Dating Chaos - Christmas Edition!

by TheOnlySaneDraconequus

Rating: teen
Tags: Romance, Self Insert, Profanity, Discord, Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 5957

My boyfrined Discord decides to spend Hearth's Warming with me. It doesn't really go to plan, but it's still wonderful.

Since Equis and Earth met, there have been many changes. One of these changes is humans celebrating Hearth's Warming, especially if that human is dating a creature from Equis. When Discord pops into my room to celebrate with me, I realize I'd forgotten how much earlier in the month the Pony holiday is. We try to make the best of it, and even with a couple of major hurdles, we still have a nice time together.

Published 2019-10-09 22:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-10-09 22:50:01 UTC

Holiday Fluff

Normally I was a pretty fast keyboarder and reader, but in this instance, I had to quadruple-check every individual character, and there was a lot that needed checking. I was busy comparing what was in front of me to the book on my desk when a flash of light alerted me to a certain someone’s presence. “Discord,” I growled in a warning tone, “I’m working.”

I have to give the impatient Spirt credit, he didn’t say a word, he just leaned on the back of my chair and read over my shoulder. Once I was finally satisfied that it was all correct, I saved my work and turned back to give my boyfriend a smile.

Discord had an eyebrow raised. “Why are you working on a Saturday?”

“Because this is due Monday, and I wanted to finish my work. The last time I wasn’t completely accurate, my boss got in trouble, which got me in trouble, all because I misplaced a comma,” I groaned. “I should have known better, but I was rushed. You’re lucky I was almost done,” I said.

Discord grinned. “What if you hadn’t been?”

I held out the book on my desk. “I would have made you check my citations for me.”

Discord flipped through the book. “This is all just to cite a case?” he asked in shock as he pointed at a page.

“That’s the first page on how to cite a specific type of case. I thought grammar mattered in writing for my English classes! That would have been torture for you,” I said with a grin.

Discord nodded gravely. He then tossed the book onto my bed. I glared at him. He went and picked it up and placed it neatly on the bed. “Honestly, it’s so beat up already, why does it matter?”

“There’s a very specific method to the way I deface that thing,” I replied. I smiled. “I know when I do this, I’m not really your type, and it’s difficult for you to process something so orderly, but I give you my Word that you’re every bit as important as my work. For the rest of the day, I will have my cites on you.”

Discord chuckled. He then grinned like an excited kid, showing off his sharp teefs. “Do you know what tomorrow is?” he asked ecstatically.

“December fifth?” I tried to think of what was important about that date. Discord held his birthday on a different day every year, but he’d already had it this year, it wasn’t the anniversary of when we met… was it some pony thing? My eyes widened as it clicked. “Crap. Tomorrow’s Hearth’s Warming, isn’t it?” Discord nodded quickly, rubbing his paw and his talons together. I felt horrible. Watching the show, I’d always assumed that Hearth’s Warming was on the 25th as well, but nope, it was on the 5th. Even after a few years of ponies and other Equestrians being on Earth, and even after dating Discord for two years, I still forgot that the Pony holiday was so much earlier. Did I have anything I could give him? Yes. I’d just need about half an hour uninterrupted to finish it.

I cleared my throat. “Discord, I’m so sorry. It totally slipped my mind.” Discord deflated with the sound of air being let out of a balloon, sagging onto my bed. I sighed. “I was going to get you something, but I thought I still had a few weeks.”

“Did you get me anything?” Discord asked with that shining eye “you’ve really hurt me,” expression I hated.

I shook my head. “You’re notoriously difficult to shop for, and I haven’t been paid yet, so-”

Discord sprang back up like a jack-in-the-box, a huge grin on his muzzle. “Oh, well if that’s all!” He snapped his fingers and a giant bag of Bits dropped into my lap. “I’m taking you to Equis, and you’re going to buy me something amazing!” he shouted. His mane grew into lustrous locks that flowed around his face and began to sparkle. In between the two of us, the words, “Because I’m Worth It! ®” appeared.

I snickered at that goofy display. “You do know there’s more to the holidays than piles of loot, right?” Discord shrugged. I sighed. “I’ll have to present that lesson later, I guess,” I said with an eye roll and grin. “I’ll have to gift through my notes of course, I have a lot of them that I treasure.”

“That one was a stretch,” Discord said. I shrugged. “You’re going to want to get a coat, Equis actually has these things called seasons,” he said.

“I’ve heard about those in storybooks and songs, but we’ve never had them here,” I replied. “A Mediterranean climate has some disadvantages. I’ll go change out of my shorts and put some shoes on.” I changed into my favorite hoodie and some slacks. Discord peered at my feet.

“Those shoes are not made for snow,” he pointed out.

“They’re all I have, ok?” Discord held out a pair of boots in my size. “I really hate you sometimes,” I said, sticking my tongue out.

“No you don’t,” Discord replied cheerfully as I laced them up.

“Shall we?” I asked, pointing at the door.

As we headed out, I spotted a small group of ponies, which wasn’t that unusual for my town. I lived in a major agrarian area, so Earth Ponies were a gift from the gods. They weren’t brute labor, they’d actually volunteered to help, since their magic was of the most use in areas like this. They were well paid, since their work was phenomenal. Although, they were obviously weirded out by the fact that we also used horses that were from Earth next to them in other parts of the country. It was a bit awkward on both sides.

Ponies looked more like traditional horses than they did in the show, although their proportions were very different. They also averaged at about 3-4 feet tall. I think Celestia was about five feet, which meant that I was taller than the Princess. Mind you, when he stood up straight, Discord could lean against the top of my head like I was an end table.

The group of ponies were all singing what I knew to be Hearth’s Warming carols, and as we passed, I dropped a handful of Bits into the hat in front of them, which caused them to smile and wave cheerfully. Further up the road, a group of ponies were breaking into a spontaneous musical number, and even some humans joined in, which caused me to laugh.

The portal to Equis was located in one of the only nice spots in town to keep ponies from being mugged or flashed whenever they came here. When we came to it, I looked at Discord expectantly. He cleared his throat. “Canterlot,” he said. The portal hummed to life.

As we stepped through, I shivered as the temperature plummeted. As a plebe and a human, as well as a friend of Discord, Canterlot ponies could be rather rude to me, but I just let it slide. Discord practically dragged me down the street to a large shop, with an expression of glee. Before I could glance at the sign, Discord pulled me in. My jaw dropped. We were in a bookstore, but not like any one I’d seen before. If I didn’t know better, I’d have said the shop was bigger on the inside as a labyrinth of shelves stacked with thousands of books stretched before me. It was one of the most beautiful things I’d ever seen.

Discord grinned. “I’ll buy you any one book you like. One book, I’m not made of money.”

“Har, har,” I said with an eye roll. I wandered the stacks. I knew very little of Equestrian literature, it was going to take hours to narrow it down to one book. I decided to try the fiction section.

As I was trying to find a good book, someone cleared their throat behind me. In clear narration, Discord began to read aloud to me.

“As the two stood on a cliff, the waves breaking below them, she knew that this, this was it. This was her destiny calling to her. Azure Blue had never seen such a stallion as Rough N’Tumble before. They would have been forbidden to be together, but at that moment, all caution was thrown to the winds above them. She knew that she desired him more than anything else, and he was passionately in love with her as well. She slowly trotted towards him; her stride confident. One they were close enough, the Pegasus wrapped his wings around her, and the two began a kiss that lit fire in their souls. He tasted of hay and cider, and it was the most pleasing thing she had ever tasted. Deep in her heart, she felt the stirrings of love. Further down, she felt a stirring of-”

“DISCORD!!!” My shout echoed throughout the store.

“What?” Discord asked with an impish grin, “Can’t a Spirit read a saddle ripper to his boyfriend?”

“Not when that boyfriend is me,” I growled.

The owner of the store approached us with a glare. In icy tones, he said, “I think it would be best if the two of you were to leave.”

Discord’s eyes widened. “I’m so sorry, it was my fault, I-”

“Perhaps, but he’s the one with no indoor voice,” the owner said, pointing at me.

“Now look here-”

“Discord, drop it, he’s right. Let’s just go.”

Discord misfiled the book he’d been reading to me. I have exceptional hearing for a human, and an inability to filter sounds out. As we headed out, I heard the owner mutter, “I don’t know why Celestia keeps letting them in.”

I turned and stalked back over to him. Baring my teeth, I growled, “I. Heard. That.” As a species, humans don’t have many physically threatening features, but I’ve been reliably informed that I’m terrifying when I’m angry. The stallion backed away hurriedly. I stormed out of the store with Discord trailing behind me.

“I’m really sorry about that,” Discord said with a wince.

“It’s fine,” I muttered.

“Can I buy you lunch?”

“I thought we were here to get you things,” I said with a grin.

“I have to try and make up for that.”

I nodded, and we headed down twisting paths and back alleys until we reached a hole in the wall restaurant. I have next to no sense of smell, but the aroma of spices flooded me. If we’d been on Earth, I would have said it was an Indian restaurant, but I didn’t know the Equestrian equivalent. After we were shown to our seats, I flipped through the menu. Don’t order meat, don’t order meat, don’t order- I was busy glancing through the menu. I didn’t have the right digestion system to eat most pony foods, about all I could manage was a carrot dog. I spotted something I wasn’t expecting. Huh. Maybe they have griffons sometimes? I told the waitress, “Could I have the curried crab?” She nodded. Discord ordered Alu Gobi. “You know I’m going to want to try that, right?”

Discord nodded. “As long as I can get a forkful of yours!” I nodded.

The food was amazing. As we ate, Discord looked at me apprehensively. “I’m … sorry for the way that stallion treated you. He had no right to-”

I cut him off, practically slamming my fork down. “Do you know what some humans call humans like me who are in relationships with creatures from Equis?” Discord shook his head. I winced. I never wanted to say that word, especially not where someone could hear, and for sure not where someone could hear in Equestria. I glanced around the room. The only other couple in the room were on the other side, busy laughing and talking. Should be safe enough. Discord had even better hearing than I did. I closed my eyes and through clenched teeth whispered, “Pony%^#*er.” I’m sure you can fill in the Grawlix.

Discord dropped his plate, eyes wide. “Has anyone ever called you that?!!”

“Not to my face.”

Discord’s eyes narrowed. “That’s a ‘yes.’”

“Social media,” I said with a shrug. “It doesn’t matter if you’re with a pony, a yak, a griffon, a changeling, or even a Draconequus. It doesn’t matter if it’s different sex, same sex, or even if you’re like me and don’t actually do that.” I sighed. “I’m honestly amazed and grateful that humans and ponies get along as well as they do, but the point I’m trying to make is that sometimes prejudice is just built into people. I would say it’s just human nature, but it turns out it’s not just human nature, so that would be ethno-centric of me,” I said with a grin. “I can’t change that about people, so as long as they don’t get violent or anything, all I can do is let it go.”

Discord made a ‘Mm’ sound. “Well, since you can’t change a creature’s nature, I guess I can see your point. It still makes me angry that ponies would treat you that way.”

“I’m sort of used to being the oddball at this point in my life. Now come on, there’s got to be one store in Canterlot that’ll serve me!”

“You obviously haven’t spent much time here,” Discord said with an eye roll.

After I’d picked out a small gift for me and a large one for Discord, I handed him the gift bag. “You’re letting me see it?” Discord asked in shock.

“NO. I’m letting you teleport it to my apartment so that I can have my arms free.” Discord obliged, giving a theatrical bow.

Discord grinned. “I know how much you love snow, since you never get it, so…” He snapped his fingers, and we were in the middle of a blizzard. “Cold enough for you?” he asked with an evil smirk.

I nodded, starting to shiver and loving it.

Discord bent down and started to pack some snow into a perfect octahedron. He turned around. “EAT SLUSH – OH NO!” he screamed in terror. Whap. Whap. Whap. Whap. Whap. From under the pile of snow he was buried in, Discord’s muffled voice said, “How did you make that many snowballs that quickly?”

“Quick and shoddy craftsmanship, it’s all anybody knows. We can’t all take the time to consecrate our snowballs. Want me to dig you out?”

“Yes.”

I pulled Discord out. He was now bright blue and shivering with icicles hanging from him. “You ok?”

“The Crystal Empire’s just over that ridge. I’m going to get us some hot chocolate, be right back.”

I nodded and let him go, finally starting to feel cold. I heard what sounded like the wind, although it was more musical than normal. I smiled at the thought. I squinted through the snow. Was that a horse? No, just some fog shaped like a horse. It was gone in a blink. I yelped when something breathed icy wind right into my ear. Turning, I saw a Windigo. My eyes widened. I then heard more as a whole flurry of them appeared seemingly out of nowhere and surrounded me. There had to be twenty Windigos here. I was completely surrounded by creatures that amplified and fed on hate… Oh, no.

I knew it wouldn’t do any good, but I turned and ran. Buck, buck, buck, buck, BUCK!!! “DISCORD!!!!” I screamed to the freezing winds. But no one came. Images and memories filled my mind. “GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!” I screamed at the Windigos. I suddenly stopped running as my feet were encased in a block of ice. It quickly spread up to my knees, moving at a speed almost too fast to watch. I’m going to die. I tried to scream, but I was cut off as my head was frozen. The last thing I heard before I blacked out was an enraged snarl.

I woke to a rapid beeping, lying down in a hospital bed. “Hey there,” a stallion doctor said warmly. “How you feeling?”

“Like I was hit by a cement truck and then buried in cement. I’ll live.”

“You’re lucky your coltfriend found you as quickly as he did, or you’d be dead.”

“Yeah,” I said, feeling a little fuzzy. I glanced down. Thank God, I was in a hospital gown and not naked, although the gown looked like it was for a dragon, not a human.

The doctor said, “This isn’t any of my business, but I’m curious: That many Windigos would only be attracted to a severe source of hate. Do you have any thoughts on that?”

I sat up. “I’ve got an acute case of raging misanthropy, which the holidays always bring out. I was practically ringing the dinner bell. I’m working on it. Can I go?”

The doctor nodded. “You’re good to go. Happy Hearth’s Warming!”

I nodded. “You too.” I facepalmed. “How am I going to convince my insurance to cover a magical accident in another universe?” I groaned.

“There’s no charge, it was just a simple defrosting,” the doctor said with a smile. “Not really worth the paperwork.”

“Um … wow. Thank you!” He nodded.

Discord picked me up. “I shouldn’t have left you.”

“You didn’t know, don’t beat yourself up. Right now, I just want to go home.”

Discord nodded and we were suddenly in his living room. Discord set me on the couch. A Hearth’s Warming tree glittered in colors that belonged in a Lovecraft work in the corner. In front of us was a fireplace with a stack of logs to one side. Discord tossed a log in and breathed golden fire into the fireplace. As the log started to burn, the smell of cooking bacon and roasting coffee filled the room.

Discord sat next to me. “So ….”

I sighed. “It’s not your fault. I feel like I kind of ruined your Hearth’s Warming Eve.”

“It’s not your fault either. I’m just happy you’re all right, that could have gone much worse.”

I nodded and shivered at the thought. Once I started shivering, I couldn’t stop. The temperature plummeted. “Can you turn the heat up?” I begged.

Discord raised an eyebrow. “It’s seventy degrees in here.”

“I’m really cold all of a sudden.”

“Anything I can do?”

“Not really, I’m sure it’ll pass.” I chuckled. “Times like these, I almost wish I had a fur coat.”

I heard the sound of snapping fingers. “What – WHOOOAAA!” I wriggled out of my now too big clothes and got to my hooves. “Very funny Discord.” I glared at him.

“Ohmigosh, you are adorable as a pony!”

I was about to come up with a devastating comeback when I started shivering again. I was losing the feeling in my legs. All four of them. “Can you please make it warmer?” I asked with puppy-dog eyes.

Discord put a fist to his chest and made a sound that would have been spelled, “Hhnng!” He toppled backwards, landing on the floor, stiff as a plank.

“Discord?” He didn’t respond. I rushed over to him, nearly tripping a few times. His glassy eyes stared up at the ceiling. “Discord?!!” I put my ear to his chest. I couldn’t hear his hearts beating. I ran a hoof through my mane, starting to panic. “Oh my god, I killed the lord of chaos!”

Flashing blue and red lights appeared outside the window, along with a siren. A copy of Discord dressed in an E.M.T.’s uniform (minus the pants) rushed into the room and motioned for me to stand aside. He rubbed his paw and talons together, electricity sparking between them. He placed them on the original Discord’s chest, and Discord jerked before he sat up and coughed. “Thanks,” he told the other Discord. The other Discord saluted and headed out the door. Discord glared at me. “That look you just gave me has lethal amounts of cuteness. Don’t do that again!”

I nodded, my teeth starting to chatter. Discord placed the back of his talons on my forehead. “Faust, you’re freezing!” he exclaimed. He picked me up and rushed to his bedroom, curling around me as he drew a blanket over us. His fur was nicely warm, but I was still cold. “I’m going to get us some more blankets,” he said.

“Don’t leave.”

“I’m not going to.”

A second (third?) Discord rushed in and handed himself a set of thick blankets. “Move over,” he said. Both versions of Discord curled protectively around me, the three of us sharing body heat.

I sighed. That was helping already. “That must be a really useful skill. … You know … If I wasn’t ace, I’d be having all kinds of thoughts about being in my boyfriend’s bed with two versions of him. Unfortunately, I don’t know what to picture.”

Both Discords snickered, sounding like a nest of snakes. “Nice to see your mouth hasn’t frozen shut yet,” one said. “Any better?” the other asked.

I nodded, feeling sleepy. I’d had a long day. “I’m just going to keep my eyes shut for a minute.” I buried my muzzle into one of the Discord’s chests. He smelled like fresh earth, and the sidewalk after it rains, and new books, and kelp, and … was that licorice? “Are you smelling like my favorite things on purpose?” I murmured.

“No,” they both said.

I inhaled deeply. “Well, I’m enjoying the improved sense of smell. Don’t watch me while I sleep, that’s just creepy. ‘Night.”

“’Night!” Both of my boyfriends replied.

I woke up the next morning wrapped in a flour tortilla. Blinking in the light streaming through a window, I glanced up and saw that the furniture in the room was floating. Oh. I was in Chaosville. I was … a pony? It all came flooding back to me. I nearly died. Well, it could have gone worse I suppose. I stretched like a cat and trotted into the kitchen.

“Morning!” Discord called cheerfully.

“Discord, why was I in a tortilla when I woke up?”

“You told me you liked being wrapped up like a burrito. I just made it more literal.”

I chuckled. Same old Discord. “Man, a premium burrito sounds so good right now!” I said, starting to salivate. I was suddenly sitting at a table with a napkin tied around my neck, a covered dish in front of me.

Discord lifted it up and steam flooded out. “Bon appetite! It’s vegetarian, I wouldn’t recommend eating meat as a pony.”

I nodded and messily dug in, eating like a feral animal. Discord chuckled at my savage spectacle of gluttony. When I was done, I wiped my mouth with the back of my hoof and sighed happily. “Thanks. Happy Hearth’s Warming!” I said in an excited tone. “Let me just go home and I’ll get you your presents.”

BAM! I glanced around. I was back in my apartment. “Well, he’s excited anyway.” I glanced down. I was still a pony. I facehoofed. “You forgot to change me back!” I shouted. Nothing. I grumbled. Thankfully I still had my phone, so I could at least call him. I glanced around. Well, not like I need to hide it much longer. I dug something out of the top of my closet and grabbed my knitting bag. Thankfully, my hooves were somehow dexterous enough to work with, even if I had no earthly idea how that worked. I quickly wound different shades of yarn around a couple of DVDs, snipping them in half. I worked quickly, and in half an hour the fringe was on. I wrapped the gift up and clumsily wrapped it in a gift bag, before I put something else in. I signed the card, “To my favorite noodle, from your ~~boy~~ coltfriend.”

“OK, you can look now!” No reply. I sighed and got my phone off the shelf with my teeth. I then realized something vitally important. I could turn the screen on, but my hooves couldn’t press the “buttons” on my smart phone screen. Most phone companies now made phones for creatures with hooves, but mine was designed for a human. There were “hands free” apps for if you knew a pony would regularly be using your phone, but I would have needed to be able to install them. Which meant I would have needed to be able to use my phone, so that I could use my phone at this moment. I could call Discord and ask him to give me my hands back … so that I could call him. This was getting redundant. I appeared to have reached an impasse. I gave an angry snort. My reflection in a window caught my eye.

Huh. I’m a Unicorn. That would have been helpful to know … but smart screens don’t register levitation, and I don’t know how to do that. My horn’s about the right size and shape. Worth a shot.

I set my phone down. Jab. “Ow.” Jab. “Ow.” Jab, scroll, scroll. “Ow.” Jab. “Ow.” Jab. “OW!!!” Thank God I’d used those last two to call Discord and put him on speaker phone. White spots flashed in front of my eyes as pain ricocheted throughout my skull. I rubbed my head with a hoof. “Well, that explains why Unicorns fence with swords in their mouths and not their horns.”

Discord’s voice came on. “Yes?”

“Come and get your presents! And bring some aspirin, you forgot to change me back!”

“Why? You’re perfect like that!”

I nearly leaped out of my skin. “You really need a bell around your neck.” I hung up the call.

“Nah!” Discord rubbed his hands together. I picked up the bag with my mouth and handed it to him.

“Open the top one first!” Discord pulled out a journal. “I, uh, thought you might like to write your life story. At least the highlights, anyway. I know you’ve been alive a long time.”

“A very long time,” Discord said with a grin, “You’re dating an old man. I’m going to need a bigger journal but thank you.” He pulled out the second item. He kept pulling for about two minutes, and it wound up trailing over itself on the floor. It was a 15-foot-long scarf in a random pattern of different colored and sized stripes with a multicolored fringe that was all different heights.

“I uh, figured that might wrap around your stupid noodle neck a few times. You’re lucky I only had to put the fringe on a few more times, I thought I still had almost three weeks!”

Discord’s eyes were wide as he peered at the scarf critically, examining every stripe. After a while, he said, “Well, I don’t like it.”

I shut my eyes. Crap. That’s all I could afford to make for him. I –

“I LOVE IT!!!” Discord shouted. I let out a sigh of relief. “It’s perfect! It’s ordered chaos! How long did this take you to make?”

“It works up quickly, but since February. I don’t have as much free time as I used to. Can you please turn me back into a human now?!”

Discord grinned wickedly. “It’s a pony holiday, therefore you will spend it as a pony.” He pulled at his goatee. “Though to be honest, I see you as more of a gryphon.”

“Why’s that?”

“Well, in Earth mythology, Gryphons are noble and majestic creatures who guard priceless objects and firmly protect those they love. That’s how I see you.”

“You obviously have me confused with someone else. You do know that in Earth mythology, Gryphons are also incredibly hostile to horses, right?”

“Luckily for me, I’m not a horse!” Discord replied with a grin.

I sighed and sat down on my haunches. I cleared my throat. “Discord … there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you, and now’s as good a time as any. Could I – Could I move in with you?”

“What?” Discord thumped his head a few times and a puddle of wax dripped out of his ears.

“I’ve been thinking about it for a while. I mean, we’re not in a long-distance relationship or anything, but I want to spend more time with you. I like just being around you. Don’t get me wrong, Earth is still my home, and you’d have to drop me off at work and pick me up but … Cuddling with you last night was one of the best things I’ve had. Waking up as a burrito was fun too, but I think I’d like to start waking up with you. I know how cheesy and cliché that is, but it’s true. I’ll pay rent!”

Discord picked me up and twirled me around, a huge grin on his face. “Of course you can move in! Why would I make you pay rent, the place is free! It’s not like I haven’t got room in here. I could build you your own house if you wanted it! Let’s go grab your stuff!”

“Hold your horses, it’s not that easy to change my address. There’s a lot I’d have to do, ok? It’s going to take a few months or so. Besides, I’m a packrat,” I said with a grin.

Discord gave me a noogie and set me on the floor. Before he could say anything else, there was a sound like a demonic roster greeting the dawn of the end days. Discord pulled his phone out. Oh. It was his text alert. Discord’s phone made a different sound every time he got a notification, so I never knew what to expect. “Oh!” Discord scrolled through the text, then put his phone back. He suddenly looked guilty.

“What’s up?”

“The girls invited me to a Hearth’s Warming Dinner tonight. I don’t want to leave you here on your own … Would you like to come with me?”

I nodded with a huge smile. “Discord, my family hasn’t invited me to Christmas Dinner for almost ten years. I’d be honored to go with you. I hope I can find my cummerbund. Could you help me pick out my outfit?”

Discord gave me a wolfish grin. “Oh, you might not need to…”

I knew that smile. Uh oh.

Discord popped into existence in Twilight’s castle, dressed in an extravagant yellow tuxedo, minus the pants. Fluttershy ran up to him and he picked her up and twirled her around. “Flutter-butter!” he cheered. He gave her a peck on the check. “I’ve missed you!”

“I’ve missed you too Discord. Um. Who’s this?”

Trailing uncertainly behind Discord was a Gryphon. Instead of a cross between an eagle and a lion, he was a mix of a scarlet macaw and a cougar, with blue eyes. He was wearing a black top hat, and a long red scarf.

“Everypony, this is my tomfriend!”

“Oh, I’m sorry Discord,” Fluttershy said sympathetically. “I know you really liked that human you were dating.”

My wings fluffed up in anger. “I AM the human he’s dating!” I shouted. “Discord thought it would be funny to change my species, since it’s an Equestrian holiday today, and I can see his point.”

“Oh! I’m sorry,” Fluttershy said.

I shrugged. “You had no way of knowing.”

“What do you think?” Twilight asked with curiosity. “I’ve never talked to anyone who’s changed species before.”

“It’s … different, but kind of fun. Mind you, I feel completely naked for obvious reasons.”

“You’re not naked,” Twilight said.

“Ah, yes, the fact that I have two pieces of clothing on which cover nothing means I’m fully clothed.”

Fluttershy giggled. “I can see why you like him Discord.”

Discord leaned over, “That scarf really clashes with your plumage.”

“My mother made me this, and I will wear it until it unravels!” I glanced at the scarf. “Which should be any day now,” I sighed. A sudden thought struck me. I snickered. “Heh. Heh. Heh.”

“Oh no, I know that sinister chuckle,” Discord said. “What is it?”

🎵“I’m not wearing any paaaaannnnts!”🎶 I said in sing song.

“So? I never wear pants,” Discord said.

“Yes, but that’s normal for you. Mind you, there are times I wish you had a bloody enormous fig leaf or something,” I said with an eye roll.

Discord almost choked on his laughter. “I’m starving! Let’s eat.”

The evening went pretty well. We all swapped stories.

“So that was when I learned that Discord’s head makes a really good volleyball,” I said.

“Oh yeah?” Discord countered. “What about the time you organized my library by genre and author?” He shuddered. “It was horrible!”

As the evening wound down, I started to yawn. “I’m getting done,” I muttered.

Discord nodded. “Night everypony!” He scooped me up. “Home, James!” he commanded. In a flash of light, we were snuggled in Discord’s bed.

I awkwardly wrapped my wings around him and jabbed him with my beak in an attempt at a kiss.

“Ow!”

“Sorry! You know you’re going to have to change me back, right?”

Discord traced a finger along the edge of my wing. “You’re beautiful,” he murmured. “You could just stay like that, if you wanted to.”

I opened my beak to snap at him, then shut it again. Huh. I thought it over. I reviewed my second thoughts, and then my third through my sixth thoughts. I chuckled. “I’m, um. Wow. I’m actually tempted to take you up on that offer.”

“Really?” Discord asked with a wide, genuine smile.

“Discord, I just moved in with you. Sort of. In the near future. Don’t make me change my address and my species on the same day!” I sighed. “I’d need time to think it over. A lot of time. And I’d need to spend a couple months in each body to see which I like better.”

“Well, you’d enjoy being a gryphon more than a pony. Ponies can’t eat bacon, gryphons can. You could use your talons as fingers. Plus, you’d be able to fly!”

“I’m scared of heights,” I muttered.

Discord chuckled. “Once you learn to fly; you’d get over that very quickly.”

I sighed. I pointed at myself. “You do know if I decide to do this, you’re going to have to teach me how to preen my wings? And groom my fur? And use my beak? And what I can eat now? And a whole bunch of other stuff I can’t think of off the top of my head. Plus everyone who knows me would have to get used to the fact that’d I’d be a human in a Gryphon’s body, and not the other way around.”

Discord chuckled and kissed me on the top of my head. “We can take it slow, but I’m glad you’re actually thinking about it. I was entirely serious, I didn’t do this entirely as a joke, and I really think you’d like it. You really are beautiful,” he said.

“I wasn’t exactly hideous as a human,” I countered. Discord chuckled. “Well. I’ll think it over. Right now I just want to go to sleep, wrapped up in my favorite fluff noddle. I-” My eyes widened. “Huh. Weird.”

“What’s up?”

“I dunno. All of a sudden, I really want a cracker.”

Discord started to die laughing.

Author's Note

So ... yeah. Wrote a sequel. This story is 1% puns, 30% fluff, and 69% over-used cliches. Oh well. Also, Discord is completely out of character.

...

(Yes, I know the holidays aren't for two months, I just wanted to post this before I forgot it! *Hides from angry mob.*) :twilightoops: