Fallout Equestria: Wandering Woes

Chapter 4: Fantastically Fictional Fun
(Tolson)

I sigh as the group starts walking down the Big Guy’s shortcut, listening to him talk about something called a Hellhound and his ability to tame one can only interest a pony for so long. On the plus side, it’s better than Ol’ White monologuing about his crappy life for the 20th time today. On the other hoof, Soldier Boy and Cyclops are doing their best to keep quiet and move on; if I didn’t dislike this group so much, I would like it.

We finally reach the end of the tunnel after a few long, grueling hours of feeling like these two are stabbing me violently with Cyclops’ horn. Once we reach the exit of the Tunnel of Hell, Big Guy pushes a large rock out of the way and we finally see the town of Hope.

I watch as Ol’ White stretches out his wings, each feather seeming to pop away from the other; some of them look cut, some look like there are patches missing, and other spots are just scar tissue. After a few moments, he takes to the skies once more looking over the town. “Hey, guys, I think I see a few camps set up in there. Around the center of town, there are quite a few ponies, and also some cages.”

I look up at Ol’ White ‘n Ugly as I pull out my saddlebags. “How many future corpses are out there?” I yell up as I count my shells. Only 12? Dang, I should have bought more when I was in town; oh well, Airsupport shall do what she can.

Ol’ White looked down at me with a grin, “There are 24 that I can count at the moment; however, there are likely more in that broken down building in the middle of town. Why? You going to try to kill more than me?”

I look up at him with a slanted grin, “I need to try? I don’t have to over compensate, that’s your job.”

Big Guy leans forwards over my shoulder, practically his entire upper body towering over me.“I only see two guys right now, they seem to be guarding that big door over there!”

I lean forwards and squint my eyes, “Where? All I see are two fuzzy things.”

As I say that, the Big Guy gives off a laugh, starts walking forwards and raises his hoof upwards as he starts to get more and more blurry. After a certain point, there’s not a lot I can see of him… although, I do hear the telltale sound of his hoof meeting his face with a loud thunk as he groans out “Oh right, hooves...”

I give off a sigh before grabbing my saddlebags and Airsupport, “Ah, what a great day to die... probably.” I start clicking my tongue as I walk forwards. The rest of the group mostly looks confused at the situation as the Big Guy gets hit with the butt of the left one’s shotgun. The cracking of bones could be heard even at this distance, and the shotgun sounded like it had a wooden stock; good, means it’s easy to break. The one on the right starts to yell that they are gonna eat good tonight for bringing in the dumb giant.

As I keep walking forwards, I hear the distinct sound of a laser rifle go off behind me. I turn around and strain my eyes to see what it was, as I doubt these idjits are capable of not shooting me in the back. Because of this, the burning sensation I get every time I focus my eyes starts to flare up once more, and I see Cyclops fire his gun into the air for no apparent reason; I’m not entirely sure where the blast was aiming either.

“Why!? There was no point in doing that, you just wasted your charge, you one eyed freak!” As I say that, I hear the guy to the right of Big Guy screaming as he falls to the ground and starts to disintegrate. Huh, I could have sworn that the laser shot penetrated his skull and hit his brain first; how did he get that scream off?

Another loud crack is heard as the guy on the left hits Big Guy again, this time a lot more angry at the loss of his friend. “Damnit! Willhelm, my gay lover! Why did you have to die?! I, Big Johnson, will avenge you!!!”

I pause for a second, looking at this scene as I click again. I don’t really understand what they are saying. As I look back, the rest of the group reached me now., they all look confused, or concerned in Rogue’s case. Oh good, I'm not the only one... oh wait, I'm not the only one. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Eh, I’ll ask Ma later what that is.

With another crack from the barrel of... Johnson’s, shotgun, I decided I might as well help Big Guy and I begin to repeat to myself, “Ignore the blood. Focus on the friendly face. Mercy before murder, mercy before murder” and before I knew it, I was covered in the blood of Big Johnson. “Well… crap,” I mutter as I sit down next to Big Guy. I sigh as I grab Airsupport looking at the corpse of Big Johnson. Now I’m down 2 shells..

“Where did Big Johnson go? He seemed nice…” Big Guy looks at me with a slightly confused face as Ol’ White n Ugly pipes up from behind me, “Damn, two down and I haven’t even gotten off a single shot yet.”

Soldier Boy gives off a sigh as he approaches the entrance to the camp, “If we are going to save your friends, we better move quickly. Considering how loud your gun is, I’m sure we’ll have plenty of company for you two to measure your dicks with.”

I look up at Soldier Boy as I’m eating my pancakes and looting the bodies, I managed to find 6 shells on them. “ Really? That’s it? Darn cheapskates.” I muttered under my breath as I noticed everyone looking at me. “What?”

Big Guy stares at me and starts drooling on the ground. “PwaanCakes!!!!”

I look concerned as I wrap my hooves around my meal. “No. Mine.” The rest of them were looking at us, dumbfounded at our conversation, I think they saw two sea eagles; at least, I think that’s what Miss Ditzy called them. Shrugging to myself, I stand up and shove the rest of my food into my bag as we began to enter the encampment.

The smells in the area are heavy of blood, excrement, and desperation; it reminds me of home. As we pass the gates and move around the side of a building, we see across us, are two more buildings; one covered in blood and guts, with several skulls and other body parts lining the walls. The other building has a large, neon flashing sign labeled “Gay Lovers Club” and occasionally it would spark at random moments. Around us, we see several dozen ponies all armed to the teeth and on high alert.

Soldier Boy stops us with a hoof raised and speaks as Ol’ White drops to the ground. “Alright guys, there are a lot more ponies then we are likely going to be able to take out easily. Vision, you should get to the top of the building and start to give us cover, I’ll provide flanking, Roasted can provide healing and general support. Junker, we can use you as a decoy. And Tolson... try to be stealthy, if you can. I imagine you have the most skills in terms of quick kills..”

I look at Soldier Boy and cock my head to the side. “...Try to be what now?”

He gives me an odd look for a second as Big Guy next to me starts to practically vibrate “Have you… never done stealth before? Ever?”

I sigh and look at him “I’m a guard, not a backstabbing lowlife information-gathering pig,” I pull Airsupport off my back once more, “How about we walk in, start shooting, and once we run out of bullets, we’ll use Big Guy’s skull; should be dense enough.”

As I step forwards, I hear Big Guy behind me start to punch the ground as he starts to say, “Guys, I can be stealthy! I dig real good!” True to his word, he digs real good, and makes a tunnel downwards. I’m not entirely sure how he does so with his hooves; on the other hoof, he doesn’t seem to have everything there in the first place so this isn’t too odd. I look at the rest of the group, none of which seem content to dive down the hole as well, so I shrug and jump down.

It’s....dark. Not that it matters anyway, I can hear that Big Guy is just up ahead and I’d rather not see his defined rumpus.

So there I was, following an oversized carebear in a hole underneath a bunch of ponies, whose medical disadvantages they would have after their timely demise I should’ve been learning about. Instead, I was listening to… whatever Big Guy was doing to the earth. He shouts slightly as he thumps against something. From the sounds of it, he hit the base of a building,

Ah, smart plan; go down under the earth and pop up in the middle of that building we saw earlier with the body parts. Shockingly, Big Guy decided to actually have a good plan; clearly, that is their base of operations, and the best place to strike. Color me impressed... until I wasn’t. We popped up in the middle of what he called, a gay circle, I think; they were crying and hugging each other. I was confused to say the least when we got out of the circle and the first thing that escaped my mouth was; well I’m not proud of what I said... I could have done better. “Well, look at this ogle of queers!”

Big Guy looks at me and puts his hoof on my shoulder. “This, my bruda, is not...whatever that word you just said was. This... is gay.” I saw him wave his other hoof in the air like something was there or he just didn’t care.

Needless to say, I am even more confused than I was before. “What does that even mean? Clearly this is queer; look at that guy over there!” I point to two ponies in chairs, curled up against each other, like they were going 2 feet deep and 5 feet down.

“They are clearly just REALLY good friends that are helping themselves feel better about this horrible life.” One of the ponies in the circle pipes up at this, “Uh, actually, we’re uh... The Gay Lovers club.” As soon as this poor defenseless fool stopped talking, I just looked at Big Guy and took a breath, realizing I hadn't been breathing this entire time. As I smelled more blood and semen, I realized why. I then shook my head for a moment, stopped joking around for a second, and took a closer look around us.

The reality of everything comes to the forefront. This was not a ‘happy’ place. Around us was trails of blood, bodies hung around the room, and a massive trail of blood leading into a room with a closed door. In one corner, I could see a poor mare being beaten as she was hung upside down, and a poor mare in the back who was nothing but holes and… Well, you get the picture; poor thing was still alive, too.

After a few moments, Big Guy soon seemed to realize that we weren't in a moment where we needed to be joking anymore; we begin to do the world a favor and kill these sick freaks. However, just as I pulled out a molotov and was about to throw it, I paused and walked over to the hanging mare. The rest of the ponies surrounding us started scrambling around, trying to grab their weapons as the Big Guy started beating the weapons away from the raiders. I put the molotov down next to her and looked at her; I could see the broken soul in her eyes, and gently put my hoof on her head before turning around and grabbing the flaming bottle. I saw no tears as I stood back up; she seemed oddly ok with this end.

“Mercy before mur… isn’t it time for you to go home, my dear child?” I hear the words ring in my head before I start to click rapidly; almost like an engine beginning to start. The front door swings open as Soldier Boy and Cyclops walk in; they look fairly okay, no major wounds on them, but their guns smoking and their coats are covered in blood. From the outside, I can hear Ol’ White providing cover, but the heavy sounds and smells of those dropping like flies outside make me realize I got some catching up to do to Ol’ White for his murder game.

No... This is no game; this is life.