“...This isn’t working.”
“What’s not working? The acid?”
“No-”
“Because I’m pretty sure it’s working, your hair still looks like fire pointing down-”
“I mean us, Vinyl,” Sunset Shimmer said.
Vinyl Scratch, who wore a white wifebeater and a pair of sweatpants, was lying on her back, staring at the ceiling. Her outlandish sunglasses reflected the morning sun that knifed through the partly opened blinds of her bedroom, casting about over herself, her bed, and her partner, Sunset. The redhead—and holy shit, did her hair look red right now—had a black t-shirt and a pair of long shorts, the button and fly open. She was laying down, but rather than the ceiling, her eyes were on the back of her own hand.
Vinyl didn’t look at Sunset, her brain still riddled with enough LSD that she couldn’t keep her mind on Sunset’s words for long, although her attention kept going back and forth between that and the popcorn texture on the ceiling. It took her a few moments, but she finally mustered the willpower to actually think for a bit about what was said. “What do you mean, ’us’?”
“I mean that… I don’t think we should be girlfriends anymore.”
At least the trip had faded enough that there wasn’t the synesthesia anymore, and thinking was safe in small amounts, but the line Sunset dropped still hit Vinyl hard, and had her mind racing as to what would have caused Sunset to say such a thing. She was constantly jumping to wild conclusions, making leaps of logic that went beyond Holmesian, and then forgetting them entirely. Everytime she forgot what she had thought, it always came back to the terrifying source of her crashing train of thoughts.
Sunset was leaving her.
The acid made it feel like her moment of realization lasted for both an eternity and a nanosecond, and Vinyl forced herself to sit up. The rest of the world took a half a second to catch up with her, but catch up it did, and when it felt like she and the universe were back in sync with each other, her guts tightened painfully. She was pretty sure they were petrified, if she were to be honest.
Honest was the last thing she wanted to be at the time. Being honest meant that she would have to admit that she just heard Sunset say they should break up. Being honest meant that she would have to confess her fear of life without Sunset’s warmth. Being honest meant that she would have to accept that she had a problem. Being honest meant that she couldn’t run away from the fact that the problem was drugs, and that, being drugs, it was her fault.
Sunset leaving was Vinyl’s own damn fault.
Sunset sat up as well, buttoning her shorts and pulling up the zipper, but didn’t look back at Vinyl. “That you practically need drugs in your system to get intimate is the biggest problem, I think,” she stated. “It’s like you don’t feel anything without already being high.”
Petrified guts it was.
“That’s not true!” Vinyl said, probably being a little louder than she meant to be. “I can still feel just fine with… with… wow, your hair looks awesome-”
“See, Vinyl? You can’t even think straight half the time we’re together.”
The deejay’s face fell. Sunset continued, “Yeah, they felt great, but that’s the problem. I can’t be romantically involved with someone who needs hard drugs to not have me making love to a meat statue.”
She stood, and leaned against a wall with her arms crossed. “And the worst part is that we both have to be on them. If you’re not high, it feels like you’re just offering yourself as a toy for me to play with, like you aren’t getting any enjoyment out of it. Sex is supposed to be a mutually fun experience, you know?”
Vinyl really envied how quickly Sunset usually came down from the throes of her highs. Gracefully too; even the time when Sunset had suffered a bad acid trip, once the drugs faded, they faded fast, and they didn’t make her crash either. By the look of things, Sunset had just about gotten all of the LSD out of her already. “Yeah,” Vinyl answered blankly.
“And when you’re high but I’m sober, I feel like garbage because then I’m taking advantage of you. The first time that happened, I wanted to turn myself in for rape, even though you’re always the one who starts it if you’re already high.”
Vinyl gasped. “But… but I really did want it! It’s not rape if I wanted it, right?”
“It is when you’re impaired and I’m not, Vinyl. That I let it happen is so screwed up of me, I just… ugh!” Sunset knocked herself in the forehead with her wrist repeatedly. “I should be more responsible than that. I should be better than that. Some girlfriend I am.”
“You didn’t rape me though, I promise!” Vinyl protested. “I pretty much always want you, Sunset, it just takes a bit of a push to let it out with some feeling is all.”
“That’s my point,” Sunset countered. “That you need drugs to express your love completely is what makes this not work.”
Sunset looked at Vinyl, who took off her shades. To Vinyl Scratch, Sunset’s turquoise orbs held a certain glow to them that, while powerful and loving, was angry and sad at the same time. Combined with Sunset’s scarlet and yellow hair and golden skin, part of Vinyl’s brain kept telling her that she was looking at something beyond the scope of humanity, a personification of the heavens made to bless the filthy maggots of the earth below with its divine presence. To be frank, even the part of Vinyl’s brain that bothered with rationality figured that it was probably true, after seeing her go from literally being the Devil at the Fall Formal in the autumn of five years ago to what had to have been an angel that subsequent spring at the Friendship Games.
That something so heavenly could be so upset with her left Vinyl Scratch with the feeling that she was less than nothing.
“And when we’re both on drugs, whether it’s LSD, or MDMA, or whatever else we have on hand, it’s not fair to either of us. Neither of us really know what we’re doing, and that we have to hurt ourselves to get off without me wanting to call the cops on myself still makes my heart guilt trip me to Tartarus and back, because we’re both feeding the issue. We need to do something about it before we reach the point of no return and one of us dies from an overdose.”
Vinyl could feel the heat of the tears behind her eyes, but not the moisture they brought; her brain was too focused on how the girl she loved was turning into a blur of fiery vibrance. She didn’t even realize that she had been holding out her hands until Sunset took them into her own and pulled her from the bed and into her arms.
And sweet Elysium, did Vinyl love those arms. Deceptively strong, and even though they weren’t huge, they still made Vinyl’s already slender form seem downright spidery in comparison. Made them seem frail. Weak.
That’s what Vinyl was, wasn’t it? She was weak. Too weak to break away from drugs, too weak to show Sunset how much she loved her without being high, too weak to so much as stand without leaning on Sunset. “You must hate me so much,” she choked into Sunset’s shoulder.
“Hate you?” Sunset said, puzzled. “Vinyl, I could never hate you. I love you with all my heart and soul, and you doing all the drugs in the world would never change that.” She tightened her hug as she felt Vinyl shudder, felt the warmth and wetness of Vinyl’s teardrops soaking through her t-shirt. “I’ll always love you, never forget that.”
Vinyl nodded, though to Sunset, it mostly looked like she was just wiping her eyes on Sunset’s shirt. “But I can’t make love with you because of how we’ve gone on like this. Understand?” Another nod from Vinyl.
Both of them knew good and well that sex wasn’t the only part of a romantic relationship, but Vinyl Scratch was a woman of passion. One of those passions, almost as great and powerful as her addiction to drugs, was her love of sex, of intimacy, of closeness. To deny her that would cripple her happiness, which was already fragile enough with all of her substance abuse. For Vinyl Scratch, a lack of sex was like only loving her halfway, and such a lack of fulfillment would make the two of them staying together a waste of time, so far as Vinyl was concerned.
That Sunset knew all that didn’t really help Vinyl at all. She knew Sunset was doing this because she cared about Vinyl’s happiness, but no matter which way it went, Vinyl would lose. She either got to lose a relationship with the girl she loves by her leaving, or she got to lose a relationship by one of them killing themselves, if not both of them.
Dying doesn’t seem so bad at this point, does it? whispered a devilish little voice in the back of Vinyl’s head; it sounded just like herself, except if she was spitting hellfire everytime she opened her mouth. But then that would make Sunset sadder, countered another voice; Vinyl was pretty sure she could see the colors of the voice when she closed her eyes, ripples of sunny yellow. It sounded like her and Sunset sharing the same throat. Sunset loving and leaving you would mean nothing if you died.
“You’re right…” Vinyl muttered at herself.
Sunset didn’t let go of Vinyl until she felt the deejay’s back and legs tighten enough to suggest that standing wasn’t going to be much of a problem. Vinyl straightened out when Sunset released her hold, and the popopop of Vinyl’s vertebrae echoed in the room. “I’ll give you about an hour to let the acid fade a little more, and then we can go for some coffee, alright?” Sunset said, getting another nod from Vinyl Scratch. “Come on, I’ll make something to eat first before we head out.”
~♫~
Vinyl Scratch could still hardly believe it when Sunset had packed up her things and moved out. Vinyl made enough money to not rely on a roommate for the rent and utilities, so that wasn’t much of a worry. But Sunset always had such a presence to her, and now without her in the building, it felt like there was too much room, too much empty space. The warm colors she always brought with her having disappeared made everything seem plain and gray.
As did, she supposed, the withdrawals. The combination of anxiety and depression led to a sense of worthlessness; whenever Sunset tried to visit, Vinyl always felt so undeserving, and almost everytime, it ended with Vinyl driving Sunset out, whether intentionally or not. Sometimes it was arguments, sometimes it was Vinyl bemoaning the situation, and one time, it was Vinyl having a bout of paranoia. She didn’t really think that it was someone disguised as Sunset, out to get her for the ruination of Sunset’s love for her, or so she told herself. The feeling that she deserved retribution for being such a total asshole throughout the time Sunset would spend with her never left, whether her intense fears were in play or not. Sunset didn’t deserve to put up with the crap of someone so pitiful.
Two weeks of withdrawals went by before Sunset brought with her more heartbreak. “Vinyl, you know I love you, right?” she said quietly while they sat on the couch.
Well duh, of course she loved her! Why would she keep visiting if she didn’t? “Yeah… is something up?”
Sunset had to take a deep breath, sighing through her nose, before looking at Vinyl with eyes of sorrow. “I need to stop seeing you for awhile, as you’re still going through withdrawals,” she said, her voice trembling ever so slightly.
Vinyl was stunned. “But why?” she said, her voice cracking. “I need you, Sunset! I need you! You’re my rock, I can’t make it without you-”
“And your rock is cracked and weathered,” Sunset interrupted. “I can’t support you if we both crumble, Vinyl, and seeing you like this hurts too much.”
Vinyl couldn’t look Sunset in the eye after those words. “So you’re… you’re just leaving me? You’re gonna let me sit here and rot all alone?”
“No, at least not forever,” Sunset explained. “I’ve talked with our friends, and we’ll all take turns helping you out. They’ll visit everyday-”
“But I don’t want to see our friends!” Vinyl shouted, getting to her feet. “They don’t understand what we’ve been through, what we’re going through!”
“Are you kidding me?” Sunset returned. “Applejack and Rarity are both recovering alcoholics, Rainbow Dash is a sex addict, and Pinkie’s only just gotten her diabetes under control. Wallflower has finally gotten to the point where she doesn’t need marijuana to keep her food down. The idea that they can’t relate to our addictions, that they can’t help, is laughable!” Listing off the sorry life decisions of her friends after they had graduated stung, but in Sunset’s mind, there was no denying that they could aid Vinyl in her darkest hour.
“They never had you like I did! They never got intimate like us! They don’t know you and I like we know each other! They can’t help me like you can! But fuck me, right!?”
Sunset bared her teeth at Vinyl’s screeching, and stood tall, domineeringly, over her. “You will calm your ass down, Vinyl Scratch. Right. Now.”
The fury in Vinyl’s system wavered at Sunset’s powerful aura of indignance, making way for hints of fear and despair. Refusing to give in just yet though, Vinyl charged forward and tried to tackle Sunset, but even her rage-enhanced strength was not enough to topple Sunset, who took hold of Vinyl’s wrists before pushing her down onto the couch. Vinyl didn’t know where her sunglasses flew off to, just that she wasn’t wearing them by the time she hit the cushions.
Before Vinyl could react, Sunset was upon her, pinning Vinyl down by gripping those spindly forearms and clutching Vinyl’s hips with her thighs. Sunset continued to stare at Vinyl in silence, aqua meeting fuchsia; she was still angry, but there was also tiredness in her eyes, and whatever fight Vinyl had left in her fell apart. She sobbed through heaving breaths, “I need you, Sunset. Please, don’t go.”
Sunset kissed Vinyl on the forehead. “I have to go. For both our sakes.” She felt Vinyl’s body slacken beneath her, the sense of defeat radiating from Vinyl and penetrating Sunset’s outer shell. It didn’t really take much to get through, but Sunset had learned long ago how to maintain a front in the face of despair.
“But remember, this isn’t goodbye. There’s no such thing as a goodbye, not for us. Our hearts only know ‘see you later’,” she added reassuringly. “I just can’t handle this on my own. I’ve been having some withdrawals too. Not intense like yours, but they’re there, and our friends have helped me get through this. They can help you too.”
Another soft kiss, this time to Vinyl’s lips. “Trust and believe, Vinyl. Trust and believe.”
Taking a less aggressive position, Sunset gave Vinyl a hug, cradling her gently. They held each other until Vinyl stopped crying, and Sunset stood, helping Vinyl sit straight. She made her way to the front door and opened it, but turned around first. She gave Vinyl a hopeful smile, kissed her fingertips, and said “Arrivederci,” leaving when Vinyl returned the gesture and parting words.
~♫~
While the emotional parts of the withdrawals had toned down over the next couple of weeks—they hadn’t disappeared entirely, good heavens no, they simply weren’t so overwhelming anymore—there still remained a lack of appetite. She did her best to keep herself from being queasy at the thought of anything heartier than soda bread, but when she had dropped to just under a hundred pounds, Vinyl knew she needed some real help. Weed may have been an alternative, but that just meant she would end up relying on yet another drug, and she really didn’t want to disappoint Sunset further.
Applejack and Rainbow Dash came to her rescue in that regard on the days they visited. The farmgirl kept claiming that Granny’s vittles were so much better, but so far as Vinyl was concerned, that was a bunch of cock-and-bull. Applejack knew that they had to start small, because just forcing the kind of food she and her family usually ate down Vinyl’s throat would just make the poor deejay throw it all back up. And so, rather than make rich food, Applejack began with making light, but fragrant food instead. A lot of herbs and spices went into all of it, and it smelled so damn good that Vinyl was sure she’d be able to stomach a square meal in no time.
She was, of course, horribly wrong.
Wolfing down three apple turnovers before a gag reflex could kick in was not a good idea, she thought to herself; her mouth was too occupied with vomiting to put her thoughts into words. Applejack had her hand on Vinyl’s back, rubbing it to hopefully calm her guts down a little. She gave a small laugh and said, “Ah know that Ah’m a fairly good cook, and it’s real flatterin’ that you like mah food so much you make yerself look like a starvin’ dog, but maybe don’t eat yerself sick next time?”
“Y-yeah… bleaaargh!” Vinyl managed to sputter out weakly before puking some more.
She barely touched anything after that, managing to down half of another turnover before she felt her stomach starting to churn. “Baby steps, alright, sugarcube?” Applejack said before leaving that evening. She left Vinyl with a couple more turnovers to eat throughout the next day.
Rainbow Dash, on the other hand, went with an approach focusing more on nutrition than getting Vinyl Scratch’s appetite back in gear. After all, if making something taste good wasn’t helping, then she may as well make the most of what little she can keep down. She had to stick with power bars and protein shakes at first; she had no idea how someone could enjoy something so disgusting, but Dash seemed to like it well enough, or at least tolerate it for the sake of staying in shape.
Along with the food came an exercise routine. Dash may have been more for improving performance than building muscle, but Vinyl needed to get some meat under what was just skin on bones. After some advice from Bulk Biceps, she and Vinyl had a plan.
To put it bluntly, Vinyl hated every last second of it. The gut-churning ‘food,’ the tiresome workouts, all of it. But even when her muscles were burning and screaming for her to stop, Vinyl pushed herself a little harder, getting in just one more crunch, one more pushup, one more rep everytime she thought, Do it for her. Do it for her. Do it for Sunset.
Something vaguely resembling relief came in the form of time spent with Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, and Wallflower Blush. The fact remained that, with how heavily she abused the acid and ecstasy, the withdrawals could go on for a couple of months if she didn’t do something about it, and she was pretty sure that she couldn’t take going that long with little more than food and exercise to keep her mind off of how shitty everything was without Sunset or drugs in her life. When it started, there was little that could be done to improve Vinyl’s mood; cute animals would get little more than a couple of pets and a quick nap in her lap, Pinkie’s attempts to make merry hardly did anything but annoy her, and she and Rarity practically always ended up getting snippety with each other when doing things like discussing her wardrobe.
At least Wallflower was mostly quiet. There wasn’t much of a difference between Wallflower trying to get her into gardening and Rainbow Dash getting her to exercise, so far as Vinyl cared, but at least it was easier on her body than working herself to the bone. She hadn’t a single damn to give about how pretty everything would look when it grew up, but a distraction was a distraction.
“It’s getting pretty late,” Wallflower said one evening, “so I won’t stop you if you wanna retire for tonight. But, well, it’s sunse- I mean, it’s dusk, and there’s something I was hoping to show you.”
Vinyl looked up from the row of black, fertile soil into which she’d just planted seeds of some kind that she didn’t bother remembering, saw that the sky was darkening, and reminded herself that Wallflower’s place was about an hour’s walk away from her own. Wallflower knew that, but if she felt that something was important enough for Vinyl to stick around for a little, then she would at least humor her.
Wallflower smiled when Vinyl nodded, and then ushered her to the front of the house. From the fence at the sidewalk to just before her front porch, there was a cobblestone path with four rosewood arbors, all covered in delicate vines with spade-shaped leaves. The white flowers of the light green vines on two of the arbors were starting to close, while the pale violet flowers of the blue-green vines on the other two arbors held some kind of tension to them, as though waiting for the perfect moment to act upon something. Vinyl was pretty sure that the white flowers were wide open when she had first came to Wallflower’s house, and so seeing them start to close was enough to make her tilt her head.
“Watch the purple ones,” Wallflower instructed, looking somewhat excited.
And so Vinyl watched.
And watched.
And watched some more.
About three minutes had passed since the sun had crossed the horizon, and the sky had become a dark periwinkle color; the moon was out and full, and would soon replace what was left of the sun’s light with its own.
Bored, Vinyl said, “Is something supposed to hap- wait a second, did that flower just move?”
She continued to stare at the blossom she saw twitch. A few seconds later, and the flower twitched again. “It did move! I just saw it!”
And so it had.
In the span of about thirty seconds, the flower had widened considerably, revealing its insides, although it took about another two minutes for it to blossom fully. Vinyl had stopped caring about that particular flower by then, however, and was watching all the other ones open in the absence of sunlight. “Beautiful, aren’t they?” Wallflower said. Vinyl didn’t answer; she didn’t seem especially excited about the flowers, but they were something she genuinely found interesting. Judging by what Wallflower had heard from the others, breaking through the malaise was something yet to be truly achieved by any of them. Applejack had come close before, but with Vinyl Scratch now reluctant to actually eat much for fear of having to hurl it back up, things had progressed slowly from there.
It was petty of her, to be sure, but Wallflower couldn’t help feeling a little smug.
“Now, stand about half a foot away, and take a deep breath.” Wallflower demonstrated how to do it, her chest puffing out as she inhaled. Vinyl followed suit, and almost choked as she was hit in the face by an unexpected smell. It was like vanilla and magnolias mixed with sweet peas, combining into a perfume that was almost reminiscent of suntan lotion. It was… pleasant.
“What even are these things?”
“They’re usually called moonflowers,” Wallflower informed the deejay. “Like the name suggests, they open at night. They’ve also got a nice smell to them, and while the white ones are more fragrant, I feel like the purple ones are prettier. It also makes for a nice sense of duality with the white morning glory, don’t you think?”
“Uh… yeah, I guess,” Vinyl said with a shrug. “Why did you want to show me these, though?”
Another sigh escaped Wallflower, this time more somber than the last. “Just because one flower closes when the light fades, that doesn’t mean another flower won’t open for you when your world goes dark.”
It didn’t take long for Vinyl to understand what Wallflower Blush was getting at. “Heh. Sounds pretty emo.”
Wallflower scowled.
“Pretty cool too, though. Emo, but cool. I think I needed to hear something like that,” Vinyl said, throwing one arm over Wallflower’s shoulder and squeezing her gently. “Thanks, Wallflower.”
Wallflower’s scowl disappeared, replaced with a humble smile. “No problem.”
Vinyl Scratch looked around the area for a little, noticing how it was perhaps a little too dark to be walking home on her own. She didn’t feel like she was in a bad neighborhood, but it would probably be best if she didn’t wander around at night by her lonesome, not when she could still end up having hallucinations at this point in time. “Would it be cool for me to stick around for the night? I don’t wanna risk going home in the dark.”
“Oh, sure. Um, it’s kind of skunky inside, and all I have is a couch, but I have some spare blankets and pillows,” Wallflower said. “Stay for however long you need to.”
Being led inside, the first thing Vinyl noticed was the smell; Wallflower wasn’t kidding, the whole place reeked of pot. If anything, she had undersold the odor, but at least it wasn’t something Vinyl was unfamiliar with. “I thought Sunset said you were getting off of grass?” she inquired.
“Well,” clarified Wallflower, “I haven’t broken away from it yet, but at least I can eat without being high. Taking it one headache at a time helps make everything manageable, you know?”
Vinyl nodded in understanding. “Yeah. Trying to quit all my stuff cold turkey has been a steaming pile of horse apples so far, but… I think I can do it. I gotta do it, I don’t really have a choice.”
A pillow and blanket that had just been sprayed down with some fabric scent remover were pulled from a closet and given to Vinyl so she could sleep on the couch; even through the rather flowery perfumes of the spray did the scent of marijuana linger, but Vinyl didn’t care too much. She just wanted to get some sleep so she could be back home early tomorrow.
~♫~
Eight weeks in total. That was how long it took for Vinyl Scratch to stop being consumed by the effects of her withdrawals. She didn’t feel like she had beaten it one hundred percent, but what was left of her suffering was, to her, minimal. Eating wasn’t a big deal, she felt the motivation to get up and actually do something in the morning, and could go all day without being overwhelmed by waves of boredom and sadness. She was building up strength, and didn’t look like a blue-haired scarecrow. Life wasn’t so dull and pointless anymore.
And heck, there were even times when Sunset would still visit! According to her and their friends, Sunset had recovered entirely in about four weeks’ time. Vinyl was still kind of disappointed in how much longer her own recovery was taking, but she supposed it made sense; she did at least twice the amount of drugs that Sunset did while they were together, and had been doing them longer. They would talk, watch whatever was on the television at the time—Vinyl preferred cartoons, whereas Sunset would rather watch cooking shows or documentaries, but she would usually relent to help Vinyl’s day—or just have some coffee. Sunset’s visits still felt too short to Vinyl, though. Even if the rest of the world was getting a little brighter, it would never be bright enough without her love, without the warmth that splash of red and gold brought her.
It would all be worth it in the end, though. Once she was completely drug-free, they could get back together, and their relationship would be back, stronger than ever. Better than ever. Everything was going to turn out alright, she just knew it.
Another week passed, and Vinyl had gone all seven days without any symptoms of withdrawal. Yeah, she was ready.
Psyching herself up a bit, she gave Sunset a call to invite her over instead for once; surely that would give Sunset a good sign. Vinyl had even decorated the house a bit, taking Wallflower’s advice for some floral accents. Roses were for the unimaginative, or so she was told, and so she got a bouquet of red spider lilies, yellow carnations, blue bearded irises, and these gorgeous white flowers with hot pink marks all over them—Wallflower called them, what was it, My Love gladioli?—and put them in a simple white vase on the coffee table. But the flowers themselves were far more than colorful enough to make up for it, and they even matched everyone’s colors! That was a heck of a plus. Wallflower sure knew her stuff. The only thing she didn’t get was the envelope Wallflower put into the bouquet, and was only told that she was supposed to let Sunset open it first.
When Sunset arrived, she wore a soft smile and gave Vinyl Scratch a big hug, coupled with a kiss on the cheek. “I’ve been waiting for this day for so long,” Vinyl said when Sunset released her embrace. “Look! I’m clean and sober now, Sunset! We’ve gotten our lives in order, I haven’t touched any drugs in two months. And y’know what else?”
Sunset raised an eyebrow. “What?”
Vinyl Scratch struck a sultry pose, took off her sunglasses, and gave Sunset a do-me-right-here-right-now look with her red-purple eyes. “I got my groove back.”
She lunged forward and pressed her mouth to Sunset’s, kissing her deeply and passionately, something she hadn’t been able to do without being high since they’d first started dating. Her hands explored Sunset energetically, crawling up and down Sunset’s back and waist, even sliding under her leather jacket and shirt. However, Sunset didn’t seem to share the same enthusiasm; her hands stayed at Vinyl’s hips, and her lips and tongue didn’t move as hard and fast as Vinyl’s.
Vinyl Scratch broke the kiss, a look of confusion on her face. “Is something wrong? Why aren’t you into it?”
Sunset’s face became solemn, and she sat down on the couch, beckoning Vinyl to do the same. Tears were welling in those blue-green eyes that Vinyl loved so much, and her heart sunk into her stomach. ‘She doesn’t plan on hooking back up, I bet,’ whispered the sly, vaguely demonic voice from before as Sunset took her hand.
“Everyone else and I have been talking, and after I… confessed what I did, and how much it hurts, I decided that I still shouldn’t date you again,” Sunset said.
‘Dammitall.’
“What you did? What’re you talking about?”
Sunset took a big gulp of nothing, her throat and chest tightening. “That I raped you, Vinyl. I don’t-”
“I’ve already told you, it wasn’t-”
“Yes, Vinyl, it was. I… I violated you in the worst way, and because of that… I can’t be with you anymore.” The tears that moistened her eyes were flowing freely down her cheeks, and all Vinyl could do was watch as the one she loved, the one she worked so hard for, broke under the weight of the doubt, regret, remorse, and despair that she must have been hammering into herself for so long. If Vinyl was to believe herself, she’d have said that it looked like Sunset was practically killing herself from the inside out over it. “I don’t deserve you, Vinyl!”
“You don’t deserve me?” Vinyl asked astoundedly. “If it wasn’t for me doing hard drugs in the first place, we wouldn’t be in this situation!”
“And look at yourself now,” Sunset said with a croaky voice. “You’ve gotten so much better ever since I left.”
Vinyl could feel her confusion being replaced with indignation. “So, what, you’re telling me that all this effort I put into changing for our sakes, so we could be together again, doesn’t mean jack shit? You’re saying that I just wasted my time?”
“Self-betterment is never a waste of your time, Vinyl,” replied Sunset. “Whether you did it for me, yourself, for us, or for no damn reason at all, you improving upon your life is never a bad thing, never a waste.”
Vinyl leaned forward and placed a hand on Sunset’s shoulder. “I did all this for you more than anyone else, to be worth your while. Do… d’you think that you’re not worth my while?”
“Yes.”
There was such a sense of bluntness, and of finality to Sunset’s answer, that Vinyl didn’t really know what to say in return. “I can’t be with you, not when thinking of so much as kissing you makes me hate myself even more for having the absolute gall after what I’ve done.”
Vinyl let go of Sunset, then reclined into the couch, staring at one of the bare walls. She waited for about twenty seconds, and then said, “…I guess that’s it for us then? We can’t ever be girlfriends anymore?”
Sunset nodded. “Right.”
Strangely, Vinyl didn’t feel sadness, or anger, or any of the other emotions one might associate with a breakup. There was just… nothing, as though her insides had suffered their own little death, and her body was just a husk. She sighed through her nose, and then remembered something. “Oh yeah, uh, Wallflower gave me some flowers, and a card or something to go with them. She said that she wanted you to read the letter first, not me.” Reaching into the flowers, she withdrew a lavender envelope and handed it to Sunset, who opened it and took out the folded paper inside. As Sunset quietly read through it, her expression shifted from melancholy to annoyance and then to understanding. She folded the paper up and tucked it back into the envelope.
“Did Wallflower ever tell you what the flowers meant?” Sunset asked.
Vinyl shook her head. “No, she just told me that roses are kinda tasteless, and recommended a bouquet of all this stuff.”
“Well, each flower symbolizes something important. Red spider lilies represent death-”
“Wait, what!?”
“-among other things, mostly having to do with funerals or other aspects of the dead. They also represent the ending before a new beginning,” Sunset continued. “The yellow carnations are a symbol of disappointment, and departure. In the right context, they can even be a way to show someone your disdain or contempt for them, but that doesn’t seem to be the point she’s making. The blue bearded irises are, above all else, a symbol of hope, and the gladioli are all about strength. She must have waited until after our talks to come up with this.”
Vinyl thought about it for awhile. “So she’s saying that… our breakup is forever, and that we might even hate each other for it, but we can hope for something better to come into our lives, and are strong enough to pull through?”
Sunset nodded. “That’s what it sounds like, yeah.”
“Heh. Wallflower, you friggin’ emo nerd.”
“Huh?”
“Nothing.”
