Once upon a time... In the magical land of... er... Okay, screw this.
It was a warm and sunny day in Ponyville. A warm autumn breeze blew through the air as ponies of all colors and sizes continued their daily activities. And without a doubt, everypony in this colorful town was happy. All except for three.
"Hey Scootaloo!" a yellow pony with a red mane and tail shouted from the top of a hill. She had a small sled beside her.
"Yeah Apple Bloom?" the pony named Scootaloo called back from the bottom.
"What does she want?" the filly next to her, Sweetie Belle, asked quietly. Scootaloo shushed her with a hoof.
"Are you sure this'll work?" asked an unsure Apple Bloom.
"I have no idea! Now hang on!" Scootaloo quietly asked Sweetie Belle to do something as Apple Bloom got into her sled.
Sweetie Belle took a rope connected to the sled in her mouth.
"Are you ready?"
"Yeah!" Apple Bloom shouted back.
"GO!"
Sweetie Belle pulled the rope as hard as she could. The rope straightened out and Apple Bloom's sled started to slowly make it's way to the edge of the hill. Sweetie pulled as hard as she could, but it just wasn't enough to get her down the hill. So, Scootaloo joined her and did as she did. With their combined strength, the sled finally managed to go down.
And down it went. Every second it went faster and faster down the hill, hitting rocks and piles of leaves. Dead Autumn leaves flew back behind the sled as it sped down the hill towards Scootaloo and Sweetie, who just noticed. So, just like that, the two fillies got scooped up into it as well, and the wooden sled continued forward. Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, and Apple Bloom alike slid forward at great speed. The three fillies braced themselves for impact as they rammed full speed into a pile of red, yellow, and orange leaves.
The first to pop out of the mountain of leaves was Scootaloo. "Yeah! That was awesome! Right girls?" she waited for them to come out. They didn't. "Girls?" her voice became more shaky.
Scootaloo got closer to the pile of leaves. "What the hay?" she asked herself as one of the leaves slowly began to suck inward.
Another one. Another. Soon, the entire pile was cascading in on itself. Scootaloo backed away slowly, in a confused state. She didn't know if she should be afraid or interested. But for right now, that could wait. The dirt around it started to get sucked into one spot, one that she couldn't see yet. The wooden sled also got sucked in, breaking into tiny little pieces before being reduced to nothing. The filly could only stare in horror as a small sphere started to come into view. It was a deep purple, as was the light emitting from it. At a glance, she could see into it. Lights and smoke danced about within, and faint sounds of screaming and strange explosions could be heard.
One thing Scootaloo didn't notice? It was getting bigger, and so was the force that sucked everything inside. The orb of gravity sucked everything around it in. Leaves of all colors and sizes swirled into the vortex as it rippled and conversed.
It got so strong, that she couldn't hold her balance any longer, and fell over. Tears brimmed on her eyes as the pulling force of the ball of purple got stronger and stronger. She pawed at the dirt as an attempt to get away, but to no use.
It had a hold on her, so it sucked her in as well. Nothing remained at the bottom of that hill, but a small crater and an uprooted tree.
For a faint moment, the pegasus couldn't move anything or see anything, it just felt like she was floating in an endless expanse of... pudding? That's what it felt like to her. Just sitting in a big vat of cold pudding and moving slowly through it. But that feeling soon diminished, as did the silence of the void. It sounded like she was gradually falling, but at the same time she wasn't. She felt like screaming, but couldn't. The sound of air rushing in towards her made her feel funny. She hit the ground. Hard.
Apple Bloom felt like her head had just been knocked in with a sledge hammer. The only sense of direction she could get a grasp on was the way the light was shining in from, and even that was hard to make out. One thing she did know was that she wasn't with her friends anymore. That made her feel sad. It was scary there, her head hurt, she didn't know where she was. And most of all, her friends were no where nearby. Her eyes started to brim with tears as she attempted to get up off of the ground. Everything she could see right now was still a little fuzzy, but in good enough detail.
There was hanging moss and vines from one end of the large room to the other. Debris of all shapes and sizes littered the room. Nothing but a big metal thing in the middle of the place stood out. It lay there in a heap, motionless. Wires of all sizes ran along the sides of it and ended only to be cut off or destroyed on the floor. On one end of the sprawling machine lay a jumble of cables and which ran up into the ceiling. The other, lay what she could only assume was it's head, one dark, lifeless eye in the middle.
'It can't get any worse than this...' she thought sadly as she moped around the room.
Well, that's what she thought until one of the walls slid open.
Sweetie Belle couldn't tell what it was, but something was wrong. Very wrong. A throbbing in her head made her want to bang it against something. She also felt like she was being watched. It was very humid and damp wherever it was. She slowly opened her eyes to see where she was. It looked like some kind of jungle. The filly didn't know where she was. Sweetie couldn't see a thing and her hooves felt a little numb. Oh, what she would do to be inside the Carousel Boutique at that moment. Or home for that matter. That made her miss home. Then, like being hit with a ton of bricks, she realized something. She was all alone in those woods. Not a single soul was with the scared filly. Not a pony, or anything else for that matter. It made Sweetie more afraid that not only was she in the dark, but she was in the dark... alone. Or so she thought.
A sound echoed along the tall trees of the forest. A sound that made the unicorn's face twist in fear. A loud moan echoed throughout the treeline of the jungle.
Another dreadful day in the Wasteland another gunshot wound. Or at least, that's what it was for a man named John Church. Today had been particularly dreadful for him. Not only was he taken somewhere else without his permission, but he also had his internal organs rearranged. By rearranged, I mean his Heard, Spine, and Brain were taken out. And for some odd reason, his Brain had to be the one that had been misplaced. So, here he was, in another retarded Wasteland with even more retarded stuff to kill. It didn't exactly help that he was getting hunted all over the place by crazy Cyberdogs and robots, but it added more fun to it. So, 'What is the adventure today?', you might ask?
I was getting to that. John had been fed up with crazy, stupid shit happening to him on a regular basis. So, in an attempt to purge his mindless, killing appetite, he tried to find a hobby. It was everything from being a man whore, to trying to fix some crazy guys drug addictions. Nothing worked out for him. Until he got the ever so brilliant idea to become a Bounty Hunter. Of course, he killed for caps sometimes, but as more of a job than a hobby. Mostly, he would just kill people and take their money for no official reason, but that was boring and it made people angry. So, instead of being a crazy murderer, he decided to be a crazy murderer with an actual reason for killing things. That being: 'If you don't find and kill this fucker, you will either die or not get caps.'
How did he get into this horrible, brain trauma inducing predicament? I was just getting to that. You know how you come across something and just don't know what the hell to make of it? That's exactly what happened to John. He had been hiking for almost three days trying to get to a camp or some shit. He didn't really care for the name as long as he got payed for it. Anyway, the point is, he had been walking to his destination for an entire day before he had come across something even particularly interesting. That being, a huge crashed satellite imbedded in the ground. It was projecting some kind of strange pictures onto a large white board not to far from it.
So what did John do? Just walk on up to it and poke it with his finger tip. The least he would expect was some kind of deadly electric bolt getting sent up his arm. Another thing he wouldn't expect was to wake up in a crazy place filled with maniacal, lobotomized humans and robotic animals. How he got there he didn't know. But his Pip-Boy was telling him to go down into some weird place called the 'Think Tank'. He thought the name was self explanatory. It really wasn't.
So, once inside, he had to talk for half an hour with a group of crazy floating robots. Each of them freaked him out in some manner or way.
Dr. 0 - He was kind of obnoxious.
Dr. 8 - He didn't make any sense. Just static.
Dr. Dala - He kind of scared him.
Dr. Klien - He was also kind of obnoxious. And loud as hell.
Dr. Borous - He already fucking hated him for inventing Cazadors.
That about sums up what he thinks about those idiots. So without a moment to spare, they sent him out into the vast open spaces of the Big Empty without any knowledge of anything. And there he was. Getting stung and beaten to death by giant, menacing Robo-Scorpions.
What a day, eh?
(Sorry, there won't be a Portal 2 bit here. Just couldn't think of anything to blotch down into this damn monstrosity.)
(Sorry, there won't be a Nazi Zombies bit here, either. I'm so damn lazy...)
*I don't know if this is going to be good or not, but I hope you liked it. God I'm tired...*
