A Collection of Papers on the Futility of Trying

by -newt-

Chapters

I Give Up
Maybe...
what
come on!
now for the boring bits
Welp
Damnit

I Give Up

This shit isn’t going to work.

I guess I should’ve realised it almost immediately, but… nope. Here we are.

I don’t even know why I’m writing this here.

Maybe it’s just because I want somebody to know.

Even if it is… you.

Hey, Celestia, did you ever ask your mom if there was an afterlife?

I want to believe that there is.

I want to believe so bad.

But I can’t.

…

It’s day five (by my admittedly rough estimation), and nothing’s happened.

I’m just going to move on. There are other things in here that need my attention.

…

FUCKING YEAAAAAA!

I finally grew some balls, and decided to go explore some of the offshoot rooms! There are actually a lot of them, but the first door I opened ended up being another hallway infested with those fucking zombies, so I warped it so much that nobody can ever open it again.

The second door led to a wine cellar!

And I don’t have anything better to do than get drunk and cast potentially dangerous spells, so here we fucking are.

Lemme tally how much I’ve drunk. I’ll keep adding to this.

· Wine bottles: 1 2 5
· Vodka: it tastes like shit, so like one sip.

Yeah, I know I’m a lightweight. But seriously, five bottles is a new record for me. Back when me and Aster used to go out drinking, I used to be sick by like the third bottle.

And then we’d fu

…

So I have a huge fucking hangover.

Uuuungh, I hate it.

And there’s no water.

…wait, how am I surviving without food or water?

And why is the moon acting so weird? That ring I’m wearing is flashing like a fucking disco ball. What’s up with Luna?

OH GOD NIGHTMARE NIGHT.

No…

I’m going to sleep this hangover off, and then figure it out.

…

I calculated the flashes of the ring. Unless this thing is broken, I’ve spent at least a few years down here.

I know that sounds insane, but hear me out.

I found some old curtains (don’t ask- there aren’t any windows, so I don’t know what they needed curtains for) and I fashioned a few differently-sized wheels out of some cardboard I found lying around. Basically, I made a rudimentary tensioned pulley system.

That’s right. A rudimentary tensioned pulley system. With like a flywheel and all, to make sure everything moves constantly, and that none of the inertia is wasted. Then I put a book next to the slowest wheel, and stuck a small flap of laminated paper onto one of the the spokes.

Then I set it up on top of a bookshelf. It’s weird, but it works. I’ve attached a diagram.

How does it function? Well, all you need to do is put some books into the saddlebags on either side until they’re equally balanced. Then you take one extra book, and put it on one side.

The entire thing starts drooping to one side, and after it passes a marker I made halfway up the bookshelf, I remove the extra book and levitate it over to the other saddlebag. That way, when it returns to the normal height, one cycle has been completed, and if I desire, I can start it over again.

I measure the cycles using my pulse as a timer. Every time one rotation is completed, the paper hits the book and makes a sound. I try to see how long it takes for one cycle to complete, and then extrapolate from there.

So I tested it a bit. And finally, I settled in for a long wait, keeping the ring handy.

In approximately two hours, the moon underwent half a cycle. I’m not entirely certain, but I’m pretty sure that’s an entire fortnight right there.

Then I tried it again later, and time went by as slowly as it normally does.

So I don’t think time is moving constantly here. Sometimes, it speeds up a lot, and other times, it doesn’t. And sometimes (though it may just be a trick of my mind) it moves excruciatingly slowly.

So yeah.

At least it explains why I don’t need any food down here. If someone put an enchantment on this place to make time run differently, they probably kept a basic sustenance spell running in case it fucked up.

Like its doing right now.

Also, I found a pretty interesting book in here somewhere. It’s called Starswirl the Enchantress- an Autobiography. I’m not sure if she’s a Siberian ripoff of Starswirl the Bearded or something, but I might as well read it- if only for shits and giggles.

…

I think I figured it out!

It’s hard to describe, but that fake autobiography pointed me to a book that fucking nailed it-as it turns out, you can’t cast your magic regularly when you’re working with spells as dark as this! You have to… I don’t know, kinda flick it?

You know what I mean, I’m sure. You’ve dabbled in the dark arts before.

Goddamn, this book is a treasure trove of information!

I’m going to finish it.

And then I’m going to go back to that autobiography and finish that too. It’d be great if I could prepare for all eventualities.

…

Celestia.

…

Oh my fucking god.

…I’m slow clapping for you, Celestia. You drove one of the most brilliant minds in generations away from Equestria forever.

And no, I’m not talking about me.

I’m talking about Starswirl the Bearded. You know, your former student? The one who disappeared while researching weird shit? The very same one who was in a relationship with Luna?

You never mentioned that last one.

You also neglected to mention the fact that Starswirl was a girl. And that before she became a powerful mage under your tutelage, she used to go by Starswirl the Enchantress.

Can’t imagine why that’d slip your mind!

Like holy shit, that wasn’t even her real facial hair! It was a ruse, so if she wanted to disappear, she could. Clever of her, honestly. Making that beard such a large part of your personality that it’s a part of your name, and then just straight up ditching it and disappearing.

You’re probably sweating bullets, wondering how I know all this shit.

That autobiography had it all in there. I can’t even fucking pretend that she’s lying, because the book has so much stuff about you and the castle and Canterlot and especially Luna in it that it probably rivals the shit in the royal archives.

…

Do you know where she went, Celestia?

I do.

…

Have you been wondering why so much of this library is dedicated to the Lunar Arts?

It’s because she was the curator.

Starswirl was the curator of a Siberian library with a whole wealth of information on Luna.

This entire complex was her research base for almost three hundred years, until she died and the forest grew around it. She was researching what caused Luna to go insane, so she could get her lover back.

I’m guessing you didn’t know that.

Or you did, and were just a cold-hearted bitch.

I mean, at least it explains the weird time dilation. That sort of magic is really fickle, and if you leave it alone for like seven hundred years, it’s bound to go a bit wonky. And of course Starswirl would use something like this. She had the magic, and she wanted to maximise the time she had left with Luna.

She wrote her autobiography and left it here, you know. I’m kind of ashamed it took me this long to figure it out.

Those zombies are guarding the premises from people.

Actually, they’re not even zombies! They’re fucking illusions. And so is the smell of burnt flesh, and so are the carcasses, and basically everything outside this room is an illusion.

Damnit.

Usually, they scare the living crap out of whoever comes inside, and then let them escape. However, the magic has faded over the years, so I was able to get to the library (mostly) unharmed.

It’s ironic.

Starswirl suspected you knew of a way to free Luna and bring her back to her original state, and that you just weren’t telling anybody. So she spent years of her life pioneering new spells, trying to get her Luna back.

And now she’s gone. And now I’m trapped here, trying to do the same thing.

…

Did you ever wonder why Nightmare Moon stopped showing up in people’s nightmares on Nightmare Night? After all, it was the day on each year that she was the strongest.

I’ll tell you exactly fucking why.

It’s because Nightmare Moon learned her lesson about six months into captivity.

Let that sink in, you fucking cunt.

Six. Months.

And she spent the next three hundred years gathering up all her energy, often bringing herself to the brink of death… just so she and Starswirl could be together in their dreams. For one night every year.

Each and every visit is extensively documented in her autobiography. And it’s fucking heartbreaking.

They loved each other.

And now it’s been seven hundred years since Starswirl passed away.

Seven hundred years she’s spent completely alone up there.

I’ll be surprised if she doesn’t revert back to Nightmare Moon once you set her free. Do you know what seven hundred years of captivity can do to a person? After they’ve only been able to see their lover for one night a year for three hundred years?

You’ll find out soon.

…

Now that I think about it, that’s why Starswirl the Bearded disappeared, right?

She knew what you’d done.

And she despised you for it.

I know it’s why she disappeared.

Because the book I’m reading was authored by her.

And so were most of the others in this fucking library.

…

Stewing in my hatred of you like this is not fucking helping.

I’ve finally finished the biography, and I think I’m ready to try again.

Here goes nothing.

…

Wait before I start FUCK YOU-

…

I give up.

I tried so hard, but it just refuses to work on me.

So I give up.

I, Sunset Shimmer, give up.

Godfuckingdamnit.

wait no it fucking worked

…

it finally worked.
...
...
...

that’s pretty cool.

Author's Note

Y U NO APPROVE THE GODDAMN STORY

Maybe...

Maybe…

lol guess what bitch

im not dead

yeaaaaah

time for more alcohol imma have fuuun

…

Okay, as it turns out the stuff they have down in the wine cellar is waaaay stronger than I anticipated.

Either that, or bat people can’t hold their alcohol as well as regular people.

Yeah, that’s right.

I’m part bat now.

It’s pretty cool. The wings aren’t all they’re hyped up to be, but I personally think I look like a fuckin badass. I had to absolutely mutilate that shitty ass cloak I keep wearing to let the wings poke through, but it was worth it.

Remind me to buy a black leather jacket once I get out of here. It’s totally my colour.

And there are other advantages too. I’m freakishly good at climbing things now and even tried sleeping upside down (it’s pretty comfy), I can see way better in the dark, I’m more resilient to the cold, and I can fucking FLY.

That last one’s only useful once I get out of this pit, though.

Pretty much the only problem I have with being part bat is that it changed my hair.

I actually can’t even recognise my hair anymore. It’s fucking weird; it’s like it went from being all frizzled and humongous and gravity defying to being flat and smooth overnight. Granted, this is what it was like before I left home, so maybe that’s why…

I don’t know. I just don’t like it.

My old hair was better.

Anyways, now that the same length of hair is straight, it’s way longer, and that gets in the way. So I cut it. Now my hair comes down to just below my ears, and constantly gets in my eyes.

Only one question left to answer.

What the fuck happened?

…

Okay, so I think I had to go through an entire lunar cycle down here in order for the spell to fully work. That kinda makes sense, right?

Don’t know why my hair’s like this, though. Maybe it’s an evolutionary thing? Or maybe frizzy hair interferes with echolocation or some shit.

I guess it doesn’t really matter, in the long run.

…

I’m learning more and more dark magic, and I’m fucking loving it. As it turns out, being part bat makes casting spells like this easier. Basically all I need to do now is keep practicing until I finally become an expert on this shit.

It’s fascinating. I don’t even care that I’m never going to get out!

…

I just shotgunned an entire bottle of vodka.

Holy fucking shit.

I’m proud.

…

Another bottle.

…

Goddamn, I need to stop drinking so much.

…

ive noticed something
nothing matters
absolutely nothing matters
so why even try

…

I need to stop drinking.

That’s a fact.

I’m warping the door to the wine cellar shut. I don’t need any more distractions from what I’m trying to do. Especially since I seem to become a lot more… pessimistic while I’m drunk.

Onwards!

…

Alright, I underestimated Starswirl.

As it turns out, she realised that with Luna gone, children wouldn’t be protected from nightmares in the dream realm. Sooooo… she worked with Luna to try and make a spell that would allow pretty much anybody to access it.

And rest assured, it was hidden really fucking well. But even by my rough estimates, I’d say I’ve been here at least half a year; I know this place like the back of my own hand.

So I found it.

And I’m going to go ahead and try it. It’s hard, but let’s be honest- do I have anything better to do down here? There’s only so much dark magic to learn.

Wish me luck!

…

IT WORKED!

…

Alright, as it turns out, stopping nightmares is a biiit of a full-time job. I don’t have any time to relax; I spend my days learning new magic, and my nights protecting kids and adults from bad dreams.

Also, did you know that it was possible for bat people to have wet dreams?

I wish I didn’t. But I have… irrefutable proof.

One of my friends from that village was having a nightmare, and in my effort to stop it… I kinda overshot and made it a sex thing. I mean, at least he was happy.

Anyways, after he was done I approached him and told him what had happened.

…I’ve never seen anybody blush that hard before.

So anyways. The bat people know where I am now! That’s nice, innit?

More spells time!

…

You know, these wings feel really goddamn weird. They’re all leathery, and cool, and they’re sensitive in some places and not sensitive in others…

…

So did you know that Starswirl and Luna had a ménage a trois with an exotic creature called a badal pakshi?

I fucking wish I was making this up.

Oh god, I thought the story was god-tier shitposting- especially considering the state of the book I found it in- but it wasn’t.

Alright, lemme go into detail. There are these weird creatures that are called… well, I’m not sure how to translate it into English, because it literally translates to ‘change creature’, and the only reason I know that is because Aster knew the language this is written in and taught me the basics and it’s mostly instinct and it’s actually pretty interesting-

I’m rambling. OK, the book calls them badal pakshi. That looks weird and sounds weirder, because you need to pronounce the ‘a’s like ‘uhhh’s and the ‘I’ like an ‘e’ and you need to say the middle part really quickly otherwise it sounds weird and translates to ‘cloud creatures’ which are completely different-

Rambling again. I should probably point out that this language they’re talking about is almost entirely phonetic. Including the letters; they have 46, and each of them has a distinctive sound. Like, there’s a different letter for the long ‘eee’ and the short ‘eh’ (we just have ‘e’), a different letter for ‘o’ and ‘oooh’ (you get the point).

By comparison, English is a fucking weird language because you have no idea how to enunciate the letters in a word. We need to come up with letters for short and long vowel sounds like these guys have so we make things easier for everybody. They’re ahead of their fucking times.

Regardless. Apparently, the badal pakshi are insectoids that originated in the southeast of this continent and… they feed off emotions. However, they’ve got entire symbiotic relationships with other civilizations going on and are actually just as intelligent as the average human… so it’s cool. Granted, this is a thousand years outdated, so they might’ve become evil. Don’t know, don’t care. The only reason I picked this up was to see if Starswirl made any notes on replicating their shapeshifting abilities.

Like, wouldn’t that be cool?

Still, I wish I didn’t know so much about their anatomy. They can change shape, but when Starswirl and Luna contacted this particular one (his name was ‘Aandhi’; use the aforementioned pronunciation)… they wanted the ‘authentic’ experience.

So… yeah.

This is terrifying.

The only reason I’m ever reading this is because I’m holding out hope that there’s fucking something in here about replicating this magic. The most useful info I’ve gotten is that it’s useless trying to identify their magical signature, because they have basically the same magic as normal people; it’s just that their hive mindset ends up training them to change shapes from childhood.

Other info… alright, so they’re capable of ejecting genetic packages despite the fact that they only have one queen that lays eggs… and apparently those packages taste ‘remarkably sweet’.

why the fuck am I doing this to myself

why am I subjecting myself to this.

…

I took a break, mulled over it for a long time, and dove back in. If it’s any consolidation, I’m going to be regaling most of the important details to you too.

If I suffer, you suffer with me!

Alright, so apparently Luna’s favourite position is the reverse cowgirl and Starswirl is a big fan of motorboating and Aandhi has a thing for horns…

…

I found it. I found a way to give myself the ability to shapeshift. It’s hard to explain (fucking shocker) but if I play my cards right… I can alter my magical reservoirs’ composition to make it more suited to shapeshifting. I’ll be giving up some magical prowess, but let’s be honest- I can spare it.

There are only two downsides. One, by altering my magical reservoirs, I’ll be changing the part of my body they’re stored in. And since my magical reservoirs are stored in my hands and horns…

Yeah, they’re going to grow chitin and (I think) develop holes. It isn’t really clear.

And secondly, the spell requires some more blood on my part.

Goddamn, why does every single cool spell in here require my fucking blood.

Anyways, I’m going to go extract it. I’ll be delirious for a few hours, so have fun ignoring me!

…

damn Luna’s hot but Starswirl is hotter

I want some of that big pakshi coc

So I’ve been pent up in here for a long time. Just pretend you never saw those two lines. Please. It’s better that way.

The good news is… the spell worked! I now have the ability to shapeshift.

Granted, it’s pretty fucking weak, I get massive headaches anytime I try it, and the magic itself feels slippery… like, you know when you’re in the shower and you accidentally squeeze the bar of soap too tight and it fucking flies off and you’re trying to catch it before it falls to the ground but it keeps slipping?

Yea that’s what it feels like. I can’t even change into something cool- I tried making my hair frizzy again, and it threw me for such a huge fucking spin that I spent an hour retching up the meagre contents of my stomach.

I even tried removing all my runes and trying it then, just in case they were interfering. Nope.

Still, I’m pretty sure that it’s just a steep learning curve. I’ll get better with time.

Speaking of time, it should take around one week for my arms to completely be replaced by holey chitin. That ought to be a fun look.

It’s ironic. A few years ago, I would’ve died to get my hands on something like this… cuz I wanted power, or the throne or some shit. Now I’m trying it because I’m bored and have nothing better to do.

…

My chitin arms developed! They’re fucking awesome! I’d talk more, but I’m too busy using them. They’re so light and flexible and manoeuvrable and sensitive-

…

So I’m pretty sure you guys fucked something up.

Because today, my ring went from black to light blue.

Which would be great news. I mean, Nightmare Moon is no more!

Except Luna’s colour is supposed to be navy blue. Not light blue.

That can’t be good.

…

I met Luna today.

In dreamland.

Well, ‘met’ is a strong word. I basically hid in some dreams and watched her. And...

Goddamnit.

This…

…I think you might’ve genuinely broken her, Celestia. The two of you were supposed to be equals… but I can almost feel how much weaker than you she is.

And I don’t even think her level of power has decreased. I think… I think it’s her self-worth that’s gone down. She thinks of herself as your inferior.

Fuck you, Celestia.

Damn. Those words are really losing their punch, considering how often I say them to you.

Actually, ‘say this to you’ is a stretch. I’m pretty sure you don’t even read this thing. I’m banking on you not reading it, in fact- I just use it to vent.

Ah well. Beggars can’t be choosers. otherwise I would’ve chosen death

Point is, I’ll still need to patrol the dream realm. Luna’s awesome (she did a way better job at getting the kids around these parts to calm down than I could’ve done) but she’s weaker, and needs more rest.

One last time: fuck you, Celestia.

…

I realised that this means Nightmare Night has come and gone.

Except the night Luna was supposed to get free was almost seven or eight years out from when I entered this library.

…hoooly shit. The time spell fucked up. I mean, I haven’t spent more than six months down here in real time; I’m certain of that.

So once I realised the implications, I realised that I can’t just fucking sit here and do nothing. As much as I fucking hate them, I’d like to see my parents at least once before they die.

So right now I’m trying to fix the time spell, and keeping a close eye on the ring. It’s my only reliable way of keeping time for now.

…

Okay, so I think I managed to fix the time spell.

Actually, lemme rephrase that.

I broke the fuckin time spell for good.

Yeah, it was completely useless, and I’ve decided that if I can’t fix it, I’ll just have to dismantle it completely.

So I did.

And now time is moving regularly. Sure, just before I fixed the spell it went a bit haywire and the ring flashed really fast… but I’m just going to assume it’s all fine. Ignorance is fucking bliss, amirite?

So now I get to stay down here, learning all that I can about magic and developing my abilities, and I’m pretty sure everybody I once knew will still be alive once I emerge!

This ought to be fun.

…

The snow swirled in eddies and whorls. It fell haphazardly from the greying sky, either settling on the branches of the leafless trees or blanketing the ground. It flew in all directions; sideways, in circles, sometimes upwards if there were drafts…

It was pure, unadulterated chaos. In fact, the world was so alien that it almost seemed monochromatic- just a mess of greys and blacks and whites.

But amongst it all… there was an anchor.

A figure dressed in a lavender coat halted near a dead tree, removing her heavy hood as she panted. Dropping her saddlebags with the air of a weary traveller who just wanted to go to bed, she pushed her hair behind her ear and revised the map she had gotten from the bat people.

And then she snapped it shut.

“Finally!” she declared to nobody in particular, taking in the dark obsidian ruins; towering cinderblocks, cracked and faded visages of brilliant times long gone, and an almost illegible inscription declaring the area the ‘realm of Princess Luna.’

“I’ve found it.”

Stumbling closer to the remains of the library, Twilight reflected on everything that had had to have gone right to bring her here.

…it was a long list.

She only hoped Celestia didn’t find out what she was doing. Or at least… that she only found out once it was too late.

A particularly tall tower heaved into view, and she adjusted her trajectory to approach it. If the bat people were correct, this was the entrance to the long-forgotten library.

This was where she would find Sunset Shimmer.

Pausing at the doorway, she turned around and took in the outdoors. It was hauntingly beautiful… almost a perfect balance between life and death.

Inhaling deeply, letting the freezing air burn her lungs, she stepped into the tower.

The door closed behind her.

And as her magic flared into life, revealing the dark walls and the terrifying creatures limping towards her… her violet eyes twinkled.

Let’s do this.

Author's Note

A/N: A Collection of Papers on the Futility of Trying has finally been approved! Now if only I knew where to go with the plot.

FYI that's just snark. I know what I'm doing (mostly). Leave suggestions anyways, and remember- no idea is a stupid idea. If you're hesitating before writing a scenario down because it's too batshit crazy... that just means you should totally write it down.
peace lads.

what

“Ungh!”

The last of those four-legged things smashed against the wall with a sickening crack, leaving behind a stain as it slid to the firm granite floor. Twilight winced, shrugging her shoulders to get rid of the soreness in her spine.

“Ohhhh, good lord…”

She panted from exhaustion, squinting into the darkness to see if there were any more of those things coming for her.

She didn’t see any.

But that didn’t mean much.

Gagging on the smell of burnt flesh and rot, she forced herself to move past the prone forms on the ground.

Oh god… they’re zombies, but… what if they’re real people that I-

Trying not to vomit, she trudged deeper into the tower. Sunset hadn’t been very specific about where she had hidden- sure, she’d mentioned a vent at some point, but the library itself remained elusive.

Damn.

After another half an hour of stumbling around in the darkness, she happened upon a large double-door. When she attempted to open it, it gave way but then stopped immediately. Apparently, there was something behind the doors… blocking them from opening.

Something like a heavy bookcase, perhaps.

“Yeah!” she exclaimed, pumping a fist in the air.

She’d found it.

A scream echoed from down the hall, followed by the quick pattering of feet and hands on a slightly damp floor.

In hindsight, she probably shouldn’t have yelled.

Levitating the bookshelf Sunset had placed in front of the door out of the way, she pushed the door open and darted inside, closing it and replacing the barricade as quickly as possible.

A few seconds of silence, in which Twilight took the time to catch her breath, and see if any of the creatures managed to get through.

They didn’t.

“Yeah!” she cheered, much more softly.

Confident in the impermeability of the door, she turned around almost on autopilot, ready to continue her search-

And stopped.

The smell of old leather filled her lungs, the sharp scent snapping her back into the now. Old bookshelves tastefully decorated with carvings of vines and leaves sagged under the weight of thousands of books, the stacks extending far into the darkness. Periodically, there were light orbs suspended on antique iron wreaths, illuminating the alleys but also leaving areas of dark.

It was…

“Heaven.”

The word escaped from her mouth before she even thought about it.

And then she was off, practically flying through the labyrinth, hair and cloak fluttering behind her as she moved. The grin on her face was positively cartoonish, but she didn’t care about any of that. Even her goal in coming here was completely forgotten.

“Gasp! An Anthology of the Lesser Griffin Tribes of Scandinavia? I thought all copies had been destroyed! And The Trials and Tribulations of Writing a Memoir when there’s a bee trapped in your office and you try to open the window but it still won’t fly away so you just have to deal with it but it’s very annoying so you write a book about how annoying it is by I. Hei Tubis? Incredible!”

She flittered from shelf to shelf not unlike the aforementioned bee, though with considerably less buzzing and considerably more fawning. Indeed, if this library had still had a librarian, Twilight would’ve been escorted out for gasping too loudly.

Among other things.

“I’ll have you,” she slipped a massive, dusty tome into her saddlebags and grunted as the weight almost pulled her to the ground, “and you,” she grabbed a small paperback with the words ‘Twilight: New Moon” emblazoned across the spine, “and you!”

The excitable young girl pranced happily into another aisle, as though a small child left alone in a candy store. She turned a corner-

-and almost had a heart attack.

Just beyond the next bookshelf, in the annoying slice of darkness between two light orbs, stood an imposing tower of pure evil, grumbling as it flipped through the pages of some old book.

And as she watched it, she felt its luminescent eyes look up from the book it was reading… and bore right into her soul.

It stepped forward.

She gasped, taking in the creature in the slightly better light. Blood-orange eyes, leathery bat wings that towered far above either of their heads, and limbs that definitely weren’t made of skin. And it was thin…

…it wasn’t human. Oh god, it was going to kill her. It would kill her, and she would die, and Celestia would hate her forever for organizing this expedition behind her back, and-

As the creature took another step forward, Twilight found her curiosity and her fear battling it out. Eventually, they reached an unsteady truce, and as the beast took yet another step, Twilight felt her mouth fall open.

“…what are you?” she asked, reeling back in horror.

The creature blinked.

“Excuse you, fuckin bitch.”

Twilight paused.

“What?”

The creature scoffed, setting aside its books. “That was rude. Didn’t your parents teach you any manners?”

Twilight spluttered as the creature stepped fully into the light, revealing itself to be… basically just a weird looking human. Sure, the wings were a bit freaky, it looked a bit malnourished, and the arms were really odd… but apart from that, it just looked like a burned-out student who’d tried (and failed) to revise the course material the night before a final exam.

“I’m still waiting on that apology.” the thing said, crossing its arms as it tapped the ground with its foot.

Twilight shook her head, stopping her train of thought. “Alright, I’m sorry. That was rude of me.”

The creature grinned, revealing its unnaturally sharp canines. “That’s great! I knew you weren’t brought up in a barn. Now…”

It stepped even closer, grabbing Twilight’s face and inspecting it from all angles. Twilight tried to bat its arms away, but after a strategic poke to a nerve cluster, she realised that resistance was futile. Eventually, the creature lifted her cheeks to get a good look at her gums and teeth.

“…you seem healthy.” it concluded, stepping back into the darkness. “And naïve. So, you’re probably not here for the necromancy spells.”

“Wait, there are NECROMANCY-”

“Ssssshhhh…” the creature pushed her finger against Twilight’s lips.

“But-”

“SSSSSSSHHHHHHHH….” the pressure on her lips increased, until the creature apparently decided Twilight wasn’t going to say anything else. “Now, who are you?”

Twilight puffed up her chest, feeling a distinct sense of accomplishment as she introduced herself.

“Twilight Sparkle, head librarian of the library in Ponyville, one of the bearers of the elements of harmony, and personal student of Princess Celestia.”

The creature opened its mouth to respond, presumably about to berate the newcomer or flaunt its own accomplishments, and then halted with all the grace of someone smashing headfirst into a ‘pull’ door.

“Well, I- wait, WHAT!- no, it- why?- I don’t- I see-”

The thing closed its eyes, massaging its temples as it muttered angrily under its breath. Sure, it was probably thinking up new and interesting ways it could kill Twilight, but at the moment… she couldn’t bring herself to care.

It was fascinating!

“Are those bat wings?” Twilight asked.

The creature took a deep breath, counted to ten, and then nodded.

“And what happened to your arms?”

The creature looked down at its appendages, and shrugged.

“Magic.”

“Oh!” Twilight grinned, suddenly finding herself back in her element. “I’m actually an expert on magic!”

The creature’s grin widened, one eye twitching sporadically, and all of Twilight’s instincts told her to run as far as you can as fast as you can please I beg of you.

“Not this kind of magic.” she growled through clenched teeth. “I’m certain Celestia made sure of that.”

“Wait, how do you know about Celestia?”

The thing sighed. “That is… a long and complicated story.”

Twilight shook her head in sudden realisation. “Oh, wait! You’re probably friends with Sunset Shimmer!”

The creature stared at her.

“…what?”

“You’re probably friends with Sunset Shimmer!” Twilight continued, unaware of the problems her sunny disposition was causing. “You see, I found this journal and it told me I’d find Sunset Shimmer here!”

She sided up to the creature in a move she probably thought was suave and inconspicuous. “So go on… tell me where she is and how you guys met, and… maybe I can be friends with both of you!”

The creature, rather rudely, burst into laughter.

“Wai-”

The laughter became even louder.

“Come on-”

The creature paid her no heed, instead electing to keep on laughing. Sighing, Twilight decided to wait it out.

Let it never be said I am not patient. she thought, observing as the creature slapped its knee.

Eventually, gasping for air, the creature stopped laughing. At this point, it was bent over almost double trying to keep the giggles in.

Twilight decided that this was her best shot.

“So… are you familiar with Sunset Shimmer?”

The creature snorted, and Twilight found her temper rising.

“Hey, why don’t you try being helpful?”

“Oh, darling!” the creature cried out, wheezing with laughter. “You’re looking for Sunset Shimmer?”

“Yes.” she responded adamantly.

“Honey, you’re looking at her.”

And Twilight’s brain, running on adrenaline as it was, decided it had had enough for one day.

So she passed out.

Twilight was playing chess against Spike.

“Oh!” she said in immediate realization, taking in her fuzzy surroundings and Spike’s blurry form across the crystalline chessboard. “It’s a dream!”

For a split second, she let a sense of pride and accomplishment fill her. She had correctly identified a scenario as a dream almost immediately! Usually, it took much longer than that.

Maybe she was better at lucid dreaming than she thought-

“No shit, sherlock!”

Twilight jumped at hearing the abrasive voice, a newcomer to her mind.

Sunset Shimmer heaved out of the fog surrounding them, picked Spike up, and placed him off to the side; taking his place across from her. The dragon was more of a placeholder or a statue than her faithful assistant in this dream, so he didn’t object. Casually placing her chin on her weird holey hand, the… girl… considered the chessboard.

“…hello?” Twilight asked, rather nervous. This dream itself wasn’t really a dream- it was a self-defence mechanism Luna had taught her for when she lost consciousness unexpectedly. And Sunset…wasn’t supposed to be here.

“This is clever, you know.” Sunset mentioned, picking up a pawn and moving it two paces forward. “Set up a game of chess against someone you’d never play chess with in real life… boom, instant lucid dream.”

“…I agree.” Twilight responded, moving her own pawn two spaces forward and blocking her opponent’s from moving any further. “Though I don’t mean to be a braggart… I did learn from the best.”

“Princess Luna, I presume?” Sunset asked, moving her knight over so it could take her opponent’s pawn on her next move.

Twilight was silent for a long second.

“…Princess Celestia told me a lot about you.”

Sunset grinned, fangs- for Twilight recognised those unnaturally sharp canines as fangs now- glinting in the indistinct light.

“Any of it good?”

“Not really.” Twilight moved her own knight to back up her pawn- if her opponent took her pawn, she’d take her opponent’s knight.

The creature sighed, unfurling one of her wings lazily as she moved her bishop to the same column as Twilight’s knight. “That’s fair, I suppose. Still, you must’ve found something fascinating about me- otherwise you wouldn’t be out here.”

Twilight frowned, taking in the board.

“…I find a lot of things interesting about you, Sunset. And not just physically.”

Sunset battered her eyes seductively. “I didn’t know you swung that way, Twilight.”

What?

“I- I didn’t- I was talking about your wings-”

The creature giggled into her hand, waving the student’s concerns off. “Oh, relax! That was just a bit of fun. Though for the record, I do swing that way.”

Twilight frowned, recognizing what Sunset was saying as a dirty ploy to get her mind off the game. Speaking of which… “Italian Game, huh. Wouldn’t have put you up for that kind of gal.”

Sunset watched as Twilight moved her other knight forward, in position to capture her pawn. “I never really payed attention to the fancy chess move names.”

She leaned forward, wings twitching as she did so. “Princess Celestia tried to teach me, you know. ‘Oh, this one’s the Sicilian Defence, this one’s named after a guy named Gregor for some reason’…”

She placed her hand on the knight she had already moved forward, “…like…” moving it forward so that now threatened one of the pawns behind Twilight’s knight.

“…get fucked, amirite? Who has time for all that jargon?”

Twilight nibbled on her lower lip, decidedly ignoring the unnecessary profanity. Though Sunset didn’t know the jargon… what her opponent had done was a pretty solid defence.

And Sunset was stretching, which, due to the tattered nature of her shirt, was… distracting Twilight quite badly.

“Need a minute, smarty pants?”

Twilight blinked, a furious blush coming over her face as she realised that she was staring.

Sunset grinned evilly. “You know, if you wanted a show you could’ve just asked…”

Her hands moved to unbutton her shirt, and Twilight almost passed out despite already being unconscious.

“NO!” she yelped in a voice that was about two octaves higher than it should’ve been. “I’m fine!”

Sunset shrugged. “Suit yourself.”

And then she went right back to stretching.

Sweet Jesus on high, don’t look at her!

In an attempt to do anything except ogle the person she’d come here to rescue, Twilight moved her other pawn to back up the pieces she had on the field. This, however, turned out to be a bit of a blunder, as Sunset immediately took the pawn.

When Twilight tried to analyse the situation, Sunset took to stretching again, and the younger girl found herself- once more- making moves on impulse instead of thinking them through.

Get your head in the game! she chastised herself, watching as Sunset took her two knights in quick succession. That was quite obviously a trap! You’re a big girl! You can deal with a flash of skin every now and then!

Five moves and a checkmate later, Twilight was forced to admit that she couldn’t deal with any flashes of skin. She was pretty sure her nose was bleeding.

Thankfully, she accepted her defeat with both grace and poise.

“You cheated!” Twilight maintained, pointing an accusing finger at her opponent, who was trying very hard not to laugh.

“Oh, I’m sorry!” Sunset giggled, wiping at her eyes. “I don’t think this was a very good demonstration of your chess skills regardless… it’s just so much fun!”

Twilight pouted, which only made Sunset laugh harder.

“Relax!” she cried, putting her hand on Twilight’s shoulder. “I’ve been there. I mean, at least you haven’t tried playing chess while being eaten out.”

Twilight blinked.

“Do you mean… playing chess while eating takeout?”

Immediately, all traces of mirth (and a decent amount of blood) drained from Sunset’s face. Her eyes shrunk to the size of pinpricks. Her jaw dropped so far down that it circled around and came right back up again.

“…how old are you?”

“Nineteen?” Twilight answered hesitantly. Had she done something wrong?

Sunset blinked. “…dude, haven’t you lived?”

Twilight frowned. “I’ve lived a perfectly fulfilling life, thank you very much.”

The other girl shook her head, spreading her wings as she stood and leaned over the chessboard. “That’s not what I mean. How is it possible that you’ve lived- presumably around other humans- for nineteen years, and you don’t know what ‘eating someone out’ means?”

“…I don’t know.” Twilight responded, a bit cross. “You tell me.”

Sunset shook her head sadly, mumbling ‘pathetic’ under her breath as she did so, and then snapped her fingers.

“Alright, remind me to get you some reading material once we wake up. I will not let this stand.”

“Wait!” Twilight interrupted. “How are you here, anyways?”

Sunset blinked.

“I thought you read the journal.”

“No, I mean in this dream.”

“The same statement stands. Regardless, the answer is dream magic.”

“…I thought only Luna could use that!”

“No, anybody can learn it. It requires a whole lot of practise to use, though.”

“…and what’s wrong with your hands?”

“Magic.”

“…come on.”

“Fiiine.” Sunset sighed, dropping back into the chair and putting her feet up on the table. “I guess this is fair trade for me teasing you so badly.”

Twilight sat down too, eagerly awaiting what Sunset had to say.

“…I used some magic to turn myself into something else, and this is the result.”

Her smile dropped. “That’s it?”

“Yup.” Sunset popped the ‘p’, looking around them. “I’m officially part bat and part pakshi, in case you’re interested.”

“What’s a pak-”

“I believe I’ve answered your questions.” Sunset continued, a devious glint in her eyes as she leaned forward. “Now, how about you answer some of mine?”

Twilight gulped as Sunset’s predatory gaze burned into her, making her feel… different.

She’d need a cold shower once this was all over.

“…and I’ve been living in Ponyville ever since.” Twilight concluded. “It’s nice- though the distinct lack of any ponies is weird.”

“Hmmm…” Sunset bit her lower lip, drawing a tiny amount of blood. As Twilight watched her tongue dart out and lick it away… she felt… different… again.

This is is weird.

“Alright.” Sunset ceded. “That all makes sense. But how did you find my journal?”

Twilight sighed. “That’s… a longer story…”

…

Bzzt…

…

Bzzt.

Twilight had spent most of the morning hiding in Celestia’s room, expecting whatever was in the chest to alert the Princess to how she had snuck into the royal chambers. She had curled up underneath the massive four-poster bed, chewing on the fine linen bedsheet nervously as she awaited guards dragging her to the gallows.

She shouldn’t have come in here. She had just been curious! Was that a crime?

…probably, now that she thought about it. Celestia was probably plotting her death.

Or calling in a royal airstrike. Honestly, Twilight could almost imagine Celestia giving the orders.

“Commence carpet bombing. That girl should know better than to go into my room.”

She whimpered, biting down even harder on the bedsheet. She didn’t want to die!

But retribution didn’t come. Even after the last buzz had long faded into silence… nobody came rushing down the hallway, demanding that she be drawn, quartered and hung for her crimes.

She peeked over the edge of the bed, bangs falling into her eyes as she clambered over the mattress and towards the chest.

…might as well take a look at whatever it is. she reasoned. I’ve come this far.

Because now that it had stopped buzzing, and it was clear there weren’t to be any repercussions for her actions, Twilight was no longer scared.

She was curious.

Of course, Twilight Sparkle was always curious. Celestia found it endearing. Adults found it disturbing.

She didn’t know what other kids her age thought about it.

Maybe because she didn’t know any other kids her age.

Opening the chest, she found only one item inside: an old journal, bound tastefully in leather.

She thought about opening it… but instead decided to sneak it into her bag. Slowly closing the lid of the chest, she snuck out of the room, and disappeared into the corridors of the castle.

…

“Wait, that’s it?”

“Well…” Twilight drew out the last syllable for dramatic effect, “…that isn’t the entire story.”

Sunset remained silent, waiting for her to continue.

“…at the time, I didn’t really understand the concept of ‘stealing’. It was only about two years later when I learned about it in a book where someone was executed for stealing a loaf of bread, and… well…”

Sunset leaned back. “Les Misérables, I assume? You’re a very interesting girl, Twilight.”

Twilight blushed, but continued. “Anyways, I became terrified of what Celestia would do to me… but I also wanted to know what was inside the journal. And the idea that what I had done was punishable by death… it really made me anxious around everybody for a long time- even my brother, because he’s a member of the royal guard. Eventually it got so bad that I told my parents, and they took me to Celestia to return it.”

Sunset frowned. “That doesn’t add up-”

“Hold on.” Twilight placated her, holding up her hands with her palms facing outwards. “I gave it back to Celestia… after I made an exact replica.”

Sunset was, for lack of a better word, utterly stumped. “…how old were you?”

“Seven when I stole it. Ten when I gave it back.”

Sunset whistled. “I’m impressed.”

Twilight grinned abashedly. “It wasn’t that hard. The most complicated part was trying to get the thing to run off my own magical reserves.”

“Still, that’s pretty accomplished for a ten-year-old.”

“I try.”

“…go on.”

“So I gave it back and had a straight up panic attack in front of Princess Celestia, who seemed more amused than anything. As a sort of joke, she gave me my own version of the journal that I could use to tell her things.”

“Hmm. Interesting. So, how often does she talk to you through the journal?”

“…the journal only works one way, Sunset. I can talk to her- she can’t talk to me.”

Sunset blinked. “Mine does.”

“…what?”

“Mine works both ways. And I bet you anything yours does too.” Sunset leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms. “Celestia just doesn’t write in them cuz she’s a terrible person.”

“That’s not true!”

“Oh, get your head out of your ass and admit it!” the other girl drawled, gesticulating wildly. “Celestia’s a terrible person, I’m a terrible person, everybody’s a terrible person, et cetera. Just say it!”

Twilight grimaced, not meeting Sunset’s eyes as she processed this information. “…I’ll reserve judgement until you justify your words.”

Sunset rolled her eyes, and then yawned, stretching again. Unlike the previous times, it didn’t seem deliberate.

That didn’t change the effect it had on Twilight, though.

“MOVING ON!”

…

Bzzt.

“Wha?”

Twilight shushed Spike, who had finally noticed the rather annoying buzzing coming from somewhere in the room.

“Go back to sleep.”

“…uuuungh.”

Bzzt.

“Damnit!”

Twilight slammed one of the cupboards open, and finally located the source of the noise; a leather-bound journal.

“What’s that?” Spike asked drowsily, flipping over in bed to get a better look. “Is it making the noise?”

As thought to assuage the concerns of those present, the journal buzzed once more.

“Welp, this has to go.”

Twilight grabbed it with her magic, and left the room. Her footsteps faded into obscurity for a few seconds, and then slowly faded back in.

“What was that?” Spike asked as Twilight walked in, journal-less.

“We’ll find out tomorrow.” she yawned. “Well, today morning, I guess- it’s like two. Go back to bed.”

“Where’d you keep it?” he mumbled, already burrowing back into his warm bedding.

“In the library. Now let’s try and get some sleep.”

Twilight flopped forward onto the bed, and was snoring within seconds.

…

Sunset was slumped back into her chair in a position that couldn’t possibly be comfortable. Her wingtips were drooping, twitching slightly with irritation, and her hand was covering her mouth to obscure any yawns.

“…so, what happened next?”

Twilight grinned nervously, tucking a loose lock of hair behind her right ear. “…I forgot about the journal for like two or three months. I mean, it doesn’t really drain my magical reserves that much… so it didn’t affect me in any way.”

At this point, Sunset had picked up Spike, and had begun fiddling with him. In the dream he was more akin to a plastic flamingo than an actual baby dragon, so Twilight let it slide.

“Anyways, the journal resurfaced a while later. Essentially… I used a spell on myself that was supposed to make me super smart- except I didn’t read the fine print. Basically, it had some… unfortunate side effects.”

Sunset balanced Spike on her head, grinning with pride as he didn’t fall off.

“Go on then!”

…

“Did you hear that knock on the door?” Spike (the real one) asked, praying to all that was holy that Twilight wouldn’t give him some stupid answer. Honestly, he’d had it up to here with how she was acting, and he couldn’t wait for the spell to wear off.

Twilight, dressed resplendently in a chequered-grey evening bathrobe, looked up from her comfy armchair, puffing the smoke from her pipe as she did so. Her horn was adorned with a greyish deerstalker, and her glasses were perched low on her nose.

All in all, she looked like lavender Sherlock Holmes.

“Oh, shoot!” she began, widening her eyes in amazement. “That noise?”

Spike nodded furiously.

“Yeah!” she agreed, leaning back. “It was weird!”

Twilight immediately went back to reading her broad-spread newspaper, turning the pages with her magic. Another puff of smoke escaped from her nostrils, almost obscuring her mouth from view. “Did you know of the new strides made in Underwater Basket Weaving? It’s a fascinating-”

“No!” Spike slammed his hands onto the table in front of her, upsetting her tea. “That knock? It means our friends are here! You know, the ones we invited over?”

“Wait, our friends are here?” Twilight asked, her face now barely visible through the growing cloud of smoke. The green-vizored lamp next to her flickered- apparently, the fumes were having a detrimental effect on its functioning.

“Yeah!” the dragon responded, indignant.

“…where?”

“AT THE DOOR!” he screamed, clambering onto the table and yelling in her face. “THEY WERE THE ONES KNOCKING!”

“Wait!” Twilight began, speaking in a tone that was a definite precursor to extreme violence. “What. The. Heck?”

The dragon sighed in relief. Finally, Twilight had regained some brain cells! Now-

“One of those bitches is hitting my door?”

Oh.

Spike facepalmed as his sister rushed to the front of the library, still puffing on the pipe. He’d have to remember to destroy that weird spell later. It was far more trouble than it was worth.

And he’d have to get rid of that pipe. It was, at best, a serious fire hazard.

Twilight flung the door open, revealing- oh, good lord no- Rarity, looking dapper with her hair styled to perfection, a wide-brimmed straw hat and an airy sundress that complimented her eyes. In the delicate afterglow of the morning, with the wind caressing her face like he wished he could… she seemed radiant.

Oh, and the other girls were there too.

Why, hello, my dear!” the fashionista began with a flourish. “What-”

“HITTING DOORS CAUSES THEM TO LOSE STRUCTURAL INTEGRITY!”

There was a pregnant pause, filled by the chirping of various birds and Spike’s deliberate coughing.

“…ah’m sorry, what?” Applejack began.

“I SAID, HIT-”

“Alright!” Spike interjected, pulling Twilight back into the room. As he did, she puffed on her pipe furiously, obscuring the entire room in a thick haze of smoke.

“You stay here!” he hissed furiously to Twilight, handing her another broad-spread newspaper- which she happily accepted.

“…ummm, is Twilight sick?” Fluttershy asked, concerned. The group took a few steps inside the room, and then immediately began choking on the smoke.

Spike sighed deeply, running around the circumference of the library and opening the windows in an attempt to clear the air.

“Look, Twilight cast a spell that made her book smart, but made her lose all her common sense.”

“Lost her common sense?” Rainbow asked, waving at the smoke in front of her face “More like she’s become a pretentious twat.”

Another pause.

“…how do you know that word?” Spike asked, a bit impressed at her vocabulary.

“It’s the only curse word I can say without Rarity fainting.”

He groaned, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Let’s just find a counter spell. There should be one here somewhere.”

…

“Something about that scenario feels… off.” Sunset mentioned, juggling the chess pieces in one hand and spinning Spike with the other.

“Oh, I’m paraphrasing.” Twilight mentioned, trying not to reveal how entranced she was by the display. “Anyways, spoiler alert; there wasn’t a counter spell, and they had to deal with me being an asshole for the rest of the day.”

“Hmmm. Interesting.” she tossed one of the knights higher than all the other pieces, and caught it perfectly. “Not that I’m not enjoying this… but what’s the point of this story?”

“I’m getting to it…”

…

Oh god these books are SO BORING!

Rainbow Dash inhaled deeply, resisting the urge to throw the massive book she held in her hands out of the window. There was nothing in here about anything!

And she was bored!

Sighing, she put the book back, trailing her fingers along the spines of the other books in the shelf. They were all incredibly massive, and she hated them, and she-

Her finger stopped on a thin sliver of a book (compared to the others, at least). Pulling it out, she found herself flipping it to the first page.

Her eyebrows shot up.

“Wow, I should really give this a try.”

Looking around, she realised that the only librarian present was slightly incapacitated by virtue of (temporarily) being a massive asshat. Seeing no other way to borrow the book, she walked over to the desk and stamped the book herself. Of course, in her haste, she never noticed that the book wasn’t labelled- or even that it was missing a date sheet.

And, of course, she didn’t notice that unlike most other books in the library… this one appeared to be hand-written… and tastefully leather-bound…

…

“Lemme get this straight.” Sunset asked, hovering upside down and keeping herself aloft with slow, steady beats of her wing. “This girl checked out my journal thinking it was a library book?”

“Yes.”

The other girl sighed, dropping down a bit. Now, her short hair brushed against the surface of the chess board.

“So… how long did this Rainbow chick have my journal?”

“About a month. When I found out, though…”

…

THUD.

Twilight turned around, holding up an arm to protect her eyes from the cloud of dust that rolled towards her from the door.

“Where.” Rainbow Dash demanded icily, stalking towards Twilight’s desk in a menacing manner that was unbecoming of the iridescent individual.

Hey, that’s decent. Twilight thought. I should write that down.

…

“Yeah.” Sunset agreed, “that’s some pretty good alliteration.”

…

“Where’s the rest of this book?” she demanded, slamming her hand down on the desk so hard it cracked in five different places.

Twilight blinked. “What book?”

“THIS BOOK!”

Rainbow brought her other hand (the one holding the book) up, and smashed it into the table, successfully obliterating the polished mahogany.

“…”

Twilight used her two fingers to extract the book from the rubble of her desk, trying her best to avoid the wood splinters surrounding it, and opened it to the first page.

“This isn’t a library book.” she said immediately.

“Well,” Dash growled, lithe muscles rippling as she prowled across the remains of the desk and advanced on all fours towards the librarian. “I found it in the library. So what does that tell you?”

Twilight felt sweat beading on her forehead… though she wasn’t sure what it was that she was feeling. It was equal parts fear… and something else she couldn’t quite place-

…

“Damn, you really don’t know anything.”

“What?” Twilight asked.

Sunset rolled her eyes. “You were turned on, dude! You’re clearly a sub.”

A sub…

“Do you mean one of those sandwitches you can get at the deli? And what do you mean turned on?”

Sunset sighed, putting her head in her hands. “Nevermind. Go on.”

…

“I’m serious!” Twilight retorted. “It’s not a library book. It’s…”

She took the book, inspecting it from all angles. “It’s something from my personal collection.”

“Well, do you know if it has a sequel?” the other girl demanded, splaying her hands across Twilight’s cheeks and forcing her to make eye contact.

“N-n-no?”

“Damnit!”

Rainbow groaned, punching her fist into her open palm.

“I finally found something that I like as much as Daring Do, and just my luck- it hasn’t been finished!”

She collapsed into Twilight’s lap, inspecting her nails. “Goddamnit.”

The librarian delicately placed the book aside, and then softly patted Dash’s head. “There, there. I’ll find you something better.”

Rainbow looked up at her, opening her mouth to speak-

…

“Dude, unless you’re about to launch into a lewd sex scene, just skip it.” Sunset interjected.

“Alright!” Twilight sighed, exasperated. “The long and short of it is that afterwards, I managed to burn about half the book in a freak explosion.”

Sunset blinked. “What?”

“And then I finally read the first page, which was basically the only one that survived, and then I came here to rescue you.”

Finished with her retelling, Twilight leaned back into her chair, trying to mirror the nonchalant position Sunset had assumed. It was… more difficult than she anticipated.

The other girl considered this information, and then shrugged. “Fine. But doesn’t Celestia know about this?”

Twilight gasped in pain, feeling a cramp coming on in her lower neck. She wasn’t sure spines were meant to bend that way.

“No.” she spluttered. “I- I went behind Celestia’s back-”

She gasped loudly, finally freeing herself from the prison that was her chair. Her head ached from her attempt.

“You should really leave that stunt to the professionals.” Sunset mentioned, inspecting her nails in the same position Twilight had nearly suffocated in.

“Well?” she asked once Twilight kept staring. “Go on!”

…

FWOOSH!

“Oh, thank goodness!”

Spike wiped at his forehead, discarding the fire extinguisher. It had taken almost half an hour, but he’d finally managed to put out that stupid goddamned chemical fire. Twilight, on the other hand, was upstairs, trying to salvage what was left of her notes.

“Twi, I think I’m done!” he called.

Silence.

Panting heavily, he threw the door open, and clambered up the stairs. “Twi, I’m done!”

Still silence.

He staggered into the main room of the library on unsteady legs, and fell to his knees. In front of him, Twilight was staring down at the tattered remains of a journal sitting on her desk. Her lamp was on, and she was inspecting the pages with a jeweller’s loupe.

“Twi…” he wheezed, stretching his arm out in her direction before collapsing to the ground.

The sudden thud from his fall caught Twilight’s attention, though, as she suddenly looked up with an intense vigour in her eyes.

“Get ready, Spike!” she called, bounding over to him. “We’re going to go rescue a student in need!”

He didn’t respond.

“Spike?”

She poked him, and suddenly realised that he was drenched in sweat.

“Oh.”

Spike sat in the bathtub, listening as Twilight recounted the contents of the journal. The icy water from the faucet sloshed over his shoulders, sometimes spraying her in the face.

She supposed she deserved it.

“Alright.” he said, rubbing at his forehead. “So, what do you plan to do about this Sunset Shimmer person?”

Twilight grinned. “I’m going to go rescue her, and bring her back to Canterlot to reunite her with Celestia!”

Spike paused. “Have you… talked to Celestia about this, perchance?”

“Actually, that’s step one!” she responded, pulling out a chart. “Step one: we’re going to ask Celestia-”

“Twi, according to this, Celestia and Sunset have plenty of bad blood. How about we don’t do something that may jeopardise our chances of rescuing her?”

She shrugged it off, her grin widening. “I’m sure she’ll be fine with it.”

…

“Just…” Sunset interrupted, massaging her temples, “…a wild guess; she wasn’t fine with it, was she?”

Twilight sighed sadly. “Nope.”

…

“No.”

“Wha-”

“I expressedly forbid it.”

“But-”

“No argument.”

Twilight sighed, trying to look past her mentor’s unusually stony demeanour. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

She sighed, turning away. “Alright.”

Even without glancing back, she could tell that Celestia’s smile was back.

“Brilliant! Now, are you opposed to telling me more about your discoveries back in Ponyville?”

…

“Well, you can’t claim Spike didn’t warn you.” Sunset mentioned, now planking on the chessboard.

“That isn’t even the worst part.” Twilight said miserably. “I only asked Celestia if I could do some research on you.”

The other girl quirked an eyebrow. “Once more; not unexpected. Still, does this mean you’re here behind Celestia’s back?”

“…yes.”

Sunset nodded. “Damn. Alright.”

She stretched casually, yawning deeply as she did so. Perhaps out of common courtesy, she didn’t mention Twilight’s blush when she stopped.

“You’ve been asleep for a few hours. I’ll drag myself out of here, and then I’ll wake you up. Sound good?”

“Wait.” Twilight interrupted, diddling her fingers. “One last question.”

The other girl raised an arm, flicking her hand in a circle. “Go ahead.”

“Why do you look so starved?”

Sunset paused, probably thinking of a way to answer that question.

“I made myself part pakshi in an effort to learn their magic. However….I miscalculated and kinda forgot that I need some emotions to sustain myself. In fact, I was planning on heading out in a few days to eat.”

Twilight gasped. “Will you be alright?”

Sunset grinned at that. “My dear, I feed off emotions. Chances are, when we wake up your lust will be enough to satiate me for weeks!”

“Wait, lust?”

“Unimportant!” she flung her arms into the air. “Let’s go!”

And with that, the world went black.

Author's Note

A/N: So apparently Starswirl wasn’t in a relationship with Luna. It’s just that I’ve read three different fics where that happens, so I assumed it was canon.

It isn’t.

Welp, fuck canon. I’m making my own canon, with blackjack and hookers! And my canon is gonna be waaaay better!

Also just to avoid any nasty surprises, I should mention that this is a SunLight fic. Just FYI, y’know?

come on!

“Dude, come on!”

The exclamation echoed through the massive library, disturbing small things that skittered about in the dark. Eventually, the sound faded, leaving behind an all-encompassing silence… at least until Twilight responded.

“SO MANY BOOKS!” a faint voice called from deep within the bookshelves. “HOW DO I DECIDE?”

“I don’t care!” Sunset called back, groaning into the saddlebag she’d been using as a pillow for the past few months. It was weird… she was finally leaving the library. After six months of being down here, and learning all she could.

Ah well.

“Just get out here!”

The silence dragged on for a few minutes, and Sunset was just about to call out for the excitable young girl when she heard a soft grunt… followed by another… and another…

Almost a quarter hour later, Twilight emerged into the light, trying her best to carry her bulging saddlebags and rucksack. Her bangs were plastered to her forehead with sweat, and there were huge dark stains all over her shirt.

“Finally done?” Sunset quirked an eyebrow. “Or are we staying down here-”

“DONE.” Twilight wheezed, apparently unable to respond in anything over monosyllables. “LEAVE.”

The other girl shrugged. “Alright. Let’s move out!”

And with that, she attempted to don her cape, failed due to her wings, shrugged, grabbed her bag, and set off for the door. As she did so, she held her index finger up and set it ablaze to provide light.

“WAIT.”

Sunset paused, flicking her ear to indicate she was listening.

It took about a minute for Twilight to get enough air into her lungs to speak, but once she managed it, she raised an arm that was trembling under the weight of her bags, and pointed at Sunset’s luggage.

“THAT’S IT?”

The other girl took the time to inspect her one bag, which was mostly empty judging by how flat it was.

“Yes. I don’t have much… stuff.”

“…”

“…help. PLEASE.”

“Oh, alright!”

Sunset grabbed two of the bags from Twilight, hoisting them onto her shoulders in such a manner that they didn’t catch on her wings. “I’m only doing this to get us out of here faster. Capiche?”

There was no answer. When Sunset turned to demand that they get a move on, she found that Twilight had passed out in a puddle of her own sweat.

“Aw, shit!”

Twilight made a surprisingly good sledgehammer.

Those zombie illusion things never stood a chance.

“…ake u…”

Twilight frowned, unable to discern what was being said.

“…ake up!”

She strained her ears to listen more closely-

“WAKE UP!”

She screamed, scrabbling at the ground with her hands as she tried to throw herself into a sitting position. “Wh- what?”

As she readjusted her glasses on her nose, Sunset Shimmer swam into focus. From the angle that she was looking up from, all Twilight could see was Sunset’s upper torso and the dense, grey clouds, tossing up snow in swirls around the two.

“Oh, good, you’re awake.” she said, offering a hand to her to help her up. “We need to get going. I’d like to get this shit over with before sundown.”

“Ummm…”

Sunset rolled her eyes and yanked Twilight to her feet. Unfortunately, Twilight wasn’t prepared for the sudden change, and ended up falling into the other girl’s arms.

“…hot damn.”

Twilight blushed, biting down on her lower lip. She hadn’t meant to say that.

Sunset flashed her a predatory grin. “Well… if that’s what you think we could-”

“Spike’s still on the ship!” she yelped. “They needed someone to command the vessel in case the winds from the blizzard got too strong and they had to evacuate and I trust him! And he’s probably worried and oh god we should get going-”

Twilight was a blur as she shot off into the trees- and then immediately stopped.

The snow crunched under her feet as she turned to face Sunset, the expanse between them not unlike the no-man’s ground of a battlefield.

“…so, where’s your house?”

They had been trekking through the darkness for approximately forever. And then some.

Nothing around them changed. It all looked the same- trees, snow, trees, snow, trees, snow; snow and then trees?- they were spicing it up!

Twilight groaned, dragging a trembling hand down her face. Though Sunset had assured her they were heading in the same direction as the town, and that this was a shortcut… she couldn’t help but be a tad sceptical.

It didn’t help that the tonnes of tomes weighing down her bag were so excruciatingly heavy she couldn’t even focus enough to cast a locator spell. And that was after Sunset had taken about half the load!

Speaking of the other girl, she had long abandoned her cloak… and what was left on her body was once more distracting Twilight. There was a long-sleeved shirt that was mostly in tatters, leaving lots of skin exposed… and her pants, though they didn’t have any holes in them… had burned off just above her thighs.

Also, they were form fitting, which meant that each movement was accentuated with rippling muscles and sashaying hips and round-

She slapped herself.

“Are you staring again?” Sunset called. “Because I wouldn’t hold it against you.”

Twilight shook her head, trying to disperse the images running through her head. “Just wondering why your pants are burned.” she panted.

Sunset pondered the question. “I don’t exactly remember. It was either a spell that went wrong, a side-effect of me sleeping too close to the fire, or they’ve always been this way and I never realised. Actually, now that I think about it, it’s probably the fire.”

Twilight shuddered. “Wouldn’t your leg be burnt too?”

Sunset shook her head, tapping her wrist with her finger. “I fireproofed my entire body the instant I learned how to. It’s a useful thing to have as a pyromancer.”

“Oh.”

And so they moved on. Twilight was still incredibly exhausted, but she kept putting one foot in front of the other. It seemed that everything was working against her; her back was drenched in sweat because of the exertion of carrying the books, but the front of her body was freezing because of the opening in the cloak. The ground was uneven, with twigs, rocks and dead leaves hidden under the snow throwing off her gait. And of course, it didn’t help that Sunset was their only source of light, and her blazing hand cast undulating shadows that made her look much more… alluring.

A howl from somewhere in the distance did wonders to distract her.

“Hey, Sunset?” she called, glancing at the darkening woods with apprehension. “Are you sure it’s safe out here?”

“Nah.” Sunset responded. “But if it’s any consolidation, if something does attack us I’ll probably be able to handle it.

“…probably?”

“Hey, I’m not perfect.” she grinned cockily, flicking her hair back. “Just damn close.”

Twilight blushed, averting her gaze.

“Speaking of being damn close, look!”

Twilight strained her eyes to see what Sunset was gesturing towards, but her eyes failed her. At this time of the night, anything that wasn’t directly illuminated by Sunset’s fist was pitch black void.

“…I can’t see, Sunset.”

Sunset grimaced. “Oh. I’d forgotten about my night vision. Anyways, follow me!”

As they walked, Twilight began noticing a few changes in their surroundings. There was less snow piled up on the ground, and the number of trees per unit area was going down.

And that was to say nothing of the fence.

“Are we on your property now?” she panted.

Sunset’s grin widened. “Absolutely! In fact…”

She picked up the pace slightly, and suddenly two double-doors heaved out of the darkness. They were flanked by a white wall, but Twilight couldn’t see much more than that.

“Here!”

With reckless abandon, Sunset flew up and threw open the doors, strolling inside with her arms outspread and eyes shining like stars in the night. She darted forward once they had passed the threshold, leaving Twilight to follow.

As Sunset disappeared through the doorway at the end of the entrance hall, Twilight dropped the bags, wincing as they hit the ground. After a few seconds to catch her breath, she picked up her pace to match Sunset’s. “Hey, wait-”

She entered the atrium and her jaw dropped.

“…”

Sunset grinned, perched as she was atop the bannister of the staircase in a Slavic crouch; arms spread outwards as she gestured towards their surroundings.

“Welcome to my crib!”

Twilight found herself at a loss for words. It was a ‘crib’ in the same way that Canterlot castle was a ‘cottage’. A chandelier that was at least thrice her size hung from the ceiling, adorned with murals and long sheets of gossamer. The staircase led up to another set of huge double-doors, and the atrium itself was enough to fit the entire library inside.

The entire floor was carpeted in a lush material that felt as though she was walking on clouds, and there were massive windows everywhere. In truth, it was a residence fit for a queen.

“Though it isn’t really mine.” Sunset mentioned, jumping down. “I donated the place to the city a… few years ago, I think? I dream-visited the mayor, you see. I just asked them to keep my belongings somewhere safe.

“That’s…” Twilight paused to think about what she should say next. “…awfully opulent and generous of you.”

Sunset snorted. “I don’t need this place anymore, dude. What the hell else d’you expect me to do with it? Let it gather dust as a symbol of my insane power?”

The younger girl sighed. “Fair enough. Let’s just go get your other stuff.”

They ran into the warden, a greying bat person who didn’t speak much, almost immediately. He’d recognised Sunset, and had directed her towards the closet where they’d kept her stuff.

Which had been interesting.

“So… this is it?”

Sunset held up her rucksack, which had been gathering dust in a closet for almost a decade. “Yup. It’s got a change of clothes in it, and that’s basically all I need right now. Thanks, Joe!”

The warden tipped his wide-brimmed hat, flapping his wings powerfully and propelling himself down the hallway in an instant.

“He’s efficient like that.” Sunset mentioned before Twilight could get a word in edgewise. “Now, I’m going to cut my hair, and then I’m going to have a warm bath. You’re welcome to join.”

Twilight let out a small ‘eep’. “Actually, I don’t-”

“Actually, it wasn’t a question. Come along!”

So apparently, Sunset had done that just for laughs. Which was a relief, to be sure, but Twilight couldn’t help but be a tiny bit disappointed.

She didn’t understand it.

She was actually helping Sunset style her hair right now; making sure the cut was level and whatnot. Apparently, the girl had had to advertise the fact that she was a pyromancer with her appearance- and that involved drawing circles and squares of gold into her already red hair, and cutting it so that it looked like a burning flame.

It was creative. And looked pretty awesome. Especially compared to her own bangs, which were styled that way because all she needed to trim them was a bowl and some scissors.

“Right.” Sunset pulled the remaining vestiges of her hair into a… she couldn’t really call it a bun- it was more of an explosion of hair barely contained by her hairband. Finally, she picked up her locket- a choker with cubic runes attached to it. It… really went with her look.

“Now get out. Unless you want to-”

“Nope!” Twilight squeaked, almost leaving a hole in the wall as she made her escape. Sunset grinned before getting back to work. It was almost too easy…

Meanwhile, Twilight was gasping for air on the other side of the door. Though her mind was jumbled to hell and back, there was one thought that truly reigned supreme.

…what was that?

And that wasn’t just referring to Sunset’s promiscuity; Twilight was already getting used to those. Her beef was more with… Sunset herself.

From the way Celestia had been acting, Sunset was some sort of unreasonable monster who was almost completely irredeemable. And she… wasn’t that. Sure, her morals were a bit shaky, and she was a bit rude… but that didn’t explain Celestia’s actions.

“Alright!” Sunset called from behind the door, her voice muffled by the dense wood. “I’m done!”

Twilight turned away from the door just as Sunset opened it, revealing herself to be wearing a white shirt underneath a form-fitting full-sleeved leather jacket. There were leather buckles on the wrists, presumably to make sure the sleeves didn’t slip down and reveal her perforated limbs.

Considering Twilight’s own wardrobe- a purple t-shirt, jeans and a thick cloak- she wasn’t sure whether to feel underdressed or overdressed.

Along with all of that, Sunset was wearing fingerless gloves that looked like full gloves due to the colour of her skin, and jean shorts that came down to only about four inches above her knees. Below that… stockings…

Good lord…

“Wh- why are you wearing those?” Twilight stuttered, trying to keep her eyes off Sunset’s legs…

“Because of that.”

Once more blushing, Twilight forced her eyes shut and rubbed her forehead. “Oh, right. You eat emotions.”

“We have a winner!” Sunset announced, grabbing the other girl by the arm and dragging her down the hallway. “Your lust is enough to keep me going for weeks!”

“Isn’t it cold?” Twilight asked. “You’ll get frostbite!”

“I’m made of tougher stuff than that!” she responded dismissively. “Besides, I guarantee you that carrying my stuff to your airship or whatever is gonna make me sweat like a pig.”

“…could we stay here for a while before we go? I’m not eager to go out into the… cold so soon.”

“Oh?” Sunset asked. “And it has nothing to do with your luggage?”

Twilight shook her head, plastering a rather fake grin across her face. “Nope!”

Sunset tapped her chin, considering the best course of action.

“Hmmm… it’s been a while since I’ve had coffee. Hey, could you get started on that, Joe?”

Twilight sighed. “He’s not-”

The curtains behind them rustled as Joe emerged. He tipped his hat, flapped his wings, and retreated rapidly in the direction of the kitchen.

“…well, I’ll be damned.”

“Espresso for me, please!” Sunset called into the dark hallway, the sounds echoing off the arched ceiling.

“Whipped cream and sugar on top!”

The night was still. The blizzard howled in the distance, depositing inches of snow on the frozen ground. In the sky, the moon shone like a half-lidded eye. And the trees, with their bare limbs and tall bodies, stood as silent guardians against the creatures in the forest.

“….woooooooOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Twilight was almost vibrating with pent-up energy as she escaped from within the mansion, doing cartwheels on the front lawn as she screamed in joy.

“COME ON!” she yelled, running back to the entrance where Sunset was dallying and picking her up bridal style. “Hey, did you know that I’m not allowed caffeine after the infamous ‘Breakfast Massacre’ of o’five? Guess I should’ve mentioned that earlier, right? Let’s go!”

Sunset groaned, almost regretting her choice. The girl had had three espressos before Joe had decided to cut her off, and that had apparently been enough to get her bouncing off the walls.

At least all that extra energy meant that she could carry the books again.

“…and actually did you know that my big brother’s getting married? Ohmigod, he’s getting married! And he’s getting married to my babysitter, no less! We should be back in time for the wedding, but I’m still worried, you know? Nah, you probably don’t. You’re so cool! I’ve known about the wedding for a few months now, and I was so sure he was going to announce it sooner, but nooooo, he had to do it just as I was leaving on an important mission behind Celestia’s back! Hey, do you have anything we can get him as a housewarming gift? Wait, actually, do they even have a house yet? A new one, I mean. They definitely still have the old one. Actually- wait a second.”

Twilight paused to take a breath, and then continued blabbering. Sunset tuned her out, for both their sakes.

“…so it starts raining chocolate milk, and I’m like what? and my friends are like what? and Discord is like haha I’ve got you now! and we’re like…”

“Twilight?”

With a woosh of air, Twilight set her down and stood in front of her. “Yes, Sunset? Do you have any questions? Hey, maybe-”

“Ummm, no.” Sunset pushed the girl away with one finger. “Actually… I was wondering if I could get a few minutes out here. Alone.”

“Oh.” that took all the wind out of Twilight’s sails. “How’re you going to get to the airship?”

Sunset grinned. “It’s kinda hard to miss the massive airship hovering over the town, y’know? I’ll be a few minutes.”

“But-”

“I’ll be a few minutes, Twilight. Please.”

With remarkable self-restraint, considering how hyper she was, Twilight turned to leave, hoisting her bags more cleanly onto her back. The ease with which she walked was commendable, considering how heavy all her stuff was.

After a hesitant glance backwards, the girl raised her hood and skipped away. Within seconds, she was lost to the heavy snow and the dense tree-trunks.

Sunset stayed.

Within seconds, the woods fell silent. The blizzard that was moving in on town was still a few miles off, so the wind didn’t disturb her solace either.

Gasping in some of the sharp air, Sunset spoke.

“You would’ve loved this… right?”

She hugged her knees, resting her head against a greying trunk as she stared up at the sky. The soil stained her legs, and the roots would probably leave scuffs in the denim… but that didn’t really matter, did it?

“And then you would’ve gotten a cold because you stayed out in the snow for too long, and I’d stay up all night taking care of you or something…”

Sunset stuck her tongue out, catching one of the falling snowflakes on the tip. It melted almost immediately, the refreshing sting leaving her longing for more.

…she ran her hands through her hair, tucking most of the overhang behind her ears, and then wiped at her eyes. Sighing, she let a long, shuddering gasp escape from her lips, and slammed her hands downwards… rooting herself to the world.

And then she tilted her head upwards, loosing herself to the feeling of the rough bark against her back, and the numbing snow against her thighs, and the heavy cloak on her shoulders, and the dry dirt clenched tightly between her fingers, and the tears mingling with the flakes settling on her cheeks.

She was going home.

…

She was finally going home.

…

“…I wish you were here.”

Author's Note

A/N: I’m really fucking proud of the fact that I'll be putting my OTP on a ship.

now for the boring bits

Rarity was making a dress.

Well, calling it a dress would be a tad disingenuous.

In actuality, it was more a suit of armour with a frock in place of a cuisse, and no greaves at all. It was made up of plates of steel that could slide over one another to allow for more mobility, which were connected together with a chain-mail frock- an innovation that she was quite proud of. It had been commissioned by the local armoury as a gift for a dignitary that was supposed to arrive next month… and they had wanted it to look fabulous.

Of course, after only about ten minutes spent in the monochromatic hellhole that was Siberia, inspiration had struck her light a bolt of lightning, and she had retreated inside her nice, warm, cosy quarters to work in peace. Applejack had accompanied her so they could chat for a while, but had eventually left to look for Twilight.

Hmmm… cross-stitching or paladin for the padding? One’s more durable, but the other’s less likely to nip on delicate bits.

She considered the question for a moment, and then settled on cross-stitching. She could just run some more fabric over the rougher bits. They were paying her handsomely- she could spare some more material.

Besides, she was pretty sure the armour was more decorative than anything else.

Satisfied with her justification, she threaded her needle and pinched it between her fingers in anticipation of the first stitch.

Gee, I sure hope nothing bad happens! she thought forcefully, glancing about the cabin for anything that might distract-

wa-THOOOM.

The sound reverberated, shaking her room and causing some ornaments to fall off the walls. The ship itself creaked painfully, tiling perilously to starboard and giving her a far clearer view of the ground underneath them than she was comfortable with.

Then, slowly, it rocked itself back.

“Never fails.” she muttered offhand, setting her needle aside and reaching for her overcoat. On the outside, she remained unfazed. As a dignified businesswoman who had to deal with interruptions like this on the hour every hour back home, she was used to terrifying things almost killing her.

That didn’t mean she was just going to sit back and take it, though.

Tying down her trunk and other tools to ensure they wouldn’t fly out of the window if the ship was hit again, she stepped out into the narrow hallway, preparing herself for the cold as she sauntered onto the deck.

It didn’t help.

The chill still stole her breath away immediately, making her freeze in place for almost a full minute as she tried to adjust.

Over the howling wind and steady thum of the engine, the sounds of arguing reached her ears. One of the voices was unfamiliar to her, but she recognised the other as belonging to one of the crew.

“Relax, it isn’t even that bad.” the unfamiliar voice reasoned, drawing out the syllables.

“…it’s a hole in the bloody ship!”

A snap, and the world seemed to compress and expand around her. In the distance, the clouds retreated fearfully. The ground grew legs and leapt up to meet them as all light faded, leaving her with a deep, primal fear of the dark that would persist until the day she died.

And then it was over.

Everything returned to normal.

…well, the mental scars would never fade, but that was an issue for another day. The girls and her paid good money for their therapy sessions, after all.

“See? It’s fine!” the voice maintained. “No harm done!”

As Rarity gathered up her courage and approached the incanscessant bickering, the crew member spoke.

“…what was that?”

“Dark magic.” the other said dismissively. “Don’t worry about it. Oh, and by the way; here’s your pretty princess.”

And so, the fashionista turned the corner to see what in the world was going on.

Honestly, she would’ve been better off not knowing.

A young girl absolutely drenched in black and brown held Twilight Sparke upside down with her magic, facing down an utterly terrified crew member. Said crew member yielded another few feet as the girl dumped Twilight like a sack of potatoes.

“…what the hell?”

The newcomer groaned, running a hand through her fiery hair. “She was prancing around in the village square demanding that everybody get up bright and early for a good head start on the daaaaaay! Eugh.”

The crewmember deigned to respond, but then noticed Rarity’s approach.

“Wait!” he pointed at her. “She’s the one who knows everything!”

And with that, he was gone.

Leaving her to deal with their new visitor.

Hmm.

Rarity inspected the new girl closely. Worn clothes, stains everywhere, hiding something wrong with her arms, knows her colour scheme very well, probably a pyromancer, way shorter than she looks but makes up for it with her tall boots.

On the ground, Twilight snored.

“…good evening.” Rarity began, flicking a lock of magenta hair behind her ear and flashing a blindingly exasperating smile in the direction of the newcomer. It was a doozy; she called it the ‘mmm, please’, and it was remarkably good at making others feel inferior.

“Knock it off.” the other girl growled, waving a hand towards Rarity’s face. “And for the record… your friend can’t hold her caffeine all that well.”

The fashionista didn’t let up on the smile; instead electing to turn it up a couple lumens. “Well, dear, why did you give her caffeine in the first place? Surely-”

“Oh, fuck you!”

There was a pause, during which the purple-haired girl gave the other another once-over. While she was most assuredly uncouth and absolutely horrendous company… there was something rather endearing about her demeanour.

So she grinned, and extended a hand. “Rarity.”

Her fiery opponent accepted. “Sunset. I look forward to insulting you further.”

Hiding her giggle with her dainty palm, Rarity responded.

“So do I.”

“…could one of you please help me up?”

Twilight was dealing with the aftermath of consuming large amounts of caffeine.

It sucked.

Fatigued as she was, she’d taken the liberty of retiring to her quarters post-haste, and had wrapped herself in all the blankets she owned. Sure, she should probably have been out looking for her friends, and ensuring that they weren’t outdoors when the blizzard hit… but her massive headache made even entertaining the prospect of leaving her bed unbearable.

Still, in the low light of the oil lamp that blazed overhead, and the warmth of the internal heating system… she couldn’t deny that she felt much better.

So she lay there, suspended in a state somewhere between sleep and wakefulness, revelling in her cosy surroundings.

Just as she was about to succumb to her exhaustion, she heard her door creak open, and a gust of cold air heralded the arrival of none other than Sunset Shimmer.

As it turned out, the girl wasn’t entirely heartless. Upon realising what Twilight was doing, she had quickly closed the door, and attempted to remain quiet.

“…hello?” she whispered, trying to ease Twilight into conversation. The purple-haired girl simply groaned, attempting to cover her eyes.

“What happened to Rarity?”

Sunset considered the best way to answer the question, swaying slightly on her feet.

“She’s finishing up a dress she was making.”

“What about… the others?”

“What others?”

Twilight groaned again, starting to extract herself from the blankets, but was stopped by Sunset.

“Dude, talk to me before you decide to do something.”

“…alright. I’m talking about the girls; Fluttershy, Applejack, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie. They’ll be about town, and I need to go and find-”

“NO YOU DON’T!”

Both girls jumped as Pinkie Pie materialized out of the ether, hanging suspended in the air for a solid five seconds before she dropped squarely onto the mountain of blankets on Twilight’s bed.

“Rainbow Dash is outside!” she sang cheerily, throwing her hands up into the air. “The only ones you need to find now are Applejack and Fluttershy!”

"That's nice." Twilight groaned, clutching her head and trying to ignore all the things that didn't make sense. "But-"

“Oh, wait! You have a hangover! I can help you!” Pinkie claimed, adjusting her glasses. “I’ll have you know that I have a masters in curing hangovers.”

“You-”

Twilight was silenced by the pink-haired girl producing a disturbingly official looking degree from Canterlot University. According to it, Pinkie had triple-majored in ‘Curing Hangovers’, ‘Steam Locomotion’, and ‘Methematics’.

Sunset squinted. “Wait, is that a misprint?”

“Nope!” Pinkie tossed the degree away, and nobody saw where it went. “I also have a PHD in ‘Defying Entropy and other laws of the natural world’. Is that useful?”

Twilight was about to respond, but another bout of pain wracked her nerves, forcing her to slip back underneath the blankets.
"Gimme a second." she rasped, looking to Sunset- who was shuffling awkwardly. "I'll be-"

“No, you rest." she interjected, straightening. "I’ll go find your friends. It's the least I can do."

There was a silence in which Twilight stared at Sunset, wondering what she hoped to gain with that particular bit of altruism.

“Hey, I’m not a monster.” she retorted, flapping her wings and propelling herself out of the room. “I just look like one.”

The subsequent silence was broken only by Pinkie’s loud cheer.

Applejack had been pacing a hole into the wooden floorboards when Sunset emerged from belowdecks. She was absolutely drenched in snow, and was shivering despite her heavy overcoat.

“Twilight’s down there.” Sunset mentioned, squaring up to take off. “Any questions you have can be directed towards her. Also, do you know where I can find Fluttershy?”

The other girl opened her mouth, but closed it immediately once it became apparent that she wouldn’t be able to force any words past her chattering teeth. Instead, she elected to gesture in the general direction of a grove of ash trees.

“Thanks!”

And with that, Sunset took to the air. Though the blizzard was slowly kicking in, the winds were still manageable. They wouldn’t stay that way for long, however, so it was imperative that she found the last of Twilight’s friends.

It would also help take her mind off what she was about to do.

She was going home.

…

…don’t think about it!

She groaned in frustration, spiralling towards the ground. It didn’t really make sense that one of Twilight’s friends was out in the middle of the woods, either. It would’ve made far more sense to stay near the town, especially with the storm bearing down on them.

Speaking of the town, she’d probably have to talk to her contacts about how she was finally leaving. It would be a shame, really… at least she’d be able to keep using the dream-walking spell.

With that, she ploughed face-first into a snowdrift.

…ow.

She lay there for a while, cursing herself for not learning how to land.

Then a small hand nudged her shoulder, presumably to ensure that she was still breathing.

“…ummm… are you alive?”

Sunset sighed, rolling over to find a young girl decked out in a yellow sweater that had ‘my other car is a draconequus’ written on it. Said girl was nervously fiddling with her pink hair, and avoiding eye contact.

…well, her name checks out.

“Fluttershy, I presume?”

“Y-yes, I-” suddenly, the pink-haired girl noticed something, and leapt forward.

“Whoa!” Sunset exclaimed as Fluttershy began prodding at the membrane of her wings. “Personal space, please?”

Immediately, the other girl shrunk back. “S-sorry. It’s just that… you need to take very good care of your wings. If you don’t wash them properly, or stretch them too much… you could develop a fatal infection!”

Sunset stared for a second.

“…how do you know that?”

“I- I help animals.” she mentioned, still curling her hair around her index finger. “And some of them are bats with wings like yours.”

“…that’s nice.” Sunset responded after a long, arduous pause. With one hand, she gestured over her shoulder towards the airship looming on the horizon. “You should probably go. Twilight’s looking for you.”

“Oh!” Fluttershy began, but was cut off by Sunset.

“I’ll answer questions on the ship. Long story short, I’m coming with you guys. Capisce?”

Fluttershy began to say something, thought better of it, and sighed. “Alright. Though I think Discord wants to have a word with you.”

“Who?”

The world shattered, spun, and rearranged itself so that there was suddenly a massive draconequus standing behind Fluttershy. Said draconequus snapped his fingers, leading to Fluttershy disappearing in a poof of yellow smoke.

“Hello!” he began, twirling a walking stick that had definitely not been on his person a second ago. “You’re the one that ran away, right?”

Sunset sighed. Apparently, the eldritch terror that was Discord had gotten free, and was on good terms with the Princess.

Fuck. Might as well.

“Yes, I am. I see that my reputation precedes me.”

“Hmmm.” he stroked his goatee, gazing into the sky. “Not really, no. You’re not much of a celebrity back in Equestria… kinda faded into obscurity after all the stuff that happened with Twilight Sparkle and her gang.”

She shrugged. “Figures.”

“Anyways, I have a proposition for you!”

…fine.

“I’m listening.”

He grinned, exposing one yellowing fang. “As you might be aware, I am a creature that feasts on chaos! And you know what’s going to cause a lot of chaos?”

A trembling talon extended towards her.

“…me?” Sunset asked, catching on.

“Bingo!” Discord exclaimed, clapping his hands. “So, here’s the deal; I give you a book, and you promise to read it.”

Sunset ruminated on the offer for a second.

“What’s the catch?”

“There isn’t one. In fact, now that I think about it, you don’t even have to promise to read it!”

The draconequus laughed raucously, leaning on his dapper walking stick and clutching his comically large top-hat in his right hand. Then he choked, hacking up a few rabbits that grew wings and flew away.

“…what?”

Discord gave one last cough, hitting his chest for emphasis, and a book escaped his gullet to land on Sunset’s face.

“Ah.” he cleared his throat, wincing as the book slowly slid off. “That would be the complete instruction manual for chaos magic. Please make sure to use it irresponsibly.”

Sunset blinked. “Don’t you mean-”

“I know what I said.”

And with that, he vanished in a puff of navy-blue smoke. The smoke itself proceeded to disperse into approximately twenty translucent woodpeckers, which began attacking the ashen trees with gusto.

…Sunset sat still for a while, trying to process all that had just happened.

Then she considered the ramifications of learning chaos magic.

Then, as she was about halfway down the list of cons (Discord could be trying to trick her, she could bring harm to other people, it was incredibly fickle and difficult and could cause her to lose her grasp on the rest of her magic) she realised that it would really piss Celestia off.

Guess that settles it! she thought cheerily, levitating the book (which had been lovingly embroidered with a rendition of Discord’s visage) into her saddlebags. Securing the bag to her side, she spread her wings and took to the skies.

…

…this ought to be fun.

Author's Note

Leave comments! Like, plot things! Or something! im so tired fucc

Welp

Welp
I fucked up.

It’s honestly hard to put into words how much I fucked up.

Doesn’t mean I’m not going to try, though.

It’s been… at least a year since I last opened this goddamn journal. For the first two months after I ran away, I kept it near me at all times… kept holding out hope that it would buzz, and there would be something, anything written in there… maybe asking how I was doing, or where I was, or if I was even alive.

Then I realised that it wasn’t going to happen. I realised that, no matter what I may hope… you’d given up on me. Possibly forever.

…so now I just use this diary as a magical conduit.

Yeah! Suck on that Celestia! This thing runs off your magical reservoirs, and about six months ago I figured out how to mooch sweet, sweet magical energy off of you from half the world over! It was pretty complicated, but I fucking did it! Wohoo!

Granted, I only use it when I’m desperate and completely magically depleted. Like I am right now.

Aaaand… for like a week after I figured out how to do it I made a point to use up most of your reserves during dinner, because I know you like to use your magic to shovel cake into your mouth and draining all your energy makes that a little bit harder.

Yes, it was petty. But honestly, what the fuck did you expect from me? I’m like, nineteen. Right now. I was seventeen back then.

You know.

Back then.

I’ve changed, though.

It’s been two years.

And… I’ve done a lot of stuff.

Let’s see.

· I escaped from left Equestria and decided to travel the world
· I became an expert on rune magic from some goat in the Scottish hills, and got my first hangover after trying English ale. That shit can really fuck you up.
· I got hired as a mage by some rich guy in Saddle Arabia. It didn’t last, but that was mostly his fault.
· I killed a man.
· No, not really. I did singe his ass real bad when I found out he was a slave driver who sold underage kids into prostitution, though. He deserved it.
· I met this really pretty griffon named Aster, and she taught me to play the guitar.
· Aster and I fell in lo
· I wrote a book about my escapades, and then decided it had series potential. So Aster convinced I gave some random tourist who seemed passionate about writing a significant fraction of my vast fortune to travel the world and continue the series.
· Oh, did I mention that? I’m rich now. Turns out being a really powerful magician-for-hire who was trained by Princess Celestia herself has its perks. I’m surprised you haven’t heard of me.
Who the fuck am I kidding. You’re probably the one who sent that spy to track me down. Did he ever tell you the consequences of that decision when he finally returned? I hope he fucking did.
Remember that whatever happened was your fault, Celestia. It was your fa
· And I became even richer once I moved to Siberia, because y’know, you’re not welcome here I’m a pyromancer. That’s a pretty revered trait in these parts, and I’ve been in high demand- especially since I’ve developed my skills a lot since we last talked. The royals of the area actually hired me to make a massive phoenix-themed fire show for some celebration they had, and the pay was enough to buy me an entire house!
· I kept exploring the Siberian wilderness. There’s not much here except ice, snow, some old-timers huddled around fires they’ll pay you to make warmer, and forests that hide dangerous ruins that you shouldn’t go inside.
· I went inside one of those ruins looking for something that I thought would be useful to have.
· And now I’m dead. This is my ghost writing this.

WOooooOO!

Nah, not really.

I’m still alive, unless I died without noticing and this place is just hell.

…

Actually, now that I think about it, that’s a legitimate possibility.

…

eh.

There’s some weird four-legged fuckers following me around, and I don’t know what they are. I did see them crowded around a dead body, tearing strips of flesh off it… so yeah.

I was violently sick soon afterwards. Just so you know.

…

Oh, I should probably explain.

I stepped into some ruins in a forest, and the door closed behind me. And when I used my illumination spell, some weird things tried bum rushing me, and I burned the lot to a crisp.

But there were way more hidden in the depths, and I couldn’t very well get out, could I?

So right now I’m hiding in a corner somewhere, praying that my fire will keep them away for a while. I’m dead tired, but I can’t sleep because I just fucking know they’re looking for an opening and will not hesitate to use it.

…

I get the feeling that I’ve spent so much time panicking that I’ve come full circle and achieved peak zen.

I’m finally at peace with myself.

Because I’m going to die. There’s no way I’m getting out of this alive.

Yay!

…

Wait, is this peak zen or peak nihilism? Cuz now that I think about it, it’s sounding more and more like nihilism.

That’s even better, honestly. I’m going to die and I don’t care!

Sunset Shimmer is going to die underground! Alone and fucking unloved! And she doesn’t care!

…

Wow.

You know, I’m glad I packed for a long trip. Though weirdly, I don’t feel hungry at all. I mean, it’s been a few hours, and I’m willing to bet I burned a lot of calories running from those creepy things.

I guess I’ll save my food. I don’t know how much longer I’m going to be here.

At least I have a lot of ink and parchment. I came down here to do research on some stuff, you know. Mostly about Nightmare Moon.

Or should I say Princess Luna.

Yeah, that’s right you big fucking bitch. I know about Luna. Apparently, a lot of her bat people migrated to Siberia after you banished their queen to the fUCKING MOON FOR A MILLENIUM.

A MILLENIUM, CELESTIA. I know you’re immortal, but did you ever consider that a MILLENIUM WAS A BIT MUCH?

Fucking idiot.

Anyways, they were sympathetic towards my cause, and tipped me off about this place- apparently, it has a lot of lunar research. I was hoping I could find some stuff down here to turn her back from that monster she became… you know, because then I could make a nice, triumphant return to Equestria, and everybody could forgive me, and you’d offer me the opportunity to become your student again and I’d tell you to take your offer and shove it up your ass

Guess that’s out of the question now.

At least I have one saving grace. One of the bat-people’s leaders gave me a ring to signify the lunar cycle, and they told me it’s been tinted red ever since Luna became Nightmare Moon. Apparently, if it goes blue, Luna will have turned back into a normal princess.

So not only do I have a reliable way of keeping time underground, when Luna does finally get free on Nightmare Night, I can decide whether to continue trying to break out, or just wait to die down here.

It does make me wonder- why are you so exceptionally bad while dealing with power hungry people? Like, I thought I was the first stubborn cunt in the family.

I wasn’t.

And what did you do to the other one? Sentenced her to a goddamn millennium on the moon. Did you consider the ramifications of that action? She could have panic attacks every time she tries to raise the moon. She’ll never trust you again… actually, scratch that- she probably won’t trust anybody ever again. And she’ll be subservient to you for the rest of your days, because she knows what’ll happen when she steps out of line.

Is that what you wanted, Celestia? Is that what you wanted for your sister? For your equal? For the only person who would ever understand what it’s like to be immortal?

Well, I guess not the only person. Hey, is that why you made Cadence an alicorn too?

…

fuck me.

Haven’t you ever considered that helping your family through difficult times… times in which they’re seriously hurting and end up doing really stupid things… is better than simply banishing or imprisoning them?

You’ve had a millennium to learn, but I guess you’re still dumb as a brick.

I guess I can’t blame you too much, can I. You’ve been pulling shit like this for… I don’t know, most of your life? How old are you?

Still, you know what they say. Can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

…

Holy hell.

I’m going to die never having said these words to your face.

But I guess this is close enough.

Fuck you, Celestia.

…

Oh yeah, speaking of dying- my obituary!

If anybody finds my dead body, please transport it back to Saddle Arabia and ask around the capital city for a gal named ‘Siana’. She’s pretty popular, and she’ll know what I wanted to have done.

And if Siana isn’t around anymore… go to the second largest cemetery in the capital, and ask the caretaker about my final rites. And if even he isn’t around...

Alright, this is going to sound weird, but burn my body and split the ashes into two halves. Take one half back to the highest peak in Equestria, and scatter it to the wind. Make a big ceremony out of it; pegasii and weeping mourners all.

As for the other half, just walk around that Saddle Arabia cemetery until you find a massive statue of a really pretty griffon, and scatter the ashes on and around it. Also, could one of you leave some desert marigolds on that statue? I’d appreciate that. You can have all the bits in my saddlebags if you do.

…

You can see this, can’t you, Celestia?

Not that it’ll do me any good. There’s no fucking way in Tartarus you’re coming to rescue me, and regardless, I’d rather die down here than accept your help.

But just while we’re being honest here, I know I messed up. I know what I did was wrong.

At the same time though, you were a condescending bitch towards me and actively made things way worse. So fuuuuck yooooouuuu-

I should probably conserve ink.

I don’t even know how long I’m going to be down here, truthfully.

It’s very dark.

I probably won’t be able to keep this façade of bravado up for too much longer. Or this raging fire, to be perfectly candid. In a few hours, the flames will go out, those… those things will return, and I will fucking lose it.

Tell ya what. If I ever start begging for your forgiveness and asking you to come save me, use one of your omnipotent powers and put me out of my fucking misery. If I ever stoop so low as to come crawling back to you, it means I’ve probably already tried killing myself, and it didn’t work.

Wow, that got dark quick.

Still true, though.

Don’t get me wrong, Celestia; I feel guilty. I feel guilty for what I did to Cadence, and definitely for what I did to you.

But you aren’t blameless. And I think deep down, you know that.

…

I’m going to die.

Guess I should get everything I want to say down on paper then.

No more hesitating. Even if you do read this… it’ll be too late. I can already see the fire dimming, and eyes in the darkness. And honestly, if I’m ever going to die, I want to remember the things that made life worth living- not you.

So here we are.

We had a good run, Aster. I loved you till the fucking end, no matter how much you insisted I ‘move on’. I get it, you wanted me to be happy- I’d be in the same position if I was the one who’d died. But honestly… you didn’t have to ask out other girls on my behalf!

I know I was scandalized at the time… but honestly, you pulling that shit made me laugh for the first time in days. And you did it despite the pain…

Goddamnit, I love you so much it fucking hurts to even think about. I’m sure one day I’ll find someone new and settle down with them… but you’ll be there with me. I know this sounds weird, but we had a talk about this, remember?

No, you’ll remember. It was that day we’d decided to have a picnic on the beach. And after we’d finished fucki eating, I’d wiped cum food from the edge of your mouth and asked you if you’d ever love someone as much as you love me.

And you said ‘no more, but no less either’.

…I don’t think you ever truly realised how incredible you were. I get being modest, but you woke up every morning as if you didn’t know that you meant the world to me.

As if you weren’t my everything.

Remember that one morning after we’d broken up a street brawl? I challenged you to a hugging contest and you accepted. And then before we began, you called in sick to work, and my jaw literally dropped because I’d realised how far you were willing to go.

That was maybe the best day of my life. We didn’t let go of each other for nine hours straight, and I’d almost wet the bed by the end. And when we finally did let go and walk away, it took you all of ten minutes to realise you wanted more hugs.

And so we stayed awake for the entire night, giggling like little kids.

I could go on. The first time I said ‘I love you’, and you almost choked on your drink before jumping across the table and sloppily making out with me in what was supposed to be a family friendly restaurant. The time you told me that I was the best thing that had ever happened to you, and I broke down crying and told you everything I had done.

You didn’t care, Aster. You literally could not give less of a fuck. And when I asked you why you didn’t care that I was a monster… you told me that I wasn’t one. Not anymore, at least.

If there is a heaven… you deserve to be in it. Got that?

Good.

Cuz you’re my fucking universe, and I hate it when you don’t realise that. If I hadn’t had to leave Saddle Arabia because of that goddamned spy, I’d still be visiting every day with marigolds.

That fucking caretaker better be reading those letters I’m sending to you every month. I’ll personally castrate him if he isn’t.

You remember the last words you said to me? I hope you do. Because you told me to ‘never be afraid to love again’.

And it hit me like a fucking bullet.

…I get the feeling that if you hadn’t said it… I would’ve done exactly that.

So thank you so fucking much. You are my universe… my suns and stars and moons and planets and oh god I’m crying.

I’m sorry, I promised you I wouldn’t cry.

But here we are.

The fire’s going out, and all I can think about is that one night in the desert we had to huddle together for warmth. I still remember the taste of your skin, the feeling of your hips pressing against mine, your back arching against the dying embers…

…the taste of your lips, and that sparkle in your beautiful fucking eyes.

Of all the people I have ever loved, Celestia was the first. But Aster, you were the best. And I promise you, I won’t let that weigh me down. And I won’t weigh you down either.

…

Fly, my desert marigold. Be free.

That was a fucking classic, wasn’t it? The two of us were viciously making out when suddenly… your wings just suddenly shot to attention. And me being me, I couldn’t resist the urge to make a snarky comment.

And then you grabbed me and flew almost a thousand feet into the air.

I don’t think I’ve ever screamed that loudly in my life.

And when we finally got to a wimpy desert cloud, I had to lie on top of you because otherwise I’d fall through. And I was so terrified until you held me tighter, and told me you’d never let me fall.

And then we watched the sunset, and you made jokes about my name, and I kissed you so hard that I was disoriented with my surroundings when we finally-

you know what, fuck it. I’m writing this for myself. Besides, it’s not like we had any shame back in the day.

-when you fucked me silly on top of a goddamn cloud, and we paraded home through the streets looking like we’d just had a gangbang in a hurricane, and I took in your face, and your hair, and your smile, shimmering like a mirage in the moonlight, and for a split second I was so terrified that none of it was real…

And then you picked me up bridal style and walked us home as I dosed off in your arms.

I love you, is what I’m trying to say.

I fucking love you so much.

And I know you hate apologies, but you can’t resist when I tell you that I love you, so I’ll just slip this in.

I’m sorry.

I love you.

…

Ah, shit.

THEY FOUND ME THEY FUCKING FOUND-

im going to die down here

oh god im going to FUCKING DIE DOWN HERE-

I DON’T WANT TO DIE OH GOD

celestia I’m sorry for everything please I’m so sorry

Well, that was a literal walking nightmare. They almost had me a few times back there! had to spend a lot of time hiding in a vent of some sort. That smell, I tell ya- it was just like burnt flesh!

Actually, I’m pretty sure it was burnt flesh. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve vomited. Buuut… I found what I was looking for! A library!

And those things aren’t following me anymore!

So, there’s nobody here. Like, no staff, no visitors, no nothing. Just endless rows of bookshelves, some light globes, and no obvious way out except through those halls I just escaped from.

I’m going to go out on a limb and assume whoever was here before me is dead. Probably eaten.

Actually, I don’t have to imagine. I can see the carcass. It’s been stripped almost down to the bone!

…

I threw up again. And then I barricaded the door with five bookshelves. Fortunately, that means nothing from the outside can come inside. Unfortunately, that means whatever manner of horrible thing that’s in this library right now is trapped with me.

I should really move quickly. Why am I still not hungry? I haven’t eaten for at least a day now.

…

OK, so one of these books has got to have something about these creatures, right?

Right?

…

Right?

Author's Note

A/N: So yeah. I’m writing MLP fics now. And honestly, the reason I’m writing this is because I’m pissed off at how Sunset’s reconciliation with Twilight and Celestia was handled. Fuck that shit.

Also, I’m going to ignore canon as hard as fucking possible because a) The only bits of the show I’ve seen are the pilot and the leaked series finale. The rest of my knowledge comes from reading a LOT of fanfiction, and b) IDGAF.

Also, the characters are anthro, cuz I’m shipping trash but I’m not TRASH trash.

Yet

Damnit

That fucking spell blew up in my face again.

I mean, I knew it would be complex. But come the fuck on! I can’t afford to lose much more blood, and this is the third goddamn time it’s blown the room to bits.

It’s to be expected, if I’m being perfectly honest. The records of the spell are hazy as all hell, and most of it is left up to interpretation. I think you’re meant to do some soul searching and get answers from ancient spirits, because I can’t for the life of me figure out why else they would leave it so vague.

‘A pinch of salt’ and ‘a handful of diamond dust’ doesn’t really do me any good when I’m working with shit so volatile it could kill me within seconds of contact.

Goddamnit.

Everything’s vague. There are signs everywhere, but they’re all in some weird fucking dialect of old English. I’ve studied old English before, of course, but a millennium is a long goddamn time, and the natives of this region really changed the speech a lot. I have no idea what most of these words mean. There’s this one spellbook with a title that means different things in different dialects, and I can’t place which one it is. Either it’s a regular book with no spells, a spellbook for kids, or a guide to release an eldritch beast from the depths of Tartarus in order to plunge the world into eternal screaming.

I don’t know which one I’d prefer.

Do you wanna know what spells I’m casting? Probably not! Remember those spells I was looking at? You know, the ones that made you kick me out of the castle because I was going mad with power? Well compared to these, those spells are about as dangerous as a game of peekaboo with a baby.

I mean, I know that by performing magic this dark I’m basically pre-booking my spot in hell.

But to be honest… I don’t care.

…

The ring is acting up. You know, the one the bat people gave me? The one that measures the cycles of the moon?

It either goes a really long time without blinking, or blinks a lot of times really fast. And I don’t know what the fuck is going on.

Let me rephrase that.

I’m not stupid- I have some idea what’s happening here. This place is probably fucking with my sense of time… but I’m not sure what that entails. Is Luna doing something cuz this is her domain? Is it just in my head? Or is it because time is actually passing differently outside the library?

I hate this…

…

I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if I woke up one day in the fiery pit. I would be more annoyed than anything else.

I mean, let’s be clear here- I have absolutely no fucking idea what I’m doing. Sure, I might be one of the most talented mages of our generation… but this is waaay out of my depth. I mean, there are spells in here that are so goddamn weird…

And of course, let’s not forget all the false positives. I didn’t expect a library of spells to have a joke book, but it does. And I’m ashamed to say I was about halfway through casting one of the spells before I realised it was going to give me a dic

Let’s not talk about that.

…

Damnit! I was so close that time too…

…

I need to take a break to make up for all the blood I’ve lost. In the meantime, I’ve been reading a few books; and I found an anatomically correct diagram of those four legged fuckers.

Yup.

So after a bit more research, I found out what they are.

And as far as I can tell, those things are reincarnated corpses.

Basically, they’re zombies.

Yeah.

And most of these books are about dark magic. Like necromancy.

I’d say the connection is pretty obvious.

Still, they’re some pretty advanced spells in here. It’s clear someone spent a large chunk of their life researching this shit. Hey, maybe I could carry on their legacy! That’d be pretty cool, right?

If I don’t die, that is…

…

OK. Last try. I’ll remove some blood, cast the spell one last time, and pray it works. If it doesn’t… I’ll be delirious for a long time. At least, until my blood replenishes. Which… far as I can tell, the plasma should take about two days, and the red blood cells will return over a period of two weeks.

And at the end of all that, I can try again.

Here goes nothing.

…

I don’t think you ever truly realised it.
Just how much I looked up to you.
You were my fucking hero.
I loved you.
Remember that time we were stargazing, and I called you something under my breath? And when you asked me what I’d called you, I blushed and said ‘nothing’?

Of course you do.

You never forget.

Do you know what I said?

I’d called you mom.

I wasn’t lying. You were like a mother to me- far more of a mother than that woman who gave birth to me. You built me up from nothing, Celestia. I loved you so fucking much.

No, that’s wrong.

I still love you, Celestia. Nothing’s going to change that.

But at the same time, I can’t bring myself to look at your fucking face without remembering the hell you put me through.

You remember where I came from. You know how competitive I am. You know that I’ve yearned for acceptance since I was a kid. You know that I want nothing more than to fit in.

You knew that I believed that if I had power, everything would be fine.

I wanted to be like you.

But you wouldn’t let me.

And then, as though rubbing dirt into my face, you brought Cadence along and gave her everything I’d ever wanted-

…look.

I don’t know how long I’ve had to ruminate on this. Judging by how much I’ve written in both this journal and the parchment I brought with me, it’s been at least a few weeks. And adding onto those the two years I spent away…

The point is that I get it.

I get why you ascended her.

I get why you didn’t ascend me.

But you didn’t make it easy for me to accept her.

You could’ve done any number of things to make it easier! You could’ve helped me understand! I mean sure, I was stubborn as a fucking bull. And yes, most of this shit was my fault.

But I was fucking sixteen when she waltzed into my life.

You should’ve known better.

Urgh!

She was just so… fucking ditzy! And that’s fine! But-

Okay, I’m guessing I’ll need to break this down to get it through your thick goddamn skull.

When you take two teenagers; one who’s spent years working towards this one goal and still hasn’t got it, and another who did one noble thing and got everything the first one wanted; and put them together and ask them to be friends…

What.

The FUCK.

Did you think was going to happen?

Did you expect me to just roll over and accept it?

Because goddamn, I should’ve. I should’ve just accepted it and moved on.

But I’m saying that from the outside. I’m no longer that little kid, Celestia. You made sure of that when you abandoned me.

I should’ve known better. Absolutely.

But you should’ve known better too.

I made mistakes. And look where mine got me. I’m dying underground, never to see the light of your sun again.

And look where you are.

It isn’t fair.

It isn’t. Fucking. Fair.

…

I like to pretend I got over all this bullshit a long time ago.

Maybe if Aster was still-

No. I’m not going to think like that.

I don’t regret anything. Even how it ended.

…

…writing in this journal is simply bringing all those memories back.

And I hate it.

I hate it so much.

And I wish I could end it.

I wish I could be happy again.

There. I said it.

I’m sorry, Aster. I know you wanted me to be happy… but I just can’t be.

Not after all this stuff’s happened.

I’m so sorry. And I love you.

I love you.

…

So I’m no longer delirious.

But I have no idea how long it’s been either.

Regardless… this is my last try. Either it works… or I die.

…no, not really. I mean, I will die, just not immediately.

This is going to be pretty much the only way I get out of here.

So… here goes nothing.

Author's Note

A/N: Aight I’m pretty sure Twilight wasn’t a princess when the Changelings attacked, but fuck it. Imma go do this shit anyways. Where’s my ‘no prior planning’ gang at?