Twilight,
First of all, I’m so sorry. I know how this is going to hurt you and the others. I know how you’re going to worry and fear for me. I’m sorry I have to put you through that.
Don’t be worried. Don’t be scared. I promise, everything will be okay.
This is what’s best for me. All these years and years of being invisible… and not being good enough, have… finally caught up with me I guess. It’s time you – and Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Applejack, even Rarity – see me. It’s time you understand the hurt, and pain, and anger I held within me for way too long.
I’m not going to blame you – for any of this. You’re a princess, a ruler; of course you have responsibilities you have to tend to. Responsibilities that will come in the way of time with an old friend. I get it – Equestria is counting on you. That’s just how it is, and I understood that the entire time.
I just would have appreciated an effort.
I’m not going to hold a grudge against you. As I said, I really do understand the responsibilities and duty of being a princess. I was, after all, right there beside you, the entire time. Even if you didn’t realize it.
I’ve forgiven you. For shutting me out, for never listening, for not at all caring. I’ve forgiven it all. You’re always going to hold a special place in my heart, regardless of anything you did or failed to do.
I hope you can find it in you to forgive me, as well. For what I’m about to do, for the pain you might feel, for the things that are going to change, because of this.
I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking this was a snap decision, like the burst of annoyance after you forbid me to have the last gem.
It’s not like that.
I’ve been thinking about this for a long, long while, Twilight. Months, actually. Even on good days, the idea was always there, lingering in the back of my mind. Always steady, like you never were.
I think I like this idea. The idea that after I jump, I’ll be falling. Falling to freedom and peace with nothing there to steal it from me.
Perhaps when I hit the ground, I will burn a bit. Nice, burning pain to keep me grounded and alive one last moment. The pain will last a bit, I’m sure, and I’ll probably be thinking a lot during the time. I don’t know of what; I’m guessing probably of you. But after that, the pain will blur away, and the world will become as soft as it never was. And I’ll find peace. I’ll finally be okay again. Everything will finally be okay again.
The heartache, from the mutters of fake understanding, when you didn’t even bother to look me in the eye.
The bitterness, from always turning away with stones grinding through my heart, slowly crushing it to shattered pieces.
The sadness, from realization that, no matter how much I want you to, you’d never listen. You’d never see me like I needed you to.
The fear, of not being good enough for life, for you, anymore.
The tears, from being turned down and away, time, and time, and time again.
Everything will have eased to nothing. All that will remain is happiness. Happiness that I’m finally free. I’ll finally be able to soar. Nothing, nopony, will ever be able to hurt me again.
Yes, Twilight. That’s right. You hurt me. So, so much.
I know you didn’t mean to. And perhaps I should have tried harder to tell you what I felt like. But I still don’t think you would have listened – and don’t deny it, because you know it just as well as I do.
Please don’t come and try to stop me. There’s nothing you can say; nothing you can do, at this point. Just leave me to get my peace and freedom at last.
I’m looking forward to that peace. I’m looking forward to feeling the edges of hurt dull. Feeling the walls of protection come crashing down, and still know that I’ll be safe for eternity. Feeling the ice of your words – or lack of – melt away and disappear.
Please don’t be scared. Don’t be sad. I’m going where I want to be. I’m going where I belong. I’m doing what’s best for me.
I need you to try and understand that. I need you to take just a small break from your studies, read this, and think. Understand the hurt, and pain, and anger. Or at least try.
Please don’t break down. Don’t lash out at everypony who wants to help you. Don’t let Equestria down, just because of words never said or things never done.
Let others help you. Talk to Equestria, and from now on, listen. Listen to anypony who needs you to. If there’s anything I want you to get away from my death, it’s that.
Learn to listen. I know it’s going to be hard, at times. To listen to things that might seem minor or unimportant to you. Push past that, and provide support, or comfort, or anything that pony – or dragon – might need right then.
That’s all I wanted to say, I guess.
I’ll always love you. You will be forever in my heart, and I’ll look back to you with a smile. I’ll look down, watching you, keeping you as safe as I can. I’ll be here. You can always talk to me… and I’ll listen. I’m going to wait for you. One day, your time will come too.
And then we can talk.
I’m sorry, for all this. I don’t want to cause trouble. I just want to feel better. You have to understand; I need to feel better.
Everything that’s broken has to be fixed someday. For me, that day is today.
It’s finally time for my heart to heal.
So.
Goodbye, Twilight.
~Spike
Author's Note
Well... here ya go, I guess.
I haven't been feeling too good, lately, and felt like writing a few sad stories.
Sadly, it means killing a bunch of innocent creatures.
I'm very sorry.
