May the world be better, without me...
I’m sorry everyone. I’m sorry for lying to you all, I’m sorry for pushing you guys away, I’m sorry for being such a fool, I’m sorry for everything. I wish it didn’t had to end like this but I have to be honest and clear: I can’t take it anymore. I‘m at my limit now witch I thought I could keep under control; turns out I couldn’t keep it on check. They where right from the beginning: I shouldn’t have push so many ponies away. Maybe if I wasn’t so hardheaded or hypocritical, things would’ve been different.
But now I have no one I’m all alone. You know, in the past I wasn’t suicidal. I thought that I was too strong to commit such an act, I deluded myself into thinking nothing was wrong with me even when i knew there was; and instead of telling any-pony or seeking for help, i silence myself from my friends and society.
It was a good life that I had I will admit. Going to pinkie pie’s parties; eating one of granny smiths most delicious apple-pies. Watching that speeding cyan Pegasus fly high up to the heavens before coming down in the speed of light creating a beautiful rainbow. But yet, for all of that to be cut so short it’s sad.
I know this world and every-pony in it is going to forget me including you whoever is reading this. I know you‘re all gonna move on and everything is going to be good and handy-dandy. I’m never gonna make it to Octavia’s wedding—ah man, that part when vinyl propose to her at the gala was beautiful. There’s a lot of things I wanted to see, a lot of ponies that I wanted to meet. I always dreamed to be the first pony to ever go to the moon.
Who knows maybe i could’ve met Princess Luna herself. You’re probably wondering what’s driving me to do this? Was it self-guilt, was it the depression, the mental illness and self-hatred i had a mix of all of them. But I stayed quiet and didn’t say anything; hoping that maybe it‘ll go away on its own. But I was wrong, I was so wrong. You know there’s a say; "The weak will perish and the strong will survive" I just didn‘t realize I wasn‘t that strong nor did I needed help.
Now I don’t want anyone to blame themselves, this isn’t on you, it’s all my fault. I’m the one that pushed you all away, I’m the one who hurt you all when you didn’t deserved it. Saying and spitting things that wasn’t true, so as a punishment I deserve whatever’s coming for me. I’m sorry you let you all down, I’m sorry to every-pony. Applebloom, sweetiebelle, scoots, Twilight, auntie-may, Fluttershy. Everyone at ponyville and canterlot. I’m really sorry.
Hopefully when i’m dead I won’t have to suffer anymore. I hope that my story will make ponyville a better place somehow in the future and that all ponies would know: we all have a limit to how much we can take and how much we could hold in.
I wish I was better then what I am now. I wish I could’ve been stronger and more open to all my friends and family. I’ve made a-lot of bad decisions in my life even when I was told i shouldn’t have done what I did, I did it anyways.
I guess the last thing I wanna say before i leave is thanking everypony. Mrs sparkle, thank you for everything you did for me and I’m sorry I won’t get to attend to your school of friendship. Applebloom I wish you the best in life! I hope you find your cutie-mark I bet it’ll be as swell as maple-soup. Sweetiebelle, sorry for scaring you so much from all my pranks, I really am’ I apologize.
Scoots i‘m sorry for how I treated you when we got into a fight at school. You didn’t deserve it I wasn’t myself. Octavia my dear sister: thank you for everything you did for me, I’ll never forget the times we spent together. It’s sad that I had to leave you this soon but everypony has to pay for their sins at some point, and I guess mine caught up to me.
Fluttershy I never meant what I said. Know that you have every right to hate me; all you did was try to help me but I was always so awful and cruel to you, that said i apologize. I hope to celestia that you’ll forgive me. Vinyl never stop being yourself and take care of Octi for me, okay?
Auntie-may i’ll miss you the most. You where there with me when my parents died at a oil rig. Thank you for putting a roof over my head, thank you for clothing me, feeding me and giving me gifts even when I didn’t deserve it. You’re the best aunt that I could ever ask for, one I could call my second mother figure.
Pinkie pie thank you for all the hugs. Thank you for making me smile through the darkest of times, and i‘ll never forget all the sacrifices you made for me. I‘m sorry it had to end like this but I’m going, and i want you to know that I like you pinkie, I ‘like you like you’ and i‘ll never forget you. My only regret is that I’ll never get to see your smile one last time.
The world will be better off without me along with everyone at ponyville. Thank you all for everything I’ll be going now.
Your fellow neighbor and friend,
Squel-Tank.
Author's Note
It is short but it’s a start (for me), to write some short stories. Also Incase you guys are wondering, yes I’m fine nothing’s wrong.
