OC is Magic! Rewrite

by Cloud Shimmers

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Main 6, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Romance, Sex
Length: 2653

A much better retelling about my friend and mine's OC's misadventures is Equestria.

Some of you may know that I wrote a story titled OC is Magic. Due to Relationship issues and my lack of inexperience with writing; it came out less than stellar. So this is a rewrite, and plot change!

Cloud and his sister Rhapsody have bought a house in Ponyville! Cloud is a member of the Equestrian Borough of Investigation, the EBI, and needed a place to stay. Since its not a great salary, he went to his sister Rhapsody, a baker who loves her brother to death, and the two bought a house together.

What forms of relationships will PonyVille hold for them? Will Cloud ever solve a case? Is Rhapsody random or just plain mental? Find these and many more answers within this tale of Dragon ball- I mean... OC is Magic.

Published 2012-08-14 23:04:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-08-19 08:45:25 UTC

Sick Leave

Cloud was walking down Ponyville's main street, attempting to squeeze past the collective crowd of ponies. He was almost happy to see such of a mix of cultures; pegasi, like himself, unicorns, and earth ponies. All of them working together to create a friendly community, a community he would soon be part of. 'If I could ever find my house!' The cobalt blue colt finally managed to get through the crowd. He saw a mare walking down the street, "Excuse me miss?" He trotted up to her.

The pink pony let a large gasp when she saw him and sped off, leaving Cloud in some sort of daze.
"So much for small town hospitality." Cloud rubbed his head with a hoof. He looked over himself, his EBI jacket was covered in dust, as was his cutie mark, a badge with a lightning bolt coming from it. "Great, now I have to get it washed." He looked around once again for anyone he could call upon for directions. Unfortunately the only ones who didn't appear to be busy were three fillies. He walked over to them, "Excuse me girls I'm new in town and was wondering if-" He was interrupted by a yellow one wearing a bow in her mane.

"Mah sister told me not to talk to strangers." Applebloom turned from him.
Cloud smiled, "She must be very smart, what did she say about police officers?" He took out his badge and handed it to her.

The little orange pegasus widened her eyes, "Woah, you're a police officer?"
Cloud laughed, "Well, you could say Agent, only if it sounds cooler though."

"Oh wow!" The three said in unison, followed by a swarm of questions. "What does an agent do? How does a pegasus enforce the law without magic? Can we be agents too?" That's when they all gasped and shouted, "Cutie Mark Crusader Agents!"

Applebloom spoke up, "Please mister, you gotta make us your proto- potoge- Sweetiebelle what was that word Miss Cheerilee used?"

"Protégée," The unicorn smiled.
Cloud's eyes widened, he wasn't sure what was going on, or if he should back away slowly or not. "Uh, well, you see, its not really up to me, and I-" Cloud hear salvation from a mare's voice.

"SweetieBelle! What are you doing? I've told many times not to talk to Strange-" The very fashionable unicorn looked at Cloud's jacket. "Oh dear me, Sweetie have you gotten in trouble with the law?!" An argument broke out between the two, then the other two hyper fillies jumped in. After a few minutes the argument turned into a full blown verbal war between sisters. After ten minutes, the topic of boarding school came up, which made the young unicorn start to cry.

Cloud sighed, "Excuse me, can we all calm down? No one is in trouble, I would just like to get some directions!" He shouted.

The older unicorn stopped interrogating her sister, "Well, all you had to do was ask, mister?" She let him answer his name.

"Cloud Shimmers, I just moved here with my sister and I'm a little lost." Cloud looked down at the ground, trying to hide his shame.

The older unicorn smiled warmly, "Well Mr. Shimmers, I am Rarity, I would be happy to assist one who didn't lose his temper at my sister." She noticed his wings, "But I must ask, is there a reason you didn't just fly up and get a birds eye view?" Rarity didn't wait for an answer, "Unless you put up with these monsters just to speak with me, oh goodness you shouldn't have!" She beamed at him.

Cloud swallowed, his eyes widened again, "Uh, actually I sprained my wing, which explains why I'm here. I'm on a sick leave." He backed up a little bit.

"Oh, yes of course. How silly of me!" Rarity almost blushed over her assumption, most of the time she was spot on with this sort of thing. "Well, let me be the first to welcome you to our little hamlet. May I ask where you're from?"

"I'm moving here from Canterlot, not very special." Cloud answered modestly.
"C-Canterlot?" Rarity asked, "Are you positive you don't want to have some tea, back at my boutique?" She asked with a pout.

"No thanks, I'm really tired and would like to get home to Ice my wing." Cloud said simply. "Here's the address."

Rarity smiled, "Oh, I'll show you the way, but you simply must take me up on that offer for tea later." She lead him down a few streets, going on and on about how wonderful it must be in Canterlot.

"Maybe during the day." Cloud mumbled.
"What was that darling?" Rarity asked.

"I was just talking to myself, nothing important." Cloud asked, 'I really hope she calls everypony darling.'

They continued their walk with casual conversation, Cloud not picking up on any of Rarity's gesture's about how much she's wanted to fall in love with a brave and charming stallion from Canterlot. When they finally arrived at the house, the frotn door was unlocked, Cloud spoke quickly.

"Well Rarity, thank you so much for showing me the way, rain-check on the tea and I guess I'll talk to you later, okay?" Cloud slowly closed the door. He put his ear to it and listened for the sound of hoofsteps walking away. Once satisfied with the distance he called out, "Rhapsody, I'm home!" He walked around the semi large house. The house was practically two flats stacked atop eachother. Cloud's 'room' was more like an apartment, matching the main design of the bottom floor. They were lucky to find a house like this for a such a small amount of money, but Rhapsody had just received a huge payload from her latest job; baking the cake for the recent Royal Wedding. Well 'bake' is one word; Rhapsody was hired by AppleJack to design a cake fit for a princess, which is precisely what happened.

The rainbowed maned unicorn walked out of her bedroom and have her big brother a big hug, "I missed you bro!" She said excitedly. "Oh my gosh you are never going to believe what happened today, I met this pink pony, except I didn't meet her at all! She walked up and gasped at me and then ran off and it was the silliest thing, but it got me thinking, what if she's planing a surprise party for me?" Rhapsody had a huge smile on her face.

Cloud smiled at her, "You know sis, maybe we should stop buying the sugar filled cereal."
"Wait," Rhapsody sat down, "They make it without sugar? That's dumb."

Cloud hung his jacket on the coat rack, "Anyway, the same thing happened to me, I really need some rest right now though, because as soon as I'm healed up I'm supposed to check in with the local police department."

Rhapsody sighed, she looked at her brother sadly, "You know I worry about you every day, I know you love your job, but you really need a break before going back."

"Okay Rhapsy," Cloud messed up her mane with a hoof. "I'm going to get some sleep, tomorrow I'll use my sick leave to spend more time relaxing."

Rhapsody smiled at him again, "Goodnight Cloud."

Once Rhapsody was sure her brother was asleep, she left the house. Her white coat felt warm in the remaining sunlight of the day, she looked around and saw the local bakery, 'Sugar Cube Corner sounds like a great place to buy cupcakes!'

Upon entering the bakery, a warm breeze of cake batter hit her in the face. She casually walked up to the counter and rung the service bell. The same pink pony from before popped up right in front of her. "Oh, hey. Its the gaspy mare from before!"

"And you're the first new pony I met today!" Pinkie smiled, "I love meeting new ponies because it means that I get to make brand new friends!"

"Oh my gosh, I love making new friends too! I'm Rhapsody Sparkles." She said politely.
"I'm Pinkie Pie! You must've just moved here, or else I would have already known your name." The hyper mare said quickly.

"Yeah, I just moved in with my brother late last night!" Rhapsody smiled.
"Wait, a brother?" Pinkie crossed her eyes in thought, "He wouldn't happen to be a tall pegasus with a blue coat and a blonde mane would he?"

"Actually, yeah that's him!" Rhapsody laughed, "His name is Cloud, he's my BBBFF."
Pinkie almost exploded from excitement, "Now I can throw you two one humongous party instead of two normal ones, I'm so exited!!!"

Rhapsody clapped her hooves together, "Can I help plan our party? Please?" She batted her eyelashes.
"Absolutely!" Pinkie jumped up, "We can have games and cake and punch and cupcakes!"

The two began planning the party, it was to be held the next day in Cloud and Rhapsody's bottom floor. Both ponies were incredibly exited to surprise Cloud and to be able to become better friends.

A Party

Cloud awoke to what sounded like a heartbeat. He was a little groggy from his nap and wanted to go back to sleep. He slowly got up anyway, wondering what the strange sound could be. He looked around his room, nice and clean, spotless even. He reached over to nightstand and saw that his glass of water was gone. 'That's weird, I always have one.... wait a second, I didn't clean today!' He got up and surveyed the room, a case that he had spread out on his desk was neatly tucked away into its designated folder. That's when he heard it; the humming coming from the kitchen, a soft and sweet melody. He slowly peered into the direction of the noise and saw her. "Uh, Rarity, Why are you in my house?!" He asked nervously.

"Oh darling," She walked over next to him, "You forgot something, something important." She lifted his badge with magic and levitated it over to him. "I came to your house after my sister found it," She leaned a little closer to him, "and you're delightful sister invited me in, she told me I was the first to arrive." She smiled at him and lowered her eyelashes. "We talked for a good while about you, you're so sweet to her, we both figured you needed somepony special in your life."

Cloud turned a bright red color, to nervous to speak.

"And when I remembered that I had this, she told me to go right in." She looked around the room, "I walked in and saw the cutest thing in the world, and I knew you just had to be mi-"

"Cloud, Rarity!" Rhapsody called from the door, "the rest of the part goers are here, hurry your flank down here!"

Cloud snuck around Rarity, "Well, you may have to hold that thought, I didn't even know a party was starting!" He hurried to the door, the hardwood floor making noise with each step.

Rarity pouted as Cloud left, 'fate is so cruel sometimes. I just want my strong, brave stallion!'

As Cloud walked downstairs, he realized that the heartbeat noise that he heard before were the beats of music. He slowly walked down them, trying to avoid much attention. He wasn't much of a party goer, he never had a big birthday party or anything.

When he went over to get a bite to eat from the snack table, Cloud remembered the one time that Rhapsody had dragged him to a party in order to make more friends. The whole experience was a waste of time.

"Rhapsody, I don't want to be here!" He had said to her, "These are all your friends, what would we have in common?"

Rhapsody smirked, "You both know me, big brother." She walked into the room and instantly became the life of the party.
Cloud was never the life of anyone's party. He was so enthralled with work that all of his friends were co-workers, and that's how he usually went on. Cloud had seen things, bad things, in his line of work. The only people who would ever understand were the ones who also saw it. t

Cloud saw Rarity looking for him, he also saw several stallions drooling over her. Cloud didn't want a marefriend, at least not right now. The reason was simply complicated, nightmares; every night, Cloud awoke with horrid visions. He dared not tell Rhapsody the real reason he was off of work, he had been sent to investigate a serial killer. Cloud was familiar with this process, confirm an MO, triangulate the next victim, and finally bag the perp.

What Cloud hadn't been expecting, was that this horrible person had been attacking local law enforcers, and was bored with their 'lack of training'.

Cloud was an Equestrian Agent; receiving training very similar to that of royal guards. But nothing could prepare someone for the spot Cloud was put in. Tied up in a dark place, waiting to die. Cloud woke up screaming every night.

"Is there a reason you don't like me?" Rarity approached Cloud as he was spacing out.
"N-no, Rarity. I just, can't be with someone right now." Cloud sighed, "Its hard to explain, but I'm not brave, I'm not royalty of any form, I'm just a stallion trying to push through every day, okay?"

Rarity nodded, "You are a little young for me, by about a year. I suppose it wouldn't be proper for you to be seeing an older woman." She smiled at him, "Thank you for being honest." She pecked him on the cheek.

"Your welcome." Cloud said, blushing at the gesture.

Cloud tried to shake his thoughts, he knew what had happened; SWAT had busted in and saved him before anything had happened. He had gone to the borough's psychiatrist, who determined that he was suffering from post traumatic stress disorder. He was given two weeks of vacation, which started two days prior to the party. Cloud felt like it was helping, the nightmares were starting to subside, ending before he met the stallion who had kidnapped him. He was sure that by next week he would be fine, and ready to return to work.

He looked around at all of the ponies having fun, more than a few of them had come and introduced themselves. Along with the introductions, a few mares would give him cute gestures. 'Geez, maybe Rarity was right...' He thought. As the party began to die down Cloud found his sister, "Rhapsody, I'm going back to sleep. Have a good night with your new friends!" He proceeded up the stairs.

The party was now over, and the only ones who remained were a few mares, who Rhapsody was happily talking too.
"So Rainbow Dash, you're training to be a Wonderbolt?"

"Well, I'm surprised they haven't accepted me, I mean; I've only saved Equestria three times." The speedster boasted.

"W-what about you Rhapsody, what do you do?" Fluttershy asked, she was trying to put herself into more conversations. Her strategy had failed until now.

"Me, oh I'm a baker." She smiled, "I designed the cake for your brother's wedding, Twilight." She smiled.

The bookworm smiled, "I think I saw you around once or twice." She looked at the stairs, "So, your brother is kind of anti social, huh?"

Rhapsody nodded, "He doesn't want anyone to have to worry about him." She sighed, "But I do, every day."
Pinkie patted Rhapsody on the back, "Well, I think he's nice, he rejected Rarity in the most polite way possible!" She smiled brightly.

AppleJack rolled her eyes, obviously annoyed. "Why didn't he just say yes, every other stallion in Ponyville woulda-" They heard a horrible scream coming from upstairs.

Rhapsody looked sadly at her new farmer friend, "That's why." She said quietly.