Isn't That For Little Colts?

by LitMatchStick

Rating: everyone
Tags: Rarity, Random, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Main 6
Length: 2267

Rarity finds out her friends like things that she doesn't.

The gang takes some time to relax when Rarity starts a conversation about a seemingly inappropriate comic series.

Published 2019-10-07 01:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2019-10-07 01:00:02 UTC

No, Don't Tell Me to Be Open-Minded

Author's Note

Is this a one-shot? It feels weird to write.

One little one-shot and I'm on the top of the front page for roughly three days.

How

No, Don't Tell Me to Be Open-Minded

Today was a special occasion. A rare opportunity where the responsibilities of multiple individuals don't take up most of the day. Extra leisure time that happens to line up just right.

An afternoon with friends.

For the mane six, it seemed like forever ago since they last went out and spent time together. Sure, they would often see and interact with another in passing, or sometimes assemble to stop a world-ending threat. However, during none of those times were they all there, nor was it for R&R.

"One lump or two?"

"Just one sugar cube, sugarcube."

Levitating the teaspoon with her magic, Rarity delicately scooped a sugar cube from its container and floated it over to Applejack's cup. With a dip from the handle, the cube fell in without a splash, leaving only a single ripple on an otherwise calm surface.

"Show off," Rainbow Dash said, smirking. The unicorn didn't look her way, instead, bringing the teaspoon back into the container, all the while having a smug smile of her own.

"I call it, 'a valuable lesson.' Perhaps one day you, too, will learn the merits of going nice and slow." Rarity motioned to the wonderbolt's own tea-cup with a hoof. They were each served the same amount of tea ⁠— a majority of Rainbow Dash's just happened to be dripping down the side and collecting in the saucer.

Bringing her cup to her lips, the unicorn began tilting it up when her eyes found something across the café that made her eyes narrow.

"All right, ease up you two," Twilight said, giggling. "Fluttershy wanted to bring us all together so we could relax." Beside her, the aforementioned pegasus nodded before depositing two lumps into her tea. "Besides, it's usually Applejack that gets to tease Rainbow Dash."

"No⁠—"

Rarity placed a hoof to her lips as she closed her eyes. Setting her beverage back on its saucer, she cleared her throat with a curt 'ahem’ and returned her gaze to the thing that appalled her so.

"Apologies dear, I wasn't looking at Rainbow Dash," the unicorn said. "I was looking at that." She pointed just her hoof, nudging it once in the same direction. Everypony followed it to see three mares sitting in another table.

"Did... did they do something bad to you?" Fluttershy asked, turning her head back to Rarity.

"If that was the case, we can walk over there and talk things out," Twilight offered.

"No, nothing like that," Rarity said. Her friends shifted their gazes between each other before they all settled on the unicorn.

"Then what's the problem?" Applejack asked.

"It's... that." She pointed again, this time fully extending her foreleg out across the table. The mares all looked again, some even squinting when they couldn't find anything of offense.

"Is that... a sticker?" Rainbow Dash pulled her head back before checking to make sure that what was on one of the mares' cheeks was, indeed, a sticker. "I don't know a lot about high fashion or whatever, but a sticker Rarity? That's what's setting your alarms off?"

"Wait a minute..." Pinkie Pie said with one eye closed and the other opened REALLY wide. So wide, in fact, that it actually expanded out her eye socket and snaked its way across the café and over to the unsuspecting trio.

When the end of her organic periscope was within a few inches of the sticker, one the mares pointed at it and screamed, causing the other two to panic. As they hastily picked up their bags and scurried away, the pink mare's eye shrank back into her head to the tune of a slide whistle.

"That wasn't just any sticker," the pink pony began, ignorant of the wary looks their table was getting, "that was a sticker of Karl Kreuger's face!"

"Karl who-now?" Applejack asked.

"Karl Kreuger, ethical business owner and professional face smasher. He's one of the characters in Battle Buddies ⁠— it's a comic I've been reading to Pound Cake."

"A little colt's comic, I might add," Rarity said. "One filled with these fictional creatures known as humans ⁠— hairless, bipedal apes ⁠— that go around causing all sorts of violent nonsense."

"Now, why would a fully-grown mare be goin' around with something like that on her face?" Applejack said.

"She's a humare, darling." Upon realizing what came out of her mouth, Rarity visibly gagged. "Apologies."

Twilight raised a hoof and began talking in her lecture voice. "Actually, it's⁠—"

"Eh, it's not as bad as you put it," Pinkie Pie said. The unicorn redirected her disgust towards her while the apple farmer raised an eyebrow. "Sure, the series is known for glorifying the use of combat through its nonpony characters, but past all of that, you'll find that the purpose of each conflict is to teach a valuable life lesson in the end."

"Pardon?" Applejack, Rarity, and Twilight said.

"Mhm, it's super interesting how they weave violence and morals together. Combined with amazing art and visuals that pops out of the page, everything just works. Now I won't say that there aren't any off issues where the message is either undermined or barely makes its mark, but overall, I'd say it's worth taking a look for yourself."

Twilight gave her a wide-eyed stare after she just heard her friend, the partiest of ponies, briefly explain the merits of a comic for little colts. "I must say Pinkie, that was... very rational and coherent from you, and not at all said within three seconds."

"Well, yeah, after spending time reenacting some of the fight scenes with an excited little foal, of course you'd get a little tuckered out! I'm only running on these sugar cubes right now." Pinkie Pie motioned to the container, where all but a quarter of the cubes remained.

"Et tu, Pinkie?" Rarity asked with a look of shock. "I would expect Rainbow Dash, but you?"

"What can I say? It's a good comic," Pinkie replied nonchalantly.

"Buck yeah that sounds like a good comic," said the rainbow-maned mare herself. "You got any I can borrow?"

"They're not mine, silly! I gave them back to Spike." They both looked at Twilight, one pegasus looking more expectantly than the other.

The alicorn rolled her eyes while smiling. "Alright. I'll go see if Spike can part with his comics for another day or two."

Across from her, Rainbow Dash pumped a hoof into the air, muttering a silent 'Yes!' All the while, a white unicorn gave the two of them an unamused look.

"In the meantime..." Pinkie Pie began rummaging through her bag, her tongue sticking out the side of her mouth. "Aha!"

She held three comic books into the air, the front covers displaying said bipeds in valiant poses or pre-combat arrangements. With both ponies standing on their chairs and reaching over the table, Pinkie Pie gave them to the cyan mare before retreating to each other's seats.

"I got my own copies of the first three issues so I could read them to Pound. Those three are his favorite."

"Aw wicked! The cover art alone is enough to make want to read!" Stars twinkled in Rainbow Dash's eyes as she stared at one of the covers ⁠— two muscular humans with their faces inches from each other and their right arms cocked back.

Upon realizing which issue her friend was gawking at, Fluttershy's face lit up. "Oh! Is that the third issue, Sanctuary Struggle?"

Rarity nearly choked after deciding she was just going to block out any talk about Battle Buddies, and, instead, take a sip from her tea. A bit of coughing and sputtering later, she stared at her normally benign friend. "Fluttershy!?"

"Oh... Umm..." The pegasus looked down and shuffled her hooves. "I... might have taken an interest a couple days ago..."

"How in the world, darling? You are the last pony I'd expect to find enjoyment is such gratuitous violence."

"I don't exactly enjoy it, but..." she looked at the curious faces of her friends and brushed aside the lock of hair that was threatening to hide one of her eyes. "...there's something about seeing somepony ⁠— err... someone, fighting for just values and morals that I just can't ignore. They might not have as high of a stake like we have when saving Equestria, but seeing these characters going through similar struggles like us, I can't help relating to them."

When Fluttershy ended explaining herself, she looked at the faces of her friends again, most of whom seemed a little more understanding. Then she turned to face Pinkie Pie and made a high-pitch yelp, nearly jumping out of her seat.

During her talk, the pink mare slid ever closer to the pegasus, eyes narrowing and smile growing just as slowly. Without missing a beat, Pinkie said in a knowing tone, "You recognize number three because that's when Bailey Barns helped free all those animals, don't you?"

Having recovered, Fluttershy faced the intruding pony again, both hooves on her heart. "N-no!" she said to no avail. The pink pony gaze remained on her, causing her to gulp. "Maybe... O-okay, yes."

"HA! Knew it." Pinkie Pie's chair slid back into its original position and she began reaching over the table. "I don't blame you though. That guy is a nut for nature." She chucked three sugar cubes in her mouth and gobbled them up like nothing.

"I can't believe the four of you," Rarity said.

"Don't know Rares," Applejack finally spoke up. "Seems pretty believable to me." It was then that Rarity added another victim under her scrutinizing gaze. She didn't say a word, but the orange mare chuckled all the same.

"I mean, the way you explained, it all sounded inappropriate, even for somethin' aimed for little colts. But, after hearin' what everypony else had to say, it don't sound so bad after all. Heck, I might give it a lil' look-see myself."

At that moment, the unicorn sat up straight, eyes closed and took a deep breath. "Can we move on to a different subject?" she said, lids still down. Her friends had a brief chuckle before agreeing to do just that, starting with Applejack.

"S'pose I still need to taste this tea you made me," the apple farmer said. She only touched the side of the cup and was already looking unsure at the beverage. "S'kinda cold though..."

Later that night at the Carousel Boutique, Rarity was putting away all the things she didn't get to clean before leaving for the café. Rolls of fabric placed back on the shelves, stray pins returned to their cushion, and unspent spools reinserted to their empty spots on the spool rack. Besides the occasional meowing and shuffling from her cat, nothing else made a noise in her closed dress shop.

After the last spool was put away, she retreated into her room, where her feline companion raced to her bed. Rarity didn't immediately follow suit. Instead, she walked to the side of her bed and sat on her haunches.

She waited nearly an hour for the cat to finish making last-minute adjustments to her spot before going to sleep, but upon hearing the feline's calmed breathing, her horn lit up. Two earplugs appeared seemingly out of nowhere and made their way to the cat's ears. Ever so, gently she tucked them inside, being extra careful not to wake the already jumpy animal. Once they were in place, she clopped her hooves.

Opal remained asleep.

Briefly smiling to herself, she closed all the curtains and lights in her room with a quick sweep of her magic. She gave her surroundings a quick glance, and then another after she lifted the sheets from the side of her bed.

Reaching underneath, she pulled out a metal box with a five-digit combination lock. It took her less than a second to turn all the digits to the correct number, the lock responding with a satisfying 'click'. Checking her room for the third time, she opened the box and her eyes lit up.

There, standing atop a pile of Battle Buddies comics was none other Miles Moreau ⁠— scholar, gentleman, and pugilist extraordinaire. He not only gives solid relationship advice to the future stallions of Equestria but also delivers haymakers twice as hard. That, and he's also well versed in the etiquette of proper attire.

Rarity hugged the figurine out of the box with a contained squeal, tucking its head under her chin. Pulling back from the embrace, she raised one of its arms up so that its fist was facing her and promptly bumped it with her hoof.

A light scratching noise came from the bed, causing the unicorn to freeze. Hugging the figurine once more, she peeked her head out, horn pre-lit in case she needed to do something drastic.

When she saw that it was just Opal sleep-kneading the sheets, she breathed a sigh of relief. Bringing her attention back to the figurine, she looked to the side, her head half-turned the same way.

"Nopony must ever know."

With a kiss on the forehead, the figurine was returned to its spot on top of the comics and locked in the box once more. Rarity tenderly pushed it back underneath her bed, and, after checking the area one last time, she draped the sheets back onto the side of the bed.