You Get an F in Shipping

by axxuy

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Flurry Heart, Comedy, Random
Length: 1316

Flurry Heart may be young, but she knows a thing or two about shipping.

Flurry Heart is not the Princess of Love, but maybe she should be. She's certainly never met anypony able to match her taste in relationships. So many ponies with the wrong partners... It's sad, really. And then they have the audacity to say her pairings are wrong.

Written for the Writeoff's Ship It prompt.

Reading by StraightToThePointStudio

Published 2019-09-08 20:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-09-08 20:20:01 UTC

Your OTP is Trash—Change My Mind

Flurry did not like school. Easily the most boring thing ever invented. Between being as smart as she was and Princess Twilight Sparkle's own niece, she could just breeze through everything anypony else had to "teach" her. So she could spend her lectures doing much more important things. Her notebook was not full of useless notes, but things befitting a princess.

Her professors were so dense too, they didn't seem to realize it at all. At least they were cute—especially in pairs. They were all friends, so there was plenty of compatibility in personality. Even the colors of their coats went well together. Ponies underestimated how important that was. How could you be comfortable with a pony if you didn't look good standing next to them?

And honesty was important because blah blah blah. She was starting to get pretty good at drawing too. One more bow on Applejack's dress, and it was a perfect little wedding scene on her page. She smiled.

When she looked up, Professor Applejack was not smiling, but looming over her with a stern expression. "That's enough. If you're not going to take me seriously, maybe it's time I find somepony who you will. And give me that." She snatched her notebook up, and carried it with her out of the room.

Welp, she was getting detention. The bell rang, and nopony else was going to wait for Applejack to come back. Her classmates all filed out, while she just stayed in her seat. If she was going to the headmare, as she almost certainly was, there was no point in trying to run. She simply sat and awaited her fate.

Sure enough, she soon came back. But not with headmare Starlight. It was with a wicked grin and her mother. "Thank you, I'll talk with her," Cadance said. She walked in and closed the door behind her; Applejack waved as it shut. She sat down next to her, holding Flurry's notebook.

"Mom!? What are you doing here?" Flurry gaped.

"Unlucky for you, I happened to feel like visiting Ponyville today. Now, what is this?" She asked, flatly, with a hint of disappointment.

"Uh, my notebook?" Flurry had enough sass to hold her own with any of the professors, she wasn't prepared for her mom.

"You know what I mean," her mother hissed. She flipped it open. "This is a drawing of Applejack and Rarity getting married! Do you have any idea how inappropriate that is?"

"Do you have any idea how litt—"

"Applejack is obviously meant to be with Fluttershy. I thought I raised you better than this."

Flurry got along with her mother most of the time. But she couldn't let that stand. "She's cuter with Rarity, and besides, Fluttershy's taken."

"She can have more than one special somepony!" Cadance was starting to raise her voice.

Flurry stared her mother down. "She can, but do you think a traditional pony like Applejack is interested in that? Please."

Cadance was standing again, wings flared. "Well you're the crazy one if you think Rarity wants to be stuck on a farm for the rest of her life."

"And I suppose you have a better idea?"

"Twilight. Obviously. It would be everything she ever wanted. And she would make Twily so happy."

Flurry gagged. "Are you serious? You'd put her with Twilight when Rainbow Dash is around? You must be going senile."

"Everypony and their dog has put those two together. Sorry for trying to be original." Cadance rolled her eyes like she was the angsty teenager.

"It's a classic!..."

Applejack stepped back from the door, trying to rub the soreness out of the ear that had been pressed against it. "I can't say that's what I had in mind when I ran into her ma. Don't really know what to think about all that."

Her other friends and a fair few students kept up the eavesdropping for a few moments more. Rarity turned and responded to her. "I agree; I was also hoping for more... chastisement. Though I am not terribly surprised, considering who those two are."

Applejack nodded. then that she realized that the students who had stuck around were all staring at her and Rarity. "What're y'all looking at?"

"You know, Applejack," Rarity said, "it occurs to me that our unruly little princess may have a few decent ideas. How would you like to get dinner sometime?"

"Really, Rarity?"

"Yes, of course. You're not a bad looking mare, you know."

"I... guess—"

There was a loud crash from inside the classroom. The door fell away from the hinges. "I AM THE PRINCESS OF LOVE," Cadance screamed, "I THINK I KNOW MORE ABOUT IT THAN YOU!"

Everycreature trembled before the enraged princess who marched through the door. "What do you think you're doing?"

"I-I just," Rarity stammered.

"We were just gonna get some food," Applejack pleaded.

"Do you think you can fool me?" Cadance sneered. Her body glowed with magic, and the purple of her eyes deepened to near black. "I know a date when I see one! This is not meant to be!"

Applejack and Rarity clung to each other, trembling.

"Yes, do it! Kiss!" Flurry Heart yelled from behind.

Cadance wheeled around to face her daughter. She glowered at her; the air began to hum with magical energy. She reared up, horn crackling. But before her terrible magic could crash down on them, there was a teleport.

Twilight Sparkle appeared in the room, surrounded by four guards. "I got the Nightmare Cadance alarm, what's happening?"

Her arrival restored some calm. "It has come to my attention that my daughter is badly misguided in matters of romance. Some of your teachers as well," Cadance said.

Flurry didn’t have time to listen to whatever explanation her mom gave. Having Twilight there was an opportunity she wasn’t going to waste. Especially considering the commotion her mother was causing. She went back into the classroom and had herself a nice look out the window.

Sure enough, everycreature was evacuating the building—guided by all the faculty not currently being educated in who the loves of their lives were. She smiled as she saw the pony she was looking for, everything was coming together.

Twilight blinked. "—Well, uh, congratulations. But is that it? You went and covered yourself in dark magic just because they're going on a date?"

"It is not 'just' a date! It is a grave error!"

"I have an important question," Flurry butted in. With a flourish that conveyed extreme smugness is the ancient horn-signs of Unicornia, she teleported Rainbow Dash into the room from outside, and held her in the air next to Twilight. Likewise, she picked up Rarity and held her on the other side.

“Do you love her,” she gestured with Rarity, “or her,” doing the same with Rainbow. Both mares glared at her throughout the whole process.

“Answer carefully,” Cadence said. The words were directed toward Twilight, but Flurry felt her mother staring at her.

“I love them both? They’re two of my best friends? Wha—oh, wait. Date?”

Flurry knew full well what Twilight had been through and accomplished. But she was still so adorably naïve.

Twilight looked between Rainbow and Rarity (and dispelled Flurry’s hold on them while she was at it). “I’m sorry, but I don’t feel that way about either of them. I have a coltfriend.”

Flurry narrowed her eyes. “‘Coltfriend’… You say that like you’re not a lesbian.”

Twilight stared at her. “But I’m not? What are you—”

"Who is he?" Cadance barked. Flurry's jaw tightened as well.

"He's right here," she pointed at one of her guards.

Said guard removed his helmet. "Flash Sentry, your Highness." He held out his hoof for a shake.

Flurry turned to her mother. "Truce?"

"Truce," Cadance replied. They both lunged at Flash Sentry, horns blazing with magical fire.