Author's Note
So the basic idea of doing another nightmare fic (Which I did a while ago with Twilight Velvet's "The Night Terror") was inspired by "Hurt" by James Pwyll. I read that fic and was like, "Huh, been a while since I touched on some nightmares and comforts.", so I decided to do one with Sunburst and Stellar Flare since they're my duo du jour.
Sad, but I enjoyed it. Hope you all do too!
Requiem
There were fewer places that demanded such intense quiet as a Graveyard.
In the dead of winter, snow gently fell upon the ground, making it crunch loudly at any hoof that dared to step there and break that quiet. Pegasi could fly, certainly, but for earth ponies and unicorns, they were forced to shatter the silence to get where they needed to go, and internally braced themselves for retribution because their sounds had disturbed the sleeping dead.
The bare trees, once so lush in the spring, now lined the graveyard as an eerie reminder that all things came to a close, and met their untimely end. A flapping of wings and the cawing of crows seemed the only sounds fit to grace such a solemn and desolate place. In spring graveyards were places of family visitation, to remember the times spent together. In winter they were places of tears, regret, and silent questions that would never be answered while those living were lucky enough to still be living.
On a dark winter morning when snow was blanketing the ground, one lone stallion braved the cold. He wore a cloak, covered in stars, as his only protection from it. But the bitter chill of winter seeped into him despite that, and would have no matter what he was wearing. The cold was as internal as it was external. He was frozen from the inside out, chilled to the bone, as he stood and stared at one headstone that he constantly brushed clean from the white snow to keep it pure.
Sunburst, former crystaller of Flurry Heart, and Vice Headmare of the School of Friendship, stood alone in the frigid snow. His glasses were fogged up from the cold, but he did not need to see to know what he was looking at. It was as internalized as his own name. The etchings in the gravestone, the pony it belonged to, repeated over and over again on a loop.
Stellar Flare
October 3, 1974 - January 2, 2019
Beloved wife and Mother
Not just any mother- his mother. The grave belonged to his mother, or at least she used to be. And forever he knew he would come to this spot and berate himself, because he had been the reason she’d passed away.
Life was full of regrets. His mother had used to tell him that all of the time when she lamented how marrying his father was good for nothing except having him. He’d grown up believing he would have regrets in his life, and ultimately this proved to be true when he flunked out of magic school. All his life, that was the one regret he could never escape. Unlike his mother, who had gotten great peace from her regrets through having him, he’d never quite made peace with his demons in the way she had.
There had come a point where he’d felt a need to rewrite the past. He’d spoken to Princess Celestia about being able to go back to magic school and make things right with himself. She, in her graciousness, had obliged him. His mother had told him repeatedly that he shouldn’t try to do such for fear of what may happen, but he did not listen. He felt to need right that wrong.
He’d gone and done it anyways. Though he was miles ahead in his knowledge of magic, his execution had been shoddy at best. Though Princess Celestia had wanted to pass him for the sake of his efforts, he’d insisted she grade him as she would any other student. It had not been enough to pass the course. He’d failed twice.
He’d gone back home to Sires Hollow, head down, and feeling defeated. His mother had opened the door, taken one look at him, and said “I told you this would happen, but you didn’t listen to me.”
“I know, Mom. I just thought… I had to…”
“I cannot watch you destroy yourself over this again, Sunburst. The last time this happened it nearly took me with you. I cannot do it again. You did not want my plans and I don’t know what else I could do to help you. I’m sorry but I can’t deal with your failure right now. I need to take care of myself first now that you’re grown. Pack your things.”
He’d looked up sharply. “I can’t stay here?”
“I cannot watch this again, Sunburst. I can’t. You need to go for now.”
She’d packed his things neatly for him, and given him the suitcase before she shut the door.
He’d wandered around Sires Hollow in a daze, not quite sure what to do with himself. There was a small building of rooms for rent at the edge of the village and he’d stayed in one, but it hadn’t felt right. He wanted to go back and try and reason with his mother. Surely she was overreacting? She had to be.
So he’d gone back and knocked on her door. Stellar Flare had come and opened it warily.
“What is it, Sunburst? You shouldn’t be here. I know it takes you longer than two days to bring yourself together after something like this.”
“Mom, please let me stay. I don’t want to do this without you.”
“But you already did. You chose to undertake this on your own, despite my repeated warnings. You told me you needed to find your own way, but it wasn’t what you expected, was it?” Her voice was strange and hollow.
“But I didn’t know this would happen!” He’d said frustrated.
“I told you what would happen, but you didn’t listen to me. Just like you didn’t listen to my plans all those years ago.” Her voice was growing angry.
“Because they weren’t my plans! They were yours for me!”
“And look at where your own plans got you! Right back where you started! You never once thanked me for trying to help you all those years ago, and now you’re asking for my help again after you’ve rejected it for over a decade?!”
“Yes! Because you’re supposed to help me! You’re my mother!”
“I did help you as best I could in all that time. But you never once bothered to acknowledge it! And now that you’re grown I would have thought it would be the least you could do! But apparently not, because you’ve always been too proud to be thankful to your crazy mother!”
“You are crazy! You’ve always been crazy! Your plans have driven me crazy! I wanted a mom who would try and help me work through problems, not just give me answers I don’t want!"
“Well I wanted a son who could show some gratitude once in a while, so I guess we’ll both be disappointed!”
“Well I guess I don’t have a mother then!” He’d shouted.
Stellar Flare had frozen. At first, he’d thought it was because the impact of his words had hit her hard. But when her expression grew fearful, he knew something was wrong. She’d put a hoof to her chest, breathing shallowly, before she’d fallen to the ground, face twisted into something so odd he didn’t think he’d ever be able to describe it or get the image from his mind.
He’d screamed for help, and she had been taken to the hospital. They’d been so pressed for time he hadn’t been allowed in the ambulance. He’d galloped there, out of breath as he ran the distance between his mother’s home and the hospital. He’d arrived sweaty and out of breath.
He’d told the receptionist who he was, and she’d gotten the doctor.
He’d never forget the look on the doctor’s face. It was as grim as he’d ever seen. He’d told him in a horrible hushed tone that his mother had passed away. The stress level she’d had had caused a heart attack from a preexisting heart condition. He’d given his condolences before giving Sunburst time to himself.
Now, here he stood almost a month later, still in the same place he was that day. He continued to berate himself for her death, mentally lashing himself time and again for how things had gone that day.
I should have never said I don’t have a mother. I shouldn’t have argued with you. I knew you wanted what was best for me. I didn’t tell you thank you when I had the chance. Why is that?
Unlike other flighty things of this world, regrets tended to solidify and become concrete, never wearing away over time. He knew this regret would follow him until he had a headstone of his own, and would remain as pristine and fresh as his mother’s headstone was the day they put it in.
Tears began to pool in his eyes, the cold trying to freeze them solid. He didn’t remove his glasses that time. Didn’t see the point.
I’ll never get to see her again. I’ll never get to tell her I love her again. I’ll never get to ask her to hug me before bed again. I’ll never get to make this right.
Just as the wind was howling in his ears, Sunburst woke up shrieking.
He breathed raggedly, hard as he could. The sound of a Timberwolf howling had woken him, and he’d never been so grateful for such an ugly sound in all his life. The feeling of wetness on his cheek alarmed him. For a moment he thought the roof was leaking from rain, but then another idea hit and he swiped a hoof at his face to find that he was crying. He hadn’t cried from a nightmare since he’d been a colt.
He’d sat there in his bed a moment, trying to realign his senses with the waking world. The pattering of rain on the roof of his mother’s home, the claps of thunder, and the howling of Timberwolves had made it impossible to hear hoofsteps coming toward his room.
When the door opened, he jumped a mile high from fear.
“Sunburst?”
The one voice that had always been there to calm his nightmares sounded now, and he almost gasped in disbelief. His head snapped around, and he saw his mother standing there, hair slightly mussed from sleep. He reached a hoof out to try and feel for his glasses on the nightstand, and put them on.
His vision clearing to the point of there being no misconceptions, he could at last take in the idea that he was really awake, and that she was really there.
“Mom.” It was sigh of pure relief.
Stellar Flare went over to him. “Are you alright, honey?”
With uninhibited abandon, he threw his hooves around her, and buried his face in her neck, grateful.
“Thank you for everything you do for me, Mom. I’m sorry I didn’t say it before, but I’m saying it now. I’m so grateful to have you, and I love you so much.”
Stellar Flare was frozen in place for a moment, shocked by the sudden hug and admission before she hugged him back tightly.
“I know you are, sweetheart. And I love you too. Where did this come from, huh?” She asked, rubbing his back and using the tone she’d used when he was small.
“I had a nightmare is all.” He said quietly.
“Oh, Sunburst…” She gave him an extra squeeze. “Do you want to talk about it?”
He shook his head no, but said, “You were dead and it was my fault, and I never got to tell you so many things. I’m so sorry.”
“Sunny Bunny,” She said, using the nickname she’d given him as a foal, “You have nothing to be sorry for. I know you love me, and I love you the same. I’m still going to be here a good long time. Don’t you worry. I’ll always be here for you and love you.”
Sunburst held to her. He knew the promise wasn’t guaranteed to last forever, that someday he would end up visiting her grave. But he knew now that it would be with considerably more joy about a life well lived, and as long as she was here, he was content to believe that her promise would be enough for them both.
