To The Heart Through the Stomach

“Four hundred and ninety-four, four hundred and ninety-five,” said Api Apple as she counted off the bits that laid on the stall. The earth filly spent the last two hours selling off the last batch of quiche squares. It was five minutes to four in the afternoon and closing time was fast approaching. Api was pretty upbeat over all the good fortune that befell her that day and by the time she was finished counting her bits it all added up to five hundred. After counting her profits, she scooped them into a huge bag and closed the top. “Way to go, Api,” she thought out loud. “You made five hundred bits in a successful business, you helped Prism Bolt patch things up with Whirlwind and you helped Echo snag herself a cute colt. Ya did good, Api. Ya did real good!” Suddenly there was the sound of painful moaning and groaning that bordered on crying. Api turned to her left and found Prism Bolt and his little brother Icy Storm moving in her direction. Both brothers were hovering off the ground while flapping their wings and they were holding onto their stomachs with their fore hooves. They also had the look of absolute agony on their faces. Api meanwhile stared at the brothers with shock and confusion. Usually they both trotted around puffing their chests while making some flirty comment whenever a mare walked by. “What’s with you two?” asked Api with a cocked eyebrow.

“My stomach is giving me a major beat down,” groaned Prism. “It hurts so much that I can’t even trot.”

“My stomach’s killing me too,” said Icy with a painful moan. “I think it’s something we ate.” Icy’s eyes then widened when he came to a sudden realization. “Like your nasty quiche squares!” he said pointing an accusatory hoof at Api. Both Prism and Icy then hovered away holding their stomachs and continuing with their painful groaning. Api’s head snapped back and she became baffled at Icy’s accusation. “Nothing’s wrong with my quiche squares,” she called out. “Quiche squares are good. My five hundred bits said they’re good!” From the corner of her eye Api noticed someone approaching her at her left. Api turned to her left and found Starburst coming her way. Surprisingly Starburst too was hovering off the ground instead of trotting and she displayed a look of queasiness. Her massive wings flapped as she held onto her stomach and let out painful groaning. Api did not seem to notice the princess’ state. “Hey, Star, you’ll never believe what just happened,” said the earth filly. “Prism and Icy came around saying that my quiche squares were so bad it gave them stomach aches. Everypony’s a critic.”

“Hey!” shouted Starburst as she pointed a stern hoof at Api. “If your quiche squares have anything to do with why I feel like something’s trying to rip through my stomach, you’re dead meat!” A loud rumble escaped the princess’s stomach and she let out a painful groan. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to get to the Ponyville Hospital quick!” said Starburst. She then hovered away leaving Api alone with her thoughts.

What Api just witnessed was awfully similar to an incident that her Auntie Applejack once joked about. One day Applejack was helping Pinkie Pie bake muffins at Sugarcube Corner. But Applejack was so sleep deprived and exhausted after spending that entire week clearing the apple trees of their apples at Sweet Apple Acres all by herself. As a result, Applejack could not follow Pinkie Pie’s instructions to the letter and ended up putting the wrong ingredients in the muffin mixture which caused a good fraction of Ponyville’s citizens including Pinkie Pie to contract food poisoning. “No, this can’t be my fault,” said Api shaking her head vigorously. “I was awake when Del told me the ingredients and I did everything right. I used the right ingredients for the filling, I measured them all correctly, I made the crust exactly the way Del made it, I baked it to the right temperature, Echo put it in the refrigerator…” The earth filly then froze at her last statement. She then looked towards the back of Sugarcube Corner where the fridge was located. She trotted towards the back where she found the refrigerator’s plug laying near the refrigerator. She looked towards the refrigerator that was sealed tight and trotted towards it. She stood on her hind hooves and pushed against the lid of the refrigerator with her front hooves in an effort to open the refrigerator. She let out a grunt as she kept pushing against the lid. After a few seconds the lid flew open and a foul stench hit Api’s nostrils. The stench caused her to let out a groan and fall backwards. She could not believe that such a stench could possibly be coming from the refrigerator. She got back on her hooves and slowly trotted back towards the opened refrigerator. She looked down into the refrigerator and saw the white boxes of quiche squares. She opened one box and found it oozing with the filling. Worse of all the stench was overwhelming. Api turned away sharply from the refrigerator and held her nose. “Sweet Princesses!” exclaimed the earth filly. “It is the quiche squares!”

***

“Brilliant, Nidra!” said Photo Finish as she snapped her camera at Nidra. “Brilliant!” The bat alicorn was striking poses against a simulated backdrop of Vanhoover wearing a white jersey skirt designed by none other than Rarity herself. Rarity and her family looked on as the young princess seemed to be enjoying herself. Turquoise had a look of disgust on his face. As much as he considered Nidra to be a friend to some extent, being in Photo Finish’s magazine was something Turquoise believed Nidra did not deserve. However, he was too much of a gentlecolt to let everypony know how he truly felt over this injustice. As Nidra continued to exert confidence and poise in every photo that the fashion photographer took, Nidra suddenly felt a sharp pain in her stomach which made her stop in her tracks. She then held her stomach and let out a painful moan. “Princess, vot’s wrong?” asked Photo Finish. The fashion photographer then started to trot towards the princess. Bile rushed up to Nidra’s mouth making her cheeks swell. She then retched and a huge amount of projectile vomit flew from her mouth and landed all over Photo Finish. Photo Finish jumped back and beheld her condition in shock. “Mein dress!” exclaimed the fashion photographer. “It’s ruined!” Suddenly Photo Finish’s cheeks swelled and she vomited on the floor. Rarity meanwhile felt a sudden pain in her stomach and a loud rumble followed. Her cheeks swelled and she vomited projectile vomit right onto her husband’s chest. A loud rumble was also heard from Spike’s stomach and he too vomited a huge amount of projectile vomit right on top of Rarity. Claire’s cheeks swelled and projectile vomit flew from her mouth onto her little brother’s chest like water escaping from a hose. Turquoise in turn vomited right on top of his older sister after a loud rumble was heard from his stomach. All the members of Photo Finish’s entourage soon started vomiting projectile vomit all over Carousel Boutique. After their first bout of vomiting everyone started vomiting again.

***

“I just don’t know what happened, Cotton Candy,” said Anthea as she walked with the earth pony mare. “One minute I was doing just fine but when I started to walk back the runway got very oily and slippery.”

“Yeah, you were so close,” said Cotton Candy. “Nidra’s already a princess of Equestria. She doesn’t need to be in that fashion magazine.” The two young mares then started to make their way over a bridge. Suddenly a loud rumble was heard from Cotton Candy’s stomach which was picked up with Anthea’s sharp sense of hearing. “Is that your stomach again, Cotton Candy?” asked the unicorn mare. “I don’t know how you could be hungry after you had those quiche squares. Maybe we should grab some hay burgers.”

“Please, don’t talk about food,” said Cotton Candy with a groan.

“Cotton Candy, what’s wrong,” asked Anthea with concern. Cotton Candy felt bile rush from her stomach to her mouth. Cotton Candy’s cheeks swelled and she rushed over to the bridge’s railing. She retched causing a huge amount of projectile vomit to rain downwards. Unfortunately, a stallion and a mare having a romantic moment in a boat got soaked by all what Cotton Candy ate that day.

***

At The Friendship Castle Princess Twilight, her husband Flash Sentry and Nightlight Jr. were all seated in the living room entertaining the presence of a female guest. The guest was a representative of the Royal School for Gifted Unicorns formerly known as Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns which was changed after Princess Luna’s return from banishment. Such a school was an extremely hard school to enroll in and Nightlight’s parents were present to show their support. Nightlight was dressed in a business suit while Twilight was dressed in an elegant dress and her husband was dressed in a uniform. “Alright, Nightlight,” began the representative. “I see that you have an amazing ability to solve equations and other probabilities. But other than that, why should The Royal School for Gifted Unicorns consider you?”

“Well, I know that I can’t expect to be enrolled purely on the basis of my mom being The Princess of Friendship,” said Nightlight. “It’s certainly not something I’m entitled to being a prince. But I’ve always been interested in magic and I’ve seen how magic was able to help Equestria lots of times. I mean, I’ve helped my mother out in lot of trying situations.”

“Is this true, Princess?” asked the representative.

“Oh yes,” said Twilight proudly. “From an early age my son has demonstrated that he has an exceptional magical ability. I’ve been doing my part to help him hone his skills in the few teaching sessions I’ve been having with another student.”

“Nightlight helped me too,” said Flash Sentry. “Whenever I trained new recruits Night Light had the ability to recreate simulations like monsters and other threats so it was pretty useful.”

“That is quite interesting,” said the representative. “However, I still believe you may have another reason for wanting to enroll at our school. Am I right, Prince?”

“Well, now that you’ve mentioned it,” said Nightlight with slight hesitation. “I feel that my magic skills need more work. When I grow up, I want to be able to protect Equestria like any royal should because that shouldn’t only fall on my mother and the other Royals of Equestria. I want to inspire a lot of colts and fillies, not just unicorns, but pegasasi and earth ponies to show them that they could help Equestria in their own way and that they don’t need magic to…” before Nightlight could finish a loud rumble from his stomach was heard. The unicorn colt held his stomach, hunched over and let out a pained groan. Twilight and Flash rushed over to their son while the representative looked on with concern in her eyes. “Nightlight sweetie, are you alright?” said Twilight.

“Do you need any help, Your Highness?” said the representative. Suddenly Nightlight’s cheeks swelled. He looked up and a huge amount of projectile vomit flew from his mouth and right onto the representative. The representative let out a yelp and a mixture of horror and disgust appeared on her face as she beheld her state. She was completely covered with vomit and bile. Twilight and Flash looked on in shock and disbelief. Soon their focus shifted from their son to the representative. They both rushed over to the representative to console her. “I’m so, so sorry about all this, Madam,” said Twilight as she placed her hoof on the representative’s shoulder. “My son didn’t mean it.” Just then, Nightlight retched and an even bigger amount of projectile vomit landed on both Twilight and Flash Sentry. Both parents’ eyes went as wide as dinner plates as they became drenched in bile. “Nightlight!” exclaimed Twilight as she glared at her son.

***

Princess Flurry Heart sat in her chambers with a small crowd of children surrounding her as she read from a story book that her Auntie Twilight once read to her as a foal. At the door were two royal guards. The colts and fillies were from an orphanage in Phillydelphia and were guests of honor at the Crystal Castle. The older sister of Prince Valiant Heart was more than happy to entertain her guest and fill in for her parents who were busy attending to royal duties. While Valiant Heart always had his fun with Starburst, Flurry always acted like a second mother to her cousin whenever her Auntie Twilight and Uncle Flash were absent. Flurry would set strict boundaries and rules for Starburst much to Starburst’s annoyance. Although Starburst would not admit it, she was severely jealous of her older cousin. “And while nopony tried to reach Cloudsdale on hoof, Gusty the Great was not deterred,” read Flurry dramatically. “She and her unicorn warriors marched up the hill. But suddenly they encountered…” Flurry then made a dramatic pause.

“What was it? What was it?” asked a filly as she and the other foals moved closer to the princess with eagerness and suspense.

“It was the treacherous Grogar,” answered Flurry. “And Gusty could tell that he was ready for battle. Gusty called out to her unicorn warriors…” Suddenly a loud rumble followed by a sharp pain in Flurry’s stomach prevented her from finishing her sentence. She held onto her stomach and let out a painful moan. The colts and fillies looked on in confusion and concern. “Are you alright, Princess?” asked a colt.

“There’s something wrong with me,” answered Flurry with a groan. “This morning Prince Valiant Heart gave me a box of quiche squares and…” She stopped mid sentence when another loud rumble left her aching stomach.

“Prince Valiant Heart?” asked a second filly excitedly. “The Prince Valiant Heart?”

“He’s so dreamy!” swooned a third filly.

One of the guards rushed to the princess’s side. “Should we take you to the hospital, Your Highness?” asked the guard. As if to answer his question Flurry’s cheeks swelled and a huge amount of projectile vomit escaped from her mouth and splattered all over the guard. The guard jumped back in shock and disgust and the chambers echoed with a chorus of “Ewws!” from the foals present.

***

Princess Cadence and Shining Armor were at the Crystal Castle’s Royal Hall hosting the Mayor of Baltimare and his wife. The Mayor and his family were on an official visit to The Crystal Empire to negotiate the development of a coal facility that would help generate new jobs in the Empire and invite more cities to do business in the Crystal Empire. The only thing left to do was for officials from The Crystal Empire and Baltimare to sign an official agreement between the two cities. At the Royal Hall there was a gala in honor of the Baltimare mayor and his wife. As Princess Cadence and Shining Armor were engaged in conversation with the mayor and his wife, Cadence and Shining Armor suddenly felt pains in their stomachs that turned their jovial moods into pure agony. As the mayor and his wife approached to offer some assistance both Cadence and Shining Armor regurgitated all over the mayor and his wife in a hail of projectile vomit. The site of Shining Armor and Cadence committing such a disgusting act caused all those in attendance to stop in their tracks and react in both shock and disgust. Little did anyone know that earlier that day Valiant Heart had offered both Cadence and Shining Armor a box of quiche squares as a way of helping his parents get ready for a potentially stressful day in dealing with the visiting dignitaries.

***

At Sweetie Belle’s home Sweetie Belle and her husband Button Mash were entertaining First Insight, a writer for the entertainment magazine Equestria Entertainment Weekly. Being one of the best singers in Equestria Sweetie Belle knew all too well the importance of the entertainment press in terms of promoting oneself and giving the public insight on her personal life in order to relate to the common pony; insight with a few exceptions of course. The veteran female entertainment reporter First Insight, armed with a notepad containing questions and tape recorder had a reputation for being fair and impartial. Two traits that were seriously lacking when it came to entertainment news, especially when more emphasis was given to gossip rather than cold, hard facts. “So how do you balance the life of a top notch singer with family life?” asked First Insight.

“Well, as any wife and mother would tell you it’s not easy at all,” replied Sweetie Belle with a calm smile. “The way I spend time with my family is by inviting them to tour with me and bringing them into the studio. This is when Button isn’t busy and when Pixel doesn’t have school.”

“I see,” said First Insight. “You two have been married for…how long?”

“Twelve years,” replied Button Mash with a proud smile.

“Well, I guess most ponies would like to know how you managed to make it work so far. I mean, for most ponies in this business, marriage is bound to end as fast as it starts.”

“Well, there’s a mutual understanding and respect between us,” said Sweetie Belle. “Button Mash understands that singing is my passion and that’s going to take me away from the family for a while. Plus, he’s been very supportive ever since I told him this is what I wanted to do.”

“I understand you’ve known each other since elementary school and you started dating when you were in high school, is that right?” said First Insight.

“That’s right,” said Button Mash. “We didn’t exactly hit it off until she along with her friends started helping me find the true meaning of my cutiemark. Ever since then we’ve been inseparable.”

“Wow,” said Insight nodding with amazement. “Now, Sweetie Belle, you’ve recorded your first hit at age fourteen and you’ve enjoyed tremendous success since then. Two duets with Sapphire Shores and with Coloratura. By the way, Coloratura was your mentor, right?”

“Yes and she was a great mentor,” said Sweetie Belle with a smile. “She discovered me at a singing competition and with a little prodding by my sister Coloratura agreed to help me hone my skills.”

“Well, there another thing I want to touch on. You two are very different in the fact that not only are you unicorn and earth pony respectively, but you’re in music while your husband is a video game designer.”

“Like Sweetie said before, we respect each other’s differences and we’re supportive of each other’s passions,” said Button Mash.

“But don’t you feel somewhat overshadowed by your wife’s success?” asked First Insight.

“Do you really want the honest truth?” said Button Mash. “I’m a very private stallion and I much rather have Sweetie representing the family than being hounded by so many folks out there.”

“Alright,” said First Insight. “About your daughter, she’s about nine years old, right?”

“And she’s just as beautiful as her mom,” said Button proudly.

“Who do you think she mostly takes from? Is she more of a singer or a gamer?”

“Oh, she’s definitely a gamer,” said Sweetie Belle. “I’ll be the first to admit that. But she sings from time to time and has a great voice.”

Just then a soft groan was heard near the living room. Sweetie Belle, Button Mash and First Insight turned to the entrance of the living room to find Pixel Bit standing in the doorway holding onto her stomach. Her parents seemed to be unaware of her current predicament. “Oh there she is!” said Sweetie Belle smiling from ear to ear. “Come on up, honey.” Slowly the unicorn filly walked towards the couch and climbed onto the cushions seating herself between her parents. Button Mash took note of the queasy expression Pixel had on her face. “Come on, Pixel,” said Button. “Give the lady a smile.” Pixel Bit was in extreme pain in her bowels. Yet, she knew how important it was not to embarrass her mother. Slowly a weak smile formed across her face. “So, what’s it like having a famous singer for a mother, Pixel?” asked First Insight.

“It’s…okay,” said Pixel weakly with a forced smile.

““Okay”? There are a lot of kids who could only dream of having a mom like yours. I expected you to be all excited and whatnot.”

“Well, I feel like any regular kid, even with mom being a singer and all.”

Button Mash’s smile soon turned into a frown when he started to feel sharp pains in his stomach. He held onto his stomach and let out a pained groan. First Insight then took notice. “Are you alright?” she asked.

“I think I’m coming down with a little stomach ache,” Button moaned.

“Would you like to take a break?”

“No, no. Don’t worry about me.”

“So, Pixel I heard that you’re quite the gamer,” said First Insight.

“Yup, she’s beaten Button in two games already,” said Sweetie Belle.

“Is that so?” said First Insight. “So what’s your favorite game?”

Pixel grinded her teeth and went into a fetal position holding onto her stomach with both of her front hooves. “Um, you don’t look so good, dear” said First Insight with concern in her voice. Suddenly a loud rumble was heard from Sweetie Belle’s stomach. Sweetie held onto her stomach and let out a painful groan. “Pixel, what was in those quiche squares you gave us?” moaned Sweetie.

“Um, would you like me to stop the interview so that you all could go to a hospital or something?” inquired First Insight. Sweetie Belle and her family all let out pained groans. Their cheeks then swelled and they all retched vomiting a huge amount of projectile vomit onto First Insight. The entertainment reporter was now covered in bile and vomit and she let out a scream of despair.

***

Back at the Crystal Empire Captain of the Royal Guard Valiant Heart was busy inspecting members of the Crystal Empire’s Royal Guard. Earlier in the day he took a little time off from the barracks in his unicorn disguise. That afternoon was the inspection of the Royal Guards. Everything had to fit an exceptional standard in terms of dress code and posture. Nothing must be out of place. Valiant marched slowly between the platoons and companies of male and female guards. At his side was a female lieutenant helping him in his inspection. So far he could tell that the guards had their uniforms properly shined and worn to Royal Guard standard. As he marched he felt a sharp pain in his stomach which made him stop in his tracks. He then let out a groan and he held onto his stomach as it rumbled loudly. The female lieutenant took note of Valiant’s state and rushed to his side. “Are you alright, Captain?” said the lieutenant with concern.

“I’m alright, Lieutenant,” said Valiant. “Don’t worry. I’ll tough it out.” Valiant then straightened himself up and continued with his inspection. The lieutenant shadowed his movements with deep concern in her eyes. They arrived at a battalion of female guards and walked between the rows. Valiant looked into the eyes of the blank faces of female guards taking note of how much the females improved in their current presentation. The rumble of his stomach once again attacked stopping him in his tracks. He stopped right in front of a rather short female guard. She bore full witness to Valiant’s agonizing state without changing the blank expression on her face. The pain in Valiant’s stomach became too much for him to bear. His cheeks swelled and he turned to face the small mare. Suddenly projectile vomit escaped from his mouth and splattered in a huge quantity right on top of the mare. The female guard jumped back and let out a gasp. She inspected herself seeing all of her fur and her armor completely covered in vomit and bile. She then broke down and cried. The scene caused the other battalions to react in shock and disgust. For Valiant, what he had just done was the most embarrassing thing he had done other than being caught wearing Flurry Heart’s makeup.

***

Canterlot Castle, home of the two well known princesses of Equestria and a former home of Twilight Sparkle while she was personal student of Princess Celestia. This castle along with the rest of Canterlot bore witness to many famous events from the Changeling Invasion, to Tirek’s reign of terror, to the numerous times when the Grand Galloping Gala always seemed to end in disaster almost to the point of amusing. The Canterlot Castle was also where Twilight along with Princess Luna uncovered something truly shocking: Princess Celestia and Discord were dating. At first Twilight, Princess Luna, Cadence, Shining Armor and a significant portion of Equestria’s citizens were against Celestia and Discord’s blossoming romance. But The Princess of the Sun and the reformed Lord of Chaos were adamant in their love for each other. They both made it official when they eventually married. Surprisingly, among those who were in attendance was Twilight, Luna, Cadence and her family and the Elements of Harmony. It has been twenty years since Celestia and Discord were married. Twilight and her friends became more accepting of the couple’s union. However, there were still those among Equestria’s citizens that were opposed to having Discord as their prince. Not even the birth of Prince Illusion could win over that small crowd. But Celestia and Discord lived long enough not to be swayed by public opinion. Over the years Celestia’s personal quarters within the Canterlot Castle also became Discord’s quarters. It was renovated to suit Discord’s chaotic personality. This renovation was suggested to Celestia by Fluttershy given Fluttershy’s horrific experience of Discord physically fading away due to him trying to adapt to Fluttershy’s way of life. In true Discord form, the quarters of husband and wife contained halls that zigzagged, furniture stuck on the walls and ceilings and appliances that grew legs and ran about. It took quite some time for Celestia to adapt to Discord’s living standards, but like a good wife she was supportive.

On this day Princess Celestia and Discord were enjoying tea on the balcony. Discord had his tea served by a teapot with legs while Celestia was busy reading from a magazine. “Those quiche squares that Illusion brought for us were quite scrumptious, wouldn’t you agree, my dear?” chimed the Lord of Chaos.

“They were indeed,” said The Princess of the Sun. “Those quiche squares are a welcoming departure from cake. The Apples could sure bake. If I didn’t know any better, I would say they were baked by Pinkie Pie and her family.”

“Speaking of Pinkie Pie’s family, are you sure Cotton Candy wasn’t adopted?”

Celestia looked up from her magazine and glared at her husband. “Discord!” she scolded.

“Well, Cotton Candy doesn’t share her mother’s talent in baking,” said Discord throwing up his claw and paw defensively. “What am I to assume?”

Celestia shook her head and refocused on her magazine. “Where do you suggest we take our vacation for our 20th anniversary?” asked Celestia. “For once I would like for us to go to a place where we wouldn’t attract so much attention. There are some ponies that still aren’t keen on our marriage.”

“Oh, forget about them!” said Discord waving his paw dismissively. “As far as I’m concerned they could go to live on the moon if they don’t like their leadership.”

Celestia cringed “Too soon, Discord,” she said.

“Come on, that was a thousand years ago,” said Discord.

“That’s your sister-in-law you’re referring to. Besides, tyrants punish their subjects in that manner.”

“What does that make you?”

“Are you truly equating me with the likes of Tirek and Chrysalis? I mean, you’ve had an experience with one of them which was not so pleasant after you believed with all your heart that he was going to give you a position of power.”

Discord sighed. “Touché,” he said. “Well, as far as a getaway spot goes, we could always go to those tropical forests that are made famous by A.K. Yearling/Daring Do in her books.”

“The only thing worse than prying eyes is being ponynapped by a megalomaniac and his lackeys,” said Celestia.

“We could spend the weekend at one of those extravagant hotels in Manehattan. All we have to do is disguise ourselves as lowly commoners.”

With those words snapped his paw and immediately both husband and wife were transformed into earth ponies with Celestia as a mare and Discord as a stallion. Celestia did not even flinch. She simply kept her nose in her magazine. “As tempting as that may sound, I prefer to enjoy my anniversary somewhere different in my own form, thank you very much,” she said. Discord groaned in annoyance and snapped his paw once again enabling both he and Celestia to transform back into their true forms. Celestia eyes then widened when she spotted something in the magazine. “This is perfect!” she said smiling from ear to ear. Discord vanished into a flash of light and reappeared over her shoulder looking down into her magazine. “These private islands in the Ponsific Ocean are the go to spots for those seeking extravagance and privacy,” said Celestia. “Its remote location is especially ideal if we want to relive the memories of our first wedding night.” With those words Celestia gave Discord a seductive look.

“Ooohh, I like the sound of that,” purred Discord. “Then it is decided.” Discord snapped his paw and both he and Celestia were dressed in vacation clothing. Discord was dressed in a Hawaiian-type T-shirt, a straw hat and sunglasses while Celestia was dressed in a huge floppy hat with large sunglasses. “To the Ponsific!” declared Discord.

Suddenly the sound of grumbling escaped from the stomachs of both husband and wife. Celestia and Discord hunched over, held their stomachs and let out pained groans. “May we put our vacation preparations on hold for a while, Discord?” groaned Celestia.

“If our current stomach attacks are the reason for a change of plans, then I agree with you whole heartedly, my dear,” said Discord with agony on his face. Celestia and Discord held onto each other and disappeared in a flash of light. They both reappeared in the hall leading to the royal bathroom. When they both arrived they discovered a long line of royal guards, maids, chefs, butlers and musicians forming outside the bathroom. They all had looks of agony on their faces and they all held onto their stomachs while letting out pained groans. Amongst the crowd Celestia and Discord found their only son Illusion who was seventh in line to the bathroom door. Illusion too displayed a look of agony while holding onto his stomach groaning in pain. Both husband and wife trotted up to their son. “Illusion, what’s going on here?” asked Celestia.

“If you can’t tell by now, we all need to use the bathroom,” groaned Illusion. “But somepony has been hogging it up for the past hour!”

“Who?” asked Discord. The groans and moans of a female followed by loud splashing were heard from the bathroom. Celestia immediately recognized the voice. “Luna?” she called out. “What’s going on?”

“We seemed to have contracted a severe case of diarrhea!” shouted Luna with a pained grunt. “We suspect that it was due to those quiche squares that were offered to us by your son!” With those words Luna let out a loud grunt and the sound of flatulence followed. The wet contents then escaped from her other end into the toilet bowl. Celestia then gave Illusion a suspicious look. “Exactly how many of the castle staff ate from those quiche squares, Illusion?” she asked.

“Everyone except Philomena?” said Illusion with a sheepish smile.

“Luna, how long do you have in there?” whined Discord.

“Discord, there are thirty bathrooms in this castle,” grunted Luna with a hint of annoyance. “Go to them!”

Luna then slammed both of her hooves against the sides of the cubicle and grinded her teeth as loads of heavy, wet contents exited her rear end.

Celestia and her family looked around their surroundings with desperation and hopelessness. “Discord, if I try to teleport to one of the other bathrooms I might not make it before what I ate ends up on the floor,” Celestia said in agony.

“I wouldn’t recommend it either,” said Discord with a pained look.

“Don’t waste your time,” said Illusion. “I tried all the bathrooms and they’re all occupied!”

“You just had to teach him that duplicating spell did you, Discord?” said Celestia as she glared at her husband.

Celestia grinded her teeth and held onto her stomach even harder. Her stomach rumbled even louder and the pain became even more unbearable. It was as if the contents were fighting to get out of her digestive system. She could actually feel the contents passing from her stomach right to her anus. She squeezed her plot in a desperate effort to keep the contents locked in and to preserve her dignity in public. But the contents seem to increase in size and in number. Celestia’s face contorted into several expressions as the contents started to slightly seep through her anus in liquid form. It was very obvious that this was a battle she would not win. Celestia let out a sigh and she displayed the look of defeat. “Discord, Illusion, my dear subjects,” she began. “I’m sorry.” With that a gigantic load of feces escaped from Celestia’s anus right onto the floor. It gushed out like water and debris escaping from a broken dam. Those present including Discord and Illusion jumped back and beheld the horrific and disgusting scene. The unrelenting flow of feces kept gushing out of Celestia’s end while she bowed her head and closed her eyes with a blank expression on her face. “Mother!” exclaimed Illusion.

***

Api galloped from the back of Sugarcube Corner to the stall in horror and in desperation. What she had just smelled was more disgusting than the mess the pigs made at Sweet Apple Acres. A pastry that contained such a horrific smell could not possibly be good for eating. It would also not be good for Api’s business. “I’d better stop everyone from eating those quiche squares,” Api thought out loud. “There’s no telling what will happen if they eat them.” When Api arrived back at the market square what she beheld absolutely horrified her. Creatures of all species, of both genders and of all ages were vomiting projectile vomit left and right. Api recognized some of these creatures quite well because it was not too long when she sold them boxes of quiche squares. Api held her head and gave a look of despair. “I’m too late!” she whined. Suddenly a huge amount of projectile vomit rained down on top of Api from above at her left. She let out a yelp as he was covered in digested food. Before she could fully process what had just happened another amount of projectile vomit rained down from her right and drenched her from head to hoof. Suddenly huge amounts of vomit rained down on top of the earth filly from both her left and her right until she was completely drenched in bile. Her jaw slackened and she could barely see through the vomit that burned her eyes and her nostrils. She looked up to find two Pegasus mares hovering above her holding onto their stomachs and their mouths. She recognized these mares all too well. The first mare was Whirlwind, the cousin of Echo. Judging by Whirlwind’s agonized expression it was very obvious that Prism Bolt took Api’s advice and tried to patch things up with Whirlwind by offering her a box of the now rancid quiche squares. The second mare was the town mailmare Derpy Hooves. Derpy had visited Api’s stall requesting a box of quiche squares deciding to try something different to muffins. Both Whirlwind and Derpy slowly hovered past each other holding onto their stomachs and their mouths.

Api stood near her stall drenched in bile and shame. Her business was now bust which also meant no cutiemark. She was the second Apple responsible for Ponyville contracting food poisoning… again. The good feeling she had earlier had now vaporized. Her five hundred bits meant nothing anymore. Yet, she was not the one to bare all the blame. There was a certain Pegasus filly that she entrusted to ensure that the quiche squares remained fresh by keeping the refrigerator plugged on. A task that this certain Pegasus filly failed to fulfill. Api shook with rage with the realization that this Pegasus filly was responsible for killing a lucrative business. At the top of her lungs Api screamed “ECHO!” But then Api paused when she remembered something else. “Her date!” she thought out loud.

***

Echo and Quickstep slowly trotted towards the secluded river that Quickstep invited Echo to. Quickstep went on about how his parents got him involved in sports and the many medals and trophies that were stockpiled in his home. Echo meanwhile was not quite paying attention to Qickstep’s prattling. She was too caught up in the colt’s mesmerizing blue eyes and golden mane which looked even better to the side. “Well, here we are,” said Quickstep as they arrived at the riverbank. Before the little ponies was the distant setting of Celestia’s sun. Echo was well aware of such a scene from reading all the romance books her cousin Whirlwind had. “It’s kinda romantic,” said Echo. She glanced over to Quickstep and realized that he was staring at her with a shocked expression. She quickly clasped her hoof over her mouth and her cheeks were flushed with crimson. “Did I say that out loud?” said Echo.

“Well, I agree with you,” said Quickstep. “It is romantic. That’s because this is where my parents went on their first date.” Echo’s heart was racing a hundred miles an hour when the word “Date” escaped Quickstep’s mouth. What really struck the filly was the revelation that his parents had their first date at this particular river. Maybe it was fate. Maybe Echo and Quickstep were meant to be together. Quickstep sat on the log next to the riverbank. He looked back at Echo who stood ten feet away. Echo looked back with wide eyes. Quickstep in return flashed a friendly smile. He was obviously beckoning her to sit with him. Slowly Echo trotted her way to the log and sat at Quickstep’s right. She looked away trying hard not to get locked into Quickstep’s eyes because she was certain that she would faint once she stared into those pale, baby blues. Quickstep meanwhile frowned and turned away feeling both embarrassed and awkward. He wanted to do something special for a filly who he thought was pretty and an awesome athlete. Now it seemed as if she was avoiding her. He looked at the river noticing Celestia’s sun reflecting on the water’s surface. He needed to get the conversation going before he got bored to death and say something to Echo he knew he would regret. “I heard you wanna be in the Equestria Games one day,” Quickstep said.

“What?” said Echo catching herself. “Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah! That would be great.”

“So what do you wanna do? Flying? Javelin throw? Gymnastics?”

“Well flying obviously. Gymnastics is cool, but I might fly by mistake if I do all those fancy flips and stuff. I really enjoy flying. It’s something my mom really pushed into because she wasn’t able to fly when she was my age. I wanna make her proud.” A pause then occurred between colt and filly. “You know, my friend Pixel Bit says you’ve dated a few times,” said Echo.

Quickstep seemed to be taken aback by Echo’s revelation. “Well, I wasn’t dating that much,” he said with a sheepish grin. “My mom thinks I’m too young to have a girlfriend. But there was this one girl who I met when I was nine who I really liked and my dad told me that I should go out with her.”

“Well, what happened?”

“She moved away to Manehattan. I didn’t think I would ever like another filly again. I mean, a lot of fillies always come after me, but this filly was somepony special.”

Echo felt a tinge of jealousy. Judging from Quickstep’s tone, she got the impression that he wasn’t quite over this filly. “Did you two…kiss?” Echo said hesitantly. Quickstep turned to Echo sharply with shock in his eyes. Sweat seemed to form on his forehead. His eyes darted all around. “Uh, no,” said Quickstep said with a nervous smile. “I not old enough for that.” Echo’s mood changed at Quickstep’s revelation. She felt confident to put Api’s advice to be bold in a relationship. “You know, my cousin Whirlwind had her first kiss when she was ten years old” said Echo batting her eyelashes. Quickstep looked sharply at Echo with absolute shock on his face. He scratched behind his head and a nervous grin flashed across his muzzle. “Wow!” he said. “Your cousin’s more awesome than I thought. But I really don’t think I could do it.”

“Oh, it wouldn’t be too rough,” Echo said seductively. “Just a little peck.”

“A peck?”

“I Pinkie promise,” said Echo making movements over her head and putting her hoof over her eye.

“Pinkie promise?” said Quickstep with confusion on his face.

“It’s a little something I learned from Mrs. Pinkie Pie.”

“I don’t know about this.”

“Maybe we should both close eyes. That might help.”

“Okay.”

Both filly and colt closed their eyes and pursed their lips. They moved closer and closer within inches of each other’s’ faces. Echo meanwhile felt her heart beating at rapid speed. She was finally going to get her first kiss from the colt she always dreamed of. The anticipation was killing her. Just wait until Api and Pixel heard about this. Echo and Quickstep’s lips were meters away from touching when suddenly Echo felt a sharp pain in her stomach. Her eyes shot open and she found Quickstep with his eyes still closed. The pain in her stomach meanwhile intensified. Something moved from her stomach and shot up through her throat. Bile filled up in her mouth causing her cheeks to swell wide. Then she vomited all over Quickstep’s face. Quickstep let out a yell and fell backwards. He beheld himself discovering vomit all over his mane, his face and his chest, plus it was sticking to his fur. He looked up at Echo who had her hooves clasped over her mouth with vomit dripping from her chin. Her eyes were wide with shock and remorse. The vomit was now beginning to burn Quickstep’s eyes. He then started sobbing loudly. Soon he turned around and ran away with his sobs echoing throughout the area. Echo ran after him. “No, wait!” pleaded Echo. “Come back! I’m sorry! I never barfed on a colt before!” Quickstep disappeared in a distance and Echo stopped running after him. She dropped on her haunches and bowed her head. She then let out a sad sigh.

***

Vomit and bile were splayed across the most recognized landmarks of Equestria. All over Ponyville’s iconic marketplace, all across the grand ball of The Crystal Castle, within Princess Flurry Heart’s quarters and of course Princess Twilight Sparkle’s Castle of Friendship. The big exception of course was the Canterlot Castle where a massive load of feces was unloaded by the Princess of the Sun. Newspapers had a field day with their headlines as a result of Princess Celestia’s blunder. “PRINCESS CELESTIA MAKES HUGE NUMBER 2 IN CANTERLOT CASTLE”, “PRINCESS OF THE SUN OR PRINCESS OF POOP?” “PRINCESS CELESTIA CAN RAISE THE SUN. CAN SHE RAISE FECES?” As it was with Applejack’s mishandling of muffins, great number of Ponyville’s citizens were hospitalized with food poisoning among them Starburst, Prism Bolt and Icy Storm. At Sugarcube Corner Cotton Candy was in the bathroom vomiting all of her stomach’s contents in the toilet bowl. She was in this position for nearly two hours. She made her last bout of vomiting and pressed down on the lever to flush the toilet. “Okay,” she said hoarsely. “I think that’s the last of it.” A rumble escaped her stomach followed by intense pain. “No it isn’t!” she said. Her cheeks swelled and she buried her head in the toilet bowl letting bile spew out of her mouth.

There was then a knock on the door. Poking her head in was Cotton Candy’s mother Pinkie Pie. “How’s it going there, hon?” said Pinkie in her usually hyper-energized mood apparently unaware of the gravity of her daughter’s situation.

“I think that’s end of it, Mom,” said Cotton Candy after a long pause.

“Well, if you’re well enough Anthea said she wanted you to meet her at the Carousel Boutique. It’s urgent!”

Cotton Candy’s eyes widened. With that sentence she knew that whenever Anthea said something was “urgent”, it was more than likely true. For the most part Anthea’s honesty rivaled that of Mrs. Applejack so there was no way that she would send Cotton Candy on a wild goose chase. Cotton sprung to her hooves and galloped onto the streets all the way to The Carousel Boutique. She ran for about five minutes when she stopped dead in her tracks after she felt a sharp pain in her stomach followed by a rumble. Her cheeks swelled and she looked around frantically for a good place to discharge the remnants of that rancid box of quiche squares. At her left she spotted a trash can that was overflowing with garbage. She ran over to the trash can, removed the lid and vomited all over the huge pile of garbage. She then wiped her mouth with her fore hoof. “Yup, running is definitely out of the question,” she said to herself. She continued onwards to The Carousel Boutique, this time trotting. She arrived about fifteen minutes later where she found four ambulance carriages. She looked on in horror as Rarity, Spike, Claire and Turquoise were carried out of the Boutique on stretchers. She moved past the orderlies and stepped into the main hall where she found Anthea displaying different poses while Photo Finish snapped away from her camera. Across the room was Nidra laying on the floor holding onto her stomach groaning in pain. Cotton Candy approached Anthea with confusion on her face. “Annie, what’s going on?” said Cotton Candy.

“I’m taking pictures for Photo Finish’s magazine,” said Anthea excitedly. All the air seemed to be sucked from Cotton Candy’s body. She was certain that Photo Finish rejected Anthea after making an epic fail earlier in the day. Was Cotton Candy hearing that right? “Wait, what?” said Cotton Candy cocking her head.

“Nidra barfed all over Photo Finish and couldn’t do the photo shoot anymore,” explained Anthea. “Photo Finish said she needed a replacement for Nidra as soon as possible. So she chose me!”

A broad smile appeared on Cotton Candy’s face. “Alright!” she exclaimed.

“It’s not fair,” said Nidra in a cracking voice. “I won!” She then bowed her head and wailed.