Singularity: The Paradox

by Viper9172

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Romance, Crossover, Human
Length: 16416

Captain Nathaniel Renko in Equestria (I hate these desc)

What happens when the captain of an American military squad becomes a living paradox? He is removed from his universe, that's what.

After waking up in a land entirely different, how will Renko react to the natives, how will they react to him?

Will Twilight have a Sciencegasm? Will Lyra have a seizure?

Find out all this and more! (Sorry for the shit description, I suck at descriptions. And a fair warning: Fic will contain dumb humor.)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-10-16 23:51:07 UTC

The Paradox's Answer.

Renko entered the present day Singularity tower, only to see that the E99 bomb plan was fruitless, the tower still stood.

"Have fun on your trip down memory lane, Captain?" Demichev laughed, holding a gun to Dr. Barisov's head. "You look surprised. All that effort to destroy the Singularity and all I had to do was simply rebuild it. Now, give me the T.M.D-"

"Don't, Renko!" Barisov interrupted "We were missing something, but we can figure it out! We can set things right-GUH" Barisov was knocked over by Demichev pistol whipping him.

"Only the victors rewrite the history books!" Demichev growled. "And you," Demichev raised his gun to Renko's head, "lost." Time slowed, Renko aimed his Centurion pistol at Demichev's chest and fired twice. Demichev fell to the ground.

"Only the victors rewrite the history books...That's it! The Singularity is not the problem, you went back in time and saved Demichev from being killed in the burning building! Remember?" Barisov asked in a semi-excited tone.

A flashback filled Renko's mind, the rotten hallways, the broken walls, ceilings, and windows. The overgrown plant-life on everything. The Time Shift. What was once a broken building had changed into one engulfed in flame, the screams of the injured and burning echoed around him. He saw himself grabbing for Demichev to prevent him from falling into a hole of flames.  The scenery changed once more, he was running down a hallway with Demichev hanging limply over his shoulder. An explosion causing him to falter momentarily.

A flash changed the hallway to the giant statue of Stalin's head, where he had set Demichev down to be checked by medical staff. The Time Shifted back to what would be present time, the statue of Stalin's head changed to one of Demichev holding something lost in time.

"He is what you changed, and he is what you have to change back!" Barisov continued. "You can not let Demichev live!"

Demichev coughed, "It won't work, you've already tried that, and failed..." He took a raspy breath, "Don't you remember who else was there, Captain Renko?"

The flashback started again, flashing to all the chrono-messages.

*What if this is supposed to happen?

He started it all.

MIR-12 is wrong!

We've tried already.

Barisov has it wrong!*

He is coming!

It changed to Renko kicking open a door, Demichev draped over his shoulder still. At the end of the hall, he saw a dark figure, his features blocked by flames and shrapnel.

"Renko, stop! Don't let Demichev live!"

The figure shouted. The flashback ended.

"That other man, " Demichev took a breath, "was you."

"He's right, Captain! You are the anomaly!" Barisov's tone darkened, "Which means the only way to correct the timeline is for you to stop yourself."

"You mean kill himself!" Demichev growled weakly. "You're asking a man to sacrifice himself for something you've been mistaken about, how many times now? I'm not sure you are a reliable authority, Barisov!" Demichev spit his name as if it were poison.

"Renko, don't listen to him, you can save the world!" Barisov pleaded. Demichev got on a knee.

"So you say, but Captain, think about what you were before all of this. A drone in the hive," He tried to stand, "I can offer you a whole other life. Things you could only imagine...at your fingertips! Give me the T.M.D," He was standing at this point, a hand over the bullet wounds. "and help me rule the world." Demichev coughed. Barisov clenched his fists.

"Is this a world you want to be a part of, Renko?! Look around you! Look at all the suffering this man has caused!" Barisov pointed.

"No visionary leader...is without his critics." Demichev took a step closer to Barisov.

"He is no visionary, he is a mass murderer! A dictator! You must stop him, at all cost. Use the T.M.D to go back and time, and kill yourself!" Barisov pleaded once more.

"Well, that certainly sounds like an attractive offer." Demichev said with sarcasm dripping from his tone. "Or, you can prove your loyalty to me...By killing Barisov. And I will grant you... unlimited power. Make your choice, Captain."

Renko stood for a moment, thinking. 'I choose...Barisov.' He thought. He raised the gun to Demichev's head and pulled the trigger, splattering his brains on the glass behind him.

"Renko...you just killed the most powerful man in the world! Now, you must use the T.M.D to go back in time and stop yourself." Barisov repeated. "I'm sorry."

Renko turned raising his arm to the Singularity before launching a beam into it. The scenery around him changed again, he was in the burning building once more, the door down the hallway was kicked open, past-Renko carrying past-Demichev over his shoulder.

"Renko, stop! Don't let Demichev live!" He shouted. Seeing past-Renko ignore his plea, he aimed down the Centurion's sights. 'Please...please just stop!' he begged inwardly. He put his finger on the trigger. 'I don't want to go!' He mentally screamed before pulling the trigger. Past-Renko fell limp before Renko felt an intense burning sensation in his head, then, he felt nothing.

Now this is when things get technical.

You see, every death is a fixed point in time, it has to happen. When Renko shot himself in the past, it both happened and didn't happen.

When he killed himself in the past, he broke the chain. Since he dead before he can live long enough to kill himself, he ceases to be alive, but not dead. If he kills himself in the past, he can't live to kill himself, which has to happen.Thus, he is a paradox. Paradoxes shouldn't exist in our universe, therefor, he is removed.

Confusing, yes? Good.

Canterlot, 3PM, National Museum.

The Equestrian National Museum was having an auction, selling off some older artifacts to raise money.

"And here we have one of the oldest artifacts, No one knows much about it. It is said to be older than Celestia herself!" The Museum directer waved a hoof at the statuesque object. It was egg shaped, a shiny blue color, the insides blurred. "It's an odd object, when you shine a light through you can see a shape in it. But no matter how hard we try, we can't crack it. Let's start the bidding at 50,000 bits!"

Vinyl was at the auction to get some cool decorations for her new club. She was there with two of her friends as well, Rainbow Dash and Octavia. Not only were they friends, but co-managers as well. Vinyl had recently won the Equestrian lottery, a grand total of Twenty-Five million bits. She figuratively wet herself when they called her numbers.

Yeah, figuratively.

Anyways, she had bought herself some topnotch equipment and a new club with her winnings. Some decorations, a new bar, just redid the entire thing. Now she was here, getting some decorations that could be talked about, like statues and such. Not paintings that could be easily ruined if some dickhead threw his beer at it. Statues could be easily cleaned, and stuff.

I'm lying. She just hates paintings.

Moving on. This piece interested her, like, it would be just perfect in her club, shine some lights through it and it would look very nice. 'Should I try for it?' She thought. "Rainbow, what do you think of it?" She asked.

"Eh, it's pretty cool, I kinda want to know whats in it though." Rainbow waved a hoof at it.

"Octavia?" Vinyl looked to the gray cellist.

"I like it, I feel like...it's talking to me." Octavia stared at the piece.

"Pfff, you're crazy. It looks nice thou-" Vinyl was interrupted.

"Renko, stop!" An unknown voice rang in her head.

"What?" Vinyl stared intently at the piece, along with her gray friend.

"I don't want to go! *BANG***" The noise made both mares jump in surprise.

Vinyl raised her hoof. "Alrightwhitemarehasitforfifty, canIgetsixty? Sixty? No? Okaywhitemareforfiftyinthree...two...no? Nooneelse? Alrightwhitemare, youhaveitforfifty,comeupandgetyourticket,youcanpayforitonyourwayout." The director banged a small gavel.

Vinyl stood and grabbed her ticket before sitting down again. When she sat, her eyes where drawn to the statue again, something inside was producing light. "You're hearing it too?" Octavia asked, not looking away.

"Yeah...what do you think it it?" Vinyl asked, a shrill ringing piercing her ears. "Ow!"

"What are you two talkin' about?" Rainbow asked, she didn't hear anything.

"You don't hear it? The ringing?" Octavia looked to her rainbow maned co-manager.

"No, there isn't any ringing. You're just crazy." Rainbow blew a raspberry.

"No...I hear it too." Vinyl's ears fell to the side of her head when the ringing started again, same with Octavia. "There's something talking too."

"I don't hear anything. You got your ticket, can we go now? This place is so boring." Rainbow suggested.

"Yeah, sure. Wanna grab something to eat on the way back?" Vinyl's stomach growled.

"Sure." Rainbow smiled.

"Sounds good." Octavia stood. The three friends made their way to the front desk and Vinyl set the ticket on the desk.

"Would you like some help getting your item home?" The attendant suggested. Vinyl wrote the club's address on a slip of paper and set it on the desk.

"Put it in the garage." She said before walking outside with her friends. "Any suggestions?"

"I could go for a sandwich." Rainbow looked around for a close restaurant.

"Only the victors rewrite the history books." All three mares' ears picked up.

"Did you hear it that time?" Vinyl asked the pegasus.

"Yeah, it sounded like someone from Stalliongrad." Rainbow spotted a restaurant. "How do you two feel about '5 Stallions Sandwiches and Hay Fries'?"

"And you lost *BANG BANG*"

The mares jumped again. "Uh...sure, that's good." Octavia shook a little. The three mares made their way into the sandwich joint and made their orders. They got their drinks and found a table, waiting for their food to be made.

"Do you think buying that statue was a bad idea?" Vinyl nervously tapped a hoof.

"Yeah, it'll look cool in the club." Rainbow looked nervous.

"What do you think was talking?" Octavia asked quietly.

"Number thirty two?" The cashier called over the mic, Rainbow went to get the food.

"Maybe it was whatever is inside it. Maybe it's haunted." Vinyl shrugged.

"There's no such things as ghosts. It's impossible-"

"Don't let Demichev live!" The voice rang again.

"Who is Demichev?!" Vinyl unintentionally shouted, drawing attention. Rainbow returns, setting the bag down on the table. Each mare takes their respective order and starts eating when a...'geeky' looking colt walks up to the table.

"Did you say Demichev?" He asks.

"Yes...? Why, do you know him?" Octavia asked, wiping her muzzle with a napkin.

"You watch My Little Human as well?" He then asks, trying to look suave. And failing horrifically..."Well, Demichev was one of the bad guys in season two. He wanted to get ultimate power but was stopped by another character named Renko. He stopped him by using the element of science. Now us Human-lovers are waiting for season three." The geeky colt smiled at Rainbow, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"No, we don't watch it. Maybe that's what we were hearing, someone watching it from inside their home." Octavia took a bite from her sandwich.

"But we heard it in the museum, and in here. There were no TVs." Vinyl finishes her sandwich. "Ah, whatever. Let's just finish eating and get back to the club."

"So uh...You free tonight?" The colt asked Rainbow.

"No. I have work." Rainbow said before crumpling the empty bag of hay fries.

"Well, where do you work?" He was persistent.

"None of your business." Rainbow tosses the bag into a nearby bin. The colt turns to the grey cellist.

"How about you?" He asks.

"I'm already seeing someone." She says simply.

"And I haven't done my homework." He retorts.

"What does that have to do with your advances?" She raises an eyebrow.

"Oh, I thought we were listing things that didn't matter." He laughs slightly before Octavia pushes him away.

"Are you two ready?" Octavia asked her friends, ready to leave.

"Yeah." Rainbow and Vinyl say in unison.

"Maybe this strong, handsome colt should escort you ladies to where you are staying tonight." The same colt, backed by one of his friends, said.

"I think we're good." Rainbow sighed. The mares walked out of the sandwich joint and slowly started back to Ponyville, opting to catch a carriage.

"So, Octy, I didn't know you were seeing someone. Anyone we know?" Vinyl asked slyly.

"Yeah, tell us." Rainbow added.

"You may not know him, but he's the locksmith." Octavia said a light blush on her cheeks.

"Really? When did this start?" Vinyl then asked.

"A couple weeks ago." Octavia simply answers

"Locksmith...locksmith...The green stallion, right? Same mane and tail colors as Bon Bon?" Rainbow tapped her chin with a hoof.

"Yes, that's him." Octavia yawns.

"Oh, yeah. He's pretty cool." Rainbow says nonchalantly.

"So, uh, you two done anything yet?" Vinyl laughs at Octavia's red face.

"N-no!" Octavia says defensively.

"Oh my gosh, you totally have!" Rainbow laughs. "Such a naughty filly."

"I don't want to talk about this right now." Octavia says before looking out the window.

"Alright, alright. We should be back in Ponyville in twenty or so minutes." Vinyl sighs. After about five minutes, Rainbow speaks up:

"So...how is he in bed?" She snickers.

"Stop!" Octavia shouts. She then continues to mumble something.

"What was that?" Vinyl leans closer. She mumbles again. "We can't hear you!"

"*mumble mumble*...limping." Octavia looks away again.

"Limping? Why would you be limp, oh, OH." Vinyl and Rainbow's face reached a new shade of red. "Yeah...let's not talk about this anymore..."

The carriage was silent from then on.

Ponyville. Opening night of '20% louder'

The club had an interesting design. It was two sided, Vinyl had a side, and Octavia had a side. Vinyl's side had all the wubs and such, and Octavia's side was classy and refined, with her playing with her group. Both sides were completely sound proofed. Rainbow Dash worked security with a small group of bouncers.

They decided to put the statue in the lounge separating the two area's, where all would see. In the first night, someone tried to tag the statue, Rainbow had one of her bouncers take him out back, no cameras. It was going flawlessly.

"So this is the club? Looks nice." Twilight marveled at the statue, her and the rest of the girls decided to go see their friend's new job.

"Like the statue?" Rainbow asked her purple friend.

"It's neat, know anything about it?" Twilight asked.

"Not really. Anyways, which side are you going to?" Rainbow asked.

"Which side is which?" Pinkie bounced.

"Left is Octavia's and right is Vinyl's." Rainbow pointed to the signs.

"I'd enjoy some sophistication." Rarity stepped to the left.

"I-is it quiet in Octavia's side?" Fluttershy asked quietly.

"Yeah. It's pretty quiet. The door price is ten bits for entry but I can give you all a discount, so, about four bits." Rainbow read of her clipboard. Rarity, Fluttershy, and Twilight entered Octavia's room while Pinkie and Applejack went to Vinyl's.

"I can't say I prefer this kinda music, but it better than that classical racket." AJ observed the flashing lights.

"I like it! But I wonder when the Deadlock will cut?" Pinkie walked up to the bar.

"Whats a 'Deadlock'?" Applejack asked her cotten-candy maned friend.

"It's a neat ability! I've only seen one of the characters on My Little Human use it though, it's were I recognized it from!" Pinkie bounced.

"I don't see what you human-lovers see in that show." AJ whispered to herself, ordering a drink.

Octavia's side

"Well this is nice!" Twilight looked all around herself.

"The decor is just fabulous!" Rarity swooned. "And the ponies! So refined! It's hard to believe we are literally a wall from such a loud and dirty place." Rarity sat on one of the chairs, star-eyed.

"It's nice and quiet, and no mean ponies bumping into me!" Fluttershy squee'd.

Three hours later

.

The girls on both sides of the club had their fun, and alcohol, before screaming was heard. "OMG WHAT THE BUCK IS THAT THING?!?!" A random valley-pony screamed. The music was cut on both sides and everyone ran towards the lobby.

The girls, including Vinyl and Octavia, got to the middle of the crowd and saw what happened. The statue had cracked open and something fell out. Fluttershy squeaked and fainted at the sight, there was a lot of blood around the creature.

"I-I-I think i-it's dead!" Twilight stammered. Rainbow went to poke it when she had the scare of her life. The creature flipped to its back and arched, gasping for air.  Almost everyone screamed. It started flailing around, seemingly to find something. It pulled out a glowing red needle and jabbed it into it's arm. It stopped shaking as much and the hole in it's head closed.

"Is it...is it dead?" Pinkie's mane was straight. It coughed up a small amount of blood.

"No...I think it's uncon-" Twilight was bowled over by an impulse. The creature was standing now, a device on it's arm was beeping quickly.

"E99 levels are off the charts..." It said quietly.

"Um, hello? Are you all right?" Vinyl asked the creature quietly.

"I think I'll be fine talking pony thing. Wait. Talking pony thing.*THNCK*" The creature fell limp once more.

"Was it something I said?" Vinyl sat, confused.

AUTHOR'S NOTES

This chapter took nearly a week to make! I had fun every minute though!

Oh.

And yes, Octavia's coltfriend is a SHAMELESS self-insert of my OC. Won't hear much of him though, just needed a name.

Renko

After Renko passed out, the girls started moving him to the Fluttershy's cottage so she could fix him up, if they brought him to the hospital he could be taken for experimentation. Rarity, Vinyl, and Twilight carried him in their magic.

"If this is what I think it is, Lyra is going to flip out!" Vinyl snickered. Twilight glared at her.

"Now is not the time for jokes!" She half-shouted.

"What an awful outfit! Such bad coloring, the red could be moved to better areas and is completely unneeded!" Rarity rolled her eyes.

Fluttershy's cottage.

Renko had been set in a spare bed Fluttershy had and left to rest while the rest of them met in her living room. "What do you think it is?" Octavia asked.

"Looks like a human from Lyra's favorite show." Vinyl answered. Twilight was writing down some previous observations on a note-pad. "It said something about something called E99. Twilight, do you know what that is?" Vinyl turned to the librarian.

"E99 is the chemical form of our magic, it's a chemical in everything. The dormant magic in Pegasi and Earth ponies is 'living' E99. The usable magic Unicorns use is 'dominant' E99, making it able to be manipulated." Twilight stated, not taking her eyes off the paper. "That's the simple way to put it."

"It said that the E99 levels were off the charts, why would that need acknowledgement? Is it dangerous? ARE WE GOING TO BLOW UP?!" Vinyl looked frantic.

"Girls, shush!" Fluttershy called. "It needs to rest."

"Sorry." Vinyl looked down.

"Everything is fine, E99 or 'magic' levels are stable." Twilight dipped her quill. Fluttershy made her way back to where the rest of them were sitting.

"The poor baby, it was so scratched up and bitten, what could be so mean?" Fluttershy sighed. "I gave it some strong painkillers and bandages, but it won't be awake tonight."

"So...the red spots were...b-blood?" Rarity face grew pale...er.

"Yes." Fluttershy answered quietly hanging her head down.

"Oh...dear." Rarity swallowed heavily.

"I want to know what was in his needle! He had a hole the size of my hoof in his head, and when he injected himself with it it just disappeared!" Twilight wrote down names of medicines with similar effects. "If we could mass-produce it, just think of the possibilities!"

"Twilight, calm down, we need you to pop a gasket." Rainbow chimed.

Other room.

'Am I...alive? How? What were those things I saw? Ponies?' Renko opened his eyes, wincing at the intense colors. 'I must be dead, I mean, I shot myself.' He leaned up and noticed all the bandages. "Oh...my head..."

"Just think of the possibilities!" He heard a feminine voice call out from another room.

"I guess I should go thank my nurse." When he took the blanket off, he noticed something... peculiar. "Where the fuck are my clothes?" He looked around the room, spotting his boxers, at least those are here..." He put them on quickly and opened the door a crack. "Nothing? I could have sworn I heard someone." He got down low and started walking slowly. "Yes! Pants!" He cheered silently as he put them on. "They're...clean?" He checked the holster and his Centurion was there as well.

"Um, Twilight, do you know what this is?" He heard a softer voice ask before something metal was set on the ground. "I found it on the poor thing's arm."

"Oh shit, she has the TMD!" Renko ran out of the room, knocking a door of it's hinges in his rush. He made it to the living room where the ponies sat and yank the TMD out of a purple aura. "Don't touch that. Where is your owner? Miss? You shouldn't leave electronics for your pets to snack on!" He shouted.

"Owner? We aren't slaves!" Rainbow shouted. Renko turned around quickly.

"Who said that?" He said quietly.

"Down here!" Rainbow glared at him. Renko looked down and saw the rainbow maned pony glaring at him. "We don't have owners! Are you a slave driver or something?!"

"T-talking....ponies...And I guess next you'll tell me you have magic and can fly." He sighed. Rainbow got up into the air and Twilight lifted up her paper. "Of course..."

"Lyra is going to freak!" Vinyl snickered again. Renko put the TMD on his arm and checked it for damage, it was fine.

"If you don't mind me asking, what are you?" Twilight dipped her quill again.

"Human, now if you don't mind me asking, where the hell am I?" Renko asked the purple pony.

"Where else would you be? Equestria of course." Twilight scribbled something on her paper.

"Well, technically, I should be six feet under. But, I was in Katoraga-12 not even ten minutes ago." Renko looked out of a window, the sun was just starting to rise.

"What do you mean 'six feet under'?" Vinyl asked the shirtless soldier.

"Dead, not living, on the other side, whacked, ended, need anymore terms?" He listed off sarcastically.

"Okay then..." Vinyl scowled at the soldier.

"Do you have a name?" Fluttershy asked in her calm tone.

"Captain Nathaniel Renko." He answered. "Also, where is my shirt?"

"It's washing. There was a lot of blood on it, do you mind if I ask what caused you injuries?" Fluttershy pointed to all the bandages.

"Various...creatures." Renko answered simply. He sighed. "Ffuuucck, what am I going to do? I'm supposed to be dead, and yet I'm sitting in a room with talking ponies. This is just grand..."

"Before we do anything, you need to speak to Princess Celestia." Twilight summoned Spike, who was holding an emerald in his maw.

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT!" Renko jumped back. "IS THAT A FUCKING DRAGON?!?!"

"Baby dragon." Twilight said, writing something on a different piece of paper. "Spike, send it if you please." She held the paper out in front of the little dragon, who swallowed the gem, and he lit it on fire.

"She said send it, not burn it!" Renko eyed the dragon.

"The flames are magic, duh. It gets sent that way." Spike rolled his eyes.

"I didn't know that." Renko sighed. "This place is so weird!"

"How do you think we feel? We were just having fun at our new club and my, very expensive, statue disappears and leaves you, a tall, bipedal monkey who is concerned about his dumb watch." Vinyl explains.

"This is not just a dumb watch! With the amount of E99 everywhere, this 'watch' is the most powerful...tool, yeah, tool ever!" Renko argues.

...

"And I'm not a monkey!" He adds. A bright light fills the room, taking all in it away, all the way to Canterlot, the castle specifically. "What the fuck just happened?"

"Please, do not use such language." A loud, but calm, voice rang. Renko turned to the source and saw

A GIANT FUCKING PRINCESS PONY

"Now, Twilight, why do you need me? It was almost cake-time." The princess pony looked...sad.

"Princess Celestia, this creature claims to be a 'Human', do you know anything about humans?" Twilight asked her mentor.

"Wait before any questions are asked, what are all of your names?" Renko asked the group.

"Rainbow Dash"

"Ah'm Applejack."

"I'm Pinkie Pie!"

"Fluttershy."

"Rarity."

"The name is Vinyl Scratch."

"I am known as Octavia Philharmonic."

"Twilight Sparkle."

"Good, now you may ask questions." Renko shut his mouth.

"I have heard of humans, yes, they went extinct when I was just a filly though. Where did you come from, Nathan?" Celestia turned to the still shirtless Captain.

"I don't know, Vinyl said I fell out of her statue, But I was on an island, a burning building specifically, not even thirty minutes ago." Renko explained again.

"What were you doing on that island?" Celestia then asked.

"That's on a need to know basis and you don't need to know." Renko glared at the marble colored Princess.

"I am the ruler of an entire nation, I think I'm entitled to know." Celestia glared back.

"Fine. I was on a mission to check some odd readings." Renko tried to end it there, but Celestia's glare told him she knew there was some more. "When we got near though...our helicopter was knocked from the sky...we crashed...Only me and another soldier named Devlin survived. We...we were separated. I made my way into a large building. After walking around for a bit, everything changed.

An odd blue wave flowed through the building, when it passed, everything was on fire, there was screaming, so much screaming. I started running. People behind glass were trying desperately to break it so they could escape the blaze, I watched them cook before my eyes, their screams were deafening. I tried to help them, I did! But I couldn't some were smashed, some were gored on debris. I kicked open a door and saw a...man." Renko said 'man' as if it were rotten. "A man fall through the floor, I got him out of there, but I heard someone shouting at me, he told me to stop, not to let the man live. I thought him crazy at the time, but he shot at me, he missed and got smashed.

I sat the man down at a bust of another man's head, right before everything changed back, but everything was different. The bust had changed to the man I saved holding something, and things had moved around. I left the building and entered a small town, that's when things get really creepy, I started seeing ghost-like figures. After a while I found Devlin, but not after finding hostiles, tall, lanky creatures, ate flesh and remains. I found Devlin and we moved on, we found a radio tower with lots of ammo and tried to contact base, it was fruitless. Some Russians showed up and opened fire, we tried to hold our ground, but we were quickly overtaken. We fled down a maintenance shaft, Devlin made it farther than I, I was knocked unconscious by the butt of a Russian's rifle.

When I woke up, Devlin was being interrogated by the man I saved in the fire, which I learned, happened over fifty years ago. Devlin tried to be strong, to maintain his cool. His efforts earned him an execution. I would have had the same fate if not for a friend, Katheryn her name was, she and a small group of her partners started firing at the Russians and gave me an oppertunity to escape. I fled into a building, being chased by maybe hundreds of the Russians, all of them shooting at me.

I escaped and learned that the man I saved, his name was Demichev, had quickly risen to power, reducing the entire planet to hard times. After a while I got a device called the TMD, or Time Manipulation Device. I was told to guard it with my life. Many more monster were discovered and killed, along with Russians. I met a Doctor named Barisov, I did various tasks for him, all to try and stop Demichev. In the end, I went back in time and tried to blow up a massive tower, one Demichev was trying to use to keep humanity in slavery and give him unlimited power.

After placing the bomb fifty years ago, I returned, only to find the tower was still standing, Demichev had rebuilt it. He had Barisov on his knees with a gun to his head. After arguing for several minutes, he gave me a choice, kill Barisov and rule with him, kill them both, or...the best choice...kill myself.

I went back to the burning building and saw myself carrying Barisov, I was the one who was shouting in the beginning. I had to shoot myself to stop Demichev from taking over the world. And I did. I died and woke up in Fluttershy's cottage. And now I'm here" Renko took a breath as his story reached it's conclusion. "And that, is why I was in a burning building."

"Wow...just wow." Celestia's jaw hung open, along with the rest of the girls. "What did these creatures look like?" She asked. Renko pulled out a small camera and tossed it to her. The images on it sickened her:

ZEK

ZEK KING

MUTANT

PHASE TICK

"There were more hostiles, but I only had time to snap those pictures." Renko simply stated.

"I...I don't know what to say. I mean, I would probably be able to send you back if you were still alive, but you died. You're stuck here. I'm sorry." Celestia tossed the camera back. "I could probably change you into a pony if you want."

"How about no." Renko responded quickly. "If I'm going to stay here, like I have a choice, where would I work? I'd need money to buy a home."

"That's not up to me. I can only hope my little ponies will help you get used to life here in Equestria." Celestia looked at the group of ponies. "Will you accept his friendship?"

"Wait friendship? I didn't agree to th-!"

"Yes, we'll try to help him." Twilight nodded to her mentor. Renko sighed.

"OH! You can work with me!" The pink party pony suggested quickly.

"Ehhh...I'll think about it." Renko looked away from the hyperactive pony, who was saying something about parties and baking. He leaned in close to Twilight "For the love of god, I'll clean toilets if I have to, just don't make me work with her." He whispered.

"It's alright, we'll find something" Twilight whispered back. Another bright flash and they were back in Fluttershy's cottage.

Back in Canterlot

"For my sake, she can never let me have cake-time." Celestia sighed as she levitated a small piece of cake from the kitchen.

And back again

"Mr. Renko, your shirt should be done by now, let me go get it for you." Fluttershy trotted into another room.

"So...what now? Now that I know I'm stuck here, what is there to do?" Renko sighed deeply, accepting defeat.

"I know something we can do..." Vinyl smiled deviously.

"Vinyl! It's his first day here! At least give him time to get used to the idea!" Octavia was red-faced.

"What? What do you mean- OOH! NO! THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEAN'T! I meant go make Lyra freak the buck out!" Vinyl's face was crimson red.

Renko eyed them with a puzzled look, he went wide-eyed before he realized what Octavia meant. Fluttershy returned with the shirt and Renko put it on, basking in that heavenly warm feeling that cloth gets from the dryer. "Why would this 'Lyra' freak the fuck out?" He asked.

"Humans are the main creatures from her favorite TV show, seeing her would probably make her life." Vinyl explained, snickering.

"I could use a good laugh, let's do that. It's not like I have anything else to do." Renko looked at his gloved palms, they were shacking a tiny bit. He stood and walked out with Octavia and Vinyl, leaving the rest of the girls to talk.

Ponyville

Renko was quiet the whole walk, listening to the ponies he passed.

"What is that thing?

It looks so stupid!

I bet I could kick it's ass

So ugly

He sighed deeply, his fists clenched. "Calm down, Nathan, they'll get used to you eventually." Octavia whispered. They went to the back of Lyra and Bonbon's house and briefed Nathan.

"Okay, she might be reading or practicing her lyre. We'll knock on the door and when she opens the door she'll either faint, or have a heart attack." Vinyl snickered.

"You must be a good friend, making one of your friend's dream come true." Renko smiled slightly.

"Oh! And one more thing, when you get the chance, tell her 'We know you fap to us'." Vinyl had to cover her muzzle.

"What does that mean?" He asks.

"You'll find out eventually." Octavia sighed. The quietly walked to the front door and knocked. A pleasant strumming inside stopped and hoof-steps could be heard coming towards the door. Nathan stood off to the side, where he wouldn't immediately be seen.

"Oh, hey Vinyl, hey Octavia." A sweet voice chimed happily.

"Hey, hey Lyra...would you mind reminding me what your life's goal is?" Vinyl asked, perfect pokerface.

"To meet a human, why do you ask?" Lyra looked puzzled. Vinyl waved and Nathan stepped into frame. "EEEEEEEEEEEE" She squealed. "YOU! ARE NATHAN! RENKO! Omygoshohmygoshohmygosh! I am talking to a real life human! How did you get-" Lyra's speech was interrupted by Nathan

"We know you fap to us." He said quietly. Lyra's face turned from one of glee, to one of horror and shame.

"OHMYGOSH I'M SO SORRY! I-I-I-I-I-I DON'T KNOW, I WAS JUST-" Nathan silenced her. 'She seems upset...what should I say...'

"It's alright, I like it." He said unknowingly. Lyra's face changed emotion once more, she got the bedroom eyes.

"OKAY NATHAN YOU HAVE SAID ENOUGH, BYE LYRA WE WILL TALK TO YOU LATER!" Octavia dragged Nathan and Vinyl away. Once they were away from the green unicorn, Nathan turned to Vinyl.

"Vinyl, what the fuck did I just say? Why did she get that look, Vinyl, what the fuck did I just say I liked?" Nathan looked irritated.

"Your stay here is going to be a lot more fun, let's just say that." Vinyl had tears running down her face from laughing.

"I can't shake the feeling like something really, really bad is going to happen." Renko sighed, defeated.

AUTHOR'S NOTES

What will happen? Will Renko be accidentally raped? Will everyone get the wrong idea?

Find out all this and more in chapter three!

Also, the ship has changed.

Something Something Chapter Name

Vinyl's chest hurt due to all the laughing. Renko was still pretty confused. "Can you please tell me what the fuck I said?" Renko pleaded.

"F-f-fine." Vinyl snickered. "You said you liked...her fapping. Meaning she masturbates to Rule-34 Human pictures. AND YOU SAID YOU LIKED IT! AHAHAHAHAHAHA" Vinyl fell over again. "She-she is probably at home, thinking of ways to get you into her bed- AHAHAHAHAHA"

"You...are a cunt." Renko pointed to the white coated DJ. He swallowed heavily. "I'm here a fuckin' day and some green magic pony probably wants to fuck me!" Renko face-palmed.

"The look on her face was priceless!" Vinyl started coughing.

Lyra's house, two hours later.

"Bonbon! Bonbon!" Lyra started bouncing when her long time best-friend walked in the door.

"What?" Bonbon looked depressed.

"I got to talk to a human! I spoke to a human!" Lyra hugged her friend.

"Jeez Lyra, I told you already, those Equi-net things are fake, it was probably some dirty colt." Bonbon scoffed.

"I wasn't on the Equi-net! I talked to him in person! Vinyl and Octavia brought him here!" Lyra bounced some more after letting go of her friend.

"Really now? That's nice." She frowned. "I think I'm going to go take a nap."

"What's wrong?"

"It's Pokey, I think he's seeing another mare." Bonbon sniffed, taking a seat on the soft couch.

"What makes you think that?" Lyra climbed onto the couch with her.

"He's distant, doesn't do anything with me anymore, and doesn't even talk to me!"

"I'm sure nothings wrong, maybe he's planning something special?" Lyra patted her friend's back.

"The other day he called me Lily." Bonbon hung her head.

"You want me to get Pinkie to do recon?" Lyra asked quietly.

"No...Maybe...." Bonbon smiled a little, knowing of Pinkie's amazing stealth skills.

"C'mon I know how to cheer you up! Let's go get you so- Wait. Why would Pokey want to see another mare? I mean, you're gorgeous!"

"He is a flank guy, my flanks are just so small..." Bonbon looked back at her rear.

"Your flanks are fine. Mine on the other hoof are just flesh and bone." Lyra smirked before frowning a little. "Now, let's go cheer you up. Ice cream is on me!" Lyra picked up her friend in her green aura.

"Put me down!"

Twilight's Tree, same time

"So, what can it do?!" Twilight was visibly shaking with excitement.

"Say you have a door you need to knock down, you can A: Use an Impulse, " Twilight agreed to let Nathan use anything for his examples, even if it meant some stressed repairs. Nathan used an Uber-Impulse, the result of the latest TMD upgrade station, and sent things flying everywhere, everything. Except Twilight of course, using her magic to keep her self stationary. "the force literally rips things apart, such as...creatures. I have toned it down as much as possible to keep you all safe."

"And...?!" Twilight quickly jotted some notes down, her mane getting frizzy.

"B: you could age it, " Nathan aged Twilight's desk and reversed it, "it works on anything with E99 in it, in this case, " He pointed the time controlling gauntlet at the purple mare, her eyes going wide as saucers "ponies." He lifted her up with the gravity manipulation feature and swung her around a bit. He sat her down after she grew slightly greener. "I'd uh...show the the Revert system...but..."

"SHOW ME SHOW ME SHOW ME SHOW ME!!! I'm am soooo close right now!" Twilight laughed wickedly.

"I can't! If I want to use it, it requires a person to Revert! It would kill whoever is on the receiving end, and change them into a monster." Nathan looked at the mare. "What do you mean 'close'?"

"Nothing. I'm sorry. Before it gets too late, you should go see Rarity so she can get your measurements."

"Uh, sure." Nathan Left the library and shut the door quietly behind him. He briskly walked walked away when he heard various...vibrations and something panting 'Science'.

He walked into a random alley and sat for a second. "Jesus, Nathan. What the fuck went wrong?" He asked quietly.

"Hey, freak, give me your watch!" A blue colt with a cutie mark of a safety pin ordered.

"Fuck off, not in the mood for your shit." Nathan sighed before the blue colt pounced on him and tried to rip the TMD off of his wrist with his magic. He must have hit some unseen button causing him to get launched off.

"What the fuck!" He shouted before running off, glowing slightly.

"Fuckin' asshole..." Nathan murmured before starting towards Rarity's, thankfully Twilight gave him a basic rundown of where everything is. He spotted the frilly building and died a little on the inside. "Oh god..." He made his way to the building and spotted the 'Open' sign before walking in.

"Yes, hello and welcome to Rarity's boutique, anythin- Oh! Mr. Renko, I assume you are here so I can get your measurements?" Rarity chirped.

"I guess?" Nathan was trying not to vomit at all the frilly, bouncy, and overly shiny dresses.

"Good! Now, I've never worked on a Biped before, so you'll have to strip everything off." She magic'd some tape measures over.

"Can't I at least keep my boxers on?" Nathan swallowed heavily.

"I'm sorry, but if you want it done right, everything needs to come off. You don't want something to be too tight or too loose do you?" Rarity made a face of mock disgust.

"Fffine. If you say anything to anyone, I'll age you to dust." He hissed before starting to strip. He got down to his boxers and crossed his arms.

"Everything, Mr. Renko." Rarity dully repeated. "What's the problem?"

"Well, I kinda need close to cover my Guy." Nathan bluntly stated.

"Your...Guy? Oh, OH. You don't have a sheath?" Rarity cocked her head.

"Nope." Nathan sighed before removing his boxers.

"Oh, oh my..." Rarity covered her mouth with a hoof.

"I said don't say anything!" Nathan angrily repeated.

"I'd imagine you aren't exactly...outmatched, when it comes to intercourse?" Rarity smirked.

"I'm not afraid to kill, I hope you know that."

"Oh hush, it was a compliment!" Rarity laughed. She took measures from the top moving down. "May I ask how old you are?"

"Twenty-four."

"Really now? You don't look it, I'd say you look around Twenty, maybe."

"Great, first you comment on the size of my Guy, and now how old I look, what's next? What size guard I use when I get a haircut?"

"I'm guessing a two on everything but the middle, where you use a three."

"....Shut up."

Some time later

"If you come back tomorrow I'll have your suit-" Rarity was interrupted.

"I don't wear suits, is it possible I could just get a plain black hoodie and jeans?" Nathan suggested

"I could, but jeans are so out of season! And the hoodie won't really fit your shape, and, and-"

"It's fine." Nathan sighed.

"One more thing, Dearie? Would you mind telling which way you hang?" Rarity had a notepad. "It's a normal question for my Biped models."

"...Right. WAIT. I thought you said you've never had a Biped!" A realization struck him. "You, madam, are a cunt." He pointed at the alabaster mare before walking backwards out the door.

'Where to now?' He looked at the bell tower. 'Seven in the evening. I guess I should find a place to sleep for the night.' He spotted a can-fire behind a ginger-bread house looking building and walked towards it, spotting several dirty and sick looking ponies, both mares and colts.

"Mom! Look, a monster!" A foal looked fearfully at Nathan, pointing a shaking hoof.

"Calm down, I have no intent to harm you." Nathan calmly stated. "Do you mind if I sit with you?"

"Uh, sure." An older looking colt nodded. Nathan sat opposite of the ponies. "What brings you to our cozy camp?"

"First day here, nowhere to go." Nathan shrugged. "Even on my first day, I fuck up, I fuck up everywhere. Now some crazy pony broad wants to bed me, I caused the librarian to get hot under the collar with science, and the dress maker lied and made me get completely naked. For you, this may be a really bad day, but for me, it's Monday." He sighed.

"Kid we're homeless, everyday is a bad day." The older colt laughed quietly.

"It's different." Nathan put his head in his hands. "Worse."

"How so? What exactly is worse than having to eat out of the garbage everyday, beg for bits, and sleep in the dirt?" A slightly younger stallion asked, glaring at the solider.

"Have you ever been knocked out of the sky, killing all of your friends? Gone through and killed thousand, because you needed to? Ever seen your friend get his head blown off because of something you did? Tell me, pony, have you ever gone back in time to fix the present? Have you had to kill mutated versions of your own species so they didn't kill you? Have you ever gone back in time and killed yourself to save billions of lives?" Nathan asked, stoic faced.

"Uh, no?" The stallion replied.

"That's what I thought. I went from that to this place in seconds. I just want a fuckin' break from it." Nathan sighed. He heard a foal crying. "What's wrong with her?"

"That's my daughter, Ruby Pinch, she got bit by Timber-wolves and I don't have enough bits to afford a hospital." A purple-ish mare with berries on her flank stated sadly.

"Move over, let the magic of whatever the hell is in this needle do it's work." Nathan pulled out a Stimpack but was pushed back by the mare.

"I'm not letting you inject anything into my daughter!" She protested.

"Here, take this, " He handed her the Centurion, "If anything goes wrong, point the end at my head and pull the trigger. That's how confident I am that this will work." The mare too the Centurion...somehow, and waited. He stuck the needle into the crying foal's foreleg and pushed the plunger. The thick fluid rushed in and covered the infected bite marks, cleaning and scarring them over.

*BANG*

She missed. "I said if something fucks up!"

"Sorry. What is in that, anyways?" The mare pointed to the know emptied needle.

"I have no idea, it works great on fixing wounds though." Nathan shrugs.

"What is your name?" The older colt asks.

"Nathan. I'm going to sleep in that corner now, maybe try and regain my hearing in the process. Touch my stuff and I'll Time Slap the shit out of you." Nathan retrieves his Centurion and goes to the designated corner.

Back at Bonbon and Lyra's

Pokey exited the bathroom once more after emptying his stomach for the eighth time. "Pokey, are you sure you don't need to go see a doctor? I mean, this isn't healthy at all." Bonbon looked at her colt-friend with a worried expression.

"I said I'm fine. It's probably just food poisoning." Pokey dismissed the suggestion with a wave of his hoof.

"Okay. But if you need it, don't be afraid to tell me." Bonbon slid over and let her colt-friend take his position as big spoon before engulfing the door in his blue aura and shutting it.

Back in the living room, Lyra sat at her desktop talking to some of her Human-Lover friends.

(Formatting changed to resemble internet chat)

Renki92: "So, LyreLiar, what is it you wanted to tell us?"

Lyreliar: "You won't believe it! I spoke to a real life human!"

20%Cooler: "I saw him too. Are you in Ponyville?"

Lyreliar: "Yeah! Where did you see him? Some of my friends brought him right to my house!"

Renki92: "Pics or it didn't happen."

Sidelong: "^"

LyreLiar: "Give me two days and I'll have the pictures, maybe 20%Cooler could be in the picture as well!"

20%Cooler: "Sure! I mean, if that's okay."

WoonaTuna entered Chat!

Renki92: "Hey Woona."

WoonaTuna: "Hey Renki. Lyre, Cooler, you've seen the human?"

LyreLiar: "Yeah! Here in Ponyville."

20%Cooler: "I had to bandage him and clean some of his wounds."

WoonaTuna: "He was in the Castle yesterday."

LyreLiar: "Alright, I have to get off for now, it's getting late. If you want in on the picture, Cooler, wear a Purple flower in your mane so i can identify you."

20%Cooler: "Alright, this will be so fun!"

Renki92: "Goodnight, Lyre."

WoonaTuna: "Sleep well in our night."

LyreLiar has Left the Chat!

Lyra closed her tabs, some being various Rule-34 images. Some containing Nathan.... And shut down her Desktop before going to her room to sleep.

The Kickening.

Nathan woke to the smell of trash and sorrow. A smell that seemed so common to him back on Katorga.

'Gear? Check. Signs. Stiff elbow, what did that one mean again? Whatever. No growling. Good. Aaaaalllll safe.' Nathan stood and cracked his back before looking around. 'I haven't moved. Good. Lets seeee...When did that alley get pink, frilly, and start smelling of baked goods? Wait...'

"This isn't a hobo infested alley!" He shouted a little to loudly. He heard hoof-steps and a door open

"Oh! Goodie! You all awake now! Now I can tell you about how I saw you sleeping in that alley and thought 'I shouldn't let him just sleep in the cold!' and then I moved you here! Not before bringing some of your friends some food of course though! And when I put you in the bed...."

Nathan stopped listening and started nodding like he cared.

Half an hour later. Ten minutes from putting a bullet through his brain.

"And that's how Equestria was made!" Pinkie smiled.

"Jesus .H Titty-fucking Christ, it's over. I could understand that you wanted to explain why I was in your bed and all...But the history lesson was unneeded. And also, if I was in your bed, where did you sleep?" Nathan asked the energetic party pony.

"I didn't! I don't have much time to explain, but my Pinkie sense is telling me something bad is going to happen, like Oh my Celestia level." Pinkie's face became serious for a moment. Nathan perked up when he heard a shrill scream coming from Twilight's tree.

"Sorry, PInkie, I gotta go." Nathan jumped from the small, second-story window and landed with a rough roll before dashing towards the library. 'I remember what stiff elbow means. *Zek*.

An hour earlier.

Bonbon woke to an empty feeling, the feeling she'd get when Pokey left before she woke up. She turned to see if he was there and saw...something. He was see-through, little wisps of some gas rising from him.

"Pokey?!" She screamed. He jumped awake.

"Whats wrong?!" He shouted, looking around the room for any trouble.

"Look at yourself!" She pointed him to a mirror, he walked over to it and went slack-jawed at the sight. He could still be physically touched thankfully, but everything else was all wrong. See through, vapory, his eyes glowing a neon blue.

"Wha-...what happened to me...?" He felt dizzy.

"I don't think a Doctor will help. We need to see Twilight." Bonbon threw a small banket over Pokey and pulled him through the house and out the door.

They quickly made their way to Twilight's, avoiding attention. When they reached the tree Bonbon quickly banged on the door.

"Whaaaaatttt?" A tired voice called from inside, Twilight's.

"Twilight, let us in, now." Bonbon's voice was shaky. Twilight hurried down the stairs and opened the half-door (Is it still a half-door? Has it changed?)

"Bonbon? What's wrong? Its...Seven in the morning." Twilight was pushed aside as Bonbon pulled the cloaked-Pokey through the small door.

"Twilight, we need your help."

Bonbon pulled the blanket.

Twilight scream could have been heard from Stalliongrad.

Present morning-ish. Like, two...maybe three minutes after we left Nathan to go on that cut-away. Why am I explaining this to you? You're smart, figure it out.

Nathan kicked the door open and un-holstered his Centurion. "Where is it?!" He shouted. Bonbon, Pokey, and Twilight looked at him, a look of confusion spread across their faces.

"Where is what?" Twilight broke the silence.

"The Zek! I know one is here!" Nathan locked eyes with Pokey. "What happened to him?"

"I don't know! He was very sick last night, he came home with some bruises, and I woke up to see him like this!" Bonbon was teary-eyed.

"What is he to you?" Nathan had a look of frustration.

"My coltfriend! Why?! He is going to be okay, isn't he?!" Bonbon was frantic.

"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry..." Nathan pulled the hammer back and pointed it at the pony with the blanket over his head. 'Why is he so quiet?'

The blanket slipped off the ghost-y Stallion, only to reveal something far more horrific, a colt with a coat of shiny blue, cuts, growths, and tumors lined his deformed figure. His eyes were swollen, cut, and bleeding. His maw, which originally held blunt, flat teeth, was now home to rough, jagged, dagger-like teeth.

Pokey-Zek looked upon his savior with almost empty eyes.

"I'm sorry" Nathan repeated as he squeezed the trigger.

*BANG*

The barrel launched its metal blessing at the deformed skull of what was once a person, someone's lover, maybe even a friend to some. Within milliseconds, what was once Pokey, fell to the ground, limp and lifeless, purple blood pouring from the fist-sized hole in his broken skull.

"P-pokey...?" Bonbon nudged the corpse with a hoof. "What did you do to him...?"

"I rescued him." Nathan's hand was trembling.

"He's dead...isn't he?" Twilight looked at the Captain.

"Yes, I'm sorry, but he needed to be killed." Nathan holstered the weapon. "See, Twilight? That is the damn Revert functions you wanted to see so fuckin' badly."

"I see why you wanted to not show it..." Twilight looked down at the bleeding corpse once more before walking over to her table. Nathan turned the sobbing mare to face him.

"Look, I know it must be difficult, but there is no time to cry. You think I cried when I was shot to swiss cheese? Much more painful, that, " He pointed to Pokey-Zek's body, "was painless, he didn't even feel it. You think I cried when all my friends died? Or when I watched another friend get his head blown off? No, I didn't, but believe me, I wanted to, I wish I could go back and switch places with him, he had a family, two kids and a husband. Besides, I saw him making out with some mare with some flower for her ass-tattoo. He even tried to mug me!" Nathan told the mare, she stopped sobbing when he told her of the mare with the flower Cutie Mark.

"He was seeing another mare...?" Bonbon asked the stone-faced man.

"Yep. Take that as initiative to move on. Are you okay if I dispose of the body?" Nathan put a hand on Bonbon's shoulder.

"Go...go ahead...I need a minute." Bonbon walked over to where Twilight was and left Nathan to do his thing. Nathan shot a beam of TMD energy at the corpse, causing it to wither into dust and get swept away by a stray gust of wind.

Two hours later

Bonbon had gone home soon after Pokey's remain's left the building. Nathan left to go see if Rarity had finished the outfit.

"Hey Rarity, do you have the clothes? I need to change." Nathan was still peeved at Rarity for tricking him into showing her his Guy.

"Yes, it is ready, dear. I decided to add a plain-white shirt with it, in case you get too warm in it. And if you don't mind me asking, would you have any idea what caused that extremely loud bang earlier?" Rarity magic'd the hoodie, jeans, and shirt to Nathan.

"You don't want to know." Nathan just left it at that. He quickly changed into the new outfit and left the boutique. "It's times like these...I wish I had a job."

"Nathan! Nathan! Come work with MEEEEE! Please, please, please, please, pleeeeaaassseee?" Pinkie appeared in his hood and gave him the puppy eyes.

"...I'll think about it." Nathan said quietly. Pinkie disappeared. "How do you do that?" He put his hands in the hoodie pocket and walked into the town's square, holster on his hip, TMD in his sleeve. He heard girly cheering and giggling and turned to the source, there, was Lyra with Fluttershy at an outside diner table. 'I guess Fluttershy decided to start wearing flowers in her hair? Er, mane?' He thought to himself.

"Oh! NATHAN!" Lyra called out, spotting the human. Nathan grumbled before changing his path to the sea-foam green mare's table.

"What do you need?" He asked, accidentally sounding a bit too aggressive.

"Oh, I'm sorry, were you busy? I mean, I could just ask later if you want." Lyra stammered.

"No, it's fine, I'm just... aggravated. Anyways, " Nathan took a seat at the table, "what do you need me for?"

"Let me explain, Fluttershy and I are Humares, fans of the show My Little Human: Science is Progress. Fluttershy and I are in a chat group with other Humares and I told them I met a real human, you. They didn't believe me or Fluttershy, so we want to get a photo with you. Would you...um...be willing to take a photo with us...?" Lyra asked, her voice cracking near the end of her explanation.

"Sure...why not? I've got nothing to do." Nathan pulled his hood down. "Let's get this over with."

"Yay!" Lyra shared a quick hoof-bump with Fluttershy before magic-ing a small camera from her bag. She and Fluttershy stood up on their hind legs and used Nathan as support. Lyra positioned the camera in front of the three and snapped the picture.

"Okay, I'll talk to you later?" Nathan turned around again. "I need a job..."

"I'm not exactly sure, but I think Vinyl is hiring bartenders. You could apply there if you need a job." Lyra suggested.

"I'll take a look at it." Nathan said quietly. "Maybe I could go see if Applejack needs any help. Anyways, see you later, tell your Humares I said hey." Nathan waved before walking off towards the farm. After a couple minutes of silent walking, he reached the sign that read 'Swwet Apple Acres'.

"AHHHHH!" A shrill scream filled his ears, it reminded him of a Revert. He drew his pistol and turned around pointing it at the source on instinct. He relaxed, seeing the source was only a filly with a large red bow in her hair. He holstered the pistol once more.

"Relax, relax, not going to harm you. I'm here to see your sister." Nathan got to eye level. "I may look scary, but i wouldn't hurt a fly." He lied. "Zek, Mutants, Reverts, Phase Ticks, Radion, and Kings, however, are not flies." He smiled.

"Ah don't know what any'a those are, but ma' sister should be in the east field, over there," She pointed to the east of course.  "But careful around Big Mac, he gets startled easily." Nathan patted her on the head before going to the east field. He heard things getting pounded and turned, he spotted the orange mare catching apples in her cart. He walked up behind her, without getting noticed.

"Hey Apple- Fuck!" He fell to the ground, clutching his shin.

"Don't startle me like that!" Applejack glared at the downed captain. He took a breath, trying to stand.

"And I thought Zek Kings hit hard. Applejack, I was wondering if you needed any help doing...apple stuff, I don't know. I just want to work." Nathan sighed. "Do you use steroids? Jesus Christ, like you took a Sledge and shot it from a cannon!"

"No, ah don't use 'roids. I could use help harvesting though, Big Mac got hurt again and Ah'm runnin' behind." Applejack turned away.

"So I guess I just pick the apples?" Nathan looked at a tree.

"You could do that, or you could just buck it." Applejack kicked a tree, causing the ripe apples to fall from their respective branches into the cart.

"I don't think bucking will work, seeing how I need my legs to stand." Nathan suddenly gets and idea. He balled his hands into a fist and threw a fast one at the sturdy apple tree. It hurt, yes, but the pain was bearable. The apples fell to the baskets and Nathan put on a small smile.

"There ya go! Just do that and we should be done in a couple hours." Applejack smiled. Nathan picked up some stray apples and tossed them in the cart before returning to the apple punching.

A couple hours later.

The two cleared most of the East Field by the time the sun started to set. "Ah Never asked, how are you liken' the town so far?" Applejack grunted, sending another kick into the jagged bark. The apples fell and Nathan sighed.

"I don't really know, I mean. Its nice and all, but I just don't know, I'm not used to being somewhere quiet. NOTHING happens! And...I'm happy about that." Nathan pounded the tree. He had long since wrapped his knuckles in duck-tape, to try and prevent cuts from the bark. "Just out of curiosity, how much does rent cost for an average home?"

"Well, Pinkie rents her room from the Cakes for two-hundred bits a month. 'Course, she works there, so they give'er a discount." Applejack answered simply.

"I see." Nathan took a deep breath. "Another thing. The air here is so fresh, back on Katorga, everything smelled like death, blood, gore, and fear. Here, its all apples, happiness, and leisure."

"What does happiness exactly smell like?" Applejack put on a small grin.

"A hell of a long way from gore." Nathan laughed slightly.

"Ah think we're done for today. Ya mind helpin' me bring the cart to the barn?" Applejack turns towards the barn in the distance.

"Sure." Nathan grabs the second cart and pulls it behind him. Applejack led the way.

"So, ah heard you spoke to Lyra, what did she do?" Applejack asked, laughing slightly.

"She kinda freaked out, well, her face didn't say anything, but I saw it in her eyes. That little spark of oh my fucking god you get when something you really want to happen happens. Vinyl, however, tricked me. She said I should say we know she faps to us. When I said that, she got...upset. And I uh...I said I...liked it." Nathan face-palmed again.

"Wow Nathan." Applejack laughed again. The two reached the barn and set the full carts on the inside. Applejack told Nathan to wait a minute while she got something from her home. She soon returned with a bag, she hoofed it to Nathan. "Ah don't have enough bits right now to pay you, so please, take some apples." Applejack tipped her hat.

"Uh, thanks." Nathan looked in the bag, surely enough, there were apples of all colors. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow." Nathan gave her a small nod before turning to leave. He walked to the gate and spotted a red colt staring off into the distance. "I'm guessing you're- SWEET MOTHER OF BABY JESUS!" He shouted, getting knocked back several feet from the colt's well placed, powerful kick.

And by well placed...

I mean testicles.

AUTHOR'S NOTES

Just thinking about that makes my crotch hurt!

That one Griffon bitch found a Rift.

Nathan woke to the sterilized smell of a hospital room. The sharp beeping from a Heart Monitor drilled into his head, he shifted, feeling tubes, needles, and what was probably an ice-pack move with him.

"I hate hospitals." He murmured.  He felt a sick feeling rising in his gut. "Ohfuckohfuckohfuck. Did that kick make me sterile?! NURSE! DOCTOR! JANITOR!" He shouted. A mare, colt, and older looking colt rushed into the room.

"What?! Whats wrong?!" The nurse and doctor stammered. The janitor just stood there, blank expression.

"Am I sterile?!" Nathan looked worried. The janitor snickered.

"What...? Oh, no, you are a very long ways away from being sterile. The more of the opposite...I can't think of the word though." The muffin-maned Doctor chuckled while the nurse glared at him. The janitor put on some headphones and left with his mop.

"What he's saying is, you're fine. We want to keep you for a couple weeks while your pelvis heals enough to use a wheel-chair though." The nurse, her name-tag saying 'Nurse Redheart', said in a quiet tone.

"Oh...well fuck that. You know where my bag is?" Nathan laughed for a moment, the nurse glared at him, shutting his ass up.

"I'll get it." The muffin-maned doctor left the white room.

"Listen Mr. Renko, your charts don't look good. There is a surplus of magic in your body, if you do not expel it somehow it can be dangerous. The effect M.O, or Magical-Overload, has on a normal pony can be as minor as a small coma, or as severe as disintegration, a very slow, very painful death." The nurse set a chart on the table next to the bed.

"Okay...on a scale of one to ten, how fucked am I? As in, the level of this 'M.O'" Nathan looked at the chart, confused by the medical mumbo-jumbo.

"To be honest, I'd say around....twelve." The nurse did the math in her head.

"Well shit. Anyways, what would the lethal level be on that same scale?" Nathan flipped a page.

"A little over six." The mare said sheepishly.

"WELL SHIIITTT. Moving on, any way to easily 'expel the excess magic'?" Nathan set the overly-confusing chart down.

"There are lots of ways, using a large amount of spells, doing physical work, self-stimulation, or we could just use Bog-Leeches to drain you to a safe level." Redheart explained. The doctor returned with Nathan's bag in his mouth. Nathan grabbed the bag and pulled out a Stimpack once more.

"I'm getting pretty low on these...I have, like, thirteen left." He said to himself. He jabbed the needle into his broken pelvis. He cupped his mouth with his hand to mute his scream.

"Oh my!" Nurse Redheart looked at the live x-ray, seeing the bone piece together perfectly. Nathan took a breath and stood, his legs shaking. He did some tests to make sure they were functional.

"And did you say 'self-stimulation'?" Nathan asked the nurse, pulling down his pony-sized patent gown.

"Reddy...did you tell him to go wank? I told you to stop suggesting that!" The doctor 'tsked' at the nurse.

"Its not like that!" The nurse stammered, getting red in the face. "He needs to expel his excess magic buildup so he can avoid M.O."

"I don't care what you meant. I feel fine." Nathan grumbled.

"Nathan, what did she say your rating on lethal-ness was?" The doctor turned to the patient.

"My rating was twelve while the lethal level is six." Nathan paraphrased the nurse's words from earlier.

"Did she account for the fact you have a natural resistance to M.O? Or the fact that you're bigger than the average pony and can hold more natural magic than normal? OR that M.O is only lethal to Pegasi and Unicorns? OR EVEN that you have an artificial anti-body eating away at the extra magic?" The doctor turned to the nurse, who was shying back.

"No, she didn't. I don't really care either, so I'll just take my clothes and go." Nathan looked around the room, spotting his clothes in a vacuum sealed bag. He changed from the gown in to his normal clothes. "I forgot to ask, how long have I been asleep?"

"Almost a week." The doctor shrugged. Nathan coughed, eyes wide.

"A WEEK?!" He half-shouted.

"No, nearly a week, there is a difference." The muffin-maned stallion chuckled. "If you come with me, we can finidh up your paperwork and you'll be out of here before you know it.

Four hours later. Sugar-cube Corner.

"Should we go see him? I mean, its been a day! A DAY! What if he got worse, or worse, GOT REALLY WORSE!" Pinkie stammered, her friends staring at her oddly.

"He's fine, Pinkie." Twilight dismissed her worries with a wave of her hoof. "Does anyone know where Fluttershy is?"

"I think she's been staying at Bonbon and Lyra's for the past couple days, something about consoling Bonbon about her dead dog or something." Rainbow answered bluntly.

"Ah still feel terrible, if ah had told Nathan to not sneak up on Mac, he wouldn't'a gotten hurt." Applejack sipped at her drink.

"It's not your fault, besides, from what Nathan has told me of Katorga, he'll be fine." Twilight patted the southern mare on the back.

"It's getting late, girls. Don't you think you should be heading home?" Mr.Cake's head popped from the kitchen.

"Sure thing Mr.Cake." Twilight yawned. "C'mon girls." Twilight and the girls stood, aside from Pinkie of course.

On the other side of town, nearly ten minutes later, Nathan walked alone, hoodie up. He passed a rather large building with a neon sign on the front, it read '20% louder'. "This is Vinyl's club? It looks so...plain." He said to himself. He opened the heavy door and latched it behind himself. He spotted the rainbow-maned bouncer and put his hood down.

"Nathan! Good to see you're not dead. How're your Boys? Big Mac break 'em?" Rainbow walked over to the captain.

"No, they're fine. I was told you guys were hiring." Nathan looked around.

"Yeah, both sides need a bartender, which position you want to try for?" Rainbow pulls a clipboard from a small saddlebag near one of the doors.

"Which one pays better?" Nathan asks the cyan meat shield.

"They pay the same. Vinyl's side is dubstep, techno, that stuff. Anything with a lot of bass. Octavia's side is all classical and junk, so boring. But that's just my opinion." Rainbow explained, looking for a pencil.

"I guess I'd like to apply for Vinyl's side."

"Have you had any past experience with bar tending?" Rainbow found her pencil.

"Not really, but seeing how a pony is sneaking into a Side, " Nathan grabbed the pony with the TMD, "you didn't see that. I feel I'd make a better bouncer than a bar-jockey." Nathan released the pony into the custody of some security stallions.

"I'll think about it, but we really need bar tenders right now, do you know how to make basic drinks?" Rainbow drilled.

"Yeah, I'm American, I speak fluent alcohol." Nathan joked. Rainbow looked at him oddly

"...You can talk to alcohol...?" She asked quietly.

"That was uh...a joke." Nathan sighed.

"Okay. We don't have many choices, so go ahead and get behind the bar and start serving, we're as crowded as the Cakes' bakery on Pinkie's birthday!" Rainbow pushed him through a door. His ears were instantly bombarded by wubs. WUBS AS POWERFUL AS THE SUN!

Or, in a non-insane analogy; Powerful enough to rattle his bones.

"Oh m-m-m-my-y-y-y fuc-k-k-k-king g-g-o-d-d" His head involuntarily bobbed. After a minute or two, he grew used to the wubs.

He spotted the bar and made his way, his progress being slowed by the massive crowd of thirsty ponies. He vaulted the bar, causing the current bar tender to panic. "CALM DOWN!" He had to shout over the music "I'M YOUR NEW PARTNER!" He added, unconsciously making drinks for the ponies.

"THAT'S GREAT! MY NAME IS MINT SCHNAPPS! YOU CAN CALL ME MINT!" The mare called back. "THESE PONIES ARE COMING TOO FAST! WE NEED MORE BAR TENDERS!"

An idea struck Nathan, he pulled his left sleeve back, revealing the TMD. He pressed a button with his wrist and some blue sparks flew from the TMD before a blue sphere, he fired the massive Deadlock at the crowd and they paused. "DEADLOCK, WE'VE GOT TWO MINUTES. WORK FAST." Nathan quickly made several drinks and placed them in front of their respective buyers. Mint did the same. The Deadlock shut-down and the ponies took their drinks and left, it shaved the crowd down quickly.

Nathan repeated this multiple times, quickly clearing the bar. "THAT WAS TOO EASY! LIKE SHOOTING ZEK IN THEIR SLOW FUCKING FACES!" Nathan laughed.

"WHAT WAS THAT SPELL? YOU HAVE TO TEACH ME!" Mint shined her horn, which was hiding in her mane.

"WASN'T A SPELL, IT WAS SCIENCE!" Nathan flashed the TMD. "THIS THING DOES IT, NOT MAGIC. WELL, YEAH, E99 IS THE CHEMICAL FORM OF YOUR MAGIC, BUT THAT ISN'T THE POINT."

"I SEE." Mint shouted casually. "THE FIRST FEW HOURS ARE THE MOST HECTIC. IT GETS MUCH CALMER AROUND THE BAR WHEN THE STARTER CROWD CLEARS UP."

"THAT'S GOOD I GUESS" Nathan shrugged.

After a while, the clock read Three AM. The music started to die down and ponies started heading home. Vinyl, Octavia, and Rainbow Dash sat in a VIP booth counting profits while Mint, Nathan, the electrician Kilo-watt Hour, and the janitor Scruffy did the menial work. Cleaning, washing booths, and checking for electrical hazards. "We've made about..five...six...seven thousand bits this week. A bit more than usual I'd say." Vinyl magic'd a black lock-box and put most of the bits, leaving an even twenty-one hundred to split between the seven for the week.

"Bars clean, glasses cleared, booths shimmering. Everything clean. Not bad for a first day, Nathan." Mint nudged her new friend.

"I guess so. Fuck I'm tired." Nathan yawned. Vinyl waved the crew over.

"Nathan! When did you get out of the hospital? Are your Boys all right-OW!" Vinyl grasped her shoulder after Octavia punched her.

"You don't just go around and ask people if their testicles are all right! Its disturbing!" Octavia explained.

"Geez, soo~ooo~ry" Vinyl groaned. "Anyways, how's you get hired so fast?" Vinyl eyed him.

"Rainbow said you need bar tenders, fast." Nathan shrugged again.

"I see, it doesn't really matter though, seeing how much of an amazing job you did, you shaved about seven minutes off of Mint's best time." Vinyl magic'd a bag of bits to everyone. "I'll lock up, you can all go ahead and go home."

The employees said their goodbyes, including Nathan, and made their way from the club to wherever it was they went to. Most of them went home, all except Nathan, who still didn't have a place to stay. He took a deep breath before having to swallow his pride.

'I'm going to have to ask someone, aren't I?' He thought sourly. He thought for a minute before changing his path to a certain green mare's home. He grumbled the entire way there. He reached the single story building within several minutes. Dragging his feet, he slowly made his way to the door. He rapped his knuckles on the door, taking a breath.

The door opened, it was Bonbon who answered. "Hey Bonbon." Nathan waved a hand.

"Oh hey Nathan, I see you're out of the hospital, how are you doing?" Bonbon asked in a tired tone.

"I'm fine. But...I hate to ask, but I don't really have a place to stay tonight, and I was wondering if I could stay here tonight." Nathan sighed, he hated asking for help, it made him feel weak.

"Sure, you can stay as long as you need to. We have a spare room since...since Pokey left." Bonbon laughed sadly. "Its funny-"

"No. It isn't." Nathan silenced her. "Just forget about Pokey, he didn't exist." Nathan reminded the mare.

"Okay. Well, Lyra and Fluttershy have already gone to bed, make yourself comfortable." Bonbon stepped aside. "I'm only up because I have work to do."

"Oh yeah? What are you working on?" Nathan stepped inside the house, taking a seat in a nearby recliner.

"I need a new recipe for my candy shop." Bonbon crumpled a piece of paper. She pulled a new one from her desk before scrunching her nose. "Ew, what is that smell!"

"Sorry, I was working the bar at Vinyl's club, do you mind if I shower?" Nathan asked the tan mare. She nodded, covering her muzzle with a hoof. Nathan smiled sheepishly before going to look for the shower, he found it soon enough and stripped down. Once nude, he looked at the small shower. "Pony showers are weird!"

45 Minutes later

"So that is how you turn it on!" Nathan smiled. He soon figured out how to use the temperature dials as well.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the house, Bonbon would be staring at the ceiling, hoping for some inspiration when she heard Lyra's door open and close. "Lyra?" She looked towards the source and spotted her green friend. "What are you doing up so late?"

"I gotta pee~!" Lyra half sang, briskly walking towards the bathroom.

'Can she not hear the shower?' Bonbon grinned evilly. 'This is going to be soooo funny'

Nathan heard the door open and froze. 'Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck' he mentally screamed.

"Ahhhh~" A female voice moaned. He slowly peeked around the curtain, spotting Lyra.

"Lyra, what the fuck are you doing?" Nathan tried to sound calm.

"AHHH NATHAN...UM...HI?" Lyra's face turned a bright crimson. "UH...YOU COME HERE OFTEN?"

"GET. OUT. LYRA." Nathan threw a bar of soap in lieu of his TMD. Lyra jumped up and galloped out of the restroom, leaving a trail.

"AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA" Bonbon feel over laughing. "Ahhh I'm terrible..." She heard the shower turn off. Lyra galloped past the tan mare, screaming, causing the mare to snicker again. Nathan exited the bathroom, in his pants.

"Do you have a washing machine or something?" Nathan grumbled, annoyed.

"Y-yeah, why do you ask?" Bonbon wiped a tear from her face.

"Lyra left part of her...'trail' on my shirt and hoodie." Nathan held the two items by the sleeves. Bonbon pointed down the hall. "Thanks." Nathan walked to the laundry room and threw his items in, starting it after. He walked back to the main room and plopped down on the couch. "You knew she was going into the restroom, you knew, and still did nothing. Didn't you?" Nathan asked, eyes closed.

"You guesses it!" Bonbon giggled.

"You're terrible, but I can't deny it was funny...ish." Nathan yawned. "I swear to god, if I wake up, and my pants are off, I'll end you...with time."

"I'll try to keep them on." Bonbon sighed, staring at the paper.

Nathan fell asleep quickly.

The Next morning. 8am, Ponyville Market.

Fluttershy walked backwards in the market, leading a line if ducks. "Alright little ones, this way, this way. Mama Duck, you're free and clear." Fluttershy cooed. Suddenly, she encountered what felt like a feathery wall, stopping her in her tracks.

"Hey!" A voice called roughly, Fluttershy turned and saw the source, a rather butch looking griffon.

"Oh...Please excuse me." Fluttershy apologized to the scowling female. The griffon's wings shot up in anger.

"I'm walkin' here!" The griffin shouted angrily.

"Oh..um...I'm sorry...I-I was just trying to-" Fluttershy backed away from the rude bird, she was interrupted.

"'I'm sorry, I'm sorry'" The griffin mocked, she leaned in. "Why don't you just watch where you're going, doofus!" She stomped closer.

"B-b-but I-I...I" Fluttershy stammered. The griffin inhaled deeply before releasing a guttural roar, loud enough to physically push Fluttershy back. Fluttershy somehow made a sheep's noise before chocking up and running off, crying.

A couple hours later, Nathan saw the griffin storm out of a party. He watched her enter an alley and sit down, steaming. As soon as she sat, she fell through something. Nathan ran over and spotted a familiar sight.

She fell through a rift.

"Awwww, FUCK!" Nathan turned around and sprinted towards the bakery. Once there, he spotted Twilight and ran over "Twilight! Get your friends and follow me, I need help!" Nathan half-shouted. Twilight, momentarily confused, took a sip from her punch before spitting it in Nathan's face. "Damn you." Nathan wiped his face while Twilight collected her friends.

The quickly made their way to the rift. "Nathan, why did you drag us here?" Twilight asked.

"This, " He pointed to the yellow-edged hole in time. "this is a rift, a griffin fell through it. I need you to mark down ANY changes that happen while I'm gone, and I need the rest of you girls to do the same, any changes she makes could destroy the world. Unless she's in the future. But still, mark down changes." Nathan explained quickly.

"GILDA WENT THROUGH TIME?!" Rainbow flew up into Nathan's face. "SHE COULD BE IN DANGER! I'M GOING WITH YOU!" She shouted into his ear.

"NO! YOU'RE NOT. SEE, NOT SO PLEASANT WHEN SOMEONE SHOUTS IN YOUR FUCKING EAR, IS IT?" Nathan shouted back. Rainbow sat hard on her rump.

"Sorry. Gilda is my friend, or, was my friend. I want to make sure she's okay!" Rainbow pleaded.

"Rainbow, I know you're loyal and all, but I've done this, I know what happens when you go through these things. I'll make sure she's fine. Just stay here, okay?" Nathan looked into her magenta eyes.

"Fine, but if she gets hurt, I'm kicking your flank!" Rainbow punched him in the shoulder. Nathan smiled and looked down at the rift. He swallowed hard before stepping through.

Canterlot, some thousand years earlier. Starswirl The Bearded's Study.

"I do not understand, sir Star Swirl" A noble sat in Star Swirl's study while he scribbled something.

"What is so hard to understand? It is just a simple Bill. Do the Earth Ponies not deserve the same rights as us?" Star Swirl dipped his quill.

"I don't understand why a nobleman such as yourself would go through all the trouble to create a plead for the equal treatment of those lowly Earth Ponies, they're just so...lesser!" The noble questioned. Star Swirl snapped his quill in frustration. Grabbing another, he turned to the noble.

"They are not lesser, good sir! In fact, they may be better than most of you... condescending, egotistical, superiority complex having blaggard!" Star Swirl shouted at the snooty pony. "And by Tartarus I'll smack you if you say that again!"

There was a sudden crash, Star Swirl turned to the source while the noble fled from the furious genius. His eyes widened in wonderment, spotting the creature. "By Celestia's golden flank! What a fascinating creature!" His eyes sparkled with questions.

"Ugh...My fucking head, fuck you rift, why did you drop me on a bookcase?" Nathan took a deep breath.

"Amazing! It speaks our tongue!" Nathan heard scribbling, he turned and spotted an old colt with an amazing beard.

"Quickly, have you seen a griffin around here? 'Bout ye high?" Nathan raised his hand to approximately Gilda's height.

"Yes, she said various vulgar words before flying out of my window, that way." Star Swirl pointed east. "But, before you go, would you mind answering some questions? I simply must know everything about you!" Star Swirl grinned larger than seemingly possible. "I've discovered a new species! Hooray!" He danced in place.

"Sure, I guess I have time."

Two hours later

"Thank you thank you thank you!" Star Swirl vigorously shock Nathan's hand. "Dreadfully sorry for keeping you so long, it was not my intention."

"No problem. Could you do me a favor before I leave to find Gilda?" Nathan smiled, an idea in his head.

"It would be my pleasure, Mister Renko." Star Swirl responded.

"I need you to put a little note in a book for me."

Star Swirl magic'd a quill off his desk.

After Nathan left the castle, he used the Sonic Ping to follow the griffin. He noticed a mare crying and stopped. "Let me guess, rude griffin?" he sighed.

"SHE CALLED MY MANE SCRUFFY!" The mare wailed. Nathan left at that and continued the hunt. After walking what seemed like hours, he heard crashing. Running, he heard screams and what sounded like fighting.

He spotted the griffin being wailed on by a burly mare. "Gilda!" He pulled her away from the mare with the TMD. "You can't just go around picking fights."

"Oi! I'm not finished with her! Put her down before I decide to take you down as well!" The mare threatened.

"Sorry, but I don't have time to beat a mare, on a deadline." Nathan grumbled.

"Is that how it is? Think something as scrawny as yourself can handle me? I'm the Tank!" The mare roared. She charged forwards. Nathan sat Gilda down and delivered a swift punch to the mare's snout, she reared up in surprise. She stumbled long enough for Nathan to get a good'ol Suplex in.

"America, bitch." he spat on her before picking Gilda up and walking away again. "Really Gilda, you couldn't just give her a Texan Welcome Wagon?" He laughed at her frustration.

"I don't know what Texan is, so no. Doofus." She spat. "And who are you anyways? I could handle myself just fine, I didn't need you to step in." Gilda quickly stammered.

"You see Gilda, that's your problem, you think you're all tough and scary, but in reality, you're just a scared puppy." Nathan explained calmly.

"I am tough! I made that yellow pegasus run away crying like a baby!" Gilda stated proudly.

"Really now? You made Fluttershy cry, that's as simple as lighting a candle. Hell, you say her mane is dirty and she runs off." Nathan shot down Gilda's boast.

"Well! I-I...I!" Gilda turned red in frustration. "What makes you think you're so cool, huh?! I lost my best-friend today! Do you know what that feels like?!" Gilda shouted.

"I saw my best-friend get his head blown off, and I'm still...kind of...nice." Nathan sighed. "We're going back and you're going to leave Ponyville, forever."

"I was planning to!" Gilda started squirming. "Let me go!"

"Not a chance. Think of me as a cop...a time cop." Nathan spotted the rift in another alley, he threw the griffin in before going in himself.

Present day.

"I wonder if anything has changed?!" Pinkie bounced around, eyeing every last detail.

"Nothing has changed, Pinkie! Nathan will be back soon, just calm down!" Twilight face-hoofed.

"ARE YOU SUUURRRREEEE?" Pinkie got in Twilight's face, poking her eye with her own.

"YES I'M SURE!" Twilight magic'd Pinkie away. Gilda flew through the rift, Nathan soon following.

"Twilight, you will never believe who I met!" Nathan started with.

"Who?" Twilight cocked her head.

"Can't tell you until your birthday!" Nathan laughed. "You'll love it! Anyways, Gilda, leave, now." Nathan pointed a finger, Gilda scowled at all them, lip quivering, before flying off.

"Nothing changed, well, nothing that we could observe." Twilight handed him all the papers.

"Good. I should let you know that I wound up Suplexing some mare that called herself 'The Tank'. I don't think it caused any damage though." Nathan shrugged. Gilda had long flown away when Nathan looked in her direction. "I just realized, I haven't eaten in like...a week and a half. I'll see you guys later." Nathan felt his stomach growl before leaving the group of mares.

He walked the market for several minutes, scanning for goods. He saw a fish cart and briskly walked up to it. "I didn't know ponies sold fish, how much?" He asked the bored looking stallion.

"Sall ishies are tu 'its. Arge ishies are 'ix 'its." The stallion had some kind of speech-impediment, Nathan got the gist of what he was saying. He counted out twelve bits from his bag and took his fish. He thanked the stallion before walking off towards Lyra and Bonbon's place.

Lyra's Room.

"Just one more link, then I should go try and make dinner." Lyra said to herself, after her last link, she closed her browser and left her room. She turned a corner and spotted Nathan coming through the front door. The memory of the night before flashed in her mind. "H-hey, Nathan. Sorry about last night, I honestly didn't hear the shower." Lyra apologized.

"Its fine. Now, I'm off to cook." Nathan walked into the rather large, modern-looking kitchen. He pulled the already gutted and filleted fish from their bag. He found an appropriate pan and placed it on the burner.

He pulled out the fire-extinguisher as well.

"The show never said Humans ate meat..." Lyra looked slightly pale.

"Omnivore, get used to it." Nathan said without turning to the mare. Lyra shrugged, accepting the explanation.

Several minutes had passed, the fish cooked quickly, filling the house with a delicious aroma. Even Lyra was enjoying it. "Hey Lyra, can ponies eat meat?" Nathan asked taking one of the cooked fish from the pan and adding the other.

"If we do, not very much. Of course, Pegasi can tolerate fish better than most ponies, seeing how they have bird-like attributes." Lyra explained.

"Would you like a little bit of what I'm making when its done?" Nathan then asked.

"Sure I guess. Do you actually know how to cook fish?" Lyra stood next to the Captain, watching the fish cook.

"My mom taught me when I was younger. I can't really do anything 'fancy' with it, but I've learned some neat recipes." Nathan answered. He flipped the fish over, letting a burst of hot fish grease land on Lyra's foreleg, she let out a hiss of pain.

Nathan quickly threw the pan, fish included, into the sink. Nathan caught her other hoof, preventing her from rubbing it. "Don't rub it, it worsens it." He grabbed a soft towel and dabbed the grease gently.

She let out a small hiss, flinching slightly. Nathan, remembering the next steps, put the towel in the sink and waited for the water to cool. While waiting, he blew slowly on the wound. He grabbed the cold towel and slowly placed the towel on her leg. "Where are your bandages?" He asked the mesmerized mare. She snapped out of her trance;

"I need to go get some, we ran out after Pokey's kinky thornbush night with Bonbon." Lyra said slowly.

"Oh yeah, I still have some in my bag." Nathan stood and grabbed his bag from the table, pulling out medical wrapping. He cut a small length with some scissors from the kitchen and wrapped it around the burn. "Better?" He asked.

"Much. Thank you Nathan." Lyra smiled at the medically proficient soldier. Nathan threw the now burned fish away, keeping the already cooked one. He smiled at the mare before returning to his cooking, he cut the fish into strips. Instead of creating some seasoned, glorious masterpiece of a fish dish, he opted to get some bread and cheese and created...!

The

Ultimate

Not so ultimate

Fish sandwich!

He made a second, smaller one, for Lyra as well. She took a seat at the table, Nathan soon following. While ponies can eat meat, they can't eat very much, Nathan took that into account when making hers, he made it a quarter sized of a normal sandwich. He finished his sandwich quickly, in a couple bites actually. Lyra finished hers soon after him. He took the plates and turned on the faucet.

"That was good, here, let me help you clean up" Lyra lit her horn in her normal green aura. She magic'd some dish-soap out of the cupboard, squirting it on the plates while Nathan scrubbed the pan. Within minutes, the dishes were cleaned and dried.

"Thanks Lyra." Nathan patted her head. They walked into the living room and sat down on the small couch. Lyra turned on the TV and put it MLH.

After the episode ended, Nathan was aggravated. "None of that ever happened!" He half shouted. "I've never met a 'Marky James' in my life!" His shouts were unheard, seeing how Lyra had already fell into a deep slumber.

Bonbon walked through the front door, spotting Lyra sleeping soundly and Nathan raging at the TV. "Uh...What exactly have I missed?" She asked.

"I cooked, and now I'm planning on calling up this...'Orbsah' and calling out their lies." Nathan steamed.

"Have fun with that, ugh, I'm so tired." She yawned. "I'm going to go ahead and go to bed, see you in the morning." Bonbon walked to her room and shut the door. Lyra turned over. Nathan sighed as he turned the TV off. He set the remote down and gently picked Lyra up, he carried her to her room and put her in her bed. "Only eight?" He said to himself.

"Oh fuck!" He suddenly remembered he had work in half an hour. He grabbed his hoodie and ran out the door.

20% Louder, ten minutes later.

Rainbow stood outside the lobby, tapping a hoof. She waited for Nathan to arrive so she could give him his assignment, she spotted him. Nathan walked up to the rainbow-maned bouncer, she punched him in the shoulder. "You're lucky. You're working Octavia's side tonight." Rainbow looked at her clipboard.

"Alright, see you when my shift ends." Nathan briskly walked to Octavia's side of the club.

Several hours later

Nathan met several 'neat' ponies that worked with him. Oh boy, he just wanted to shoot, er, hug his fellow bar mate! Goes by the name of Cuntface McBitchass, er, Mango Sunset.

Again, they all met in Vinyl's side to take their shares. "We made an even eight-thousand tonight." Vinyl said to herself. She separated it into even amounts and gave them all their pay. Nathan was chosen to lock up tonight. After doing so, he made his way back to Bonbon's and crashed on the couch.

"I know what I'm doing tomorrow. I'm getting my own house." He whispered to himself before falling asleep.

AUTHOR'S NOTES

Here is a chapter, one of the longest chapters I've written. It is currently 12:48am on the dot and I haven't slept in two days.

Lets end this with a question: How many of you have gotten really bad scars from grease? I have a small-ish one on my forehead.

Fuck you, Bacon, you deliciously evil motherfucker.

Also

I forgot how to blink.

Halp.

Chapter 6

Lyra woke in the dead of night, her throat dry and her bladder full. "No, I don't hear any showers..." She murmured to herself, the house groaning in response. She left her room and walked into the living room, she spotted Nathan sleeping on the couch. 'He looks so...angry...tense...and sad...' She thought, looking at the snoozing captain. She tore her gaze from the angry-looking soldier and returned to her previous action, going to the restroom.

She entered the restroom and quickly did her business, once finished, she made her way to the kitchen for some water. She got her glass and sat at the dark table, not bothering with any lights. She drank in silence, but deep in thought. Her eyes caught the bandage on her foreleg, causing her to think back to the fish incident; she thought of his concern, his care, and how he didn't stop to think about it.

She gently placed the glass down in the sink with her magic. She sighed before walking back to the living room, she glanced at the Captain once more and noticed his expression, he looked hurt. She looked away and made her way back to her comfy bed, the warmth quickly taking her consciousness.

Later in the morning.

Nathan shot awake in a cold sweat, he dreamed of Katorga. The echoing halls, the overgrown plant life, and the creatures. He dreamed he was getting chased down an endless hall by hundreds of each creature, the Ticks jumped on his and exploded, burning him in his dream. It all felt so real; the claws felt sharp, the Revert's vomit acidic and boiling, and the teeth grizzly and jagged against his flesh. In his dream, he saw an odd green light at the end of the hall, when he reached it, the monsters faded away, only the echos of their growls, roars, and screams of pain remained.

He turned from the echos and was shocked at the sight, a paler, sickly looking version of Devlin greeted him. Before he could saw anything, his head exploded and the gore splattered on Nathan's face. Devlin's body dropped like a rock.

Everything was silent after that.

Nathan shook the dream from his head and stood, taking a deep breath. He calmed himself and walked into the kitchen, spotting the Unicorn Mare eating some cereal. "H-hey Lyra, sleep well?" He asked the mare, who promptly slammed her head into the milk bowl, blowing bubbles. Nathan laughed before pulling her face out, she had fallen asleep. "Not very well, I'd imagine." He chuckled, she blew blew a milk bubble with her nose; the pop caused her to wake up.

"Oh-eh!" Lyra jumped from her slumber, throwing the bowl across the room, "Fuck!" She swore, promptly slapping a hoof over her mouth.

"Oh calm down." Nathan got a towel from one of the drawers and wiped up the milk. "I'll ask again, sleep well?" He repeated, washing out the milk filled towel in the sink.

"I kept waking up." Lyra answered, eyes half closed. Nathan poured himself a bowl of the sugary corn-flakes and sat at the table.

"Lyra, who handles selling houses here?" Nathan asked.

"You'd have to go see Mayor Mare." Lyra picked up the un-shattered bowl and washed it out before going to shower. Nathan left soon after washing his bowl.

He walked in silence to a very large building, presumably the Mayor's office; when he entered he found that is was, in fact, the Mayor's office.

Was it the secretary that gave it away?

Or the official laws and ordnance papers?

No, it was the big-ass sign that read:

MAYOR'S OFFICE.

"Well that's...obvious." Nathan cocked his head for a moment before walking up to the secretary.

"How can I help you?" The secretary said in a slow, bored tone.

"I was looking to find a house, maybe an apartment or something." Nathan told the boring mare. She clicked something on her small desktop and took a breath.

"There are four available. One: A two story, fully furnished house for forty-five hundred, two: a single story, fully furnished house, for two thousand, three:  three room, half furnished apartment for eight-hundred a month, and four: single room, empty apartment for two-hundred a month." The mare listed off.

Nathan pulled out his bit-bag (I need a better name for this) and counted out his money. In the three days he worked, which paid modestly, he earned twenty-eight hundred. Vinyl had tipped him an extra payment as a 'got-well' gift. He separated two thousand from his twenty-eight hundred and got the paperwork.

Oh god the paperwork.

It could kill the Tick-Queen in a single smack.

Nathan swallowed hard before picking up the paperwork. "Oh," He noticed it was just a GIANT contact with one spot to sign, "that went better than expected." He read through it quickly and signed where it asked him to. He traded the paper-brick for his key and waved the mare off.

Leaving the building, he went to the address labelled on his key. He quickly found the building and entered.

"SURPPPPRRIIISSSEEEE!!!"