Why Alicorns don't get Invited to Birthday Parties
What I did on my winter break
By: Flurry Heart
Class: Writing
Teacher: Mrs. Runon Sentence
Grade: 1st
I had fun while we were off school for Hearth's Warming. I took snowboarding lessons. Daddy and I went camping once, but it was very cold. Mommy and I practiced magic lots. Three nice ponies from Ponyville visited and tried to help me get my cutie mark. It didn't work. But, the most fun I had visiting my ~~ant~~ aunt Twilight. Aunt Twilight is on sabbatical on Earth. She does science at a human ~~ubiversity~~ grown-up school. We stayed in a house. The other houses close by had many human foals! There were many other ~~foals~~ children my age to play with. At home in the Crystal Castle there are not so many foals to play with. The best of the whole break was Christine's seventh birthday party. Christine lived next door to Aunt Twilight. I got invited to the birthday party. I never went to a birthday party before. Not on Earth, not at home. The party was fun, but poor Mr. Sunburst had to go lay down and rest when we got back to the house...
Sunburst was curled up in a lounge chair on the back patio of Twilight's rented house, watching three human children and Flurry Heart run around the back yard. Paige Zagorski, the next-door neighbor, sat next to Sunburst, reclined on another lounger. Deep South summer sun baked them all.
Paige's three kids scrambled up the plastic slide, using hands and feet, squealing and laughing, and collapsed onto the floor of the wooden platform at the center of the swingset.
Flurry hopped onto the bottom of the slide and tried to follow them up, all four hooves skittering on the smooth plastic, her tongue halfway out and eyes narrowed in concentration.
Sunburst covered his mouth with a fetlock to hide a smile, and Paige took a sip of iced tea.
Her slick hooves scrambled but made no progress, and Flurry stopped, stood at the bottom of the slide, and angrily flitted her wings. "Hmmmmph!"
She teleported to the top of the slide with a snap. A Flurry-shaped cloud of shed hair remained behind, and floated down to the slide after she was gone.
"Hey, no fair!" Christine shouted.
"Yuh-huh fair!" Flurry replied. "I don't have thumbs, so it's fair!" She stomped her little hooves. Angry snowflakes swirled around the foal and three children for a moment before melting in the summer heat.
Flurry looked at the snowflakes, frowned, and said, "Sorry..."
The children all grabbed the short firepole and slid down to the grass, and Flurry followed with two flaps of her wings, and then they were off again, running (galloping) up the grassy hill, toward the trees that marked the property line.
The Zagorski's golden retriever cowered in his doghouse, trembling and whimpering, still remembering his first run-in with the small filly, and well aware of who had come out as the alpha.
"Flurry!" Sunburst called. "Come take a break."
"Awwwwww!"
He waved with his hoof. The filly stomped to him and plopped down on her bottom with a frown. "They don't have to take breaks, Sunburst. You're embarrassing me."
"You're getting a frothy sweat," he said. "This place is way hotter than the Empire. Take a cold drink."
She levitated up a Princess Leia water bottle and sipped at the straw, and flared her wings off her sides and fanned them. Sweat rolled down her flanks. Sunburst grabbed a bottle of sunscreen in his teeth and squeezed a dab onto her nose, and then smeared it around with his hoof. "If you get sunburned or heatstroke, the Princesses will never forgive me."
She wrinkled her nose. "That sunscreen smells like pineapple. I dunna like it."
"It's not real pineapple, you'll be fine."
"Hmmm?" Paige said.
"Flurry and p—" Sunburst began.
"Not in front of the humans!" Flurry hissed, blushing.
Sunburst levitated up a brush and began working it down her flanks, removing massive gobs of light-pink hair. "You've barely begun to blow your winter coat. You're baking. Look at that sweat. You need a bath tonight. You smell like a diamond dog."
"It's not my fault it's winter back home and summer here!"
The woman chuckled. "You'll make a good mother someday, Sunburst."
From the roof of the house, Flash Sentry made a snrk sound.
Sunburst glared up at the pegasus guard.
"Can I pleeeease go play again?" Flurry whined.
Sunburst waved her away, and she teleported into the middle of the game of tag, fifty feet upslope. More hair floated down, left behind by her teleport. A titmouse flew down from the piney woods, grabbed a beakful, and flitted off.
"Let me ask you," Paige said, glancing up at Flash and then looking at Sunburst, "Christine's seventh birthday party is this weekend. Saturday at noon. Would you two, Flurry, and Twilight like to attend?"
Flash frowned. "I know Twily has... I mean, the princess has some experiments going on at the university this weekend. She has solid-state NMR time, whatever that means."
Sunburst nodded. "There's no reason that we couldn't take Flurry, though. We'll ask her when she gets back this afternoon."
"Excellent! No need to bring presents. There'll be cake, ice cream, bouncy castles, laser tag, piñata, ball pits—Sunburst! Are you okay? Your face just went really pale."
Twilight, Flurry, Sunburst, and Flash Sentry piled out of the large SUV in front of Lazer Birthday Quest and Games Party Pizzeria.
The warehouse-like building covered more ground than the Crystal Castle.
Yeah. This wasn't going to be a relaxing afternoon, was it?
"Will you need another ride right after you drop off su niña, ma'am?" asked the Lyft driver.
"No thanks! These three are staying here, and I'll just teleport to my lab at the University. Have a great day!"
The Lyft driver pursed his lips and frowned as the vehicle idled. Flurry levitated out a small pink gift bag, and then Flash closed the SUV's door with his back hoof.
"Crud," Sunburst said.
"I loathe these things," Twilight grumped.
Flash whimpered.
The automatic door—devoid of magic, yet fully self-controlled—waited for them, glowering like a hellmouth.
Flash clamped his wings to his sides and sprinted through, losing a feather to the edge of the door.
Sunburst closed his eyes, lowered his horn, and trudged through the opening like a stallion walking to his execution, hooves scraping.
Twilight teleported across the threshold.
Sunburst turned around, watched the doors slide shut, and said, "Made it!"
Flurry—still outside—rolled her eyes and pranced through the door, humming softly and levitating up the gift bag. "You three are embarrassing yourselves in front of the humans."
Flash turned in place, taking in the noise, strobe lights, fog machines, thumping music, and hundreds of humans.
Twilight winged out her iPhone, levitated up her stylus, and tapped in the five-star review and twenty percent tip for the Lyft driver.
Sunburst pushed his glasses up his nose. His ears flattened to his head as "Bad Romance" blared on the speakers. Why did humans like so much bass in their music? They were worse than DJ P0N-3.
Flurry trotted up to a human behind a desk. A large bin on wheels was labelled Christine Zagorski party with green dry-erase marker, flowers and butterflies drawn around the words.
Flurry flapped and landed on the desk, nose-to-nose with the human. The teenager looked up from her textbook and her jaw dropped.
The human teen said, "Mrs. Zagorski told me there was a pony invited to the party, but I didn't actually... uh..."
"Hi! I'm Flurry!" Her magical aura sputtered out as Flurry dropped the gift bag next to herself on the table. She lifted a tiny hoof and held it out to the human.
"Whoa... hi." The redheaded teen blinked a few times, as her brain accepted the fact that a talking, flying sapient equine the size of a sheltie was offering her a hoof. She raised her fist and bumped Flurry's hoof. "Is that a present for Christine?"
"Yu-huh!" Flurry shouted with a nod and wingbeat. "We bringed some rubies and emeralds! Christine loves those colors!"
The teenager's face went pale as she lifted the weighty gift bag, and placed it in the wheeled bin with the other brightly wrapped gifts. She then stood up and looked down over her counter, at the three adult ponies. If 'adult' could be made to work for creatures the size of German Shepherds or, in Flash's case, a Saint Bernard.
She looked at Flash's wings, Sunburst's horn, and Twilight's wings and horn. "Ummmm... I need a parent to sign the release form."
Twilight trotted forward and stood, forehooves on the counter. "I'm her aunt, and legal guardian while she's on Earth. What's your name?"
"Roberta. Could I please see your ID?"
Twilight used her flight feathers to pinch her passport out of her saddlebag.
"Princess Twilight Sparkle?" asked Roberta, grabbing the jet-black Diplomatic passport with only two fingers.
"Uh huh," Twilight mumbled, speed-reading the tiny print on the release form. "Socks are required on the bouncy castles or in the ball pit? We didn't bring socks..."
Roberta looked at Flurry, who was staring at her from a few inches away. "How old are you... was your name Flurry?"
"I'm seven!"
"That's a great age, Flurry! Christine is seven today."
"Yah, I know! I haven't never been to a birthday party before!"
"What, never?" asked the human.
Flurry blushed. "Don't tell anypony!"
Flash wore a simple black tunic, instead of armor, but was clearly on-duty, glaring as he committed every face to memory. "Her Highness doesn't have many other foals her age back home."
Roberta looked from the filly to the guard and back. "Highness?"
"Her Imperial Highness," Flash intoned, "Crown Princess Flurry Heart, Heir to the Throne of the Crystal Empire."
"Flaaaaaaaash! Noooooo!" Flurry buried her face under her left wing. "Mommy said!"
Flash rolled his eyes. "She prefers 'Flurry' when the situation is informal."
The human lifted up her phone. "Can I... can I get a selfie with you, Flurry?"
"Yeah!" Flurry flapped up and landed on the teen's head, flared her wings, and made a silly face while the human snapped the selfie.
Twilight wrote her cell phone number on the release paper, signed it, and nosed it back to the human. "Anything else?"
"That's it!" Roberta said, putting her phone back in her pocket, and handing back Twilight's passport. Flurry hopped back down to the countertop. Shed light-pink hair dusted the top of Roberta's head.
Twilight nodded to Sunburst, and ran a single feather up Flash Sentry's spine. Twilight nipped his ear, and Flash blushed. "See you all back at the house. Flurry, I'm sorry I can't stay for the party. Have fun, listen to Sunburst and Flashy. And behave!"
Snap! Twilight disappeared in a purple flash.
"Did... did she just teleport?" asked Roberta.
Sunburst pushed his glasses up his nose. "It saves a lot of money for Ubers or Lyfts."
"I see Christine!" Flurry shouted, excitedly dancy-prancing her hooves on the countertop, and spinning in circles just in front of Roberta. "I wanna go play with my friends! I needa wish her happy birthy-day!"
Snap! Another teleport, and Flurry was fifty feet away, wing-hugging the birthday girl.
"Yeeep!" Roberta squealed, dropping backwards into her chair, surprised by the rush of air and heat on her nose and eyeballs from the close-range spell. More shed hair floated down.
Flash and Sunburst looked at each other. "I don't envy you, my friend," Flash said, and flapped up into the steel rafters to keep an eye on the place.
"Hey! He's not supposed to be up there!" Roberta said.
Sunburst shrugged, and then straightened his cape. "He's got a diplomatic passport, and he's housebroken, so just let him have his way."
"Electrical hazards!" Roberta said.
"Pegasi are electrical hazards."
The bouncy castles were first.
A teenager in a polo shirt and khakis stopped Sunburst and Flurry. "Hey, he needs socks."
An indignant foal flapped up to his eye level and poked his nose with a hoof. "I'm not a 'he,' Imma princess!"
Her horn sparked as Sunburst levitated her back a foot. "Easy, Flurry, he didn't mean it." Sunburst pointed his horn at Christine, the birthday girl, who was wearing a pink paperboard crown. "And let Christine be the princess today, okay?"
Flurry flapped to the ground, looked up at Sunburst, bit her lip, and nodded. "I'm sorry, Sunnyburst. I forgot."
The human smiled. He said, "Ponies like pretending they're princesses, too, huh? Cute."
"She's literally a princess," Sunburst said. "But we're trying to keep that from going to her head."
"Don't embarrass me, Sunburst! I want to fit in!"
"Uh-huh right... Well, does she have socks? She needs socks."
"I really don't think that rule applies to ponies, does it? Human feet, you see, sweat, whereas hooves—"
"Did she trot through the parking lot?"
It cost Sunburst $28 to buy Flurry two pairs of socks at the front counter.
Twenty-three first graders, one of whom was a pony.
Four bouncy edifices: a bouncy slide, a bounce house, and two bouncy castles.
Twenty-nine adults, including two stallions, one of whom perched in the rafters and smirked.
Kidz Bop music blared from tinny speakers and huge fans droned, keeping the bouncies inflated. Sunburst considered casting a sound-dampener dome over his head, but decided the humans might misunderstand.
Christine, the birthday girl, was the first to climb the stairs up the left side of the inflatable slide. Sunburst looked up, and tugged at the collar of his cape with his magic. The orange-and-red inflated monstrosity stood as tall as a small two-story house. Its left side was a narrow stairway with two rope handholds. The top was a flat platform, and most of the structure's width was a wide and steep slide, with inflatable bumpers at the end.
Flurry rubbed her right hip against Sunburst's foreleg, scratching away loose hair as her coat's shedding continued.
Sunburst tapped a hoof and flicked his tail, frowning up at the slide. Flurry weighed half as much as the human children, and wing bones, in particular, were fragile. Cadance had been born a pegasus and raised in a tiny village on the edge of the wilderness, so she appreciated that foals needed to sometimes fall flat on their noses from great height to learn their lessons, but Shining Armor—a protector, right down to his cutie mark—would be cross if anything happened to Flurry...
The room quieted as the conversations tapered off, the adults and children all staring at Christine.
At the peak, Christine walked, arms spread for balance, from the top of the stairs to the slide, plopped down to her bottom, and screamed in joy as she slid down.
And with the birthday girl's first slide, the party was on. The adult conversations came back, even louder.
Flurry cowered against Sunburst's left front leg, rubbing her flank against him to scratch away shedding hair, and he mussed her mane with a hoof. "Go have fun, Flurry."
The filly tippy-hooved to the bottom of the stairs, looking up the thirty-foot climb.
"What?" said a dark-skinned woman with an accent. "Is she going to be okay?"
"She's just nervous," Sunburst said. "She's never seen a bouncy slide before."
"I am Mishry," said the woman, "my son is Thomas, in line behind her."
"Sunburst." He bumped her fist with his hoof.
"She will be fine," Mishry said. "The children give her leeway. Look at them: they are happy to have her, but still unsure how to be friendly. This is a good age."
Flurry was struggling with the inflatable's stairs. Although regular stairs gave her no trouble, the squashiness of the rubber and the slickness of the socks seemed to make her scramble for every step. A pale, black-haired girl walked backwards up the stairs, encouraging Flurry and making come on gestures.
Flurry paused, cocked her head, and frowned.
"Oh sweet Luna," Sunburst gasped. "That's her 'Imma solve a problem' face. What is—"
Flurry jumped three feet straight up, spread her wings, and flapped to the top of the slide.
Sunburst began, "Well, that wasn't too b—"
"Sunnyburst!" echoed a magically amplified voice. "Come help me, I'm scared of heights!"
"You were going to say, 'That wasn't too bad,' weren't you?" asked Mishry.
"How can she be scared of heights?" Sunburst asked. "She has wings."
Flurry gestured hurry up with a hoof. Several children walked around her and slid down the slide. She paced, face pale and tail tucked in terror, backed up against the inflatable's bumper, away from the slope.
Sunburst trotted to the bottom of the bouncy slide's stairs, then looked up at Flash, only about a dozen feet above Flurry, sitting on a rafter and swishing his tail. "Could you do this, Flash?"
Flash rolled his eyes, started to flare his wings, and said, "Yeah, I can—"
"No! Sunburst!" Flurry shouted.
"Your heard the mare," Flash said, and tucked his wings back in.
Sunburst scrambled up the stairs, flopping side to side against the inflated bumpers that served as guardrails. He tried to grab the rope handhold with his teeth, but it tasted like decades of unwashed children's grubby hands. He ended up bunny-hopping one step at a time, and eventually made it to the top of the edifice.
"What taked you so long?" Flurry said, tapping a hoof impatiently.
He spread his hooves and lowered his belly until it almost touched the platform at the top of the slide. Several of the other parents were pointing at him and whispering.
Mishry smiled and gave him a thumbs-up.
Flash, from his perch above them, whispered, "Good luck."
"Slide with me, Sunburst." Flurry looked up at him, her ears tucked. He put a hoof on her withers and felt her trembling.
Paige, Christine's mom, staggered to the top with Christine's two-year-old sister. Paige sat down, extended her legs, put the toddler in the V of her legs, and then used her hands to push herself off. The two slid down and hit the bumper at the end, the toddler giggling happily.
"Can you slide with me, Sunburst? Please? I'm scared."
Sunburst sat down on his haunches, forelegs straight, and Flurry settled in under his chest. He used a hint of levitation to give himself a push, and they started to slide down...
...and down...
...and he felt himself leaning forward, his center of gravity tilting toward Flurry as they built speed, his chest pressing down on her skull and neck, her horn poking the soft spot under his jaw...
She teleported, appearing at a flapping hover ten feet above the bottom of the slide. Her resistance suddenly gone, Sunburst toppled forward, accelerating, flat on his belly, legs and hooves trailing behind him, leading with his horn.
He slammed horn-first into the bumper at the end of the slide, puncturing the thick fabric.
Air hurricaned across his face and up his nose, blowing his glasses off, billowing his cape, and the bouncy slide slowly deflated with a massive pbbbbbbtttttt sound.
"Sunburst!" Flurry scolded. "Why'd you lead with your horn?"
She landed next to him and whispered in his ear, "You're embarrassing me in front of my new friends."
Flurry stood outside the bounce house, head cocked, wings twitching, tail swishing.
(On the other side of the large area, two employees worked to patch the hole in the bouncy slide and get it reinflated.)
"Do you want to go in and bounce with the others, Flurry?" Sunburst asked.
"It's not very bouncy..." mused the filly.
Flash Sentry flared his wings, dropped from the rafters, and touched down next to Sunburst. "She's making the face, Sunburst."
"I'm terrified," Sunburst said, and pushed his glasses up his nose.
"What face?" asked a man. "I'm Bill."
"Flash."
"I'm Sunburst. Her 'Thinking hard' face. Look at her."
"Are you her dad?" asked Bill.
"No, I'm the Imperial Crystaller."
"Huh?"
"Well, there's no direct translation," Sunburst said.
"I thought Ponish was English?" Bill asked.
"They are, but we never had words for 'jumbo jet' or 'nuclear first strike.'"
"Sure there's a translation," Flash interrupted. "Royal babysitter."
"I'm a valued member of the Imperial Court! I'm not the babysitter!"
Flash sneered. "Then why are you babysitting?"
"I AM NOT A BABY IMMA FIRST GRADER!"
Flash Sentry grinned. "There is a direct human word for what you do, Sunburst."
"It's not bouncy enough," Flurry mused, frowning at the castle filled with kids.
With a facehoof, Sunburst growled, "Flash, so help me Celestia..."
Flash flew forty feet up to the steel bracings in the ceiling and shouted down, "The human word for your job is 'manny.'"
"It's not bouncy enough!" Flurry declared, pulled her head back, and charged her horn.
Sunburst flashed a shield spell at her.
The tiny alicorn's spell evaporated Sunburt's, knocked him backwards, left his mane smoking, and then her spell struck the bounce house filled with first graders.
The castle bounced,
and bounced,
and broke free of its moorings and bounced against the steel rafters. There were shouts of children, the scream of a pegasus, and feathers drifted down from the ceiling.
Sunburst, flat on his belly, zapped Flurry's spell away.
The bounce house crashed back down, ten feet left of where it had started.
"Awwww, it was just getting good!" Flurry whined.
Flash Sentry sat in a chair in the party room, and spread his left wing over a picnic-style table. Several icepacks covered his wing.
"Your turn, Flash," said Sunburst.
"What?"
"Laser tag. That's a combat game, and you're the military officer. I'll sit with the moms and dads and snack on the veggie plates."
Sunburst thought, I'll eat some of that fresh pineapple while Flurry won't see to gripe at me.
Flash nodded at his damaged wing. "I'm hors de combat, because you couldn't block a grade schooler's spell. You play laser tag."
"Horse de combat. It's a dark an enclosed arena, and you're the guard."
Flurry looked up, lips trembling, ears wilting, eyes watering. "Don't neither of you want to play with me?"
"If you make me play laser tag," Flash said, "I'll tell Twilight you need personal tutoring on shield spells again."
Sunburst took a step back and his horn sparked. "You wouldn't! The last time, she—"
"I would," Flash said. "I most certainly would."
"So who's a gonna play laser tag with me?"
Sunburst looked at Flurry. "Looks like I will, sweetie."
"Yaaay!" she squealed, all four hooves pumping as she danced in place.
Sunburst was barely big enough to fit a child-size laser tag vest over top of his cloak, if he cinched all of its straps tight. He left his rifle holstered.
Getting a human-tyle laser tag vest onto a filly was not easy, and Flurry and Sunburst ended up sitting out the first ten-minute game while they, along with a human employee, struggled with tightening the velcro straps and the plastic snaps.
With the vest around her barrel and the attached gun gripped in her levitation—and quite a few paper towels from the bathroom stuffed into the vest to bulk out her tiny chest and make it fit—they were ready for the second round of laser tag.
The filly's shed hair floated around Sunburst and he breathed in a whiff.
"Aahhh... ahhhh..."
"Bless you!" Flurry said. "That's what humans say when you sneeze."
At bless you, Sunburst's building sneeze froze somewhere inside his sinuses and he whimpered, rubbing his face and trying to clear her hair from deep inside his nose.
"The vest holds my wings in," Flurry complained. "I dunna like it."
"Flying would be cheating, anyway, Flurry," Sunburst said.
"Oh. Okay!"
The teenage referee stared at the glowing aura of levitation holding Flurry's rifle while giving the rules and safety briefing.
The thumping bass of "Danger Zone" shook the laser tag arena, hurting Sunburst's ears, and artificial fog swirled as the doors slid open and the twenty-two children, one foal, and about a dozen adults (including a stallion) headed into the blacklight- and strobe-lit battle arena.
Sunburt's throat went dry and he levitated his glasses into a pocket, rather than risk losing them.
Flurry levitated the gun to her eye level and looked down its sights, grinning. "This is gonna be sooooo much fun..."
Sunburst said, "It's dark, and crowded, and we don't know the layout of this labyrinth, so no—"
"One! Two! One two three FIGHT!" announced a computerized voice.
And before the word FIGHT had finished echoing, Flurry teleported away from Sunburst.
"—so no teleporting," Sunburst finished into the thin air, as three human children tagged him with their lasers.
Sunburst heard the echoing snaps of teleports, laser fire, and children yelling and laughing. He trotted around the dark area as industrial techno pounded at his ears.
Flurry teleported back, landing on Sunburst's withers, and shot three other partygoers—two kids, one parent—before Sunburst could reach up and grab her in his levitation.
"Teleporting is cheating!" he said.
"Aw but I missed the first game and my wings is covered."
"Wings are cheating, too."
"But I—"
A little blond boy poked his head and rifle around a corner and tagged Sunburst and Flurry with two precise shots.
Flurry levitated her gun, sighted down the barrel, and squeezed the trigger—
"Hey! My gun is broke!"
"Nuh-uh," said the boy, "when you get tagged your gun doesn't work for fifteen seconds."
"Oh," Flurry said, and blasted him with her horn.
"All right," Sunburst said, levitating his pocket watch away. "That's five minutes, Flurry. Tell me what you learned?"
The filly, sitting in a corner for her timeout and still wearing her laser tag vest, turned sulkily around. "Humans are fragile?"
"Yes. And?"
"My laser is more powerful than the ones in the game."
"Yes. And?"
"Is he okay? I wanna go say I'm sorry."
"Go ahead."
Flurry trotted across the party room to the boy, who sat next to Flash. Flash still held icepacks to his wing, and the boy held one to his chest.
"I'm sorry," Flurry said, her eyes huge and wet.
The boy looked at his mom.
The mom nodded.
"S'okay," said the boy.
"I'm Flurry."
"I'm Caleb."
Flurry hopped up to her back legs and hugged him around the chest with her forelegs, her chin on his shoulder.
The boy's mom snapped a quick shot with her phone. "FaceBook that," she muttered. "Equestrian Royalty!"
"Christine's party! Last round of laser tag in five minutes!" yelled one of the teenage employees. "Everybody up!'
Flurry hopped down from the hug and muttered, "Everycreature up... Sunburst, can I teleport?"
"It's less than twenty steps."
"Thanks!" Snap-pop! and she was in the laser tag staging area.
"None of that in the game arena," Sunburst said once he caught up to her. "And no horn lasers."
Flurry looked up at him at smirked.
And, fifteen minutes later, laser tag vest removed, Flurry was back in timeout.
"But Sunburst!" she wailed at the wall. "You didn't say 'no shield spells!'"
"You knocked down a wall."
"I didn't know that human walls ain't made of crystal!"
"Don't say 'ain't.' You knocked down a wall into another arena."
She sniffed, and wiped an eye with a wingtip. "They was playing laser tag, too."
Flash walked up, still holding his injured wing gently.
Sunburst took a deep breath. "That was a corporate team building game. You led the birthday party into a skirmish line against a bunch of fat bankers and stockbrokers."
"But it's human tradition!" Flurry whined.
"What?" said Flash.
"The books Aunt Twilight had me read!"
"What." said Sunburst.
Flurry said,
"Half a league, half a league,
Half a league onward,
All in the arena of Bankers
Rode the first grade.
'Forward, the First Grade!
Charge for the guns!' She said.
Into the arena of Bankers
Rode the first grade."
Flurry smiled up at Flash and Sunburst.
Caleb, the blond boy, walked up. "That was awesome. We kicked those grownup's butts."
He held up a hand for high-five, and flurry grinned and tapped the flat of her hoof to his hand. "Did you smell it?" Flurry asked. "That one banker peed his pants."
Christine ran up and hugged Flurry. "Best birthday laser tag ever! Those grownups were crying."
Flash whispered to Sunburst, "Don't tell Cadance, but she takes after Captain Armor. I would follow her into battle."
"Ball pit!" called Christine's mom.
It wasn't just a ball pit.
There was a ball pit, yes, inset into the floor. And a second pit of soft foam blocks, eight inch cubes, at the end of a running track and springboard.
Around the area were trampolines—set into the floor with padded landing areas around—but they were still Celestia-benighted trampolines.
Creatures with wings and trampolines were a terrible combination.
Creatures with levitation and trampolines were a worse combination.
Flurry flapped up to about thirty feet high and clamped her wings to her sides and tucked into a cannonball. She hit a trampoline and bounced to the gasps of the children and adults.
Flaring her wings, she did a loop-the-loop and flapped into a hover about eight feet above the trampoline, and waved her forelegs at the other kids. "Hey! Hey!"
The crowd quieted. "I'm very sorry about cheating and teleporting during the laser tag. I wanna apologize. Anypony want to get levitated up and dropped on the trampoline?"
"No no no no Flurry no—" Sunburst said.
All the kids raised their hands and shouted "Yes!"
Flurry grabbed birthday girl Christine in her levitation, lifted her up about five feet...
...and dropped her onto the middle of the trampoline. Christine giggled, jumped twice, and then scrambled off the trampoline to make room for the next kid.
Much to Sunburt's surprise, it all went rather well. Flurry dropped them from only modest heights, and the kids love it.
And then, the ball pit.
The Luna-cursed ball pit.
Flurry plowed into the ball pit like a meteor hitting the ocean, balls flying everywhere. Children covered their faces with their hands, then chanted, "Again! Again!"
She hopped back onto the deck around the ball pit, and took another running start.
After about ten minutes, Sunburst—standing with the other adults—called Flurry out of the ballpit.
"What's up, Sunburst?"
"You're all sweaty. Look at you. Drink something."
A thin froth covered her withers and neck, and she flared her wings to help cool her flanks.
Sunburst levitated her Princess Leia water bottled to her, and the filly guzzled it.
"It's hot in here," Sunburst said. "Don't make yourself sick."
After drinking, the filly's socked hooves began pistoning up and down, out of time with each other, and she squinted her left eye.
"Flurry," Sunburst asked, "do you need to potty?"
"No, Sunburst."
"You're doing your potty dance."
She spun around in a circle, tail tucked, and hooves dancing out of time.
"No, I'm not."
The human parents chuckled, a few shaking their heads.
"Flurry. You're dancing. You haven't gone potty since we left the house. Take two minutes, I'll walk you to the mare's room—"
"I'm not gotta potty!" She teleported out.
Bill said, "I'm glad mine can't teleport."
"You've no idea the trouble Flurry got into as a toddler. She did ten thousand bits of damage to a hospital."
"What's that translate to in dollars?"
"A lot." Sunburst looked around the massive venue, ears cocked for the sounds of the landing teleport, or human screams.
After about forty seconds, Flurry burst up from the depths of the ball pit, surprising two kids, who squealed and threw balls at her.
Flurry squealed back, and levitated half a dozen balls at each of them.
"She likes the ball pit," observed Mishry. "The other children go from trampoline to ball pit and back, but she stays in it."
"Maybe I need to introduce ball pits to Equestria," Sunburst mused.
Things stayed calm and disaster free, as far as Sunburst could tell.
Sunburst's stomach roiled and his tail swished as he waited for the next disaster.
About fifteen minutes later, Christine's mother called, "¡Piñata!"
Flurry doggie-paddled to the edge of the ball pit and climbed up onto the deck, and levitated off her socks, one at a time.
She trotted to Sunburst's side. "Piñata? Fun!"
"I want you to go potty right now, please."
Flurry bit her lip, glanced at the ball pit, and then trotted off, following the human children. "I don't needta potty no more."
"Let's give the humans a shot at the piñata first, Flurry," Sunburst said.
The filly laughed. "Yeah! Remember what happened at the last Crystal Faire when I got my turn?"
Sunburst nodded his head.
"What did happen?" asked Mishry.
"It– well–" Sunburst said.
Flurry blushed and covered her face with her wings. "Stupid noodles."
"It's a classified government secret," Flash called down from the rafters. "We don't talk about it."
Christine got first whack at the piñata—"Buddy," an orange tyrannosaur hatchling from a TV cartoon Flurry liked—but she barely nudged it with the stick. She pulled off the blindfold and grumped, then gave the blindfold and stick to Mishry's son, Thomas. Thomas and the next several children did no better than Cristine.
On Caleb's turn, Paige spun him around five times and pointed him at the piñata. Caleb dizzily cocked back the stick...
Turned half a turn right...
And whacked Sunburst right on the horn.
Sunburst staggered down to his knees. Flash snorted from his perch and Flurry flopped onto her back, laughing madly, kicking her legs.
As he uncrossed his eyes, Sunburst saw Caleb pulling the blindfold off with a smirk.
By the time all of the kids had their turns, the piñata swung defiantly, the tyrannosaur's goofy cartoon grin intact, dented but unbroken.
Paige, Christine's mom, whispered something to the birthday girl, who replied, "No! That's cheating! I already had a turn."
Paige walked up to Flurry. "Would you like to give it a try?"
Flurry tilted her head. "If I take a turn, it'll be open. No more turns after me."
Paige held up the blindfold.
"Bad idea," Sunburst said, pointing his horn at the blindfold. "Flurry? Gently. And no noodles." Sunburst whispered to her: "Watch for pineapple candy. You know how you get."
The filly trotted up toward the piñata, until she was a few feet away from it, frowning upward at a forty-five degree angle.
With a quick flash of yellow from her horn, the piñata burst, and candy flew twenty feet in every direction.
Flurry's levitation snatched the first candy out of the air, unwrapped it, and popped it into her mouth.
She spit it out. "Yech! Bland."
Children—and quite a few adults—scrambled on their hands and knees for the candy.
A yellow flash emanated from Flurry's horn, filled the party room, and gently suffused all the scattered candies, just as the children began to unwrap them.
Flurry and Sunburst popped candies into their mouths simultaneously.
Flurry smiled up at Sunburst, just as Sunburst's sinuses detonated.
"Yum!" Flurry said. "Much better. Ghastly gorge ghost pepper."
Thanks to Flurry, they were getting ice cream before the pizza, to get the spicy taste out of their mouths, so the kids weren't terribly upset.
American ice cream disagreed with both Flash and Sunburst—some artificial ingredient or another, they weren't sure what—so both of them adjourned to the men's room and stuck their faces under faucets of cold water.
"Shouldn't you be guarding Her Highness?" Sunburst asked between gulps of water. "After all, you're the guard."
Flash pulled his muzzle out from under the faucet. "Woe and lamentations to the human who tries to kidnap her. Ghost pepper in the shorts would be the best they could hope for."
When they returned to the party room, the kids—including Flurry—were laughing and talking as they sat at long tables. Flurry sat between Caleb and Thomas, and was using her levitation on two plastic forks and two knives to cut up their pizza slices for them, the boys' eyes wide and jaws slack, watching the magical dexterity.
Paige sidled up to Sunburst, and patted him on the head, just behind the horn. "She's really settling in with them now. Having a great time."
Sunburst flicked his ears, and Paige removed her hand. "I'm glad," he said. "She really doesn't have friends her own age. That's the problem with being the Empress's and Prince Consort's daughter..."
The kids all wore superhero party hats. Christine's hat was Wonder Woman, Caleb's was Batman, Thomas's The Hulk, and the little alicorn wore a red-and-black Deadpool hat.
Mishry walked up on Sunburst's other side, sipping a can of Diet Coke. "I have never seen an adult eat nine pieces of pizza in one sitting. Where does Flurry put it?"
Sunburst looked at the tiny princess. She was large for a seven-year-old pony, but significantly smaller than an average seven-year-old American. "So," Sunburst said. "What do you know about the different types of ponies?"
"Only what was in Newsweek after the portals opened," Mishry said. "Earth, unicorn, pegasus, hybrid. Then other sapients, like hippogriffs and griffons. I saw on the news that a minotaur has been signed by the Miami Dolphins. Not that it will help with their record..."
"Let's stick to ponies for now. 'Alicorn' is the word for the hybrids. Well, that's our little Flurry, and her metabolism runs hot. She eats twice as much as I do. It's because her body has to fuel three kinds of magic, and she has strong magic, at that."
Flash, standing next to them, said, "You should see Twilight eat. The Indian restaurant near the university, the one with the vegetarian buffet, changed 'all you can eat' to 'four plates.' Twilight ends up buying three orders, and she considers it a good deal." Flash grinned a little. "Such a princess..."
"The princess is a vegetarian?" Mishry said, "but not the little one?"
"What?" said Flash.
"What?" said Sunburst, a split-second later. "I mean, we can eat meat, biologically, but it's a very strong cultural taboo, if that makes sense."
"I am a religious vegetarian," Mishry said. "I think I understand. But—"
"There are a few pony island communities that depend on fish and shellfish," Sunburst lectured, "but that's unusual."
Truman—Christine's dad, Paige's husband—carried another box of pizza around.
"Another slice, Flurry?" he asked.
"Yes, please! What kind is it?"
"Let's see..." he looked at the box lid, which had magic marker writing on it. "Barbecue chicken."
Flurry's levitation spluttered out, dropping the plastic knives and forks into the boys' laps. "Chicken? Like... like, the animal?"
"Well, yeah," Truman replied.
"Oh... oh yuck!"
"But... what do you think you've been eating?"
"What?" Flurry squeaked, her ears wilting and mane losing its puff. She shed a huge puff of winter coat onto the floor.
"The other pizza you've been eating. What did you think it was?"
"Pepperoni! And Beef!"
"What do you think those are?" asked Truman.
"Earth vegetables!" Flurry yelled, her wings flaring vertically. Her horn sparked and the Deadpool hat burned to ash, dirtying her mane.
"What are they, then?" Flurry asked, her face paling from its usual creamy light pink to a cadaverous gray.
"Beef is, ya know, beef."
"I don't know!"
"Cow."
Flurry's wings fell to her flanks and trembled. "Pepperoni?"
"Pig."
Sunburst rubbed his face with a hoof. "You know what else is impressive about alicorns? Besides their appetite?"
Paige shook her head.
Sunburst said, "Their muscles. Even little Flurry there. She can lift me. And when she vomits—it's epic. Stomach muscles."
Flurry's face went paler, and her wings drooped. She put her forehooves on the table, and began swallowing, her jaw clenching and unclenching. Her ears stiffened, pointing forward.
"Truman!" shouted Paige. "Get her a juice!"
Truman grabbed an envelope of Capri-Sun, stabbed the straw into it, and put it in front of Flurry.
The filly clamped her lips around the straw and sucked down the entire envelope of juice in a matter of seconds.
Sunburst squinted and said, "Pineapple Apple Orange? Oh no."
"Pineapple?" Flash groaned.
"Is she allergic?" Paige asked, her face going pale.
"Not allergic, but very intolerant."
"Will she vomit?" asked Mishry.
"The question," said Sunburst, "is if her vomit will set off the smoke detectors and sprinklers. Go ahead and get the other kids moving to the door."
"We haven't had cake yet!" Paige objected.
Sunburst levitated off his cloak and covered the rolling bin of presents. "My cloak is waterproof. I'll carry the cake. Flurry! Up on my withers, quick!"
They stood outside the Lazer Birthday Quest and Games Party Pizzeria, in the parking lot under the blazing summer sun, and the children (including Flurry) covered their ears as a fifth firetruck rolled up, sirens blasting.
Sunburst poured another gallon of water over his withers, and he felt the blisters rising.
"That doesn't look good," Flash said. "Second degree burns at least."
Flurry bit her lip and tears rolled down her face. "I'm sorry!"
Christine kneeled down and hugged her. "It's not your fault. We didn't know you didn't know what 'beef' and 'pepperoni' meant."
"I ruined your birthday," Flurry said. "I haven't never been to a birthday party before and I ruined my first one. I... I don't fit in at home cuz Imma princess and I don't fit in here cuz I'm a pony and I... I... I..."
She trailed off into wordless blubbering.
Christine and Paige sat down on either side of Flurry and hugged her. Flurry wrapped one wing around each human.
"It's okay," Paige said. "We've got some stories we'll be able to tell for years."
"And Mr. Sunburst saved the presents," Christine said. "And you're my friend. That means you fit in at my party."
Truman, Chrintine's dad, carried up three paper plates of cake and three plastic forks, and gave them to Paige, Christine, and Flurry. "Sunburst saved the cake, too," Truman said.
Flurry wiped her nose, smiled, and levitated a bite of cake to her mouth.
Sunburst sat down on a grass strip between two lines of cars and levitated out his cell phone, then snapped a selfie of his withers. Looking at the picture, he said to Flash, "Can you get Flurry back to the house? I need to go to a doctor."
Flash was singed and smelled like smoke, but didn't have any obvious burns. He bumped hooves with Sunburst. "Can do. Take care of yourself, buddy."
"Get her into the shade before she overheats, as soon as she finishes the cake. She's getting frothy. See if Truman will crank the air conditioning in his SUV. I'm calling myself a Lyft."
It was the same Lyft driver who had dropped them off at the party venue.
"Señor Sunburst, you're not the only pony I drive. The hospital will not take you. I know a good doctor, though. Levitate me your phone."
Sunburst passed it over, and the driver modified the destination.
At the veterinarian's office, the Lyft driver, Luís, came in with Sunburst and helped with the paperwork. "I was born on a ranch," Luís explained, "in Texas. I have always loved horses. I moved here to the city because my daughter attends the university, and it is cheaper if we live in the city and share a house."
"I'm not strictly a horse."
The vet tech called them back to triage. She looked at Luís and said, "Have him step on the scale, please."
Sunburst rolled his eyes and whickered, and stepped on the scale.
The vet tech frowned at the scale and she said, "He needs to be on a diet."
Luís just nodded.
The tech looked at the blistered burns on Sunburst's back. "Oof. That looks bad. Does he want a sugarcube while I take his temperature?" She held up a large probe.
"Yes, I want a sugarcube. And you aren't taking my temperature with that."
At home that night, Flurry curled up in a recliner and watched Dinosaur Train on PBS. She chuckled, remembering what she had done to the piñata.
Twilight fussed over Flash's minor singe marks, the two cuddled up next to each other on the couch, Twi's head resting on Flash's shoulder. Twilight nibbled his ear.
Sunburst sprawled flat on his belly on the rug, an icepack under his bottom, and his withers smeared with burn salve and wrapped in gauze.
Sunburst tried to reach up a hoof and scratch his ear, but the Cone of Shame around his neck prevented him. He levitated a pencil and scratched his itch with it.
"Hey, Auntie Twilight?" Flurry said.
"Yes, honey?"
"Can I do my next birthday party at the laser tag place? It should be dried out by then."
