Hyrulequestria

Ch.96

It took at least an hour for us to clear the main entrance of the Temple of Time. The Malice had crept over everything, a purple, fleshy slime mass with vein-like tendrils latching onto every surface. If we didn’t have the minions helping us, it would’ve probably taken a whole day to clear the main entrance hall of the temple. It looked almost eerily like the one from Twilight Princess. Only this time, the Master Sword was ensconced much deeper and more securely.

“Aw. Looks like we’ll have to actually go in. Usually, it’s just inside and behind the prayer chamber.” I whined as I walked us up the iridescent stairs of light that appeared for us when we approached, the Triforce sign on our inner thigh shining in response. I didn’t notice the Masks kept her mark when worn…

“Does Lady Link need further aid inside? The Temple is meant to be a measure of the Hero after all.” Questioned one of the male Darknuts leading the platoon of soldiers, respectfully stopping at the foot of the magic stairwell.

“Hold on.” I focused on my connection to Farore. “Farore. Can we take Balgradia’s soldiers into the temple with us?”

“Considering how dangerous the temple is, even not infested by this Malice, I’d rather you not. They’d just be killed by the defenses. The Temple of Time is meant to challenge a single person, and react quite negatively to multiple persons attempting the trials at the same time. It’s to keep nefarious and craven people from pillaging the temple. It would be a good idea to have them in the main chamber, however.” Farore informed me and I sighed in exasperation.

“I’m afraid we have to go in alone. The Temple will respond violently to more than one person attempting the trials. You can stand guard in the central chamber though.” It made sense, but it was also irritating. We need the Master Sword to take down Ganondorf! Titania may be a mighty weapon, but I doubt that it could defeat him. Then there’s the fact that we still need to get our hands on the Light Arrows too.

“Hm, yes. I remember now. We will move in and secure areas cleared of Malice, but otherwise, we cannot help you. Good luck Lady Link.” The Darknut bowed to us, his soldiers all following suit, and I felt my face heat up at the reverent attention. You’d think being adored by my little fairies would let me get used to this, but they show affection more than respect.

“Thank you,” Gleaming answered for me, since I was still stunned, and we turned, entering the passage hidden behind the false illusion of a sunlit stained-glass window.

The transition between the church-like entrance to the monolithic Temple within was jarring.

The stone was much the same, but the dimensions of the temple were vast as if expecting people to fly to get around. Good thing I can fly since, y’know, fairy. It was especially important since the creeping Malice was coating nearly everything, gumming up the clockwork, darkening the interior by covering windows and blocking doors. The oozing fleshy mass was also spawning Cursed Keese, and nearby was a giant...omg.

“Is that...a giant vagina?” Gleaming asked uneasily, looking at the throbbing, pulsing feminine organ mounted on the wall, drooling purple-black ichor like fem-slime. It convulsed, and birthed a malformed cursed bokoblin which was anthro like the ones outside, but had despairingly horrific wounds and other afflictions. It, because it was so mutilated I couldn’t tell it’s gender, groaned pathetically and began shambling around.

“Oh, Farore. I remember that. But I was hoping it would still be a pre-Majora thing. Ulp. I wanna barf.” I mewled, feeling horrible and sick of what Majora has done here. The Malice was clearly Masked, but it was still a vile and corruptive thing. “Okay, Gleamy. We’re gonna have to put those things out of their misery. Look for glowing eyes, those are the quickest way to purge Malice, and unlike outside, I bet we’ll find them here since they’re the root.”

“Got it.” Gleaming flew us up and over the Malice matting the floor of this main central chamber, cursed keese harassing us until Gleaming killed them with swipes of Titania.

“Graaah!” A cursed Moblin groaned as it tried attacking us, but, y’know, we’re in the air. These poor things, so mindless. I wonder if purging Malice will save them or at least despawn them so Dark World can reset them.

“Anytime now,” I whined, my Seeker Sight having trouble in here. I guess my dungeon-delving abilities are considered a breach of the Temple’s considerations? “I can’t pick up anything. The eye powering the vagina must be somewhere else.”

“Wonderful. I think every door is coated in Malice right now besides this one up here.” Gleaming flew us up to a door at the very top of the tall chamber. We had to put some muscle into it since, while not covered, the Malice was still clinging to its edges. We got it open though and entered to find a chamber completely coated in Malice. “I think I see a pattern here.”

“Ya think?” I snarked in annoyance. Malice has had so much time to set in here, so much time to potentially lock away the Master Sword for good. If we waited much longer, would we have even been able to get this far? “Wait, that glow! Up there Gleamy!” I pointed towards the tell-tale yellow glow I remember from the game and flew us up to prod the bulbous growth in the corner of the ceiling with Titania. The magic of my holy weapon made the fleshy mass hiss and retract, and I stabbed at the glowing slit eye that was revealed.

It hurt our ears, the unholy screech, as the eye imploded and it’s cursed fleshy mass evaporated into raw magic, revealing the room. The clockwork in the walls began moving, the hidden platforms began rotating, and the spire that had been covered by the Malice was revealed to be some sort of puzzle, with familiar gear-like tracks. It also seemed to be a weight puzzle because I could tell the platforms attached to the pillar looked like they’d move down when something was on them.

“Okay, so now we need to solve the puzzle. Do you think we get a chest?” Gleaming asked while she started poking the puzzle. “Pressure puzzle?”

“I may be the gamer here Gleaming, but you’re the Hero. You just know these things. But I think it might be a mixture of pressure triggers, changing the position of the puzzle, and figuring out what it unlocks.” I pointed out the obvious, considering this spire was much more confusing than most of the puzzles that Zelda games had thrown at me.

With a hum, Gleamy stuffed Titania in our tits, and pulled out the Spinner, taking a ride up the spire to the first platform, which shuddered under our lightened weight due to the magic of the Spinner. “Not that.” She got off, our full weight making the platform rise and fall. “Maybe…” Gleaming magically equipped the Iron Boots, and we yelped as the platform suddenly clicked and something on the spire moved. “That did something.”

It took maybe an hour, figuring out the room. The spire was just part of the puzzle. There were also Spinner slots on platforms and pressure switches to hit all over the room in alcoves revealed as the puzzle progressed. Eventually, it ended with us revving the Spinner in the revealed Spinner slot on the top, rotating the whole room aside from the entrance door. I flashbacked so hard to the Forest Temple in Ocarina of Time when I realized what the ultimate act of the puzzle was.

“Whew! That was a head-scratcher!” Gleamy declared happily, a sense of satisfaction I could practically feel through her was in my voice. “Now then, let’s see what it was guarding.” We flew to the revealed door on the opposite side of where we entered, finding a circular high-ceiling chamber absolutely caked with Malice.

Before either of us could contemplate what to do here, the Malice writhed, screeching, and then it all evaporated suddenly, flying together in the center to form a partially formed woman’s body, just a torso with no bosom, two lanky arms, the left ending in a claw and the right some form of cannon. The head formed with a mane of spiky red hair, and an intricate blue-eyed mask with horns. Oh shit! Windblight Ganon!

“Gleamy! That’s Windblight Ganon! It’s a manifestation of Malice! Watch out for it’s-AH!” I yelped as I dodged for us, the tri-barreled magic cannon on its arm firing a volley of compressed air at us.

“We’re facing Ganon?!” Shining yelled as she took out my old Springfield rifle. Oh right, modern firearms. We haven’t needed them so I forgot they were a thing. She growled at the Ganon and aimed for its head before firing off a round, the bullet ricocheting off of the phantom’s mask. “We need to buy a grenade launcher. I saw one in Zephyrs stock, but didn’t have the bits.”

“I’ll bet she even said ‘not enough cash stranger’ or something!” I yelped as Gleaming dodged another blast. “Maybe we should use the Goron Arbalest with your magic bombs? Make Bomb Arrows?”

“After this, we’re upgrading our damn gun!” Gleaming roared as she fired again picking off a bit of armor. She then swapped the rifle for the Arbalest, focusing on the magic of the Bomb Bag to imbue it into the arrows loaded in the enormous crossbow’s box magazine. “But that could work.” She twirled our body around another blast of air and fired at its face.

The effect was incredible. The Windblight screeched, one of its horns was completely broken off, flinching far away from us. Unfortunately for it, the Goron Arbalest had a reasonably fast redraw thanks to it requiring strength for its lever mechanism, and it experienced blast after blast with no mercy. Soon, it was collapsed on the floor and burst into darkness. Unlike most monsters though, the darkness flew through the door instead of dispersing.

“Okay, maybe not needing to get a new gun. What do you think?” Gleaming asked as she hefted the Goron Arbalest, indeed a worthy magnum opus for the long-lost race of rock people. Hopefully, someday the Carbon Dogs and their Diamond Dog descendants will be of equal muster.

“New gun, but not explosive,” I told her. “Now do you want to get a new one now, backtrack outside, or continue?” My question was interrupted by a Big Chest appearing in the center of the room. “First, let’s see what’s in the chest.”

---]===>

It was a Small Key. The insult.

A freaking Small Key was what Windblight Ganon was guarding?! No new weapon, or tool? This feels like Breath of the Wild alright. No new tools past the tutorial. Thanks, Nintendo. Ugh. Whatever.

We backtracked to the central chamber, finding the top quarter of the chamber was now free of Malice. However, the Malice Vagina down below was disgorging minions regularly, the soldiers from outside seemed to have taken up a defensive position at the door, keeping them from leaving.

“HELLO!” Loafus cheered from a wooden kiosk that was set up on the ledge were standing on in the purged upper section. “What can I do you for?”

“Loafus, I already bought everything you had I felt was useful.” Gleaming mewled. “I’m still skeptical on the usefulness of a magic Boomerang, even if it has aerokinesis magic. I also don’t know why I let you talk me into buying a second Grapple Claw when I already had one.”

“NEW STOCK!” He cheered as he pointed to his sign, which did say new stock. “I’ve been talking to modern weapon smiths! And priests too! I have new weapons from these talks!” He told us as he brought out pistols, shotguns, and rifles. Each shimmered slightly with magic, both holy and unholy.

“Um...that’s great but, you’d be better off selling those to those soldiers down there fighting off the horde of cursed zombie-like minions,” I said to the off-kilter dynalfos guy.

“I have been, I’ve gotten so many rupees and pots!” Loafus cheered with his face growing creepy. “You could use one too though!”

“...We have my Titania and an oversized crossbow that fires explosive arrows. I think we’re good.” I deadpanned, only for my body to seize as Loafus whipped out a ‘Thumper’ M79 Grenade launcher.

“How about a grenade launcher then? They’re still new since Explosion Magic is so powerful that not many people see a point in making smaller explosions. So long as you put a magic bomb or other explosive spell inside, it’ll launch it for you.” Loafus advertised with a leer.

“I don’t know...the Goron Arbalest is-.” I interrupted Gleamy by bolting forwards and slamming our hands onto Loafus’ countertop.

“I’LL TAKE YOUR ENTIRE STOCK!” I bellowed excitedly.

“Whoa! Only one per customer! I only have so many!” Loafus, the manic male, actually seemed taken aback by my fervent excitement.

“SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!” I barked, taking out our rupee bag and dumping it on the counter.

“What gun is that?” Gleaming asked as I grabbed the weapon, holding it so tightly to our chest it wedged through our armor and into our cleavage and I kissed the barrel.

“It’s a Thumper! This thing has been a reliable way to launch explosions at your enemies for decades! Well, not here, but back home! It was also OP as fuck in Fallout: New Vegas, being the most readily available explosive weapon that wasn’t just a grenade and...right, not a game geek. Sorry.” I mewled, ceasing to molest our new weapon as Loafus handed me back the money I’d overpaid.

“Um...why is it better than our Arbalest?” Gleaming asked curiously, breaking open the breach to look into it. It was an obscenely simple thing, but sometimes it’s the simple things that work the best.

“It fires and reloads faster. We’re better off saving the Arbalest for long distances.” I informed my lover and host.

“It also has an enchantment that allows you to choose when your ammo explodes,” Loafus told us. “Just hold the trigger.”

“Neat,” Gleaming replied, then summoned a magic bomb, stuffed it, impossibly, into the much smaller breach of the launcher. Loaded, she flicked it up to close it, then casually aimed with one hand down to the Malice Muff and fired the blue projectile with a single trigger pull, not holding it. It flew down, exploding brilliantly and taking out a bunch of the cursed minions at once. “Really neat. Babe, is it weird I wanna load it, put it between our thighs, and fire it at them?”

“Just the allure of power babe, totally normal,” I replied with satisfaction, seeing how much easier this weapon would make our lives. You’d be surprised what problems high explosives could solve.

“Have fun.” Loafus was then suddenly down at the entrance, his kiosk and all, selling his wares to excited and eager minions who clearly witnessed our demonstration...the sneaky bastard! He hasn’t sold anything to them yet! He used us as an advertisement! Smart!

“Loafus is a...gifted incarnation of Link. Insane, lost to the Dark World, but still capable.” Farore gently told me, and I sniffed at her basically confirming what I knew since I met the creepy guy.

---]===>

It was easy to know where to go next, since the next door was revealed in the purged section, and had a convenient Small Lock to go with the Small Key we just fought a boss for. We flew over to it and entered. It wasn’t a chamber, instead, it was a series of Malice-infested halls. We had to fight our way through Cursed Minions and kill the Eyes of Malice to progress.

My limited Seeker Sight was helping us maintain direction, knowing that these curved halls were wrapping around the central chamber, and I did notice they were going down. It helped when we found the Dungeon Map and Compass in these halls, confirming what I suspected.

Aside from target switches that required Gleaming’s Gale Boomerang, courtesy of Loafus, there wasn’t anything of interest in these chambers besides fighting and looting. There were pots. Oh~ so many pots~! I think I understand now! I’m Linked to Gleaming on such a level right now. Each pot is like a tiny orgasm when they shatter~.

Ahem.

Our questionably legal monetary gains aside, we finally made it to what I assume is the next puzzle chamber. After clearing the Malice from it with Titania to its eye, it was rather confounding.

There were carts on rails and sturdy-looking switches. There also seemed to be a sort of tube at the end of the rails. “Rails, carts, switches. Hm.” Gleaming pondered as she approached them, walking along the floor to the tubes at the end of the rails, looking up in them revealed nothing but darkness.

We went back to the switches and carts. Getting on the switches didn’t do anything, putting on the Iron Boots did nothing. “Maybe...it’s a strongman thing? Try hitting one with the Ball and Chain.” I suggested, and Gleaming pulled out the long-forgotten heavy weapon. I haven’t seen her use it since we first got it.

With a twirl and a strike, the wrecking ball on a chain impacted the switch, sending the cart slamming across the room and to the pipe, but then it rapidly retracted with nothing else happening. “Wait. Bombs! Updraft, a shockwave pressure trigger!” Gleamy looked up, seeing dull gems in the wall near the ceiling.

However, when she put bombs in the slots, nothing happened. Examining closer and launching a cart again, revealed the carts were nearly flush with the slots to the tubes. They would provide the seal needed for the bombs to get pressure up the tubes.

This all figured out, Gleaming summoned a square bomb and put it on the cart, then quickly smashed the switch with the Ball and Chain to send the cart onward. It reached the pipe at just the right moment for the bomb to detonate, and the dark gem lit up, but after several seconds, it went dark. “Shit. It’s timed. You’ve gotta put bombs on the carts, smash the switches, and send them to the goal within seconds of the first.”

“Wow, this is irritating.” Gleaming huffed, and she quickly did as I outlined. We had to try seven times to get it, but finally, those three gems in the wall were blazing bright, and a hidden door in the back wall away from the sealed door leading to the central chamber was revealed. “Okay then, let’s get the next one.”

“Already caught on?” I asked in a bit of surprise as we approached the door.

“We defeat a boss, a quarter of the place is cleared. It makes sense we have three more of those things to fight.” Gleaming deduced as we entered and the door slammed shut, the Malice in the chamber coalescing into Thunderblight Ganon, who leveled her hook hand at us menacingly. “Yeah-yeah. Not dealing with this.” Gleaming then dominated it with her new Thumper, brutally blasting it to bits with explosions.

I think I may have created a monster…