Meatballs Save Twilight's Life

by Troll

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1188

Meatballs save Twilight's life.

There's not much more to it. Meatballs save Twilight's life.

Published 2012-08-16 20:24:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-08-16 20:24:01 UTC

No. Really. Meatballs save Twilight's life.

No. Really. Meatballs save Twilight's life.

It was a fine day in Equestria. Not only was it a fine day, it was also an important day. Today was Pinkie Pie's birthday. Twilight had to make sure that she was looking her best for the birthday party. Haha, ponies don't wear clothes. Twilight walked out of the library and trotted over to Sugar Cube Corner, where Pinkie Pie usually was.

It was particularly nice day, and Twilight and her friends decided that they would bring Pinkie Pie on a picnic for her birthday. Twilight was supposed to bring Pinkie Pie to the park, where they would be waiting to surprise her. Twilight entered Sugar Cube Corner calling out Pinkie Pie's name.

"Pinkie Pie," she sang. The pink pony was nowhere to be found. Twilight looked around the room, but there was nobody there.

Twilight let out a scream but it was cut short by somepony's hoof. Somepony had grabbed Twilight and was now pulling her back into a separate room. It was Pinkie Pie.

"Twilight, what are you DOING here?!" Piknie Pie exclaimed.

"I'm here to take you to the park," said Twilight, Pinkie Pie's hoof removed from her mouth.

"What? The park? Twilight that's dangerous."

"Pinkie, what are you talking about, the park is very safe."

"No Twilight. Penguins."

"What."

"The penguins are back."

"Shit."

Twilight took a step toward Pinkie and lowered her voice.

"What weapons do we have?"

Pinkie Pie shot a glance around the room to make sure nobody was watching.

"Meatballs."

Twilight nodded.

And thus, Twilight and her valiant friend Pinkie Pie found their way into the kitchen, where mounds upon mounds of meatballs were. Twilight took many of these meatballs, arming herself for the impending penguins.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.

"Penguins," said Twilight.

The door burst open, and penguins rushed into the room.

Twilight and Pinkie Pie looked at each other and nodded. With a snort, Twilight ran into the main lobby screaming, the penguins rushing into the store. Twilight turned to face the onslaught of penguins, and with her horn lit up like a light bulb, started to fire meatballs at the penguins.

The penguins screamed with agony as the meatballs struck their feathers, causing many of them to go down. A couple penguins were able to dodge the meatbullets, and approached Twilight.

Twilight did a backflip and revealed her meatrope. Using the meatrope, she lassoed a penguin and tugged hard at the rope in midair, effectively choking the penguin. She then used her meatrope to whip a penguin into submission and then stuffed the meatrope into his mouth, causing him to choke to death.

Twilight then took out a meatnade, and ripped off the raw safety pin. She tossed it at the doorway, where the penguins were entering. Before they had a chance to run, the meatnade exploded and killed many penguins, along with he doorway. Twilight looked outside.

"It's worse than I imagined," Twilight said,"They're everywhere."

It was true, penguins were everywhere. They were on the roofs, on the streets, in the sky, and inside houses. Twilight looked back at Pinkie Pie. While she had been busy raping penguins, Pinkie Pie wasn't able to defend herself and died a meaty death.

"I must avenge her," said Twilight. Twilight tongue extended from her mouth and snaked up to her eyeballs. She proceeded to lick the tears out of her eyes.

Twilight looked at a group of penguins on top of a house. They were trying to break the roof so they could get into the building.

"Not on my watch," said Twilight. Out of nowhere, Twilight produced a meat-launcher, and loaded in a meatball. She put a hoof to the trigger and fired. The meatball traveled quickly, and in an instant the roof of the house blew up in a fiery, meaty explosion, causing all the penguins to die. The force of the explosion caused the house to crumble. The penguins all looked at their new enemy, and started to swarm.

Twilight put down her meat-launcher and took out a meat flail, the ball nice and pointy. She smiled wide at the approaching penguins. Without thinking about the proper use of the weapon in her hand, Twilight flung the spiked ball and chain at a penguin, nailing him in the stomach. She then produced ten meat-stars and threw them with ninja-like accuracy, effectively killing twelve penguins. She managed to get two double kills with the meat-stars.

Twilight's horn lit up, and she launched a hundred meatballs into the sky. She fended off a couple penguins with a meat sword, but after a couple seconds she grabbed her meat shield and put it over her head. The meatballs rained down from the sky, piercing multiple penguins in the heart and killing them.

Twilight saw that she was gravely outnumbered, so she ran back into sugar cube corner, leaving a meat-4 at the door. Using a meatanator, she detonated the meat-4 as some penguins waddled in, effectively meating them.

Then, using meat to meat the meat, Twilight meated the meat that needed to be meated. Using this meat, she meated the meat onto the meat and threw the meat-ball at the penguins outside. She plugged her ears and the meat-ball exploded. Unluckily for Twilight, the penguins were still coming, and they were coming fast.

Twilight ran up the meat-case and into the top room. She sat on a meat-couch to think, while pacing at the meat-floor. She had an idea. She ran to the meat-closet and opened it up, revealing the ultimate meat weapon. She took it out. It was an Ak-Meat. She grabbed the weapon and stood at the staircase, watching the penguins waddle up. She pressed the trigger and yelled as she shot meatballs out of the Ak-meat, the penguins falling down the staircase and dying as meatballs rained down on them.

TWilight ran out of ammo. She went back into the room and looked out the window. There were even more penguins.

"Shit, I need some firepower," Twilight said.

Twilight looked over at a nearby table. There was a meatbox. Twilight opened the meatbox and looked at the meatbutton inside. She looked woefully out of the window, and knew what she had to do. She pressed the meatbutton. All of a sudden, the meatroof and meatfloor began to open. Twilight stood, staring. Meatets were rising from beneath sugar cube corner. A voice started to count down.

When the voice reached zero, it said,"Meatballs."

The meatets were launched in a meaty ball of fire, and flew into the air. Twilight closed her eyes as the penguins started to swarm the bulding. The penguins were everywhere.

In what seemed like forever, the meatets were flying. In a split second, they hit the ground. The meatlear explosion was devastating, wiping out all of Ponyville and leaving meatiation for years to come.

Luckily, Twilight had covered herself in meatballs, so she survived.

Long story short, meatballs saved Twilight's life.

The end.

(It was only later that Twilight learned that the penguins didn't really exist, and they were just hallucinations)