Twilight Sparkle is perfectly normal.
It’s all the other ponies who are not.
In the Palace of Friendship, there’s a library with many nooks and tables, fit not only for the enjoyment of the Lady of the house, but for her subjects. With the destruction of Ponyville’s previous library, it seemed only fair to open one created by magic to the public as a replacement. Within this library, beyond the nooks, are deeper nooks – cubicles of crystal, marked off by curtain rods tied by golden tassels, open to anypony with a mind for research.
Beyond this – deep, deep within the dusky-smelling annals of the library, is another research station. It was once a place of great order, with quills resting at the ready in inkwells exactly five centimeters apart, and gleaming shelves free from dust. The books here are cycled in and out from the main library as required, and are organized either by title, author, subject, or circa print date, depending on this week’s princessly whim. It is a place deep at the end of a hallway cordoned off by velvet rope, where are invited only the princess herself, her assistant, and her personal students.
The dawning of a new day finds this place in a state of chaos, where it has remained for a fortnight since. Anatomical textbooks by the dozen lay open upon the desks and tables, with half as many again pushed off upon the floor. Most of the quills have been worn down to the nub, while the blackboard sports an apocalyptic menagerie of incomprehensible formulas.
She who has created it is not here, though a cot and blanket suggest neither does she sleep peacefully in her bed.
* * * * *
“Explain to me what we’re doing again?”
Twilight’s faithful yet oft-abused draconic companion had, as late, never so wished for the wings he could not know were in his future. He had hoped the first few dozen miles would limber him up like a fine earth pony soldier, but the wanderings of his mistress had become as baffling as her scribblings, and he had comics to read. With boredom, often, comes complaint.
“Fish!” The princess of friendship replied, her odd declaration sufficient to turn the heads of passersby on an otherwise calm Ponyville street. Her mane bore signs of frayed hairs from a lack of maintenance, and though she was clean (Spike had seen to that – it wasn’t the first time he had to deal with a learning-gasm), the rims of her eyes were laced with the redness of insufficient sleep.
“And…what about fish?” Spike replied. He held up one palm in a useless gesture, his worry tempered by his intricate knowledge of Twilight’s moods and demeanor. She was on the warpath, but the enlightenment she sought was not the stuff of legends, nor was it apt to cause any real concern to ponykind. “Twilight, really. Yesterday you said you wanted to make a puree out of garbanzo beans and lactic acid because you swore it was ‘brain food’.”
A passing mare offered an expression of total incomprehension. Spike regarded her but didn’t break stride: “Chickpeas and milk.”
“I said it was good for the immune system, Spike,” Twilight replied. As if on cue, she sneezed lightly. “See? I have to fight infection or I’ll be too sick to learn the truth about my studies!”
Spike looked pleased with himself. “You said colostrum is good for fighting infection, but you told me that was milk. That one-shot villain ‘The Milkmaid’ in issue #534 of Batmare said that’s what lactic acid is.”
Twilight flicked an ear with annoyance. “Don’t you know what colostrum is, Spike?”
Spike blinked. “…you said it was milk.”
“Not just any milk,” Twilight replied smartly. “The first milk. The best milk. Why there’s nothing healthier for a pony!”
The princess craned her neck and whispered a more complete explanation into Spike’s ear. The dragon blanched.
“…that…is that why…when we were at the Ponyville nursery…?”
“Of course!” Twilight declared loudly. “Did you think I was just there for my health? Well I was there for my health, but it’s the only logical ingredient to look for when you’re making a tonic to combat disease, and had there only been some mares present in lactation—”
Spike hastily placed both claws, one of the other, in an X pattern over Twilight’s muzzle. “Okay, OKAY! We get it! Eh heh, eheheh…” His eyes darted around nervously, and were met by the curious gazes of far too many random citizens of Ponyville. He reduced his voice to a sharp whisper. “Seriously don’t go around declaring to the town that you want to harvest mare’s milk! It’s weird!”
Twilight waggled her muzzle and pulled away, innocent curiosity in her eyes. “What? Oh, I would never do that, Spike. Pfft, that’s just weird.”
“…you’re telling me…”
“I wouldn’t just harvest it. Of course I would ask them first.”
“—a-ask them for asparagus!” Spike appended loudly. “That’s right Twilight, just because there’s none on the counter doesn’t mean they don’t have any, right? It’s a really good idea to ask the vendors what they have left, you never know what might still be in stock!”
Twilight raised a quizzical brow. “I guess so? Are you hungry Spike?”
“Uh, umm…” Spike patted his quiet tummy. “Sure am! How about we head towards Sugarcube Corner, huh? Maybe we can find you…like…um…like a protein shake or a toddy, or something to make you go the hell to sleep…”
Twilight wrinkled her muzzle and began to move again towards the lake. “We don’t have time for this now. We need fish, and frankly if you had just done what Princess Celestia told us to do when we left Canterlot the other day, maybe we would have found the answer by now.”
“That is never happening, Twilight,” Spike muttered as he fell in again. The princess harrumphed.
“Why not? If princess Celestia says it’s the right thing to do, then it’s the right thing to do. Princesses are never wrong.”
“…you’re a princess.”
“Eeeexactly!” Twilight reasoned.
Spike tried to put that image out of his head. “Twilight, I’m hot and I’m tired. You cackle so much in the middle of the night that I can’t get any sleep. Can’t we just go home? What do you want fish for, anyway?”
“Because fish are good for the brain!” Twilight replied without hesitation. “And clearly I need more brain power to determine why the laws of anatomy have ceased to exist! What if there’s some conspiracy? What if this is like the time I cast a spell and screwed up everypony’s cutie marks, and nopony realizes anything is wrong but us?”
Spike glanced around. “I don’t get it either, but everypony looks pretty happy, not like that time you’re talking about.”
“And it makes no sense!” Twilight practically giggled. “So we need fish for the brain! Lots of fish! I’m going to make an aquarium so huge that—”
“Why do you think fish are good for your brain?”
Twilight paused. “Well I couldn’t find anything in pony lore that says they are, but that’s what Princess Ember always tells me in her letters. The griffons say it all the time, too. They can’t all be wrong, can they?”
Spike rested his face in his claw. “That’s your brain food, Twilight. Dragons and griffons eat fish.”
Twilight made no reply. Spike glanced back to find that she had stopped, and was giving him an uncomfortable eye. “…Princess Celestia said…are you sure you won’t give me your…you know? Not even for research purposes?”
“NO!” Spike declared. “Twilight you’re like my mom!”
Twilight huffed and trotted on. “That’s ridiculous. I’m more like your big sister.”
“How is that better!?”
Spike watched the humble rooftop of Sugarcube Corner slip by in the distance. A warm drink…chamomile tea, perhaps? Or maybe just a rolling pin to the noggin, but Spike was near the end of his patience, and in Twilight’s current state, he feared she might ensorcell the entire lake and take it home. Thankfully, he was destined not to find out.
“Ooof-!”
Cast soundly from his legs, Spike found himself unceremoniously hurled into the dusty street. He grimaced, intent upon giving whomever had barreled into him a piece of his mind, but was quelled to silence by the interloper’s obvious distress.
“Oh Twilight, Twilight!”
Fluttershy’s eyerims were as puffy as those of the princess, but she did not look tired. Her chest was heaving from exertion – contrary to her pegasus nature she had taken to her hooves instead of her wings in the face of distress. But something was clearly bothering her, such that Spike put his aching rump aside and was on his feet in a flash.
“Fluttershy?” He asked carefully. “Is something wrong?”
Twilight, whose march to the lake had been arrested entirely by the draping forelegs of a pony her equal in size and weight, sputtered against a feather that had somehow ended up in her mouth. “What? What happened? What’s wrong?”
“Oh Twilight, it’s just awful!” Fluttershy sniffed. “He’s being so mean! I don’t understand how he could do that!”
“C-calm down!” Twilight ordered as she sought to detangle herself from her friend’s grabby limbs. She arranged Fluttershy back on her hooves and touched her chest. “Shh, take a breath. Tell me what happened. Who’s being mean?”
“M-mister Cake…” Fluttershy blubbered. Twilight raised a confused brow and traded a glance with Spike.
“Mister Carrot Cake?” Twilight asked incredulously.
“I’ve never even heard of Mister Cake doing something deliberately mean,” Spike agreed. “Especially not that would make another pony cry.”
Twilight turned back to the Pegasus. “What did he do?”
“H-he…he…” Fluttershy whimpered and then exploded out the rest: “He banged my tits!!”
Twilight’s jaw gaped. Aghast, she sought confirmation. “A-are you saying that Mister Cake…violated you?”
“M-my tits are innocent!” Fluttershy moaned. “They’ve never been banged by anypony before! Why would he do this!?”
“Wait, you’ve like never been banged before?” Spike asked. “That’s actually kinda surprising.”
“Not now Spike!” Twilight scolded. Knowing the difficulty with which her friend expressed herself, Twilight took a breath and asked an uncomfortable question. “Fluttershy…are you sure he knew you didn’t want him to do that?”
“Why would I want anypony to bang my tits!?” Fluttershy wailed.
“Well, when you’re in season maybe—”
“Twilight!!”
“Right, right, of course, this is awful!” Twilight appended. Her brow furrowed, she began to march in the direction of Sugarcube Corner, from whence the troubled pegasus had come. Spike scampered to fall in, nudging Fluttershy to ensure she followed.
“Listen I’m sorry, but I’m having a real problem with this,” Spike finally voiced. “Mister Cake is a married stallion.”
“What does that have to do with anything?” Fluttershy muttered, her head hanging and her ears drooping. Spike softened.
“Sorry Fluttershy, just…what about his wife?”
“What about her? She did it too!”
Twilight perked but did not turn around. “…Missus Cake was playing with your tits, too?”
“They weren’t playing with my tits!” Fluttershy declared. “They were abusing them, hitting them! He even put one of my tits in his mouth!”
Twilight bristled. All of this was hard to accept, but if Fluttershy was anything, she was not a liar – especially when she was clearly so upset. “That does it. We’re getting to the bottom of this right now.”
The trip into town took half as long as it ought, and Spike, giving twice the effort to get there, was again left to feel inadequate for his lack of extra legs. It didn’t take long to encounter the underbitten master of the house, who was at a first-floor window, sweeping the sill. Twilight wasted no time.
“Mister Cake!” The princess shouted. “What is the meaning of this!?”
Mister Cake blinked obliviously and looked up. “Oh, Princess Twilight. Is something the matter? If this is about those cupcakes for next week, they’re not ready yet—”
“This is most certainly not about cupcakes!” Twilight roared. She nabbed Fluttershy, who had been cowering behind, in the hue of her magic, and yanked her out into the open. “Is it true that you banged Fluttershy’s tits without her consent!?”
Mister Cake’s eyes narrowed. “I really don’t see how that’s any of your business, Princess Twilight.”
“It very much is my business! Fluttershy is my friend, and if you’ve been abusing her tits…!”
“Her tits were being disruptive!”
“Wait what?” Spike asked nobody. Twilight paused.
“…how on earth were a mare’s tits being disruptive?”
“Have you seen Fluttershy’s tits?” Mister Cake asked.
“I…guess so? Hasn’t everypony?”
“Not me!”
Twilight couldn’t say exactly when the grinning visage of Pinkie Pie appeared on the street, but she was used to such random appearances by the magenta mare. “Pinkie, you live here. Did you see what happened?”
“Nuh-uh,” Pinkie offered innocently. She sat in a shady spot without care and began to favor a sucker that was suspended over her head by strands of her mane. “And I’ve totally never seen Fluttershy’s tits.”
Twilight pointed at Fluttershy, who was looking mortified right beside her. “She’s…right here.”
“Uh-huh!”
“You’re looking right at her.”
“Uh-huh!”
“We’re not wearing pants, Pinkie.”
“I know silly!”
“Do I need to pull her tail up for you?” Twilight rumbled. Fluttershy whimpered.
“Why would you do that?” Pinkie asked. “Ohhhh, is that where she keeps her tits? Under her tail? That’s so clever!”
“Pinkie we all keep our tits under our tails!”
Pinkie stuck her sucker in her mouth, thought about it, and pulled it out again to speak. “You have tits, Twilight?”
Spike threw up his claws in exasperation. “Not this again…”
“Yes Pinkie, I have tits…and so do you.”
“I do!?” Pinkie was on her hooves, trying in vain to chase her tail around in circles. “Do I keep them there too!?”
Mister Cake was at the window, his forelegs folded with a stern expression. “The point is, Fluttershy has the most enormous tits I have ever seen, and they were causing a ruckus! They were all over the place!”
“That’s no reason to bang the tits!” Twilight insisted.
“How could I not bang tits like that!?”
“Mister Cake, I know stallions have, er…urges, but that is entirely inappropriate!”
Fluttershy was tapping so gently on Twilight’s shoulder that she barely noticed. The pegasus spoke up softly.
“…Twilight I don’t keep my tits under my tail…they’re much too big for that…”
“I’m sorry?”
Fluttershy spoke from behind her hair, “I said, um…my tits are too big to keep under my tail. And that’s kind of weird really, that you’d think I would put tits there.”
“Where else would you carry your tits!?”
“Well, I don’t usually carry them,” Fluttershy mused. “Most of the time they move around on their own. I just care for them when they need me.”
Mister Cake was holding his forelegs apart as far as they would go. “They’re enormous! Gargantuan tits! They filled up my entire shop!”
“Gargantuan tits!” Pinkie echoed. “It’s like attack of the titmonster!”
Fluttershy huffed. “They are not! They’re sweet and adorable! Well, maybe they are the size of softballs and that is pretty large for tits, but it’s just because I give them lots of protein!”
Twilight was craning her neck around Fluttershy’s backside, which she promptly ceased when the pegasus looked at her. “B-but what’s all this about…ugh…’banging your tits’?”
“He did! He was so mean, he abused my tits!”
“Your tits were causing a ruckus—” Mister Cake began.
“—fracas!” Pinkie interrupted.
“—causing a fracas in my shop! Every time you turned around, those tits of yours were all over the place! They were like huge milk jugs being thrown around my shop!”
“Mister cake!” Twilight snapped again, “that’s a vulgar way to refer to a mare’s…places! How would you like it if I told everyone you have a tiny cock?”
“Huh? But I do have a tiny cock,” Mister Cake pondered. “Fluttershy gave it to me.”
“…h-how…!?”
Spike touched his mistress’s shoulder. “Twilight, don’t encourage them this time, please, your brain is gonna explode…”
“But just because Fluttershy gave me her tiny cock doesn’t mean I don’t have the right to bang her tits!” Mister Cake continued. “Everything that happened was because of those tits!”
Twilight whirled on her friend,” Did you give him your cock?”
“Well…yes. But that was weeks ago. And as I recall,” Fluttershy sniffed, “He adored that tiny cock. But that doesn’t give him the right to suck on my tits! He put one in his mouth!”
“Mister Cake?” Twilight officiated.
“I was not sucking on your tit. I was biting it. It was in my face, it was practically attacking me! What was I supposed to do?”
“Tits are not aggressive!” Fluttershy insisted. “Least of all my tits! I have them all very well trained, I’ll have you know! They stand firm and don’t even hop around when I tell them not to!”
“…don’t you mean you have both of them trained?” Twilight ventured. “…although what exactly you’re training your tits for…”
“What?” Fluttershy asked. “Of course not! I have thirty-seven tits! And with lots of protein, they’re all going to develop just as plump and firm as my original two!”
“Your tits are a menace!”
The voice was distinctly that of Missus Cake, who was at the door with a condemning gaze. “Fluttershy, I’m surprised at you. Everypony believes that if anybody could handle thirty-seven developing tits it would be you, but the ruckus you caused—”
“—fracas!” Chimed Pinkie.
“The fracas you caused makes me wonder if you’re responsible enough to even have tits!”
“How could she not have tits!?” Twilight cried. “You can’t just take a mare’s tits away because you don’t like what she does with them! Even if she does have….thirty-seven of…what is even happening now!?”
“We’ll see what the mayor has to say about that. There must be some sort of ordinance against letting your tits flap around all over the place.” Mrs. Cake snorted.
Fluttershy looked shocked. “What? No! Please! You can’t take my tits away!”
“You let your tits flap all in my husband’s face! And I trusted you so much that I let you give him your cock!”
“It was such a small cock! Any stallion could handle it!”
“Well you didn’t give your cock to me! I love cocks!”
“Most ponies love tits, too!” Fluttershy shouted. “I’m sorry for what happened, but slapping my tits was not the answer! Wait…” the Pegasus glanced about, “Where are my tits?”
“You don’t know?” Twilight choked as she continued to find a nondescript way to check between Fluttershy’s legs. “How can you have thirty-seven tits and not know where they are?”
“They’re in my sack, of course!” Mister Cake declared. “I stuffed all your tits in my sack so they wouldn’t destroy my pies!”
“Wait…WAIT,” Twilight waved her forelegs about, “You removed Fluttershy’s tits, and you shoved them…into your sack?”
“Of course! My wife doesn’t have a sack so I had to do it!”
“How is that possible!?”
“I like pie!” Pinkie Pie declared.
“What kind of pies were they?” Spike asked carefully, fearing any entry into the conversation, but now his tummy was rumbling for real.
“Oh, you know, there are lots of Pies,” Pinkie replied. “My mom, my sisters, me…we’re a big family when you get us all together. And I like them all!”
Twilight blanched. “A-are you saying your pies are--? Mister Cake! The Pies are not your property!”
“I beg your pardon!” Mister Cake replied sharply. “They very much are my property, and my wife’s! Until and unless we sell them to somepony else!”
“But who would want to buy pies that have had Fluttershy’s tits flapped around all over them?” Missus Cake sighed. “Can’t you see our problem, Princess Twilight? Nobody will buy the pies if they get smeared all around by tits before they get sold!”
“I’m a Pie!” Pinkie sang.
“Pinkie,” Twilight stammered. “Do you feel as though the Cakes’ own you?”
“Oh, they own all the pies,” Pinkie said easily. “The pies exist to be sold at their shop, after all.”
“Pinkie…” Twilight said gently, “…nopony can own the Pies, you don’t have to live like that…”
“Oh, but I want to, Twilight! They give me a roof over my head and fill my tummy with all the best batter! The least I can do is make sure the pies all belong to them!”
“Pinkie’s pie is the best pie around, after all,” Mister Cake said proudly. “Why wouldn’t we want to sell it to everypony? It’s the sweetest, most delectable—”
“Missus Cake!!” Twilight declared, “Are you okay with your husband…t-tasting Pinkie Pie’s pie!?”
Missus Cake cocked up an ear. “Princess, everyone loves Pinkie’s pie. Even you.”
“I do not!”
“I…I do…” Fluttershy meeped. “My tits love to smear around Pinkie’s pie…I’m sorry, they really didn’t mean any trouble, but they’re so big and hard to keep control over…”
Pinkie’s jaw was on the ground. “T-Twilight…you…you…d-don’t like my pie!?”
“Pinkie I’ve never had your pie bef—I’m not even into pie! I don’t do that sort of thing!”
Pinkie had crocodile eyes. “Not even when I cover it in strawberries and whipped cream?”
“I didn’t need that image thank you!!”
“…d-does Rarity have good pie?” Spike murmured.
“Of course she does!” Pinkie brightened right up. “I taught her everything she knows about her pie. You know Spike, I bet she’d love for you to have her pie.”
“…y-you think so!?”
“Sure, why not? You should ask her if she can make her pie nice and fresh for you, and you should just go to town on it. I’m sure she’d be flattered!”
Spike was no longer looking at anyone. He was facing the building in a corner, the front half of his body lost from view in a bush.
“Spike, what are you doing?” Twilight asked.
“C-cock emergency!” Spike replied. “Just lemme ‘lone!”
Pinkie giggled, “Oh Spike, we’ve already talked about this, we all know you don’t have a cock.”
“Spike doesn’t have a cock?” Mister Cake spoke up. “Would he like mine? He’s kind of a handful, especially in the morning when he’s up right away.”
“You will not give my assistant your cock, Mister Cake!” Twilight protested. “And this isn’t what we’re talking about anyway! This is about you abusing Fluttershy’s tits…somehow…removing them…and…stuffing them in your sack…this…how is this even a conversation…a-and it’s also about slavery, which is a crime!”
“You’re going to enslave my tits!?” Fluttershy piped up. “You can’t do that! My tits are free for everycreature to enjoy!”
“Everycreature?” Twilight asked.
“Of course! Tits are happy and wonderful, why shouldn’t I share mine with all the different creatures? Angel just loves my tits, and you should see how all our new friends from all over the world who go to the School of Friendship are just completely charmed by them.”
“…and somehow that seems to be the most reasonable thing I’ve heard all day, though still in the running for the most illegal,” Twilight muttered.
Fluttershy, emboldened by the plight of her tits, stood defiantly in the street. “Y-you let my tits go this instant! I know you’re just groping them inside your sack!”
Twilight marched right up and poked the pegasus full under her flowing tail. “Ah ha! I knew it! Cocks playing with fillies, ferocious pussies – it’s all some kind of twisted joke, isn’t it? Well I can see that your tits are right here, Fluttershy!”
On total reflex, Fluttershy spun around and slapped Twilight right across the cheek. “Wh-what are you doing!? O-oh…oh Twilight I’m sorry, but…what do you think you’re doing…?”
“Proving that you have tits right where tits should be!”
Fluttershy’s lips quivered. “Why…why would you touch me like that in broad daylight, in front of all these ponies…I-I’m so embarrassed…”
“Wow Twilight,” Pinkie spoke up, her sucker mostly gone. “Lewd much?”
“Wh-what?” Twilight stepped back. “None of this is my fault! You’re all making this up, Fluttershy’s tits are right where they should be!”
“My husband has Fluttershy’s tits!” Missus Cake declared. “And I think he has more right to them than anypony, if they’re going to cause trouble!”
“Why are you okay with your husband keeping thirty-seven tits in his sack!?”
“Because that’s where tits belong! That’s where they’re most useful! In the sack!”
“But you feed your foals with your tits!”
“I don’t have any tits!” Missus cake insisted. “Only my husband has tits, and they’re not even ours!”
“What??” Twilight’s head was practically spinning.
“Your little foals love playing with my tits, though,” Fluttershy pointed out. “That’s what they’re doing pretty much the entire time when they come over for foalsitting.”
“Has anypony in this town ever heard of the concept of too much information!?” Twilight moaned.
Missus Cake put a hoof to her chin and pondered. “You know? You have a point. Pound and Pumpkin won’t have any tits to play with if we only enjoy them in the sack.”
Fluttershy offered a small smile. “Right? They love my tits, and I even have boobies, which they also adore.”
“Aren’t those the same thing!?” Asked Twilight. Fluttershy giggled.
“Oh heavens no, I have half a dozen boobies, and they’re much larger than my tits.”
Twilight was counting hastily on her hoof, merely by raising it and counting on it over and over again. “Thirty…thirty five…seven…six more…a-are you even a pony at all!?”
Pinkie was at Twilight’s side. “Twilight, relax. You’re ejaculating.”
“I am not ejac—what!?”
“See, you’re doing it again,” Pinkie grinned. “If you keep ejaculating so much you’ll wear yourself out. Here-” she produced a confection from her mane, “-have a cupcake.”
“…why?”
“Because you ejaculate a lot when you’re upset.”
Twilight went so far as to check the ground beneath her for stains. “I am not ejaculating!” She shouted, her voice carrying on the breeze. “I don’t even have a peni—I am not ejaculating!”
“Totally ejaculating,” Pinkie said. She nodded at the assemblage, who responded with sagely agreement.
“Princess, you shouldn’t ejaculate everywhere,” Mister Cake said. “Please, come inside.”
“Isn’t that what you do while you’re ejaculating!?” Twilight said with exasperation.
“Yes, yes, please,” Missus Cake concurred. “Come inside. We’ll all play with Fluttershy’s tits together. And my husband’s tiny cock, too. You can have a nice cup of tea and watch the new games the foals have made up with them.”
“I’ll go to jail if I watch that!!”
Mister Cake looked downtrodden. “Gee Fluttershy, I guess you’re right. The foals would be so upset if I kept your tits in my sack, and it’s not like I can care for them in there. But do you understand why I was upset?”
“I sure don’t!!” Twilight blobbered.
“Oh yes, I understand,” Fluttershy replied amicably.
“We don’t really want the mayor to take your tits away,” Missus Cake explained. “But we really need them to stop smearing around all the pies that we own, before we can sell them off.”
“…b-but the Pies…” Twilight muttered, “…you can’t just…that’s not even right…”
“I’ll give my tits a firm talking to as soon as we get home,” Fluttershy promised. “Will that do? I’m so sorry for all the trouble.”
Mister Cake smiled. “I’m sorry too, I didn’t mean to abuse your tits, Fluttershy.”
“…didn’t mean to abuse your tits…” Twilight mumbled, as Missus cake began to lead her into the shop.
“You poor thing, you look so overworked. I’ve give you some of my signature banana nut bread to go with your tea. Why, I have four asses who just adore it when I put it in them.”
“You…have four asses,” Twilight repeated.
“Yes of course dear,” Missus Cake smiled. “They’re here often, although they always seem to stick out the most when I’m gardening. But I always come inside for them, since they love being filled with—”
“No…no…” Twilight waved a hoof listlessly. “Just…just…make me stop ejaculating by showing me foals playing with tits until you shove cake in all four of your asses, and one of my best friends is a boobmonster, and my confectioner can put things in his sack, and…I just can’t even…”
“Shh, you’re alright dear,” Missus Cake encouraged as she led shaky Twilight away. “You’ll be fit as a fiddle in no time, after you’ve spent some quality time with my husband’s little cock and a roomful of tits.”
“…fine…sure…okay…”
By the side of the building, Spike was hiding in the bushes while trying desperately to banish certain images from his head. A yellow hoof pushed back some foliage, and turquoise eyes were soon upon him.
“Spike?” Fluttershy asked “Are you okay? Would you like to play with my tits also?”
“H-hey!” Spike turned sharply away. “Don’t you know how to knock? I’m indisposed here!”
“…this is a shrub,” Fluttershy observed. Pinkie could not be seen approaching, but her bounce was familiar to all ears.
“Hey, you know my bush looks just like this! All thick and leafy.”
“Your…bush…?” Spike ventured.
“Yeah!” Pinkie insisted. “You wanna see?”
“Is…is that okay?”
“Sure silly!” Pinkie sang, her bounce engines firing up once more. “Meet me around back and I’ll show you every inch of my bush!”
“Poor Spike, you must be suffering from the heat,” Fluttershy cooed. “I’ll bring some of my tits. You can play with those too. Would that make you feel better?”
Spike shrugged. “…neither of you are Rarity, but…”
“Hey, I know!” Pinkie perked. “We could get wet with him! That’ll cool him down for sure!”
“…no that…really won’t cool anything off…” Spike muttered.
“Oh of course it will,” Fluttershy smiled. “Come on sweetie, Pinkie and I will make you feel all better, we promise.”
“You really won’t tell Twilight?” Spike asked. “Because I might end up grounded until I die.”
“For getting wet with two mares while playing with one’s tits while in the other’s bush? Oh psh, you’ll be fine! Let’s go get it on!”
Spike rolled with the inevitable. “I guess it’s like they say, you only live once!”
Spike allowed himself to be led off by his dear mare friends. Fluttershy’s thirty-seven tits were restored to her. Free for all to enjoy once more, everypony had a wonderful time with them. Only Mister Cake suffered, for his sack ended up being ruptured by the mare’s cavorting tits before he could expel from it himself. Mister Cake’s sack required many stitches.
All four of Missus Cake’s asses each ended up with their very own pie. The Pies, those present at least, were okay with that.
It was a lovely day in Ponyville.
