Don't Mess Up

by ABadger

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random, Twilight Sparkle, Discord, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1449

Twilight TRIES to learn Chaos Magic

Have You Ever wanted to succeed in everything you have ever done? Well just follow these simple instructions which will be presented in Discord's Lecture about the fundamentals of Chaos Magic!

Comedy tag is questionable

Published 2019-09-29 22:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-09-29 22:50:01 UTC

The Best Speech

When attempting to understand the fundamentals of Chaos Magic one must first understand the fundamentals of Regular Magic.

It's essential when attempting to extract arcane flow, also known as mana, from the air onto a protruding organ, in such a fashion that said mana does not inhibit, nor harm, the internally projected energy, which the mana will adhere to, that one does not make a mistake.

In other words, Don't Mess Up when casting a spell.

Don't Mess Up in drawing Mana,

Don't Mess Up when using your energy,

Don't Mess Up when fabricating the spell,

Oh in case you do happen to Mess Up,

Don't.

It's an advance concept that many ponies have attempted to master. For example one of the best not mess uppers in the history of not messing up is Starswung the Mustachioed. He didn't mess up when messes upped and messes down, rather he kept his head up and his messes right, I mean left. Starswung the Mustachioed kept his messes left and his head forward. It's best explained in his famous quote.

"If you do the thing, And you do it right, And You Don't Mess Up. It works. It just works." - Starswung the Mustachioed probably.

Make sure that you don't Mess Down. Messing Down is the worst possible thing you can do.

Except for maybe Messing Up.

Messing Right is also worse.

Definitely don't Mess Right.

However this gets more complicated when attempting to learn how to do Chaos Magic.

Chaos Magic is interesting because it is fundamentally different from every other arcane type. The biggest difference is that Chaos Magic does not follow the fundamental arcane rules: The Conservation of Magical Energy, The Constant Spiral of Magical Energy, and The Natural Matter and Magical Energy interaction. Without this many key arcane concepts are thrown out. Users of Chaos Magic can seemingly bend reality without these rules applying to them. Chaos Magic does have a few specific rules; for example, The Rule of Spontaneous Implosion, The Rule of Cubed Instability, and The Rule of Magical Bursts. Chaos Magic is also still subject to the single most important rule of arcane application.

Don't Mess Up.

Many ponies confuse Messing Up with Messing Left. You want to Mess Left as it grants you the ability to fix your mistakes and improve upon yourself, unlike Messing Up. When Practicing Chaos Magic one must always be ready and prepared to Mess Left. Messing Left is a great tool at, so be ready to use it.

Unlike that Dreaded Messing Right.

No one likes you Messing Right.

Go Home.

Now some more astute ponies might ask the question,

"But Mr. Discord Sir, isn't messing up a fundamental part of improving. When you Mess Up you can understand what your doing incorrectly and therefore improve upon it."

To which I respond,

No you're wrong, you probably Messed Up your Messing Directions.

Unfortunately you Messed Right the difference between Messing Up and Messing Left.

Don't Mess Down again astute pony, okay?

It is essential that you understand the fundamental differences of the Messing Directions.

If you Mess Up your Messing Directions it is Messing Down which causes Messing Right. When Messing Right you Mess Down your Messing Up while Messing Up. Messing Up is just Messing Up but can also refer to Messing Right and Messing Down but can't refer to Messing Left. Most people mean Messing Left when they say Messing Up, however. The moral of the story is,

Don't Mess Up,

Don't Mess Down,

Don't Mess Right,

But Mess Left Often.

Any Messing Direction can be Messing Left as long as you try to accept the Messing Up as part of the process. Once you do you Mess Left. Good Job on Messing Left, make sure to do that often.

Now that you are educated in the basics of Messing Up and Messing Directions. Now go out and make your Messing Right Messing Left and your Messing Up Messing Left, and your Messing Down into Messing Up into Messing Left. This ends ultimately with Messing Left. You must always Mess Left.

Now do you understand that Messing Directions are essential when Preforming any form of Magic.

Now you are closer to becoming more like Starswung the Mustachioed.

Starswung would be proud,

If he wasn't dead.

How did he die, you might ask? Well I'm sure you already know the answer.

One of his spells backfired greatly, causing a giant flaming explosion aimed directly at his face.

In other words he messed up.

I do mean messing up of course. After all I don't Mess Down, Starswung messed up. He didn't Mess Left because he died, so he never got a chance to Mess Left.

Now that the fundamentals of Messing Up and Messing Left are not only applicable in Magic Application. The Messing Directions can also be used in all sorts of different activities.

Did you get a new friend? Don't Mess Up.

Did you get a marefriend? Don't Mess Up.

Are you engaged to your new girlfriend? Don't Mess Up.

Are you now married to your girlfriend making her your wife? Don't Mess Up.

Did you discover that your new wife is cheating on you with your new wife? You have my empathy.

Do you now try to drown your sorrows in alcohol? Don't Mess Up

Did you eventually meet somepony else in the bar where you drown yourself in alcohol? Don't Mess Up.

Did you fall in love with this pony so you decided to quit drinking in order to be there for her? Don't Mess Up

Did you eventually marry her and have a children together so that you now live happily ever after?

Well you Didn't Mess Up

Those are just a few examples of what not Messing Up can do for you! Imagine what could happen if you Don't Mess Up. The possibilities are endless, and all you need to do is to not Mess Up.

It is important that in any activity that you do you don't Mess Up. It is also important to try to Mess Left as often as possible. Although this concept is fundamental to magical studies, both Chaos Magic and Other Forms of Magic, it can branch out and be useful in any activity that you decide to take interest in. So remember, in case you have any doubt on your abilities, in case you don't know what to do, in case you need some life advice, just remember.

Don't.

Mess.

Up.

Author's Note

I just sorta came up with the idea and ran with it.

` Did this make zero sense?

Well then you Probably Messed Up

The Best Reaction

Twilight gawked at Discord. Her mouth slightly agaped while she stared dumbfounded at the ex-Lord of Chaos.

She had just been the first pony to witness Discord's incredible speech about the Fundamentals of Chaos Magic.

Except there wasn't actually much talk about Chaos Magic. Instead the speech consisted of crazed explanations of Not Messing Up, Backhanded Remarks, and some pony named Starswung the Moustachioed, who sounded like a bootlegged version of Starswirl the Bearded.

"So what do you think Princess," - Discord blew out LITERAL raspberries at Twilight as he said Princess - "Do you think I'm ready for my PonTalk this weekend"

Twilight blinked.

Then she blinked again.

Then she blinked five more times.

Her mouth finally closed and she came to one conclusion.

After all the talks about Messing Up, and Messing Directions, and Drinking until you find love; which, somehow relates to Messing Up, she decided it would be best if she made her opinion on Discord's PonTalk Speech as clearly as possible.

"WHAT THE BU-"

Author's Note

This was, basically, all of my friend's reactions when I asked them to proofread my story.

Also if you REALLY want an explanation for the Messing Directions then Fine. Although Personally I think it's better left ambiguous.

Messing Up - This Refers to making a mistake in general, as long as it isn't confusing the different Messing Directions

Messing Down - This refers to messing up the messing directions. If you say Messing Up when its really Messing Left, then you Messed Down.

Messing Right - This refers to making multiple mistakes at once. Usually either within a given time period or within the same sentence.

Messing Left - This is when you make a mistake, but you admit that you made a mistake. This refers to the whole 'A mistake is only a mistake if you don't try to improve'. Any Messing Direction can be Messing Left, but only if you recognize the mistake.