Sunset practically collapsed onto her couch, every muscle burning and aching from hours of abuse on top of several days of the same. She’d been avoiding thinking about what had happened by any means available, and so far, the most effective was exercising herself to exhaustion, followed by a scalding hot shower and collapsing into bed. Doing it that way meant that she didn't dream, something she was glad about. The dreams couldn't seem to decide if they wanted to be nightmares that woke her screaming and left her sobbing, or wonderful memories that left her sobbing upon waking with the reality of how her heart was broken in her chest.

There had been nothing yet from Twilight or her family, other than a few brief texts from Twilight Velvet reminding her that she needed to eat and take care of herself. Not that eating held much appeal…everything tasted of mud and ashes in her mouth, and made her stomach churn unpleasantly.

The redhead reached up and found the shirt that she had bought Twilight on their big date, and pulled it to her, hugging it and burying her face in the fabric. The faint touch of honeysuckle and old books made her eyes burn and throat constrict, but she couldn't stop herself. It was like being an addict…except her poison of choice was a dark haired human girl who made her feel…

Her brain shied away. No. She couldn't—admitting it had only ever meant pain and loss. It meant abandonment and loneliness and Sunset Shimmer being denied things that every other pony seemed to have.

—Hate to tell you this, horn-head, but…you're already hurting. All you’re accomplishing is lying to yourself, and you know nothing good ever comes from that.—

“Nothing good comes from the truth either,” she hissed.

—You don't believe that,— the voice chastised. —You did, once, but you know it’s different now. You’re not the same mare you were a year ago.—

A low whine escaped her unbidden. “I can't,” she said with a shake of her head. She knew the voice was right, but she didn't want to think about it…

—You can,— came the retort. —You already know deep down. Why are you so afraid?—

Sunset gripped the shirt tighter to her. “You already know the moon-banished reason!” she snarled back.

—Maybe because you need to say it!—

Rage flared, and Sunset hurriedly tossed the shirt to the other end of the couch before her hands burst into flame. “Fine!” The redhead clenched her fists. “It’s because any time I admit I love somepony, I lose them! And I don't want to lose her!”

—Because you love her.—

“Yes! I love her, okay! I’m completely in love with Sparky, and I don't know if she still wants me!”

The words took all the white hot fury out of her, and Sunset crumpled back onto the couch, reaching desperately for the rainbow marked t-shirt like a lifeline. She sobbed into the fabric, tears burning like acid on her skin. Admitting it had been both painful and a relief, but it didn't stop the way her heart felt like it was shards of glass in her chest. Nothing except a long talk and an apology from Twilight would fix that—something she had no way of making happen any sooner. Instead, the former unicorn saw the hurt and betrayal in purple eyes, the frustration and anger from believing Sunset had broken her trust…

That part hurt too; that Twilight had so readily assumed it was Sunset who had spilled the oats. In all the time they’d been friends, Sunset had never broken Twilight’s confidence. The former unicorn knew all too well what that kind of betrayal felt like, and once she had set her hooves on a path to being a better mare, she would never do such a thing ever again. Lying and backstabbing had been a core part of the monster she had been, and she no longer wanted any part of that side of herself.

Even if the presence of the demon’s voice talking to her proved she would never be rid of the darkness of her past.

—You needn't be so hurtful,— it said quietly. —Your past does not have to define who you have to become.—

“But it shows who I have been, what I’m capable of…and the old me would have thought nothing of breaking someone’s trust. Look at all the times I manipulated others,” she snuffled miserably.

—And all the times you didn’t manipulate Twilight,— was the reply.

“She thinks I did,” she countered, feeling the fresh wave of tears coming on. “I should have told her sooner…”

—Why didn't you?—

Sunset curled into a miserable ball. Why? Because she had been a selfish coward. She was afraid that the truth would be too much for Twilight, afraid that when it all came to light, Sunset would be left behind…again.

—How is that selfish?—

Because she’d also enjoyed the thrill of having Twilight all to herself. Once the truth came out, there was no more reason to keep Twilight separated from five girls who had the potential to be some of the best friends she would ever have…and a whole lot of other people who would be great friends to the nerdy girl. A lot of people who weren't Sunset. Who were better people than Sunset.

Some part of her didn't really want to share Twilight’s time with half of the students at CHS, didn't want others to be part of their Friday night sleepovers or museum trips…and that had meant she hadn't pushed more to talk to the princess or worked to come clean sooner.

In the end, it hadn't done her any good.

Instead, her very fear had caused the outcome that terrified her most. She could see it, in the memory of Twilight’s gaze and voice, practically begging for answers, her eyes demanding to know why Sunset hadn't told her yet. Even knowing that Twilight had discovered something, Sunset had not shared. She’d been panicked and confused and tongue tied when it had mattered most.

She had messed up. The redhead had been so focused on herself, she hadn't bothered to consider what Twilight really needed from her. Her girlfriend should have been told the truth as soon as Sunset realized that Crystal Prep was steeped in dark magic.

If she lost Twilight now…it would be all her fault.

Wallowing in her own tears and misery, Sunset almost missed the sound of someone knocking on her door. Her heart leapt into her throat—only about half a dozen people knew where she lived, and chief among them was Twilight. Hoping against hope, the teen bolted for the door, threw open the locks and jerked the door open…

Only for it to be Cadence standing on her front step with a cooler in one hand and a very worried expression on her face. “Mom sent me over with some goodies, and I wanted to check on you,” she offered gently. “Can I come in?” The meaning was clear—she didn't want Sunset to have to be seen upset on her front porch.

Wordlessly, Sunset stepped aside to let the woman in, and shut the door softly behind her. She didn't care for anyone in her neighborhood to see her looking weepy and upset—she might have changed, but she didn't fancy word of it getting back to the delinquents that had seemed to finally learn to stay away from her loft. Sighing, Sunset trudged back to the couch and flopped down, reaching for the shirt to cuddle it to her some more.

Cadence looked around, ignoring the scattered odds and ends…and the shirt that Sunset was clutching like a child’s comfort toy. “I know you’re probably still upset and hurting, Sunset…but I need to ask…are you okay?” A head shake made her continue the line of questioning. “Did something else happen…no? Okay, so…it's more about Twilight and what happened? Can you talk to me about it? I can't help if I don't know what the problem is.”

Her throat was tight so all she could do was shake her head. She couldn't explain it all anyway—some of it, she just didn't have words for, and some of it… Some of it, she needed Twilight to hear when she said it. Especially the most important bit. That was for Twilight to hear from her before any other living being.

Twilight had to be the first person to know that Sunset Shimmer loved her.

The weight of it all crashed into the former unicorn once more, and she was crying again, those broken, wrenching sobs that felt like her emotions were turning her inside out. She curled around the cotton fabric in her hands, unable to do anything else, startling a little when the couch sank next to her and arms pulled her out of the hunched ball and into a hug.

“It's going to be okay, Sunset…just let it out,” Cadence murmured. “Its okay to cry and hurt and be scared.”

—She’s right, horn-head…bottling it up never did us any favors.—

Sunset struggled with herself, mentally exhausted but clawing at her emotions in an increasingly desperate yet futile attempt to rein it all back in. She hated being this weak and vulnerable around anyone…she had spent so long taking care of herself that the very idea of a crack in the wall was terrifying, even when it was people she felt she could trust. “…no…” she rasped out, sounding like she was choking on glass and razorblades, trying to hold back her tears. It was like trying to hold back the ocean with a net; the tears burned hot tracks down her face and she shook with hiccupping sobs as she fought to contain it all.

Her body and magic rebelled, and the voice that was suddenly not so stupid or little yelled at her amidst the roaring, rushing in her ears, —Stop fighting it! Something has to give, horn-head! Which is safer? Emotions or magic?! Because if you don't let the feelings out, your magic will let itself out, and we are not in the right place for that! It would kill you and Cadence both!—

“No…!” Sunset whimpered, and chose, letting her emotions go to stop her magic from reacting. The world blurred around her, not just from tears, but from the way her magic boiled her nerves. Everything was disconnected compared to that, and she was loosely aware that her body had sagged into Cadence as she hiccupped and wept. It was almost an out-of-body experience, as she knew in some fashion that her girlfriend’s sister figure was murmuring soothing things, hugging her and letting her cry herself out, but it felt like it was happening to someone else and she was merely an observer…

And soon enough, she was not even that, as darkness stole over her, and her exhausted body slipped into unconsciousness.

The crying jag had passed, traded in for shuddering breaths that slowly evened out into sleep, and Cadence looked down at the teenager who had passed out into her lap. “Oh, Ladybug,” she whispered sadly. “I wish you could see just what you’ve done…I think it would break your heart even more than it does mine…” Carefully, she moved the sleeping girl onto the pillow that had been laying on the couch so she could stand without waking her up.

Sunset shifted, curling a little until her nose was pressed to the shirt she’d been clinging to—one of Twilight’s, if Cadence was to guess. The gesture was so sweet, showing how, even in sleep, Sunset sought out Twilight for comfort…and yet…it was heart wrenching for the same reason, because Twilight had, in a moment of assumption and overreaction, crushed Sunset so utterly that the girl looked like a ghost going through the motions…

And the fact that Twilight couldn't…or wouldn't…see what she had done was perhaps the worst part. According to Velvet, she was refusing to discuss things with her parents, slipping out early to go hole up in the lab all day or make her own way to school before anyone else was on the main floor. When they tried at dinner, where Twilight was barely eating, picking at her food and eager to escape back to her room, Twilight grew defensive and stonewalled attempts at communication. It almost felt like Twilight was acting as if she was the one nursing the broken heart and feeling of betrayal, not Sunset.

Cadence found a blanket to cover Sunset up with, tucking it in so she wouldn't get cold, and took the chance to transfer the cooler’s contents to Sunset’s freezer and fridge, neatly labeled containers of all of the teen’s favorites, including a batch of oatmeal-raisin-and-almond cookies that Sunset could eat by the plate full. This prompted her to also pick up the trash, clothing, and school supplies that were strewn about, and to borrow the bathroom sink to wash a couple of bowls that still had leftovers in them. As she did, she noticed a top draped over the stair railing. Dark blue, it was emblazoned with Canterlot High’s mascot and logo on the front, along with “2014 Friendship Games Team.” A peek at the back showed a rainbow and more writing that spelled out: “Shimmer - Team Captain.”

“Oh!” The exclamation was soft, and Cadence’s heart hurt even more, because it felt like this bit of unexpected news would have fallen into the category of things Sunset would have shared with them over the weekend if things had gone better. “Congratulations, Sunset,” she told the sleeping teenager. “It sounds to me like you earned it…and I know everyone at the house would be excited for you…”

She borrowed a chair, a pen, and a loose sheet of notebook paper from an open package on Sunset’s desk, and started scribbling a note for her to find when she woke up—maybe on the fridge or the back of her front door? As she did, her mind wandered to the Games, and the story Sunset had told about how Canterlot High had chosen its team—a story backed by Lu when she talked to her about it. It was so different to how Crystal Prep chose their team.

Or rather, how Principal Abacus Cinch picked the students for the team…

Mi Amore Cadenza froze in the middle of signing her name to the note, and rewound her thoughts.

Cinch chose the team members, and she chose a rough mix of the highest scoring academics and highest performing athletes in the school so they could steamroll CHS in both the “Aca-Deca” and the “Sports” competitions.

Twilight was the highest scoring academic in the school. Her little sister was always excited to show her scores and grades, and they all knew her class ranking in academics was number one. The only reason she hadn’t graduated already was because Velvet and Night had both been concerned that she was already socially behind her peers, between skipping two grades already back in elementary and her particular difficulties with social interaction, and that throwing her into the shark tank of a competitive college environment—likely away from home—was not a healthy place for a girl who still didn't have a driver’s license.

So why wasn’t Twilight on the team?

Cadence frowned as she thought about it. Principal Cinch might’ve skipped Twilight because of the recent legal troubles, but…somehow she doubted that. The drive to succeed and beat competition that was the atmosphere of Crystal Prep, and the behavior of a woman who believed herself the absolute ruler of her domain did not lend itself to CPA accepting a subpar Friendship Games Team. She would have wanted the school’s “resident genius” on the team to sweep the academic portion of the competition, and Abacus Cinch wasn't the type to take no for an answer.

That meant Twilight was on the team.

So why hadn’t she said anything? Why had it not been uncovered by Night and Velvet or the family lawyers? Was this why Cinch was prevaricating over Twilight’s case? Did Twilight even know? Or was Cinch intending on pulling a fast one at the last minute the morning of the Games and putting Twilight on the bus under some kind of threat to her project grade or record? The last one fell in line with what she had been learning about her former principal and what Sunset herself had suggested the woman might try just to get her way.

The woman hurriedly finished signing the note and stuck it at eye level to Sunset’s refrigerator. She checked on the teen one final time before slipping out, locking the door as best she could. She needed to get home and make some phone calls.

Author's Note

It seems that the fallout continues.

Sunset finally admits something important to herself, as hard as it was...

And the family is not abandoning her to her emotional upheaval. They're trying hard to balance Sunset's desire for space and independence with the fact that they know she needs people.

Cadence finally clues in on something that the family overlooked with everything else going on. Oh dear.