The Way Of All Flesh

Sour.

Bitter.

Sweet.

Regret.

Nausea.

Confusion.

Fear.

But not mine.

I see white light.

Must get out of here.

Go out through the door.

The floor is soft to the touch.

Marching hoofsteps echo in the distance.

Ponies with bat wings and black armor seem to be patrolling.

Is this a castle? How peculiar. It isn't familiar to me. Where the hell am I?

I can hear somepony shouting. Need to hide. No telling who's out and about these days. Which days are these?

A body, four legs, and a snout. The wings of a bat and a set of black plate armor. How many eyes do I need? Two is fine for now.

That aura of fear and disgust is still overpowering anything else I can sense right now. Have wonder what could be so dreadful. Not my problem now, though.

I need a drink.

"Come on, you sure you can't give us one for the road?"

The barkeep shook his head. "Not on your life, pal. I could get fined."

"Come on Mister Oakwood, shirr." The earth pony was slurring his words. "Why're you even kickin' us out this early?"

"You heard the Nightwatch, same as me. There's been a murder, and it's only a few blocks away! Get back home ta' yer kids, ya' sotted fucker."

The drunk seemed to perk up at his warnings. "Yer—yer right! I need to protect my kids! Ah ods, my wife's gonna kill me. I'll see ya' tomorrow, man."

The bell hanging above the door rang as his last patron exited the bar. Oakwood rolled his eyes and muttered to himself.

"Sure you will, pal. Sure you will."

He walked to the front of the bar and flicked the switch on the flashing 'OPEN' sign hanging in the window. Its bright red lights dimmed, signaling the bar's closing to passersby. The deadbolt in the door scraped into place, and the cheap yellow bulbs hanging from the ceiling went dark. The dingy bar plunged into darkness, lit only by the moonlight coming through the front-facing windows.

Oakwood walked along the bar collecting the dirty glasses still left behind. They floated through the air and dropped into the sink behind the counter, one at a time. Hot water poured from the tap, and thick steam rose to the ceiling. His horn flashed as he lit the cigarette he'd put in his mouth. The tall brown unicorn took a seat at the bar and leaned against the counter.

He took a long draw and held it for a moment before releasing it in a long sigh. The smoke rose upwards to mix with the steam swirling around the top of the room. The stress that had been building up in his joints seemed to melt away. He'd quit one of these days. For sure.

The sound of a bell rang through the room. He looked to the front of the bar to see a Nightwatch officer standing by the entrance. The officer's yellow eyes stared into his own as if he was expecting something Oakwood cursed to himself. He'd have sworn he locked that damn door.

"Sorry, officer. We're closed." He gestured towards the front of the shop. "Sign's off and everythin', see?"

The officer didn't respond. Instead, he walked to the back of the bar and took a seat in the last booth. The Princess Booth. Twice the size of the others, and painted a pure white. Protection enchantments kept it clean, and dampening enchantments kept it private. It was the nicest seat in the whole house. Fit for royalty. He'd only ever seen scumbags sit there.

The officer tapped twice against the wooden table and pulled the privacy curtains down. Oakwood let out a pained sigh. He'd seen all kinds in here. Washed-up Wonderbolts, changelings looking for a new life, a whole lot of unicorn dropouts. But none gave him quite so much grief as the batponies.

"Look, I already paid up this month." He didn't bother keeping his annoyance out of his voice. "If ya' need pocket money, ya' need ta' go ask Dominus Dar—"

A bright pale violet light flashed from behind the curtains, blinding him. Oakwood blinked a few times and rubbed at his eyes with his hooves. He stood there for a moment, trying to understand what had just happened.

Dim purple light had begun to leak between the curtains onto the dull stone floor. Two more sharp taps rang out from inside the booth. The barkeep shook his head, and slowly approached the booth in the back of the room.

Slowly, he lifted the curtain to greet his guest. He could feel his soul being forced out of his body. His eyes opened so wide he could feel them dry out.

The booth's occupant turned to him and grinned a toothy grin. His voice was smooth and sharp.

"I'm afraid I must ask you to stay open a bit longer."

Oakwood's voice caught in his throat. He had to force himself to speak. "O-o-of course, sir. D-did ya' want me ta' get you a drink?"

"Bring me a tenth of the strongest spirit you have, neat. I could use a smoke, too."

He nodded his head, and slowly back away from the booth. The thick white curtains fell back into place, but streams of violet light still scattered across the floor.

The barkeep hurried back to the sink and began scrubbing one of the glasses as fast as he could. The sink turned off, and the glass he'd wiped clean flung itself against the counter. It slid across the hardwood surface and skittered to a halt as Oakwood pulled a short bottle from the top shelf on the wall.

The stopper popped out and landed by the glass, and the barkeep began to pour. The bottle shook in his hooves, scattering drops of the brown liquid across the counter's surface. The barkeep glanced at the front entrance, thinking about making a break for it. He shook his head and decided against it. Somehow he knew that if he tried to run, he'd be dead before he could touch the door.

He left the bottle on the counter and floated the glass through the air. The barkeep reached out with a trembling forehoof and the Princess Booth's heavy curtain. His only customer grinned at him.

The pale violet light grew stronger, and Oakwood felt the drink being pulled from his hold. He released his magic, and the drink floated down on to the table's white surface.

"And the cigar?"

The cabinet behind the barkeep burst open, and a pouch of cigarettes flew through the air. He pulled a single, crumpled cylinder from its package and held it out. It floated from his hoof into the air, making its way to his patron's mouth.

The tip seemed to light itself, and he took a long draw from it. A third of the length turned to ash in a single breath.

"Take a seat."

Smoke poured from the corners of his mouth as he spoke.

Oakwood's limbs seemed to fight him as he stepped into the booth. It was like his body was trying to run away, but his head was too dumb to follow.

With a flick of his head, the customer pulled the curtains closed. No one could hear them now. His fear seemed to affect his hearing, as when the being in front of him spoke it sounded muffled and far away.

"E-excuse me, sir? Did you just ask me something?"

His eyes rolled in their sockets. "I said, 'What year is it?'"

"Oh, um... nineteen ninety-seven, in the year of our princesses."

"Princesses?"

Oakwood cleared his throat. "You know, the Alicorn Princesses. The Royal Twins. Rulers of Equestria fer thousands a' years."

"Alicorns? Hmm... "

The patron tilted his head back and drank from his glass. He swirled the fluid in his mouth for a bit, tasting it before swallowing.

"That's good stuff, though it's weaker than I'd have liked. 'Equestria'. Is that the country we're in?"

The barkeep blinked. "Yessir. It is, sir."

The patron's face grew dark, and he stared at Oakwood with disdain in his eyes.

"Don't mock me, pony. I've been asleep for a long time. Things are different from what I remember. Tell me, how long has it been since... the Era of Change?"

The barkeep shook his head. "I-I don't know, sir. I've never 'eard of such a thing."

The patron stared at the wall in silence and rolled his cigarette between his teeth. His eyes seemed to unfocus, as though he was remembering something from long ago.

"Y-you might have better luck at the university. They've all sorts a' history books there."

"Hm? Oh, don't worry about that. It's not important, I just needed to know if anybody would know who I was."

The patron returned to his daydream. Nervous drops of sweat dripped down Oakwood's face as he sat staring at the creature across the table. Cigarette smoke slowly filled the booth, adding a dim haze to the booth's purple light.

The curiosity building in his mind finally came to a head. Somehow it had overtaken his fear of death.

"I-If ya' don't mind me askin', sir: w-was it you who did it?"

The patron's eyes refocused and turned away from the wall. He exhaled, and thin grey plumes streamed from his nostrils.

"Did... what, exactly?"

Oakwood blinked. "Why, killed that poor changeling girl?"

The crowds building in the street had grown to an intimidating size. Seeing the Princess take off so quickly had only spurred them on, and additional protestors poured in even faster than before. The blue light from the magical barrier across the alley entrance cast an eerie glow over the crowd's angry faces. The Deputy Inquisitor shouted over their angry chanting.

"Get back! I said GET BACK!"

A particularly large earth stallion leaned against the barrier, smashing his hoof against its glowing surface. Anger flared in the deputy's eyes, and his horn began to glow a bright red.

"I SAID GET THE FUCK BACK! I SWEAR TO LUNA, I WILL FUCKING SEND YOU TO TARTARUS!"

The sound of thunder clapped overhead, and a sudden gale began buffeting the protestors in the street. Screams rang out in the crowd as coats and manes flapped violently in the wind.

The deputy smirked to himself. They hadn't been expecting any inclement weather, but right now it felt like an act of providence.

One by one, the protestors began to break off from the mass to seek shelter. The stallion who'd challenged the barrier ran off with his tail tucked between his legs.

Soon, there were none left. The wind continued to howl through the street, sealed out of the alley by the tall glowing wall.

"Officer?"

A voice he didn't recognize came from behind him. He whipped around ready to fight, but quickly dropped his guard. It was another batpony. Must be a new recruit.

"That's Deputy to you, newbie. Don't be like those rabble-rousers out there. Know when to have some respect."

The recruit nodded silently with a blank look on his face. The deputy turned back towards the street, shaking his head. Where did they even find these guys? Didn't all batponies come from the same village?

"What happened here?"

"A murder." He responded to the question without turning his head. "Some changeling. No great loss. I mean, we're in the Redlight Warrens so she was probably just a prostie. Still though, it's got everypony spooked. This is the first time I've ever heard of somepony being murdered in Equestria."

He heard a deep sigh from behind him.

"Is there anypony investigating this... murder?"

The deputy scoffed. "Uh, yeah? You are, kid. Ephemera's taking point on it, so the whole station's gonna be going crazy until we find out who did it."

"Ephemera?"

"Our glorious leader, High Inquisitor Moonlight Ephemera. But between you and me kid, she's got a stick up her ass. Way too by-the-books. If we wanna find the guy who did it, we're gonna have to break a few rules."

He leaned back and tapped the recruit's chestplate.

"Stick with me, and we'll catch him. No problem."

"Your confidence is impressive."

The deputy shrugged his shoulders and took on a smug smile. "What can I say? I'm Deputy Inquisitor Dark. I'd say I've earned the right to be confident."

The recruit's ears perked up.

"I'm sorry, what did you say your name was?"

The deputy turned around and thumped his chest. "Dominus Dark, second in command. You'd best remember my name, rookie. You'll be hearing it a lot after I get promoted."

The recruit nodded and smiled. The flashing light of the magical barrier reflected off of his long, white fangs. A cold sensation ran down the deputy's spine. This new guy was kind of creepy.

"I-it's right up there." The deputy pointed up the side of the building with a trembling forehoof. He sniffled and wiped away the snot dripping out of his nose.

The two of them stood by Canterlot Station, in an alley adjacent to the backside of the building. The station's stone walls were tall and featureless, save for the windows lining the upper floors.

"Ephemera's office is the middle window on the second floor. I-I can help you find a ladder if you need it."

The recruit shook his head. "No thank you, Deputy. You've been more than enough help."

He turned to the shaking officer and put a hoof on his shoulder. The older-looking stallion flinched at the contact.

"Just remember what we agreed."

The deputy shook his head furiously. "I never saw you. Never heard of you. A-and I had a change of heart about the whole protection money thing. I gotta turn myself in, become a new man!"

The recruit nodded. "That's right. After you do your time, you're gonna be a model police officer. Because you know what will happen to you if you don't."

The deputy stayed silent, staring at the recruit with bulging eyes.

"Oh? You don't? I suppose that's fine too. Maybe it's scarier that way. Get the hell out of here."

The deputy ran down the alley, his hooves skittering across the slick concrete. He turned the corner and fled to the safety of the station, never looking back.

The recruit shook his head to himself. An officer of the law who was both a coward and a crook. It made him sick. Criminals, he could handle. It was their job to play the part of the lawbreakers. But nothing was worse than an actor who didn't know their lines.

He lifted his helmet from his head and ran a hoof through his thick black mane. There were more important things to worry about now. His eyes turned upwards, back towards the window on the second floor. The lights were off. With any luck, that meant nopony was home.

Still, flying up there would make too much noise. He'd have to think of a different way up.

His horn glowed a dim purple and the window slowly slid itself open. The recruit took a deep breath and braced himself. Time to see if old dogs can learn new tricks.

A dark haze slowly formed around his body. His form gradually turned translucent as the black cloud grew thicker and larger. The last traces of his physical form dissolved into the air. He had disintegrated himself into a cloud of smoke. To say it was a strange experience would have been an understatement.

The black cloud glowed purple and began to spin, spiraling up into a hazy tendril of smoke that reached into the open window. The room filled with a dark haze as more and more of himself entered inside.

The cloud suddenly collapsed violently in a swirl inside the room. The recruit collapsed against the floor and pressed a hoof against his chest, heaving for air.

"Need... more practice... "

He pulled himself back up and wiped the sweat out of his eyes. The recruit took a look around the room he was in.

Some nice-looking wooden couches and tables, an oil lantern hanging in the center of the room, and a huge oak desk placed right by the window. He walked to the desk and ran a hoof across its surface. It looked like a failed art project, with papers and clippings scattered about seemingly at random.

His horn emitted a low purple light. If he was sneaking around, he wouldn't take any chances with the oil lantern. A simple spell would let him see in the dark.

He looked back down at the desk with his newly enchanted eyes and sighed. It wasn't any less messy in the light than in the dark.

Suddenly, the door to the room flew open and bright orange light streamed into the room. The recruit quickly dissolved into smoke and clung to the room's ceiling. A muscular batpony mare walked quickly into the room carrying a document folder, not bothering to light the ceiling lantern as she made her way to the desk.

The mare coughed into her forehoof. She looked up at the ceiling, and somehow he felt his nonexistent blood freeze in his nonexistent veins.

"Gods be damned, who left this fucking window open! Now my office is filled with smog! Great."

She slammed the window shut and turned the security latch. The mare tossed the folder onto the desk's messy surface and left, slamming the door shut behind her.

The recruit retook his shape, though not quite as fast as last time. He looked over the folder the mare had left on the desk.

'Homicide Case Notes'

He raised his eyebrows. That must have been the High Inquisitor.

His horn glowed as he magicked the folder open. Its' contents flicked into the air as he ran his eyes over each sheet of paper. After several minutes of reading, the papers dropped back into the folder and he let out a long sigh. The recruit's opinion of the Canterlot Police Department was hitting an all-time low.

"No ID on the victim, no leads or suspects, and no idea what any of these symbols mean. These batponies are truly a force to be reckoned with."

The case files had included several photographs of the alley and a few of the corpse itself. They showed strange glyphs in dark green paint drawn in seemingly deliberate positions, yet they were unfamiliar to him. It was like trying to put together a jigsaw puzzle in the dark.

The recruit snapped to attention. Someone was coming this way, he could feel their presence through the wall. Someone full of... disgust? Anxiety? Was this the same pony he'd felt all that fear from in the castle? That probably wasn't a good sign.

He quickly approached the door and pressed himself against the wall beside it. The sound of heavy hoofsteps grew closer to the office and then stopped. Two loud knocks sounded through the door. The recruit held his breath. Another two knocks came soon after.

The door quickly swung open, almost hitting him where he stood. Someone walked into the room and the door shut behind them. Damn, he'd missed his window to slip out and now he was out in the open. The tall pony who had entered the office only had to turn around to see him crouched by the wall.

The recruit began dissolving his body, sending his aerosol form through the slot under the door. Slowly, carefully, deliberately. If he was discovered now the whole city would think he was the killer, and the true perpetrator would never face justice.

Black smoke filled the hallway outside of the High Inquisitor's office. Once he was completely out, the recruit let out the breath he was holding. Or at least he tried to. Instead, his aerosol form collapsed violently into his previous shape of a batpony recruit. He staggered, bracing himself against the wood-paneled wall.

"Gods!", he gasped. The recruit clutched at his chest, over the spot where his heart should have been. He'd reformed too fast. His vision was starting to swirl.

Suddenly, the door the Inquisitor's office opened. A sharp, sweet smell filled his nose as the pony inside stepped into the hallway.

A tall blue mare stood in front of him. Her dark blue mane glittered like the night sky, framing a long black horn. Oily, black raven wings were tucked by her sides. Her flanks were painted black and bore a large soul mark with an image of the moon.

The recruit's mind went blank as he stared at her. Alicorns were nothing if not physically impressive.

She turned to look at him. The movement knocked him from his trance.

"C-can I help you?" Dammit, he was stuttering like a schoolboy.

"Oh! Yes, you can help us." Her voice was strong, if not lacking in authority. "Please, take this."

A familiar folder floated from behind the door, stopping in front of his face. He snatched it out of the air and read the cover. 'Homicide Case Notes'.

"Make a copy of that and have it sent to us at the castle. Return it to Inquisitor Moonlight's desk when you are finished."

The recruit looked back up at her. Was she conducting her own investigation?

"Y-yes ma'am. No problem, ma'am. You can count on me, ma'am." Gods, he was pathetic. His eyes felt like they were vibrating in his head. The mask was starting to slip away.

She gave him a practiced smile and a nod. Taking it as permission to leave, he took off down the hallway with the folder floating behind him.

"Here you are, Your Majesty. The documents you requested."

Her hazy blue eyes focused themselves on him.

"Thhank you, Officer," she murmured as she slid the folder from his hoof. The Princess stumbled into the library, floating a large glass bottle behind her.

The recruit followed her into the library and closed the door behind them. He watched her traipse over to a large wooden desk on the far side of the room, struggling to keep her bottle in the air. His body suddenly shuddered against his will as though it was being affected by magic.

He looked around. Had there been a ward on the library door? Must have been. The recruit realized he probably shouldn't be seen in here.

Bookcases lined the perimeter of the large, circular room. Each one seemed to stretch endlessly towards the sky, disappearing into a black shadowy void. He could detect the faint smell of old parchment and ink.

The sound of shattered glass echoed through the library. The recruit looked over at the Princess, who was attempting to shovel the remains of her bottle into a small pile on the floor. It must have been empty, as the ground seemed mostly dry.

The recruit laughed to himself. The beautiful, elegant Alicorn he'd met at the station was nowhere to be found. It'd be funny if it wasn't so damn sad.

He walked up behind the Princess who was now sitting at one of the large wooden desks. She was going over the case notes, albeit extremely slowly.

"Makes sense to me..."

She was muttering to herself, almost too quietly for him to hear. What made sense to her? If she was reading the same notes he was, then there shouldn't have been anything worth knowing in those documents.

The recruit took a step back. He was in a new city, a new country, a new time. It was becoming clearer that there were things about this place that he wouldn't understand without a guide. Now Oakwood was perfectly fine, nothing wrong with him. But an Alicorn? A Royal Alicorn? Even if she was a drunk, she'd be an extremely helpful ally.

The Princess had started muttering again. He leaned in, trying to understand her.

"These might be... ancient Zebran?"

He glanced around the library. She needed a book an ancient Zebran? He could find her one. Might as well get a headstart on their unestablished partnership.

His form dissolved into smoke and spiraled up towards the ceiling. How many eyes did he need? As many as he could get.

Sections of the cloud began to separate off, curling into spheres. Slowly, the cloud took on a solid shape: a giant mass of hundreds of floating eyeballs, each focused on a different sector of the room.

He counted one hundred and twenty-two books dealing with ancient Zebran civilizations. But which one would she need?

His eyes watched the Princess spin around in her chair and look around the library with tired eyes.

"Gods, this is going to take forever... what was it even called? 'Studies in Ancient Zebran Theology'?"

And there it was in the bookshelf directly above her desk. He could give her the book, and a little wake-up call.

The book glowed with a faint purple light as it was pulled from its spot on the shelf. It tumbled through the air for several seconds, hurtling towards the desk below until it collided with a bang.

The Princess whirled around in her chair with a crazed look on her face. The recruit had to stop himself from laughing. He couldn't afford to be seen. Could you imagine if the Princess looked up and saw a giant, flying sphere of laughing eyeballs all looking at her? It wouldn't go well.

She had started reading the book. For the first time since she'd picked it up, the Princess had set her bottle down on the desk. He couldn't resist. The thin swill he'd gotten from Oakwood hadn't been nearly enough, and whatever she was drinking was strong enough to get an Alicorn drunk.

The recruit took shape back on the library floor. With a flick of his horn, the glass pile on the floor reshaped itself into a dark blue bottle. He scooped it off the floor and clutched it with his hoof. He'd have to time this right.

Suddenly, she leaned back and let out a deep yawn. Her attention was away from the desk. In one smooth motion, he swapped his empty bottle for the full one without making a sound. The recruit took several steps back from the desk before admiring his prize.

"Hmph." The Princess was pouting at her empty bottle with a confused look on her face. He had to stop himself from laughing again.

The bottle tilted back through the air. Clear liquid flowed out of it, through the air and into the back of his throat. He got a mouthful of it before realizing his mistake.

The recruit covered his mouth and raced from the library with the bottle. After taking care to close the door behind him as quietly as possible, he started coughing loudly. The liquid had nearly burned his tongue out of his mouth. This was not a drink for tasting. It was just for getting drunk as quickly as possible. And possibly for disinfecting a hospital.

His head lurched, and he had to catch himself before he fell over. At least it was doing its job well.

Hoofsteps echoed from a doorway further down the hall. Maybe someone needed to speak to the Princess, maybe someone was coming to investigate his coughing. Either way, it was time for him to leave.

The recruit walked through the doorway closest to him, which led down another hallway. This one was longer and much taller. He stepped onto a bright red carpet that ran through its center.

Moonlight streamed through stained glass windows, coloring the scene with strange, dazzling shades of blue. Each window had its own image, and its own story to tell.

He stepped off the carpet to get a better look. The sound of his light hoofsteps echoed against the granite, traveling down the long castle hallway. The recruit walked slowly, admiring the massive stained-glass images in the windows. Each one seemed to show some important event in the country's history, and many of them seemed relatively new.

A few near the beginning showed two Alicorns, most likely the Royal Twins he'd heard about. The images were incredibly realistic. He'd met the black one, Luna, but the white one seemed more imposing. More powerful. Maybe a little more beautiful. He wondered if that was the truth, but doubted it. An artist's biases will always be reflected in their work, and from what he'd heard from the barkeeper, most ponies preferred day to night.

The rest of the windows all reflected six other ponies. Always the same six. Yet at some point, one of them changed.

"A new Alicorn... "

The words filled him with excitement, sending tingles down to his hooves. His fears of having entered a stagnant age were blown away. More Alicorns means more excitement. Maybe even a new apprentice.

The recruit took another sip from the bottle, careful not to let it hit his tongue. He was feeling a lot less worried about being a part of this new age. Maybe things wouldn't be so bad.

He approached the end of the hallway, capped by a pair of massive red doors. Those six ponies had been busy, defeating threat after threat after threat. The last window looked only a few months old, but the image it showed him made his mouth run dry.

The six ponies from before were all arranged neatly in a circle, standing triumphantly against the colorful background. They stood tall with raised heads and straightened backs. Yet now all of them had changed.

"S... six... ?" Air leaked uselessly from his mouth. He could feel each link in his spine tighten together, chattering nervously against one another.

They all stood together, wings flared and horns high. It was clear that the world today was nothing like he remembered it. This... was the Age of the Alicorn.

Movement in the corner of his eye caught his attention. The Princess passed through the hallway at the far end, looking a little worse than he'd remembered. She hid her mouth with a forehoof and let out a large yawn.

If she was going back to her room, they'd have a real chance to talk. The recruit grinned. Time to formally start this partnership.