Pinkie is currently banned from all local buffets unless accompanied by the towns only semi-responsible adult, Sunset Shimmer
Rainbow Dash looked first to her right at the six-foot-long party sub just purchased from Canterlot’s local sandwich shop and carefully curated with a number of different toppings. Normally, such an act would get her mouth salivating in anticipation of devouring any number of meats, cheeses, and vegetables. However, as she looked to her RIGHT at the naked Pinkie Pie sprawled out over a beach towel dropped across the curly-haired high schoolers bed, Rainbow Dash couldn’t get past two very important questions.
‘How?’ and also ‘Why?’
Rainbow Dash sighed. “Pinkie, I’m all for kinky, but I don’t think I can shove an entire six feet of party sub into you your vagina.”
Pinkie sighed as she took a break from stroking her own pleasure button in preparation have a bun put in the oven… not like… a baby, a literal bun in this case that was bound to be loaded with a bunch of different toppings and condiments. The OVEN in this context was the same but that was beside the point, because someone Pinkie THOUGHT was her best friend was getting cold feet about the cold cuts that were supposed to be shoved into her uterus.
“Well, not with THAT attitude!” Pinkie shrilled.
Rainbow Dash sighed. “Pinkie, this isn’t like… something I can just ‘believe in myself really hard’ and then suddenly your vagina becomes, like… some sort of bag of holding like out of Twilight’s RPG sessions. I know you’re stretchy, but—”
Pinkie suddenly sat up in bed, and made no attempt to hide her nudity as she did so. This treated Dash to a lovely display of Pinkie’s ample breasts jiggling on the curvaceous woman. “Oh! What if you got a running start?!”
Rainbow Dash’s train of thought immediately screeched to a halt. Part of her brain was trying to explain how volume worked and that even if Pinkie’s seemingly natural stretching powers worked overtime, there’s just no physical way a woman vagina and uterus could contain that much sub. And ALSO, that was probably unsafe? On the other hand, Pinkie’s solution involved running, and Rainbow Dash loved physical—
“No, Pinkie, this just doesn’t make any sense!” Rainbow Dash cried out in sudden desperation to try to assert just a little sense in the world once more.
“Hello, ‘Pinkie Pie’?” Pinkie said, pointing at herself, as if reminding her the friend who she was talking to would somehow push through the insanity of her being lanced by six feet of Subway sandwich.
Rainbow Dash sighed, reached into her pocket, and produced her phone. “I’m calling Sunset Shimmer.”
Pinkie Pie sighed and crossed her arms across her naked chest. “Fine, fine…”
Rainbow pressed the screen a few times and brought the phone up to her ear. “You know you can go back to touching yourself…”
“Touching myself is sandwich foreplay, Dashie!” Pinkie Pie hissed. “I’m not giving you a show because you’re chickening out on seeing how much teriyaki chicken, as well as an assortment of other flavors, you can get in me!”
“Okay, whatever!” Rainbow Dash said dismissively as the ringing stopped on the other line. Rainbow Dash noted that the amount of panicked background screaming on the call was 20… no 30% more than usual. This was doubly weird since Pinkie Pie was already HERE!
“This better be Important, Dash!” Sunset said brusquely into the phone.
Rainbow Dash frowned slightly. “Well… No one is in danger, yet, if that’s what you mean.”
Sunset sighed. “Alright, what is it?”
“Pinkie wants me to fuck her with a sandwich.”
“… Words cannot describe how little I need to know about this, Rainbow.”
“And not like a small sandwich!”
“Are you even paying attention to anything I’m saying?!”
“She wants me to stuff her with six-feet of party sub! You’d think she’d know better to avoid the sriracha mayonnaise, but no… half the sub is full of that!”
Sunset Shimmer responded with a frustrated groan. “Rainbow! I have an emu situation! A literal emu wrangling situation! Applejack is supposed to be playing cowgirl, but one stole her hat so THAT’S gone sideways, and don’t even get me started on Fluttershy.”
“Uh… Sounds not nearly as important as Pinkie and my sandwich fucking problem!”
“Right!” Pinkie agreed.
The sound of heavy items clattering to the floor and breaking glass can be heard on the other side of the phone. “How can destruction of school property and injuries to people be more important than your yeast infection fest waiting to happen?!”
“Because the emu thing doesn’t concern me directly!” Rainbow Dash answered.
“Hanging up now!” Sunset said.
“Wai! Twilight’s smart!”
“Intelligence operates in a number of different realms, but yes. Yes, she is.”
“Well, is she helping?”
“Oooo! Oooo! Ask her to ask Twilight to help us with the sandwich situation!”
“Pinkie, I can hear you, and ‘no’!” Sunset exclaimed.
Pinkie continued, “Ask her to ask Twilight to use science!”
Rainbow Dash sighed. “Pinkie, that doesn’t—”
“Twilight can’t just magically science away problems!” Sunset snapped over the phone. “Guys, I need to go! Twilight is working with her and my android daughter magically created during a science bender!”
Pinkie gasped. “Rainbow Dash! Tell Sunset to say hi to Dawn for me! Tell her I’m naked and ask her if pimento loaf is a real thing.”
“Pinkie, for the last time! Sunset can hear you!”
Sunset answered over the phone. “And there’s no way I’m—”
“Phone call sharing mode activated!” An emotionless feminine voice suddenly said on the phone. "Nudity acknowledged and pimento loaf is indeed a real thing; luncheon meat containing finely chopped beef and pork, as well as chopped pickles and pimiento."
“Oh, God damn it…” Sunset uttered. “Dawn get off the phone!”
“Initiating daughter sass mode: Don’t tell me how you live my life! I’m already 17 weeks old! I’m basically an adult!”
“You can’t speedrun being a teenager, Dawn!” Sunset exclaimed. “And by extension an infant, child, and preteen!”
“What does this have to do with me getting laid by several layers of perfectly cut meats and cheeses painstakingly added to Italian white bread by Canterlot’s local sandwich artist.”
Rainbow Dash crinkled her face and stared confused at Pinkie.
“Pinkie,” Sunset began, “ are you advertising for the local sandwich shop through shooting a porno?”
“Confirmation: affirmative,” Dawn answered, “I’m watching it now live!”
“Stop looking at porn in the middle of conversations to other people!” Sunset snapped.
“Mother Unit Beta, you would totally look at porn while conversing with others if you had internet directly wired into your thinking processes!”
“I don’t have a good response to that with all the true it is!” Sunset fired back.
“Well, weird as it is we can’t just not record Pinkie being sexed up by a sandwich!” Rainbow Dash insisted. “Like, where are people going to get their weird porn from if people don’t record themselves having weird sex!”
“Calculating...”
“Oh for the love of-Twilight!” Sunset yelled.
“Yes, Sunset. What’s the problem?” Twilight’s voice chimed in.
“Dawn is”—
“Calculating...”
Pinkie sighed and threw her arms up in the air, causing another round of her breasts to jiggle on her chest. “Not helping me get fucked by a sandwich, that’s for sure! Come on guys! Just have Dawn robot murder all the emus already! There’s a lot of guys out there waiting to beat their meat me getting fucked up by—”
“Yes, meat! We get it!” Sunset said in an exasperated tone.
“Well, it is the top live video by views on Pron Wheel,” Twilight informed.
Sunset groaned. “Twilight, why are you watching porn?! Wait, Twilight, how are you on the phone?! And don't just say 'Scie—'"
"Science?"
"Damnit!"
Twilight continued, “Also, I’m supporting our friend’s hobbies!” Twilight insisted. “Isn’t that how friendship works?”
“Calculating...”
“Okay while working with Dawn?”
“Pausing calculations to argue with parental unit: Dawn appreciates her porn watching seasons with Mother Unit Alpha!”
Sunset growled.
“I can explain!” Twilight cried. “I have a robot fetish, Sunset, you know that. You know that!”
“WHY HAVEN’T I INVITED TO THE BORDERLINE INCESTIAL ROBOT DAUGHTER PORN WATCHING SEASONS?!”
“I can’t explain!” Twilight corrected.
“Guys! An Emu still has my hat!” Applejack’s voice called out. “And he won’t go down no matter how hard I punch! He’s a tough varmint!”
“Some of us have real problems, Applejack!” Sunset exclaimed.
Pinkie rolled her eyes. “Like me who—”
“Everyone knows you want to be fucked by a sandwich, Pinkie!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.
“Also, Fluttershy is bleeding an awful lot from trying to hug the birds into behaving!” Applejack added.
“First aid kits exist!” Sunset reminded. “Twilight! Why does Dawn try to answer rhetorical questions like they’re real questions?”
“Calculating...”
Twilight sighed. “Do you know how hard it is to teach an AI the difference between a query and a conversational question posed at no one?”
“Calculating...All calculations complete.” Dawn announced. “No one will get their weird porn videos if they’re not recorded. The problem was Mother Unit Beta is frustrated by a number of completely normal life events. That is exactly how friendship works. It is exceedingly hard for this unit to tell the difference between queries posed to be answered and queries that supposedly have a self-evident answer.
Rainbow Dash groaned. “You know, I think maybe this was a bad idea…”
Pinkie let out an indignant shrill.
“Oh, not the sandwich thing, though it’s weird.”
“Dash, could you get off the line?” Sunset asked
“I called you!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. “How does this even work on cell phones?!”
“Calculating...”
“Whatever, Just be quieter for a second then. Twilight, Dawn, when are you guys going to deal with the Emu probl—”
“New subroutine complete!” Dawn announced. “Executing Emu destruction wave!”
‘PHHHHOOOOOM!’
Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie suddenly snapped their heads to look out the window where a pillar of blue light had shot up from roughly where the Canterlot high would be and blew through the cloud line, scattering a collection of the fluffy white vapor masses in all directions.
“Okay, we solved our problem!” Sunset said as there was a sudden downpour of rain that just as quickly stopped.
“Mu-mu haaat!” Applejack wailed in the background.
“Finally!” Pinkie said. “So…”
Rainbow Dash pinched the bridge of her nose. “Sunset, it’s fine. I’ll figure this out on—”
“Right… uh… Did Pinkie consent to being railed with a sandwich? No wait, stupid question… She set the whole thing up. Uh, right Okay… just like… you girls have ‘fun’, I guess, and be sure to set up appointments with your gynecologists after this romp.”
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “Alright, dad!” She answered snidely. “Bye!”
“… Wait, wha—”
Rainbow Dash turned off the phone and took another, befuddled look at the sandwich.
Pinkie let out a ‘Great Idea’ gasp, which statistically meant she was about to have a colossally bad idea. “What if you start small and like… we fuck each other which the sandwich.”
Rainbow Dash cocked an eyebrow. “Come again?”
Pinkie smirked. “I have to come once for that to happen.”
Rainbow Dash groaned.
“Here!” Pinkie said as she laid back on the bed. “Just… get undressed, grab a however much of the sandwich you can hold, and start using your vag to push in the doughy goodness into my vag!”
Rainbow Dash cringed, yet somehow found herself taking off shoes, socks, her shirt, pants, then underwear. Pinkie Pie was the only one she knew who could be weird enough in bed to give her pause… well… save Adagio Dazzle, but like… that was ADAGIO… this whole situation had made her both horny and hungry so she might as well attempt to do something about one.
Pinkie let out a squee of anticipatory delight as Dash began to look over her options for sex-sandwich.
“Sriracha mayo on the side that’s going inside me!” Pinkie requested.
Rainbow Dash sighed and managed to pick out a length of sub that she maybe would learn to enjoy rubbing against and Pinkie seemed delighted. As Rainbow Dash made her way over to the bed, Pinkie leaned way back on her back and spread her legs spread eagle so Dash would able to come at the girl’s lady bits directly. Positioning Pinkie’s half of the sandwich directly over the girls practically quivering womanhood, Pinkie graciously reached out to steady the sandwich and allowed Rainbow Dash to start lining up her half.
Rainbow Dash swallowed. This was insane, but … she sighed … “Too late to back out now…”
“Huh?” Pinkie replied. “Says who? There’s no ghhhaaa-AAAAAAAAhhhhhhOOOOOOooooooooo~~~~OOOOOOOoooo…!”
Rainbow Dash wasn’t sure why she was surprised, but somehow Pinkie’s side of the sandwich slid right into the girl and she was already pulling the big, thick collection of bread and assorted foodstuff in and out of her as if she would any properly sized dildo.
Rainbow Dash, unsurprisingly, was having a much harder time and wasn’t so much getting railed like she would like and instead was smashing a luke-warm, gooey mess against her lower lips and clitoris. With a grunt and a frustrated shift of her body, something magical happened. Rainbow Dash let out a moan as she could feel bits of rolled ham, or perhaps turkey, slide deep inside her and tickle her insides. What’s more, bulbous vegetables sliced began to rub against her vagina walls sending wave of pleasu—Nope, nope! That was clearly a red onion rubbing against her clit and pepperoncini up her snatch! No, no, no!
Rainbow Dash rolled over onto her back and pulled the sandwich away, but there was still the feeling of bits inside her. Bits that itched and burned. She momentarily considered yelling at Pinkie Pie for this gratuitously stupid idea that Rainbow Dash found herself attached to through no fault of her own, but the other woman had seemly noticed Rainbow’s distress and has sprung into action.
Ignoring her own pleasure cruise of fixings slathered in spicy mayonnaise rubbing all up inside of her, Pinkie rolled on top of Dash then lowered her head so her mouth was now lips to lips with Dash’s lower bits. Of course, said bits where covered in various foodstuff which Pinkie wasted no time nibbling away and licking at.
Rainbow Dash inhaled sharply and reached out to have her fingers through Pinkie’s curls. Christ, the acid from the vegetables burned, but holy moly did Pinkie’s tongue feel good. Pinkie even opened her mouth wide and placed it over Rainbow Dash’s opening where the pink-skinned woman began to suck for all she was worth.
Pleasure which had turned into pain was once again pleasure and Rainbow Dash could feel her body reacting to the constant stimulation of her most sensitive spots. She felt Pinkie’s tongue darted inside her and press against the pepperoncini were it the morsel was brought into Pinkie’s mouth.
At once the irritation was replaced by Pinkie’s gentle lapping and Rainbow Dash let her body do its thing. Wave after wave of pleasure washed over her as she grasped the towel and blanket, she was on top of hard. She let out a loud moan that left little to the imagination that was happening to her and squirmed as Pinkie let out a giggle from between her thighs and continued a few prodding licks just to really push Dash over the edge.
After a few more seconds of pure, sandwich induced pleasure, Rainbow Dash finally stopped cumming and could have, semi-rational thoughts once more.
Pinkie leaned up, propping her chin on her palm and stared at Dash like that cat that had just caught the canary.
There was an audible gasp from somewhere else in the house and knock on the door. “Rainbow Dash?! Did you just cum?!” a woman’s voice asked.
Rainbow Dash sighed. “Yes, mom.”
“Okay, your dad’s here with the camera and the ‘Canterlot’s longest Squirt’ first prize trophy! Do you want to pose with Pinkie?”
“And what’s left of the sandwich!” Pinkie added chipperly.
“Okay, and what’s left of the sandwich!” Windy Whistles said. “Wait, what?”
“Mom, dad! Can it wait?!” Rainbow Dash asked.
Rainbow could hear her dad began to protest. “But I’ve got the lighting right and everything!”
Rainbow Dash sighed. “Look, you two can cheer me on while I masturbate later tonight, does that sound like a fair compromise?”
“Alright, Sweetie!” Bow Hoof replied. “I’ll make sure to get extra lube and towels for you! Love you lots!”
“I love you too, Sweetie!” Windy Whistles added as the muffled sound of two adults backing things up and walking away could be head from behind the door.
Rainbow Dash couldn’t help but sigh as she looked over Pinkie’s nude, voluptuous figure once more. “Parents, am I right?”
“Uh… riiiiiiight…” Pinkie said in an unsure tone, her lips going flat as she tried and failed to process what just happened. Relegating it to too weird or troublesome to deal with, she instead smiled. “There’s still plenty of sandwich left. Want to go again?”
This time Rainbow Dash rolled onto her back. “Okay, but hit me with the sriracha sauce this time, I think I can take the heat.”
A wicked grin spread across Pinkie’s face. She raised the sandwich. “Alright, prepare for some painfully delicious sex!”
“Just one thing,” Rainbow Dash said.
“Yes, Dashie?”
“Why the hell did you feel like fucking a sandwich?”
“Oh, the aquarium is closed on Mondays,” Pinkie answered.
The end.
