Another Friday afternoon in the office. The seconds ticked by agonizingly slowly as my boss droned on. Why had he scheduled a meeting at 4PM on a Friday afternoon? No one was paying attention, and we were all counting down the minutes until quitting time. Fifteen more minutes until freedom.
“Jones.”
I looked up as my boss called my name. “Yes?”
“You’re going to be our rep at the trade fair this year.”
What trade conference? How long was I zoned out planning my weekend? “Of course.” I nodded. Internally I was groaning. Now I’d have to waste part of my evening making travel arrangements.
My boss promised to send an email to me with the relevant schedule of events, and the meeting concluded. After a quick stop back at my cubicle to grab my laptop, I walked down a few flights of stairs to the parking lot. I idled my car, letting the engine warm up as I pondered dinner options. Friday afternoon traffic was atrocious, and I’d long ago learned it was a far better use of my time to get dinner first, and drive home later.
Chinese? There was a place within walking distance. But I’d already started the car. Pizza? I’d had a couple of slices for lunch. A quick check of the traffic indicated I had plenty of time to kill before I’d be able to get out of the city, so I decided on a steakhouse a few blocks away. If I hurried, I might even be able to get a parking spot.
I set up my laptop as I waited for my meal to be served, and decided to get the travel arrangements out of the way so I could enjoy my weekend. I pulled up Travelocity and booked a flight into Newark Liberty and then set my sights to finding a hotel room somewhere in the New York City metro area that would come in under my reimbursable travel allowance per night. Something that hit the sweet spot between amenities provided by a five-star hotel, and the price of a Motel 6. My eyes caught an ad for the Marriott in Little Falls for $150/night. I jumped on it, chuckling when I noticed the name was misspelled ‘Mareiott’. As a bonus they’d even pick me up from the airport, so there was no need for a rental car. It would be far easier to take a bus or train into the city, anyway. That was the easiest travel booking I’d ever made. My food hadn’t even arrived yet. I took a gulp of my soda, and thought nothing more of it after the confirmation email came in.
The flight into New Jersey was uneventful, and I picked up my luggage from the baggage carousel. I prefer taking only carry-on baggage when traveling, but the company required me to take things with me, and who was I to argue when they were picking up the tab on my company credit card?
Once outside, I made my way through the line of courtesy vans and limousines looking for the Marriott’s. Instead, I found an ancient Checker taxi with a brightly-colored little pony holding up a sign with my name plastered on it. My cheeks flushed red at the thought of having my name associated with something so cute. It was only then that I noticed the name on the taxi’s door: Mareiott. Mares were female horses. It wasn’t a typo. It was a horrible pun. How had they not been sued into oblivion by Marriott?
“Hi there!”
I looked down at the pony. She was about the size of a Great Dane, with a pastel blue coat and pink hair. And a horn. Okay, a talking, rainbow-colored miniature pony is weird enough, but a talking, pastel miniature unicorn?
“I’m Snowcatcher!”
I blinked. She was still talking. She was a still a unicorn. I hadn’t been willing to spring for the airline’s overpriced alcohol, so I was fairly certain I was sober. Besides, aren’t pink elephants what drunkards see, not blue unicorns? All joking aside, I’d heard of ponies, and even seen a few, but I’d very intentionally gone out of my way to avoid interacting with them. Now there was no way to avoid the inevitable.
I wanted to scream ‘there must be some kind of mistake’ but I had noticed the spelling discrepancy when making the reservation. I could blame no one but myself for that. Well, I could certainly blame whoever owns the hotel for naming it similarly to an existing competitor in order to promote confusion, and I made a mental note to do that later. But right now, this little pony was my ride. I sighed and bent down to her level so she wouldn’t have to crane her neck up at me. “Nice to meet you,” I lied. “I’ve only got one bag. If you’ll pop the trunk, I’ll toss it in and we can get going. Do you want me to drive?”
She flicked her tail in annoyance. “I’m not a foal.” Her horn glowed with an orchid tint and the Checker’s trunk popped open. My suitcase was levitated into the back of the cab and the rear door opened in front of me. She huffed as she opened the driver door. I watched as she hopped onto the massive seat, then tucked her rear legs under her body, leaning her forelegs onto the steering wheel. Resigned to my fate, I also got in the cab. Her horn glowed and both our car doors shut. I watched, fascinated, as she drove the vintage car. She worked the steering wheel with her hooves, while using her magic to press the pedals. Indignation about being treated like a child aside, the fact she was using a booster seat to see over the wheel didn’t help her case. The ride back to the hotel was in silence, my unintended insult shutting up the previously happy pony entirely.
Little Falls turned out to be suburban sprawl, which wasn’t particularly surprising considering it was a mere fifteen miles from New York City. We turned into the hotel’s parking lot and the building came into view. Calling it a hotel would be generous. It was a nineteenth century mansion that had been renovated at some point in the recent past. Assuming your idea of ‘recent’ was ‘the 1960s’.
Snowcatcher shut the car off and ushered me into the so-called hotel, bringing my luggage along in her telekinetic grip. She checked me in, personally, speaking to me for the first time since the airport, then escorted me to my room. I had room #16, and if had to hazard a guess from the size of the hotel, there was no #17. Frankly, I’m amazed they even got sixteen rooms into this old mansion.
I reached into my wallet and pulled out a ten-dollar bill, knowing that the gratuity would be covered by my employer, but hoping it would smooth things over with the little unicorn. She took it in her magic and looked at it. “What’s this for?”
“A tip for bringing my bags to my room.” She nodded and slipped the currency into her saddlebags. At this point I was expecting her to leave my room and let me settle in. I kept waiting. Instead my bag opened and she started putting everything away. My clothes were hung in the closet or put into the dresser, my electronics moved to the table, and my toiletries taken into the bathroom. Once everything was sorted, she flopped onto the bed. I quirked an eyebrow as I felt my shirt being unbuttoned by her magic. She patted the bed beside her and I hesitantly sat down, on the opposite side of the bed.
“Lay down on your stomach.” She tugged my shirt off as I complied with her request. I felt her climb on top of me. No, she was standing on me. What on Earth is she doing? It was then that her hooves started massaging my sore muscles. The discomfort of there’s a horse standing on my back gave way to the pleasure of a massage. I felt all the aches and pains melt away as she continued working her way up my back to my shoulders.
Even though I hadn’t been expecting a massage, I was disappointed when it was over. I sat up and put my shirt back on. “What was that for?”
“Did you not like it?” Her eyes turned towards the floor. “I’m sorry, I’m still very inexperienced with humans as opposed to ponies.”
I waved a hand, dismissively. “I loved it. I just wasn’t expecting it. That’s not normally a service one gets a hotel.”
She giggled. Her laugh was as adorable as she was. “Oh, that’s only because you’ve never stayed in an Equestrian hotel before. You’re on vacation, and while you’re here you’ll be treated like royalty.”
“I’m not really on vacation. This is a business trip. I live a thousand miles away from here, and I’m visiting because there’s a big trade show in New York City and I’m in charge of representing my employer.”
“In that case, it’s even more important for you to be as relaxed as possible. May I have your itinerary please?” I handed it to her and she disappeared out the door. I shrugged and turned the television on.
At some point I must’ve passed out asleep, but the TV had been turned off. More confusing than that was even though I was now awake, I could still hear snoring. I opened my eyes and when they finally adjusted to the dark, I could see Snowcatcher curled up asleep next to me. I rolled onto my back, yawned, and closed my eyes. It was no more bizarre than anything else she’d done so far. I’d have to explain the concept of ‘personal space’ to her in the morning.
When I next woke up, light was streaming through the window and Snowcatcher was gone. There was, however, a cat curled up on the bed next to me. I must’ve confused the feline for the pony in the dark. I scratched the kitty behind the ears and he purred. The door to the room opened and Snowcatcher strolled in, setting a tray over my stomach. “Breakfast in bed is served.” There was an assortment of breakfast foods: pancakes, cereal, doughnuts, pastries, milk, and juice. There was no bacon, however, and I remembered that horses were herbivorous. I guess that applied to little pastel unicorns too.
I excused myself to go shower and when I returned the remnants of breakfast had been cleaned up. Snowcatcher was rubbing her kitty’s belly, and he was purring contentedly. “Can you run me down to the train station?”
“Why?”
“So I can catch the next train into the city. I need to be there by nine.”
She looked at the clock. “It’s barely past seven.”
“No sense being late.”
“You won’t be late.” She levitated my itinerary in front of her. “For anything. We’ll leave at a quarter to nine.”
I blinked. I worked my jaw up and down a few times, but nothing came out. Fifteen minutes to go fifteen miles. On an interstate highway? No problem. In the New York City metro area on a Monday morning? Not a chance. And certainly not in a car so old it was more useful as a movie prop, as opposed to transportation.
As if sensing my disbelief, she disappeared. I mean that literally. One minute she was standing there and the next she was gone. I walked over to the now empty space, completely bewildered. There’d been no fire, so she hadn’t spontaneously combusted. There was nothing solid to run into, so she hadn’t turned invisible. She was just gone.
She coughed, drawing my attention to the other side of the room. “Teleportation magic.” Her horn glowed and she disappeared again, reappearing a split second later directly in front of me. “I timed it last night. We can do it in about ten minutes. Sorry for having run out on you last night, but I can’t teleport anywhere I haven’t been. I need a reference point. And preferably a nice, empty place to wink into. Recoil isn’t fun…”
“How do you do that?”
“It’s a simple spell, really. Any unicorn can do it, but it takes a lot of energy to pull off so most use it sparingly. But that’s mostly because a lot of unicorns don’t experiment with it and find their limits. Once you know where your limits are, you just have to be careful not to exceed them. And from that point on, it’s a simple spell. The problem is, a lot of ponies push themselves too far one time, find themselves flat on their back with a massive headache, and then get cold hooves and never try the spell ever again thinking it’s too dangerous. Completely forgetting they’d done it successfully previously. It does help to have generous reserves of mana though.” She rubbed her chest with a hoof. “First in my class at Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns.”
That probably meant something in her home world. “First in class is impressive. Valedictorian?”
She nodded absently, reminiscing. Probably reevaluating her life choices, wondering how she ended up working in a hotel on Earth.
“But there’s always a bigger fish.” She gave me a sad little half-smile. “I’m good. I’m significantly better than average. But I’m no Twilight Sparkle or Starlight Glimmer. There’s nothing for me in Equestria, so I figured I’d try making a name for myself here. I thought maybe I could be the big fish in a different pond. It didn’t quite work out how I thought it would.”
Drifting aimlessly. Lost without knowing where to look next. Boy, do I know that feeling well. I did the only thing I could do. I hugged her. “The grass is always greener on the other side. I bet all the humans who rushed to move to Equestria feel the same way as you do.” She nodded. “So why don’t you go back?”
“Can’t.”
“Why not?”
“There’s only one way in or out of Equestria right now. They’re working on that, but at the moment there’s a lot of traffic going through in each direction. Goods being traded. Ponies and people passing through. It doesn’t matter which side you’re from and which side you’re going to, you sign an agreement not to return for at least five years. We can’t even go home for the holidays. I’ve got four years, three months, and twenty-seven days left.” She added, sarcastically, “Not that I’m counting.”
I was still hugging her. She made no move to break the embrace, so I continued to hold her for a while. I could feel the beat of her heart against my chest. I could feel the soft hairs of her coat tickling my arms. I could smell the raspberry scent of her shampoo. She nuzzled me and stood up. It was time to get going.
She helped tie my tie, and then we set off. With a flash of light from her horn we were a mile away, on the roof of a building in Little Falls’ downtown. Another flash, another roof in another town entirely. Each successive jump was to a different town, but towns in North Jersey are packed together like sardines. So much so it wouldn’t surprise me in the least if we skipped over some towns entirely.
“Forgive me for all the little jumps. I could do the whole thing at once, but then I’d be knocked out for at least the next two hours.”
“That’s still impressive. Way faster than the train.” She beamed at the compliment. “But why are we on the roof?”
“No one ever goes up to the roofs of most buildings. It’s a great way to ensure you don’t inadvertently wink into somepony by accident.”
Eventually we winked into Jersey City. The next jump was to Liberty Island. My camera materialized in my hands and Snowcatcher said, “We’ve still got five minutes before nine. Just because you’re here for business doesn’t mean you can’t see a few sights on the way in and out. Also, take the pictures fast, because the National Park Service really doesn’t like it when ponies wink in. Especially when we do this.” Suddenly we were standing on Lady Liberty’s crown. Specifically, on the outside of the crown. I’m glad I’m not scared of heights. The photo op was fantastic. Three hops later we were at the convention center, with a full minute to spare.
I spent the day connecting with clients and vendors, and scoping out the competition’s newest offerings. Snowcatcher, meanwhile, wandered around the convention center. Every time I needed to be somewhere, she was there to make sure I got there when I needed to be there. At some point she’d hit the manufacturer’s midway and picked up one of every free sample they were giving out. That saved me from a bunch of unwanted sales pitches. Granted, it was mostly the usual; three dozen pens, some squeezable stress toys, and assorted other knickknacks plastered with company logos. And of course, promotional materials. If I stacked all the catalogs together, they’d probably be thicker than the local phone book. Considering my current location was New York City, that was no small feat.
“How many boring sales pitches did you have to suffer through?”
“None.”
“You have to teach me your trick.”
“I just switched to my native language.” She followed that with a few sentences in the pony language, followed by another paragraph so thickly accented I could only make out random words. Considering she’d been speaking to me in a nasally New York/New Jersey accent since picking me up from the airport, I was taken aback. Then she imitated my own Southern drawl almost flawlessly, even getting ‘all y’all’ correct as the plural form of y’all.
She must’ve seen my jaw drop. “It’s a requirement for ponies traveling here to learn the most common Earth languages, especially for the areas where they’re traveling. I’m fluent in English, French, Spanish, Mandarin, and German.” She chuckled. “I wanted to get the regional accents too. I’m a bit of an overachiever. First in my class, remember?”
I nodded. How had this pony ended up working in a hotel on Earth? Even if there were more powerful mages than her, she had to be qualified for a decent job in her homeland. She was obviously both intelligent and highly-skilled. Why was she wasting her talents? “Well, I survived day one, all thanks to you.”
She blushed and it was adorable. If she kept being this adorable, the word was going to lose all meaning to me. I took another look at her and was strangely okay with that.
“We should get going.” I nodded in agreement and before my head stopped bobbing I found myself in front of the Empire State Building. As before, my camera had materialized in my hand. I took some shots of the exterior and was immediately whisked away to the Chrysler Building, then the Woolworth Building, and the new towers at Hudson Yards. We winked to a number of skyscrapers of interest before ultimately stopping for dinner at a pizzeria.
I’d skipped lunch, instead snacking on some fruit Snowcatcher insisted I eat if I wouldn’t sit down for a proper meal. As tasty as they had been, a pair of apples wasn’t enough to satiate my hunger. And with a couple of hours spent touring the best architecture New York had to offer, I’d worked up an appetite.
Rather than try to agree on toppings, we ordered a simple extra cheese pizza. Of course, when it comes to New York-style pizza, there’s nothing simple about a 24” pie. The thing was massive. Snowcatcher levitated a slice in the air, delicately breaking off gooey strands of cheese with her magic. She then bent the pizza in half and started eating it folded over.
I mimicked her actions, sans magic of course. Of course fingers have their own perks, and soon I was enjoying pizza as it was intended to be eaten, not like the dreck served down my way. You want good barbeque? Take your pick: Carolina, Memphis, or Texas. Whatever your preference, the South has you covered. You want good pizza? Not so much.
Somehow, I figured barbeque might not be up Snowcatcher’s alley. In theory, I’m sure there must be some sort of vegetarian BBQ option. I’ve just never encountered one, personally. Not that I’d really been looking for one. Besides, any barbeque pit around here that could hold a candle to the ones back home would no doubt be run by a transplanted Southerner.
But good pizza? This was almost worth all the stares I was getting from the other patrons of the establishment. Ponies weren’t that uncommon, especially not in the major cities. There was really no reason people should still be staring at us. Tongue in cheek, I dismissed them as tourists, knowing full well that up until yesterday I’d probably be gawking right along with them.
I took a few things away from that dinner. Not the least of which was a box filled with the four slices the two of us hadn’t managed to eat. I also decided that magic is totally cheating. Snowcatcher kept all the grease firmly inside her pizza, while mine ran right out the back of the crust. Or dripped from the front of it. No matter which way I held the pizza, it dripped all over my hands, the plate, and even the table. Oh well, to quote Carl’s Jr.’s old advertising slogan, If it doesn't get all over the place, it doesn't belong in your face. It was delicious, and that’s all that mattered.
We skipped Liberty Island on the way home, Snowcatcher opting instead to showcase Ellis Island. At some point in the past, odds were good that some of my ancestors passed through here on their way to a new life. I had no point of reference, personally, but my tour guide certainly did. “You’ve been through something like this. What’s it like?”
“Exciting, disorienting, terrifying. There’s the anticipation of finally arriving and finding a place to truly call home. But it’s terrifying leaving everything and everypony you know behind. Sure, it’s a fresh start, but it’s simultaneously starting with nothing.”
“And you still haven’t figured out what you want to be when you grow up.”
She sighed. “That too.”
There was no time to prod her further as we winked off the island and onto the Jersey Palisades. The rest of the jumps were quick to discourage conversation, and we returned to the hotel. No sooner had we returned to the room then she disappeared, winking off to who knows where.
I turned the TV on and watched in silence, relishing the peace and quiet. Between the trade show and all the sightseeing, I’d been on my feet the whole day. It felt good to just sit and relax in solitude. Like the previous night, sleep claimed me early and unintentionally.
Normally, waking up to a horse’s face in your bed is a good indicator of one of three things. The worst case scenario is you’ve majorly ticked off the Mafia. The best case scenario is you’re waking up three days after a frat party with no memory of the interim. The third possibility is you live in Kentucky and this is a daily occurrence. I suppose as ponies integrate into human society and people integrate into Equestrian society that will change in time. Sooner or later a person and a pony are going to fall in love and they’ll break the species barrier. I pondered if ponies were considered ‘human’ or ‘livestock’ under current laws as I watched Snowcatcher’s chest rise and fall. Despite all rational logic, the mare managed to be even cuter while sleeping. It would be cuter still if she wasn’t sleeping in my bed. Instead, it was borderline creepy.
Cute or not, creepy or not, I didn’t want to move and inadvertently wake her up. She’d used a lot of energy the day before, zapping us around from place to place. She’d earned her rest and relaxation, probably more than I had. Besides, selfishly, my life was in her hooves, and I wanted her well rested if she was going to be teleporting us again.
The room slowly brightened as dawn continued breaking, and eventually Snowcatcher’s eyes flew open as the first rays of light danced across her face. She blushed, stammered an apology for not having breakfast ready for me, and then winked out of the room entirely. I took advantage of the rare moment of solitude to shower and change.
When I emerged from the bathroom, breakfast was waiting. French toast, pancakes, croissants, milk, and Sweet Apple Acres brand apple juice. Snowcatcher sat next to me, munching on an apple. We ate in silence, the awkwardness between us overwhelming. I’ve always been pretty good at breaking things, so I added ‘the silence’ to the list of things I’d destroyed over the years. “I’m not really a people person. And I kinda get the feeling you’re not exactly a people pony, either.”
She sighed. “Not as such, no. I was a bit of a loner through school. I always thought I could do better on my own. And for the most part, I did.”
I nodded. “Same here. So how in the world did you get into customer service?”
“Lack of other available options. Believe me, this wasn’t my first choice.”
I could believe that. It wouldn’t have been my first choice, either. Then again, I’d managed to fall into a career that most definitely wasn’t anything nine-year-old me would have been proud of on career day. Still, it paid the bills, and likely Snowcatcher’s job did the same. “What was?”
“Arctic explorer.” That seemed oddly appropriate for a pony with a snowflake comprised of hearts permanently etched on her butt. “Unfortunately, I lack the needed credentials and I can’t afford to go to college here. Besides, by the time I graduate it would be time to go back.”
“So you plan on going back?”
“Probably. I don’t know.” She shrugged. “There’s nothing for me in Equestria, but there’s nothing for me on Earth, either. My family and most of my friends are there, and I’m here. If I can’t do what I want to, I may as well not do it amongst friends.”
“So how’d you end up working for the Mareiott, anyway?”
“I needed a place to live, so I pooled my resources with some friends and we bought this place. It’s a big house, and ponies are relatively small. So there’s plenty of room to rent out to others…”
I had yet to see any other guests, or for that matter, any other ponies. “How’s that going for you?”
“Slowly. Mostly we get the curious, the confused, and families with small children who think we’re pets for their amusement. And of course a few pony travelers, but there aren’t many of them just yet.”
I raised my hand. “Confusion.”
She snickered. “Thought we were the Marriott, did you?” I nodded and she continued, “That wasn’t intentional, but we get about a third of our business that way. Ponies like puns. But based on feedback from prior guests, we can probably expect Marriott to threaten us with a cease and desist eventually. If they sue us, they’ll win on trademark grounds and we’ll all go back to Equestria with our tails tucked between our legs.”
“The bad publicity from suing you would cost them more in business than just ignoring you would. Not to mention it could start an interdimensional incident between our nations. When they find out, they’ll make some noise to protect their trademark, but if you change your hotel’s name the situation will resolve itself. Or you could be proactive and change it before they take action.”
“We can’t afford to lose that business. Nor do we want to lose your demographic.” She opened the door and I looked down the hall. An orange pony with a bumblebee symbol on her flank was parading up and down the hallway with a three-year-old girl clinging to her back and shrieking in joy. Her five-year-old brother was walking alongside the frazzled earth pony and clinging to her yellow, orange, and pink mane, pulling the poor mare’s hair periodically.
Snowcatcher stayed out of sight behind the door. “Don’t let them see me. It’s Honeybuzz’s turn to occupy the kids.”
It was a testament to how well-built the old mansion was that I hadn’t heard the clopping of Honeybuzz’s hooves or the screaming of the kids until the door was open. And the revelation of a beekeeping pony explained the apiary in the backyard. “I’m starting to see why you teleport everywhere.”
She nodded. “Speaking of which. We should probably get going.”
We took a different route this time, avoiding both Ellis and Liberty Islands, and instead crossing the George Washington Bridge, conveniently avoiding the $15.00 toll charged to motorists. Day two of the trade fair was more of the same. Today was my day to man the booth and hand out all our promotional materials and freebies.
I hadn’t even looked at what we were giving away the day before and was pleasantly surprised to find out we’d had our logo printed on golf balls for this year’s show. Even accounting for the attrition these were likely to take in sand traps and water hazards, it was a marketing coup. Most executives enjoyed spending time on the links. I didn’t, personally, but I wasn’t an executive so it only mattered on the rare occasions when I’d get dragged into a round when the higher-ups needed a fourth. The hard part wasn’t losing, the hard part was being competent enough at golf to make it look like they were barely beating me. The last time my friends roped me into a game of miniature golf, I was so far behind the others I didn’t even bother retrieving my ball when I lost it on the 13th hole’s water hazard, instead conceding defeat.
I spent the morning passing out golf balls and pamphlets, while spouting corporate rhetoric touting our latest innovations that could be summed up as, ‘Buy our stuff and invest in us.’ Snowcatcher didn’t stray far from the booth, assisting me in passing out promo material. Having a magical unicorn on hand turned out to be a bigger draw than I would’ve expected. If the general public were allowed into the trade fair, I could understand Snowcatcher being a hit with little kids. But the vast majority of the show was comprised of middle aged males. Apparently, even businessmen can put aside professionalism to watch a living, breathing unicorn pass out pamphlets with honest-to-goodness magic. Pity there’s no bonus for passing out the most flyers, or I’d have won that hands down. Well, hooves down.
One of my coworkers came to relieve me at 12:30, and no sooner had he taken over the booth than I was standing outside, three blocks away. New York’s known for their food carts, and I was in line for a hot dog vendor. The line was fairly long, but moved fast. Since I was in New York, I opted for a hot dog New York style, which turned out to be smothered with sauerkraut, spicy brown mustard, and onions, while Snowcatcher chose a sweet potato knish and a carrot dog. I quirked an eyebrow at the latter when she placed her order.
“Hey, I cater to the market. Ponies want carrot dogs; I sell carrot dogs.” He rubbed a fist on his chest as he proclaimed, “I was the first vendor in the city to offer Equestrian cuisine. Up until then, ponies had to make do with whatever vegetarian options they could find. Now, they can have a little slice of home just like everybody else.”
Snowcatcher nodded as she squirted spicy brown mustard on her carrot dog. “And we appreciate it. This is the number one destination for food in New York City as ranked by equines. Ponies tend to be creatures of habit, so by being first he’s developed a fiercely loyal clientele.”
A five-star hot dog cart. Well, if it was going to happen anywhere, it would happen here. I’m not really the biggest fan of hot dogs, but this was the first meat I’d had in several days and I savored the scent as it was handed to me. I noticed Snowcatcher had wandered a slight way off, so as not to watch my carnivorous ways. As a result, I inhaled the hot dog faster than I normally would have and decided that forsaking meat for the rest of the week wouldn’t be the end of the world. “I’ll, uh, I’ll take a carrot dog too. Same way she had it.”
“That’s the spirit!” The hot dog vendor quickly filled my order with a steaming hot carrot dog.
The soft, buttery carrot was covered with a generous helping of onions and sweet peppers. I added a few squirts of mustard, just as my unicorn friend had done. Snowcatcher’s expression brightened as she made her way back towards me. I took my time eating the carrot dog, which was better than I would’ve expected. It was likely only a matter of time before ponies opened their own ethnic restaurant in the city.
We had some time to kill, so instead of winking back to the trade fair, we enjoyed some fresh early spring air as we walked the three blocks back to the convention center. Well, as fresh as city air can be, anyway. The scents carried on the wind ranged from freshly baked bagels to trash in dire need of collection from overflowing dumpsters, not to mention the various colognes, perfumes, and cigarette smoke of passersby. The clip clop of her hooves hitting the sidewalk attracted a few curious bystanders, but for the most part it was drowned out by the other sounds of the city. You know, buses idling, shouting, car horns, etc.
We returned to my company’s booth, where the golf balls remained in high demand among attendees. Even more so, once Snowcatcher projected her magic to simulate a golf course. At some point, someone had found golf clubs, and people lined up to take swings into the virtual links. Snowcatcher caught the ball with her magical aura immediately upon impact, but then plotted the course of the ball into that pretend landscape. Most duffers managed to make it onto the fairway or even the green, but a few unlucky individuals landed in bunkers, and one individual with a particularly nasty slice who shan’t be named, but may or may not be me, managed to hit a virtual BMW in the virtual parking lot. My virtual insurance agent, er, I mean his virtual insurance agent isn’t very happy with him.
“I’ve never seen 3D virtual reality done this well before. What video game is this?”
“It’s not a video game. It’s not even technology. It’s magic.”
By this point we’d attracted a large number of people to the vicinity of our booth. My boss would be pleased with this if not for one glaring problem. No one was talking about our company or what we offered. Everyone was more interested in golfing in a VR world created by unicorn magic. Unfortunately, we weren’t in the business of selling golf accessories, virtual reality, or unicorns. Though if Snowcatcher was truly interested in a career change, she’d have no shortage of offers after this little demonstration.
As if sensing my internal dread, Snowcatcher abruptly ended the virtual golf course projection and took advantage of our captive, yet captivated audience. She projected our company logo, followed by a series of images conveniently pilfered from our product catalog. The little sneak must’ve been studying it in her downtime. She might not know what any of it meant, but it was impressive that she’d managed to imitate the pamphlet so perfectly. Is there anything unicorns can’t do? Unfortunately, she was still doing a better job to sell herself than the company she was trying to represent, but she earned an ‘A’ for effort. I couldn’t help but wonder how many of these execs were going to immediately go out and hire a unicorn of their own.
As the crowd lost interest and dispersed, I once more pondered why a mare of her talents was squandering them working at a hotel. With what she’d just demonstrated, there were dozens of companies out there where she could just march right in, demonstrate her abilities, name a salary, and they’d hire her on the spot. Either she didn’t realize it, or she hadn’t tried marketing herself to them for one reason or another.
Day two of the trade show ended without fanfare, though it was probably safe to say we’d been the hit of the show so far. Apparently stopping atop the George Washington Bridge on the way into the city was a preview of things to come. Our tour picked up where it had left off, and Snowcatcher winked me to all of the major bridges in New York City. The Queensboro Bridge, the Bayonne Bridge, the Verrazzano-Narrows Bridge, the Manhattan Bridge, the Williamsburg Bridge, and of course the Brooklyn Bridge were all part of the tour, as well as a bunch of others that I didn’t recognize, nor can I remember the names of. Surprisingly, we even went well out of our way to see the new Tappan Zee Bridge, miles north of Manhattan. I’d never realized just how many bridges there were in the New York metropolitan area. It makes sense, considering how much of the city is built on islands. But pop culture would have you believe there’s only the Brooklyn Bridge and the George Washington.
After taking pictures, we winked to the nearby Palisades Center. A massive shopping mall, it mostly featured stores I could visit back home like Target, and stores I wouldn’t be caught dead in, like Abercrombie & Fitch. It also boasted a movie theater, a Ferris wheel, a carousel, a bowling alley, and an ice skating rink.
I got the feeling this stop was more for her than it was for me, but I humored her. We rode the Ferris wheel while discussing the various dinner options provided by the mall. We settled on the Cheesecake Factory. ‘Settled’ is perhaps the wrong word since we both blurted it out simultaneously as our first choice.
But first she insisted on riding the carousel. I broke out my cell phone and took video, the sight of a horse riding a horse being too humorous to ignore. And I don’t want to even think about how many calories were likely in my meal at the Cheesecake Factory. I mean, how do you go there and not get cheesecake?
We don’t have much in the way of ice skating down my way, so I wasn’t particularly interested in falling on my butt repeatedly while trying to learn how to skate. Likewise, my bowling game is even worse than my golf game. Yes, that’s possible. So for entertainment, that only left seeing a movie. Unlike dinner, we were unable to come to terms on a movie selection. She was only interested in seeing G-rated films that I had no desire to watch.
Instead we winked out and materialized in the town of Nanuet. There was just enough time for her to tell me the town’s name before we disappeared and reappeared in another town, back on the New Jersey side of the border. With the exception of Ho-Ho-Kus, because that one’s as forgettable as Walla Walla, I lost track of the town names after that, and twenty minutes later we were back at the Mareiott.
We returned to my room, and despite my protests that I hadn’t had a stressful day in the least, I felt a magical tug at my shirt. She ignored my admittedly token protests and pushed me down into the pillowtop bed. Her hooves once more worked away the tension I didn’t even realize I’d been carrying with me, kneading my back, shoulders, and neck until I just wanted to melt into the comforter.
I lay there unmoving for a few minutes, as she laid down beside me. Eventually I reached out a hand to her cat, who had jumped onto the bed between us. I couldn’t help but notice the brief jealous look Snowcatcher shot her cat as I scratched him behind the ears. “Cute kitty.”
“His name’s Snowflake.” The cat’s white fur had a slight pinkish tint to it, but the name seemed apt for a snow white feline. “You know, because I caught him and my name’s Snowcatcher.”
I somehow resisted the urge to groan at that. I was starting to think Snowcatcher might be the one responsible for naming this hotel.
Snowcatcher’s eyes never left my fingers as they scratched her cat. “You know; I have two hands. All you have to do is ask if you want your ears scratched too.”
Several emotions washed over the equine’s face in rapid succession. She half-whinnied and half-whined, “I can’t believe you’d make such a rude offer. Treating me like a pet. Furthermore, I’ll have you know magic can scratch all those hard to reach areas…” She trailed off, fake indignation fading. Ultimately, she leaned her head toward me and asked, “Please?”
I started scratching her behind the ears, moving my hand down her neck and massaging her shoulders, back, and withers. She pressed her head against my hand, trying to meld my fingers with her scalp.
I had no idea what I was doing and I admit it. Yet I asked the stupid question anyway. “How was it?”
“Awkward, clumsy, and you obviously have no clue regarding equine anatomy. Do you even know human anatomy? We’re not that different from one another. You’re also lucky I’m not a zebra, because you inadvertently managed to imitate a Zebrican marriage ceremony nearly perfectly. And despite all that, it was still the best massage I’ve ever had. Fingers are amazing.”
As if to prove her point, I picked up the remote control and aimed it at the big screen television hanging from the wall. And as if to one-up me, a bag of popcorn materialized in front of us as she snuggled against me, nudging her head against my hand, as if hinting that I should continue scratching her behind the ears.
“Are all ponies this clingy?”
“We’re herd creatures. Friendship is a survival trait. Ponies are descended from a prey species, and herds fared better than individuals. Herds don’t succeed if everypony wants to go off on their own. I suppose this is quite unorthodox for humans, but it was all explained in the pamphlet attached to the confirmation email. It specifies that if there’s anything in there that you’re uncomfortable with to please let us know immediately upon check-in.”
Right, the confirmation I’d printed out for proof when submitting my expense report. The one I didn’t bother reading. Better not admit that. “That makes sense.” I chuckled. “It wouldn’t hurt humans to be more friendly with one another, that’s for sure. We’re just not used to it. Though I’d be more comfortable if you were wearing something.”
She nodded and walked into the closet. She emerged a moment later sporting an old t-shirt that covered nothing of consequence. I suppose modesty is lost on a species that spends the vast majority of their time naked. I didn’t bother correcting her, instead patting the bed beside me, invitingly. She flopped down and snuggled against me. “You’re warm,” she muttered as she wriggled under my arm. Comforted by my embrace, she was out like a light almost immediately.
This certainly wasn’t how I expected to spend this business trip. I figured I’d spend the days at the trade fair, and the evenings at the hotel bar. Of course, this hotel didn’t have a bar and the hardest thing on the menu was non-alcoholic apple cider. I could’ve researched better before booking my reservation. Maybe I should’ve. Still, the horsey hotel wasn’t horrible. I reluctantly resigned myself to the fact I’d been enjoying myself.
Snowcatcher was unbelievably soft and cuddly. She smelled nice, too. Some sort of flower, though you’re asking the wrong person to ID exactly which one. Her breathing lulled me to sleep easily.
She had already vacated the bed by the time I awoke. Snowflake had been more than happy to occupy the warm space left by his master. I absently scratched at the base of his tail while my brain groggily started booting up for the day. It’s too early to think first thing in the morning. I needed caffeine. I stood up, stretched, and took care of my morning hygiene routine. I had a hunch Snowcatcher was using the running water of the shower to determine when to serve breakfast. As if to prove that theory, breakfast was waiting for me when I stepped out of the bathroom. “Thanks,” I said, as I grabbed an apple from the tray.
Snowcatcher’s display the previous day had brought increased interest in my company from other attendees. I had several meetings set up for today to discuss potential new business opportunities with potential clients. Assuming, of course, that they wanted to actually discuss business and not magical unicorns. As such, Snowcatcher went over me with a fine tooth comb, making sure I was perfectly groomed. No stubble remained on my face, and my bowtie was perfectly centered.
We winked to the trade show, taking a similar path to the prior day. The unicorn was impressive, but she only had so many points of reference for teleports. I entered the conference room and setup my laptop while I awaited my first appointment. As I had feared, he was mostly interested in talking about Snowcatcher, and what she could do, and where he could find a unicorn of his own. I was happy to oblige, since he offered a $300,000 project he was supposed to negotiate with one of our competitors to my employer instead.
The other two meetings went similarly. They offered small contracts, something to get our company’s figurative foot in their respective companies’ figurative doors, in exchange for talking about unicorn magic. There was going to be a hiring rush for unicorns in the near future.
Snowcatcher joined me for lunch, and we ate the leftover pizza from the first night in the conference room as we planned the afternoon. I had no obligations at the trade show after lunch, so we decided to tour the American Museum of Natural History. We walked in and were greeted by a rearing Barosaurus, towering six stories in the air. The massive sauropod was posed protecting its baby from a marauding Allosaurus. A few short hours is insufficient time to visit the museum, but we decided to explore the exhibits of most interest to us first, and then whatever we had time for after that.
The dinosaurs in the rotunda only whetted my appetite to see more, so we started with the dinosaurs. From there, Snowcatcher wanted to see the Hall of North American Forests, trying to learn more about her adopted home. We wandered around after that until closing time. From there we winked to the Jersey Palisades. Specifically, in a little park commemorating the former Palisades Amusement Park, now nothing but memories as high rise luxury apartment towers occupy the site today. Granted, it’s not really the time of the year for amusement parks, but it seems like a Ferris wheel and roller coaster overlooking Manhattan would be an improvement over these towers. But not nearly as profitable…
I was used to my camera appearing in hand at the tourist stops, but to my surprise she’d instead substituted an iPod. I pressed play and was rewarded with an oldie about the defunct amusement park. Simply titled Palisades Park, the artist was listed as Freddy Cannon.
The next dozen leaps were unremarkable, but instead of taking me back to the horsey hotel, the last teleport was to a magnificent waterfall with a bridge in front of it.
“Great Falls.” I nodded. Of course there had to be a ‘big falls’ to go with the town of Little Falls. Snowcatcher seemed to like the natural settings more than the urban ones, if the duration of the stops was any indication. Maybe they reminded her of home?
We stood on the bridge, watching as the river, swollen with April rain, spilled down the falls. Downtown Paterson was visible all around us, and yet here was a refuge in the middle of the urban blight. If you’d told me a month ago I’d be using ‘picturesque’ and ‘New Jersey’ in the same sentence, I’d have laughed at you. Yet here I was, camera in hand and snapping photos of the waterfall like the tourist I was.
I sneaked a few photos of my tour guide in front of the falls, my favorite shot being one where she was lost in thought. The camera caught that brief moment of introspection that I missed entirely. She noticed me taking pictures of her and suddenly my camera disappeared again.
Seconds later we were back at the hotel. And seconds after that I was alone in my room for only the third time since I’d arrived. I made a mental note that she didn’t like being photographed as I changed into my pajamas. I sat on the bed, letting my stomach settle down from all the winking we’d done. How she could teleport so frequently without getting nauseous was both mystifying and impressive.
A salad materialized on the table next to the television. Credit where its due, it was a very good gourmet salad. But it was still a salad, and I was craving something a bit more substantial. I briefly considered sneaking out to grab a hamburger, but resolved instead to stick to my prior resolution not to consume any more meat until leaving. Which probably meant waiting until I was back home in San Antonio.
I turned the television on for background noise as I played a game on my phone. A pair of pegasus ponies entered the room without knocking and sat down on the bed. The one on the right had a yellow coat with purple and pink hair, and a trio of suns on her flank, while the one on the left was purple with blue hair and a pair of stylized hearts on her rump.
“Hi! I’m Sunny Rays!”
“And I’m Flitterheart! It’s a slow day and we’re not fully booked right now, so Snowcatcher suggested we come up and meet you.”
“She’ll be back in a few minutes.” Sunny Rays reached into her saddlebag with one of her wings and produced a deck of Uno cards. I watched in awe. Their wings were prehensile. But could they really fly? The media claimed they could, though I’d yet to witness this with my own eyes.
I started shuffling the cards while observing my new companions. I handed the cards to Flitterheart and let her deal them out, marveling at how dexterous her wings were. She dealt out a fourth hand to Snowcatcher, and we waited for the unicorn to return before starting the game. She showed up bearing cartons of Carvel ice cream and cans of whipped cream, so her tardiness was immediately forgiven.
We played Uno until nearly midnight, and I’m not sure if it was their unfamiliarity with the game, or perhaps ‘the customer is always right’ taken to the extreme, but I won the first four hands and the game overall.
The two pegasi belly flopped on the bed and made that same half-whine, half-whinny that Snowcatcher had made previously. I sighed and sat down in between them. “I suppose you both want a massage?”
“If it’s not too much trouble?”
In response, I reached towards each of them with a hand. I started with scratching behind their ears, and they responded much as Snowcatcher had done. I moved down, and the unicorn started naming the various parts of the equine body as I massaged her pegasus friends. Flitterheart winced as I ran a hand along her left foreleg, and I immediately focused my attention on her, bringing the other hand away from Sunny Rays and picking up the limb for a closer inspection. The purple of her coat hid her skin well, but I could tell there was a nasty bruise right below the surface. “What happened?”
“A little brat got impatient because it wasn’t her turn to ride me and kicked me in the cannon.”
“Ouch.” From what I could tell, the cannon was the equine equivalent of a shin.
“That’s what I said.”
Sunny Rays unfurled her wings, and I started kneading them as carefully as possible. I could tell these appendages were fragile. She let out a sigh of contentment as I released the tension in her right wing. “Do that again.” So I did. I repeated the process on her left wing, and then both of Flitterheart’s wings. When I was done, I was left with two vaguely pegasus-shaped puddles of quivering bliss. Snowcatcher’s instructions had helped tremendously.
“Told you he was good.”
It was obvious that neither of the newcomers were leaving, so I laid down between them, and Snowcatcher hopped onto the bed next to Flitterheart. I’ve heard of a three dog night, mostly because of the band, but this was the first time I’d heard of a three pony night.
I woke up halfway through the night to find Flitterheart and Snowcatcher huddled on top of me, as Sunny Rays had wrapped the blanket around herself. I pulled the blanket back from the yellow pegasus and rolled over, depositing the two shivering ponies back on the bed and off of my chest. As I tucked the blanket in on their other side, one of them grabbed my arm and clutched it to her barrel. The pair of ponies wiggled back towards me, snuggling against my chest, while Sunny Rays rolled over, looking for the rest of the blanket. Instead, she wrapped her foreleg around me.
And that’s how we woke up hours later. Snowcatcher winked out, leaving me the filling in a pegasus sandwich. Neither of whom seemed all that interested in moving. I tried to rise, but neither would relinquish their grip on me and I sank back to the bed, conceding defeat. Snowcatcher reappeared, breakfast in hoof. That roused the pegasi, who greedily devoured fruit, bagels, and pastries. I managed to snag a bagel and a Rice Krispies Treat before the food was gone.
Snowcatcher tried apologizing on behalf of her friends, but I waved a hand, dismissively. “I’m not particularly hungry.”
Unlike when I’d arrived, the hotel had a number of vacancies, and neither Sunny Rays nor Flitterheart were needed at the moment. They offered to accompany us to the city, but I declined, citing that the trade fair wasn’t open to the general public. I’d had to pull strings to get Snowcatcher in. Well, to be more precise, she’d teleported in just fine, but I had to pull strings to keep her from being escorted out. Fortunately, we had a few extra badges, and I was able to commandeer one for her.
The two ponies nodded, and Sunny Rays opened the room’s window. They leapt out, and I rushed over to the window just in time to see their wings unfold, and watch them soar.
“Majestic.”
“Isn’t it just? Thank you for putting up with them last night. They’ve both been putting up with families with young children the past few days, and well, you could see the tension they were carrying with them. And your fingers can work the knots out better than my magic. And, to be completely honest, I may have had ulterior motives.”
“Oh?”
“You seem like you’re also just drifting through life. Equestria could use good human masseuses. So consider this a new skill and a new potential career path.”
“While I admit this week’s been more fun than I expected, I’m not really sure I’m ready to emigrate just yet.”
“Just keep an open mind to it.”
“I will. You realize that when I get back, I’m going to recommend my boss makes you a job offer. And if we don’t, there are probably a dozen companies that would happily hire you after your demonstration the other day.”
“Thanks, but I’ll just stick it out here at the hotel for another few years. My friends are here, and friendship means everything to ponies. Either we’ll stay here, or we’ll go back to Equestria, but whatever we choose, we’ll do it together.”
“Loyalty is a concept sadly lacking in many humans. I applaud you for it.”
“Friendship is magic.”
She didn’t wait for a response. I’d noticed that teleporting was one of her ways to ensure she got the last word in a conversation. We took what I’d come to think of as ‘the usual way’ into the city, passing over the George Washington Bridge. I was going to miss traveling by unicorn. After teleportation, the concept of sitting in traffic just seems even worse than it used to.
Day four of the trade show was more of the same. I had a few meetings with clients to give updates on existing projects, and talk about future ones. The hours dragged by until lunch.
We ended up at the same pizzeria we’d eaten at earlier in the week. This time we opted to have individual entrees instead of the monstrous pizza.
I looked longingly at the chicken parmesan being served at the next table. It smelled so good. I looked at the menu and was tempted to order one. Instead, I opted for baked ziti. After confirming that the baked ziti was indeed vegetarian, Snowcatcher ordered it for herself as well.
“You can order meat if you want.”
“Y’all seem uncomfortable with it.”
“I am.”
“So then why would I order it?”
“Because you obviously want it.”
“Well, yeah. I’m not used to going this long without meat. But it won’t kill me. It’s probably healthier in all honesty.”
We ate in silence, and once we were back at the convention center, I didn’t see her again until it was time to go home. Since I had a presentation the next day, we skipped the tourist routine and immediately returned to the hotel. The last wink left us in the backyard, where a magenta pegasus with red, yellow, and blue feathers on her flank was attending to some chickens.
I quirked an eyebrow as Snowcatcher introduced her as Feathermay. Feathermay presented one of her chickens for my inspection. “This is my pet, Nadine. She provides many of the eggs we use for cooking here at the Mareiott.”
“Well, I’m off to get started on dinner.” Snowcatcher turned around to trot into the hotel.
“What are we having?” I called after her.
Feathermay answered for her, tears in her eyes. “Nadine parmesan.” She hugged the poor chicken to her chest. “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry,” she kept whispering to the bird.
So that’s why Snowcatcher was trotting instead of teleporting. A little guilt trip for my carnivorous ways. I decided to escalate the situation. “She looks delicious.” Feathermay started bawling and Snowcatcher just scowled at me. I shrugged. “I’m not the one who put her on the menu. But seriously, you don’t have to serve up your pets as an entrée. If I want meat, there are plenty of places that serve it. Y’all have to have a Five Guys or a Firehouse around here somewhere.”
Snowcatcher stormed into the hotel and I returned to my room to immediately start preparing for the presentation I had to do the next day. The PowerPoint had been finished for months, and approved by my boss. But I still had to go through the motions of actually presenting the material. And that meant a few test runs to ensure there were no gremlins in the laptop, and no butterflies in my stomach.
I pulled up the presentation and scrolled through it, verifying every slide was ready to go. A flash of light and a popping sound announced Snowcatcher’s return, and the scent of pasta and alfredo sauce indicated dinner was ready. Fettuccini and broccoli alfredo was a nice change of pace. Had she made pasta every night, I might not have minded the vegetarian diet quite as much. “I’m sorry about earlier.”
“So am I. You’re an omnivore, and it’s not my place to try to change your diet. And you’ve been actively trying to curb your carnivorous ways around us. We do appreciate that. I just thought maybe if you saw one of the chickens up close and personal you’d be less likely to want to eat one.”
“Well, to be fair, that one was a little too fresh. Chicken’s better when it’s been battered and deep fried.”
“There are plenty of other options for battered and deep fried. Mozzarella sticks, or onion rings, or corn fritters…”
“All of which are appetizers instead of meals.”
“Anyway, I came to apologize and to help with the presentation. I’ll be your audience.”
Snowcatcher politely listened to my presentation four times, with far more rapt attention than the bored businessmen I’d be presenting it to the next day. To my surprise, she asked questions. The first few of which were fairly general, but as we continued discussing things they got oddly specific, and probably more in-depth than anything my audience would actually ask. She’d already mentioned that she was both a fast learner and an overachiever, and here she finally had the opportunity to demonstrate it.
“Are you sure I can’t tempt you into working for us? You’re picking this up quickly.”
She shook her head. “Not unless you can arrange jobs for all of us.”
“Not a chance.” I scratched her behind the ears, and she tilted her head towards me for better access. “I’m gonna miss this.”
“You’re going to miss this? How do you think we feel?” She sprawled across my lap like a Great Dane trying to be a lapdog.
“I thought you didn’t like being treated like a pet.”
“Less talk. More ear scratches.”
“As you command.” I reached behind her and started scratching Snowflake behind his ears. The kitty purred in response, as Snowcatcher chuckled.
“Well played.”
“You didn’t specify.” My free hand came up to her ears and started scratching her as well. “Though when we’re done here, how about one of those massages?”
“That sounds wonderful.” She paused. “Oh, you mean one for you.” She blushed, sheepishly. “That’s a service we offer, yes. We offer full service at this hotel! We’re not at all distracted by guests reciprocating. Nope, nope, nope!”
“Well, I suppose if y’all do a good job, I could certainly return the favor.”
She did, and I did.
Snowcatcher had fallen asleep during the massage, and I hadn’t the heart to move her. I awoke to her snuggled against me. She was already awake, but for once breakfast was not forthcoming.
“That was the best night’s sleep I’ve had since I was a foal. Thank you.” She nuzzled me.
“You’re welcome.” I started to scratch her behind the ears but she stopped me.
“No time. You’ve got a presentation to get ready for. I’ll go get breakfast ready while you shower.”
True to her word, food was waiting for me when I emerged from the shower. She’d already gotten used to adjusting my tie, and she did so while I munched on an apple. It was a lighter breakfast than normal.
Snowcatcher practically rushed me out the door, and we arrived half an hour earlier than we had any day that week. She wasted no time, winking us into the room where I was to do my presentation as soon as we’d checked in for the day.
I set up my laptop and she insisted I do a run-through to make sure everything was working properly. If anything, she was more nervous about this presentation than I was.
Everything was fine, and we waited for attendees to start showing up. Snowcatcher took the seat dead center, first row. I’d been expecting a few dozen people to show up. Instead we filled the room with nearly a hundred. I could hear whispers of ‘unicorn’ and ‘magic’ so it was no surprise why. They were going to be sorely disappointed in my dreadfully dull, but fully approved by the legal department, PowerPoint.
At 9 o’clock on the dot Snowcatcher’s horn glowed orchid, and the lights dimmed. I started the presentation with a brief overview of our corporate history, and then transitioned to what products and services we offered. Snowcatcher had seen the presentation enough times to change the slides for me, and she did an admirable job. I could even see her mouthing my words along with me, remembering my speech word for word.
The presentation went off without a hitch, and I opened the floor to questions. Immediately I was asked about Snowcatcher. I dismissed the question immediately. “Does anyone have a question that isn’t related to unicorns or magic?” There were none. I sighed and motioned for Snowcatcher to get up. We could work with this. “This is Snowcatcher. She’s been my assistant this week, and she’s done a great job, wouldn’t you say?” The crowd responded favorably, applauding her.
“Does anyone have a question for me?” Every hand went up. “Are any of those questions about the presentation?” Every hand went back down. She frowned. “We worked hard on that presentation.” Finally, a shaky hand in the back of the room went up. Had he been paying attention, the answer had been provided during the presentation, but it was enough to break the ice.
Questions flowed for a few minutes, and I answered them to the best of my ability. As predicted, Snowcatcher had asked harder questions the night before. I probably could’ve let her answer them, but for liability concerns, I figured it would be better if an official representative of the company did so instead.
“If there are no further questions, I thank you all for your time.”
The crowd filed out, and I collapsed into one of the newly-vacated seats. Snowcatcher sat next to me. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”
“It would’ve been better if they’d focused on the presentation, and not the presenter’s helper.”
With the end of my presentation, I was officially free. I had no further obligations at the trade show, which was already in the process of wrapping up. So even though it was too early for lunch, I suggested we go get a bite to eat. She smiled at that, and said she knew just the place to get brunch.
After the week I’d had, I didn’t think it was possible to surprise me anymore, but Snowcatcher managed to do that with her choice of restaurants: Koneko. Koneko is the Japanese word for kitten, and the restaurant was indeed a Japanese style cat café. There were kittens and cats strolling around while we ate. I opted for a simple dessert instead of a true meal. Hot chocolate and cheesecake with a raspberry gelee were my pick, and Snowcatcher followed my lead. There was something appropriate about a pony with a snowflake cutie mark enjoying a cup of hot chocolate.
We sat there for a few hours, enjoying each other’s company, and that of the various cats. We finally left when the lunch rush hit, freeing up an additional table, albeit reluctantly.
“Do you trust me?” Snowcatcher asked, as innocently as possible. We’d bonded somewhat over the week. I’d already put my life in her hooves repeatedly every time we teleported. I nodded without hesitation. She smiled. “Good, because you’re about to get the most spectacular view of New York.” We winked out…
…And winked back in, midair, thousands of feet above the city. Gravity, unlike physics, refused to be denied, and we started falling. My camera was dangling from a strap on my neck, and I grabbed it before it could hit me in the face. Snowcatcher, meanwhile, was calmly pointing out locations of interest as we plummeted. I snapped pictures absentmindedly, while trying to reassure myself that the little unicorn was right here next to me, and didn’t appear to be deranged or suicidal.
We hadn’t even hit rooftop levels before we winked out, once again appearing in midair. She kept teleporting us, scrubbing off speed by coming out sideways or upside down. I could feel her magic pushing back, denying gravity as easily as she denied physics, as she struggled to levitate us. Her magic was strong, but we were heavy and had momentum working against us. After more than a dozen teleports, we appeared over the hotel’s backyard. Flitterheart and Sunny Rays intercepted our descent, bringing us to the ground.
“That was insane, reckless, and yet probably the most fun thing I’ve ever done. Can we do it again?” Snowcatcher groaned in response, and I looked down at her. She had collapsed to the grass, clutching her horn. Sunny Rays had already pressed an icepack against the base of the unicorn’s bony appendage.
Flitterheart was trying to squirm under her to pick her up, but I bent down and grasped her under her forelegs, hefting her and draping her over my shoulder. Snowcatcher’s words returned to me. I could do the whole thing at once, but then I’d be knocked out for at least the next two hours. We’d teleported from Midtown Manhattan to Little Falls, a distance of at least fifteen miles. She’d pushed herself too hard and was now paying the price.
The two pegasus ponies followed me up the stairs and to my room, where I gently placed Snowcatcher in the bed so she could recover. “Is she going to be okay?”
“She’ll be fine. Just give her a few hours of peace and quiet, a cold compress, and a nice dark room, and she’ll be as good as new in no time.” It was Sunny Rays who answered me. “She was just showing off a bit.”
Flitterheart nodded. “She called us in advance so we’d be ready to catch the two of you.”
I followed the two pegasi out of the room and set to exploring the hotel. I hadn’t had the opportunity to venture out of the room on my own before, so I took advantage of the situation. Much as I’d suspected, the hotel was barely large enough to support sixteen guest rooms. Amenities were next to none. There was no pool, no gym, nor any of the other expected luxuries. No wonder Snowcatcher had done her best to keep me occupied with sightseeing.
I found a pink unicorn in the garage, tinkering under the hood of one of three identical Checkers adorned with the Mareiott’s logo. She had blonde and pink hair, and a pair of entwined horseshoes as a cutie mark. She didn’t notice me, and I didn’t interrupt her work.
The lobby was small. I hadn’t paid much attention to it when I arrived, as I was still in shock from having met a unicorn. But aside from a couch, a few potted plants, and a token rack filled with brochures for local attractions, there wasn’t a whole lot to see. There wasn’t even a television. A pure white pegasus with ruby red hair was sitting behind the check-in desk. She glanced up at me, recognizing me as one of the hotel’s existing guests. “Can I help you?”
I shook my head. “Just doing a little wandering.” She nodded, then turned her attention back to her tablet.
I barely opened the next door and was immediately chased out of the kitchen by a purple pony with a daisy cutie mark and pink hair. Not to mention a wooden spoon, which she brandished as menacingly as a Catholic school teacher with a ruler.
The backyard contained an apiary I’d already noted, as well as a chicken coop. I kept my distance from both, especially the latter. I’m not sure how Feathermay took my joke, and I’m not entirely sure I want to find out. With nothing left to see, I returned to my room. I changed into my pajamas, a weird feeling this early in the afternoon, and sat in the room’s lone chair waiting for Snowcatcher to awaken.
Silly pony. Who was she trying to impress? Me? I was already impressed with her abilities. Or was this perhaps her way to garner sympathy so I wouldn’t flip out on her for taking us flying without wings. No, ‘flying’ was too generous a term. We were falling.
My stomach growled. Not surprising, since we’d eaten light for breakfast, and then only snacked for lunch. I pulled my phone out and started looking into food options. We weren’t too far away from a major mall with dozens of chain restaurant offerings. But I couldn’t find anything that had a pony-friendly menu. Sure, I could sneak out without Snowcatcher, and enjoy some quality time alone, but it just didn’t seem right to leave the little unicorn alone in the room suffering with a headache while I went out and enjoyed myself.
She groaned and I looked over to the bed. “My everything hurts.”
“Serves you right for showing off.”
“Did you have fun?”
“Yes.”
“Totally worth it.” She grunted as she struggled to sit up. “I bet you’re hungry.” Her stomach growled at the mention of food and she blushed, sheepishly. “Me too.”
“Want me to go grab a pizza or something?”
“Nope,” she replied, finally sitting up. “I’ve got a place in mind. Just bear with me a bit longer. I’m going to take a nice hot shower and when I’m done, we’ll go.”
An hour later, we were finally ready to go. Ten minutes to shower, another ten to blow dry her coat, then twenty minutes to blow dry her mane, and another twenty to blow dry her tail. At least she didn’t spend an extra hour fretting over what outfit to wear. She went au naturale, as per usual. We walked down to the garage and she commandeered one of the hotel’s three cabs for our use. I guess her horn was still aching and she didn’t want to push herself.
We drove for about half an hour through the suburban jungle that is northern New Jersey, before finally reaching our destination. I blinked, wondering if she’d somehow injured her brain when she fried her horn earlier. The sign proudly proclaimed The Mason Jar as a BBQ restaurant.
“I’m sorry for yesterday. You mentioned you like barbeque, so, uh, I did some research and this place came recommended.”
“What are you going to eat?”
“They have salads. And appetizers.”
“Are you sure?”
“Not really, but you’re the guest. You like this style of food. We cater to our guests.” She sniffed the air and cringed. “Even when they make us go to restaurants that smell like death.”
It smelled great to me, so I held my tongue. She was making an effort. She ended up with an appetizer of mozzarella triangles and a salad, while I opted for beef brisket. I was pleasantly surprised to find it was actually good.
“Cows are sapient back home.”
“Earth cuisine will never catch on in Equestria. I feel bad for all the people who moved there when they realize they can’t get a bacon cheeseburger.”
“Griffons eat meat. But I hate to admit that I don’t know what, exactly, they hunt as prey. I try not to think about it.”
She was handling the assault to her olfactory system better than I would’ve expected from her earlier comment. But she’d barely touched her salad. As much as I was enjoying it, I hated to hurry through my meal, but I did so anyway. She took the rest of her salad to go. I drove the car back to the hotel so she could eat on the way back. She perked back up the longer she was in the car.
“I think I could’ve stomached that better if I hadn’t overexerted my magic earlier. I was already feeling a little nauseous before we got there.”
I nodded. “Either way, I appreciate you letting me have an opportunity to sample the local barbeque.”
She smiled. “It’s the least I can do to make up for yesterday. Especially since you’ll be leaving tomorrow. Do you think you’ll come back?”
I shrugged, never taking my eyes from the road. “I guess it depends on if the company sends me back for next year’s show.”
“You could always take a real vacation here.”
“True. I guess it depends on how much vacation time I have, and how much money I want to spend.” And if there are other destinations I’d rather go to. “But I’ve had fun. If I’m ever in the New York area again, I’ll be staying at the Mareiott.”
“You better.” She stuck her tongue out at me.
Sunny Rays and Flitterheart were waiting in my room when we got back. We played another round of Uno, and once again they let their guest win. This time I was positive they were rigging things in my favor.
It was an enjoyable end to what had turned out to be one of the best weeks of my life. And while I’m sure that the ponies went out of their way to accommodate me specifically because I wasn’t pulling on their hair or kicking their ~~shins~~ cannons, I think they honestly enjoyed having me around. My fingers may have made them a little biased, but if they could teach me to give a good horse massage, they could teach another just as easily. And they probably would.
The next morning dawned overcast. The hotel’s pegasi had arranged what they considered appropriate weather over the hotel for my departure. They were sad to see me leave, and they wanted me to know it. But I had a job to return to, and a lonely apartment waiting for me. I had a lot to think about.
The ride back to the airport was somber. I actually believed they were going to miss me. Honeybuzz rode along to see me off, as she needed to pick up an incoming guest from the airport not long after my plane departed. Snowcatcher was also expecting a family of four to arrive sometime that afternoon, but if they arrived early she could always teleport back and leave the car with Honeybuzz.
I hadn’t had the opportunity to talk to the orange mare previously, as the only time I’d seen her she was preoccupied. We made idle chitchat, which led to me asking about her bees. She then spent the rest of the ride to the airport explaining the ins and outs of beekeeping.
I slipped a note to Snowcatcher as she held the door open for me to get out.
“What’s this?”
“Instructions. You’re due some extra money. That tells you exactly how to get paid for the work you did this week. First of all, you need to add an invoice for transportation. Since there’s no official rate for teleportation, we’ll file that one under ‘auto rental’ for simplicity. And it’s technically the truth, since you did transport me by car a few times.” I thumped the fender of the Checker for emphasis. “The rest is how to submit an invoice for a consultant fee. Believe me, you earned that this week. I’m not authorized to hire subconsultants, but I’ll explain the situation to my boss.” I left out the part where I’d be referring to her as a ‘booth babe to generate traffic’ which I knew he’d approve without a second glance. It was also true on a technicality. She was female, she was at our booth, and she generated a lot of traffic.
She smiled and gave me one last hug. “Thank you.”
“No, thank you. You made this week way more fun than I was expecting to have. Thank you.” She waved goodbye as I walked into the airport. I turned and gave her a wave as the automatic door started closing. And then I was gone, on my way to return home.
Author's Note
Blog post with author's notes can be found here: https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/877270/story-notes-business-trip
