Fallout Equestria: Wandering Woes

Chapter 7: Long Time Coming
(Roasted)

Sighing softly, I look over the surrounding area with my one good eye; it was a small town, maybe three square miles in total. In the near distance, there was a factory that sits just outside of town. In the further distance, there is a sort of solar array, I haven’t been out here too often in the past few years, so I’m not too sure what creatures inhabit the two areas, and I would rather not find out.

The town itself is a nice one, kinda homey I would say. Well, it would be if not for the rather significant quantity of dead bodies lining the roads which were bathed in blood, alongside the main road into town there were several small houses on the left and the right.

For the better part of the last hour, the rest of my merry band of travelers have been murdering those around us, waiting for Tolson to get back on his feet as he went into what appeared to be a butcher’s shop and got himself knocked out. The idiot should know when someone is behind him; thankfully, the medical pony in there decided to help out even though Tolson tried to kill her. She’s a sweet girl, but just a tad stupid.

During this last hour or so, she has been shouting inside the building about how many wounds Tolson had; I don’t know exactly why she cares, considering he tried to kill her, but oh well. I’ve spent my time fighting off a lot of ponies that the others in the group had missed, namely those fleeing. Every single one has committed unspeakable actions and therefore must be put down like the rodents they are; I would be lying if I said it wasn’t a bit fun to light them on fire and watch them slam into the others. Their screams did get rather irritating, however.

Cleansing these ponies from Equestria can get boring after a time, so I went to check up on the rest of the group after dispatching those still surviving around me. The first ones to appear were the Chicken Wings; my Eyes Forwards Sparkle alerted me to their presence with two little yellow dots, the earth pony in front of me being a red dot before his blood feeds the ground as my katana stabs into his skull.

“Hey, Jackass; see you’ve been goin on a murder spree of your own, eh? How many have you gotten under your flank?” Vision asked as he approached me, a rather large smile on his face with blood seeping into his wings. Rogue, of course, had a cold expression as he kept watch around the area. Kind of pointless, considering my E.F.S, but I suppose a soldier never changes, no matter where their home may lie.

“Only those who have passed you, which appears to be many, having trouble looking through that scope? Maybe a pegasus’ eyes aren’t quite what they are said to be,” I reply as I throw a fireball on yet another body, burning it to a cinder to make sure it doesn’t rise again. May whoever is watching take care of him in the afterlife.

Vision looked rather irritated at that comment before he pulled up his sniper and a bullet rang out, hitting one that was creeping up to Rogue. “My eyes are amazing, especially compared to one with only a single eye. Isn’t that right, Cyclops? ”

I growl as I turn back to him, a red marker appears behind me as I send my katana into it before sighing and walking past the flying equivalent of a radroach. “I have no desire to adhere to the petty comments of one whose brain is the size of a bullet, and is fired just as easily.”

Vision seemed unhappy with that comment but we have more murderers to dispatch and the city hall to storm. Considering how many were likely inside, knowing Vision’s ability to shoot, we would have to prepare for those inside, preferably having our entire group active. Junker, I imagine, could do some damage if we threw him in there like a bowling ball; however, I would prefer Tolson being active as well, otherwise we could sustain significant damage. Well the Chicken Wings would; I doubt they would make it to me quite as easily, and if they did, a fiery death would be awaiting.

Quite a bit of time passed before we heard the call from the small mare inside that Tolson was not dead, simply out cold. The idiot is wasting valuable time that could be better spent learning the insides and outs of a pony; instead, I am having to deal with the company of these insufferable morons. The job is not quite done yet, we still haven’t found the precious ponies he seems intent on helping; however, we have gotten quite a bit of caps from this adventure, which I suppose makes up for something. With how long he has been out, I severely doubt those two ponies he is looking for are still drawing breath. It would be a miracle if they were.

As I am pacing around the building finding bodies to burn I had missed, or that Vision had picked off in the meantime, I hear a sharp cry of “OY, MORONS, Y’ALL STILL ALIVE?!” and I swear, if he screamed any louder the ground would have shook under me. Looking around the building, I see Tolson standing there, with the medical pony under his arm as she stabs him in the throat with what looks to be Med-X. He doesn’t appear to notice, and I’m not entirely sure if he’s all there in the first place. A gunshot rings out from behind me as a bullet wizzes by my head. Looking behind me, I see a pony standing there with a smoking rifle; a few seconds later, and he is standing there without a head. Grabbing a cloth, I start wiping the blood off my katana as Vision appears to almost pout as I walk up.

The other members of the group have also started to gather around Tolson; little is said, however, except from the Medical pony whose name we learn is Melody. She then goes on a tangent about how many of us have bullet wounds or similar injuries while sewing up most of them; she may have quite a temper, but she appears to know her stuff. May prove to be a valuable asset in the future. She seems to have most of her brain intact... that is, of course, until she walked up to Junker, at which point, she looked into his bags and started beating her head into her hooves. Her intelligence is yet to be determined.

After a few minutes, Rogue walks up to Tolson and mutters a few words to him; I can’t quite hear it over Melody’s squabbling with Junker. After a few seconds, I see Tolson start to walk towards the town hall. As always, we wait an hour for him to get his stupid flank off the ground, and he waits five seconds. So fantastic to be around such a lovely party of ponies.

I give off a sigh before I walk behind him, grabbing Melody by the scruff of the neck before attempting to fling her at Tolson, I get her hoof slamming into my face instead. “Boy, haven’t you heard it’s rude to grab a lady? I may not be the biggest pony but that means I can hurt you so much more, so very easily,” She says this with a wink, but I think she would make very well on that threat; note to self, don’t touch her. She turns around and slaps Junker again as he attempts to grab his bag; for how small she is, her slaps make quite a resounding noise.

The Chicken Winged Duo appears to follow Tolson as Melody grabs the bag Junker dropped, and starts rushing towards Tolson; probably to fix whatever the idiot didn’t let her, or maybe to kill him. I hope it’s the latter.

We arrive at the building, which is about as pleasant as the inside of a radgator when a landmine is in its gut. In other words, it was horrible and smelled like shit. The city hall was rather large, especially when compared to the rest of the buildings surrounding it; also appeared to be more sturdy, being made out of stone rather than wood or brick like the rest of them. Adorning the balconies were various body parts, in various stages of decomposition, and many of them sliding down the pikes they were laid upon. The walls were painted red, slowly drying into a maroon, and the doors themselves were barricaded, had been for the last hour.

Then they weren’t.

I think Tolson broke his hoof as it slammed into the various objects behind the doors; at least that’s what Melody was screaming, “I just fixed you, stop breaking your damn hooves or I’ll break them for you!” At this comment Tolson looked at her and put his hoof on her head. I wonder if he has a death wish, or if he just liked to gamble. Melody appeared very flustered at this before jamming a needle into his hoof and slapping him.

As we begin to enter the building, our merry band of misfits seemed as confused at Tolson’s interaction as the rest of the ponies inside. Well some were confused, some were angry, one I think shit himself, at least I hope that’s the stain on the ground. Lastly, there was a very, very large pony in the middle of the room. His coat was an odd shade of green; almost like if you vomited on a pony’s coat rubbed it in, and had them vomit on themselves. His mane and tail were an even worse shade of green, but at least they were closer to radiation poisoning than vomit. His mane was spiky, although I doubt that’s from a gel, and his tail… was rather strange. It looked like he tried styling it like he was going to use his tail to fan himself; his intelligence is almost certainly lower than Junkers. Shockingly, he was also almost bigger than Junker; I wonder if there is a rampant mutation going around. Maybe I should check his blood work when he’s dead.

Before any fighting could begin, Melody decided to walk forwards; the entire building was in silence as this, what looked to be a filly, stepped into the middle of this battlefield and sat her flank down in front of the big stallion. Then she simply uttered a few words as she pulled out a… Wait, is that a stick? Huh, her intelligence I would put around Junker’s now. “My name is Melody, you killed my family, prepare to die,” Then she slapped him with the stick.

I was prepared to watch this small filly die this day, as the silence in the room almost grows, like the red mark on the stallion’s cheek. He proceeds to look back at her, not even a bruise forming on his cheek from the look of it, before he smiles, and grabs the handle of his sledgehammer on his back in his jaws and swings.

Now then, three things happen at the very same time. Firstly, I notice the sledgehammer is right about the same size as Melody; it would flatten her like a waffle. Secondly, I notice that Tolson is no longer next to me, and is next to Melody, shoving her out of the way. Thirdly, I notice that Vision has broken through the second story window and is in the rafters, and fired a bullet into a unicorn’s skull, making it explode violently against his friend’s coat.

At this point the battle started raging fully, an earth pony’s body is a wonder to behold when you truly look at them; strong, sturdy, and usually difficult to break. This stallion seemed intent on finding out how many bones Tolson could live without as the sledgehammer slams into his side, turning him into a U shape before he flew through the wall. As the dust settled, I also saw Melody rising from the bookshelf she was thrown against, screaming something about needing to fix every bloody wound.

At this point, I decide to get into the firefight as well, having to resort to my katana and fire, however, as one of these barbarians broke my laser rifle. Shockingly, one of them actually had good aim; he did not for very long once my blade went through his eyes and into the floor. Looking around the room, Vision seemed to provide adequate support, which is rather surprising. Rogue was running into the battle and slamming clip after clip into his assault rifle; a rather large waste of ammo, but it did the job. I raised my eyebrow as I watched him start to quadrisect a stallion with his rifle, amazing what bullets can do to one’s flesh and insides, especially when they are outside of your body.

Looking around me with my E.F.S to spot any stragglers, of which there appeared to be many, I heard behind me, “You big bully! You almost hit my drug dealer! I like my drug dealer... Oh, and that other guy.” I turned around to see Junker actually slug the other stallion; this leaves a much larger mark before the other one slugs Junker; it’s almost like watching a boxing match. If both ponies were blind, deaf, and stupid, well, they are already stupid. I look to my side as a red arrow appears, following a blade slicing down in front of me, nearly cutting some of my hair and my eyepatch, damn my lack of vision. I turn to him and bring my own sword to the ready, clashing against him over and over again. Oddly enough, this pony seems competent, I shall give him a painful death, but a fun one.

Stepping forwards, I slam my katana down into his own sword, it appears to be rather rusty and this pony had a rather crazed look in his eyes, a bloodthirsty one. I can only assume he has done much worse deeds then what I’ve seen so far.

The stallion in front of me twists his head, his sword in his mouth maneuvers under my katana causing it to slide across his blade as I backstep, his blade barely inches from my flesh as I hover my katana in the air, slicing into his back as he gives off a yell of pain. For the next few minutes, I backpedal as my katana slices into this pony over and over again while dodging his own blade, almost like we were in a dance... if the dance consisted of blood flying from every angle and my blade carving him into pieces.

I notice him start to waver, the clash of metal ringing out throughout the area as my eye starts to twitch slightly and I begin to grin. Bearing down upon the pony, I push my sword right up to his neck, causing him to pause momentarily as blood drips down his throat.

The manic grin that forms causes me to take yet another step backwards and his grin only grows larger as he leans down and bites my katana before charging at me… then he screams in pain as my fireball hits him in the eye, slowly consuming his skull and burning the flesh off of his face, before I rip my sword out of his smoking mouth and I swing it down upon him once more, slicing and dicing into his body over and over again as the flame consumes whatever I miss.

As I finally turn back to the rest of the room I start to wipe the blood off my coat with my cloth; hrm, I shall have to get a new one of these soon. I notice a shout from the other side of the room, near Junker and Melody, or, where she used to be. “Why did you kill Big Jimmy? He wasn’t even-” A loud squelching and popping noise could be heard past the broken wall as Junker gut punches the other stallion with a grin. A grin that quickly fades once he feels a sledgehammer hitting him across the room and into a couple of bookshelves, several of which fall on him. At this point, Tolson came out of the hole in the wall with two heads in his hooves, he’s… standing on his hind legs? Odd display, but if that’s what does it for him.

As he throws the heads into the area, a few of the ponies that are still standing, or breathing, look at him with a shocked look. One screams out, “Noooo, Long John the second, you cared for me for so very long, your head was so nice and now it’s gone!” I looked at this pony curiously, wondering if he knew he was stepping on the pieces of another one of his friends before shrugging as my blade goes through his leg; Tolson does not notice in the slightest, it would appear. Melody was right next to him grabbing several of his body parts and snapping them back into place with a rather loud pop or crack each time. Fascinating, I would have thought that sledgehammer would bring any ordinary pony, that’s not on a copious amount of drugs, to a bleeding pile of bones and blood. I wonder what kind of drug Melody has given him; considering the face she is making, now is not the time to ask. However, considering Tolson is there, now could be a perfect time to ask... Oh well, I shall do so later, this pony simply holds my attention more, along with my weapons.

After a few minutes, I light a few more ponies on fire; dead ones, sure, but their souls must move on somehow. The rest of the building has been cleared from our little group and Tolson seems to have done a fair deal. I wasn’t aware you could hold a jaw like that, nor was I aware a single pony could rip off an arm to that degree. However, I did learn today that earth pony arms are brilliant weapons if you rip them off first, not so much if they are still attached; they scream a lot more. Every now and again, Tolson would pull the gun off his back and slam it into another pony; he looks grumpy about something, but I’m not sure what it is. Melody looks more frustrated than she is injured as she stands next to him, shoving syringe after syringe into his side, which appears to have a rather large dent in it now. Interesting.

At this point the big stallion, whom, after several ponies have screamed his name, I have learned is called Backbreaker; fitting, considering what he did to Tolson, stands up and slams his sledgehammer into the ground causing the floor to shake. He looks at Tolson dead in the eyes, well, I assume Tolson, as Melody did not appear to do much to him, but maybe he just has a hated of fillies. “You, boy. How in the seven hells of tartarus are you still standing? Why don’t you move along now and let me get my hooves on your little filly friend, she made fun of me with her little stick so imma make sure it goes up her ass.”

“Bite me, you oversized foal, put your little hammer in a place where Celestia’s bright sun don’t-” Tolson put his hoof over her mouth as she glares daggers at him, raising a few needles as she does so; he doesn’t appear to care. “Where’s Ma and Miss Ditzy? I’m looking for them and don’t have the time, nor interest, to deal with you.” Huh, Tolson actually brings up a good point for once, and gets straight to it. I wonder how many of those drugs made his brain bigger, and which just made him stupid.

The rather large stallion puts his hoof on his sledgehammer before muttering, “Oh, those two whores? We haven’t done too much with them; figured you would come looking for them so we grabbed them up. Didn’t expect you to bring a whole posse with you, but if you want your friends to die too, who am I to judge? However, that being said, you did kill a lot of my ponies; Long John, Willhelm, Big Johnson, Little Johnson, George, all my little buddies are on the floor, and not like they usually are. So I think it’s time y’all pay some respect here... lay down on the floor, and embrace my lovely hammer inside of you.”

Tolson sighs and moves his hoof off of Melody’s mouth before grabbing his bent gun, not sure what he is planning on doing with, is he… bending his gun back? Wow, I didn’t realize his brain was that small, a gun like that shooting after being bent to that degree would be a miracle. He proceeds to walk up to the large stallion and slam his gun against his chest frame, “That doesn’t answer my question, Sir. Where, is, Ma? Glad you know who I’m talking about, CAUSE DARN, would that be a long drawn out explanation I don’t have the time, nor the crayons for.”

Backbreaker laughs for a moment before pressing his forehead into Tolson’s, almost pushing him down before Tolson pushes back up against him. “You will learn the answer to that question, Sir, over my cold, lifeless, limp ass body!” Tolson seems to take offense to this, well, I assume he does, but the only thing I can hear is the resounding blasts of his shells slamming into Backbreaker’s chest frame and Backbreaker hitting the shelf a good 10 feet away and coughing out blood Huh, it appears miracles like to follow Tolson as Vision yells out, “Woot woot! If you kill this guy, I’ll let you buy me a whiskey, Tolson!”

I sigh as Tolson doesn’t reply, this little party has gone on for long enough. He clearly isn’t going to tell us anything, and we could easily just search; unfortunately, this doesn’t click in any of their small brains so I start to levitate a gun behind Backbreaker. He’s currently spitting at Tolson as he stands up again; definitely must be a freak mutation, since the slugs didn’t even pierce through his body armor much less his freakishly toned chest frame. An earth pony’s body is a fascinating one, indeed, but even an idiot should know to aim for the head if you intend to kill. As I lift the gun behind his head he seems to be preparing to give Tolson another thrashing with his hammer while screaming out, “That was a nice shot, boy, it tickled me a little bit. Now let’s see you stand after my hammer has a rather personal meeting with your face!”

“Gun,” Tolson utters, looking at Backbreaker as he stops mid swing, completely confused at this sentence before I sigh and fire, his brain seems bigger on Tolson’s chest then it did while inside of his skull. As his body hits the ground, a bookshelf starts to move but my E.F.S registers it as yellow, so I decide not to grab another gun, throwing the one I have into the nearby pile as it’s rather disgusting in the first place. The other simple minded ponies all look at the bookshelf before Junker pops out of it screaming, “Whoo! I got you now bully, my hooves are gonna eat your face and you’re gonna feel the wrath, of Junker!” He takes a moment to look around the room “...Oh, uh… He’s dead... huh. That’s… Hey, Miss-Really-Mean-Lady, can I have my happy drugs?” Melody gives off a really deep sigh and proceeds to slam her head into Tolson’s arm; he once again doesn’t seem to notice as he seems more intent on looking around the room and… clicking? Huh, I wonder what his brain is like, I would love to take it apart one day.

As I was thinking about what I would find inside of that thick empty skull, Tolson, in his typical moronic fashion, started screaming out for this, Ma, character. After belting out her name several times, he gets a quick jab to the throat by Melody, who just gives a sigh as he frowns at her and then continues yelling. I’m amazed the roof doesn’t fall on us at this point. Melody proceeds to walk over to Junker for a few minutes, shoving in... who even knows how many drugs into his system, seeing the inside of him must be like a joyride that even a skeleton would throw up at.

After Melody presumably gives up on weaning Junker off his drugs, muttering under her breath, “I will get him off those one day even if it kills him,” We begin to actually search the building, I’m surprised most of the group has the brain power to realize there could be precious items lying around; unfortunately, none seem to realize books fall into this category. Looking for this Ma character is likely their priority, as it is what we came here for, and there is a second floor that I doubt these dumbasses had the common sense to search before screaming their hearts out.

“Hey, Chicken Wings, why don’t you two search the upper floors? They might have hidden them up there; I’ll search around here for anything of value, and since Melody seems so attached to the two dumbasses over there, they can search whatever counts as a basement in this building.” I call out to the rest of the group, none of them seem to find any reason to argue with me about any of that, not that I’m surprised, as we start to search. I find several interesting books lying around, most were in crappy condition but a few things were salvageable inside of a bookshelf.

Hearing a call from downstairs, I relay it to the birds upstairs; if they come, they come. I look over the room as I head towards the basement entrance; most of the bodies on the floor were charred or ash at this point, may their souls find the peace they don’t deserve, and several bookshelves were scattered around the area as the insides of ponies were draped around the sides of the building like a festival was being had here, a disturbing one that only the truly sick could enjoy, but a festival nonetheless. Stepping over several piles of rocks and debris, lighting what body parts I could on fire. Even if I can’t get rid of their entire bodies, may this bring them some peace, I finally reach the staircase leading down. It’s dark, oh well, nothing a light spell couldn’t fix.

I start heading down the stairs with my horn glowing; how these ponies navigate this hellhole without light I couldn’t say. I reach the bottom as I hear the birds land behind me, my E.F.S pointing me towards the three down here, or, 5? Ah, that’s what they were calling about. Well time to see what all the fuss is about, and if it was worth it to almost die... again.

At least it was fun, and I got a book.