Under normal circumstances, Twilight Sparkle did not get drunk.

For one, despite the claims of her grad school classmates and her own extensive experimentation, alcohol did not lower her inhibitions.

Well, it would be more accurate to say they didn’t lower Twilight’s inhibitions enough. For years, she had yet to act on any of her seemingly-endless series repressed thoughts. No matter how badly she wanted to. And considering how there was no possible universe where she would ever act on them sober, she found the entire situation somewhat aggravating.

To make matters worse, the substance did not act as a so-called ‘social lubricant.’ If anything, Twilight tended to become more awkward—usually by several orders of magnitude—after consumption of fermented beverages.

It wasn’t fair. For Celestia’s sake, it wasn’t fair!

Twilight’s ears twitched at the sound of footsteps. The door opened and a gust of chilly evening air washed through her tail and her black stockings. She shivered and cursed herself—again—for wearing her business casual outfit today. Just because it flattered her slim figure—as if she had much of one—didn’t mean it was smart to wear to a meeting with the Mayor when it was snowing.

Another bad decision.

Bad decisions was another reason Twilight usually avoided anything harder than juice. She’d seen Rarity once have a few too many glasses of wine and start nibbling on Fluttershy’s ear. Neither had been able to speak to one another for over a week! Then again, Rarity had done it again a couple weeks later, so maybe there was more going on there than Twilight knew. It wouldn’t be the first time.

The number of concussions Rainbow Dash had sustained in drunken dares proved the concept that either pegasi had levels of durability that hadn’t been documented thoroughly or Rainbow Dash had an exceptionally hard head.

Probably both.

However, Rainbow had never shown signs of regret in her consumption of hard cider. That could the entire basis for Rainbow’s on-and-off relationship with Applejack, in fact: Applejack attempting to curb Rainbow’s cider consumption. Likely pointless endeavor, but that was not Twilight’s place to say.

Anyway, she could study that another time.

Preferably a time when she didn’t have certain images lodged in her head. Though she had to admit… as time went by, those bad decisions didn’t seem so bad after all. After all, wasn’t that what she wanted? A bad decision that might lead to something… fun?

Twilight stared at the bottle in her hand as she went through all of these data points, then took another long pull from the hard pear cider, finishing it off. The sweet, tangy liquid ran down her throat, already adding to a vague warmth inside of her. With a sigh, she dropped the bottle into line with the four others sitting before her, expanding the tiny wall of solitude that protected her from absolutely nothing.

“Another one, hun?” Berry Punch asked from the other side of the bar.

Twilight nodded, not saying a word and definitely not looking up. Berry, Celestia bless her, simply slid another bottle over. A quick application of magic popped the top and Twilight downed a good quarter of the bottle in one go.

“You sure you don’t want to talk about it, hun?” Berry asked. Her voice radiated with friendly concern.

Twilight shook her head as she stared at The Wall. Berry had asked that with every bottle. It’s not like the Princess of Magic was a regular in the Brewed Berry, after all.

Well, except for Tuesday nights. She was always here on Tuesday nights.

The door behind her opened again and she heard the sound of shuffling feet. Twilight’s ears flattened, hoping she wouldn’t hear who she was probably going to hear.

“Twi, this is getting silly.”

She managed to bite back the sigh, but she couldn’t stop her ears from flattening.

“It’s not silly, Spike,” Twilight replied after another gulp from her bottle. “It’s better than spiraling into out-of-control madness that results in you trying to bend the very fabric of space and time to your whim in an attempt to stop some sort of disaster that isn’t even real.”

“Twi, you’re drinking the lightest cider Berry has,” her assistant pointed out. “Hey, Berry, how many bottles of that would it take to get Twi drunk?”

Berry made a humming noise as Twilight studied the bottles. The bartender might dip into her own stock a little too often, but her ability to perform alcohol-to-body-weight calculations on the fly was second to none.

“For a unicorn her size, she’d probably need at least a dozen,” Berry replied musingly. “Give or take. But with her being an alicorn? Earth ponies can knock back the hardest stuff and not even blink. Unicorns usually burn off the alcohol with magic by reflex. Only pegasi tend to be lightweights, and… well, even Fluttershy drinks harder stuff than this.”

“So, she’s not going to get drunk?” Spike asked as he slid onto a barstool beside Twilight. “And I’ll have a Fizzy Volcano, please.”

“Coming right up,” Berry answered. “And no, she’s not going to get drunk. Not unless she switches to something way harder.”

“Your Princess of Magic is right here you know,” Twilight grumbled. She took another pull.

“Kinda the point, Twi,” Spike said with a sigh. “When you gonna talk about what happened with Luna and the girls?”

Finally, Twilight looked up to glower at her assistant. Just a little taller than Twilight herself, Spike had gone from short and chubby green-and-purple baby dragon to an impressively-male green-and-purple drake in only a year or two. Twilight mentally cursed the odd dragon life cycle and her own too-active imagination, though this time she managed not to blush when she looked at him. He was dressed in a simple gray t-shirt—one sporting Rarity’s logo on the left breast—and black jeans. He’d given up wearing shoes when his lower claws had come in. Thankfully, the cold of winter didn’t seem to bother him anymore.

He brushed his clawed hand through his thick green hair spikes and tried to grin at her.

“Spike, this isn’t the sort of thing you talk with your assistant about,” Twilight muttered. “Especially when your assistant is your best friend.”

“Seems like exactly the kind of thing you should be talking to your best friend about,” Spike countered. “Come on, this is me.”

“I know it’s you. You’re you, I’m me, Berry’s Berry and everypony else is everypony else.” Twilight finished off her latest bottle. “Thank you for helping me unlock the secrets of the universe.”

“You could always try your barkeep,” Berry Punch said as she returned with Spike’s smoking drink in a mug of treated copper.

Twilight tried not to stare at the absurdly curvy bartender. She tried to avoid looking at her altogether. Berry tended to make her ache in certain places. Certain improper places.

Spike grinned at her and tossed a pair of gold bits at her. “Keep the change.”

Berry snatched them out of the air and winked at Spike. “You don’t need to buy me, cutie.”

Spike fingered his collar and chuckled, blushing a little.

“You definitely grew up to be a fine boy, Spike,” Berry said, leaning down onto the bar to give her heavy chest a bit of an extra oomph. “When are you going let me see how much you grew?”

That broke her no-Berry fast. Twilight eyed the light purple mare. With one of the top ten bustlines in Ponyville, a figure that was all curves—including her smirking lips—and a messy dark pink mane, Berry wasn’t hard to look at. Her sparkling dark pink eyes were always teasing, so much so that Berry had long ago become yet another figure in Twilight’s endless parade of repressed desires.

And still, she couldn’t muster up the courage to actually ask the damn mare out for dinner. Or just beg for ten minutes of her time after closing. Or something.

Instead, she watched Berry and Spike lightly flirt back and forth. And it wasn’t long until she realized that her assistant would likely be having some fun with the voluptuous bartender. Which was good. Another night to herself. And her books. And… maybe… a few memories…

Twilight levitated over another bottle, making sure to slip a few bits over to Berry as she did so.

“Around ten, then?” Berry cooed, tickling Spike under his chin.

“S-sure,” Spike managed, blushing even harder.

Berry winked at him, then finally turned her attention back to Twilight. She fixed her with a sigh and shook her head.

“This is about the dream, isn’t it?” Berry said out of nowhere.

“Yeah, it is,” Spike supplied unhelpfully.

“Spike, let her tell the story,” Berry said, without looking at him. Her eyes stayed focused on Twilight, and for her part, Twilight couldn’t seem to quite look away. “We all saw things in that dream. Nightmares and… other stuff. From what I remember, the Tantabus was made to torment all in special ways…”

“It’s the special ways that bother me,” Twilight mumbled as she poured the liquid down her throat. “It had something very special for me.”

“And you don’t wanna say what it is, do you?”

Twilight shook her head.

“Would it help if Spike wasn’t here?” Berry asked.

“Hey!”

“I don’t think so.”

“Twilight,” Berry reached forward to rest a hand on Twilight’s arm. It sent goosebumps over half her body. “We’ve been friends a while now. And even if you’re not drinking the hard stuff, this is pretty low for you. You need to talk to somepony. It’s been two weeks since you all kicked the big monster’s tail. Time to open up.”

“I’m… I’m not allowed to,” Twilight mumbled. “Just can’t. You don’t talk about this sort of thing.”

Berry tapped her finger on her thick lips while the other hand squeezed Twilight’s arm. “I do. Most ponies do, if it is what I think it is.”

“I don’t. It’s… it’s the way I was raised.”

“Then you were raised pretty hard, Twi,” Berry sighed while Spike watched the exchange with way too much interest. “I thought you were just a Canterlot unicorn.”

“I’m…” Twilight sighed and hung her head. “No. No, not just a Canterlot unicorn. Canterlot nobility.”

Berry’s eyes went wide, though to her credit, she didn’t remove her hand.

“Our family has owns a good quarter of the land between here and Tall Tale,” Twilight continued. “My mother’s a Countess, though she hates the title.”

“Oh.” Berry rubbed her face. “Okay, yeah, that explains a bit.”

“Well, it doesn’t explain a lot to me!” Spike interjected. “I mean, yeah, I knew Twi’s basically a Duchess—”

“I’m a High Dame because I’m Celestia’s student,” Twilight mumbled after another pull. “Special title granted only to a few. Most ponies don’t know that, so don’t go blabbing, okay?”

“I don’t care if you’re the queen of the tomato fairies,” Spike shot back. “What does this have to do with anything?”

Berry leaned against one of the pillar behind the bar and crossed her arms under her breasts. “The peerage—Canterlot nobles—have some old-fashioned rules about some things, Spike. You’re a dragon, doubt you had to deal with a lot of them. But Twilight probably even had to do finishing school…”

“Charming Weaver’s Academy For Young Mares,” Twilight growled, her hand clenching around the bottle at the memories. “Why they forced those skirts on us I’ll never know…”

Berry nodded slowly. “Princess Twilight here has been forced to keep a lot bottled inside, hasn’t she?”

“Some.”

“I bet it’s more than some.”

“Okay, fine, a lot.”

Spike rolled his eyes. “Not helping with the definitions here!”

“Dammit!” Twilight shouted, slamming her bottle down on the bar with a crack. “You really want to know, Spike? It’s about… about… sex.”

Twilight panted with the effort it took to say that single word… then immediately went scarlet on realizing she’d said it.

Spike stared at her. He stared at Berry. He stared back at her. “Uh, Twi, you do realize what Berry and I just agreed to probably—”

“Yes, I know!” Twilight growled, glowering at the two of them. “And I’m so very happy for you. I just don’t get to enjoy stuff like that.”

Twilight met the bartender’s eyes. She saw it there. Berry knew what Twilight had seen during the shared dream. Twilight tried not to react, but she still flinched.

With that, Twilight grabbed her bottle, guzzled the last of her cider and slammed it back down on the counter.

“Twilight—” Spike began in a far too sympathetic tone, but Twilight cut him off.

“I think that’s all I need for the night, Berry,” she declared without looking at her assistant. “How much do I owe you?”

Berry hesitated, then sighed. “Twenty-three bits, Twi.”

Twilight summoned the bits in her magic. It was too easy. She had only the slightest of buzzes and the beginnings of a mild headache. Maybe she should start drinking stronger stuff.

Maybe a different night when a blanket of pity wasn’t trying to suffocate her.

“The Tantabus showed you stuff to get under your skin, Twi!” Spike said quickly. “If this is a big deal to you, that’s why it did it! Luna told you how the Tantabus works!”

“I know.” Twilight smiled thinly at him as she slipped off her barstool. Her feet were perfectly steady. Of course.

Berry Punch eyed Twilight up and down. “You know, Twi… you ever want to—”

“No,” Twilight answered flatly. “I may have issues, but I’m not taking anything out of pity.”

“It’s not pity!” Berry cried. “I do like you and—”

“Berry, if you really want to help… I have only one request,” Twilight snapped as she snatched her coat and scarf off the rack by the door. She was intensely glad the rest of Berry’s tavern was empty.

“Anything.”

Her eyes darted to her handsome assistant as she buttoned up her black jacket and tossed her scarf around her neck. “Make sure he has a good time. All night.”

Spike flushed, but Berry just looked… resigned for some reason. Twilight suspected it had nothing to do with Spike himself.

That’s what made it worse.

“Thanks for the drinks,” Twilight said, heading out into the snow without looking back.

Halfway to the Castle, the familiar itch still hadn’t left her. Snow fell over all of Ponyville, but there was still a heat between her legs that had tormented her since that stupid dreams. Since the Tantabus had decided to torment her. Yeah, she’d gotten attacked by her own books in an endless library. That had been freaky, but nothing like what had happened during the final battle.

She stopped and looked up at the Castle, ignoring the snow falling gently around her. In the dream, she’d been standing here—more or less—on the main path leading to the huge crystal beast that was her home. The Tantabus had rushed by her in the chaos. As it passed, it tapped her once.

And then every mare and stallion in Ponyville had been stark naked. She’d seen everypony in their perfect physical forms. The old had become young. The young had become mature. Everypony, baring themselves to the silly little prude of a princess, Twilight Sparkle. And they hadn’t even known it.

Twilight turned around, remembering the battle. She could almost see it. There, she had witnessed Rarity sewing a tear in reality with her magic, her posture perfect and studied, her gorgeous hips and ample breasts silhouetted in the false night. Pinkie Pie, a pony of pure curves—and big curves at that—had bounced around helping ponies. Rainbow Dash had shot by, her perfectly toned body of an athlete glistening with sweat.

She’d wanted them all. Only the screams of panic by the townsponies had made her move to end the Tantabus, realize its origins and help Princess Luna defeat her own personal demon.

And since that evening, Twilight hadn’t had a single night pass where she didn’t imagine at least one of her friends in that moment. Usually doing a lot more than just fighting the Tantabus.

Twilight shook herself, turned and glared at where the Tantabus had almost escaped. That Tantabus had been made to create nightmares. To serve as Luna’s tormentor for her past crimes. As it had fed and grown, it had spread, trying to accomplish its mission on a grander scale.

Twilight rubbed her chin, looking past the towers of her castle as a question that had been lurking on the edges of her mind for weeks finally came to the forefront.

“Could a Tantabus be configured for… other purposes?” Twilight mused to herself.

After all, the Tantabus had simply been a magical construct, built to fulfill its orders. It had simply gotten out of control. Fueled by Luna’s guilt, it had gone wild. If it was fueled by something else…

Maybe it would be enough to finally help her get rid of her itch. Doing anything about it in the real world was out… but doing something about it in the dream realm?

That was worth looking into.

Now, all she needed some time in the library to she could see if she could transform a nightmare into a dream.

Author's Note

Yay~! New story time~! Super-fun commission with a super fun idea. This one gets a little cray-cray, cuties, hope you're readyyyyy~!

Lemme know about spelling stuff by PM plz~!