Celestia sighs and rolls over in her bed, eying the letter on the nightstand. Sunset and moonrise were hours ago, but she hasn’t had any sleep, or rest for that matter. Long has it been since she had a sleepless night like this, and she can tell she won’t be sleeping anytime soon. When she drags herself upright no compulsion other than the force of habit convinces her to put on her regalia.
Before heading out into the palace halls, she glances at the scroll, uncertain if she wants to leave it behind or not. Her first instinct is to abandon it, but she knows she won’t be able to get it out of her mind. Gingerly she lifts it and carefully tucks it beneath her peytral. The scroll crinkles and presses against her chest, a constant reminder of its message, not that she could forget it.
In the silence of the palace at night, each click of her shoes on the stone is almost deafening. Just about everypony is sleeping, absent are the usual bustle of palace staff going to and fro on what always seems like urgent business. She is alone, or near enough.
A lone guardspony patrolling the halls glances towards her and startles when he sees her stepping by. His hoof snaps up to a salute with such vigor that he bashes his own helm in the side, twisting it so it mostly blocks his face and scrunching his muzzle. Despite what must certainly be painful he holds the salute until she passes. During the day, and were she not deep in thought, she might have chuckled at his behavior. As is, she barely even notices him and gives him only a cursory nod.
Crickets greet her with their constant trilling when she leaves the palace and wanders into the garden. The cool breeze of the night air does little to settle her troubled mind or her aching heart. Along the flowerbeds, the tulips and daisies have bundled themselves up to await her morning light.
At the moment, she doesn’t feel like she’ll give it to them.
Largely aimless, she wanders through the gardens. Past the topiary, then the statuary and even the aviary, until she finds herself at an aging fountain in an isolated corner. It’s nothing fancy, it doesn’t even have a statue decorating it, just four spouts of water filling a basin that spills into the pool below. The simplicity is one of the things that she likes about it. Moss has grown up around the edge of the wall, and even onto the basin’s pedestal, covering the reliefs with a green carpet.
She sighs again, sitting down beside the pool and watching the moon’s reflection in the water. Her solitude is ephemeral, it isn’t long before a shadow crosses the moon’s wavering surface and the silence is disturbed by the quiet flutter of soft wings and the click of silver shoes on the stone as another pony lands nearby.
“Good evening, sister.” Luna steps up beside the fountain. Celestia meets the eyes of her sister’s reflection, hesitating to speak. “It isn’t like you to be awake so late.”
“Did you know this is one of my favorite places in the garden?” She speaks slowly. The other Alicorn blinks and tips her head, but doesn’t answer. “It’s simple and quiet, and private. I remember when it was first installed onto the palace grounds.” With one hoof she scrapes aside some of the moss, revealing the faded mural beneath. “It’s so very old.”
“It is quite ancient.” Were she feeling better, Celestia might have laughed. As old as the fountain is, it’s basically new compared to Celestia herself. The thought makes Celestia feel her age for the first time in a very long time.
“I’ve spent so much time here. Tea with Twilight Sparkle, or discussing Sunset Shimmer’s lessons with her. Before that, meeting Seawhirl for lunch. Before that, talking with Evergreen on a sunny day. Even, on a few rare occasions, meeting for a secret midnight tryst with somepony special.”
“Oh, waiting for one tonight?” Luna’s reflection smirks slightly, but Celestia shakes her head.
“No teasing tonight, Luna. I’m in no mood for it.”
“I can see that, but very old habits die hard. Pray-tell, What disturbs you?” Celestia shifts her weight so she can nearly lie down, the message under her peytral crumpling up into her fur.
“I received this letter today, about an old friend.” With some trepidation, she pulls it out and passes it to Luna, who begins to read it aloud.
“Dear Princess Celestia. My grandfather, Remembrant, often spoke of the time he spent in your court, and how he enjoyed his time with you.” As she reads, Celestia removes her crown and sets it gingerly on the stone rim surrounding the fountain’s pool. “In recent months he has said he would like to meet you again and reminisce on ‘the good times’ as he put it. I regret to have to inform you that his health has deteriorated, and we fear he may not live much longer.” Luna's eyes dart to Celestia’s face for a moment before continuing, Celestia tries to keep her expression calm. “I beg of you that you should make plans to visit him as soon as possible if you want to see your old friend before the end. I know it would let him rest easy to know you still remembered him. Your humble citizen, Tigereye Garnet.” Very quickly Luna reads the letter again. Celestia studies her crown, noting all the little dings and dents from the many, many, years she has worn it. “I believe I understand your sleeplessness now.”
“Check the date, on the post office stamp.” Celestia doesn’t even look over, she’s seen it already, and her voice almost croaks. The scroll flips over in Luna’s aura, and the other Alicorn blinks.
“Oh my, this letter was posted over a month ago.”
“It must have gotten lost in the mail.” Celestia cannot hold back her welling tears for much longer, wiping them away with one hoof.
“You should make plans to see him at once. I’ll take on your duties while you are away.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“Of course I will!”
“No, I mean…" She sighs again. “When I finally received it I asked Raven to immediately clear my schedule. But she recognized his name from the newspaper this morning. It was in the obituaries.” Luna flinches. Celestia finally cracks, her tears streaming freely down her cheeks and burying her face in her hooves. “His funeral was yesterday.”
“Oh, sister, I’m so sorry.” Luna sits at her side, draping one wing over Celestia’s side. She makes no effort to hide her grief, weeping for a friend she’ll never see again. For a while, Luna says nothing, holding her sister close while she lets out all her pent up sorrow. Only when her sister’s sobs have given way to hiccups and gasps for breath does she speak again. “Such is our curse, and our burden. We’ll have to say goodbye to all the ponies we know eventually.”
“It’s so easy for you to say it.” Celestia pulls away from Luna, just enough to bring her face to face, and trying to once again to wipe her tears away. “I don’t think you really understand.”
“I’ve lost friends too you know.” Luna tries to keep her tone civil, but it’s clear she feels insulted.
“For you it was different.” Desperate to avoid the argument they can both tell is coming, Celestia tries to explain. “By the time you… left, we had only had to bury our very oldest friends. We experienced loss for the first time the same way that every pony does, together, and we could relate.” She returns her gaze to the pool of water, and the moon’s reflection. “But then you were gone, and by the time you came back, you didn’t know anypony anymore. So, no, Luna. You don’t really understand what I’ve gone through.”
“That doesn’t mean I don’t mourn for them.”
“I know, and I’m sorry I snapped.” She picks up her crown with her magic, setting it spinning in the air with a tap. Silence sits heavy between them for a few minutes. “Do you know how long we’ve been doing this, ruling Equestria?”
“A little over eleven hundred years, give or take.” Luna shrugs.
“Do you have any idea how long that really is? How many lifetimes it is?” Celestia glances at her sister, seeing her eyes dart side to side as she calculates. “Forty generations, Luna. Forty lifetimes and I lived them all.” Luna meets her gaze, and her eyes slowly go wide as she begins to contemplate what that really means. “I made friends, and when they died made friends of their children, and then theirs, and theirs, and on and on and on. Down through the years and the decades and the centuries.”
“I’m sorry. You’re right, I didn’t go through that.”
“I still remember them, each and every one. A few made marks on history. Like Glimmerwing, a Pegasus who actually studied magic with me. He managed to design a spell that gave non-Pegasus ponies wings. Or Neighbor, the diplomat who helped me sign the first accords with the Hippogriffs.” Celestia lets her eyes drift up to the sky, already feeling the tears coming back. “But most have disappeared. You won’t find anypony now who remembers Woodwind, despite being one the finest flutists of her time. Or Rampart Rock. Do you know he saved my life once? I visited his grave a few years ago, it’s so old that his name has weathered away.” She sniffles. “Nopony knows the names Spring Rain, Tailspin, Clarity Crystal, Amberglow, Blue Belle, or Firelight anymore.”
“You do.” Luna wraps her wings and forelimbs around Celestia. Again Celestia lets her emotions out, dropping any pretense of royalty along with her crown. The tiara plops into the water, glittering under in the moonlight filtering through the ripples. After crying into Luna’s mane for a while longer, she begins to regain her control. Luna fishes the crown out of the fountain and sets it on the stone to dry.
“Do you know what I was doing when I was missing his funeral?” Celestia’s eyes, once she can bring herself to open them again, linger on the gold jewelry. She can feel Luna shake her head, but neither Alicorn lets go of the other. “I was in a meeting with Upper Crust and Fancypants, listening to them drone on about preparations for the Royal Swanifying Ceremony.” Luna stifles a laugh, this is no time for jokes. “I didn’t have to be there. I didn’t want to be there.” Celestia inhales long and deep, exhaling in an extended slow sigh. “I’m so tired, Luna.”
“I can help you to sleep if you wish.”
“I’m tired of all this.” She shakes her head, getting strands of her own mane tangled in Luna’s. “Of stuffy summits with puffed up diplomats.” She pulls back, breaking free from Luna’s embrace and sitting upright, looking down at her peytral. “Pointless ceremonies full of empty platitudes.” She tugs at the regalia, pulling it off nearly in rage. “And missing seeing my friends before they die because of endless administrative meetings I don’t even care about!” With her own hooves instead of magic, she flings the peytral away, where it clatters off the fountain’s basin and heavily splashes into the water. “I don’t want to do this anymore!” Her voice nearly breaks under the strain, and she almost shouts herself hoarse. She’s reduced to short gasps and choking sobs, lacking the strength to do more than hide her face in her hooves on the fountain’s rim. Luna sets one hoof on her shoulder and gently brushes her mane with the other.
“That, at least, I think I understand. But what can you do? Quit?” Celestia doesn’t say a thing. For several long moments, the only sound is the sloshing of the water and the gurgling of the fountain. Celestia stares at the peytral in the water, distorted by the ripples.
“Maybe I will.” She says, at last.
“I was jesting.” Luna giggles, but Celestia doesn’t laugh. Luna stops brushing her sister’s mane and looks her in the eye. “Wait… are you serious?”
“I think… I think I am.” Celestia lays her head upon the fountain’s stone rim, half expecting Luna to sputter out a complaint. Instead, Luna is quiet for a while.
“You’ve been thinking about this a long time, haven’t you?”
“Ever since I turned Twilight into a princess. Even before, to be honest.” Luna is silent, allowing Celestia to let out her thoughts. “Looking back on it all, I think I’ve been waiting for somepony who could take over for a long time. It’s been so very long since I’ve met a pony as capable and understanding and wise as she.”
“But she’s still so young and inexperienced. Are you sure she can handle it?”
“Yes, she does have much to learn. So did we, back when we started out. I’ve been grooming her to take my place, even before I was doing it consciously. Between my teaching and her friend’s support, and even Discord’s assistance when he’s feeling helpful, she’ll do just fine. Besides, aside from that mess with Cozy Glow, she’s done such a good job keeping everything harmonious through the friendship school.”
“Well then.” Something clinks, and Celestia looks over to see Luna’s dark crown on the stone beside her gold one. She looks up at her sister, smiling softly down at her. “I don’t think we should make any quick decisions right now, but if you do this I’ll be right there beside you.”
“You’re sure?”
“We both know I’ve not done a great job with helping actually run the nation. It wouldn’t be a stretch of imagination to say princess Sparkle would do better than I. Equestria can get along without me, just as it did for a thousand years.”
“But what about you and…?”
“We’ll figure it out.” Luna shrugs again. “As I said, I don’t think we should make a decision like this lightly, we’ll discuss it in the morning after you’ve had a good night’s rest.”
“Thank you, Luna.” Celestia throws her forelimbs around her sister, holding the other Alicorn tight. “Truly.” She tries to stand, but the conversation has drained her emotional strength, and she can’t bring herself to do more than lie down. “Oh, Luna, I’m so tired.”
With her head on her forelimb, she closes her eyes and listens to the fountain gurgling and the wind through the trees. Luna doesn’t say anything and resumes brushing Celestia’s mane gently. The princess of the night hums quietly, and the princess of the sun drifts off to sleep to dream of the sun setting on the horizon with the soft tones of Luna’s lovely lullaby in her heart.
