Author's Note
So I was listening to Taylor Swift's "The Man" today while I was outside. Out of nowhere Stellar Flare comes barging into my brain and telling me the story of how that song related to her. So I was like, "Alright, I'll write it down."
This is her story. I'm just messengering it.
I Am The Mare
Success comes easily for nopony, but that is especially true for mares.
While it’s true that Mares can amount to significant success in the role of royalty, if one is not born into said bloodline or marries into that family, it’s considerably difficult to gain a title. Outside of that, particularly in the business world, ambitious mares are usually feared, especially when they’re thriving in a stallion-dominated workplace.
There is a stigma successful mares face. We’re calculating, cold, ruthless- completely driving away our family. We’re power hungry, out to take the top spot, and we neglect everything that does not have to do with our work. And aside from that, there is a stigma mares face daily. The thought that they must act a certain way to be feminine, that they should stay home and raise their foals rather than going to work. And single mothers get the worst of it because without a stallion in the house, especially in a small town, ponies talk. Everypony, especially other mothers who are married, believe they know best how you should raise your child. Every decision you make is scrutinized through the lens of mares who feel they are better than you because their foal has a two-parent home.
“You’re still breastfeeding after the first year? Your son will grow up to be too dependent.”
“Why are you letting him play with blocks when he could be playing with something to stimulate his intellectual growth?”
“You’re letting him read such advanced material, are you sure he’s mature enough to handle it?”
On and on and on. Not to mention the judgemental looks you get from others when you tell them it’s just you and your son. You either get the, “Oh, I feel so badly for you, you must be so helpless” look, or that just barely perceptible flash of smugness that comes with the mindset of, “Oh, since my child has both parents, they’ll be so much better off than yours.”
The thing is, that kind of scrutiny builds a thick skin. You learn not to care what others say because that is your child, and nopony knows them like you do. That mindset proves incredibly helpful in the business world. I spent the years leading up to Sunburst going to school taking care of him, but I didn’t just do that. I was planning, I was saving money, and I made the plans that started a successful company from the ground up. When he was in school, I was building a business from the ground up. I was a wedding planner, which is an inherently feminine job, but I was running the entire corporation. By the time my son went to magic school, I had twenty employees, and was contracting with other businesses to work with my own.
One would think that amounting to that level of success meant that my son was neglected. Wrong again. I only worked until Sunburst got home from school during the early years, and when he came home from Magic School, I took two weeks away from my job to stay with him. When he resumed school, I resumed work. I always left work at work so that he could have all of my attention at home. I read to him every evening, no matter how exhausted I was. He never lacked the love and attention he deserved.
Would it have been easier with a stallion around the house? Possibly. I might not have been so exhausted at the end of the day if I had help making dinner or cleaning the house. But I also think it may have been harder. Another influence for my son to listen to, somepony who could possibly undermine my decisions, or discourage me from beginning my business because it was too big a risk.
Ponies ask me all the time now, “Didn’t you feel alone?”
I always answer the same way: “I was never alone for a second.”
I didn’t have my husband anymore after he walked out on me, but I had my son. I may have lacked a partner, but I never lacked in good company. My son is the best thing I have ever done with my life. I raised him on my own, ran a business, and still did an incredible job with him. He grew up to be successful as a Crystaller to Princess Flurry Heart, and eventually the Vice Headmare of the School Of Friendship. Was it hard? Absolutely. Raising a child is never easy in and of itself, and running a business takes a lot of work. There were nights I went to bed crying because the stress and pressure was so overwhelming. But I didn’t give up, because it just wasn’t a part of my plan.
I am a mare, but I am not confined to the limitations others have placed on me. I can be whatever I chose. The industry of wedding planning, although traditionally a feminine job, tended to have plenty of Stallions for CEO’s who were plenty flummoxed by a mare sitting in a negotiating position for one of their contract negotiations. I built my business from the ground up, and relied on no pony else for success. I trusted my gut, stayed two steps ahead of whomever might have been against me, and earned my spot as a titan of the industry, all while staying in a small town for the most part, excluding travel. I did not need any stallion to complete me, nor did I need one to be successful. I paved my own way, and eventually I began the Sires Hollow Development Committee as a side project when I had a few days off.
My success did not hinge on a stallion. My success was my own. I am successful, I am a single mother, I am a good mother, I am a mare, and any double-standards, or regular standards, that were placed upon me initially I have broken.
I didn’t need a stallion to be successful. I am successful on my own, and I am proud of that. I don’t need a stallion to tell me that I did a good job. I already know I have. I have self-esteem, and no standards, or stallion, can take that away from me.
I’m not a mare, I’m the mare, and I’ll always be proud of that.
