Troll-light Sparkle's Vendetta
The following tale takes place almost directly after my previous story; A Letter From Trollestia. While you don't have to have read it to understand this, it would provide some comedic insight.)
You've been warned. Enjoy!
It had been an un-identified amount of time since Twilight had received a letter from her mentor; Princess Celestia. The letter consisted of ramblings only a drunkard could fathom as sensible, all the while reeking of hard cider.
Twilight had had enough with 'Trollestia's' letters, now dipping into the more private part of her life.
There was only one way a pony could combat the ramblings of an intoxicated goddess.
Counter-trolling of course. While also inebriated.
"Cutie Mark Crusaders; Top Secret Experiment Guards! ...And Spike!"
Scootaloo face-hooved. "Wow. That sounded way better on paper."
The three fillies and Spike were to watch the door to Twilight's basement, all under the guise that she was conducting important research involving shouting at plants.
Apple Bloom was next to speak. "Ah dunno Scoots, it sounded pretty good to me."
"Yeah, whatever. Let's just get through tonight without burning down the house."
Sweetie Belle went slack-jaw. "S-scootaloo? You're the one concerned with burning down the house? I never figured you to ever play the safe side."
"Well, this is Twilight's house. Would you want to burn down Twilight's?"
Sweetie Belle shook her head in a 'No'.
"I thought so. Let's just, umm...let's play cards! Yeah! My mom bought me a new set last week, we can play go blackjack!"
Apple Bloom scratched her head, now wearing a confused look. "What in the hay's blackjack?"
Meanwhile, Down In the Basement
"Celestia's my teacher, no...she's more than that. Celestia is like a second mom to me! I can't write back to her!"
"Yes you can! Get a hold of yourself Twilight, this won't stop until you do something about it!"
"But...but, I'm sure she's going to come around eventually! I-I mean c-come on, the Princess has only done this a couple of times--
"A 'couple' of times? This is the seventh time! Now come on Twilight, stop shouting at your reflection and do something about it! Your're Twilight-licious!"
Twilight splashed water on her face. The alcohol in her body needed time though, and the symptoms of of drunkenness were still prevalent enough, to say the least, 'cloud her mind'.
"The mirror's right...it's time to end this. Even though she's my teacher...this needs to stop," The lavender pony walked over to her desk and, after drinking some more dandelion wine, began to write. "It's time I introduced 'Trollestia' to my good friend...'Troll-light Sparkle'".
With the speed of ten stallions, Twilight began to vent.
A little known fact about Twilight Sparkle;
Alcohol speaks to her in more ways than most.
Dearest Princess Trollestia, this is your faithful student writing back to your...latest passage. I would like to calmly debate how you're dipping into my more personal life. If you ever,
"Stop! Just...just stop. You need to fight fire with fire Twilight, not sugar-coat a loving response. Let me remind you, Celestia isn't going to stop if you ask her nicely. I mean for Faust's sake, you just said 'It's time I introduce her to Troll-light Sparkle' for crying out loud. Get mean, get nasty, teach that mare a lesson! She's an immortal sun goddess! I'm sure she's heard worse!"
The desk-top mirror, in it's everlasting wisdom, was correct. Again.
"You...You're right. Time to grow up Twilight. Let's make sure Celestia never writes to me drunk ever again!"
"So. Spike."
Spike tapped the table for a hit. "Yeah Scootaloo?"
"What exactly is Twilight doing down there anyway? I mean, we're her guards...but for what?"
Apple Bloom and Sweetie had just finished making sandwiches for the group and were now walking back over to the make-shift blackjack table.
Apple Bloom took a sizable bite from her sunflower sandwich. "Whatcha talkin' about?"
"Spike's going to tell us what we're guarding Twilight for."
Sweetie perked up at the conversation. "Really? I thought it was strictly between him and Twilight?"
"It still is. Twilight has some...inner demons to fight."
Apple Bloom nearly choked on her sandwich. "WHAT? You mean she's fighting demons down there?!?"
Scootaloo ran for the door, but a purple claw stopped her before she could go down.
"No! You can't go down there! Besides, Twilight's not fighting real demons. She's just...well, she's writing."
Sweetie and AB Oh'd while Scootaloo turned back to Spike.
"Well, you could've said that in the first place. Writing's for nerds anyway..."
Spike face-clawed.
-and furthermore, the lack of faith you put in me has really made me frustrated lately. I'd be more likely to trust the neighborhood fillies than you. You would think that with all that's happened over the years, you would trust me unquestionably. But NO. Never! You trust cockatrices more than you trust me! Well enough is enough. It's time I put you in your place princess. Although I respect you as a mother, teacher, and mentor, this was LONG overdue. Say hello to Troll-light Sparkle.
Twilight clambered from her chair, stumbling into the bathroom.
"Wow, I'm pretty good at this. i never would have imagined how much fun it could be venting my thoughts...
A well known fact about Twilight Sparkle.
She kept her thoughts to herself.
A relatively unknown fact about Twilight Sparkle.
When she vented...all Tartarus broke loose.
"There ya go kiddo, isn't it great to just release it all at once? I told you, Auntie Tara has this handled."
Twilight just brushed the statement off.
"Yeah, it's like I was born to do this..."
"You betcha! Now get back out there and winter slap-up that teacher of yours!"
Twilight blushed. "Thanks me, I can always count on you."
The tipsy unicorn managed her way back to the desk with a slump, hitting her shin.
"Ah BUCK!"
Spike's ears perked up. "Did you hear that?"
The crusaders shook their heads.
"Must'ave been my imagination..."
"When I'm done writing to Celestia, you're going in the fire! Ya hear me desk?!"
The desk sat motionless.
"I thought so..."
Twilight could no longer levitate the quill with her magic, instead now relying on her left fore-hoof.
"Huh. So this is how earth ponies and pegasi write. Sucks for them."
Quill in hoof, Twilight continued her verbal tirade.
My auntie Tara taught me an important lesson on trolling today princess. It's that it takes time, skill, and determination. I figured that an old timer like yourself wouldn't understand such things. So what if you rule the kingdom? It's not like you have opposition or anything,
Twilight thought for a moment, brushing aside her inhibitions with another drink of dandelion wine.
I've always liked Luna more. She was my only true friend. I think me and her are more alike than me and Shining Armour. I mean look, Luna and I are both outcasts. We're both bad at making appearances. And, most importantly, we're both gorgeous. Yeah. I said it. Come at me Tia. Oh wait, you're too old to come at me. What are you anyways? Three thousand? You make Cranky look like a toddler! I hope you can put down the bottle soon and get back to life. If it's not permanently glued to your hoof that is. My lesson for the day? Enjoy more of life than it's luxuries.
Your most faithful student, Troll-light Sparkle.
P.S. Get back to work.
P.P.S. This was definitely not a joke.
P.P.P.S The above statement contains sarcasm.
Afterthought - My fan fictions are awesome. You have no right to judge them. Writing is a passion and a joy, and if you think otherwise, you can go buck yourself.
After-Afterthought - Twilight-liscious
Twilight cracked her back, each vertebrae snapping as she did.
"Wow. I can't believe I just wrote that. I really shouldn't send it but...Nah. What could possibly go wrong?"
"SPIKE! I need you to send a letter!"
And not more than a few minutes later, the letter was sent.
Back at Celestia's Bedroom...
"So Mike, do ponies ever respond to her letters?"
Mike nodded.
"Really? What do they say?"
Mike whispered into Mitch's ear.
"Really? So, can this go on for days at a time?"
Mike only nodded again.
"Wow. Oh wait, the princess is coming."
The guards returned to their statue-like position as the princess entered her bedroom, quill in one hoof and wine in the other.
"Did you see the wicked smile on her face? What was that all about?"
Mike turned his head towards the other guard, and with his everlasting wisdom, confessed to his fellow guard.
"It means she's found a debate partner."
"What?"
"They're going to settle this face to face."
