LOL U Just Got Rekt n00b!
“LOL U Just Got Rekt n00b!” Twilight read for the third time. She had found this piece of paper back behind a shelf of books in the Canterlot library while doing research for Starswirl, but she didn’t understand what the writing meant. “Just Got” was clear enough, and it seemed fair to assume that “U” was an abbreviation for “you,” but what was “LOL”? What was “Rekt”? What was “n00b”?
Squinting in concentration, she tore up a separate piece of paper - a blank one - into small scraps and wrote one character from the message on each. Perhaps it was some kind of anagram? She levitated all of the scraps at once, swapping them around in midair in the hope that some new pattern might emerge. Nothing.
Finally, Twilight decided to ask Celestia if she knew anything about the message. She’d found it in Celestia's library, after all. Bringing the paper with her, she walked to Celestia’s room, but found that Celestia wasn’t there. Of course, how could she have forgotten? The Summer Sun Celebration was tomorrow and she must be getting ready for it. As the fifth anniversary since Princess Luna had returned, this one would be an especially grand event. There was even a rumor that Discord might return to attend for the first time in three years.
Twilight wrote a new copy of the message she had found, signed it, and placed it on Celestia’s side table. Celestia would surely write her back when she had time if she knew anything about its contents. In the meantime, she’d try Princess Luna. She’d likely be helping with the Celebration, too, but not to the same extent. She might have a few minutes to talk.
She headed down to the courtyard where the outside festivities would take place. Several vendor shops had already been set up, and there was a dance floor off to one side. Scanning the area, Twilight soon saw Princess Luna and headed in her direction.
“A little to the left,” Luna said, hovering over the dance floor and addressing three ponies who were adjusting the position of a nearby low-flying cloud. A disco ball hung down from the cloud, attached by magic. “No, my left!” The ponies shifted it again, just slightly. “Perfect!” Luna lowered herself to the ground, looked up, and nodded in approval. The other ponies dispersed.
“Princess Luna!” Twilight said, walking up to her.
“Twilight!” Luna said. “How are things going with you?”
“Good,” Twilight said. “But I have a question for you. Do you have time?”
Luna glanced around at the work being done. “Hmmm…perhaps I can take a break for a few minutes,” she said. “What is your question?”
“Well, I found this message in the Canterlot library,” Twilight said, pulling out the folded piece of paper and levitating it to Luna. “It was behind one of the bookshelves and extremely dusty. It must have been there for a long time, and I don’t understand what it means. Is it some strange dialect of Olde Ponish?”
Luna unfolded the message and her eyes slowly widened in shock. “I…I have to go,” she said, dropping the paper and teleporting away.
“Wait!” Twilight shouted, but Luna was already gone. She picked up the paper and looked at it again. Why had it had such an effect on her? What could it mean? Now she was even more curious.
She thought for a moment about what track to take next and decided to try to figure out who wrote the message in the first place. Perhaps they were still around and she could question them directly. It was worth a try.
She returned to the library and began research on identification spells. These included spells which could variously identify the owner of an item, whoever had touched it last, or even everypony who had ever touched it. She knew she had touched it last and it was likely that the “owner” spell would simply identify her as the owner (since she had effectively claimed it after it had been abandoned by the previous owner), so out of those options, the third seemed the most helpful. Though it could have the potential to be overbroad.
But she didn’t need to worry about that. Before long, she found the spell she was actually looking for – one which could identify the originator of a piece of hoofwriting or hornwriting. Levitating the paper in front of her, she cast the spell and instantly had her answer…or almost did.
She frowned. The spell had identified the writer as Princess Luna, but at the same time…not? Then it hit her. It must have been written by Nightmare Moon! In retrospect, that seemed like it might explain Luna’s reaction to seeing the message, too. Twilight felt a little bad for reminding her of that time, but even so, she still couldn’t help but wonder what the message actually meant. And who was it intended for?
She cast the spell to identify everypony who had ever touched the paper, and to her surprise, only one other pony had – Princess Celestia. She must have been the recipient. Twilight thought back to the message she had left on Princess Celestia’s side table – “LOL U Just Got Rekt n00b! -Twilight Sparkle,” and suddenly felt like that doing that might not have been such a good idea. She still wanted to question Celestia about it, of course, but perhaps repeating the message wasn’t the best way to approach the situation.
She hurried back to Celestia’s room, intending to retrieve the message. She got there just as Celestia levitated the message from her side table.
“Celestia!” Twilight shouted, hoping to distract her.
Celestia turned toward Twilight, keeping the message levitated in front of her. “Oh, hello, Twilight,” she said with a smile. “Just a moment. Somepony left me a note.” She began to unfold the message.
“No, wait!” Twilight said. Celestia finished unfolding the message and her smile instantly became a frown. She looked up at Twilight and glared for a long moment. The silence was deafening.
Suddenly Celestia flared up, transforming into her Daybreaker form. Twilight started backing out the door. “I’m sorry!” she said. “I didn’t mean…”
A bolt of light shot from Celestia’s horn and hit Twilight. In an instant, the room dissolved and Twilight found herself somewhere much darker. Looking around, there was nothing but grey dust and craters as far as the eye could see. Panicking, she realized that she was on the Moon.
As she tried to teleport back to Equestria and found it impossible, her mind was filled only with the echoing remains of Celestia’s – no, Daybreaker’s – last words as she had banished her to the Moon, words which she still didn’t even understand: “LOL U Just Got Rekt n00b!”
The End
