Twilight, you have a problem
“This was a really good book. I’m glad I finally rented it.”
In the library of her castle, Princess Twilight Sparkle rested in a chair and had finished reading a new book. Between her princess duties and semi-weekly freak outs and panic attacks, Twilight enjoys being able to just relax and not worry about anything going wrong. The smell of books on the bookshelves lining the walls of the library further calms her when she reads. She particularly needed to relax at this moment.
Three weeks ago, she and her friends were captured by Queen Chrysalis and the Changelings. But thanks to both a heroic and Oscar-worthy effort from her student, Starlight Glimmer, they were all saved. Twilight, once freed, “persuaded” the Changelings to reform.
Except Queen Chrysalis. The Princess of Friendship had other plans for her.
For ponynapping her niece, Flurry Heart, Twilight punished Chrysalis with something she dubbed “The Works”, where her consciousness was trapped in a lightless void. There, Chrysalis was forced to hear the voice of Pinkie Pie yelling Twilight’s friendship speeches, non-stop, and in twice her normal yell. Which is already loud.
Twilight planned for the punishment to last for a year, but her friends pleaded desperately for her to release the Queen. After Starlight cast a temporary age spell on Flurry Heart, so she could beg Twilight to do it, Twilight reversed the spell and freed Chrysalis from the nightmarish void; this was three days ago.
Chrysalis still whimpered in a fetal position. Fluttershy decided to stay by her, hoping that it could bring Chrysalis back to her sanity sooner.
With a peaceful smile, Twilight levitated her book on a table beside her with her magic. However, once it touched the table, a being teleported in front of her, forcing Twilight to yelp and jump in her chair out of surprise. The strange being had a serpentine-like body, but stood on two legs, which themselves were each different. Both a blue wing, similar to a Pegasus’s, and a bat wing were attached to his sides. He had a left arm of a...uh...okay, what am I doing? We all know how Discord looks, so let’s just move on.
Anyway, something was gravely wrong. Whenever Discord came uninvited to see Twilight, he normally wore a smile and said something -- often with puns -- to mess with her. Picking on Twilight Sparkle on occasion had become something of a hobby of Discord’s. He usually justifies his fun as “teaching her friendship lessons”.
However, this time Discord was in no mood for games. He wore a frown full of concern, with a bit of anger.
“Discord? What’s wrong?”
In a serious voice, which he seldom speaks in, Discord answered, “Twilight Sparkle? We need to have a Draconequus-to-Alicorn talk. Now.”
“Why? What--”
Discord snapped his fingers, and the purple chair Twilight sat on transformed into a purple couch, a type similar to what patients in therapy may lie on. Twilight herself was repositioned and lay on her back.
At the same time, a brown chair materialized under Discord, and a larger one poofed beside it. Paper and a red quill also materialized, both held in midair with Discord’s levitation. “Okay, Twilight? You have a problem.”
“What problem?”
“Your punishments are getting out of control!”
Twilight’s eyes widened at Discord’s claim. “What? No, they’re not!”
“Oh no? First, you gave Starlight ‘The Treatment’ for interrupting one of your little friendship speeches.”
Twilight sat up and countered, “Hey, it wasn’t ‘little’! I worked on the one I tried to give her for a month!”
“And just because of that, you tortured Starlight for two months! I mean, you took away her ability to use magic, tied her down in your castle for five hours every day during those two months and you...you...you forced her to listen to your in-progress friendship speeches! I thought you were better than that as the ‘Princess of Friendship’!”
Twilight’s angered expression relaxed. She knew Discord had a point, and she shouldn’t have abused her magic as an Alicorn at full power. She lay on her back again. “Okay, maybe I got a little--”
“MAYBE?! You got carried away and tortured a pony just because she made you mad!”
Twilight scoffed, “And didn’t you get carried away by turning on us for Tirek because you thought friendship was ‘bondage’? I could’ve been nicer to you I guess, but you turned on Fluttershy!”
“Okay, it was just that one time, Twilight Sparkle! One time! And what I did to you still wasn’t as bad as what you did to Starlight when you gave her ‘The Treatment’!”
Twilight wanted to counter, but thinking about “The Treatment” she conceded, “Fine, point taken.”
“And later, you gave Chrysalis ‘The Works’! I will admit, even I didn’t like how she ponynapped Flurry Heart. But, Twilight, you made her listen to Pinkie Pie’s voice preaching your friendship speeches at twice the volume of her loudest scream! What are you, a monster?!”
“But Flurry’s the closest I--”
“Yeah, yeah, she’s the closest you have to a daughter, I get it. But still, Twilight, listen to me. You’re close to becoming a villain.”
Twilight sat up with a glare. “Okay, that’s pushing it, Discord! I admit I get carried away sometimes, but I’ll never try to hurt innocent ponies like a villain would!”
Discord lightly tapped his goatee with his quill. “I don’t know. Back in Starlight’s old village, you looked like you might have hurt Double Diamond if he didn’t back off when you were putting Starlight through the wringer.”
“What? No, I wasn’t! I was just giving him a warning.”
“But what if he didn’t listen? What if he instead stood up to you?”
“Well, maybe I would’ve given him just a weaaaaak little--”
“I rest my case. Now, tell me what’s going on in that head of yours, Twilight, so I can help you before it’s too late. And if you need me, the Lord of Chaos, to do this, that should tell you something.”
Twilight again lay on her back on the couch and lightly rubbed the hooves on her forelegs. “Well...I guess I’m just a little stressed.”
With his quill still held with levitation, Discord wrote on the paper he also levitated in the air. “Stressed, you say?”
“Yeah. I love being a princess and do my part to help Equestria, but it can be a bit stressful.”
Discord wrote more on his paper. “I see. What else?”
“And...sometimes I feel like other ponies don’t take me seriously like they do others.”
“To be fair, Twilight, you can stress out about the silliest things.”
“Well, yeah, but I'm sometimes right about things I ‘stress out’ about. Like I was when I tried to tell my friends that something was wrong with Cad--”
“And let’s not talk about that train wreck. Those watching from other worlds wouldn’t want that” -- Discord snapped his fingers and a can full of wriggling worms materialized -- “can-of-worms to be opened again.” With another snap of Discord’s fingers, the can and worms vanished.
“Huh? What ‘can-of-worms’ and who’s watching us? And how did you even know about--”
“Uh, let’s move on. Now, it sounds to me like, when you gave Starlight ‘The Treatment’ and Chrysalis ‘The Works’, you were releasing some pent-up aggression.”
“I...guess I was.”
“But you’re going down a dark path, Twilight Sparkle. If you keep this up, you could become not just a villain, but the most feared villain Equestria has ever seen! You must never give ‘The Treatment’ or ‘The Works’ again.”
Twilight gasped. True, she can be rash when angry. The Alicorn really should take anger management classes before she hurts somepony. Even so, Princess Twilight Sparkle, the Princess of Friendship, becoming a villain, let alone the most feared one? “Oh, come on! I might share Starlight’s tendency to sometimes overdo things, but I’m still a good pony! I’ll never let myself become a villain!”
One of the light-green double-doors to the library creaked open, revealing a menacing figure. Twilight lifted and turned her head to the figure, and a flood of fear flowed through her veins upon laying eyes at the Alicorn in her sight.
The Alicorn wore a black coat. Her Cutie Mark, one of a crescent moon, was light-blue, seemingly glowing compared to the figure’s dark coat. The pony's coat was in too dark a color to be Princess Luna.
Twilight looked past her fear, gritted her teeth, stood on the couch, and spread out her wings. “Nightmare Moon?! What are--”
In a shockingly calm voice, Nightmare Moon interrupted, “At ease, Princess Twilight Sparkle. I’m not here to take over Equestria or for any kind of revenge.”
At the highly unexpected words from Nightmare Moon, Twilight relaxed her teeth and folded her wings. “Then, why are you here? And how?”
“Discord used his chaos magic to bring me back, but only for a short time. But I’m here to ask you to listen to Discord, and never punish with ‘The Treatment’ or ‘The Works’ ever again.”
Twilight’s eyes doubled in size. Her mouth dropped to the couch. Nightmare Moon, an actual villain, was pleading with her to not punish with either “The Treatment” or “The Works” again? She wanted to pinch herself, but having hooves meant she needed to think of another way to check if she was dreaming. Remembering that she didn’t cast a spell on herself, to practice friendship speeches in her dreams, allowed her to rule out that this was a dream.
“Really? You think I’m out of control too?”
Nightmare Moon nodded her head. “Yes. The worst thing I can do is cover Equestria in eternal night. You’re powerful enough to do something far worse: torture everypony in Equestria with proto-friendship speeches.” Nightmare Moon walked into the library and sat on the still-empty chair Discord materialized into existence previously.
Truly understanding that this was real and not a dream, Twilight again lay on her couch. The unrealness of the situation made her need to lie down.
“You understand, Princess Twilight? Equestria won’t survive if you become something like...uh...wait, what would you call a dark version of her, Discord?”
Discord pulled on his goatee. “Uh...maybe something like ‘Darklight Sparkle’?”
“Or ‘Twilight Dimmer’?”
Discord shook his head. “No, that won’t do. How about we take a different angle and go with ‘Deliverer of Torment’?”
“Well, that’s not bad, but--”
Twilight raised her head off the couch and suggested, “Wait, how about ‘Midnight Sparkle’?”
Discord answered, “Well, that’s good, but see what I mean about you going down a dark path?”
“What? I don’t get it.”
“You quickly thought of a great name for your dark counterpart. Luna did that for my name, and soon afterward, I was born!”
“I can understand where you two are coming from. But, Nightmare Moon, you were jealous of Princess Celestia and wanted recognition from ponies, right? But I’m not like that. I just can’t stand my friendship speeches getting interrupted and my niece being ponynapped. I work hard on my speeches, and I love my niece like my own daughter.”
Discord explained, “Yes, but what if somepony interrupts one of your friendship speeches by accident? Or what if they did it because they needed to say something urgent, but you got too mad to see it? You hate showing more than half your full power out of fear of ‘showing off’, so very few know how strong you really are."
Nightmare Moon added, "But at your full power, you are the second strongest Alicorn in Equestria, thus your magic would be nigh-unstoppable to any pony but the strongest Alicorn.”
“Wait, if I’m the second strongest Alicorn, who’s the strongest? Princess Celestia?”
“No, she’s the third strongest. I’m the strongest Alicorn. But that’s beside the point: you need to stop lest you risk becoming Midnight Sparkle.”
Twilight laid her head back on the couch, then rolled her eyes up to think. She was given great points. As Midnight Sparkle, she might give ponies “The Treatment”, “The Works”, or even her cruelest punishment, “The Ultima”, out of pleasure, not as punishments when she’s angry enough to do it. “Well...maybe you’re right. I did get carried away with punishing Starlight, but I’m still not sorry for giving Chrysalis ‘The Works’.”
Knowing this would be as far as he would get with Twilight, Discord said, “Augh, fine. Still, unless you want to risk truly becoming a monster as Midnight Sparkle, you must never give either ‘The Treatment’ or ‘The Works’ again. If you’re really a good pony and care about Equestria, you’ll do it, Twilight.”
“Think of the foals, Princess Twilight. Think of the foals.”
“I...I...okay, you two win. I promise to never give ‘The Treatment’ or ‘The Works’ again.”
Noticing something that Twilight was doing, Discord asked, “Twilight?”
“What?”
“Don’t think Nightmare Moon and I don’t know what you’re doing by crossing your hooves.”
“What? I’m just...playing with them. I do that when I’m stressed.”
Nightmare Moon asked, “You think I was born yesterday, Princess Twilight?”
“To be fair, I only brought you back two hours ago.”
“Fair point.”
Discord turned his attention to the lying Twilight. “But as for you, Twilight, uncross your hooves and give that promise again.”
“Okay, I’m uncrossing them. Now, I promise to never give ‘The Treatment’ or ‘The Works’ again.”
Nightmare Moon said, “Good, but uncross your wings and do it one more time.”
Realizing she would have to stop trying to cheat and actually give the promise, Twilight said, “Okay, okay! I’m uncrossing my wings too. Now, I promise to never give ‘The Treatment’ or ‘The Works’ again!”
“Good girl.” With his mission accomplished, Discord snapped his fingers and the couch Twilight lay on reverted back to the chair it was originally. Twilight was no longer lying on her back, but sitting in the position she was in before Discord teleported into her library. “Now, I think our talk is done, so you can go now. My check will come in the mail.”
“What ‘check’?”
“The check for your therapy session, of course,” Discord explained.
“Wait, you didn’t say this was a ‘therapy session’. You said it was a Draconequus-to-Alicorn talk!”
“Why can’t it be both? Now, my schedule is quite busy so” -- Discord materialized a small lavender bag in front of Twilight -- “here’s your bag of candy and have a good day. And remember: You promised to never give ‘The Treatment’ or 'The Works’ again.”
“I know, and I’m a pony of her word.”
Levitating her bag of candy beside her, Twilight hopped off her chair and trotted out of her library. Once out, she said to herself, “Well, I guess I can’t punish with ‘The Treatment’ or ‘The Works’ anymore. But at least I can still punish with ‘The Ultima’! I just hope to never have to do it.”
But as she trotted down the hallways in her castle, Twilight became aware of something important. She stopped in her tracks.
“Wait, why do I have to be the one to leave? This is my castle!”
Author's Note
This may very well go down as Princess Twilight Sparkle's weirdest day ever. You know you need some help if Discord needs to have this kind of talk with you. Even more so if he brings in a villain to help out.
Jokes aside, I wasn't planning on doing this story. But after some users had an interest in it, I wrote it.
