Well, I Guess I Have No Choice...

by ThePinkedWonder

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Queen Chrysalis, Cozy Glow, Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Grogar, Starlight Glimmer, Tirek
Length: 4196

Lord Tirek, Queen Chrysalis, Grogar, and Empress Cozy Glow have begun their invasion. Thanks to a stupid decision by the Mane 6, Equestria's only hope lies in Starlight Glimmer. Equestria's doomed, right? Uh, about that...

After becoming the new rulers of Equestria, Princess Twilight Sparkle and her friends found themselves trapped in Tartarus easily, thanks to a plan from Empress Cozy Glow.

Why? Because the Mane 6 and Royal Adviser Spike gained the "uselessness" of ex-Princess Celestia and ex-Princess Luna.

Now, the only ponies that can save Equestria from Lord Tirek, Queen Chrysalis, Grogar, and Empress Cozy Glow, or the "Legion of Cozy" are Starlight Glimmer and Trixie Lulamoon. Really, it's all up to Starlight.

Will Starlight be able to find the power inside herself to defeat the Legion of Cozy? Or will the LoC be victorious? Starlight may be very surprised about what will eventually happen to her...

Enough will be explained to not require reading the prequel to understand this story (and laugh) but it would answer why Twilight and the others took over for Celestia and Luna, and it took place right after the season 9 premiere.

At the time this story was written, I didn't know what will happen in the season 9 finale of MLP:FIM, so there will be no actual spoilers for it. Any similarities between this AU story and the series finale is 100% coincidental.

Published 2019-09-30 13:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-09-30 13:40:01 UTC

A Legend (And Verb) Is Born

Equestria faced a type of peril it very rarely sees.

Queen Chrysalis, Lord Tirek, Grogar, and their fearless leader, Empress Cozy Glow, collectively known as the “Legion of Cozy”, were invading Ponyville as their first step in conquering Equestria. Usually, this would be merely a minor inconvenience. Normally, Princess Twilight Sparkle and her friends would have saved the day with their omnipotent power of friendship. No big deal.

But, they can’t save Equestria this time. Thanks to a foolish decision.

With Spike as their Royal Adviser, Princess Twilight Sparkle, Princess Pinkie Pie, Princess Rarity, Princess Applejack, Princess Rainbow Dash, and Princess Fluttershy recently became the rulers of Equestria. To ensure that they were all equal to Twilight, Fluttershy, Rainbow, Rarity, Applejack, and Pinkie were transformed into Alicorns when they rose to power. This is how they gained the status of “princess”.

Sadly, taking the places of the now-retired ex-Princess Celestia and ex-Princess Luna had an unfortunate secondary effect. The friends acquired the uselessness that the former two Princesses possessed. Thus the seven friends were easily tricked and caught in a plan from Empress Cozy Glow, and found themselves trapped in Tartarus. Ex-Princess Celestia, ex-Princess Luna, Princess Cadance (she retained her status as the Princess of Love) and even Starswirl the Bearded were also caught, though it was more difficult to capture Starswirl.

If you ask me, Twilight Sparkle should have seen this coming and refused to take Celestia’s and Luna’s places. She’s supposed to be the smart one!

With the whereabouts of Discord, the Lord of Chaos, unknown, Equestria’s only hope rested in Starlight Glimmer, the Headmare of the School of Friendship, and her best friend, Trixie Lulamoon. Starlight’s horn glowed light-blue, ready to fight. She turned to some of the light-brown buildings to her left, wishing she could lead the Legion of Cozy to a place outside Ponyville.

But when Starlight surveyed the evil team standing in front of her, twenty feet away, she understood that where she stood then and there was the battleground. She gazed at the sky, hoping to see her former teacher and friends in the distance. Alas, she saw nothing but the dark-blue sky and points of red, blue, yellow, and white.

While shaking, Trixie stood close to Starlight and fought the urge to flee. She thought to herself that it was a good thing she used the bathroom an hour before.

Everypony in Ponyville was shaking in fear in their homes.

Empress Cozy Glow, who stood in front of Tirek, Chrysalis, and Grogar, wore a type of confident smile that only the alpha of a team would wear. She also wore a gold crown on her head. “Well, well, well. What do we have here?”

“A couple of idiots if they think they can stop the Legion of Cozy!” Chrysalis answered.

“We won’t let you get away with this! We’ll fight to our last breath!” Starlight declared.

Summoning every bit of courage in her body, but with her teeth gritted from fear, Trixie stuttered, “M-Maybe we can’t do much. But still, The G-Great and Powerful Trixie and her number one assistant will s-stop your e-evil plans!”

But Empress Cozy Glow was not impressed by Starlight's and Trixie's show of courage. While pacing back and forth, Cozy said, “Well, you have guts, but guts won’t be enough to stop me and my lackeys. You see, my plan to have all the friendship in Equestria might have failed, and I might have been sent to Tartarus because of it, but it all worked out in my favor. Thanks to my second in command, Grogar, I broke out. Sure, King Sombra wouldn’t be a team player and tried to rule by himself, but I was smarter. I knew I needed help. With Lord Tirek, Queen Chrysalis, and Grogar’s help, I came up with an even better plan than the one at that dumb school! And after...”

As Cozy continued her monologue, Trixie relaxed her teeth, rolled her eyes, and whispered, “Uh, how long will she keep going, Starlight?”

Starlight whispered back, “A while, trust me.”

“...My plan is ready, and Equestria will kneel before me, Empress Cozy Glow!”

Tirek asked, “Uh, what about us, Empress Cozy?”

“Oh, yeah, and you three.”

“And thanks to the other plan Empress Cozy Glow thought of, we captured the Princesses and Starswirl the Bearded, and now nothing can stand in our way!” Grogar declared and let out an evil laugh.

The other three villains joined in Grogar’s malevolent laughing.

Starlight gasped and started, “Wait, Twilight and the others are--”

Paying Starlight no mind, Tirek stopped laughing and, in a puzzled voice, said, “But you know, there’s something I can’t figure out.”

Cozy in turn stopped laughing and asked, “What’s that?”

The rest of the LoC ceased laughing as Tirek explained, “I can see the others being dumb enough to do it, but I can’t believe Princess Twilight Sparkle agreed to become a co-ruler of Equestria! Celestia and Luna almost never help, so by taking over, they inherited their uselessness!”

Chrysalis agreed, “Yesss, they practically handed themselves to us by taking over, because we barely even had to try! Of all ponies, I thought Twilight Sparkle would have known she'll become useless if she became one of Equestria's rulers! She’s foolish, but she’s not stupid!”

Tirek guessed, “Maybe a book recently fell on her head?”

Empress Cozy guessed, “Maybe running that silly school for so long messed up her head? Those students can be really loud.”

“Perhaps it’s because she’s getting older? I have no idea how old she is, but when you get older, the brain cells are said to be the first things to go,” Grogar said.

Empress Cozy turned back to her LoC members and asked, “Wait, really?”

“Unfortunately so. It’s why I didn’t immediately finish off Twilight and her friends when I had the chance, after I absorbed Twilight’s magic and they were defenseless.”

“And it’s why I didn’t go after Starlight Glimmer along with Twilight, her friends, and the Princesses, knowing she was Twilight’s student and thus might ruin my plan to feed my hive. I’m so glad the youngest of us is in charge now.”

“See, I told you it was smart to let me be our leader. But if brain cells are the first things to go, shouldn’t Celestia and Luna be really dumb by now?”

Grogar answered, “They are really dumb; why else would they relinquish their places of rulers to Twilight and her friends and render them useless?” Grogar pointed to Starlight and Trixie. “Look at who's left to protect Equestria from us!”

“Yeah, I’ll take facing those two over Twilight and her friends when they could still tap into omnipotent power just by holding hooves. Wait, we were talking about Twilight’s age a moment ago; how old do you three think she is?” Tirek asked.

“Good question, but she doesn’t look too old. Maybe she’s twenty-one?” Chrysalis guessed.

Grogar guessed, “Twenty-eight? She could be older than she looks.”

“Thirty-nine?” Cozy chimed in.

“Wait, thirty-nine? I don’t think she’s that old, Empress Cozy,” Tirek objected.

“Well, once when I was still tricking her into thinking she could trust me, Twilight pulled out a strand of gray hair while combing her mane and 'twilighted' over it.”

Grogar countered, “Though, with how often she’s twilighted, she could be getting gray hair early. ‘Twilighting’ just wasn’t always recognized as a verb.”

“I guess, but…”

As the Legion of Cozy babbled on about Twilight’s age, Trixie couldn’t resist giggling at the sight. She leaned her head to Starlight and admitted, “You know, we might be doomed, but listening to these four talk about Twilight like this is kinda fun.”

“...that’s another good point, but I still think--” Cozy “facehoofed” and groaned, realizing they were losing sight of the task at hand, or hoof. “Wait, what are we doing? Twilight can be over nine-thousand years old for all I care. We have a world to take over!”

“Yes, you are correct, Empress Cozy,” Grogar said. “Now, how should we rid ourselves of these two pathetic ponies in front of us?”

“Let me absorb their magic,” Tirek suggested. “My arms are in need of their dose of power!”

“Well, you can have that performer wannabe’s magic, Tirek, but Starlight Glimmer and her love is mine. I am going to enjoy this, and can I go first, Empress Cozy?”

“Eh, go ahead and have fun. Then Tirek can take the magic of whoever her name is, and then I’ll force everypony to bow at my hooves and make me the Empress of Equestria!”

“But what about me?” Grogar asked.

“Easy, my second in command. You will get to unleash one of those creatures of darkness that you were talking about.”

An evil smile curled on the lips of Grogar.

But neither Starlight nor Trixie had a reason to smile. It was all over for them, and Equestria would soon be at the mercy of Empress Cozy Glow and the LoC. All hope was lost.

At least, that is what went through Trixie’s head. Something else entirely went through Starlight’s, and it has been ever since she learned Twilight and the others were caught.

With a frown, Trixie turned to Starlight. “Well, Starlight, it looks like this is it, and this might be the last chance for me to tell you that I lo--”

In a serious voice, Starlight warned, “Empress Cozy Glow? Lord Tirek? Queen Chrysalis? Grogar? I will offer you one last chance to give up, or else.”

Cozy and her LoC members looked to one another, then laughed at what they heard from their purplish-pink Unicorn adversary.

“Oh, now that’s a good one!” Chrysalis declared.

“You must be even more foolish than Twilight!” Grogar teased.

“And I didn’t think that was possible!” Tirek said while holding his chest.

Cozy wiped the tears from her eyes that her laughing was causing. “Unless you can become way, way, way more powerful with some dumb empathy cocoa or something, you have no chance of beating all of us!”

Starlight stared at the still-laughing team of four. She yearned to buy some time. But knowing that Twilight and the others wouldn’t be arriving, she sighed and admitted, “Well, I guess I have no choice.”

Starlight’s eyes glowed white. A gust of wind blew from her in every direction. She levitated ten feet in the air, and her whole body emitted a white light, matching the glow of Starlight's eyes.

“W-What is this?!” Grogar exclaimed.

“What are you doing?” Cozy asked.

Backing away, Trixie stared at her glowing friend. Her eyes squinted from the light and she placed a foreleg above her eyes to reduce the light's glare. “That’s what I’m wondering too! Are you all right, Starlight?”

Starlight remained silent.

Cozy gulped, but remembered the power her lackeys possessed. Her smug smile returned and boasted, “Well, this is impressive, but still, you are no match for all of us.”

“And I alone am more of a match for her. It will take a lot more than some wind and bright lights to intimidate Queen Chrysalis! Now, I will--”

A light-blue beam of magic fired from Starlight’s horn. It flew over a gasping Cozy’s head and smashed into Chrysalis. The force was so incredible, Chrysalis didn’t even scream from the impact. The Queen was knocked off her feet and slammed and slid ten feet on the ground. She lay motionless on her side, her cerulean mane covered her eyes, but her heart was still beating.

“No! Chrysalis!” Cozy exclaimed.

“Where did this power come from?!” Grogar asked.

Gawping at the defeated Chrysalis, with her eyes doubled in size, Trixie chimed in, “I’ll like to know that too!”

In a deeper, echoing voice, Starlight explained, “For years, I have traveled across Equestria to train myself in magic, and that alone gave me the power to rival Alicorns. But when Twilight made me her student, she didn’t only teach me friendship: she personally trained me in magic, pushed me and my magical skills to their limits every day, and kept training me even after I graduated. Thanks to my intense daily magical training from Twilight, an Alicorn and the bearer of the Element of Magic, I eventually learned how to break my limits as a Unicorn.”

Trixie’s eyes returned to normal size, then squinted them again when she turned back to the still-glowing Starlight. “Wow, so you’re a Super Unicorn now? I thought they were a myth, and why didn’t you do this sooner?”

“After the wrongs I had done with my magic before I changed, and made more mistakes with it afterward, I didn’t want to use this power unless I had to. I tried to wait for Twilight and the others to come save us, but since they are captured, it’s time for me to show what I can do with my true power.”

Tirek grinned, instead of feeling intimidated. “Well, I must say that I like this turn of events.”

Trixie turned to Tirek and rubbed her head in confusion. “You’re happy that my best friend is a Super Unicorn and can one-shot you, which I’m going to call ‘starlighting’?”

“Not quite. I’m happy because, after I absorb Starlight Glimmer’s Super Unicorn magic, my power will be greater than I have ever dreamed. I can’t wait to see how massive my arms and pecs are going to be! Magic, come to pa--”

But before Tirek could start the absorption of Starlight’s magic, another light-blue beam was unleashed and it struck Tirek. Like Chrysalis, there was no scream from the impact of the immensely powerful blast. He hit and slid on the ground ten feet before stopping, remaining motionless.

Staring at the “starlighted” Tirek on the ground in horror, Cozy yelled, ”No! Not Tirek too!”

“Did you really think I would let him take my magic?” Starlight answered in a still deep and echoing voice. “Twilight might give him the chance to do it by giving a friendship speech, but not me.”

In a nervous voice, Empress Cozy spun to Grogar and muttered, “Uh, Grogar? Your turn.”

“Do not fret, Empress Cozy. My power is far beyond Chrysalis’s and Tirek’s. Give me five seconds to put this so-called ‘Super Unicorn’ in her--”

Another beam was fired to the (to anypony but the SU Starlight Glimmer) formidable Goat. As with Chrysalis and Tirek, there was no scream from Grogar, and he slammed and slid on the ground.

Starlight ceased glowing and she floated back to the ground. After a weary sigh, in her normal voice, she said, “As much as I would have liked to test my Super Unicorn magic against Grogar, I couldn’t risk it. If this happened in another forty years, I might have tried it. You know, with brain cells being the first things to go and all that. “

Knowing her plans came to a screeching halt, Cozy shook her head at the starlighted Grogar, Tirek, and Chrysalis. “No! This...this can’t be it! I was so close!”

Starlight walked to Cozy and said, “Now, Cozy, Even though I wouldn’t ‘starlight’ a filly, I’m sure you know running is out of the question. You want to just surrender?”

With her head up to Starlight, Cozy asked, “Will I have to go back to Tartarus?”

“Absolutely not! If you won’t let me help you with the friendship lessons I can teach you at the School of Friendship, you’re gonna be in a cell at a regular prison, so ponies can keep an eye on you."

Trixie interrupted, “Wait, there’s something I’ve always wondered, Starlight. Why did ex-Princess Celestia and ex-Princess Luna throw Cozy Glow in Tartarus in the first place? Couldn’t they have thrown her in a regular prison cell, and have her be heavily guarded?”

Starlight explained, “Easy. Like Grogar said, brain cells are the first thing to go when you get older, and Celestia and Luna are over one thousand years old.”

“Oh, good point,” Trixie replied. “But please don’t tell them I said that.”

“Eh, I would’ve gotten out of jail anyway. Do you know me?”

Starlight stared at Cozy more closely, realizing that Cozy is Cozy Glow. “Also good point, so I take back that ‘brain cell’ insult. But once you’re in your cell, I’m going to cast a spell over it that nopony will be able to open but me, so you won’t get out.”

“Aw.” Cozy turned to her now ex-Legion of Cozy members, who was still lying on the ground. “But what about Grogar, Tirek, and Chrysalis?”

Starlight answered, “Now, they I think are going to Tartarus, since I know they won’t reform.”

“In that case, can I go with them?”

“What?! Why?! They’re going to Tartarus!” Trixie exclaimed with her eyes widened.

“Is this another one of your tricks?” Starlight asked with a suspicious frown and eyes squinted.

Cozy shook her head. In a truly sincere voice, she explained, “No, not this time, I promise. When we were making plans to rule Equestria, I had a lot of fun with them, so I want to stay with Tirek, Chrysalis, and Grogar.”

Starlight gasped. She could not believe what she heard. Not only did Cozy want to go to Tartarus, she wanted to go with Tirek, Chrysalis, and Grogar!

Flabbergasted, Starlight turned to Trixie, who shrugged her shoulders and said, “Hey, don’t look at me.”

Starlight rested a hoof on her cheek. Cozy needed to be punished, so if she really wanted to go to Tartarus, maybe it would be all right to let her do it? “Well, if it’s okay with the Princesses and Royal Adviser Spike, I guess you can go to Tartarus with them.”

With Starlight’s words, Cozy smiled. Keeping Cozy with Trixie, trusting that her friend could handle the pink filly, Starlight traveled to Tartarus and freed Princess Twilight Sparkle, the other Princesses and ex-Princesses, Royal Adviser Spike, and Starswirl the Bearded.

One week later, Princess Twilight Sparkle came to an important decision.

In Starlight Glimmer’s office in the School of Friendship, Twilight was about to inform Starlight of her decision. The two stood opposite of each other. The office was decorated with kites and plants, including a green plant named “Phyllis” that sat near the edge of Starlight’s office table.

Hey, before you laugh too hard, at least Starlight went with “Phyllis”, not “Miss Philodendron”.

“Well, Starlight, I can’t tell you how proud I am of you for defeating Empress Cozy Glow and the Legion of Cozy, saved Equestria, and freed our friends and me from Tartarus.”

Starlight blushed and admitted, “Oh, thanks, Twilight, but I just did what anypony would have done.”

Twilight chuckled and waved a hoof. “Yeah, ‘anypony’ that unlocked the power of the legendary Super Unicorn.”

“Well, it doesn’t matter now, because I can't become a Super Unicorn again for another nine years, though I didn’t tell it to the ex-Legion of Cozy. Still, now that we know that you and the others are useless against threats, what do we do if another threat comes before I can go Super Unicorn again?”

“Well, I thought long and hard about it; for real this time. You have accomplished a lot since you reformed. You saved me and our friends from Chrysalis, reminded me of lessons I already learned, and ran the school in my place more than once before I named you permanent Headmare. And one week ago, you became a Super Unicorn and single-hoofly starlighted the Legion of Cozy to save Equestria once again. You have made me so proud, Starlight, and have proven yourself worthy to become both the Princess of Friendship and Equestria's ruler, and my friends and I will step down as co-rulers.”

Starlight’s eyes widened and her mouth dropped to the floor. Did she hear Twilight Sparkle correctly?! “Wait, WHAT?!!”

Twilight’s horn glowed magenta and on the sides of Starlight Glimmer, folded wings materialized. Starlight’s horn lengthened ever so slightly. A gold crown appeared on her head, bearing a design of her Cutie Mark. At the same time, Twilight’s Alicorn wings vanished, and her horn shrunk as much as Starlight’s horn grew.

“There! And Rainbow, Pinkie, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Applejack are no longer Alicorns either.”

Starlight’s eyes shrank back to normal size and her lower jaw also returned to its normal position. After a few inaudible stutters, as she stared at her new wings, Starlight asked, “But...but...why only me?!”

“Because we’re tired of getting captured, and I miss being a Unicorn.” Twilight pat Starlight’s back. “Tag, you’re ‘it’. And now I’m off to see if I can become a Super Unicorn too. Ooh, or maybe I can become the first-ever Super Unicorn 2!” Twilight hopped in circles around Starlight and continued, “But why stop there? I’ll go even further beyond and transform into a Super Unicorn 3, or even the fabled Super Unicorn God! Ooh, I can’t wait to try and I’ll see you later, Starlight!”

With a giddy grin, Twilight hopped out of Starlight’s office to attempt to shatter her Unicorn limits.

Starlight remained still for nine seconds before she asked, “Don’t I at least get a musical number like you said you got when you became an Alicorn, then later inexplicably forget how to fly?!”

Deep in Tartarus, ex-Empress Cozy Glow, Tirek, Chrysalis, and Grogar each sat in individual cages. The positions of the cages were similar to the corners of a square. Even before she was “granted” the titles of Princess of Friendship and the ruler of Equestria, Starlight Glimmer suggested giving them bigger cells, so these were fifteen-feet long and wide.

However, while Chrysalis could still shapeshift, an after-effect of being starlighted by a Super Unicorn took away Tirek’s, Chrysalis’s, and Grogar’s ability to use or absorb magic.

Chrysalis complained, “Well, this sucks.”

“No kidding. I didn’t want to be back here again!” Tirek whined.

“And I can’t believe you wanted to be here with us, Cozy!” Grogar said.

“Well, it was either this, prison, or learning so-called ‘true friendship’.”

Tirek commented, “Nuff said.”

“And besides, I liked being with you guys.”

“Well, I won’t lie. Forming our plans was...fun,” Grogar admitted.

Tirek added, “It wasn’t the most unpleasant thing I will admit.”

“Same here,” Chrysalis agreed. “So, now what?”

Grogar pulled on his beard, then smiled. “Oh, I know! Cozy, you said when Twilight found a grey hair she ‘twilighted’, right?”

“Oh yes! How bad did she twilight?” Tirek asked.

“Guys, it was so funny! You have no idea!”

“What exactly did she do? As a Changeling, I could imitate it!”

“Ooh, that’s a good idea! Tell her, Cozy!” Tirek implored.

“Okay, after you turn into Twilight, get your eyes big.”

Chrysalis used her power as a Changeling to shapeshift into an exact physical copy of Twilight Sparkle. She did what Cozy instructed and widened her eyes, like how the real Twilight often did when she was about to "twilight".

In Twilight’s voice Chrysalis asked, “Like this?”

“Yeah, now put your hooves on your face and gasp. Then fly back and forth, quickly say ‘I can’t be getting gray hair! Why am I getting it so soon?! This can’t be happening!’ and fly faster as you talk.”

Chrysalis followed Cozy’s instructions. She couldn’t fly high in her cell, but could leave the floor of her cell by three feet.

“Ha ha! Yeah, that’s it! That’s how she did it!”

While laughing heartily, Grogar said, “Oh, this is amazing! Maybe we shouldn’t have kept Twilight Sparkle imprisoned after all. Robbing Equestria of the kind of entertainment that her twilighting does is too evil, even for us!”

“And you know, it might not be so bad in here,” Tirek admitted, “if Chrysalis can do stuff like this for us.”

“Yeah, I can get used to this! Who needs that boring outside world?” Cozy commented.

While still in the form of Twilight, and in Twilight’s voice, Chrysalis chimed in, “And I can do this all day!”

The ex-Legion of Cozy would continue to laugh and make fun of ex-Princess Twilight Sparkle and their bond grew. Later, they would do the same with the rest of Twilight’s friends, and the four prisoners lived happily ever after in Tartarus.

Their shared hate towards Twilight and her friends, in an ironic twist, taught Cozy Glow, Tirek, Chrysalis, and Grogar friendship, albeit it was only with each other.

Author's Note

I could have helped, but I knew Starlight had this, so I sat back and watched with some popcorn. It's good stuff, you know.

-Discord, the Lord of Chaos

As much as I am ashamed to had been caught by those fiends, I am really proud of my descendant for becoming a Super Unicorn; something even I never did.

Surprised? You never noticed that her Cutie Mark is a star with what looks like swirls of gas? It took me some time to learn that Starlight Glimmer is my descendant too.

Now, I must be off to get some popcorn from Discord. It's almost time for Twilight to try to become a Super Unicorn again.

-Starswirl the Bearded