Politically Correct Equestria

by DougtheLoremaster

Rating: everyone
Tags: Drama, Comedy, Twilight Sparkle, Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1043

Imagine if in a crisis Ponyville was politically correct.

It's a time of crisis and everyone must evacuate Ponyville. Sadly all Twilight can do is watch helplessly as you see, Ponyville is politically correct.
THIS IS A TROLL FIC
THIS IS MADE TO TRIGGER EVERYONE. ENJOY~
Special Snowflake Discretion is advised.
"How dare you assume your readers are special snowflakes!"

Disclaimer: The author does not condone the use of Political Correctness, He does however, find it freaking hilarious. If you take this story as anything but a ridiculous joke to make you laugh, then you are even dumber than the idiot who posted this.

Published 2019-09-12 18:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-09-12 18:30:01 UTC

TRIGGER WARNING!

Twilight stood on the podium before the crowd. She was out of breath and panting heavily, she seemed to be in peak twilighting mode. The crowd before her grew hushed. “Mares and gentlestallions of Equestria-”

At that moment a clearly offended stallion in the audience interrupted her, screaming aloud for all to hear. “Are you assuming mares are better stallions, why did you put mares before stallions? What about equality?”

Suddenly a mare beside him smacked him with her hoof in the back of his head and shrieked. “Are you saying stallions are better than mares?”

Her friend appeared to grow very red in the face as she stood beside the mare and loudly protested. “What if you’re neither?”

Twilight quickly tried to grab their attention once more, her voice slightly panicked. “I am so sorry. What I meant to say was ponies of Equestria-”

But she had barely spoken these words when a dragon in the audience objected profusely. “So much for equality what about us dragons?”

On the other side of the crowd Yona called out. “Yak just as important as puny dragon.”

The dragon was about to respond when Smolder yelled loudly. “Hey dragons aren’t puny you she-yak!”

Twilight’s eyes grew wide with anxiety as she tapped her hoof impatiently waiting for everyone to have their say as Gallus quickly shoved smolder shrieking. “How dare you assume her gender?"

The mare next to the mare from earlier, called out once more. “How dare you assume she has one?"

A rumbling began to shake the ground lightly as Twilight began to sweat. Still the crowd continued. “You know I don’t feel comfortable with all these labels! I identify as a parasprite!”

A nearby parasprite buzzed in loud objection as Sandbar began to hit Gallus for “Assaulting a lady.”

At that moment Rainbow Dash decided to throw her two cents in. “I identify as awesome!”

The fighting stopped as everyone stared at her and someone spoke up saying. “You can’t identify as an adjective.”

The poor soul was then smacked by his own partner who loudly protested. “How dare you say that she can’t be awesome? I can’t believe how close-minded you are; you scum. I’m leaving you.”

Rainbow Dash then proceeded to explain to the nearest pony, who happened to be Applejack that she wasn’t quite sure what was going on. “I don’t get it.”

Applejack looked at her and honestly stated. “I think it’s a gender issue again.”

“What in the name of Celestia’s golden ass tattoo is a gender?”

Applejack facehoofed and spoke sardonically. “A gender is what you identify as, Rainbow.”

“No, I don’t identify as a rainbow. I told you I’m awesome!”

“Applejack promptly sighed and stated.“No, that’s your name.”

Rainbow Dash retorted. “My name is not awesome, I’m Rainbow Dash. I identify as awesome.”

At that moment some random creature in the crowd could be heard stating. “Of course she is Rainbow Dash!”

Not one second later, a changeling in the audience cried out. “How dare you assume just because Rainbow Dash is a mare that she is a female pegasus!”

Twilight stood on the stage as this was going on, her eyes starting to twitch as she observed the situation off in the distance. Taking a deep breath, Twilight remembered her mandatory coping classes as a princess. This is fine, everything is fine, they deserve a chance to state their opinion, just relax. A volcano is about to erupt but that's okay, let them speak.

The crowd continued to argue. “Just because Rainbow’s physical form is a pegasus, doesn’t mean you should assume that Rainbow identifies as one! Maybe she’s an earthpony at heart!”

Shrugging her wings in confusion Rainbow Dash blurted out. “Oh c’mon who would want to be an earthpony?”

The crowd let out a collective gasp as Applejack yelled out in indignation. “How dare ya! Ahm an earthpony, ya pegger!”

Rainbow Dash angrily turned to yell at her. “You can’t use that word! That’s our word! Apologize!”

Applejack stamped her hoof angrily. “Why in tarnation can’t Ah use a word Ah see y’all use all the time?”

Rainbow Dash angrily jabbed her snout with a hoof and stated. “Because it’s racist!”

Retorting angrily, Applejack yelled. “Then why do you use it with Spitfire and Fluttershy if it's racist?”

Rainbow Dash laughed. “Because when pegasus use it it isn’t racist!”

Someone in the crowd chimed in. “You mean pegasi!”

"How dare you correct her words?”

"I wouldn't if she would just use the words right!"

"We still don't know if Rainbow Dash is a 'she', we shouldn't assume Rainbow Dash's gender!"

While this was going on, the tremors grew more violent and the ground began to crack, spraying liquid hot magma onto a nearby house causing it to erupt in flames.

Twilight's eyes went wide with anxiety as she shouted at the crowd, desperate to get their attention. "Every CREATURE in Ponyville! Listen to me! Sugarcube Corners is on fire! We need to put it out!"

The crowd murmured in agreement until a couple of changlings shouted out. "What right do we have to put out the fire? That fire could have a wife and kids!"

For the love of Luna's silvery moon and Celestia's glorious sun, this can't be really happening! Twilight thought to herself as she began to feel her sanity slipping.

"yeah we should ask the fire what he thinks!"

"Wait a minute! Why are you assuming the fire is a male?"

And so the crowd began fighting amongst themselves once more. What was the fire's purpose? Shouldn't we consider the rights of the fire? What was the fire's gender? And what right did they have to take the fire's life? The crowd continued to debate and argue about the pros and cons of all the implications of putting the fire out. Meanwhile, as Twilight grew angrier and angrier, trying to remain patient amidst the stupidity; after all the crowd had a right to state their opinions,the fire consumed building after building until all of Ponyville had been burned to ashes. Everycreature was reduced to smoldering cinders and nothing productive was gained in the now apocalyptic wasteland that was Ponyville; all in the name of political correctness.