If You Give an Elephant a Sandwich
It was a beautiful day in Ponyville. Even better, a beautiful day that the School of Friendship was not in session, meaning Twilight and all her friends could spend it together. She couldn't ask for better ponies to work with, but simply spending time with them was something she treasured. She'd scheduled the picnic as soon as she saw the empty spot on her calendar. Everypony else had been too happy to join her. They did not get nearly enough time together just as friends and not coworkers or heroes.
Twilight trotted through the fields outside Ponyville, carrying a big basket of sandwiches she had made. Or rather, that Spike had made with a little of her help. A cook she was not. The important part was that she had food, though part of her wondered if she should have bothered; the grass was bright green and looked delicious.
She climbed up to the top of their favorite hill on the outskirts of town. Everypony but Fluttershy was already there waiting. "Hey girls," she said. They all returned the greeting. She set her basket down and took a seat.
They chatted as they waited for their missing member. Minutes passed, and there was still no sign of her; it wasn't like Fluttershy to be late. Everypony spread out across the hill to look for her.
At last, Pinkie shouted and pointed to a yellow pegasus wandering out of the edge of the Everfree. There was a young elephant by her side. She hurried over to the picnic when she saw them.
"Oh my gosh, girls. I'm so sorry. Muriel here wandered off into the forest, and I had to go looking for her. Oh you poor thing." She set about checking Muriel from trunk to tail for any injuries.
The elephant didn't pay her any mind. She just stared at their food. Quite intensely. Twilight saw a hungry look in her eyes. She picked up a sandwich with her magic and held it out. "Hey Fluttershy, she looks pretty hungry. Would a little of our food be okay for her?"
Fluttershy didn't get to answer because Muriel didn't wait for an answer. She sniffed at it, and snorted. It vanished up her trunk.
Twilight giggled. She was a cute little elephant.
Then Muriel trumpeted happily. She aimed her trunk at the rest of the food. There was a loud woosh and a rush of air as she sucked it all up, baskets, and plates, and all.
Nopony knew what to do. Fluttershy had stopped worrying over the elephant and was just gaping.
Rainbow Dash marched up to Muriel. "What the hay! That was our picnic." She glared at the elephant.
Muriel stared back. Slowly, she raised her trunk. There was another huge gust of mane-disheveling wind that pulled her into the elephant's nose. Everypony watched, stunned, as a bulging grey lump snaked up Muriel's trunk, coming to a stop at the base. It visibly bulged as Rainbow struggled inside.
It was Fluttershy's turn to admonish. "Muriel! That's not nic—"
She didn't get to finish; in an instant, she too was vacuumed up. She hardly made a sound as Muriel's trunk embraced her.
Shock paralyzed everypony else. For the moment, Rainbow and Fluttershy remained as a great lump in the elephant's trunk, but the thought that they could be swallowed at any second gripped Twilight.
Pinkie's mane began to rustle. The mare yelped, but wasn't able to move fast enough to avoid Muriel's trunk darting towards her. Like with the others, there was a powerful wind that sucked her in with a heavy schlunk.
Finally Applejack made some kind of recovery. "Alright. That's enough of that, ya varmint!" She produced her trusty lasso from under her hat and cast it at Muriel.
The rope sailed toward the elephant's neck, but with a flourish of her trunk she caught it. Applejack's eyes barely had time to go wide before she was the one being hauled along the rope. Muriel snorted, and the rope slithered up her trunk, taking Applejack with it. She was pulled right out from under her hat. It fluttered toward the ground for a second before the suction overcame gravity and pulled it too into the elephant's trunk.
Rarity screamed and ran. But she was hobbled, trying to shield her mane with a hoof as she fled. She didn't get far like that. Somehow, despite her trunk being filled with four ponies and a hat, Muriel trumpeted long and loud. She pointed her trunk at Rarity and inhaled with all the force she could muster. Rarity stopped. She was running in place, galloping, but not moving anywhere. Terror spread across her face as she lifted into the air and flew backwards. She was pulled into Muriel's trunk tail first.
Then it was just Twilight and the Elephant. Twilight stood her ground. That animal—that monster—had taken all of her friends, and there was no way she was going to abandon them. She stared it down and charged her horn.
She spoke slowly and sternly. "Listen up. You're going to spit my friends out right now, or this is going to get ugly."
Muriel's response was no surprise, and so Twilight was ready. Her legs were already braced when the first reverse blast of air came, pulling her forward. She teleported behind the elephant and gave her a good zap on the rump. Muriel roared.
Twilight didn't wait for another inhalation. As soon as Muriel turned around, she teleported back to her original position. She followed it up with another blast of magic.
She didn't expect that the same maneuver would work again, so when the elephant turned back around, her next teleport deposited her on the middle of it's back. More magic flowed into her horn, making it crackle menacingly. She didn't want to hurt the elephant, but there was no way she was going to let it swallow her friends, and she would do whatever she had to rescue them.
Her threat did not have the intended effect however. With surprising agility, given how full it was, the elephant's trunk whipped back and grabbed her horn, snuffing out the spell she had prepared. Unable to teleport and at point-blank range, Twilight never had a chance when she sucked her in.
The world spun as Muriel pulled her off her back and sucked her up. Against all anatomical reason, the elephants nostril easily stretched to engulf Twilight's head, and then her entire body. The world went black, and she was surrounded by warm, wet flesh. It wasn't soft flesh, Twilight struggled, but all around her were iron muscles. She tumbled around inside Muriel's trunk, eventually coming to a rest with a lump that she realized must have been Rarity against her back.
It wasn't often that Twilight had no idea what to do, but this sure was one of those moments. All the villains she and her friends had faced, and they had been beaten by an elephant? She couldn't even teleport out. Well, she could, but it wouldn't help anypony else, with everything all dark and cramped and moving around it was too dangerous to try to take the others with her.
They were well and truly stuck, and in such a ridiculous way that even Discord would have had trouble coming up with it. That was honestly most of what was keeping Twilight from making a plan. But she did need a plan, the elephant's teeth were not absurd, nor it's stomach. If it could vacuum them all up with its trunk, it could most certainly eat them all.
Even with six ponies lodged in her trunk, Muriel's rampage showed no signs of stopping. Other objects joined Twilight. Clods of grass and dirt, twigs and branches. Suddenly there was a squirrel running around on her face. But it was small enough to scurry back out.
Then the rest of their picnic got the trunk. Twilight felt the suction, the air rushing past her, and closed her eyes against the shower of objects that pelted her, their blanket, plates and cups. And, when she opened them again, in the dim light of her horn, she saw the salt and pepper shakers. Her eyes went wide—they were saved.
She grabbed the pepper shaker and tore the lid off, dumping its contents everywhere. Instantly, she felt her face tightening as a series of sneezes forced their way out of her. But that was nothing compared to the trembling around them. She felt Muriel lurch, her trunk swung around wildly. The muscles around her tensed, and then launched all six of them out like cannon balls.
Twilight slammed against the ground, rolling for a distance, and finally coming to a stop against the base of a tree. Her friends were sprawled out around her. Muriel stamped around, sneezing over and over as they all got up. They were bruised and covered in elephant snot, but otherwise unhurt.
Fluttershy of course rushed over to check on Muriel. After a series of increasingly loud sneezes, she gave a last deafening blast, and shot a sprig of poison joke onto the ground. "Oh, you poor thing," Fluttershy said.
Twilight just stared at that cursed plant that had ruined their picnic.
