Dying is Lame

by LIGHTNINGinTHEdark

Rating: teen
Tags: Spike, Comedy, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Death
Length: 1369

Princess Twilight Sparkle is experiencing kidney failure. How inconvenient.

Go on a journey with Twilight Sparkle as her kidneys are failing, and she only has a short while left to live. That wouldn't be a problem, except for her not being able to finish the latest Daring Do novel before she bites the dust. Mildly annoying, if you ask me.

Submitted as an entry in a 1 hour speedwriting contest.
Contest held by none other than the Oscar nominated writer of My Little Dashie himself.

Published 2019-09-20 22:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-09-20 22:10:01 UTC

Chapter 1: The Finale

Hoofsteps pacing back and forth. Sweat dripping from two distinctly purple brows. One set of wings shuffling with mild nervousness. This was the current state Princess Twilight Sparkle was in, shortly following the news she received from the Doctor.

“Ya know, Twilight. It’s not the end of the world. I’ll hardly even know you’re gone.” The purple dragon said, trying to reassure his alicorn friend that everything is going to be fine. Spike had no shock in his heart for this situation. The dragon had always assumed Twilight and her friends would find someway out of their current predicament. This time was no different at all.

“Spike, I’m not worried about you. I’m worried about all the things I had to do today. I had set up this whole day to read the latest Daring Do novel that just came out. I’m on the last chapter and I’ll never be able to finish it now. UGH!” The princess slumped down to the floor, annoyed, but no more than usual. “Nurse Redheart said I was dying and I won’t make it through another 3 hours. What am I supposed to do with that time, Spike? Go to the spa to enjoy my last moments in Ponyville? Go to the Apple Farm and have one last feast? I don’t want to do ANY of that.” The purple mare let out a loud sigh, and spoke softly. “I just wanted to finish my book.”

The princess eyed the newest entry in the Daring Do franchise with a whimpering expression. Bottom lip raised. Eyes very puppy dog-like. Almost as if the alicorn was trying to send a message.

Spikes expression went from compassionate and empathetic, to completely stone cold. “Twilight… “ The dragon crossed his arms. “Stop being foalish and pull yourself together. Ponies die all the time. Frankly you’re being a little ridiculous.” The purple and green dragon stuck his nose up in disapproval of his pony friend’s current actions.

As soon as Twilight heard Spike say that she turned off the sobbing act. “Ugh! Spike you wouldn’t understand. Me and Rainbow Dash were supposed to hang out tomorrow and talk all about the Daring Do adventures that take place at the end of the book. She’s been dying for me to finish the end. Rainbow said that the ending is so great I would never experience anything better as long as I lived.” The pastel mare gripped the dragon’s face. “Do you know what that means, Spike? Do you?!” The alicorn had one eye so far open, Spike was almost worried it would fall out right there. “ This means there will be a piece of written literature out there that everypony in Equestria loves. I book that’s held up in such a high regard that ponies throughout the ages will be singing its praises… and I... won’t get… to read it…” Twilight was noticeably pouting and irritated. She couldn’t bare the thought of other creatures reading something that she will never have the opportunity to read. The idea shook her to her very core.

Spike chimed in. “Well, ya know… There is always the possibility that you’ll be able to read the book in the next life. I heard that when ponies pass on, they go to a big-”

“Stop trying to make me feel better. You know those are just silly stories. I’d be better off just hearing the summary from Rainbow Da-” The alicorn princess had the stop herself before she could finish. Her eyes widened from pure shock of what she just uttered. One of the things Twilight detested the most was ponies who just read the summary of a story instead of reading the entire piece. The mere thought of somepony doing that made her want to leap out of her own skin. However, in this situation, for the briefest of moments, she had considered it. The feeling of disgust she had towards herself at this moment was simply immeasurable. “NO! I am NOT a SKIPPER! I refuse to be one of those fakers who think they can just jump in and understand the entire narrative. There’s a reason the books were written, for Celestia’s sake!”

Spike raised one eyebrow, and spoke with immense sarcasm. “Good to see, you’re finally pulling yourself together.”

Twilight regained her composure, somewhat. She put on her well-behaved voice and uttered thus. “Regardless of my health, I refuse to stoop to the level of those who would disgrace literature in such a way.” The purple princess raised her nose, not unlike her dragon friend did just moments before.

The pony began pacing once more. Despite her coming to her senses, in her own little Twilight way, she was still in a bit of a pickle. ‘Dying wasn’t supposed to be this inconvenient.’ She thought. All of the books she had read on the subject drove her to believe death was a peaceful release from the mortal world. Death is supposed to be a beautiful end to a wonderful life. However, at this moment, she was far from beautiful or peaceful.

The alicorn princess’s eye began to twitch in a way only Twilight Sparkles eye could. Her pacing and her eye tick began to project second-hoof anxiety onto Spike.

“Woah, woah, woah. Take it easy, Twilight. It’s… just a book.” The dragon stated, with immediate regret that he had chosen those words.

‘Just a book?’ She thought. ‘Who does that little uneducated dragon think he is insulting one of my favourite adventure series like that?’ She wanted to say. ‘I should teach him a lesson for saying something so ridiculous.’ These thoughts, and a hundred others began to race around in her head, but none made their way out of her mouth. Instead she gritted her teeth for a second, before calming down. The purple pony sat down and admitted defeat. She had no element of harmony to get herself out of this. No magic spell to heal the irreversible damage to her internal organs. She didn’t even have a compelling speech to make her kidneys have a sudden change of heart and ultimately become a friend, and occasionally get their own dedicated adventures… and that last one always works. Instead she simply sighed and said. “Dying is lame.” With a somehow audible frown.

Spike, being the voice of reason, felt he had to find someway to help. That’s when a lightbulb appeared over his forehead, for no explainable reason. “ TWILIGHT! What if you just read the end of the book before you died? You’re one of the fastest readers in all of Equestria right. There’s no way you won’t be able to finish it by the time you croak.”

Twilight’s eyes shot wide open. “Spike, you’re a genius!” She began to prance around the room, almost mimicking one of Rainbow Dash’s victory laps. The mare floated the latest Daring Do novel in front of her and cracked in open to the page she was last on. She removed her Celestia-themed bookmark and gazed at the name of the last chapter ‘All is Revealed.’ Twilight was almost vibrating with excitement. “Okay, Spike, just to make sure, how long ago did we go to see Nurse Redheart to find out the news?”

Spike looked at his wrist that had no watch or time-telling device of any sort. “Well uh, I guess it was like 3 hours ago.” The dragon stated, tired of all he's had to deal with in these last moments. “ Though I doubt-”

The baby dragon looked over at Twilight to see her on the floor of the castle. Eyes half shut, and a very displeased expression on her face. “This really isn’t funny... like at all.” She uttered, before finally kicking the bucket.

The purple and green dragon gave a sigh of relief. He no longer had to deal with Twilight’s Twilighting. Not long after, his eyes shot open and a sharp-toothed grin appeared on his face. He cocked his head back and yelled. “DISCORD! BIG MAC! WE CAN PLAY O&O IN TWILIGHT’S ROOM!!!”

Author's Note

Haven't edited anything yet. I may touch it up a bit at a later date.