How I Fell In Love With A Pony

I have a little brother. I would end the chapter there, and let you figure out the rest by just reading the title and that one utterance. But since this forum, and all others like it, demands that I write more than that (and I demand it of myself), I’ll tell you more. He was one of those people that you meet and his personality sparkles. He can be a very avid little social butterfly when he wants to be. But then, you begin digging deeper into his life and you find that he’s actually very quiet…ANNOYINGLY quiet. He would shut himself in his room, and not come out even if the house itself were to catch fire. It could burn down around him, with the rafters coming down in a shambles and the sheetrock turning to ash, and he’d still sit in his chair, at his desk, either playing the latest soccer related video game or jamming out on an acoustic guitar until God knows how early in the morning.

But he was also very devious. The quiet people, I’ve begun to notice, are catalysts for the insane and the depraved. They sit there, minding their own business, and then they cause some irreparable damage to something. It seems like a lot of news stories begin with “the cause of this was a human being whom authorities say did not speak much.” I mean, I consider myself a rather quiet individual, but I would never consider harming another person! Come on! We quiet folks have to have more sense than that!

But, I’m rambling. My brother, Chad, would do things to try and upend my life. But this…was the topper. The ultimate prank. The gunshot to the final foothold that our siblingship was desperately clinging to. To this day, I still can’t believe he did it, but he went online and posted everywhere about how I was dating the ruler of Equestria. Since the rumors of that land actually existing had been bubbling in the scientific underworld for quite some time, it quickly blew up. It was shared hundreds of thousands of times, and the picture he had secretly taken of us and posted garnered millions of hits.

“CHAD!” I screamed in a rage after nearly breaking the door to his room, “HOW COULD YOU?!”

He smirked. “This is for all the times Sarah was over and you wouldn’t leave us alone.”

I sighed as I felt the edge taken off my anger. Sarah was Chad’s significant other, and it had become common knowledge that I was envious of them. Since I had never been in a relationship before Twilight, I had often looked at them with a pained expression. I wondered what it would be like to be able to be that close to a girl. I became angry and frustrated with my life, and so I decided to make their time together as miserable as possible. I would blare Slayer from my room whenever she was over, and I would try and pester them by being as noisy as possible. Now that I look back at it, it was an incredibly immature and disrespectful response, but in those moments, my envy devoured my common sense.

“Look,” I said as I tried to calm myself, “I’m sorry for that, alright? But Twilight’s new to this world, and she can’t be answering to the press just yet!”

“Okay, in my defense, I did not plan on the entire news world parking on our front lawn this morning!”

“No, but you need to think of these things before you go wildly posting about on the internet!”

I stormed out of the room, fit to be tied. I could not believe that Chad would just blatantly violate Twilight and I’s privacy like that. The last thing I wanted was for us to become celebrities or famous. I just wanted a nice, wonderful romance that was special because only a few people knew about it. I didn’t want the entire world to be let in on what we were doing. Next thing I know, they’ll be covering what Twilight had to eat for breakfast! I thought in frustration as I hurried back to the guest room.

When I arrived, it was oddly empty. I couldn’t find Twilight anywhere, so I left there and went out to our front porch. Once there, I found the Princess regally standing before the mob of reporters and photographers that had decided to plant themselves on our front lawn, much like the massive amounts of roses in my mother’s flowerbed.

“Yes, I’ll take your question first,” Twilight said, pointing to a reporter in a wide brimmed hat.

“Charles Peterson, ABC Television,” he replied, “is it true that you are, in fact, a pony and the leader of a magical land of talking ponies called Equestria?”

“Yes, it is,” Twilight said with complete confidence. Her eyes sparkled in the morning sun, and she seemed genuinely excited to field all of the inquiries. I felt my frustration begin to fade, replaced by the warm glow she exuded. She had obviously dealt with this kind of thing before, even though they had no television in Equestria and everything was done via newspaper. The cameras were focused directly on her, and she smiled into the lenses. She’s got this, I thought, there’s nothing to worry about.

She quickly pointed to another reporter and she stood up. “Erin Johansson, NBC News,” she said, “some sources have said that your land is built upon something called The Elements of Harmony. Do they exist and, if so, how does that affect Equestrian politics?”

“They are very real,” Twilight said, “and they affect everything in Equestria. From how we treat each other to different royal celebrations. Each Element has a specific purpose in driving the wheels of friendship and trust, and we are deeply honored and privileged to be able to continue the longstanding tradition held within them.”

She spoke with eloquence and dignity, so much so that it nearly drove me to tears. Her voice was smooth as silk, yet had the same thunderous edge that it always had. It bequeathed her with a sense of sovereignty, but it did not put her out of reach of anything or anyone. She was extremely personable for being royal, which was one of the many things I loved about her. I just continued to be reminded of my love for her and why I had begun having these feelings in the first place.

Suddenly, a hand shot up from the back of the crowd. “Yes, you there?” Twilight asked.

“I don’t have a question!” A rough female voice shouted, “I have a statement!”

She sounded intensely angry, and Twilight was taken aback a bit. But she quickly regained her confidence and looked her assailant dead in the eye. “Yes, if you have a statement, I’d be very happy to hear it.”

“My name is Stephanie Jones,” the young woman replied, “and I am a proud feminist and animal rights supporter! I am a member of PETA! My statement is that this is all wrong! It is bestiality, it’s depraved, and it’s sickening! Not to mention the fact that it’s 2019, and women no longer need men in their lives! Stop sucking off of him and come running to the pure fold of our shared sisterhood!”

I looked at Twilight. She appeared to be deep in thought, and I could tell that these accusations were testing her extremely. But she straightened up and quickly regained her confident look. You’ve got this, I silently told her, and I’m with you all the way. Come on, my love, make this happen. She looked up at the verbal attacker and opened her mouth to reply.

“Ms. Jones,” she began, “I-“

To be continued…