My Little Plushie
She came in a brown cardboard box like any old package would, but I knew she wasn’t any old package. She was the princess of the night, of the moon, and if I could have had it any other way, she would have arrived at my apartment with a ceremony befitting a queen, rather than being unceremoniously stuffed into the small box that held the rest of my mail. I knew the package wouldn’t fit in my mailbox, as it was too big, but I pushed that irrelevant thought out of my head, rushing down the stairs at top speed. To the other tenants it must have looked hilarious, a 25-year-old man hopping down the staircase like a little boy on Christmas morning. But I didn’t care. She was here. I had seen the UPS truck from my apartment window. She was finally here.
It didn’t take long for me to collect my mail and the package from my box and rush back up the stairs, and soon I was in my living room, or at least, what I called a living room. The whole setup was three rooms. A bedroom, bathroom, and living room with combined mini-kitchen. But I wasn’t in the mood for ogling my tiny apartment. Like a lion to fresh zebra meat I tore away the cardboard and at last gazed upon my quarry.
Princess Luna.
She was beautiful, even more beautiful than I had imagined. Yes, she was smaller and, more importantly, a plush doll, but I didn’t care. She was absolutely beautiful, absolutely adorable. Those midnight-blue eyes, that luscious sapphire mane, her reluctant smile. This plushie, more than any fanart I had ever seen, captured the true essence of Luna. It felt like she was there, watching me, looking up at me, begging for a hug.
I happily obliged. The doll was about the size of a Labrador, so when I hugged her I collapsed onto my sofa, feeling her soft, warm fur against my chest and face, pressing her plush head onto my shoulder, squeezing her tightly. Instantly, I felt better. The pain from everything that had happened, everything that had befallen me, disappeared, if only for the briefest moment.
Hugging her made me feel like I still had parents, like I still had my best friend, as if Mom and Dad hadn’t been taken in that car accident or Ricky, my best bud from college, hadn’t killed himself last summer. Embracing her washed away my sadness, my guilt for everything that had happened.
Mom and Dad were with me. Ricky was patting me on the back, petting Luna softly like she was a loving dog.
And the moment passed. Luna was still warm and comforting against my body, in my arms, but the world came rushing back, and I once again became that 25-year-old loser in apartment 3C, stuck in a dead-end job with no one in his life to cheer him up.
Until now. Until the moonrise mare lay in my embrace.
We cuddled, we hugged, and we snuggled. We were like lovers, intertwined in each other’s arms. I never wanted to let go, but I knew I had to. Too much of a good thing, you know? That giant Luna plushie…my God. I had not felt that good in a long time.
I always loved Luna the best. Sure, there were no bad ponies on the show, but Luna always caught my eye. We were alike in so many ways. We were outcasts, mistreated and neglected wherever we went. We both loved the night. In fact, every night before bed, I said goodnight to the moon, knowing that she’s there, knowing that she’ll hear me.
I loved Luna. Sometimes it went beyond brony love. Sometimes my heart lurched when I thought of how tormented she must have been, to have been Nightmare Moon all that time, to have her body possessed by a being of pure evil. Sometimes I looked at her adorable face and melt inside.
But now I had her, or at least, the closest thing to the real Luna as I could get. A friend of mine who was a cosplayer once offered to dress up as Luna so I could have the “real-life experience,” as he called it. I don’t know about you, but I hardly think a guy in a pony suit can really fulfill my desire to hold the real Luna in my arms, feel her heartbeat against my chest, and listen as she croons and says, “I love you, Jacob. Never let me go.”
To which I say, “Never, my love,” and hug her tightly.
I never had a real companion, a real pal. Except Jenna, my German shepherd. She was about the kindest and most loyal dog a guy could ask for. Every morning she was on top of me to wake me up, and every night she curled up with me so that she could warm me, especially in winter.
But four years ago, when I started college, we moved to Boise and never saw her again. I don’t even know where she is now, but when we had to leave her, it damn near broke my heart. I was an adult, and I didn’t stop crying for days.
And then came the ponies, but even they couldn’t drive out the memory of that black-and-gold doggie that I used to play and cuddle with every day, that I had had since she was a puppy. But Luna…
Luna was damn close. Damn close.
I brushed her mane, running my fingers through her faux hair, feeling the stitching and giving her a light squeeze, thinking over and over, if only she were real.
The days came and went, and though my life was a little brighter now that I came home to pounce on my Luna plushie, I still could not rid myself of the clouds that shrouded me. I’d graduated from Boise State last year, majoring in computer programming, but what I really wanted to do was be a professional mascot. See, I’d done it in college. Buster Bronco, Boise’s mascot? Yeah, that was me from ’06 to ’10. But as you can imagine, the market for pro mascots isn’t easy. The Denver Broncos, St. Louis Rams, and Indianapolis Colts all rejected me, and since then I’ve been working IT at a car dealership just off campus. Sitting on my ass all day with nothing but my iPad and complaints from antitechnology customers may sound like a thrilling time, but you’re mistaken. It’s anything but. I’ve given up my mascot dreams.
But what I wouldn’t do to be with Luna. Every evening when I got home from the drudgery that is my work, she would be there. Just like Jenna was. She’d be smiling and looking up at me. Just like Jenna did. And she’d be waiting, waiting for me to squeeze her, to snuggle her, to tell her that I love her, and I would happily make her wishes comes true. I would squeeze her, hold her tight, cuddle the everlasting shit out of her. She was warmer than any mascot suit I’d ever been in, cuddlier than any teddy bear I’d had in real life.
One evening, I didn’t let go. I couldn’t. My depression was sinking in, and I’d run out of Prozac. Luna was the only thing keeping me from biting the barrel. My tears left stains on her fur as my eyes went from her to the muted TV. I felt safe. I felt happy. The demons inside me were losing their battle against the princess of the moon.
And then I said it. I said the words that would change my life forever.
“I wish you were real, Luna. I love you so much.”
She didn’t answer. Of course she didn’t, she was an inanimate object! But sometimes, inanimate objects have the most life in them then anything around them. So I stroked her mane and lay my head on her chest, my cheek resting comfortably on her fur.
Before I knew what was happening, I was asleep, and the last day of my normal life came to a close.
Sunlight streamed through the windows of my apartment. It was Saturday, my day off. And how did I spend my day off? Playing video games and reflecting on the past.
As I got up from my couch, I noticed that there was no plushie alicorn at my side. Luna was gone.
I freaked. Did someone steal her? Who’d break into my apartment just to steal a plush doll? Well, I might have, but I got the feeling that nobody had broken in. But Luna couldn’t have just walked away.
Could she?
I turned around slowly, and there she was.
Princess Luna. In the flesh.
“Oh my God,” I uttered, taking a step back.
I couldn’t believe it. Princess Luna, the Princess Luna, was no longer a plushie doll but a real, breathing alicorn, straight from the show. And she was in my apartment. My freaking apartment.
I thought for a moment that I was dreaming, but something in the back of my head told me that this was no dream, and that the moonrise mare was standing in front of me, looking up at me with strange curiosity. Her eyes glittered like twin sapphires and her mane flowed in the wind, even though there was no wind. Her skin sparkled like the stars of the night she ruled over, and she looked as if she wanted to laugh and cry at the same time.
Neither of us said anything. Not a word. We stared at each other for hours, unmoving, unblinking, and astonished.
And then she spoke, and to me it didn’t sound like the voice of Tabitha St. Germain. It sounded like Luna. It was Luna’s voice, not Tabitha’s. When she spoke, her words were sweet like chocolate, and they flowed from her mouth as chocolate would from a fondue fountain.
“I do not know who you are. I do not know why I am here. But—how can I describe it? The sight of your face warms my heart, and yet I’ve never seen you before in my life.”
My brain was still in processing mode, and before I knew what I was doing I was on the ground in a groveling bow, kissing the carpeted floor, my face level with her hooves.
“Oh God. Princess Luna—in my home. This is…this is unbelievable!”
“Belief is nonexistent in my case as well, human,” Luna said. Her voice was not one of kindness, but of apprehension. “My sister taught me of your kind long ago. She said that never would come a day when the world of ponies and humans would intertwine. But it seems…it has occurred.”
She knelt down onto her knees, and I looked up, staring her in the face.
“What is your name, human?”
“Jacob.”
“How long have I been in the human world, Jacob?”
“You—you just got here. I think. Last night you were a plushie doll, and now…”
“A what? What is this plushie doll you speak of? Last night I was watching over Equestria from my cloud in the moonlit sky, and I closed my eyes for a mere second, only to end up here, in this realm.”
I got up. “Princess Luna, er, I don’t know how you got here. Really. I mean, you’re not—you’re not supposed to be real.”
Then she did something that made my spine shiver: she gently grabbed my hand with her hoof and placed it over her beating heart.
“Do you feel that, Jacob? Do you feel the rhythm of my heart? I am real, human. And I know you are not a threat to me.”
“H-how do you know that?”
“There are feelings inside my mind that lead me to believe that not only are you harmless, but you are a friend. My friend.”
“Luna…my friend?”
“My heart has never failed me, Jacob,” she said, and when she smiled I half-expected to hear a squee. “In my heart—I feel content in your presence. A good pony is never hard to find, but a good human…I was brought up to believe that your kind was savage, brutish like golems, like demons. But…I cannot help but feel comfortable in your presence, Jacob. There is something brewing in my heart, a fire that will not go out, that grows by the second.”
Suddenly her eyes widened, her jaw dropped, and she took a step back. “It is love, this fire I feel. Love for you, for a different creature than my kind. Love.”
My heart leapt in my chest, and I was crying tears of joy. “L-Luna…I…I love you too.”
I sniffed and sat down. She walked over to me, lying on the couch like Jenna used to do.
“A couple days ago I ordered a stuffed doll of you, Luna,” I began to explain. “I loved that doll. I loved you. I would cuddle you and hug you and sleep with you, and you would be near me at nearly every waking moment of my day. Because I loved you, Luna. I still love you. All that torment under Nightmare Moon…all the torture I’ve borne…it’s like we’re connected in sorrow.”
She cocked her head, her eyes sad. “But I do not feel concern in your presence, Jacob. I feel content, but…”
“But what?”
She got up from the couch and followed the beams of sunlight to the window, gazing out into the world. “My ponies need me. Somepony needs to raise and lower the moon every night. My sister…she must be worried sick. I cannot stay here, Jacob. I…”
And suddenly, without warning, she began to cry, and my heart began to crack. Seeing her cry was like watching Jenna fade into the horizon as my family pulled away from our old home in Wisconsin. Every tear that fell felt like blood, my blood, dripping from my veins. I went over to her and laid my hand on her back, trying to comfort her. She sniffled and hiccupped.
“Jacob…” she gasped. “I cannot fathom this. I-I feel so attracted to you. I feel like I am indebted to you, as if you have done me a great service and I am not aware of it.”
I choked and cleared my throat. “Well, I kinda did, Princess. But you don’t owe me anything. I guess you could say I’ve been taking care of you while you were a plushie doll.”
She looked at me with puppydog eyes, brokenhearted and happy at the same time. “Then I am in your debt, Jacob.”
And she trotted up to me, stood on her hind legs, and wrapped her hooves around me in a wonderful hug. I almost melted right there and then as I felt the weight of a princess on my chest, her tears coagulating on my shoulder. The moment never seemed to end. I never wanted it to end.
That moment, the moment I lay in her embrace, when she hugged me and I hugged her, was without a doubt the happiest moment of my life.
Well, life living with a plushie-turned-alicorn wasn’t all fun and games. I’d read My Little Dashie before, but I doubt that any dog costume would disguise Luna’s wings, horn, and overall stature. Thankfully, she kept to the night when the town was quiet. We’d walk to the lake at the edge of town, and she’d stare at the moon. I’d always wonder, was she thinking of home? Or was she thinking of Nightmare Moon? Did she have nightmares every night, though she was the princess of the darkness?
I never knew, and never found out, to be honest.
When she was tired she’d snuggle up with me in bed. At first she wasn’t really up for it, but as time went by and she grew increasingly withdrawn, I guess she felt like she needed the warm company of a friend, of a caretaker. And I was only too happy to oblige. So we’d snuggle under the covers, me putting my arm around her, drawing her close, and she would croon just like she did in my dreams. I’d pet her, tell her I loved her, and she’d smile in that reluctant way, only I knew she was smiling with joy, with satisfaction. Every night when we got home from walking, we’d cuddle up and sleep together until her sister raised the sun. She was less active in the daytime, for obvious reasons, I suppose, but whenever an opportunity for a hug presented itself, neither of us ever denied it. Soon she had hugged me so many times that she was beginning to leave hoofprints on my shirts.
She was no longer a princess. She was my…
What was she, exactly? Not a pet. Not necessarily a lover. More than merely a friend. What was she?
I guess she was just my little plushie that turned into a real princess. I thought to myself, ROBCakeran53 didn’t have anything on me. Sure, he wrote a hit, but I wasn’t writing this story.
I was living it.
But all stories must come to a close someday.
That day was a Tuesday in August when I got off of work. It had been three months since Luna had turned from plushie to pony. I usually left her at home to think while I worked, but I would always check on her during my lunch break. When I did it that day, she was fine.
But when I got off, when I unlocked my apartment door and entered my home, I had guests.
Wouldn’t you know it, Princess Celestia herself.
Right then and there My Little Dashie started playing out in my head. Celestia would take Luna from me, and I’d only have a reminder of her for the rest of my life. Maybe it would be the plushie. That would at least garner me some satisfaction.
However the look upon Princess Celestia’s face when I entered my apartment was not one of joy, or sadness, or even complacency.
It was a look of anger, of fury, as if I had done her the most hideous of wrongdoings and she had come for her revenge. I’d never think a pony like Celestia could bear upon her face such a frightening look of rage. In the corner, Luna was cowering in fear—of her sister? Of me? She was crying. I appeared to have walked in on the middle of an argument.
And then Celestia charged.
“NOOOO!!!”
I wasn’t the one who screamed. Time slowed. Her horn was three feet away from my heart, and it gleamed, ready to pierce my body, to banish me from this world.
Princess Celestia was going to kill me.
And then, out of the blue, came blue. Sapphire blue. Midnight blue.
And then red. A cry of pain. A scream of terror. And suddenly I was on the ground, and Luna was on top of me.
I gingerly pushed her off, only to find blood shimmering on my shirt.
It was not my blood.
“Oh, no…what have I done? Sister! Oh, sister!”
Celestia’s horn dripped with Luna’s blood as the midnight alicorn lay on my floor, bleeding from her stomach. She coughed and wheezed, and looked up at me.
She had saved me.
“You’ve killed her,” I uttered, looking at Celestia. “You killed your sister. Why? What the hell did you want from me?!”
“Be silent, criminal scum!” the princess roared. “This accident will not erase the penalty of your crimes!”
“What crimes?!”
“Sister…” Luna coughed. “Jacob has…committed no crime…”
At this, Celestia looked dumbfounded, and suddenly a noise came from the bathroom. Out came none other than Twilight Sparkle, and I would have been happy to see her if the love of my life weren’t bleeding all over my apartment floor.
“He kidnapped you, Luna!” Celestia screamed. “He kidnapped you! I was here to save you!”
“And yet…you have…damned me…”
“Oh my goodness,” Twilight gasped, surveying the scene. “What in Equestria happened?”
“Your goddamn princess killed Luna, that’s what fucking happened!” I yelled, feeling the rage boiling up inside me. Celestia ignored me and inspected her sister’s wound.
“Oh, Luna. My horn…it was endowed with a curse to inflict upon the human. The wound cannot be closed. I cannot stop the bleeding.”
Suddenly I had the urge to do something incredibly stupid.
I punched Princess Celestia. Just bopped her in the face. She went down without a sound, and Twilight Sparkle was all over me, but years as a college mascot had given me strength. So I tossed the unicorn into the countertop. I didn’t care that they were ponies. I didn’t care about love and tolerance at that moment.
Luna was fucking dying.
I scurried over to her, crying without realizing it, and looked into her eyes. I could see the life draining from her body with every beat of her pierced heart. I knew the blood would clog her lungs soon, and she would asphyxiate. And I couldn’t do anything about it.
“Luna…Oh God, Luna…”
She coughed. Blood trickled from her mouth. “Jacob…this time…you took me into your home when I had…nowhere to go. I can…never thank you…enough.”
“No, Princess,” I choked. “Don’t thank me. This is my fault. I’ve killed you. Celestia thought I had kidnapped you, and you…you gave your life for me. God, why did you fucking do that?!”
And Luna looked up at me and said,
“Because I love you.”
All I can say is, my heart exploded. In the midst of such a terrible tragedy, I had never felt happier in my whole life. I reached down and hugged her tightly, getting blood all over my clothes and not giving a single damn.
I held her until she stopped breathing. And then I cried until no more tears flowed from my eyes.
Celestia and Twilight Sparkle had both awoken and were staring at me with not rage, not anger, but horror, helplessness. Guilt.
“She,” began the princess. “She…gave her life for you. You. A human.”
I breathed, hiccupping from the crying. “She loved me. And you killed her. Didn’t she tell you that I had taken care of her?! DIDN’T SHE FUCKING TELL YOU THAT?!”
The alicorn averted her eyes.
“Yes. She did.”
“THEN WHY DID YOU KILL HER?!”
Soon she began to bawl. “Because…I was blind…blinded by my devotion to my sister…and now she lies dead…”
I wanted to punch her again. “This is your fault. Your goddamn fault. You killed your sister.”
Celestia looked at me with helpless eyes, and I felt a scrap of pity, of sympathy, well up in my flame-ridden stomach.
Jacob…
I whipped my head around, looking for the source of the voice. “What the—”
Jacob…I am not dead. Not yet…place your hand inside my wound. Find my heart.
I didn’t know why I was hearing voices, but they sounded sweet and smooth, so I obeyed. I walked over to Luna’s corpse and stuck my hand inside the wound, feeling around until I found her unbeating heart, and I squeezed it.
Yes, Jacob…my heart…grab my heart…and I shall come again…
“Wha—?”
FLASH!
Purple light filled the room, knocking Celestia and Twilight Sparkle off their hooves. I felt nothing. My body was disintegrating. I felt myself slip away like dust in the wind, and for a moment, I was still somewhat human.
Then the light concentrated, and I was no longer human.
And Luna was alive.
* * *
What? What is this?
“You have saved my life once again, Jacob.”
“SISTER! Oh, thank goodness you’re alright!”
“Princess Luna!”
What’s going on? Where am I?
I had eyes. I had a mouth. But neither was in my control. I was seeing the world through a different person’s eyes.
It could only be one person.
Luna?
I…she looked in the mirror, and I saw her. She was smiling wide, and the wound in her chest was gone.
I had become Luna.
What?!
“You have saved me, Jacob. Only a being of true compassion, true valiance, and true strength could do what you did.”
“Sister, I—”
“Go back to Canterlot, Sister. Please. We will join you there.”
We?
“Yes, Jacob,” she said in my mouth as Celestia and Twilight Sparkle disappeared out my apartment door. Luna cantered around my home, looking around.
Luna, what happened? Why am I you?
“Because we have merged, Jacob. Our lives have merged. You have saved me once again.”
But…how? I mean, what happened to my body?
I felt her mouth muscles contract into a frown. “I’m afraid your body burnt up in the life exchange. You have taken refuge in my body.”
What?! But, but…what?!
“Jacob, it is alright,” she said. “You have saved me. I am alive. And this way, we can always be together.”
But—
“Please understand, Jacob. Please. It was the only way to save us both. My sister meant you no real harm. She was blinded by her anger, by her determination to save me.”
…
So I’m a pony now?
She sighed. “You are a part of me, Jacob. You always will be.”
I don’t get it, Luna. What does that mean?
“We shall have to see, won’t we?”
Luna…
But I realized she was right. She made me realize that she was right, sending a thought to the void where I had been stashed.
Okay…Luna. Then let’s go.
“Wait, Jacob?”
Yeah?
She sighed again. “Thank you for saving my life.”
Not like I had much choice, Princess. You asked me to.
“I did, and please forgive me if I seemed selfish.”
Not at all, Princess. Not at all.
And so we became one, pony and human, alicorn and Homo sapiens.
I only recently convinced her to let me use her body so I could write this all down. Things have been hectic in Canterlot lately, so I’ll keep this ending brief.
I’m no Shakespeare, but then again, this isn’t a story. It’s a narrative. Writing’s not my thing. Never was. But I figured the people back home should read this, so they can know what happened to me. Then again, everyone related to me is dead, so I doubt I’ll be missed.
Well, I guess I’ll close out.
My name is Jacob Moore. One year ago today a little stuffed Princess Luna arrived at my mailbox. Now I inhabit her body, share her consciousness, and am with her forever.
Thanks to my little plushie.
