The Saga Of Special Delivery
Chapter One
Waiting outside the Royal Courtroom, the young stallion known as Special Delivery once again read the scroll he had been worrying over ever since his fellow courier, Nice Surpise, had delivered her gilded burden to his door that morning.
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“Another special task for the guv'nor, eh? Don't see why She's using one delivery boy t'tell another one he's got work t-” Surprise's flow of Trottingham accent had been abruptly interrupted, first by the signed receipt flung at his face, followed shortly thereafter by Special's door slamming shut. Making a mental note to apologise to his colleague for his typical Saturday morning behaviour, Special trudged back to the bed he's begrudgingly left and re-cocooned himself, before casting bleary eyes over the scroll.
Faithful Courier, We, your ever lov]ing and benevolent monarch, require a dozen packages to be delivered from Our Courtroom to the township of PONYVILLE. We do not expect there to be any difficulty with this assignment, but wish to show Our regard for the recipients by using the services of Our most capable delivery pony, SPECIAL DELIVERY, for this task. Therefore, We request thee before Us at 13:00.
Due appropriate levels of Lordly affection for One's subjects, Your Princess
Special had spent the rest of the morning panicky grooming himself; his pale grey coat now gleaming whilst his raven-dark hair had been industriously straightened. There was the usual casualties of his hygiene routine – his Cutie Mark of a sparkling satchel on his left flank was worse the wear thanks to a particularly exuberant brushstroke, but on examining his reflection in the mirror, he'd felt marginally less nauseous, and what more could a stallion being given an assignment but Princess Celestia herself hope for?
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Not the writing style I'd of imagined of the Princess, Special thought to himself as he went through the time-honoured ritual of slowly shifting his weight from one set of hooves to the other whilst he waited for the impassive guardspony to let him in, but then, what exactly was I imagining? A heartfelt personal message to her favourite courier? Considering we've never met, that might have been a bit much to hope for. Still, “most capable delivery pony” indeed! Even if it wasn't hoof-written, She had at least picked out the Courier Requisition Form 3-b (Personal Royal Business, little-to-no danger) and possibly even written in the block capitals Herself! Gosh! All those years of being in the Princess Celestia's fan club for Fillies and Colts and now I finally get to meet Her! Celestia, the kindest,wisest, most beautiful and stunningly gorgeous of all ponies...
“Psst!” the guardspony interrupted Special's reverie, who shrieked and jumped a foot vertically, convinced that the other stallion had somehow guessed the nature of his line of thought.
“Wanna buy some earplugs? Five bits a pair.” he said in a low tone, producing a pair from inside his breastplate.
“Earplugs?!” Special was flabbergasted. Why in Sleipnir's hooves was he being offered earplugs? Was I meant to bring some? Was this some important part of meeting Celestia I should of known about?
A loud knocking came from the other side of the door, and the earplugs disappeared back into the guardpony's armour, who looked apologetic at Special momentarily before throwing back the door and nodding the confused Earth pony inside.
Where he was met by a wall of noise.
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“GREETINGS, FAITHFUL SUBJECT! WE ARE MOST PLEASED THAT THY HATH COME BEFORE US, AT THE TIME AND PLACE WE HAD DECREE'D. WE ARE COMFORTED TO KNOW THAT THE DUTIFULNESS OF OUR DOMAIN'S COURIER SERVICE HAS NARY SUFFERED AN INCH THIS PAST MILLENIA!”
As the echoes reverberated around the courtroom, the shocked Earth pony took in the scene. In one corner, he hazily recognised Dusty Tome, the chief librarian of the Canterlot Public Library, who had apparently been press-ganged into serving as a scribe. The unicorn winked at Special before returning to scribbling into the book levitating before him; whilst a bubble of turquoise magic around his head rippled in time to the words. Flanking the throne were two bat-winged pegasi, their intimidating demeanour somewhat lessened by the fluffy magenta earmuffs resting on their heads. And ensconced on the throne itself..
“WE, PRINCESS LUNA, GIVE THOU LEAVE TO APPROACH US, THAT WE MIGHT INSTRUCT THOU ON THE TASK AT HOOF.” Was the Princess of the Night Herself, Luna. The alicorn, a dark reflection of Celestia's colourful beauty, was tapped on the leg by one of the pegasi, who whispered into her ear.
“THE VOICE AGAIN, THOU SAYEST? T'would seem more practice is necessary.” muttered Luna, looking chagrined. Shaking her starlit mane out, she beckoned the shellshocked courier over.
“Special Delivery. We are told thou art the most faithful and steadfast of couriers in Our service, with an unmatched record of fully half of thine assignments reaching their destination on time and untampered.” said Luna. Special nodded slowly, his mind something of a maelstrom, what with the surprise of the identity and volume of the sender, the happiness of the recognition of his talents, and sadness at the sad state of the Equestian mail system.
“Special. May We call thou Special?” Luna paused, seeing the look of pain cross Special's face.
“What is it? Hath We offended, or otherwise broached another of the damnable codes of modern etiquette that have sprung up lately?”
Special stared blankly at Luna. How on Equestria do I even begin to explain this? Luckily, the same pegasi as before once again tapped Luna on the leg and whispered at length into her cocked ear, her face a picture of bemusement.
“We... see. A term commonly used for ponies differing from the norm in a supposedly undesirable way. Doubtlessly, thou suffered at the hooves of one's peers as a colt? Well, We would remind thou that something special, regardless of the word's inference, is something unique and to be cherished. Still...” Luna tapped her left fore-hoof on the floor, “ We are reminded of the moniker Our sister sometimes refers to thou as... She believes the name “Hot Package” to be more appropriate?”
What?! Celestia has a nickname for me? Celestia knows who I am? Wait, Hot Package?! Special was too busy staving off hyperventilation to notice that the stares of the Pegasi had become fixed, whilst Dusty Tome stared disbelievingly at the words his quill scratched out. The alicorn smiled nervously, her little anecdote not
quite having the effect she had expected.
“She also that perhaps Long or Hard Package might also apply?” At this, the guard pegasus who had kept tapping and whispering bit down on a hoof, whist his cohort's cheeks bulged, to the sound of Dusty Tome's quill snapping. Special Delivery, flushed all over, sank to his knees, and Luna recalled that by the way her sister had been poking her in the flank whilst she'd shared her observations, there had probably been some obscure pun in play. She didn't “get it” herself, but she'd brought “fun” to her subjects, and that was the important thing.
“Now then, to business, Special.” The stunned Earth Pony slowly regained his feet, and Dusty Tome conjured his back-up quill from behind an ear. “Knowest thou of the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony?”
“Y-yes, your Highness” he replied nervously, and laying to rest Luna's theory about his possible muteness. Didn't they trash the last Galloping Gala? And save Equestria a couple of times? Special made a note to read the news more. Or, at all. There was some big ceremony a couple of months ago for them, right?
“Excellent! Ourself and Our sister, like every pony in the land, owe much to them, and have decided to display our gratitude. However, Our sister is convinced that the Bearers would not be best served by further public adulation, and so, We decided to surreptitiously convey our regard with some trinkets, delivered out of the public eye.” Luna remembered asking her sister about this the afternoon before.
“Dear Twilight would hate to be treated as any different to other ponies, Lu, and as for the others? Fluttershy suffered enough exposure in her impromptu modelling career, Applejack wouldn't want to be seen as getting airs, whilst Rarity and Rainbow Dash might let it all go to their heads a little.” Celestia had smiled whilst she spoke, thinking back to past friendship reports.
“And the Element of Laughter?” Luna asked, commending herself on not slipping and asking instead about the 'screaming chicken' instead.
“Will doubtless find a way to celebrate her and her friends' success in way you and I could never contend with! I just hope we get an invitation!”
“And so, thou shall delivery the contents of this package to the Bearers.” A dark nimbus flew up from behind the throne, depositing an indigo satchel before him. “Inside art a dozen items, six from each of Us, along with six short messages. Naturally, the satchel hast been enchanted with a Holding enchantment, so please refrain from extra-planar travel whilst carrying it. When thine task is done, thou art to keep the satchel as payment for thine services, and do with it whatever thou wish.”
“I understand, your Highness,” Special replied, bowing his head. A satchel of Holding? Does She know how much they're worth?! I've heard of whole families LIVING in them! I could probably retire if I sold it! On the other hoof, the open road would be a lot easier with everything I need – or want – packed away weightlessly in one.
“Then kindly be about thine business, Special Delivery, with Our blessing.” said Luna, magically levitating the package onto Special's back, who bowed once again, waved a hoof at Dusty Tome, and left the courtroom.
Well, seems like an easy job. And before he could think of the foolishness of such an invitation to bad luck, his mind decided to try and process his beloved Princess's nicknames for himself again.
