Tell Me All Your Secrets I Need To Know Them Please!

by Strawberry Sunrise

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Starswirl the Bearded, Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1434

Twilight wants to know all of Starswirl's secrets. Starswirl just wants to get on with his day.

Twilight wants to know all of Starswirl's secrets. Starswirl just wants to get on with his day.

Now with a dramatic reading by VisualPony! Check it out here.

Published 2019-09-20 16:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-09-20 16:30:01 UTC

Not Again!

“Tell me all your secrets I need to know them please!” Twilight Sparkle shouted as one long run-on sentence as she clung to Starswirl the Bearded’s leg. He was attempting to walk away, but to his irritation, he found himself simply dragging Twilight along instead.

“No,” Starswirl said, and teleported away. He glanced around quickly, checked his leg, and was satisfied that Twilight hadn't managed to follow him to Canterlot. With a sigh of relief, he began to walk down the street, using his magic to tip his hat to other ponies walking by every once in a while.

On one of these occasions, a pony threw a few bits into his hat. Starswirl was forced to explain that he wasn’t a Starswirl impersonator, but rather Starswirl himself. The pony fainted. After a moment’s hesitation, Starswirl left, deciding to keep the bits. The pony had still given them willingly, even if there was a bit of a misunderstanding, and Starswirl was somewhat hard up for cash these days. His descendants had been too frivolous with his money, and he himself had admittedly neglected to keep anything aside in case of unexpected travel to the future – an obvious omission in hindsight.

He was scheduled to meet with Celestia and Luna in an hour or two, but in the meantime, he thought he might as well find a decent place for dinner now that he had a few bits. Looking around, he spied –

“Tell me all your secrets I need to know them please!” Twilight Sparkle shouted, jumping out from an alleyway and latching onto his leg again. He sighed. This was just one of those days, wasn’t it?

“Twilight, we’ve been over this,” he said in exasperation. “I can’t just give that kind of information away willy-nilly, and even if I could, it would take a long time and a lot of study.”

“Study?!” Twilight said with a huge smile. “Studyyyyyyy.” She drew the last “y” sound out for several seconds.

“Look, I’m not entirely opposed to teaching you some things,” Starswirl said. “I’m sure you would be a worthy student. But I just don’t have the time. Not to mention that I stored the memories of many of my most important magical secrets within an artifact back at my laboratory. I still haven’t been able to find it since my arrival in this time.” Another sigh. “Again, we’ve been over this already.”

“So if I find your artifact, then you’ll teach me?” Twilight asked.

“I…I suppose, when I have time,” Starswirl said, a bit surprised. The conversation hadn’t taken this track before.

“What does it look like?” Twilight asked, letting go of his leg.

“I don’t remember. I stored that knowledge in it, too,” Starswirl said.

“You…” Twilight started, and frowned. “Why?”

“I don’t remember,” Starswirl said.

Twilight’s face scrunched up in thought, and then she brightened up again. “Research it is, then! There’s got to some record of your artifact somewhere!”

“Perhaps,” Starswirl said. Twilight smiled and ran off, not even taking the time to say goodbye.

“Well, that should hold her for a while,” he thought. There was no such artifact. Or at least, he didn’t think there was. He couldn’t remember for sure. But the idea had been nagging at him for a while, and it did feel like something was missing in his mind. The artifact thing seemed like something he might do, and perhaps some past version of himself had left that lingering thought in his mind on purpose. It might still be worth a look through the Canterlot archives, and he figured Twilight would have likely gone there first. Either she’d find something useful or she’d just be out of his way, and no real harm would be done in any case since she loved research, anyway.

He picked a restaurant and ordered a hayburger and fries. They hadn’t had those back in his old time and he found them surprisingly tasty. This wasn’t the first time he had had them since arriving in the present, of course, though he didn’t have them very often since they weren’t exactly the healthiest food in the world. He needed to stay in peak health to have the energy necessary to carry out some of his spellwork, but he could still indulge himself now and then. When he was done eating, he headed toward the castle for his meeting with Celestia and Luna.

As soon as he had walked through the main entrance, he –

"Tell me all your secrets I need to know them please!” Twilight Sparkle shouted, running at him from a side hallway and grabbing his leg yet again.

“What? I thought you were looking for the artifact,” Starswirl replied.

“The artifact?” Twilight asked.

A few minutes later and a trip to the Canterlot Castle library and the two of them worked out that in the process of conducting research regarding memory artifacts, Twilight had accidentally wiped her own memory of the past hour or so. Starswirl cast the counterspell to restore it and they parted ways again.

Finally, it was time for his meeting with Celestia and Luna. They wanted to discuss bringing him on as a professor at Celestia’s magic school, and of course he said, “Yes.” Sure, he had told Twilight he was busy, and it was true - he was busy with his own research and simply getting acquainted with the world of the present. But when you get an offer like that from the Princesses, you don’t turn it down. Plus it would help with his money issues, as the salary was quite generous.

It was getting dark as he left the castle, so he headed to his current home – a small rental apartment above a flower shop in Ponyville. After a quick stretch, he took off his hat and his robe, climbed into bed, and closed his eyes.

“Tell me all your secrets I need to know them please!” Twilight shouted, having just teleported into his apartment. Not again! Since he’d already covered himself with a blanket, she couldn’t grab his leg this time, but she still stood uncomfortably close, and he didn’t particularly appreciate her popping into his home unannounced.

“Twilight, please, I’m trying to…” he started to say, when she interrupted.

“I found it!” Twilight said excitedly.

“The artifact?” Starswirl asked, sitting up in his bed. It was real? “Where is it?” She didn’t seem to have brought anything.

“It’s your hat!” she said. “I had to go through over fifty-seven books on memory charms, and nothing seemed to be much use to yours specifically since artifacts like the one you described can be pretty much anything the owner wants, but then I came across this!” An old book materialized in front of her and she flipped to a page inside. She pointed to a note in the margin on the right. “That’s your hornwriting, isn’t it?”

Starswirl looked, and indeed it was. “Memories in hat. Don’t forget,” it read simply. Clearly he had intended that as a note for himself so that he’d still be able to retrieve his memories once the spell had been completed, but he still wasn’t sure why he would have felt the need to do the spell in the first place. Especially with an item that he always carried around with himself, anyway – it wasn’t like it was particularly secure. But oh, well. He must have had his reasons, and he’d know what they were soon enough. But not right now.

Twilight was bending and unbending her legs slightly over and over, not moving her hooves but nevertheless bouncing with restless anticipation. “See, you just need to cast this spell and then –“

“Twilight, I’m tired and it’s been hundreds of years.” Starswirl said. “One more night won’t make a difference. Thank you for finding that for me – really – but I’d like to get some sleep. If you could, please leave the book on my side table and let me rest.”

Twilight put the book on the table. “So now you’ll…“ she started to say, but Starswirl interrupted.

“Yes, I’ll teach you some of my secrets,” he said with a begrudging smile. “You’ve earned it.”

Twilight squeed in excitement, placed the book on the side table, and teleported out of the apartment.

Finally some peace and quiet. Starswirl had to admit it – he was curious about what memories he had stored in his hat. But as he had told Twilight, that could wait. Yawning, he covered himself with the blanket and went to sleep.