It's a Dirty Job

by Somerset Cider

Rating: everyone
Tags: Raven Inkwell, Random, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1954

Raven Inkwell on her last day before retirement.

Raven Inkwell, personal assistant to Princess Celestia, spends her last day completing her final task for Her Highness before retiring from service along with her employer.
The worst task. Checking the Royal tax returns.

Published 2019-09-22 14:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-09-22 14:50:01 UTC

It's a dirty job, but somepony has to do it

It’s a dirty job, but somepony has to do it.

One last task before long over due retirement.

The lowest point of her administrative year.

Checking the Princesses accounts and tax returns.

Raven Inkwell leans back and glares at the four files sat on an almost bare desk in an equally nearly empty office behind the throne room.

A desk, that had once groaned under the weight of all the papers, scrolls and oddments, now held no more than a quill and notepad, a fresh cup of tea, her name plate (one that still garnered equal measures of respect and fear through the halls of Canterlot Castle) and those four files. All in an office where the walls where once hidden from sight by book cases, filing cabinets, notice boards and the artefacts and memories of so many years of royal service.

All gone now, cleared and packed away over the last week, The confidential documents removed to the archive, cabinets to storage and her personal collections shipped to her new home. The cleaners had a field day after so many years of her occupation, (30 bits in lost change!) and tomorrow the decorators would start, about the same time as Raven would board the train to Balitimare, obliterating a lifetime of faded marks on the walls and in the carpet.

And still the four files remain, one for each Princess, two thin, two large, two neat, two messy. All that is keeping her from her new home, a retirement gift from Princess Celestia.

XXXXX

“….By the grace of her royal highness Princess Celestia Sol Invictus, I now declare today’s session of the Solar Court to be at an end!” Raven Inkwell bowed to the assembled nobles and then turned to salute the throne.

Princess Celestia smiled and nodded in return. “Thank you all for your attendance, my secretary will issue the required permits and notifications by the end of the week.”

The throne room emptied and Raven started to gather up her quills and the minutes of the sessions when she felt a gentle touch on her withers.

“My little pony?”

“Your Highness?” Raven looked up as the majestic white wing was folded back away.

“Dear Raven.” Ceslestia’s countenance became tinged with sadness. “I have news for you, a little good, a little sad. Now that we are abdicating in favour of a new administration, there will be changes to the palace staff. I am afraid Twilight will be bringing her own personal assistant and staff.”

“I see.” A moments twinge of loss swept through Raven. “I know that Spike will do an exhalant job and I am ready to serve Princess Twilight in what ever capacity she requires.”

“Oh Raven.” Joy returned to Celestia’s smile. “You have served me for so long, through such good times as well as the bad, been my champion against the nobles, kept the castle functioning and you of any pony have helped Luna to be reacquainted with her new surroundings and for that alone I will be eternally grateful to you.”

“Thank you Princess.” Even after so many years of close service and more than one scolding, Raven still finds it hard not to throw herself down and worship at her mentors hoofs.

“Raven, I know exactly how long you have served the crown and how old you are. Now, I have chatted with Luna and we have come to a concord, her words not mine, you shall also retire with us from royal service.”

“Princess, I can still serve.” The feeling of loss returned with force.

“You have more than played your part Raven, but my sister wishes to keep you close to her. So we shall give you a gift to mark you great service.”

Celestia’s magic flickered to life as she gathered two scrolls from beside the Solar throne and passed the first, marked with a crescent moon to Raven.

Springing the seal revealed a simple note. “To our most beloved Raven Inkwell,

We do here by appoint you Knight Commander of the Holy Order of the Moon and request that you do transfer you allegiance to our flag.

Your most grateful friend. Princess Luna.”

Ravens eyes flickered with surprise as she read the final line. “Typical Princess Luna, a grand gesture writ short and to the point. She has never called me friend before!”

“My Lady.” Celestia bowed slightly, but the amused twinkle never left her eyes. “My sister has much affection for you and greatly trusts your council, so to help your friendship along here is my gift to you.”

Raven receives the second scroll and pops the radiant sun seal. “To my dear Lady Raven, We have known one another since the day you enrolled at my school for Gifted Unicorns. It was my privilege to instruct you to your graduation with honours and to then invite you into my service. You have given me your life, your loyalty and such invaluable guidance in my so many hours of need that thank you seems so little for so much, never the less my dear Raven, thank you, thank you with all my heart. So, it is with great joy that in honour of your true and faithful service to the crown and Equestria that I, Celestia Sol Invictus, do here by gift you the property known as Eventide Villa on the South Sands royal estates, Horse Shoe Bay. With all my gratitude and friendship, Celestia. Oh my! Princess...I ...I….”

“Raven! I do believe I have at a loss for words.”Celestia’s gentle laugh echoes round the throne room.

Re-reading both scrolls does little to help Raven to regain her composure. “Princess, I..this is all so much, I ...so generous...”

“My dear little pony, if I could give you more I would, though as with all of my gifts there is a double edged sword. Moonfleet is the next door villa, my sister will your neighbour and there are responsibilities that come with being a noble as you well know.”

Celestia leaned down to kiss Raven once on each cheek. “Not long now Raven, just a little more and we are done.” Celestia turned away to leave. “A little more time and the changes will be complete.”

XXXXX

And there they still sit, four files, the memory fades, near by a clock chimes. Raven sighs, lifts her cup of tea and takes a soothing sip.

To work!

She reseats her glasses and reaches for the first file, probably the easiest and straight forward. A slightly dog-eared and grubby folder covered in suspicious green stains, changeling gloop? Raven takes a cautious sniff, mashed peas! She flips the file open with a grin, Princess Cadence.

Two items are exposed, a single piece of paper and an envelope. The document first.

"Hi Raven,

SNAFU, no longer at this address.

Please refer all further correspondence to HM Customs and Excise, Hoof Guards, South West Quadrant, The Crystal Empire.

Speak to Aunty if the Nobs are still giving you trouble.

Well that’s the last of today’s Empress stuff done, mother time now!

Lots of love, Cadence and Shining"

The envelope contains a hoof made card from Flurry Heart congratulating her on her retirement which Raven carefully sets beside her tea cup.

She switches the first file for the second, again easy, but will cause ruptions amongst the nobles, Princess Luna.

Once more two items are in the folder, another envelope and a hoof written note.

"To our Sisters most beloved scribe,

Greetings,

Once again on this day representing the close of the excise year we wish to notify you that as royal taxation is a voluntary program in which we have no interest in partaking of and that our finances and expenditure art none of thy business, nor that of our lords.

Yours with grace,

Princess Luna."

Another refusal by Luna leading to another confrontation with the Council of Nobles.

The envelope was another card, elegant and simple with brief not note inside to be place next to the first.

On to the third file, well files, large box files, three of them. Income, expenditure and detailed notes, cross referenced and indexed with the tax return. Clipped to the front of the top most file is a card and a note.

The note is a query regarding whether wing massages and feather balm could be claimed as Royal Transport expenses rather than personal items. The card is beautiful, Twilight (Spike) must have made a real effort to choose it. A poignant and personal message in side brings a smile to Raven’s lips. She had spent years with the little filly, helping her organise and study before she was dispatched to Ponyville. Raven had missed Twilight for a long time after.

A few hours of checking confirmed that everything is is order, even if some of the accounting was a little on the creative side. Raven is shore that Starlight Glimmer had a hoof in preparing some of the figures.

Done! Time for a late lunch, a simple salad and some juice, (apple and raspberry by the taste), before the final slog

And there it is, the last one, Princess Celestia.

Raven studied it for a moment, more a doughnut sprinkle covered explosion in a paper factory than a financial statement, she sighs and summons a castle maid to bring fresh tea, this is going to take some time.

A teetering stack of invoices receipt and bank statements in a battered, shallow cardboard box, Pony Joe’s Doughnut Emporium. By Royal appointment plastered across the side (that explains the sprinkles) Oh, and a half used cheque book tucked in one side.

“She’ll be looking for that, again!” Raven mutters. “Never carries cash, but heavens above her cheque book takes a beating.”

A sharp plop of teleportation magic echoes round the office and a scroll appears, dropping onto the precarious pile of paperwork and sending a third of it sprawling across the desk.

Celestia’s seal, Raven curses as she grabs it.

“Oh, hi Raven,

I think this is everything. No I’m sure it is.

I did I check in that draw, nothing there!”

Desk? Um? That’s a lot of papers. Ah! So that’s where that’s got to!

In the bureau? Oh! What’s that? Eew! What a smell! That requires incinerating.

Nope, I’m sure that’s every thing.

Have fun! Celly.”

Raven shakes her head, in public she is regal, gracious, kind, loving, if a little enigmatic at times, Princess Celestia in private is a scatter brained, organisational nightmare, chaos to a level that gives Discord pause for thought. If it wasn’t for Raven and the vast team of palace staff the state of Equestria is beyond any ponies imagination!

Time ticks on, Raven sorts, checks, tallies and rechecks. Cups of tea come and go as she collates her notes, the glow of the setting sun illuminates her office for the final time as she completes the tax return and calculates the amount owed. She reaches for the cheque book and fills one in ready for Celestia’s signature in the morning.

And that is it. Raven looks round the empty office. “It’s not mine any more.”

She gathers the last of her possessions into her saddle bags and heads for the door.

One final look, an empty office with a desk, empty except for an empty tea cup and four files. Two large, two thin. Two neat, two messy, well one of the messy ones isn’t quite so bad now.

Raven Inkwell smiles to her self as the door closes on the empty office behind the throne room. “It may not be mine any more, but the memories always will be.”