There is nothing better in this world than to wake up in the arms of the one you love. On this perfect Sunday afternoon, I gently stirred from my sleep as the morning sun’s rays fell on my eyelids. Flash Sentry’s arms were wrapped around my waist, holding me in a loving embrace.
How lucky I am, I thought, to have such a sweet boyfriend.
Boyfriend…
Boyfriend?
I don’t have a boyfriend!
My eyes snapped open in panic. The arm around my waist should not have been there! This was my bed, my room!
The back of my head met the stranger’s nose with a satisfying crunch. In the moment he released me to cry out in pain, I dove out of the bed and grabbed my bedside lamp, raising it over my head, intent on protecting myself.
“Ouch! What the fuck Sunset?”
I lowered the lamp, staring in disbelief. On the bed, a bare-chested Flash Sentry tried to stem the flow of blood from his broken nose using a wad of tissue paper.
“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM?” I raised the lamp again, fury seizing my heart. I didn’t give a shit if he was a friend — Tartarus, more of a pleasant acquaintance really — if that creep had dared lay a hand on me while I slept…
The thought almost made me vomit, and my heart felt like it was about to burst from disgust.
“What do you mean ‘what are you doing in my room’?” Flash Sentry looked almost angry at me for some reason. “You’re the one who invited me to stay over!”
“W-what?!” My eyes scanned the room. The bed was messy, covered in popcorn bits. The small television set facing it was playing static, and a few dvd sets of crappy horror movies were lyingabout next to it. Next to the bed, Flash’s unmistakeable jacket bearing a lightning bolt patch on the shoulder was draped over my desk chair’s back. On the seat, his guitar case was open, and the instrument leant against my desk.
The crash of the bedside lamp on the floor dragged me back to reality. Through the confused haze invading it, my mind vaguely registered that I had dropped the lamp and it had shattered at my feet, the handcrafted porcelain littering a floor covered in socks.
“W… what?”
“Sunset, are you alright?”
“Get out.” My voice was barely more than a shaky whisper. Too many thoughts and realizations spun in my mind. “Get out right now.”
“Sunset—”
“GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM!”
“Sunny—”
Something snapped inside of me. That was the name my mother used to call me when I was a foal. And no one, no one had a right to call me by that name except her. I grabbed a picture frame and wildly threw it at him. Flash was out of the door before the broken pieces fell to the ground.
It took a long moment for me to stop shaking. Some time ago, Twilight — Equestria Twilight — had taught me a breathing technique she used to calm herself down, and I found it useless at that moment. My knees gave way under me as a bout of dizziness overcame my senses, and I crumpled into a shivering pile on the floor. I kept myself in a shaky hug, like it would be enough to stop my racing heart from exploding out of my ribcage.
Flash wasn’t a bad person, and there was no way he would lie so blatantly about this. What would he have expected? For me to completely believe that suddenly I was in a relationship with someone I sometimes exchanged pleasantries with? Plus, there was the state of the room: the popcorn laying around, the movies we used to watch when I pretended to love him. His things in the corner—I couldn’t even bear to look at them— just like he used to—
Seized by a sudden, frightening thought, I rushed to the calendar hanging on the wall. With all the Equestrian magic the girls and I had dealt with, could it be that…
My hand slid on the calendar, my index finger underlining the date. I breathed more easily. Somewhat. Today’s date stared me in the face, just like I remembered it yesterday. There was no weird I-was-thrown-back-in-time-to-when-I-used-to-date-Flash-Sentry shenanigans going on.
I slumped on the wall, my breathing finally calming down. The memory of waking up in someone’s arms was still fresh, but I could feel my mind actively walling it down behind a rampart of dissociation. Soon, it would become only a distant memory, like a stain on my mind that was always there, but would never really feel real, like so many other memories before it.
My feet dragged on the floor as I approached the bed and redid the covers almost robotically, a hardwired routine taking over my failing mind. I kicked my trashcan down, and some tissues and a lot of candy wrappers fell off. I sifted through it absentmindedly, looking for something and not finding it.
Before I knew it, I was in the shower, warm water trickling down my back and hitting the ceramic tub with a muted drip. I vaguely remembered feeling myself, looking for something inside me…
A sudden wave of sickness made me stumble out of the shower and over the toilet seat, where I emptied the contents of my almost-empty stomach. Bile burned my throat, my mouths, my lips, and I heaved over the bowl, spitting out the remnants of the acid.
Why?
Just why?
I never was someone for whom relationships and sex mattered that much, but I always did things at my discretion. I was always in control, always. But I knew what usually happened when Flash Sentry slept over before I’d left him, and I know that whatever had happened for him to end up in my bed, I definitely hadn’t been in control.
But there hadn’t been any condom in the trash bin, and although I knew I would have probably felt nothing anyway, there hadn’t been any traces of… him inside me. I held my head in my hands, breathing slowly.
I quickly washed my hands and mouth under the sink and glanced in the mirror mounted over it. A ragged, miserable Sunset stared back, her hair a mess.
“Nothing happened, Sunset. Everything will be—”
A loud bang at the bathroom door made me start in surprise, and a raspy voice called out. “Sunset, are you alright in there?”
Rainbow Dash?
Rainbow Dash! Thank Celestia, whatever had happened, the girls would help me get to the bottom of this.
“I’m coming, Rainbow!” I put my brave face on and took a quick swig of water, spitting it out to get the taste of bile out of my mouth, before opening the door with a towel draped around me.
Rainbow Dash was looking at me with a puzzled expression, her hair messy. She was breathing heavily. Had she run all the way from her house? Before I could question her, she’d put her hands on my shoulders so hard she knocked the wind out of my lungs. “Sunset, what’s wrong? I heard everything from Flash. Did you really throw a lamp at him?”
I took a deep breath, holding myself back from shaking. “I know this might be hard to believe, since he’s your friend but you really have to believe me. When I woke up this morning, he— he was holding me and— and...”
My words trailed off as a feeling of horror settled in. I’d expected her to be confused, upset, disbelieving…
“Dude,” she snorted. “He’s your boyfriend. What’s weird with that?”
The world spun around me, and a second wave of nausea hit me in the stomach like a hammer. I ripped myself out of Rainbow’s grasp and would have puked over her too had it not been for my stomach being completely empty by now.
“Sunset?”
“He’s—”
Got the music in our hearts!
We're here to blow this thing apart!
And together we will never be afraid of the dark!
“Argh, stupid thing! Hello?!”
I blinked. Rainbow’s phone had rung, and it was like I wasn’t even able to speak anymore. Cold strings had wrapped around my throat, blocking any sound, and before I could get myself to speak again, Rainbow Dash had hung up.
“I’m sorry, Sunset,” she said, and the worry in her voice almost made me forget I was upset myself. “Something came up… I— I gotta go.”
And before I could stop her, she was out the door, leaving me alone in the quiet of my room. I went back to the bathroom and slammed the door behind me before slumping to the ground.
What had happened?
What had just happened?
I shook my head and patted my cheeks. Come on, Sunset. Time to be strong. You were nervous, anxious, you probably panicked. I dragged myself under the shower and scrubbed myself thoroughly — somehow I managed to feel a bit cleaner afterward — and I was thankful that it was the weekend so I could actually take the time to try and make sense of what had happened.
It wasn’t too complicated. Apparently, Flash Sentry was my boyfriend. It was almost funny how openly I accepted it, but I had more than enough reasons to believe that Equestrian magic somehow had something to do with this, and more than enough reasons to believe that my friends and I would—again—be able to make things right.
For my problem, however, the solution was pretty easy. I opened my phone and—
I opened my phone—
I glared at the stupid thing that resolutely stayed off. Fine, batteries must have been empty. I shoved the plug into its stupid hole and waited.
Well, if I were to wait, might as well make myself some breakfast.
And by “make myself some breakfast”, I meant “shove a few pieces of toast into the toaster and wait with a jar of peanut butter on the counter”. I really had no patience to cook myself anything more complicated than that. And if my belly was going to complain later, it could go fuck itself.
I joined my hands together on the counter, softly rubbing my thumbs against each other in a calming motion. The shock of the morning having passed, I found myself able to think much more clearly. My head still buzzed with confusion and anger, of course, but I imagined those would be normal after the rough wake-up I had.
The toasts jumped out of the toaster with a tchink and were soon covered in peanut butter. I chewed thoughtfully on them.
I needed to talk with the girls, to explain the situation to them. They knew what we’d been up against these last months, surely they would believe me if I told them flatly what had happened. In fact, I was still trying to understand what had happened exactly. Mind control maybe? After the act the Dazzlings had pulled, I would be ready to believe that.
But most importantly, I had to warn Princess Twilight that something seriously wrong was happening.
My pen glid across the magical journal’s pages.
Dear Princess Twilight,
I hope you are doing well. Here, things have gotten a little bit complicated. I don’t know what’s going on, but there seems to be some sort of spell at work here. When I woke up, I learned that Flash Sentry and I are apparently in a relationship, but
My pen froze over the page. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t move my fingers one millimetre.
What was happening? Why couldn’t I just write or say that Flash and I weren’t in fact in a relationship? Was it all that was? A strange compulsion that stopped me from breaking up with him? That forced me to stay in a relationship that was entirely artificial?
there is something that I can’t write. Or say. Or do anything about, really.
As soon as I’d stopped struggling to write out what I truly wanted to write, my hand had unlocked as if by a miracle. Not wanting to question this any further for now, I pressed on.
I only ask you to see if something feels off about the human world, and I’ll try my best to fix it. I know you have a lot of problems in Equestria, and I don’t want to bother you too much with what is ultimately a small issue.
It wasn’t a small issue. It wasn’t a small issue at all, but last I’d heard, Equestria was caught up in the middle of some very… troubled times. I couldn’t bear to distract Twilight from her duties to fix my probably-magically-induced relationship.
Or destroy it, to be more accurate.
I slammed the journal shut and slid it into my backpack. Hopefully, she would answer soon. If not, I’d have to improvise.
I freshened myself up and got ready to head out. But first, one thing remained to be done.
I took my phone and held the power button.
…
“Really?” I let out with an exasperated sigh. This was not the start of a good day.
Phone broke. Alright, I’d spent almost twenty years without even the concept of a phone before I’d arrived in the human world, I didn’t really need it. It just would have been very convenient to be able to simply shoot Flash a text and break up with him, but as luck would have it, I was going to have to do things the hard way.
I slipped the broken phone into my bag and headed out the door. If my instincts were right, either Rainbow or Flash had contacted the girls, and they had probably gone out to the Sweet Shoppe for a meeting. I let out an irritated tssk. They had the best of intentions, but I could tell they weren’t completely trusting of me. They too often met just the six of them before bringing me in. I couldn’t blame them, especially with the situation at hand…
And my instincts were right. The tinkle of the cafe’s doorbell hadn’t even died out when I spotted them talking around a table in a corner, sipping on half-empty milkshakes. Rainbow was the first one to notice me, and waved at me with an understandably guilty expression. I lazily waved back and joined them around the table, not bothering to hide my discontent at them not-conspiring behind my back. Their talking died down as soon as I came close, but I heard enough that I could easily tell they had been talking about me.
“Heyyyy Sunset, how’s it hangin’?” Rainbow tried opening the conversation as clumsily as I’d ever seen her.
“Fine,” I said curtly. “Just wondering why I wasn’t invited. Again.”
“We tried to invite you,” Applejack said with a huff. “You just weren’t answerin’ your darn phone!”
I took the phone out of my bag and handed it to her. “It’s broken. I don’t know why, but it’s broken. Worst part is this morning was probably the time I needed it the most ever since I got that thing.”
Applejack quickly gave up on trying to make it function. She already had no patience for electronics, I doubted she’d have any more for broken electronics. Twilight, however, grabbed it excitedly. “Give it here! I’ll try to see if I can make it work again.”
She plugged it into her laptop, and it was like we didn’t exist anymore.
“Girls.” I pulled a chair and sat down between Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie, the latter of which was positively devouring a pile of pancakes. “Something very strange is going on.”
“You mean like you throwing lamps at your boyfriend?” Applejack raised an eyebrow at me, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Stars, how dense was that country bumpkin farmgirl—
I took a calming breath. Now wasn’t the time to think awful things about my friends. Applejack wasn’t stupid, but she was simple. At times, her straightforward thought process helped us greatly, but she could be so infuriating.
“Well, that’s the thing. Flash—”
“Accidentally tickled you and you reacted by trying to defend yourself because you were still half asleep?” Pinkie lifted her head from the pancakes for a moment to shoot out her quick hypothesis.
I shook my head. “No, actually—”
“Orrrrr,” Pinkie started again to my greatest irritation. “You wanted to throw flowers at him but you grabbed the lamp instead!”
“Pinkie…” I was about to tell her to shut up and please let me finish when she stood up and slammed her hands on the table, making the milkshakes rattle and Fluttershy cower in her chair.
“Or you saw a super spooky shadow behind him and you wanted to defend him super romantically so you could spend the morning cuddling and stuff!” She patted her eyelashes at me and I felt sick just imagining it.
“No, that’s not—”
“Or maybe—”
“PINKIE PIE FOR THE LOVE OF CELESTIA CAN YOU SHUT UP AND LET ME FINISH?!”
My shout echoed painfully inside the Sweet Shoppe. If I still had pony ears, they’d be flat on my head in shame. Pinkie’s shaky, tearful look at me made my heart melt. “Pinkie, I—”
“Alright, that’s it!” Before I could defend myself, Applejack had grabbed me by the shoulders and dragged me away from the table. I couldn’t do anything but silently follow, feeling the concerned gazes of my friends boring holes in my back.
The glass door of the Sweet Shoppe clattered as Applejack slammed it behind us. She pulled me away from sight and leant against the shop’s wall and glared at me. I appreciated she left my back open.
“Listen here, sugarcube,” she said, her voice surprisingly soft but still with an edge of firmness. “I know that you’re still kinda new to this whole friendship shtick and all, and you’re clearly upset about something, but ya can’t just go around shouting at people. That… hurts. A lot.”
I pictured Pinkie wondering why I was so upset at her and crying, her friends desperately trying to cheer her up, and my heart sunk. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t—”
Applejack shook her head. “Don’t apologize to me, Sunset. Apologize to Pinkie. But first, ya gotta tell me what’s upsetting you so much you go around throwing things at your boyfriend and shouting at your friends.”
“But that’s the thing! Flash isn’t—”
A firetruck’s siren blared right next to us and I just about jumped out of my skin. Applejack started and hit the back of her head against the wall. Her hat fell to the ground and I picked it up for her. “You’re alright, Applejack?”
She let out the end of a long string of very colourful expletives and rubbed where she’d hit her head. “Ah’m alright, no blood and all... “ She let out a pained grunt. “Hurt like a kicking horse though, why’d that idiot turn on his sirens? The road is empty!”
She was right. Aside from the occasional car lazing away to one place or another, there wasn’t any traffic that would warrant the driver to hit the siren like that. Although from the timing with which it had happened, a terrifying realization dawned on me.
“Applejack,” I said, gently taking her arm and leading her away from the wall. “Listen to me very carefully. Fla—”
“Miss?”
I started at a tug on my sleeve and looked down. A child had suddenly appeared to pull at my jacket, looking up at me with teary eyes.
“Did you see my mommy?”
That was just about the confirmation I needed. While I stared at him, dazed, Applejack pointed him to a woman on the other side of the street, and he took off giggling.
“Well ain’t that just weird stuff after weird stuff?” Applejack readjusted her hat and stared puzzled at the now-reunited mother and child.
I tried calming myself as best I could. I tried not letting fear invade my every pore, but there was not much I could do to stave it away when I knew I was right dab in the centre of some weird magical mishap that was wringing away any sense of control away from me.
“Applejack. There is something I need to tell you — to tell all of you.” My fists were clenched, my nails digging into my skin. “It’s incredibly important, and I think there is something going on that is stopping me from saying it.”
“What, you mean those two things?” She shrugged and chuckled. “Come on, Sunset, you’re just unlucky today, that’s it.”
“Rainbow Dash got an urgent call and didn’t let me finish my sentence. My phone suddenly broke out of nowhere. Pinkie Pie kept interrupting me. Now, a random firetruck cut me off, and a random kid appeared just to distract us.” I shook my head. “I’m all for coincidences, but this is a bit much.”
Applejack thought for a moment, then nodded with a grave look on her face. “Alright.”
“Alright?”
“I’ll help you. I know the other girls think this whole Equestrian magic thing is kinda cool and all, but to be honest…” Applejack shivered. “It kinda gives me the hibby-jibbies sometimes, and I have no trouble believing it’s got you under some weird magic curse.”
I smiled, although I would find no pleasure in what I had to do. “Perfect. Then all I need you to do is bring Flash to me, and I’ll take care of the rest.”
The Sun was high in the sky, and my patience was wearing thin. After shoving down some toasts down my throat, I went straight to the school’s deserted football field to wait for Applejack and Flash. What a stupid name that was, “football”. At least, back in Equestria, our equivalent, hoofball, actually did use hooves. Here… what was the point of calling it football? The players only used their feet once to punt the ball at the start of the game, and then to run I guessed?
The low roar of a gas-powered bike sounded near me. At least humans had bikes. Those things were something else, and I doubted I’d find something similar back at home.
“Heya, Sunset.”
I started and rose to meet Applejack and Flash sentry walking toward me. Both of them were clad in bike protection. My “boyfriend” looked sullen. Good. I needed him to be as down as he could be. Applejack looked reluctant. She was a smart girl, and she didn’t like her friends getting hurt, especially not by other friends.
What a shame.
“Applejack!” I grinned at her. “I’m so glad to see you!”
“Sunset?” Flash took a step toward me and my blood boiled. “Are you—”
“Flash Sentry!” I was surprised at the strength of my own bellow. “I have something to tell you. I— I—”
My throat contracted, the words unable to leave it. I’d half expected that, but it didn’t stop it from hurting. It didn’t stop it from feeling like an invisible puppeteer’s hands were wrapped around my throat, choking me out with every gasping attempt at getting a word out.
“Sunny—”
Contrast is a hell of a thing. As my knuckles met Flash Sentry’s nose, a surge of fiery, adrenaline-boosted satisfaction shot up my spine at the same moment my heart broke from punching a good friend in the face, resulting in me stumbling and leaning against a stunned Applejack to regain my spirits. I took a deep breath and straightened.
I hadn’t exactly planned for this. But my soul had gone ablaze when he’d spoken that name. And so a plan B had formed in a fraction of a second. If I couldn’t break up with him, he could break up with me.
And a broken nose would prove to be enough. He fell backward with a yell, Applejack barely fast enough to stop him from hitting the ground. I felt a grim satisfaction feeling my knuckles wet with blood, and seeing the red on his jacket.
Then, the adrenaline died down, and my stomach fell into a pit. I’d punched him. I’d punched a friend, even though he was the main problem with my life at the moment.
That was wrong. That was so, so wrong.
Luckily, there was no one else to witness this. Except AJ, and she would keep her trap shut as long as she believed magic had something to do with this. This was between me and Flash Sentry, and my guilty conscience.
“Did she just punch him?!”
Oh, for fuck’s sake.
Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, and Apple Bloom stood a few metres away from us, agape. They all were wearing biker gear, and I spotted a smaller bike next to Flash Sentry’s. Since when— Wait, did Applejack bring them here?
And they all had their phones out and recording.
Oh, for fuck’s sake.
I hadn’t even noticed Flash Sentry picking himself back up and walking resolutely toward me, only realizing when he was a pace away from me. His nose was crooked and bleeding, and tears were watering his eyes. Applejack didn’t seem to know whether to intervene or not. I took a step back, readying myself for retaliation for assaulting him.
“Sunset…” He took a deep breath, and his nose made an ugly noise as he winced. “Ouch. Ah, Sunset, I don’t know what’s happening to you recently, but whatever it is, we’ll get through it together.”
“OH, FOR FUCK’S SAKE!”
“Sunset!” Applejack hissed. “Don’t swear in front of mah sister!”
That was what got her ruffled right now?!
“You don’t get it, do you?” I turned back to Flash, stomping a foot. “I—”
“Enough of that, Sunset.”
I felt a seething despair as Applejack pulled me away from him. “Applejack, I’m—”
“I don’t care what your plan was, but Flash is hurt and we need to get him to a clinic” Her tone was final, and her grip made of iron. “When you asked me to bring him to you, you didn’t tell me you were going to punch him!”
“I just said I was going to take care of it,” I said dismissively, trying to wrench myself free of her grip. What else could I say really?
“Don’t try twisting things by pretending you were being honest. You know I would never have agreed to help if I knew he was going to be hurt.”
“But I needed to do it! Who knew what could happen if we let this situation get out of control?”
The look of disgust on Applejack’s face was unlike any I’d ever seen before. She roughly let me go and considered me coldly. “You needed to punch him in the face? This… I didn’t expect this from you, Sunset. I thought you had changed for good. But this… this is not what I thought a good friend of mine would do to another.”
I didn’t answer, and after a few seconds, she let me go to go see Flash. I just stood there, annoyed, and disappointed. Partly because my plan had failed, mostly because I had disappointed myself. She was right. In my desperation, I hadn’t acted like a friend would act. I had acted like a selfish little pony afraid of a situation she didn’t control.
My hands shook. Control, that was the root of all of this. I’d tried to force an easy entry into alicornhood to have more power and control. I stayed in this human world because it was so easy to sway the school to my whims. And then, I’d let it slip from my fingers, trusting in my friends to make me feel good even if I had to surrender that control to others.
And now that control had completely slipped away from me, fear had seized my heart and made me act foolishly.
“Applejack!”
I stood, fists shaking. Applejack and Flash turned to me in surprise, the latter, still holding his nose in pain. I walked resolutely toward them, and Applejack shifted in front of Flash to protect him. I ignored her, forced myself to step closer, and extended a hand.
“Flash, what I did was stupid. I can’t explain why I did what I did—”
“You mean punch me in the face?” He raised an eyebrow and gestured to the hand holding his nose.
I closed my eyes and forced myself to take in a deep breath. “Yes. As I was saying, punching you in the face was stupid, and I’d like to take you to the hospital myself. And… I am very sorry I had to do it.”
“Had to?”
My heart was beating faster, my composure slipping as my stress increased. “I’ll try explaining it on the way. But, please, let me help you.”
He took my hand, and my heart lurched in disgust, but I forced myself to stand still. “And Applejack, I’m truly sorry I roped you into all this.”
“It’s, uh, alright?” She was looking at me strangely. “I’ll call you later Sunset, alright?”
I nodded, and she nodded back, straightening her ever-present Stetson before walking back to her bike with her sister and her friends, and taking off with an engine roar.
“So,” Flash said. I’d almost forgotten he was there. “Does that mean…”
“It doesn’t mean anything.” I plopped my helmet over his head and helped him onto my bike before kicking off the stand and taking off opposite of where Applejack had gone.
I tried explaining things on the way, but of course the bike and road made way too much noise to hear anything. I tried explaining in the hospital waiting room, but a baby would always start wailing at the right moment, or an emergency would happen which would cut me off, and I decided not to risk accidentally causing someone a heart attack just so the world could interrupt me yet again.
Why couldn’t this loveable idiot just take a clue and piss off?
Once we were out of the hospital with a splint for Flash’s nose, I’d resigned myself that I would never be able to tell anyone I wanted to break up with him. I’d tried writing it on a piece of paper, but the ink always ran dry before I could write the words, and even regular graphite pencils just broke or otherwise disintegrated before I could do anything useful with them. Showing the phenomenon to Flash made him look at me curiously, but nothing more.
What a bloody idiot.
The rest of the day went by in a blur. I stopped to get a bite, got some ice cream to drown my stress into, stopped at the mall for a while to stare blankly at windows. So many useless things I desperately wanted. How did Rarity handle being there for hours at a time?
While I was staring at the mall’s bookstore, the window’s reflection showed me Twilight approaching gingerly from behind.
“Twilight?”
She started, swallowed, and came closer. “Hey, Sunset.”
“Look, I’m sorry for what happened yesterday. I hadn’t been a very good friend.” I looked at her, hoping for reassurance, for anything that would make this day somewhat better.
But it didn’t come. Twilight just squirmed and looked at my right hand.
It clicked.
“MyStable?”
She nodded with a blush. Great, Applejack’s sister posted the video online, and now everyone knew I had acted like a violent bitch. Again.
Sudden spikes of anxiety stabbed my spine. After all this time, trying to build myself a new reputation…
Twilight poking my arm with a phone shook me out of my thoughts. I took it almost by reflex. “Is that my phone?”
She nodded and readjusted her glasses. “I repaired it. Well, kinda. It was plugged with a bit of magic so I removed it. I have no idea how it got there. I have to go.”
Before I could place a single word, she was gone.
I dragged my feet to my apartment, through the corridor perpetually stinking of cigarettes, and locked the door behind me before slumping against it, sighing.
What was I going to do? I couldn’t even say I wanted to break up with Flash, the world wouldn’t let me. Even punching him in the face did nothing…
Worse, as soon as I opened my newly-repaired phone, hundreds of notifications let me know exactly how badly things were. Apparently, the video of me punching Flash had spread like wildfire, and half the school had sent me concerned messages and questions, and threats of death and violence. Mostly the latter.
I shut off my phone and stashed it inside a drawer, having mysteriously lost any desire to open the thing ever again. Cursing Applejack’s dumb little sister and her dumb little friends, I threw open my pantry doors and started on dinner.
I ate in silence. Boxed mac n’ cheese filled with yummy artificial flavours and plastic cheese. Just to make things better, I put sliced hot dog sausages in it for a five-star gourmet meal. My stomach protested, but it really could go fuck itself. Cola and sugar-filled cookies to take the edge off got added to my miserable Saturday night meal.
I’d have probably downed a good bottle of ale if humans weren’t stupid and didn’t forbid those under 18 from actually getting their hands on it. That was one of the things I missed most about Equestria. Back there, you could hand a filly a cup of cider and no one would bat an eye. At worst, you’d get a gentle chiding.
I wasn’t an alcoholic. But in times like these, I would have gladly taken a sip of Copper Pot’s finest spirits to ease off the pain.
A buzz from my bag snapped me out of my musings, and I rushed to take out Twilight’s journal. A new entry had appeared! I flipped it open with a beating heart.
Dear Sunset,
I have tried analyzing the human world to see what was going on, and I found that there was a strange magic focused on you. I don’t know what it is, and it doesn’t seem to be dangerous… for now.
I would recommend you come back to Equestria. The human world is too unstable, too unprepared to be the epicentre of magical events. I won’t lie, I think your presence might have something to do with the sudden surge of magical happenings.
Yours truly,
Twilight Sparkle
My fingers were tight against the journal’s pages. Of course, Twilight was right. If there was a spell targeting me, there was no other way I could be sure to be safe than going back to Equestria while she worked on a solution.
But fuck that.
I wasn’t someone who just ran away. I was someone who got things done no matter what. Maybe the solution wouldn’t be obvious, but I would find one without resorting to running away with my tail tucked between my legs like a coward.
I felt hot. Too hot. Anger was blazing in my heart, the smoke of its flames almost choking me. For years I had fought, and fought, and known nothing but fighting, manipulating, and outsmarting, both in Equestria, and in the human world. I was not going to let some stupid two-bit spell get the better of me! I would not let some stupid magic wrench control away from me again and—
Three sharp knocks at my door took me out of my musings. I stood up straight in surprise. A visitor? This late? A glance at the wall clock told me it was almost 11 PM, and most people would have deserted the streets by now.
I approached the door with practiced care, seizing a baseball bat I always kept nearby. In my first few months in the human world, I’d quickly learnt that people weren’t as trustworthy here than in Equestria, and without my powerful magic to keep me safe, a hardy metal bat was about the strictest minimum I needed to feel safe. Dust crunched under my fingers — I hadn’t used the bat in a while, but for some reason, I had a burning feeling that I needed it now.
Three more knocks. I gripped my bat harder and reached for the doorknob.
“Sunset, it’s me!”
My shoulders loosened instantly at Applejack’s voice. I put the bat aside and opened the door wide. Before I could go and give her a big hug, however, her stern look stopped me in my tracks.
“Since your phone is broken and all, I decided to come here myself.” By the way she was speaking, she knew it was something weird to do. “So… I’ve maybe come up with something that could help you with your Flash situation.”
“Oh, you did?” I was taken aback by how sudden it all was, but I guess I could always count on Applejack to come up with quick no-nonsense solutions. “Honestly, I didn’t think you’d even want to help me after what I did.”
“You were stupid, yeah, and I was disappointed in you.” She sighed. “But you’re my friend, and I know that deep down, you didn’t mean to hurt anyone.”
“I mean—”
“You know what I mean.”
I did, and I didn’t need to say it for her to understand. There was a strange genius-level intelligence about my farmer friend towards… understanding others, I guess? As much as sometimes she looked like she didn’t have a clue what was going on, other times she read people like open books.
“Thank you Applejack.” What else could I say, really?
“It’s my pleasure.” She tipped her hat to me and turned to leave.
“Wait!” I reached out to her, not daring to really touch her. “Don’t you want to stay a bit? I have some food left.”
“Old boxed mac n’ cheese, sliced hotdog, cookies, and cola?”
Damn, she was good. “Maybe.”
She considered me for a moment, then sighed and let herself get pulled in. “Alright, I’ll stay a bit, but promise me you’ll go with my plan tomorrow.”
“I promise!”
“Now I don’t want you to renege on that promise, ya hear?”
I put my hand over my heart. “You know I never take back my words.”
“Can I take back my words?”
Applejack only glared at me and continued making her final checks on Stardust’s harness. “I know you think you won’t like this, sugarcube, but trust me on this.”
I liked horses, in a way. They reminded me of home, but not really. Unlike Ponies, horses were… for a lack of a better term, stupid. But they were equines, and were a reminder of what I used to be, kinda. Point was that I liked horseback riding. However, it was a whole other thing when I was forced to do so in the company of my not-boyfriend.
Then again, I had been looking for an unusual solution to my problem… maybe this would prove to be it.
“Woah there!” Flash nearly had a heart attack when his horse — Fairbreeze — started walking a bit faster. I rolled my eyes. For such a tough rocker dude, he had as much guts as…
I groaned and let my forehead meet Stardust’s neck. I couldn’t even think of a snarky internal comment I was so frustrated.
So apparently I had overestimated Applejack a little bit. Instead of trying to come up with a way to break us up, she decided that this was a good a time as any to organize a romantic outing between Flash and I.
“Are you insane?” I hissed between my teeth.
She shrugged in answer. “You never know, maybe this whole ‘curse’ of yours isn’t really a curse after all. Maybe a blessing in disguise.”
What could I say or do? I just sat tight, fuming, and let her finish her checkup before moving away from her and closing in on Flash. She waved us off, and I couldn’t help but think she was mocking me.
But I knew better than to think that. I should have known better. So I thought it, and it made me curse and stab Stardust in the ribs, which earned me a snort of discontent.
I felt a spike of anger at the horse. What right did it have to give me attitude? If I still had my horn, I would have wrung his stupid head down and made it apologize with whatever few neurons it had in that dumb—
“Hey, thanks for going on a ride with me.”
I shook my head, disgusted at the sudden thoughts that had intruded inside my mind. Under me, Stardust was trotting happily. To my right, against a backdrop of placid farmland, Flash Sentry smiled at me.
“Don’t mention it.” I held the reins a bit tighter and forced myself to make Stardust slow down to Fairbreeze’s pace. My hands trembled. I wanted to make Stardust run, to get away from Flash, but also to feel the wind in my mane, the thundering of hooves against the ground…
“ — and it doesn’t even hurt anymore!”
I started. My thoughts had gotten the best of me again. “Sorry, what were you saying?”
He pointed at his nose and smirked. “Doesn’t even hurt anymore!”
In a flash, I saw myself reach out and take his nose between two fingers, breaking it anew and tearing it—
“Stop it!” I snapped at myself, and Stardust snorted in response.
“Sunset?”
I turned to Flash, more than ready to unleash my full rage on him, until the look of sheer terror on his face killed the flames of anger that had started to roar inside me without my notice. I massaged the bridge of my nose to calm myself — which only reminded me of the vision of myself tearing off Flash’s nose I just had.
“I’m fine.” I pressed Stardust to move a bit faster to get my mind off things. “Come on, I’ll show you a path Applejack and I like to take on our trips.”
I led the way through two rows of grains and into the forest near Applejack’s farm. Immediately, we were plunged in the cool shade of the woods, and nature seemed to bloom and unfurl around us. Birds chirped their happy songs, squirrels and other critters skittered along the ground, making way for our mounts. I breathed in, and out. Scents of earth and flowers filled my lungs, and the cicadas were a heavenly chorus to my ears.
“Wow…” Flash looked around, starry-eyed. “This is beautiful.”
I smiled freely now, the anger that had seized me earlier all but melted from my consciousness. “It is. It actually looks like a forest that was near my fillyhood home back in—”
“Fillyhood?”
I could have ripped his questioning look off his face. But inside I knew I was the one who had fucked up.
“Childhood, sorry I was having a moment with Stardust.” I petted the horse’s neck. “Isn’t that right, boy?”
Stardust snorted. Stupid horse, couldn’t it do anything else?
At least that got Flash off my back, because after one last puzzled glance at me, he brought his attention back to the trail, giving me ample time to subtly trail behind out of sight.
It was only after letting out a shaky breath that I realized the reins were moist with sweat. I forced myself to unclench my hands from the leather and winced at the red marks on my palms. This was doing nothing good for me. If anything, it was just making me angrier the more time passed, even though I was doing something which should have been a perfectly enjoyable, relaxing activity.
My breathing was uneven. I tried getting it back under control with the breathing technique Twilight had shown me, and my ragged, hastened breaths evened out. I’d have to thank her for that… again.
The rest of the trip was mercifully short, interspaced with Flash’s attempts at small talk and my expert deflections. Deflections which usually took the form of a lazy “mhmm…” and a nod.
We reached a clearing with tree stump in the middle: the midpoint of the forest trail. Soon, we’d be out of there and—
“Sunset, I’d like for us to talk a bit about our relationship.”
Oh, for fuck’s sake.
“What relationship?” I glared at him with my best killer eyes, which seemed to work as he started to look way too invested in a tree somewhere to his right.
“Look,” he said finally, after tearing his eyes off the tree and back to me. “I don’t know what’s going on… I was going to say ‘with you’, but really I don’t understand what’s going on, period.”
“Tell me about it,” I grumbled.
“I mean, when I saw how you reacted yesterday, I thought this was all over, but…”
I could almost feel my ears perk up in curiosity — they would have if I still was a pony. “But?”
“Nah, forget it.” He did an awful fake laugh. “It’s just too weird.”
“Tell me.” I was on the edge of my saddle, teetering.
“Alright, alright! Just seat yourself back before you fall.”
I did just that and waited for him to gather his strength and tell me, holding back a desire to yell at him to just spit it out.
“I tried telling my friends about what happened and how I thought maybe it would be better if we got away from each other for a while, but every time I tried telling them that—”
“ — you were randomly interrupted.” I finished, heart beating so hard my chest felt numb.
He blinked and stared at me, agape. Bingo. “H-how did you know?”
“Same thing happened to me.” I nodded gravely. Now I knew he was on my side, affected too by a strange spell, and I only—
“Really? I guess that confirms it then.” He beamed at me, and suddenly my stomach felt heavy. “I took it as a sign that I should keep pushing to make this relationship work, and I guess I wasn’t wrong.”
“Actually, I do want to get away from you for a while!”
I stared at him wide-eyed. It had worked? It had finally worked! He looked at me sadly then, with a look that came to temper my ecstatic joy. “Oh. I thought maybe you’d given me a chance too. I thought maybe if I could get a week or so to show you how good we’d be together…”
I opened my mouth to protest, to insult him, to tell him he could shove his delusions where the Sun doesn’t shine. But as I was about to finally be done with this whole thing, I felt a chill numb my body. With panic, I tried struggling against the strings that were sinking into my very soul but to no avail. My scream died in my throat.
A bright, happy smile took the place of the scowl I wanted to offer. An embarrassed blush rose on my cheeks despite my heart pounding with horror.
“Listen, Flash,” I spoke despite myself, my voice perfectly even. “How about I give you until the end of the week to swoon me, and then we’ll see. Alright?”
An overjoyed grin lit up Flash’s face. “I promise you won’t regret it!”
The remainder of the trip was a spiral of horror where I tried desperately to pull and tug against the grasp of the strings that were pulling me. When at last we reached Applejack’s farm, my body calmly got off the horse and chatted amiably with my friend and Flash. The prison I was in didn’t even allow me to make a sign for her, and I had to endure a perfectly normal conversation between us three all the while I was filled with a terror that couldn’t come out.
Flash took out his guitar and serenaded me. I wanted to tear the strings out of his guitar and bash him over the head with it, but my hands were gently folded over my knees, and I laughed and cheered him on.
We said goodbye to each other. I couldn’t even stop myself from hugging Flash and wishing him a good evening. I even gave him a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to die.
My legs took me to my apartment with a joyous gait. My heart followed with heavy dread. I closed the door to my apartment with a content sigh.
I made my way to the bathroom. I was fully numb at that point.
I closed the door behind me and let out a shaky breath before turning to the mirror, where a bright, grinning Sunset awaited me. My hand reached for the soap and I started washing my hands. Little by little, my fingers curled and my fists balled against one another, all the tension of the day flooding into me at once, and when the soap had cleared from my hands, my fingernails had dug deep into the skin, and bright red blood was mixing in with the water. The soap made the wounds sting.
I looked back in the mirror. A ragged, panicked, miserable girl had replaced the happy, sunny Sunset that was there only a few seconds ago.
I wanted to vomit. I wanted to cry. But most of all, I wanted to hurt something. Anything. Fear had torn the sutured wounds of my past wide open, and the only ointment that worked to soothe them was to get back in control.
But in control I was not. Not anymore. A few hours ago, I’d wanted to tell Flash Sentry to go fuck himself, but instead, my will had been wrenched away from me, and forced me to accept to date him again. Worse even, I had been trapped inside my body, forced to watch as I was compelled to talk and laugh with him, and enjoy his stupid immature jokes. Even Applejack hadn’t noticed. I hadn’t even controlled my own body as I walked back home, else I probably would have thrown myself off a bridge.
My hands shook on the counter. The heat of rage mixed with the chill of fear in my heart. My hand found the porcelain horse, and its face found the bathroom mirror. The sound of glass shattering made my heart swell. The broken glass were a testament of victory. I had done that, all by myself.
“I AM NOT A PUPPET!” I shook and knew it wasn't true. Invisible strings were firmly hooked into my flesh, dragging me along for the ride. I was safe, for now, but if I dared try not dancing the dance…
I had no idea why whatever force was holding me in its grasp thought it so important I date Flash Sentry. I had no idea why it thought it was so important he date me.
I didn’t care either. All I wanted was to get out of there. Find something, anything to distract me from this situation.
I felt the cold glass between my fingers before I’d even realized I had moved. The feeling of something sharp against my wrist pulled me out of my thoughts.
My hand shook. It would be easy, so easy, to just drag the broken piece of the mirror against my flesh, to let pain replace my panic, to forget I wasn’t in control anymore.
Control, that was what I needed.
Control over my life. Control over myself.
My fingers tightened around the glass, and the shard broke in two, falling harmlessly around my wrist and falling to the ground with a soft clink.
I breathed in, and I breathed out, and every breath felt like smoke as filling my lungs.
I proceeded to pick up all of the broken pieces and put them together in a box destined for the landfill. In the end, I’d nicked the tip of my index finger, and there were six nail marks on my hands, but other than that, I was fine.
I was fine.
I was…
I slammed my fists on the counter, and the shards protested with a crystalline jingle.
How long did I stay hunched over that white counter, teetering between crying and finishing the job and destroying the entire bathroom? Too long, as the Sun had already vanished from the sky when I came out.
I’d brushed my hair as best I could without a mirror, cleaned myself and put on my pajamas, like it was only another night to another day. The only difference was that there was a box full of shattered mirror bits on the table. Two days ago, I was a happy schoolgirl, a hero of Canterlot High. I had friends who cared about me, and good grades, and everyone had forgiven me for my past sins.
Now, I was a panicked, frightened mess on the verge of slipping. Violence might forever be part of me, I realized. I simply had calmed down enough for my brain to stop instantly jumping to force when confronted with a problem.
The mirror shards glistened in the dim light hanging over the table. My hands balled into fists.
There was one solution to this problem. Tomorrow, I would finish this.
And I would not flee.
The next morning, I threw my alarm clock across the room, where it shattered against a wall. I let my fist fall next to me and breathed down my anger. Slowly, deeply. It didn’t matter how slow I was going anyway, it’s not like I was going to really go to school.
Oh, I was going to go to the school, all right. But I wasn’t going to school.
I emptied my fridge, making myself a bona fide all-you-can-eat buffet, and didn’t clean up after myself. On the way out, a metallic glint caught my eye, and I grabbed my baseball bat. I might need it. After all, how sad would it be if I were to get kidnapped in the middle of the street just minutes away from my goal?
And how unfortunate would it be, if something were to happen to Flash Sentry behind the school?
Oh I wasn’t going to kill him, not quite at least. Just break enough bones that it’d send a clear message.
My fingers tapped on the handle of the bat all through the bus ride. I caught the other passengers stealing glances at me. Who’s that girl with eyes of fury and a nasty baseball bat? They probably thought. I could have told them to mind their own business, but then again, getting into trouble wasn’t an option.
I jumped off the bus in front of the school and stomped my way into the schoolgrounds. Dozens of students were sitting on the steps, enjoying lunch and chatting with their friends.
The few students who were in the way hurried off before me. I didn’t even want to know how my face looked. I could feel it twisted into an angry snarl, but seeing their horrified looks as they got out of the way, I could only guess how nasty it must have been.
The mirror portal stood at its usual place in front of the school. A statue of a rearing horse loomed over it, teasing me.
Soon. Soon I would be home. I ignored the students waving at me and pressed on, determined. All I needed to do now was to find Flash, and—
“Sunset? Why weren’t you here this morning?”
Oh, you have got to be kidding me.
Flash Sentry was standing in front of the portal with my six other friends. Fluttershy stepped forward with that worried look that hooked you right in the heart and made you feel terrible no matter what you did or didn’t do. “We were really worried, we thought something had happened to you. Is everything alright?”
“I’m fine, everything’s fine!” I forced myself to smile, but I could tell they weren’t buying it. Applejack especially considered me carefully.
“I wouldn’t say you look ‘fine’, sugarcube,” she let out.
“There’s nothing to worry about, I just had a bad night’s sleep, but it’s nothing—”
A hand grabbed my shoulder gently, stopping my advance.
“Sunset.” Flash’s sappy, honeyed tone made my heart lurch with disgust. “What’s going on? You looked so happy yesterday.”
I took a deep breath, trying my best to stop the flood of rage from making me do something I’d regret.
“Seriously, Sunset, what’s wrong with you?” Rainbow Dash came to stand by Flash. “You’re acting really weird and angry recently, it’s… honestly pretty scary.”
“Yeah!” Pinkie Pie added as if she absolutely needed to pipe up every time someone was trying to speak. “And what’s with that bat?”
Everyone’s eyes fell on the bat, and on my white-knuckled fingers wrapped around its handle. And when they came back to me, their eyes were full of concern and fear.
“Sunset,” Applejack said, slowly, detaching every syllable like I was a stupid child, “let’s just calm down and go for a little walk together, okay? Sounds good, girls?”
A clamour of mob-like “yeah”s and “mhm”s sounded from the group. Did those girls share a hivemind or something?
“We’ll handle it, Flash.” Applejack nodded at him, and he slunk away with a sad glance at me. What a coward.
“You’re red.”
That was all Pinkie said, and it was all that was needed for me to start feeling like my skin was aflame with scorching hot flames. My hand was numb on the bat I was clutching it so hard, and I only realized I was shaking once Applejack pulled me into a hug.
“It’s okay.” She pulled my head against her shoulder, and I just stood there dumbly, not knowing what to do. “We’re here for you.”
The others joined in, pulling me into a group hug. I opened my mouth to speak, to tell them to fuck off, to let me go home, but as soon as I did, instead of letting out angry shouts and snarling yells, I choked on my tears and let out an ugly, shaky sob, and collapsed in my friends’ arms.
“I don’t want to go!” I cried, clutching Applejack’s jacket desperately.
“Go where?” She spoke gently, but I could hear the confusion in her voice.
In response, I turned to look at the portal. I could almost see Equestria in the glimmering sun that washed over it. A land from where I’d been exiled, shunned, and was willing to welcome me back with open hooves, to offer me a chance to make a new life for myself there. To take back control of my life, and be at peace with myself again.
But the arms around me reminded me of why I’d stayed in the first place. I could have gone home after I’d given up on villainy, but I had stayed. For my friends. In the year we’d been together, they had brought me nothing but happiness. It had hurt, it had been painful, and we may have gotten into disagreements and issues, but in the end, it had been worth it a thousand times over.
“The portal?” Fluttershy looked at me with worry. “Why do you want to take it back?”
The happiness I felt being surrounded by friends was dulled by the reminder of why I had refused to go back to Equestria in the first place. Why I still…
I still…
My nails dug into the bat’s handle.
“It won’t be long,” I said. ”I just need to go check on some things with Princess Twilight, and I’ll be right back.”
“You sure?” Applejack stepped forward, but I held my hand up.
“I’m sure. You six stay put here, and I’ll be back.”
“Promise?”
I smiled weakly at her. “You know I never take back my words.”
But even as I stepped toward the mirror, I clutched the baseball bat hard. That was my only way out. My only escape. The only thing that would separate me from my friends.
But even as my eyes fell on them, and my heart swelled with joy, I could feel the invisible strings that had pulled at me and robbed me from myself. The hand that had dragged me by the ear like a misbehaving child. It wasn’t there, but I could feel its presence like a shadow upon us.
One moment, I was looking at my friends, and the next, their faces were blurred behind the foggy glass of the mirror.
And I was home. Four hooves fell on the ground, a silky yellow-and-red mane fell around my head and neck, my tail unfurled behind me.
The baseball bat fell beside me.
My horn shone and buzzed with magic. And the last thing I saw of my friends were their hopeful faces before their smiles exploded in mirror shards under the bat.
It didn’t take long for Twilight to come galloping at me.
“Sunset!” She threw herself at me, pulled me into a hug, and I just stared blankly at the shattered portal. “What happened here?!”
My mouth opened and closed wordlessly, nothing wanting to come out of my throat.
“Sunset?”
I blinked and slowly turned to Twilight. I couldn’t see my face, but I could guess it looked terrifying, with the shocked look Twilight offered. “I think… I just broke up with my boyfriend.”
And even as speaking the words lifted a great weight from my heart, I collapsed and cried in the hooves of the only friend I had left.
