I Care, But They don't

by Nocturnalis Storyhart

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Death, Sad, Original Character, Suicide / Self Harm
Length: 1282

is it just me, or is life just unfair. I know they say that you will get better, that you'll make it. Well, I just give and give, and it is draining me. Or should I say drowning. My soul is already dying, but not my body. Maybe I should just do...it.

Nocturnalis Storyhart has gone through a lot. She is told, if you help others you will help yourself. Sounds good, so that is all I do. But after so many yrs of this happening, I..I can't do this! I give and Give, yet no one ever gives in return. I have always given the disguise of a happy, carefree, friendly, nothing is wrong pony. And they believe it. Every single lie they believe. They can't see the truth. Maybe this will finally explain everything.

Published 2019-10-18 01:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-10-18 01:10:01 UTC

The disguise

I am always thought of as the happy, go lucky, crazy pony. Basically a long lost sister of Pinkie Pie. Every pony thinks that I am every pony's friend, that I bounce around, and don't need any 1 stable friend, because I have every pony!

Do they not think I have feelings?! That every day I am dying, over and over? Apparently, every pony is either so blind, they can't see beyond their 2 front hooves, or maybe they don't know how to interact. They might even see my pain, but choose to ignore it. I feel so alone.

I keep telling myself everything will be fine. That I will be fine because I'm strong. I have to be. I only cry for others, not for myself. At least only when I am seen. I am two ponies. The one that every pony sees, and the one only I know. It's tough, believe me. I only do what I have to.

I use my experiences to guide others, my pain to help me not let others go through what I've gone through. It seems though, I can help every pony else. You know with all their problems, worries, and cares. I carry their burdens, mourn with them even if they don't know it. When they are drowning, so am I. And when they move on, I try to, but I guess that is something I have a harder time doing.

It always seems, no matter what; I can help others, but I can never help myself.

I have gone through so much, and I bet I am not the only one. Perhaps though, I can't understand, no matter how hard I try. I would bet that every single pony reading this, and more, are all hiding something.

Now, some might be hiding a secret crush or relationship, maybe a talent, others could be a dream or plan, and many more could be hiding pain in some way. Whether it is a crappy life, an embarrassment or shame, a broken relationship, heartbreak, drugs, or something similar to something I'm going through.

This is just my problem, and I hope that any pony else will fair better than I did.

Backstory

Hi, Lunestia Storyhart here. If you read the sequel, you know the brief overview of my life. You know what, no matter what happens, I am always the witness. I see what happens, but no one else does.

Once upon a time, my personality really was the facade I put on now. Every pony just believes me to the happy, every pony's friend, and innocent pony I pretend to be. I have always helped others. Helped them when they were down, needed a friend, when they needed to spread out, or when they needed a shoulder to cry on. But, where is the shoulder I need to cry on?

So, you may wonder how I got here. Well, maybe if I tell a little more about my backstory, you'll understand. I was totally normal growing up and all. All my best memories were from then. I had 2 best friends, a wonderful school, and I was so happy. I was a kid. Until 1st grade. Yep, Normal all the way through 5 yrs old. But once I was 6, everything , and I do mean everything, changed.

My best friends moved, this new school sucked, and I was lonely. My father even thought it would be good to open me to the real and cruel world in which we live. You, know, he decided to open me up to politics and the problems of the world. Ever since then, my knowledge was just expanded. Anyway, every year of school since then, I tried to fit it, not to be the different one. And in 3rd grade I thought I would have a chance. But the pony I befriended left me. So, I was told later that I helped her. So, shouldn't I feel good about that? 4th grade was just a bunch of bullying. So, I became home schooled. I went back to public school in 7th and 8th grade.

Once again, I made a friend, Crack up. But then, one of my older friends, Gabby Gums, she and Crack up got together. And now they are friends with Captain Comic, and I'm left behind. Even Creepy Crawly is growing more distant. *Sighs*

I really miss my friends. I am also getting stressed because of Crack Up. She has a really hard time in school because of how rowdy our class is. When someone, especially someone who I consider a friend is upset, I am like a mirror! I basically reflect their emotions. I mourn with those who mourn. And their burdens become mine. So, not only am I an outlet, But I'm also a storage.

*Sigh* Can life improve?

Author's Note

my life forever

The Note and the Legacy

I just want to say thanks to all those who have stuck with me. Every single pony. I bet this hasn't been easy, for those who have stuck with me. And probably a lot of you didn't see this coming. I'm sorry.

But thanks to all my followers. I have no clue why you did. I haven't been of any use. Maybe you say I have, that this whole website just wouldn't be the same. I might agree, but you have to realize, I can help everyone else, but I can't help myself. Maybe that will become my quote.

I will have made admins on all my groups, in hope they can continue the legacy. I have tried to finish my stories, but you are welcome to if you wish. I am tying up any loose ends. I have always enjoyed being here, but maybe it is time to move on. I don't wish anyone pain. Please just let me go. Set me free.

Although I do ask a few things. Please keep me in memory, as no one is truly gone until no one remembers them. When you do think of me, try and do what I would've done. Look for anyone who might be in pain, 3 acts of kindness a day or more, and please be a friend to everyone. I might recommend the LDS church, as that might help bring some truth. Maybe see Brady Bunch about that.

Just help others, and always be a friend. And don't miss me, but just use my example as a way to honor my memory.

As I say farewell, I am remembering everything. Every happy time in my life, all the people who made a difference, my love for writing. My best yrs were when I was 3-5 yrs old. I will always cherish the time I was still a kid, before I was forced to grow up so young. I remember every pony here that made me smile when possible.

My departure is near. I will be here for about another week, just to finish tying up anything I might've missed.

Goodbye.

Author's Note

I just want every one to know that this is just a STORY. I have always wanted to write a story like this. It seemed so much more proper to write a departing story rather than blog. I am NOT going to kill myself. I have just been going through the pain of giving, but nothing fills my soul up. But I am not going to that extreme. This story was just a way to vent my frustrations. I am now working on 2 story request, and could use a little help on discordula if possible. thanks