Crank Yankers

by Jest

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Pinkie Pie, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Rainbow Dash, Comedy
Length: 1746

The telephone has finally come to Ponyville! Which means only one thing to Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash, another opportunity to prank ponies!

The telephone has finally come to Ponyville! Which means only one thing to Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash, another opportunity to prank ponies!

This was done as a request by a patron! If you want a story like this as well, head over there!

Published 2019-10-07 21:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-10-07 21:10:01 UTC

This Is Gonna Be Fun!

“So this is that telephone thing everyone’s been talking about?” Rainbow Dash asked, poking the edge of the strange machine sitting on Pinkie Pie’s end table.

The telephone itself was the newest in Equestria, meaning it had a fancy rotary dial on the center and a sleek black exterior. Pinkie Pie, who stood next to the pegasus, nodded and patted the top of the machine proudly. “Yup! Apparently the rest of Equestria’s had them for a little while but Mayor Mare was dragging her heels getting us hooked up.”

Rainbow Dash snorted. “That sounds exactly like something that old fart would do.”

Pinkie Pie shrugged. “Either way, I think it's neat.”

“As neat as talking to ponies all over the place is, I don't know why you invited me up to your room like this.” Rainbow Dash lamented, gesturing to Pinkie’s room.

Pinkie Pie shook her head and draped a hoof over her friend’s shoulders. “Oh yee of little faith. Trust me, this is going to be fun.”

“How is this going to be fun? What are you going to do, order us some pizza or something?” Rainbow Dash blinked, a hoof going to her stomach. “Actually now that you mention it, that would be pretty awesome. I am pretty hungry.”

“Maybe later. First we have pranks to pull!” Pinkie Pie declared, before extending a hoof to the telephone. “With this?”

“Wait, how are we going to prank somebody just by talking to them?” Rainbow Dash asked, while scratching her head.

“Simple, we trick them into saying silly stuff. Here, let me show you how it's done.” Pinkie Pie declared before pulling out a slim book filled with yellow pages and opening it to a random section. “Aha, The Prancing Pony. That sounds like a fun place, I bet they like jokes.”

“I don't know Pinkie Pie, isn't that a strip club?” Rainbow Dash half asked, half stated.

“Even better!” Pinkie Pie announced with a smile, her hoof going to the rotary dial and beginning to input the number after she grabbed the receiver.

After a few seconds of carefully dialing, Pinkie Pie giggled as she could hear the line connecting, barely able to contain her excitement.

“Hello this is the prancing pony, my name is Sunny Stars, how can I help you?” Asked a clearly masculine voice from the other end of the line.

“Hi, I was looking for someone and was hoping you could help me out.” Pinkie Pie exclaimed, the pony holding a hoof near her lips, ready to hold back her giggles.

“Sure thing hon. Who are you looking for?” Asked Sunny Stars.

“He's a minotaur, last name Coholic, first name Al.” Pinkie Pie replied, the pony covering her mouth with a hoof, lest the other pony hear her muffled laughter.

Rainbow Dash chuckled, and leaned a little closer, curious as to what was going to happen.

“Sure.” The voice cleared its throat. “Is there anyone named Al Cholic here? I’m looking for an Al Cholic!”

There was about two seconds of silence before a chorus of laughter could be heard from the other side of the line. Like a damn being broken, the two pranksters also burst into laughter of their own, with Rainbow Dash rolling on Pinkie Pie’s bed. “Oh that's too good! I can't believe he really said that!”

Sunny Stars sighed. “Real funny kiddo, now do you actually need something or-”

Whatever the bartender was about to say was cut off by someone crying very, very loudly. “Oh god, it's me, isn't it? They mean me don't they?” Wailed a female voice in the distance. “I knew this day would come. I knew ponies would figure out my name wasn't really Berry Punch.”

“Oh jeese, what do I do?” Pinkie Pie whispered, turning to her friend.

“Just hang up!” Rainbow Dash urged.

The pink pony nodded and did just that, cutting off the mare’s crying just before it reached a new level of hysterical.

For a few moments the two friends just sat there, awkwardly, until Pinkie Pie coughed into her hoof. “So uh, that could have gone better.”

“Yeah, but I think I get what you mean with the whole pranking thing.” Rainbow Dash replied with a shrug. “Maybe we should try calling somewhere else.”

“Okay! Do you have somewhere in mind, or should I pick another from the book?”

Rainbow Dash shook her head. “Nah, that didn't work out so great last time, maybe if we call some place I know, we can find someone better to prank. Like... The old weather factory I used to work at was great, everypony always played practical jokes. I bet they wouldn't mind some harmless fun.”

“Oooh, that sounds way better than my idea.” Pinkie Pie extended her hoof. “Here, you do it.”

“Alright, and I think I got just the name in mind that will really get those guys rolling on the floor laughing.” Rainbow Dash declared confidently, snatching the receiver from Pinkie’s hoof and beginning to dial.

A few seconds later and both ponies sat on Pinkie Pie’s bed, eagerly grinning as they waited for someone to pick up. Sure enough, both ponies heard the now familiar click of someone coming onto the other line. “Cloudsdale weather factory, what can I do for ya?” Droned a clearly bored male voice.

“Yeah I’m looking for somepony who works there, and was wondering if I could speak to them.” Rainbow Dash replied as calmly as she could manage, grinning the whole time.

“Yeah sure, what's their name?” Inquired the voice, who seemed to adjust the phone so they might take a note while still listening.

“Last name Weiner, middle name Sea, first name Eye.” Rainbow Dash answered, before covering the receiver and sharing a giggle with Pinkie.

The line was quiet for a few seconds before whispering. “Icey Weiner?”

“Bwahahaha.” Rainbow Dash bellowed, the pony only barely to hold onto the phone as she laughed.

“That's not funny man! How did you know I fell into the snowflake pool last week?” The voice shouted accusatorily.

“I er, what?” Rainbow Dash muttered all mirth withering and dying in an instant.

“They had to chop it right off man, that's not cool! That hurts!” Shouted the male.

Pinkie Pie blanched, the mare shaking her head. “Did you know this Rainbow Dash?”

“No, I don't even know who this guy is!” Rainbow Dash shouted back.

“You don't even know who I am, yet you're willing to play a cruel joke at my expense. You're a real piece of work lady.” Grumbled the voice.

“I didn't, it's not. Augh!” Rainbow Dash slammed the phone down and crossed her hooves over her chest. “This sucks.”

“Tell me about it.” Pinkie Pie muttered, her hooves crossed over her chest. “I played a few pranks before you got here, and they all turned out great.”

“What now?” Rainbow Dash inquired, the mare flopping out onto her back. “Because I don't think I wanna do any more prank calls with you.”

“What if we just dial one?” Pinkie Pie asked.

Rainbow Dash blinked, and sat back up. “Like, just one number?”

“And that number is one.” Pinkie Pie clarified. “Do you know where it goes?”

Rainbow Dash reached for the phone book and flipped to the front. “It's not in here.”

“Wanna find out?” Pinkie Pie asked. “Maybe they will like jokes.”

“Okay but we are going to think of another name before we call.” Rainbow Dash cautioned.

“Right.” Pinkie Pie nodded. “What about… Anita Bath? That's a classic one.”

Rainbow Dash tapped her chin. “That one doesnt sound like it could backfire quite as bad. Wait, why do you know so many minotaur names anyway?”

“I get bored okay?” Pinkie Pie jabbed her hoof at the other pony. “I don't have to explain myself to you.”

“Alright, chill. Let's just try one last one.” Rainbow Dash pressed. “Your doing it though.”

“Fine. I guess you did do the last one.” Pinkie Pie grumbled, before reaching to the phone and dialing the single digit.

They didn't have to wait long, as within a second of dialing the number, they heard the line connect, and a familiar voice come on. “You have reached Princess Celestia, how may I help you?”

The two ponies shared a confused look, with Pinkie Pie reluctantly shrugging. “Err hi, I was looking for a friend, his last name is Bath, first name Anita.”

“Pinkie Pie, if you need a bath, you don't have to call me and tell me that.” Celestia stated. “But while I have you on the line, perhaps you could help me with something.”

“Uhh…” Pinkie Pie exchanged a look with Rainbow Dash, who just shrugged. “Sure thing princess, whatever you want.” Pinkie Pie replied nervously.

“I’m looking for someone named Joe, have you heard of them?” Asked the princess, her voice laden with what sounded like genuine concern.

“Uh no, we haven't heard of someone named Joe before.” Pinkie Pie replied awkwardly.

“That's strange, I thought you would know all about Joe Mama. Ha, gottem!” Celestia shouted, before laughing hysterically.

The two ponies sat there silently as Celestia’s laugh continued to pour through the telephone for several seconds before the line clicked dead.

Pinkie Pie gently placed the phone back onto the hook and sat down on the bed. “Remind me to never try and prank Celestia.”

Rainbow Dash nodded. “Agreed. Pizza?”

“Double agreed.” Pinkie Pie declared, already reaching for the phone.

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