I Thought it was Given to Help...

by SpringCleaning

Rating: teen
Tags: Drama, Suicide / Self Harm, Random, Equestria Girls, Sunset Shimmer, Main 7 (EqG), Profanity, Gore, Slice of Life, Other
Length: 4817

Sunset Shimmers geode gives her the power to look into peoples minds and veiw their pasts...but what happenes if it happens to her?

She tries to act normal...
She tries to forget..to move on...
She tries not to push them away...
She tries to pretend it doesn't hurt anymore...
She tries and tries...
...yet it will never be enough

Time has moved on, Sunset and her friends defeated many magical threats. Their geodes gave them the power to do so. Do the geodes help her...they aren't supposed to hurt her...right? This isn't a long overdue punishment sent by Celestia...right? No, of course not.

Yet every night Sunset's geode would cause her to dream into her past. To open up long-forgotten wounds of Anon-A-Miss and back when she was nothing but a heartless monster...a she-demon

Cover not owned by me

Published 2019-09-15 04:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-11-26 04:53:39 UTC

Chapter 1

Chapter 1
The Unknown Text

The sun has shown through the classroom window, blinding Sunset Shimmer with its powerful rays of light. Blinking a few times she turned her gaze back onto the teacher. She remembered back when Princess Celestia would teach her the same subject. When she would always push herself harder to please her mentor. Sunset would never admit it, but she missed the competition. The pressure to be better. She knows its probably wrong, but what can she say, old habits die hard.

"Sunset?" The quiet voice of Fluttershy pulled her from her thoughts. Shaking her head, Sunset looked around to find an empty classroom with Fluttershy standing by the door.

Damn! The class already ended? Realizing that she hasn't replied to Fluttershy yet and that she was still standing by the door, Sunset quickly grabbed her things and made her way towards her. "Sorry about that, must have been lost in my thoughts to notice."

"Don't worry about it. C'mon, we got to get to lunch" Fluttershy was already on her way towards the cafeteria. She must be hungry... Sunset's stomach growled at the thought of food.

"I'll meet you girls there, I just gotta put my books away." Sunset talked over the crowded hallways. Fluttershy smiled and walked away with a little skip in her steps.

By the time Sunset reached her locker most of the crowd dispersed. Turning the lock, Sunset growled when it didn't open. On the third try, it finally opened...only to be slammed shut.

"Hey! What the heck!?" Sunset exclaimed when her fingers almost got cut off.

"Oops..sorry about that Sunset" Came the recognizable voice of Rainbow Dash. "Anyway, I was looking for you."

Raising an eyebrow while trying to unlock her locker, Sunset glanced at Rainbow "And whys that?"

"Well Twilight said that you forgot to hand in your homework for calculus"

Groaning Sunset banged her head against her locker, "Yeah, guess I forgot."

Rainbow chuckled at her friend. "Well, now I know that you take it easier than Twilight."

Frowning at her friend for finding amusement in her disappear, Sunset tried to open her locker for the last time. "What do yo-she didn't forget her homework did she?"

Trying to suppress her laugh, Rainbow instead started coughing. "Yea...It was..the highlight of the day."

Sunset couldn't fight the amused smile that came to her face, picturing what her friend's reaction might have been.

Finally unlocking her locker Sunset sighed in relief. Putting away her books, she and Rainbow headed to the Cafeteria.

"AND THEN ALL THE SPRINKLES WENT DOWN HER THROAT!" Pinkies sudden outbursts of laughter afterward caused a couple of students to glance at them.

"Wait..what happened" Sunset wasn't listening to Pinkie's story until she the last sentence. Please tell me she didn't explode someone...

"Well sugar-cube, Pinkie he'r was tellin' us ah story" Came Applejack's reply.

Well I think I already know that...thanks

"What she means darling is that one of Pinkie's friends' ate one of her delectable sprinkle coated cupcakes. And I must say they are simply marvelous"

"Aww thanks, Rarity!" Pinkie's smile beamed.

Sunset glanced around the cafeteria. Acationaly catching a few eyes and waves, she smiled back. She remembered when all she would get were scowls and piercing stares.

"Sunset? You ok?" Twilight's concerned and confused tone drove her out of her thoughts.

Looking up, Sunset caught the attention of the rest of her friends. Friends...such an odd word. Her mind was working on a reply when suddenly Principal Celestia and Vice Principal Luna walked in.

"Attention students!" Celestia's voice called out through a microphone. "We have a school announcement!"

"Yes, sister...I'm sure the students have figured that out already..what do you think they would assume since we just interrupted their lunch" Luna whispered loud enough for only Celestia to hear.

With a roll of her eyes, Celestia cleared her throat "As you all know the seasons have changed, and it's now fall. Therefore we have decided to host the Fall Formal again!"

Silence.

Everyone's eyes moved to look at one girl. One firey red and gold-headed girl. A girl who was trying hard not to squirm, and almost shattered.

Putting on a fake, yet acceptable, smile. Sunset proceeded to eat her salad.

Luna coughed awkwardly then took the microphone from her sister. "It will be held in the gym in the next three weeks. Any questions and details will be answered shortly." With that Luna sent a sharp look at Celestia, and they both walked away.

It took a few moments for the cafeteria to explode in loud talking again. Sunset was trying her hardest not to show her distress from the occasional looks she was given.

"I can't wait to get started on our attire!" Rarity squealed.

Fluttershy squeaked when Rainbow launched a tomato at her, which resulted in a dealy scowl from Applejack.

Pinkie and Twilight were in a deep discussion about why she shouldn't throw sprinkles in Twilight's drink.

Sunset unlocked her front door all while trying to hold several grocery bags. Walking towards her kitchen and pantry, Sunset put everything away.

Sighing, she plopped herself down on her couch and turned on the TV. Not amused with what was showing, she turned it off and tried to relax.

She stared at the ceiling as she played with her geode. What if she used the geode on herself? Would she see anything from her past as well? Would they be happy memories?

Shaking her head from all of her mental questions, she headed towards her bathroom to take a relaxing shower to clear her mind. Sooner or later she walked out of the steamy room, with nothing but a towel wrapped around her torso. Little drops of water from her hair followed her where ever she walked. Glancing at her backpack stuffed with homework laying lazily on the floor where she threw it. She knows that it would be responsible of her to complete it, but she just didn't feel like it.

A ring from her phone pulled her from her mental debate. Checking her notifications, Sunset almost dropped it when she read the text from the unknown number.

Are you ready for the Fall Formal she-demon? Thought you were forgiven? Ha! Bitch, you don't acknowledge anything, just do us a favor and go back to your wretched world. -Unknown

Author's Note

ANNNNND IM DONE WITH THAT! -cheers self on-

Anyway, if there are any grammar incorrections please let me know! Free cookies to anyone who finds anything!

Although I don't really care that much for likes and views, this is mainly just written for me. Somewhere to store all the stories I make up in my mind. UvU

Hope you liked it!
(realizes there is no one reading...)
-rip spiderman- :raritydespair:

Chapter 2

Chapter 2
That Infuriating Itch

***self-harm warning in this chapter***

Droplets of sweat rolled down Sunset's face. She was burning yet freezing at the same time, thought she didnt move an inch. She tried screaming for help but found her lips unable to part. Her senses were numb. She felt like she was in a dream.

In a dream...

She didn't remember falling asleep. So how could she be dreaming. Nothing was making since untill..

The empty void of darkness she was staring at turned in to a hallway. A school hallway with green lockers on each side. Her school...

A quiet sound could be heard from across the corner. Curious, Sunset cautiously walked around only to be found with herself leaning agaisnt one of the lockers.

Shocked and confused, Sunset made her way towards herself and crouched down. The girl was crying a steady stream of tears and mumbled a few words that Sunset almost missed.

"I though they cared...why did they leave me I'm innocent"

Sunset's eyes snapped to the girl. Almost croaking out her next words. "W-what..?"

Her question went unanswered, as if she were invisible.

Invisible...Oh no..

Her eyes suddenly fell onto her glowing geode. Then to the girls attire. It was what she wore after the fall formal...

I'm in my past...?

The girl spoke again only this time a little lowder. "I should have known...Why else would they want to be friends with a one-person like me...I'm a monster. They were just waiting for an excuse to ditch me...right? They were never my friends..my family"

Sunset couldn't help but question it too. She remembered that as soon as they forgiven her she dropped that whole possibility. She was so desperate. She hated it.

Suddenly the everything around her changed. It was no longer the school lockers with herself crying...no it was her bathroom.

There she was, her past self trying to hold back the tears but only choking on them. Trying to cut steady lines but failing. She's always failing.. why..

That question went unanswered when her past self dropped the blade onto the floor. Soon after she went down aswell. Hunched back, she sobbed. Screams and cries bounced off the walls. It was as if she couldn't stop.

She remembered when it started. A week after the fall formal...The student body mocked and criticized her. But she couldn't show weaknesses. She wasn't like the ones she tormented. She was strong..well at least on the outside.

With each insult her soul broke. Piece by piece, until she was nothing but a shell. Only then did she rely on the sharp blade in the box under her sink. At first she just wanted to feel something besides the mental agony. But then that agony kept growing, eating her. Until the point that it became a routine. It was unhealthy and wrong...but it just felt so right

When she did stop it wasn't because someone found out and forced her to, no it was her secret. It was when the girls took her in. Became her friends, helped mend her broken soul, became family.

But that itch, that infuriating itch...It was almost as if it was gone.

Sunset's eyes snapped open. Her breathing was harsh and rough, almost to the point that she couldn't breath at all.

She way lying on her couch in her towel. Sweaty and confused Sunset got up and headed to the stairs to take a shower. Suddenly all the memories came rushing in. Missing a step Sunset came crashing down the stairs. Unable to grab the railing out of her shock, Sunset's ankle rolled as she hit the floor.

Hot pain flooded her mind.

It's too much...it's all too much

Her thoughts were cut short when she heard the familiar buzzing from her phone.

Standing up, only to fall down Sunset glanced at the clock on the wall.

SHIT! IM LATE

Pulling herself off the floor and ignoring the pain, Sunset made her way towards her bathroom. Taking a quick shower to wash away her sweat and clear her mind was much needed.

When she limped out, she quickly put on some underwear, a bra, sweatshirt, and some torn up denim jeans. She didn't really care that much on her appearance, but she did try to make herself presentable.

Grabbing her bookbag with incomplete homework, Sunset ran out the door. Quickly hopping onto her motorcycle, she drove off.

The cool autumn breeze helped her organize her thoughts and prepare her lies she knew she had to tell.

But what she couldn't do was stop the itch that crept up on her...she wasn't mended.

She failed again..

Author's Note

Sorry for the sorta late update...forgot to save this chapter.

**not edited**
opens cookie jar

Next update would either be tomorrow or the next day

Chapter 3

Chapter 3
What's Wrong with my Mind

**Minor Self-harm**

Sunset knocked on the door of her second-period class. Trying to prepare herself for all the questions she knew she will receive as soon as she takes her seat. After all, Twilight and Rainbow are in this class.

Taking a deep breath before sunset enters the classroom, she opened the door.

Not even glancing at her peers, Sunset gave her note from the office to the teacher.

Heading to her seat while avoiding eye contact was difficult. Slouching down in her chair Sunset stared straight at the board, apparently, they have a pop quiz. Groaning, as she did what the rest of the class was told, she took out her pencil.

"Oh, Miss Shimmer I forgot to ask you for your homework." Mr. Adams asked.

"No, sir." Sunset felt the eyes of her friends burn into the back of her skull. Since she came in late to class, she really couldn't care less. Her thoughts were drifting somewhere else. Somewhere she didn't want to be.

"Psst...Sunset" She felt a light poke on her back. Turning around slowly, Sunset made eye contact with Rainbow Dash.

"Yes...?" She knew she shouldn't be acting like this, she needs to act normal. They cant get suspic-
"Are you ok?" Too late... Twilight and Rainbow eyed her suspiciously. Suddenly a smooth reply came out of her mouth without hesitation. It was pretty stupid, but it was believable enough.

"My neighbor needed help with her apartment, she doesn't trust the guy down the hall, says he's just trouble. Come to think of it, he goes to school here. But anyway, don't think much of it." I mean it wasn't a lie, the guy next door is trouble according to my neighbor\

Lunch was hell...

Sunset wasn't even in a mood to eat. She couldn't control her thoughts, it all just kept replaying in her head. Over and over...she felt like going mad at this point.

The girls were silent-as to which Sunset didn't notice-Sunset's eyes looked glazed over. Confused Rainbow tried to snap her out of her daze. With no prevail, the girls didn't know what to do. It didn't last long though, Sunset blinked a couple of times then continued her salad.

"Ah sugar-cube ar' ya alright there?" Applejack's voice was the only thing heard at their lunch table.

Sunset heard her friend's question, she was going to reply but an unwelcomed thought crept into her mind.

If she were your friend..why would she have turned on you so fast? Just like the others

She didn't want to believe it. But she just couldn't stop it.

Once the bell rang, Sunset trashed her leftovers and made her way out of the cafeteria. The walk to her locker felt longer. It didn't feel right, this was where she was sobbing, were her friends left her...

"Are you ok? You've just been standing there looking at your locker. I mean its a pretty cool locker but.." She recognized that voice. I mean how could she not. He was the one she hurt the most during her rule before the fall formal.

"I'm ok Flash, just a lot on my mind" Opening her locker, Sunset took out her textbooks.

"Cool, cool.." Ugh, you can just feel the akwardness Sunset mentally slapped herself. I don't need any more problems than I already have right now.

"So where are you heading?" Not that Sunset cared right now, she did..well not really, she really couldn't care less about his classes.

"I've got Mrs. Peppermint for ELA, you?"

"Same"

"Cool"

Slamming her locker Sunset couldn't take it anymore. All her troubles keep piling up, the noise of the hallway made her feel dizzy, the stress made her feel sick, she wanted to cry, she feels regret for ignoring her friends, yet she also doesn't want to speak to them, ex-boyfriends making everything awkward, and last but not least...

The itch... She can still feel it. Only this time it's burning, calling-no begging her to open the box under her sink. She feels like she's losing against it, sooner or later she will find herself huddled against a wall, burying a sharp metal razor into her skin. The image made her itch worse.

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE

Sunset didn't say anything to Flash as she side-stepped him. She had to find that guy...the one who her neighbor talks about. The one who goes to this school. The one whom she saw slipping a switchblade into his pocket...That switchblade was all she could think of right now...

Ditching her next class, Sunset ran around the building. She knew he likes to skip his classes, she picked that up from a few of her classmates.

Her hands began to sweat, she felt like her arms were burning...

I need that blade...

Author's Note

Ok so...its a little late, but I posted anyway.
I don't know where I was going with this chapter, but yeah. IK this is short, but it's late and I have a huge test tomorrow so..ill make it up to you guys :-)
Any suggestions?

~~Not edited~~

Next chapter will be up either tomorrow or the next day

Chapter 4

Chapter 4
Doubting Myself..

The walls felt like they were caving in on her. She didn't know if he was even ditching his classes today. Frustrated, Sunset stopped her running. She felt dizzy and lightheaded. Leaning against a locker, Sunset's breathing was ragged. Placing a shaking hand on her forehead, Sunset closed her eyes as she slides to the floor. Crossing her legs, she propped the arm that was supporting her head on one of her legs. With her other hand, she took out her phone.

It wasn't like her to just give up. But she just wasn't feeling herself, she wasn't.

Buzzz...

Her friends are wondering where she is. Sunset chuckled, it wasn't funny but she couldn't help it. Why would they care...?

Suddenly her humorless chuckles turned into choked sobs.

"Umm...Are you like...ok?"

Sunset's eyes snapped to a pair of navy blue. Sniffing, she tried to smile. She knew that she couldn't get out of this mess. He must have been watching her cry. Unable to form any words, Sunset looked away. She couldn't deny her embarrassment.

He looked at her with a blank face. Raising a perfect eyebrow, he watched her look away.

"...Sorry, I-ermm.. don't know what to say." Sunset spoke out. Looking at him fully, she examined his outfit. He looked like the bad-boy-school-jock kind of guy. Torn jeans, plain white t-shirt, and the school's football team are letterman's jacket. Not to mention his hair, which was black and curly with blue streaks.

He chuckled when he watched her check him out. He transferred to this school last semester, so he was used to girls checking him out from there and here.

Sunset realized what exactly she was doing when she saw the smirk on his lips. Her expiration soon changed sour. Yep, definitely one of those types Clearing her throat, she stood up and dusted herself from all the non-existent dust. Moving her eyes back to him she stood up straight but shifted her weight to one leg. She wasn't intimidated by him, why would she be? She used to be just like him, or maybe worse. Her old self wouldn't exactly ask if someone was ok if they were sobbing in the hallway. No, she would most likely laugh or insult them. Putting a hand on her hip, and wiping her eyes rather roughly, Sunset put her phone in her back pocket.

"I'm sorry..who might you be?" Gee..you don't have to be rude Sunset... Sunset internally scolded herself.

"I was just wondering if you were ok or not" He rolled his eyes and shoved his hands in his pockets. "I'm Jaded Fleur, and your Sunset Shimmer aren't you?"

"Yes..that would be me."

Jaded's smirk grew at Sunset's hesitation. His left dimple faintly showed, but Sunset saw it. He noticed that she was checking him out again. "Like what you see?"

Sunset couldn't believe what she heard. Chuckling darkly, Sunset's eyes became hooded as she took a step closer to him. To be honest with herself, she had no clue what she was doing, but she did know that her old self would most definitely have done this. And that was a bad thing..right? She moved her lips to his ear, almost brushing it at their close distance. "And what's that exactly? Demons like me can't be tempted..."

Sunset's POV

What. The. Actual. Heck. Am I doing..? I was about to walk past him and leave him at that, but he grabbed onto my wrists. Tightly, might I add. Without time to react, he already had my back against the lockers.

"Mind if I try?" His voice was low and deep, and he practically purred out his words. Keeping fierce eye contact with him, I slowly moved my legs to wrap around his waist.

"And what if I tempt you first..?" My eyes didn't waver from his. But whatever was going on right now, I probably shouldn't be doing. I have enough problems to deal with. Plus, this is what the old Sunset Shimmer would do, not me.

The bell rang.

Both of us quickly separated. He ran a hand through his flustered hair as she glanced at me. I was looking for my friends, so I didn't pay much attention to him. Not that I wanted to after all that. Suddenly I heard a loud high pitched squeal. Pinkie Pie[/i

I was about to go and follow the noise when I was pulled back. Still, with my back towards him, he whispered in my ear. I would never admit it, but it sent shivers down my spine.

"To be continued..."

His smirk came back to his face, only this time he showed off some of his pearly whites. He softly chuckled to himself as he walked away from me.

"...What was that?"

Quickly looking up, my eyes met all of the girls. Blinking, I decided to change the subject. "I need to go to my locker, forgot my textbook for the next class"

"You weren't even in my previous class, what were you doing anyway?" Twilight probably voiced out what the rest were thinking.

"Just chatting with random students..nothing to overthink about really." With that, I went to my locker. That Jaded guy was trouble, I don't want to be mixed up with him. Although I was looking for someone who was a troublemaker..nahh can't be him. Whatever, I don't want to bother finding someone just to ask for their switchblade. I'd have to explain too much, and I can't have that. I'll just use my razor at home anyway, no big deal. Although I don't know if I can make it home. My arms feel like they're burning, just like yesterday.

The itch didn't go away. I'm starting to think it won't.

No. I have to stay strong. When I get home I'll throw away my razor. Why am I getting all angsty over this? It was all in the past. Sure they probably just wanted to get rid of me then. But now, I feel welcomed..right?

Then why won't the itching stop?

I pulled my books closer to my chest causing a little clinking sound when it touched my geode.

My geode..

It's the goddamn reason I'm in this mess! UGH, how can I be so stupid!

What if I tried taking it off? No, the girls would notice. I could always lie and get away with it...

No, I'm not like the old me.

...Then why did I act so much like her when I was talking to Jaded. He's arrogant attitude must have rubbed off on me throughout the conversation. Weird...I'm never like this.

Well, at least not anymore...right?

Author's Note

Sorry for the late update.
Life is hectic
I'll try to update again soon.
BTW what do you think about Jaded? if he's probably annoying..but my mind just came up with this random character to add into the mix
I don't think this he'll be a permanent character, maybe popping in a only a few times.

Oh, if you wanted to know (which I'm sure u guys didn't UvU) this isn't romance fanfic, I'm terrible at all the smooshy lovey-dovey stuff.

singlelife

Chapter 5

The sun had already set 30 minutes ago, its warm rays of light leaving Sunset's skin. She was cuddled up on her couch with a blanket. Her friends have been blowing up her phone. But she didn't have the energy to reach for it. Her backpack was on the other side of the room, lazily thrown on the floor. It was getting late and she knew she should get some sleep, but a thought kept her awake.

Ever since she got her geode, she used it with her friends to help save the city from any magic related problem. Yet something was wrong, and Sunset needed answeres. If the geodes were given to help, then why did it feel like it was just punishment in disguise. Not wanting to think too much of it, Sunset decided to go out for a late-night ride.

Grabbing her leather jacket, along with her helmet, Sunset made her way to the door. She was in the mood for some graffiti art, so she grabbed a hoodie and her spray paint. As she was walking down the hallway, she heard a familiar noise behind her.

"Didn't know that you is my neighbor."

Jaded Fleur...that bitch

Sunsets POV

I was about to continue walking, but I remember in all the movies that I've watched, the guy just follows her afterward. Not wanting my life to become some shity cliché, I swiftly turned around. "What do you want?"

"Just wanted to say hi to a beautiful girl like you."

Just stop. I don't need this. "Sorry but this 'beautiful girl' doesn't want to talk to you right now...or ever."

"Oh and whys that? Shouldn't you be off to bed instead of going out? We have school tomorrow. You don't want to ditch it school does you?"

"Says you."

"Touché"

Rolling my eyes I turned around and walked away. I don't care if he followed or not, I'll just drive off anyway.

The air outside felt...with lack of any words, weird. I ignored it and made my way towards my bike.

It took a while to find an un-graffitied alleyway. But when I did, I decided to use every part of it.

There isn't a high possibility that I'd get caught out here. But I still like to take the risk.

Opening a half-way-used can of spray paint, I began my work. It wasn't something random like flowers or shit. I drew what came to me, but in this case, I was just wanting to draw anything.

The wind was the only thing I could hear. Its howling was loud and its bite was harsh. The paint dried faster and before I knew it I was done. Taking a step back I looked up at my work. It wasn't my best but it described my feelings...

Sad

It was sad. Like me.

Hearing some talking and footsteps I quickly grabbed my things and left. Stashing my paints under a box in a corner, I made my way calmly out of the alley. Pulling my hoodie up I avoided eye-contact.

My stomach grumbled loudly as I pasted a few restaurants. Feeling the desperate need for food I headed inside sugar cube corner. It was stupid of me, I know, to go into the bakery where one of my 'friends' work. Sighing I made pulled down my hood and looked at the menu.

"Hello, deary what can I get you this late at night? We're closing in about 15 minutes but take your time."

Putting on a smile I order the cheapest muffin they had. Blueberry something.

As she handed me my order I heard the chime of the door ring. Paying for my muffin I went to sit down on one of the booths by the window. Quietly eating my muffin I looked up to see a group of boys ordering their food. They looked to be about the age of a college student, but what made me feel uncomfortable was the way one of them was looking at me. He had this smirk playing on his lips and an evil glint in his eye as he looked over my body.

Squirming a bit I pretended not to notice, but I could feel his burning red eyes travel all over me as I threw away my muffin and quickly left the bakery.

Only to hear the chime of the door ring after me. This time it didn't sound welcoming. It sounded dangerous.

Author's Note

Yeah, there's a few grammar flaws but other than that I think it was ok.

Sorry for uploading late my grade dropped faster then gravity...lmao

Any comments or questions are highly appretiated. <3