This story is a parody of the first chapter of Cardinal's canceled story Fall of Equestria - reading that story first is highly recommended.

The young caribou Painn, a courtier of the mighty king Svar... something, finds himself in his king's company every night, forced to play sadistic games against his will. After a particularly nasty night that involved an overdose of drugs, he finds himself as king on board of his new fleet's flagship, the Weird Taste. Will he unravel the secrets of this strange turn of events and regain his memory of what happened between his overdose and his reawakening? Or will he be left in the dark to stub his toes on furniture for all eternity? And meanwhile, in the land of Equestria, will Twilight Sparkle be able to unravel the secret of her own weird dreams? Or will she just go back to sleep, because by Celestia, she needs and deserves it?!

Content warning: forced drug abuse, suicide, profanity, gambling, fourth wall shattering, and heavy swearing.
There's no porn in this story. Go look somewhere else.