Hobos taking over
By Hobonator
The beginning
Beginning. Every story has to begin from somewhere. In this case, it begins from a dumpster in a certain alleyway in a certain town. This particular dumpster, while it may appear as similar as any other dumpster out there, houses an intriguing creature. The creature, sleeping at the moment, has a satisfied smile on its weathered face. Face mixed with beard and dirt. As we move closer, we can also smell its stench which reminds us of an aroma of a rotten road kill. The creature smacks its lips loudly. Suddenly, the creature opens its eyes and gazes us with an arrogant look. It rises up and stands in his dumpster triumphantly.
“What you’re lookin’ at punk? Never seen a hobo on a height of his life?” comes from its filthy mouth.
“Blergh”, we answer.
“Oh right, you were that mute bastard. Fuck off please, you kinda creep me out”, the creature continues and starts idly shuffling its trashes.
“Don’t be such a grump Snitch”, a new voice appears. ”That dumpster suffices fine for all three of us.”
“Well well, ain’t it the fair and righteous Winston”, the creature, now known as Snitch, remarks and steps out from its nest.
“Why can’t you just keep your nose on your own stinkin’ problems?”
While the two hobos arguing, we approach the precious dumpster. What kinds of treasures could it contain, maybe even fresh food without being littered in diapers and tampons. That’d make our day for sure. As we shuffle through trashes, a curious object draws our attention. It visibly illuminates slight purple glow. We grab it in our hand and otherworldly sensation of warmth overtakes us. Inspecting the object reveals it’s a rubbery pony. A shriek wakes us from this strange trance.
“What the hell Mute! You just can’t take other people’s property into your dirty hands! It’s my pony, you fuck!” Snitch angrily shouts at us. We don’t care.
“Trash belongs equally to all of the hobos”, Winston wisely declares.
“It’s the law.”
“To hell with you and your stupid laws! It’s mine and I’ll tend to keep it.” Snitch grabs on to the toy.
“Let’s just compromise and give it to me”, Winston proposes and joins to the tug o‘pony.
“Why are you so damn attached to it anyway?”
After the tugging had been going for a while, a realization hits us. Look at us hobos, three rugged bums fighting over a pony toy. Laughter comes.
“Hrh hrh rhrrh hrhree” we gutter.
The two other fellow hobos watch us with confused looks for a moment, and then follow the suit.
“Ahah, what the hell just happened”, Winston laughs awkwardly and wipes a tear from corner of his eye. “It’s a friggin’ pony. Though the glow is quite fascinating.”
Speaking of which, the toy is glowing now tenfold brighter than earlier.
“Whoa, that ain’t normal. That thing gotta be pricey” Snitch says with greedy lust in his tiny pig like eyes and reaches for the pony.
“No you won’t!” Winston intervenes.
We also join the assault for the pony. What fortunes could such a weird thing bring to us? But alas, as we hobos touch the toy, it violently flashes and thus sends us three fellows into merciless blackness of unconsciousness.
******
Blink. A blue sky greets us as we wake to the voices. Pain blurs the view.
“I knew it! It’s the fucking government fucking us all over!”
“Shut the fuck up Winston! My head is about to explode even without your insane rambling fusing it.”
“The toy must’ve been coveted with some kind of an intoxicating poison!”
“Shut.”
“And after we had fallen unconscious, the ones responsible must’ve been snatched us and threw us here!”
“The.”
“The officials don’t like our kind roam on their shiny streets but this time they went too far!”
“Fuck.”
“I’m going to sue their asses off. I was a lawyer you know, or almost was.”
“UP! Man, jeez, could you just stop please.”
The pig whines. It gives us little comfort while lying on grass with a furious head ache. As we scan our surroundings, we notice that we’re located in a small clearing in a middle of thick forest. The forest seems to be quite huge by looks of it. It’s clear that we are nowhere near our point of departure, since forests of this magnitude don’t exist around our little hometown. The arguing had waned down and we drift back into blackness.
******
“Uh Twi, are you sure it’s wise to wake them? They could be dangerous.”
“Aww don’t be such a wussy Fluttershy! And even if they were, it’s not like they have chance against us. Especially when I’m here!
“Ah think Shy has a point. Maybe we shud inform Princess Celestia at least. Ah’ve never seen such varmints.”
“Girls, aren’t you going bit ahead of things. And they look sentient enough to act rationally. See, they even wear clothes!”
“You call those rugs clothes?! Sentient is last thing to come in my mind seeing them to have such a skewed fashion sense!
“The least we should check if they’re okay.”
“The least we should do is to direct these… things to a shower. The smell is simply said horrendous!
“Can’t argue against that”
“WHAT THE- that’s it, I’ve lost my mind!”
Snitch’s scream finally arouses our curiosity enough so we open our eyelids. And what a scene unfolds. Six colorful slobs curiously eyeing us bums. Snitch slapping his own ugly face and Winston simply staring at the slobs mouth agape.
“Calm down please, we’re not to hurt you”, says the purple one with horn sticking from its forehead.
“I’ll take back what I said earlier” Winston snaps as he finally comes back to his senses, “They didn’t drug us, but instead outright killed us! We’re in hell gentlemen.”
*****
