Scoots and Bloom go to Hayburger
“And that was our show for today! I’m Vinyl Scratch, and I’m out; Bye!”.
“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, Apple Bloom there’s nothing to do! We’ve already down everything we can think of!”, Scootaloo groaned as she shut off the radio.
Apple Bloom put her hoof to her chin and though aloud for a moment.
“Well, before the radio, we scooted around for like an hour, caused a riot that resulted in several injuries, and all the while managed to split the fifth dimension and free Doug Dimmadome, Owner of the Dimsdale Dimmadome from his two-thousand year long slumber”, the farmer said.
Suddenly, they heard a voice coming from outside their clubhouse.
“Have y’all seen my son?! Ah need to find him so I can be a proper father!”, a powerful demigod shouted.
“Go away Doug Dimmadome, Owner of the Dimsdale Dimmadome! We’re trying to think about shit and we don’t need you summoning evil”, Scootaloo shouted back.
The overlord of the fifth dimension began to cry and ran into the Everfree Forrest, where he was swallowed by a fabulous water serpent.
Suddenly, Scootaloo’s stomach grumbled.
“You sound hungry, Scoots. Whaddaya say we get some food?”, Apple Bloom asked.
“Hell to the yes, A.B., I’m down for that!”, Scootaloo happily said back.
They made their way out of the clubhouse just to run into a very dazzling man.
“Excuse me, bitches, but would you happen to know where my friend is?”, the funky man asked.
“Maybe, what’s his name?”, Apple Bloom nonchalantly said back.
“His name is-“, he was interrupted by some ruffling bushes.
A man in a blue track jacket and jeans stepped out of the bushes, drawing the attention of the funky man.
“Charlie Murphy!”, the man yelled.
The man ran from the funky one, making the funk-master laugh.
“Uh, mister, who are you?”, Scootaloo asked.
The man looked at them both and said words that sent shivers down their young spines.
“I’m Rick James, bitch”.
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After watching Rick James bitch slap Charlie Murphy, the two girls found themselves walking down Main Street, when they heard a commotion near Sugarcube Corner.
“Hello, it’s me! I’m here to purchase some sweets, SO I CAN FEEL HAPPY!”, a fat red guy said as he bounced on his thick ass cheeks.
Mr. Cake was very uncomfortable, stepping back as the red guy rolled around on his floor. The devil-like individual was having the time of his life as the married yellow man spoke.
“Sir, could you please stop rolling around on the floor? It’s very dirty and you’re scaring the foals”, the baker said politely.
The two squabbled for a bit, but by the end of it Apple Bloom and Scootaloo were already gone. They walked in silence for a moment, until Apple Bloom broke the silence.
“What the fuck was that? Who was that guy? Why was he bouncing on his ass? Why was he rolling on the floor? More importantly, why aren’t we at HayBurger yet?”, she pondered
Scootaloo stopped in the middle of the street, causing Apple Bloom to meet her gaze. After a stare, Scoots answered the question.
“Bish I dunno let’s get the damn burgers gosh”.
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The line at Hayburger was long and it made both fillies want to commit suicide. It seemed the cashier was dumb, because he screwed up someone’s order.
“I said I wanted a Hayburger with nothing on it! You just gave me two buns!”, the angered patron shouted.
“Dude, you said you wanted nothing on it! Hey Ric, didn’t he say that?”, the dread locked sex god said to the fry cook, which just so happened to be sixteen time WCW World Heavyweight Champion Ric Flair.
“WOOOOOO! YOU ASKED FOR NOTHING, AND YOU RECIEVED, WOOOOOO!”, The Nature Boy said as he flipped a patty.
The customer simply exited the restaurant, contemplating all of their life choices that lead them to this confusing moment.
The line moved faster, until the two girls were at the front.
“Welcome to HayBurger, home of the Hayburger, may I take your order?!?!?!”, the cashier said.
“Yeah, can we get two burgers and two Surge Colas?”, Apple Bloom asked.
The cashier died, and their order was given to them.
As they walked out into the cool breeze, the wind going through their names and hunger aching them, they realized they had learned a valuable lesson. It didn’t matter if Doug Dimmadome, Rick James, The Devil from Cow and Chicken, or Ric Flair had made their day weirder, it was about friendship. Yeah, friendship, I guess.
They began to eat their food, enjoying every bit of the unhealthy grease buckets of lust. They began to contemplate what to do after they were done. Would their life have purpose? Would it? Honestly? Please, someone answer me? Is it just me here? No? Anyway..
“Scootaloo, can I ask you a question?”, Apple Bloom asked.
“Sure, man, ask away”, she responded as she dug in.
“Why are there all these strange beings in our world? Who summoned them?”, the yellow horse asked.
Scootaloo looked at her strangely.
“Bloom, I’m not the one who should know this. Ask the author, who is currently up at 4:54 a.m. on a Sunday night, even though they have no school and no girlfriend to wake up to and who is currently writing about nonsense and ponies. Maybe they’d understand and know why our world is literally falling apart in front of us”, the lesbian responded.
Both mares heads turned to me, and I looked them both in their eyes. I had to admit, I was frozen with with fear. Apparently, hay is the equivalent to cocaine in their world and I had gotten them duped up.
“Don’t look at me, I’m just your friendly neighborhood Milk Man, isn’t that right, Numbah 4?”.
“You’re right wanker, he’s innocent and should REALLY GET SOME SLEEP! DID YOU GET THAT? HUH? SLEEP MAN!”.
SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!
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“Mom, what does that story have to do with anything?”, Sweetie Belle asked her mother as she tucked her in.
“Stay away from those fucking delinquents, Sweetie Belle, they trip acid all day”.
