Were I a Good Person, I Would Not Foist Upon the Sunset Shimmer Shipping Contest Judges and Readers of This Fair Site a Last Minute Entry Into Said Contest. Unfortunately For All Y'all, I am not a Good Person.

by Super Trampoline

Rating: teen
Tags: Equestria Girls, Sunset Shimmer, Profanity, Random, Twilight Sparkle (EqG), Romance
Length: 1121

Sunset Shimmer, now a communist or something, breaks up with her liberal girlfriend Sci-Twi. She's not particularly happy about this.

Sunset Shimmer, now a communist or something, breaks up with her liberal girlfriend Sci-Twi. She's not particularly happy about this.

"Praise" for the story:

"It was pretty terrible." ~Crystal Static

"I enjoyed it nontheless."~ The Blue EM2

”Wow. I legitimately could not enjoy this.” ~ FanOfMostEverything

"FanOfMostEverything may not have liked this, but I had a blast!" ~Present Perfect

Published 2019-09-16 05:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2019-09-16 05:10:02 UTC

Oh God Why

Sunset Shimmer looked around. After a few seconds she realized where she was. "Oh God, no. No God, no! Please, please why do you do this? Pony Jesus, kill me now!"

Alas, Sunset discovered she was in a Super Trampoline story he was attempting to write in the ninety minutes before the deadline of the Sunset Shipping Contest. She looked desperately around for something she could kill herself with, but she was in a blank empty room. She prepared to ram her head into a wall as hard as possible.

"Whoa whoa whoa, what the fuck, Sunny Buns? Calm the fuck down. I'm not going to torture you or anything. I'm just going to use you as a stand-in for my struggles with my liberal partner. Well, you and Sci Twi. She'll be your liberal partner."

Sunset sighed defeatedly. "There's nothing I can do to get out of this, is there? You are determined to submit a shitty-ass entry, aren't you?"

Trampo smiled. "That's the spirit! Look, Sci-Twi is a liberal. Just break up with her over this and it'll all be over."

Sunset rolled her eyes. "You're a sick fuck, Super Trampoline. I hope you know that."

The batpony smiled. "We're all degenerates here. Now get on with it."

Sunset grumbled as she approached the "human" Twilight Sparkle at her locker. Somehow, despite being alive and cognizant of their own existence for like five or six years now, the Equestria Girls characters were still in their senior year of high school. Unless there was a graduation minisode I missed or something. It's certainly possible. Those shorts are like the herpes of the Pony world. There's so Goddamned many of them!

Anyway, Sunset Shimmer approached Twilight Sparkle and was like "Yo, Twi, it is time for us to break up. I am a leftist, and you are a filthy liberal, and we will never truly understand each other. This is definitely not based on real events in Super Trampoline's life! But anyway, before we break up, I hope we can 69 one more time, because that shit is hot and gay."

It's true. It was pretty hot. I mean, as we saw in

TTrixie and Starlight Do the Kiss

MLP: FiM

Romance

Comedy

Lips collide and hearts ignite and uh... other areas moisten, when love is in the air.

Sex

Trixie

Starlight Glimmer

Super Trampoline · 1.3k words  ·  51  13 · 1.8k views

, lesbians are inherently hot.

Sci-Twi was understandably crushed. "What happened, Sunset? You and I used to have so many study sessions together! Where did that magic go?"

Sunset sighed. "I know. And I won't forget those magical moments. But I've replaced our snuggle sessions with struggle sessions." A beat. "With Starlight Glimmer."

Sci-Twi gasped. "Gasp! You and Starlight are fucking?! How... H-How dare you?!?" A beat. "Also, isn't she like, thirty or something?"

I want to remind you this is all happening next to Twilight's locker in the school hallway.

Sunset rolled her eyes. "Twilight, I'm thirty two. I'm like six years older than pony Twilight and she's in the second half of her twenties by season nine, according to Super's headcanon. The creepy implications of me, a whole-ass adult who is at least in her mid twenties at the start of Equestria Girls hanging out with a bunch of high schoolers is never really properly explored in the author's opinion." A beat. "Also, I'm not fucking Starlight."

"Okay," Twilight replied, "then what the fuck is a struggle session? Sounds like some freaky BDSM or something. Which, don't lie, I know you're into." A beat. "Which again is super sus when you consider the power dynamics involved."

If Admiral Bisuit can post random show-style bondage pics on my stories, then so can I!

"Okay, well, we're both legally adults and it's consensual, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯"

Twilight scrunched her brows. "As the supposedly more enlightened one here, shouldn't you be more aware of the potential of abuses of power dynamics? Also, how did you do that shrug thing?"

Sunset shrugged. "Look, I'm just an agentless puppet in the hooves of a mad god. Do you want to know what a struggle session is or not?"

"Yeah, okay, sure, I guess." A beat. "And yeah, Super Trampoline is definitely pretty fucked up in the head. My pony counterpart is... not fond of him."

Sunset sighed. "tell me about it. Anyway, while originally a 'struggle session' was a way of publicly humiliating and punishing class-traitors in communist China, things admittedly got a little out of hand. That said, claims like:
are orientalist anti-communistic western imperialist propaganda. Here's a long-ass article about it."

Sci-Twi was again perplexed. "How did you say a picture and a link?"

"¯\_(ツ)_/¯" Sunset replied.

Twilight lowered her nerd glasses--which lets be honest solely exist to help differentiate the two Twilights when they appear together on screen, although one could argue that Princess Twilight, living in a Social Democracy like Equestria, probably just got whatever the pony equivalent of Lasik Eye surgery is when she was younger--so that she could pinch the bridge of her nose in frustration. "Whatever. So what the fuck are you doing with Starlight then?"

Sunset blushed. "Well, she is into public humiliation , but no, I mostly wanted to make a play on words between 'snuggle session' and struggle session. The truth is, Super Trampoline has been, through memes and shitposts--since he doesn't actually have the executive functioning skills to read any actual theory-- been educating Starlight on what actual socialism and communism are, as opposed to that tired trope of forced equality displayed in Season Five. And Starlight, while she has some sociopathic tendencies, on the whole has learned to care a lot about the downtrodden ~~people~~ ponies of the world. And while liberals are big on welfare so they can pat their backs for keeping the less fortunate alive while ignoring the conditions that lead to destitution, socialists instead care about changing the system so that workers own the means of production and thus aren't vastly underpaid, reducing the need for much welfare. And Starlight really likes that. And the more I hang out with her, on both sides of the mirror, the more I realize I like that. So I'm breaking up with you, liberal Sci-Twi, so that I can shag an actual leftist." Sunset leaned forward and kissed the perpetually eighteen-year-old woman in front of her. "But hey, you should try re-hooking up with Flash Centrist."