No Reservations

Chapters

Chapter 1
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 2

Chapter 1

This is how it happened.

My name's Finn Kelly, and let me tell you something: you have not known boring until you've run the last shift at a small airport rent-a-car desk.

It's not that the work in itself is unfulfilling and stressful at times.
It is.
It's also thankless and at a certain point, you can't advance in your career...at least, until someone above you gets fired or quits.

Or goes insane. That was a Labor Day weekend to remember.
But that's not why you're here.

The part of my story you're interested in begins on a September evening.

It was the beginning of one of the few slow times of the year in the Rental business, when the major three day weekends are over, the kids are all back in school, but before the holiday and convention seasons start. I'd agreed to trade a shift with my buddy, Jeff, because I could have used the overtime, I owed him a favor, and doing so got me two days off in a row. Not a bad deal in the business.

Unfortunately, that means i was closing by myself an working until 1 in the Morning that Friday. But then, I'd known that already when I'd sacrificed my social life on the altar of continuous time off an a day of sleeping in.

I was the only one working that night at Payne Rent A Car. Our utility workers had left early for the evening, though I ha more cars than I knew what to do with. Further, we'd only had two reservations that evening. One was one our Gold Customers, so all I'd had to do was set his contract up in his car and wait for the other reservation before my shift ended. Thank goodness for airport Wi-fi.
I pulled up a movie on my phone, one I had seen before, so I could at least feign attention to arriving passengers and potential customers. While the Zucker Brothers magnum opus played quietly in the background, I took a minute to study the last reservation on the manifest.

The first thing I'd noticed was that there was no flight number attached to it. A couple of years ago, that might not have meant much. But people had gotten savvier about booking reservations with as much information as possible. That and it adds insult to injury if your flight gets delayed AND your reservation gets broken. Consequently, it was rare that an airport location like mine had a reservation without someone flying in. Oh sure, you got the occasional local, but they usually went with the neighborhood rental locations. No sense in avoiding airport taxes and duties when you could avoid it.

The second thing that leapt out at me was that the corporate discount program attached. See, any organization worth their salt gets a discount code and saves money off their rentals. Sometimes, a whole five percent! Never fear, West Hoboken Bagel Appreciation Society, your business is much appreciated.

All kidding aside, you get the usual ones. Triple A, Costco, in addition to a few dozen tech companies. I always had a good head for memorizing strings of numbers, and I got to the point that I'd known the usuals by sight. This one wasn't. Curious, I was diverted from watching Ted Striker dealing with his Drinking Problem and looked it up.
Hmm...Equus Ventures, Inc...
The rental program's information screen yielded no meaningful information, so I dusted off my Google Fu and did some digging. I found three potential contenders. The first was some sort of Venture Capital outfit from out of Silicon Valley. They had a very professional website, but it didn't feel right. Neither did the other, which turned out to be a real-estate developer of some type or another. They were more likely than the venture capital outfit, since Washoe Valley was in something of a land rush, but I figured that anyone coming into the market was late to the game.

Which left option three...

The third potential Equus Ventures barely had a website to speak of. It had a vague mission statement, something flowery about "Discovering and Unlocking maximum potential of interpersonal relationships", whatever that meant. Their contact page gave an address.
1060 West Addison Ave, Chicago, Il, 60613...now why does that sound familiar...

I thought about it for a few minutes, but nothing twigged. I figured it'd probably come to me just as I was about to fall asleep.

Finally, the name under the reservation was unusual as well. What poor kid had to be saddled with such hippie-dippy parents to name her Sunset Shimmer ? I snorted and glanced back at the reservation time. They were due in sometime around eleven that night...and right now it was only half past eight. I sighed and decided not to think about it much. Besides, Leslie Nielsen was asking us to not call him "Shirley".

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A quarter to midnight, and there still wasn't a sign of a customer, unfortunately named or otherwise. I sighed. They had maybe an hour or so before I started closing up. But then, I might not have too long to wait. I suddenly heard a clatter of footsteps and the roll of wheeled luggage. A trio of women rounded the corner from the concourse, dragging suitcases behind them. The first was a stunning redhead, with blonde highlights, dressed in jeans, a casual top, a black leather jacket and a pair of cowboy boots. She was breathing heavily, which I only took professional notice of.

Seriously.

Finally, I noticed the curious design embroidered on the lapel of her jacket: a red and orange Yin and Yang centered in a burst of fire.

The woman to her right was dressed like the Platonic-ideal of hot librarians everywhere. She wore glasses, a long purple skirt, sensible brogans, and a dark purple cardigan over a plain white blouse. Her hair was dark, almost purple, though it did have a streak of pink and lavender. She wore it up in a bun, though a few strands had worked their way loose from the lavender and pink starburst hair clip, giving her an overall frizzy aspect. She was every bit the knockout her companion was, but something in her bearing that suggested that she would have been in complete denial of her appearance.

Don't look at me like that. It's my job to notice these things.

The final woman was...something else. She wore cream colored slacks and a suit jacket over a white blouse,and she carried no luggage. She was every bit as gorgeous as the other two women, but she had an indefinite air of gravitas. Her body language didn't just invite people to stare at her; she expected it. She wore an enigmatic expression on her appealing features, and her mesmerizing purple eyes (purple eyes, I tell you!) gave the impression they could tell precisely what you were thinking. She wore her hair up in a tight bun under a broad sun hat, but, weirdly, I couldn't tell what her hair color was. It shifted under the fluorescent lighting, from platinum blonde, strawberry blonde, and, at one glance, I swore it was a pale green. She also stood about six inches taller than the other two women, despite the fact she was wearing flats and they were in heeled boots.

Stranger still, all three women showed no signs of travel. Usually, folks come off the plane in various states of wrinkled clothes and travel fatigue. Nearly everyone wants to just get their car and go to one of the casinos or get to their business meetings. These ladies...they looked like they'd just stepped off the runway. The fashion runway.

I paused for a minute to consider my appearance. I mean, I'm not exactly what I'd call a sterling specimen of masculinity. I mean, sure, I've put on a little weight since my old deckhand days, but I'm still in pretty good shape. I was more concerned about my rumpled dress shirt and, to my dismay, the stain on my tie. I kept my red hair & goatee too short to achieve any sort of disarray, but my five o'clock shadow was starting to show, and I was pretty sure I smelled like 11 hours of hard work. All in all, not what I would call ideal circumstances to impress a beautiful woman, never mind three of them.

I put my fears behind me and put on my best smile. Showtime, Finn.
"Evening ladies. How can I help you?"

The redhead gave me a smile. "Hey there. I think we've a reservation, under the last name Shimmer".

"Yep! I got you right here. If you'll pass me your license and credit card, I can get you started."

She handed them over, and I surreptitiously double checked them. She had an Illinois License that looked legitimate enough, and her credit card (Capital One, for those of you keeping score at home) scanned through without any issues. A few seconds later and I was copying her information into the computer and making eye contact.

I know! And for my next trick, I'll walk and chew bubblegum!

"So, what brings you to Reno, Miss Shimmer?"

"Oh, business, mostly. We might take in some of the sights while we're here."

I nodded as my fingers flew over the keyboard. "Sounds good. If you don't mind my asking, what line of work are you in?"

She waved an airy hand. "Oh, all sorts. At the moment, we're headhunting."

I nodded. "Well, you've come to the right place. Reno hasn't grown this much since the Comstock Lode took off."

She frowned at me. "The what now?"

I nodded to the wall on my left, indicating the south in general. "Big silver lode up in the Virginia Foothills. Second largest silver strike in the world, if I remember right. At one point, they were paving the streets with silver ore because they had more than they knew what to do with." I shrugged. "Virginia City's pretty much a tourist trap these days, but if you get a day spare, there's plenty of history up there."

The bookish one perked up at that. "That sounds exciting, actually! What sort of things do they have up there?"

I shrugged. "All sorts of museums. Old firefighting equipment, mining exhibits, railroads, that sort of thing. Here, hold on a second." I reached over to the wall of local tourist attractions nearby and palmed one of the ones for Virginia City. "I'll toss this in with your rental agreement. I don't know if you'll have time on your trip, but if you've any appreciation of history, it's a solid way to spend a day or so."

Sunset's glance flicked over to her scholarly looking companion, and shrugged. "Thanks! Anything else we should check out while we're in town?"

I thought for a few seconds before I spoke. "Well, truth be told, you came at an awkward time. You just missed the Hot Air Balloon Races, Air races, Rib Fest, and Camel Races. There's a few museums downtown, but unless you're a kid or interested in Classic cars or Bowling, you're probably out of luck. There is the Riverwalk, downtown, but that's mostly just a place to eat, drink and be merry. But it's fairly pretty, all the same."

The bookish lady glanced at her red-headed companion. "We should have brought Dash with us."

The third woman cleared her throat, and glanced at her shorter companion, who flushed and quieted. Into the silence I decided to earn my commission for the night.

Hey, don't judge me. I like to help people, but a guy's also got to eat.

"Ahem. Well, ladies, I see here you're down for a full size car, but if you'd like, I can hook you up with something more stylish. I have a Cadillac that' be perfect for the three of you."

The three women glanced between themselves, and Sunset looked back at me. "How much extra is it?"

I shrugged. "I've seen them go for about ninety a day, but frankly, It's just taking up space on my lot. Ten bucks over your current daily rate, and it's all yours." The two shorter women glanced back at their taller companion, who nodded and said "That seems more than reasonable. We'll take full insurance as well. One can never be too careful."

"Too right, miss. Now, right now, Sunset, you're allowed to drive the car. Did we want to add anyone else to the rental agreement?"

Sunset frowned thoughtfully, then turned to her two friends. "I don't have any problems with it. Are you interested?"

The one with glasses shook her head. "Maybe sometime later. I don't think I'd be the right person for it."
The tall one in the back stepped forward and asked "Is there an additional fee?"

I decided to pull one of my tricks out. She didn't look a day over thirty, but I gave her an appraising look. "Well, that depends. Are you over twenty five years old?"

She smiled enigmatically. "Somewhat."

I grinned and nodded. "In that case, you're good. If you could just show me your driver's license and either a credit card or other form of ID, I can get you in no problem."

Still smiling, she reached into her jacket and pulled out a Canadian driver's license and Passport.
"Give me just a second," I said, and then started copying her information over. According to her license, she was a Miss Stella Solaris, and her passport seemed legitimate.

A few seconds later, I'd printed up their rental agreement, gone over the rental charges and what each part of the insurance coverage covered, and what their daily charges would be. "Now, looking at it, you've got the car until this time Monday evening. If you'd like to extend your rental, this is my phone number here." I underlined it with a ballpoint pen. "My name's Finn, but if I'm not here, the easiest way anyone can look your contract up is by your contract number, which is up here." I underlined it on the top right corner of their paperwork. I nodded to the elevator behind them. "If you take that elevator over there up to the second floor, your car should be in stall D-42. If it isn't, or if you have any questions about the car's features, come back down here and see me. I'll be here for..." I checked the clock on the computer. "Another half hour or so, and I can get you sorted out."

The redhead gave me a smile and said "Thank you very much. Can you give us directions to the Grand Sierra Resort?"

"Oh sure. Just follow the signs for the freeway north, and it's two exits up. You can't miss it."

All three of them thanked me profusely, gathered up their luggage, contract, car keys, and made their way to the elevator. Sunset gave me a wave goodbye, though her bookish companion was fascinated by the automatic closing doors and the buttons. Then the door closed and they were gone.

I sighed. Well, I thought to myself, There's worse ways to end a shift than getting a nice contract like that. Now, we'll just have to see if they have any issues. In the meantime, I started closing up the booth.

Forty five minutes later, I'd about managed to stow the cash we'd taken in for the day, not to mention the spare car keys, other materials, and assorted detritus that accumulates at a workstation over the course of a shift. No sense in leaving things out of shape for the morning shift. I was just about to lock up the office when I heard footsteps coming down the councourse at a run.

She was beautiful, but dressed much more plainly than the other three women I'd managed to help, in a pair of tight, dark blue jeans, high-top sneakers, a purple Hawaiian shirt spangled with silver stars over a lavender tank top. Even more incongruously, she wore a matching witches' hat. Her hair was platinum blonde, and fell to her shoulders, an her fine-boned features bore mixed expressions of triumph and concern.

"You, stallion! Did you see where those three mares went?"

I actually looked behind me to see who she was addressing, then turned back. "Were...were you talking to me?"

"Who else would Trixie be addressing, dolt?"

I harnessed my deepest reserves of Customer Service Fu and summoned up my best smile. "Well, I helped three women a short while ago, but they left a half hour ago. There's a chance they're still up on the second floor if you'd like to look."

She shot me a dirty look, then turned and looked around the concourse. "Where are the stairs?"

"Either end of the hallway, but the Elevator's faster."

She cocked her head to one side. "What do you mean?"

I sighed and put up the "Closed" sign on the desk. I figured I'd check if someone showed up in the next ten minutes. "Here, come with me."

I led her over to the elevators and called one. She seemed surprised when the doors slid open, but followed me in for the short ride up.

The doors opened on the second floor, and, as I'd thought, Space D-42 was empty. I shook my head. "Sorry, Miss, looks like they're gone."Then a thought occurred to me. "How did you get separated? Weren't you all on the same flight?"

She hesitated. "It...it was Trixie's fault."

I frowned. I mean, sure, there's plenty of distractions on the airport concourse after you leave your airplane, running the gamut between slot machines and duty free shops. But I'd thought that it'd be a pretty sorry outlook if three of your companions left the airport without you. As rude as she'd been, I was also starting to get concerned. "Can you call them? They might not have gone far."

She looked around, shrugged, threw her head back and shouted at the top of her lungs. "SUNSET SHIMMER! CELESTIA! PRISSY KNOW IT ALL SPARKLE! THE LOST AND ALONE TRIXIE NEEDS YOUR ASSISTANCE!!!"

Car alarms up and down the row started going off and I'm pretty certain I'd never hear the same out of my left ear again. She waited for the echoes to die away before turning to me. "Your suggestion was singularly unhelpful."

I gave her a level look. "I meant on your cellphone."

She looked confused and, if I wasn't mistaken, somewhat apprehensive. "Trixie...er...I don't have...mine."

I frowned at that. Heck, even the bums around here have cellphones. "Okay...Come back downstairs. I'll see if I can call them."

An elevator ride later, I pulled up the contract and dialed the number they had on file on speaker phone. A computerized voice said "Please wait a moment." Instead of ringing, whatever phone service started playing an orchestral version of "Go Bananas" before a woman's voice said "You have reached the voicemail of Stella Solaris. Please leave a message after the squee" followed immediately by the sound of what sounded like a party horn.

I glanced up at Trixie, who was simply gaping at the speakerphone. I rolled my eyes and said "Hello Miss Stellaris. This is Finn from Payne rent-a-car. I have a member of your party here, a Miss Trixie..." I glanced at the woman with me, who whispered something I couldn't quite make out. "Trixie Bluemoon, who is most distraught by not meeting you. If you could call her at your earliest convenience, she would greatly appreciate it." With that, I hung up.

Trixie glared at me. "Why did you hang up? Surely you only have to wait for her answer."

I frowned at her. "Well, that was her voicemail. I mean, I don't know how often she checks it, but hopefully she should be able to get in touch with you." Then my rental instincts kicked in. Might as well make an extra buck if I could. "Would you like to rent a car?"

She frowned. "What would I need to rent one of your strange carriages?"

"Do you have a driver's license and a credit card?"

"A...a what?"

"You know..." I couldn't tell if she was being deliberately stupid, drunk, or just didn't know. I pulled out my wallet to show her mine. "One of these things, and a credit card."

"I...I...Trixie is not sure."

I indicated her jeans. "Check your pockets, you might have something there." She didn't seem drunk, but if this was a case of travel shock, it was the worst I'd seen.

Trixie, for her part, seemed genuinely surprised that her jeans even had pockets, and spent the better part of five minutes searching all four of her pockets and turning out nothing more interesting than lint, which she presented to me with a flourish. "How about this! What can you give Trixie in exchange for this wondrous material?"

They come here, they all come here...how...do they find ME?!?

I arched an eyebrow. "With that and a sharp knife, you can slice bread." I sighed. "Look, I know your friends are staying at the Grand Sierra Resort, at least, that's what they told me." The cynical side of me suddenly reared its head, and pointed out that I only had this lady's word that the other three women were her friends. What if she were hostile to them? I might be doing more harm than good.

Thankfully, Trixie shook her head. "No...no. Trixie will just...um...Thank you for your help. Farewell!" With that she turned and bolted up the concourse, back the way she had originally come.

I shook my head and muttered "Crazy broad" under my breath.

With that, I glanced at the clock. It was ten minutes past closing. I swore, forwarded the phones, grabbed my jacket, and headed out. The only downside, as far as I could tell, was I had to head down the concourse in the same direction Trixie had left. Hopefully, I thought, our paths wouldn't cross.

Of course, the Great Will of the Macrocosm has a sense of humor.

I saw Trixie again fifty yards down the concourse, around the corner from the rent-a-car counters. I'd expected that she'd have been trying to get something out of the slots, or maybe just hanging out at one of the numerous airport bars. Instead, she was furiously pushing her hands against a nondescript wall halfway down the concourse, muttering under her breath in frustration. As I grew closer, she threw a shoulder against the wall once, twice, and then slumped down to the floor, utterly dejected. Her body shook with what I was certain was a sob, and she buried her head in her arms.

I frowned at that. Sure, she'd been arrogant and downright rude to me. But by the same token, she was a stranger in our town, and she wasn't acting like a junkie. This girl seemed to be genuinely in trouble. And dammit, if it's one thing that's guaranteed to get me to help, it's a damsel in distress.

I slowly walked over to her. "Hey...Do you need a hand?"

Trixie sniffed and looked up at me, blinking tears from her blue eyes. Some women are pretty when they cry. Trixie's features went blotchy. "Wha-What did you say?"

I held out a hand to her. "Come on, on your feet now. If you like, I'll drop you off at the GSR on my way home. You should be able to connect with your friends there."

She simply stared at my hand, as if unsure what to do with it. I shook it in front of her. "C'mon, grab hold."

She tentatively reached forward, and put her hand in mine. Her hands were soft, though she had calluses. She was used to manual labor, though her fingers were long and flexible. I pulled her to her feet. "That's the first step, miss. Come on, I'll give you a lift."

Trixie stood, and then wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "Very well. Trixie will allow you to give her a...lift, as you say. But...But could Trixie stay with you?"

Say what?

"I...I mean, you're more than welcome to...my home's not exactly what you'd call 'palatial'..."

"Trixie does not care. You have been more than helpful to Tr..." She took a deep breath, "...To ME when I have been less than kind to you, so Tr-I know you have little reason to help me...but...I have nowhere else to turn. And if Trixie cannot find her friends at this... GSR..."

I took a deep breath before I spoke. She had a point. She obviously had no identification, no money, nothing to rely on in a strange city except a strange person she'd only known for fifteen minutes at the outside. Furthermore, she was a fairly young and, I wasn't kidding myself, fairly attractive member of the fairer sex. She was extending a fair measure of trust in me, asking for shelter. And God knew, there were plenty of scumbags in this town that would take advantage of a young woman in her position. I'd be damned if I counted myself among their number.

"Sure. Come on, Let's get you somewhere safe."

Chapter 3

Two hours later, my mood had not improved.

Our initial search had taken us to the Grand Sierra Resort, but, frustratingly, either they had either checked in under different names or weren't there to begin with. So, I'd suggested we check out the other major casinos, starting with the two nearest, the Peppermill and Atlantis, which also turned out to be dry wells. After leaving each casino, I'd taken time to casually drive through the parking lots, looking for their Cadillac. Not that I'm one to brag, but one of my odd talents is having a memory for odd license plates, which turned out to be an added benefit in my line of work. Unfortunately, this also proved fruitless as well.

Then we got caught up in the traffic jam.

Some accident had managed to close off the entire northbound freeway, and I hadn't been able to exit in time.
Still, I mused, it could have been worse. I could have been the schmuck in the accident.

"Rrgh...what could the hold up be? It's been nearly a half hour, if Trixie is reading your clock right."

Then again... I took a deep breath, and consciously, loosened my grip on the steering wheel, mildly surprised that I hadn't crushed grooves into it. It was several more seconds before I could answer civilly.

"Must have been a pretty bad one for the whole freeway to be shut down. Highway patrol's got to make sure the scene's documented, EMT's have to make sure they can move people before the cars can be cleared..." I sighed, covering my growling stomach. The charitable part of my mind pointed out that Trixie must be likewise hungry, and reminded me to be patient. I shrugged. "Not much we can do except wait."

Trixie made a frustrated noise and stared out the windows. After a moment, her expression turned pensive. "There sure are a lot of people in this city of yours, Finn Kelly."

"You're right. And please, just call me Finn." I responded, devoutly thankful I hadn't given her my full name. Nobody in their right mind should have to slog through life with a name like "Finbarr" anyway.

"So busy...and it's only Midday."

I nodded. "Reno's getting busier and busier too. Granted, we're nowhere near Vegas, San Francisco, or Los Angeles, but we're up and coming."

Trixie turned to look over at me, her expression genuinely curious. "So, how many of these people do you know? Or who know you?"

That's an odd question... It took me a few seconds to change mental gears. "I don't know...maybe a half dozen?"

Trixie's eyebrows rose slightly. "Does that count your family?"

Oof...well, she couldn't have known. "No, not really." I debated not telling her, but pressed on anyway. "Don't have any. At least, not anymore. My father died overseas when I was young...I don't really remember him much. Mom died a few years later in a car accident, and I was raised by my Grandad. He passed away a couple of years ago."

It was an old ache, something that had gnawed at me for a while. I had more or less moved on from it, but every now and then, the grief reared its head and I'd be a bit of a wreck. I sat back in my seat, doing my level best to ignore it. Grieve later, solve problems now.

I was, however, surprised when I felt Trixie place a pale hand on my shoulder. "Tr...I am sorry. I didn't know..."

I shook my head and gave her a sad smile. "No way you could have known. Don't worry about it." I decided to circle back to the previous conversation that I had so ably derailed. "So, yeah, six, maybe seven or eight people I'd call really close friends."

"In such a big city...it seems..." She shook her head, searching for a word.

"Sad?" I offered, helpfully.

"Wrong." Trixie said with emphasis. "You have so many opportunities to make friends here. Given the numbers involved, I would have thought you'd have dozens, given how helpful and handsome you are."

I laughed. "Well, don't get me wrong, it's not like nobody's unfriendly. It's just that..." I took a second to order my thoughts. "It's that everyone has to make a living, and everyone has different schedules, different interests...and sometimes, people's jobs take them to work at odd hours. In general, everyone's polite and kind to each other, but if you're talking about people that you can actually spend free time with..." I shrugged. "It's hard, sometimes."

Trixie nodded, her expression pensive. "I suppose that makes a certain degree of sense. My job required a certain degree of travel. I can really only say I've got three or four close friends as well."

"Huh...well, I guess I can see why you'd be desperate to find them, if they're all here."

Just then, the traffic started moving again, as well as Trixie's stomach giving an extra large growl. I glanced over at her. "I'm guessing you're hungry too?"

"Starving. Where can we get something to eat?"

I grinned. "How would you like to sample Nevada's greatest contribution to fine dining?"

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Ok look. Nevada might not look like it has much going for it, culturally. What land isn't owned by the government or casinos is generally sagebrush and desert. We have mineral deposits almost as far as the eye can see, but other than geologists, that's not terrifically exciting. We can't claim regional food delicacies, like Louisiana can for Cajun food, or any number of other states for barbecue.

That said, I don't know if we invented the buffet, but we certainly perfected it.

After checking for Trixie's friends at the Harrah's front desk (no luck, naturally) I paid for myself and my companion for the buffet at the same hotel.

"Celestia's shiney hiney..." Trixie's voice held a note of reverence, which I couldn't really fault her for containing. To a hungry person, the massive buffet was Food Nirvana.

We met at a table later, and I goggled at what Trixie had assembled on her tray. Sure, I'd loaded up with my usual favorites of General's Chicken and Pizza, but other than a salad (heavy on the croutons and dressing), it looked like she'd hit the dessert station and gotten two, if not three, of everything.

I nodded at the sugary mountain piled before her. "Someone's got a death wish."

"Bite me, Finn. It's not often I get to indulge myself in this manner." She began to eat a salad with a dainty voracity I'd rarely encountered before.

"So, Finn, let me ask you a question."

"Fire away." I muttered around a mouthful of food.

"Is there Magic here?"

I frowned and took a drink from my ginger ale. What kind of question is that?

"I mean, if you're looking for me to take you to see a show, I'm going to have to put my foot down."

She shook her head. "You're doing more than enough for me already. I mean, can people do feats of magic here?"

"Well, not everyone can, but I can show you a few magic tricks. Here, watch this."

Ever since I was in high school, I was in the habit of carrying a deck of cards on me wherever I went, for a few reasons; First off, there's always an opportunity to play cards with any number of bored people. Second, If I were ever stranded on a desert island, I'd have something to occupy myself with. And finally, there's a chance to do what I was about to do: Impress someone.

I pushed my plate to one side, and pulled the cards out. I flipped the top card over, showing the King of Diamonds, Then flipped it back over, then pulled the card back into the center of the deck. Then, grinning, I tapped the top card, and flipped it over again, revealing the King of Diamonds again. Then, I pulled the card off the top of the deck and inserted it into the middle again with a flourish, followed by a shuffle and a cut. I slid the top card off and turned it over to reveal our old friend the Diamonds again. I gave Trixie a smile. "Was that what you were looking for?"

To my amazement, she was nonplussed. "No, not really. Although your Double lift and false cut were more than impressive enough, that's just...ledgermane." She leaned in. "I'm talking about stuff like...Levitation. Teleportation. Actual Magic."

I shook my head as I stowed my cards again. "Not really. At least, nothing that the government hasn't classified. I mean, sure, you might see an act like that in Vegas, but it's usually just more of the same."

Trixie had finished her salad by this point and started on a slice of key lime pie I swore I could have slept on. "What about Harmony?"

Even though I heard the capitalization in the word, I can't resist a straight line. "Oh sure. That comes right after Melody and Rhythm."

"No, you fool, I mean..." She frowned, her gaze going distant. "Isn't there some...Energy that permeates your world, that drives folks to work together?"

"Sounds like The Force", I muttered. When she looked at me like she expected me to elaborate, I continued. "You know...Star Wars? An invisible force that surrounds us, gives life to the universe?"

Trixie looked excited. "Yes! That's it exactly!"

I shook my head. "Only in the movies."

At her crestfallen expression, I continued. "Well, again, it's not that people don't get along. But if there's some mystical force that's running through here, I haven't heard of or seen it."

"Madness." I heard Trixie mutter to herself, as she moved from the few remaining crumbs of Key Lime pie to the cheesecake.

I sighed. "Maybe. Lord knows the world could use it." I ate some more, then a thought occurred to me. "Hey, you spotted how my trick worked."

"Naturally! A performer of Trixie's Caliber should be able to recognize an act when she sees one." The cheesecake had been reduced to a few scant crumbs, and she had moved onto an Everest-sized mountain of soft serve chocolate ice cream festooned with gummy bears, sprinkles and swimming in chocolate syrup. "Your performance was amateurish, but competent."

"Gee, thanks." I said, sardonically. "I suppose I am a little rusty. But that's besides the point. You're a Stage Magician?"

She smiled at that. It did wonderful things to her face. "I suppose you could call it that. I do more traveling than anything else, performing in towns for passers by."

"Busking." I nodded. "I tried doing that, while I was in college. It's a tough way to make a living, though."

Trixie nodded. "You're not wrong. Though I will admit, it's nice to own your life, to be beholden to no-one." Her expression turned wistful. "It can get lonely on the road though. Trixie has come to appreciate her friends." She glanced over at me. "So, you tried the role of wandering performer, eh?"

I wavered a hand. "Only briefly. I couldn't make ends quite meet doing either magic or music. Luckily, I managed to get a better job as a deckhand on a party fishing boat. The work was harder, but it was almost more honest. And I never went hungry, during the tourist season."

Trixie frowned. "I may have not noticed it, but I can't see much ocean up here."

I grinned and gestured in a vaguely westerly direction. "Lake Tahoe's only about an hour away. Plenty of fishing there, even in the winter."

Somehow, in the intervening conversation, Trixie had finished her mountain of sugary treats. She sat back and dabbed daintily at her mouth with a napkin. "It sounds like you have led an active and interesting life, Finn Kelly."

I smiled at that. "I could tell you the same thing. It's not an easy thing to pull off the traveling magician gig." I glanced at the time. "We should probably keep going, if we're hoping to find your friends."

"Give me a few minutes, Finn. I don't think I can move just yet."

I felt my grin broaden. "No no, your Worshipfulness. Time and Tide await for no man." I stood. "We're burning daylight, come on."

"Finn...I would kill you, if I could stand up."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I managed to get Trixie up.

She didn't kill me.

In case you were wondering.

The next two hours were fruitless as we checked the other major casinos. The Silver Legacy, Cal Neva, the El Dorado...dry wells all.

As Trixie and I walked back to my Suburban, I gave her a sidelong glance. "I don't suppose you have any idea what their trip was all about in the first place, do you?"

She shook her head as we got in. "Only vague references. Fussy Miss Purplesmart had wanted to do some further research, And Her Sunniness had decided she could use some entertainment in her retirement. But more than that, I have no idea."

"Retirement?" I frowned at that, thinking back to the three women we were searching for. "She must have been doing well, to retire so young...and what's so funny?"

"N-nothing." She said, restraining a wave of giggles. "You wouldn't believe me, anyway."

I snorted. "Maybe." I glanced out the window. "Ah, there you go. Told you the moon would be up."

Trixie's giggles trailed off, as she saw where I was looking. "Huh..." She trailed off into pensive silence as I navigated back onto the freeway. "That's...odd." Her brows knit again, then she inhaled sharply. " WHAT IN TARTARUS' TESTICLES IS THAT!?"

Her tone of voice was so fearful and panicked that I jerked the steering wheel in pure reflex. "What is what?!"

"THAT!" She was pointing out the windshield at...

"That?!" I laughed. I couldn't help it. "Oh that! Saints preserve us!" I wrestled with my laughter, but it took me a good minute to get my mirth under control. Granted, once I looked over at Trixie, it was a good deal more difficult. Her otherwise beautiful features were currently marred by an expression of equal parts horror and someone whose sense of propriety had been gravely affronted.

"What is it you are laughing at, Finn Kelly?"

"You!" I wheezed. "That's an airliner!" I pointed at the red and blue painted jetliner that was flying in to its final approach to Reno Tahoe International Airport. "Run! Run! Flee from the terror of Southwest Airlines!" I waved one hand in mock alarm, laughing all the more. "Save us! Flee in terror of their unassigned seating and low grade peanuts!"

"I am wondering when you will cease having fun at my expense and explain what's so funny."

I glanced over at her, chuckling. "How do you not know what an Airliner is? Hell, didn't you arrive on one?"

Trixie folded her hands over her chest and huffed out a breath. "Of course Trixie did! She just...didn't see it from the outside is all."

"Sure" I said, laughing. "Whatever you say, Your Worshipfulness." I shook my head, letting my laughter die out naturally. Something was troubling me.True, I knew Trixie to be self absorbed and needy. But she had a brain between her ears. Certainly something had truly worried her. And clearly there was almost no chance she could have missed what an airliner looked like. Something about her story and that of her friends' was starting to smell. There were too many inconsistencies, based off what I'd seen. Either Trixie wasn't telling me the whole truth, or there was something more sinister going on. Outwardly, I kept my expression cheerful, but I was starting to worry, and not for the first time.

Just what have I gotten myself involved with?

"Where are we going to next, Finn?"

I glanced at her. "Well, we've burned enough daylight searching and we've hit most of the major casinos here. We could try and hit every motel in Washoe Valley, but that's going to take more time than we have. So, we're heading back to my place."

"Your place?"

I nodded. "Yep. If nothing else, we know they're in town somewhere, and odds are good by now they know you're in town." Another thought occurred to me. "Hey...Have they tried to get in touch with you?"

She turned to me, genuinely surprised. "How would they do that?"

"On your phone?" I fished my cellphone from my pocket and waved it by way of example. "I mean, have they left a message or a voicemail for you? Haven't you checked?"

"Ah." She patted her jeans down, then her shirt pockets. "I...must have left it back at your house."

What person leaves their phone at home? Outwardly, I said "Well, no worries. We should be home in a few minutes."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When we arrived home, Trixie hustled off to her room, muttering something about wanting to check her phone. I, for my part, flopped on my sofa. Sure, I had been sitting on my rear for most of the day driving, but let's be honest: any time you can sprawl on a sofa, you should with extreme prejudice.

Trixie came out of her room, her expression frustrated. "No messages from them, or a speakmail. They haven't tried to contact Tr-Me."

I raised an eyebrow at that. "Did you try to get ahold of them?"

"Of course Trixie did! Trixie is Great and Powerful, and almost certainly not an imbecile!" She flounced over to the armchair and threw herself into it. "So, what are we to do now?"

I thought about that for a second before I spoke. "Well, I've got to work the evening shift tomorrow, when your friends are due back with the car. We can't do too much unless they get in touch with us, so we get a breakthrough in the next eighteen hours..." I reached over to the coffee table and picked up the TV remote. "So we do what every red blooded American does."
I flipped the power on and gave Trixie a grin. "We binge watch some television."

If I hadn't known better, I'd have said she was shocked, but she recovered quickly. "Very well, Finn Kelly. If you insist."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I have to say, Finn, I find this show very relateable."

"Oh, do you?"

"Yes. These...characters are remarkably similar to po...er...people I know back home."

"No kidding?"

"Oh yes. In particular, the random, frizzy haired one. Who sings the silly songs."

I nodded at that. "She's one of the more entertaining characters."

"And the super-organized neurotic one and the fashion conscious one. Both of them are remarkably similar to people I know."

I nodded. "This was a pretty popular show for it's day. Ran for nearly ten years, too."

"Really? That long?"

"Oh yeah. That's crazy long in television."

Trixie snuggled deeper into the blanket I had provided for her four episodes ago. "The theme song is quite catchy as well too."

I grinned as I turned it up. "Tell me about it. I used to tune in every week for this show."

And we settled in for the evening with the tv playing.

Author's Note

Holy crap! You're still reading this!

Thanks for staying tuned so far, there will be more to come!

Chapter 4

I was playing the piano.

In the disruption over the last few days, I'd forgotten to practice. Which was pretty bad of me, I'd have to admit. Music might just come naturally to some people, but I'm one of those guys who needs to practice on a daily basis, if for no other reason than it helped me relax at the end of the day. There's a lot to be said for making something beautiful, even if it wasn't one of your own compositions.

I was sitting on a comfortable bench before a magnificent glistening concert piano. A spotlight shone down on me from directly above, illuminating me in a pool of warm light and casting everything beyond it into deep shadow. I could sense, rather than see or hear, an audience listening to my music with rapt attention.

As the final chord died away, a beautiful alto voice spoke over my shoulder. "That's a lovely composition."

I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder and turned to see-

Wow

The woman from my dream last night was there again, listening to me play my music. This time, though, she was very different. Gone was the stuffy academic suit, though she still wore the crescent moon necklace. Instead, she wore a sheer dress of deepest amethyst, cut daringly low in front and almost to the small of her back in the rear. A curious glance showed the dress was long, almost to her ankles, but it was slit almost up to her hips. Her silver moon necklace rested against her pale collarbone, and she wore no other finery, but her dark hair hung loose around her shoulders. She had somehow worked fine rhinestones into her hair and dress, and as she moved she glistened in the darkness. Her expression was compassionate, if enigmatic. "See thee ought what pleases thee?"

"Um...you're looking nice."

She smiled and moved up to lean against the magnificent Steinway grand piano I was sitting before. "Thou art a flatterer, Finn Kelly, but we thank thee." She glanced down at the piano, then back up at me. "Woulds't thou play me a tune?"

I briefly thought about what sort of music she would like, then my eyes landed on her necklace. I smiled up at her and said "Certainly. Let me know what you think of this."

And then I played.

I'd been working on this piece for a while, but somehow, I'd never quite gotten the precise fingering right, or the dynamics. But tonight...tonight the music poured out of me, gentle and beautiful and just vaguely sorrowful. I wasn't merely playing the music. I was a conduit for the music, as it flowed through me and the piano into the surrounding air.

As the last notes vanished into the night, the beautiful woman sighed and leaned against the piano. I tore my attention away from her...necklace and met her gaze. Her expression was compassionate and just a bit wistful. "There is fine music in you, Finn Kelly."

I shook my head, blinking back tears. "I..." I took a deep breath and composed myself. "I've never played it that well before."

She nodded. "True, but the potential is there for greatness. Know you why I am here?"

I ran through a few more chords, giving her a smile. "I'm guessing it isn't because you wanted to hear me tickling the ivories?"

She smiled, this time showing teeth. "Nay. The weft and woof of this dream is all of thine own composition, borne from anxiety for missing previous sessions of practice. No, it is because I wished to speak with thee, Finn Kelly. Though, I will admit that music has been most beguiling." She shook her head, ebony tresses shimmering in the light around her. "Nay, I wanted to see how thou were getting on with thine companion."

"Trixie?" I shook my head. "She's been..." I started playing again, just to keep my mind clear while I thought. "I mean...she's been pushy and unhelpful. But...it's been...well, I wouldn't say it's been fun trying to help her out, but it's certainly been...well, It's been something. I'm damned if I know what, though." A stray thought occurred to me, and I glanced up at the woman. "This isn't one of my normal dreams, is it?"

She arched a dark brow, a smile playing over her lips. "Isn't it?"

"Well, there's a distinct lack of My Teeth Falling Out, for one. Or the old favorite, Being Suddenly Naked in Public."

Her smile became absolutely vulpine. "That last one could be arranged, if thou wish."

"No no. That's quite alright." I stopped playing simple songs and just worked on my scales. "I mean, you've shown up in my dreams two nights running now. And you seem to have a pretty good idea of what's going on. Granted" I nodded, graciously, "this could just be my subconscious' desire to play havoc with me, but I'm fairly certain that isn't the case." I arched an eyebrow at her. "What should I call you, anyway?"

The woman's smile shifted from something predatory and vulpine to something genuinely happy. "It is nice to see thou art not just a pretty face, but that there is a mind between your ears." She picked up a champagne flute from the top of my piano and brought it to her lips, studying me over the rim of her glass. "Thou may call me Luna, for the time being. And thou art correct. This is no ordinary dream of thine." She straightened up, bent forward, and gave me a kiss on the forehead. My vision swam before me, and the dream faded to nothingness, but I heard the echoes of Luna's voice as I drifted into unconsciousness. "Sleep well, Finn Kelly. In the morning, all will be made clear to thee."

~~~~~🌙~~~~~
~~~~~🌙~~~~~

I awoke on the couch under a duvet. Judging by the pale light edging past the curtains, sunrise was not far off. I yawned and stretched.

Or, at least, I started to.

As I started to move, I became gradually more aware that the duvet seemed unusually heavy. Furthermore, my left arm and leg seemed restricted. And someone right by my left ear was emitting a sound that someone uncharitable would refer to as "Snoring." With an increasing sense of trepidation, I turned my head, already knowing what I was going to see, but knowing I would have to assess damage all the same.

Trixie lay on the couch next to me, gently snoring, a small trickle of drool wending its way down the corner of her mouth. She was quite firmly wrapped around my left arm and leg and seemed at best disinclined to let me go. I surreptitiously checked under the covers to make sure we were both clothed. We were, so I was reasonably sure we didn't do anything stupid last night. I couldn't be entirely certain until I spoke to Trixie, but even then, I wasn't that great of a moron to try and disturb her.

I thought back to the previous evening. Neither of us had been terribly hungry due to the buffet the day before, so we'd settled in with a light dinner of chips and salsa. After some point, we'd changed over from marathoning Friends to...That's right. I thought. Trixie was curious about the space program stuff, so we switched over to Apollo 13. And like an idiot, I'd fallen asleep because I'd seen it so damn many times. Another thought occurred to me then, and I started bludgeoning my thoughts into some semblance of order. So...that meant Trixie must have gotten under the covers with me. I mulled over that thought, holding it up to the light.

I mean, I'm not complaining here. Far from it. But by the same token, I thought to myself, I'm not exactly a paragon of masculine appeal. At least, as far as I could judge, anyway. I shook that thought loose and decided not to think about it. There's a beautiful woman who snuggled up next to you. Granted, she might not be the most sane beautiful woman you've ever met, but still, nobody's perfect. You might as well shut up and enjoy it while it lasts.

I was prepared to do just exactly that when a soft alto voice spoke from just behind and above my head. "Well well well. This is an interesting sight to see."

I very suavely vocalized my surprise by saying "Wagh!" and leaping to my feet, turning. At my side, Trixie bolted awake and tried to stand. She got caught in the duvet, overbalanced, and fell sideways onto the couch with a yelp of surprise.

Behind the sofa stood the three women I had helped the day before, though they wore different outfits than when I'd met them first. The redhead- Sunset, I recalled, had augmented her outfit an Aces ballcap, while her bookish companion had let her hair down from its tight bun and wore a fluffy UNR Wolfpack sweater over her otherwise sensible outfit. The third woman had gone full native. In addition to the Aces ballcap over her hair, she wore a pair of jeans so tight I'd have sworn they were painted on, and a T-shirt I'd seen before at the air races: a sky blue t-shirt with a high-winged plane flying over the words "Bush Pilots do it Low & Slow". She gave me a wink and a grin so naughty it should have been forcibly sent to military school. "Gotcha."

I managed to recover my wits first. "What are you doing here?! How did you get in?! How long have you been standing there?! Can I get you ladies something to eat?!"

Sunset leaned against the wall to my kitchen, her expression smug. "I'll answer your second question first." She started ticking her fingers off as she answered. "Your door was unlocked, we came to find Trixie there, about twenty minutes ago, and we already picked up some doughnuts for you."

Trixie had managed to extricate herself from the blanket and rose to her feet, though she was staring at the third woman with a mixture of awe, fear, and respect. "How...how did you find me, your high-" I had glanced over at Trixie, but I could have sworn I saw the tall woman and Sunset shake their heads slightly. Trixie recovered and continued. "I mean, how did you know I was here?"

The tall woman smiled and said "I asked nicely." She turned and handed me a filled doughnut dusted with powdered sugar. "Come now, Finn, you should know a lady never reveals all her secrets."

Sunset rolled her eyes. "Luna told us, Finn. She thought we might want to have a word with you before we picked up our compatriot."

The bookish looking woman stepped forward, dabbing something that looked suspiciously like custard from the corner of her mouth with a napkin. "That and we suspect you have questions." She gave Trixie a hard look, which the platinum blonde woman returned with equal intensity, and then sighed. "As troubling as Trixie might have been, you did help her out, and..." She took a deep breath, like she'd been preparing to jump into a frozen pool of water. "And the three of us decided that merited a certain amount of honesty on our part."

"Within reason, Twilight." Sunset shook her head. "He wouldn't believe everything if you told him all of it."

She sighed. "I suppose that's true."

I bit into the doughnut and chewed contemplatively. Lemon curd. My favorite. The delicious doughy treat gave me a minute to think. Clearly, my suspicions had been correct. I had stumbled into something strange and bizarre. But just how odd was it going to be? Was exactly was I dealing with here? I swallowed and said "Alright, I'll bite. Why don't you ladies have a seat and start from the beginning."

Sunset dragged a chair in from my kitchen while the bookish one- Sunset had called her "Twilight- took the armchair Trixie had taken the night before, but the third woman chose instead to stand over by one of my bookshelves filled and started perusing the titles. Sunset cleared her throat and spoke.

"When we met you two days ago, you asked us what brought us to your city."

I nodded. "I seem to recall you said you were headhunting. I figured you were recruiting."

Sunset nodded. "That was, and is, more or less true. But we're looking for specific individuals. Individuals with particular talents that don't normally show up in your average job interview."

Twilight nodded. "We were actually fortunate to find a few such individuals during our time here, as well, but our selection process isn't exactly easy to come by. I mean, we had to select a fairly isolated metropolitan area above a particular population threshold with a wide variety of professions and talented people, but even then we were limited by various factors, like sample size, the veracity of subjects responses-"

"What my friend is trying to say," Sunset said, with an exasperated glance at Twilight, "is that...well..."

From over at the bookshelf, the third woman spoke. "How do you feel about travel abroad, Mister Kelly?"

"I mean, I studied abroad in college, but we broke up my senior year."

That got a reaction, but not quite the one I hoped. Trixie glared at me and muttered something under her breath, Sunset rolled her eyes, Twilight blushed and said nothing. The fourth woman, though...she chuckled and turned from regarding the books to look at me, arching an eyebrow. I coughed and said "Sorry. Sometimes my mouth gets ahead of my brain. What I meant to say is that I've always wanted to travel, but...well, I've never found the time or money to do so."

She nodded, as if expecting that answer. "You once wanted to travel quite a bit when you were younger, didn't you?"

I gave her a close look. How did she know? "Yeaaah...I did. I tried to make it as a busker through and after college, but...well, you know how it is. Even if you make good money, it's not enough to really survive on. Not long term, anyway."

She nodded and then gestured to the bookshelf. "Tell me, are these books entirely for show?"

It should be said that I have a fairly large collection of science fiction and fantasy novels I'd collected through the years. Most of them are the classics: Tolkien, Foster, Heinlein, Pratchett...Most I'd inherited from my Grandfather, the rest I'd acquired gradually over the years. I shook my head at that. "No, I usually read most those at least once a year. Helps me relax when there's nothing else going on."

She nodded and quoted "All that is gold does not glitter..."

I smiled. "Not all who wander are Lost. Fellowship of the Ring. But what does this have to do with why you're here in Reno?"

Her smile became equal parts satisfied and enigmatic. "A great deal." She glanced at the other two women. "I am sorry I trod on your explanation, girls, but in my experience, cutting right to the chase tends to yield the best results."

Twilight nodded. "Of course...you're right." She looked back at me. "What I was getting to, Finn, is that despite the interference of some overly pushy, interfering busybodies..." She shot Trixie a dirty look. Trixie stuck her tongue out in return as Twilight continued. "It seems that you would be an ideal candidate for what we're looking for."

"Well that's just ducky...what is it you're looking for then?"

Sunset leaned forward, her expression intent. "How familiar are you with theories on The Multiverse?"

I felt my eyebrows climb up my forehead and try to vanish into my hairline. "What, you mean, like...Alternate Realities? The Butterfly Effect?"

Sunset nodded. "Yes, exactly. What do you know?"

I snorted. "Well, nobody knows for certain, but the theory is that for every action someone does, a parallel universe or separate timeline thingy spins off where that action doesn't happen. For instance, let's say I take a bite of my doughnut here, " I said, holding mine up and taking a bite out of it by way of illustration. I choked it down before continuing, thus proving I wasn't entirely absent the qualities of a gentleman. "Theoretically, I've just created a couple of different timelines. There's the one we're in now, where I just took the bite out of my doughnut. There's another one where I didn't take a bite out of it, one where I did but choked on it, another where I took a bite out of it and then burst into flames...you get the idea. And the further back you go, it can create more significant differences. You could have a universe where, say, Pants hadn't been invented, or where the Roman Empire never fell. In those cases, the timeline would appear to be vastly different."

This time it was Twilight's turn to speak. "Reasonably accurate. But there's more." She gestured to the bookshelf. "All those books over by there are fiction, yes?"

I nodded. "Pretty much, Unless there was an undead outbreak in Chicago a few years ago nobody told me about."

"The thing is..." Twilight said warily, watching me closely, "Is that everything in those books, somewhere, somehow, DID actually happen. There's a universe somewhere where the, ah, Fellowship of the Ring is historical fact."

I frowned at that. "But...how would that even work? I mean, let's use that as an example, say. Assuming it's true...and I'm not copping to it, mind you...Does that mean that Tolkien received direct inspiration about all those events and then published them, or that somehow, through his act of creating them, it caused this whole universe to just...I dunno, Poof into existence?" I suppressed a shudder as another thought occurred to me, equally terrifying. Assuming all that, who's to say that this universe wasn't dreamt up by some loon writing bad fan fiction?

Sunset nodded, as if she'd guessed the direction of my thoughts. "Exactly. That's what we're trying to study, actually. And," she said, with a glance over at the third woman and Twilight, who both nodded, "And we'd like to offer you a position with our organization."

I felt like my eyebrows were going to keep trying to climb over the top of my head and not stop until they'd reached the back of my neck. "I-wait...What?"

Sunset smiled at that. "I understand you might have some reservations, but I'm reasonably certain that we can offer you a position commensurate with your current abilities and salary. If not more so."

I frowned at that. "What would it entail?"

Twilight stood up. "Well, the position would require a decent amount of travel, with your expenses paid for, of course. Not to mention a good bit of research, excellent communication skills, attention to detail..."She coughed and added "And discretion." She shook her head. "I'm getting ahead of things though. There would be a rather lengthy orientation process, for which you would be compensated as well."

"I...uh...I mean, that's very generous...could you please give me a couple of minutes to think it over?"

Twilight nodded. "Absolutely! We'll just wait in the kitchen." She rose from her chair, grabbing Trixie by her upper arm and marching the blonde into the kitchen, followed by the other two women. They began a whispered conversation, that, while I couldn't make it out, sounded like a combined chewing out and interrogation of Trixie. I simply sat, ate my doughnut and contemplated.

I contemplated for a full five minutes. I mean, let's be honest here; It sounded too good to be true. Not that I felt any loyalty to the Payne Corporation. Lord knows I'd thought plenty of unkind things about the jerks from corporate every time they'd changed the bonus structure to something more convoluted and labrynthine, or when i'd pull a back to back double shift during the holidays. And it wasn't like I had any upward mobility left to me. At least, not unless someone died or was fired. Sure, I had some friends at the job, but most of the good ones had seemed to either move on to bigger and better things, or eventually get burnt out. I thought of some of the veteran employees, and most of them were in their late fifties and had been with the company for thirty years. Which was great for them, but when I thought about spending another three years at that job, never mind a decade...

I shook my head. Ok...so your current job sucks. It sucks hard. So why haven't you prostrated yourself before these ladies and accepted their offer?
Well, the cynical voice in my head I liked to think of as my Common Sense piped up that job does sound too good to be true. What if it's a scam? You've been down that road before. Or do I have to remind you about that Amway experience?
I snorted at that. This wasn't some multi-level-marketing scheme. At least, it didn't have the usual trappings of one. But what if I wanted to back out? What if they stranded me in some god-forsaken third world country? Or worse, what if this is some sort of human trafficking scam? I could accept their offer, then wake up the net day naked in a bathtub full of ice and missing my kidneys.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

The third woman was sitting on the back of my sofa, gazing down at me. I arched an eyebrow at her. "You'd be overcharging."

She laughed, and, I swear, somehow, the whole room seemed brighter when she did. "I'm guessing you're trying to figure out if we're on the level, or if you'll wind up waking up unconscious somewhere, naked and missing vital organs."

I nodded. "You can see why I'd be cautious. In my experience, things that are too good to be true usually are."

Her smile became wistful as she cocked her head to one side. "I suppose that is true, isn't it? You have more questions, I take it?"

I grimaced. "It's not that I'm happy with my current job. But, well...I'd have to make arrangements. I don't have a passport, for one. For another, I'd be concerned on your account. This hasn't been...well, let's be honest, a very in depth job interview."

"Hasn't it?" She arched an eyebrow, her expression enigmatic.

I shrugged. "I calls 'em like I sees 'em."

Her smile became more amused. "And you would undermine your own chances of...employment?"

"Well, ordinarily, I wouldn't, no. But then, this isn't your garden variety job interview, is it?"

"Well, you're right about that, I suppose. But you have more questions."

"Well, more concerns. Suppose it isn't a good fit, employment wise?"

She made pensive sound. "I don't think it will be a bad fit, but I could see why you would think so." She held a placating hand up. "Rest assured, should you desire to...terminate your employment, you will be returned home. We will even make arrangements for you to resume your current employment."

I blinked at that. She laughed at the expression on my face. "You are trying to find the downside, Finn Kelly. There isn't one, frankly. Well..." She rolled a wrist, artfully. "As they say, 'The reward for work well done...'"

"Is more work." I finished for her, an shook my head. "I must be out of my gourd...Fine. Fine! I'll come and work for you."

"Excellent!" She turned to the kitchen and addressed the other three women. "He's in, girls."

The three women trooped out of my small kitchen. Sunset passed a handful of coins over to Twilight, who pocketed them with a smile as she turned to us. "Well, that's great news! We can start immediately!"

"Not quite immediately. For one thing, we'll have to return the car to the Airport. We'll also have to make some more arrangements."

"I'll have to pack, too, for starters. What's the dress code? Shirt and tie, or business casual?"

To my surprise, Twilight and Sunset giggled, while the third woman suppressed laughter. "We'll provide you with your, ah...uniform. Though, if you would like to pack some keepsakes, that would not be inappropriate." She extended her hand "Welcome aboard our enterprise, Finn Kelly."

You know, how when Wiley Coyote runs off a cliff, he has a brief moment where he feels around just before he plummets to the desert floor?

I know how that feels. Just what have I gotten myself into?

Chapter 5

"Here, you had better let Trixie help you pack." The platinum blonde shoved her way past me into my room. "Where do you keep your camping supplies, Finn?"

"Uh...outside, in the shed. We'll get them before we go." I frowned at her as I grabbed a duffel bag and started shoveling clothes in. I glanced back over at Trixie. "You don't have to help me pack." Of course, I hoped desperately that she'd pick up on the subtext: Please wait outside so I can pack my underpants in peace.

She snorted, as if she'd picked up my subtext loud and clear and didn't think it was worth paying attention to. "You most certainly DO need my help. Those aren't going to be much use to you." She crossed over to my duffel and tipped it out onto the bed. "You won't have to worry about clothes. Trust me on this one." Something in her tone, her note of unvarnished honesty, brought me up short, and I caught myself wondering-not for the first time- just what I'd gotten myself into.

"So...wait, how do you know?"

She crossed her arms over her chest, which I found fascinating for purely platonic reasons. "Vast experience, Finn." Her expression softened. "You'll want something familiar with you. Stuff from home." She snorted and picked up something from my bed. "A favorite stuffed toy, perhaps?"

"Hey!" I said in mock indignation. "You leave Mister Ed out of this!"
Trixie snorted as she stuffed it into my duffel. "Trust me, you will want as many tokens of home as you can take."

I glanced back at the door to my room, seeing if any of the other three were listening, and asked in a low voice "Why? Just what is it I'm getting into?"

"Nothing bad." Trixie said, emphatically. "Really! It's going to be a good move for you, career wise." She sighed and ran her hands through her hair. "Look, Tri...I don't like to admit it...but Purplesmart in there and her friends really are on the level. Everything they've told you is true." She gave me a stunning smile that did really funny things to my stomach. "Come on, let's get you packed up."

~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~

An hour later, I'd managed to fill up a duffel bag with what I'd considered to be The Essentials: Toothbrush, toothpaste, my Tolkien collection, the best of Discworld that I'd picked up, a cellphone charger, my phone, and Mister Ed all went into my duffel bag. Scoff if you must, but show me a red-blooded American man who says he didn't have a favorite stuffed animal, and I'll show you a liar.

Into my backpack went a few other items of more sentimental value: my harmonica, a few collections of sheet music, a few of grandad's old cookbooks, a towel- because you can't be a hoopy frood if you don't know where your towel is- and a pair of old, old photo albums. From the shed outside, I'd retrieved the small tent I used when I went camping, the dutch oven and tripod I used to cook with, a warm weather sleeping bag, fifty feet of rope, and a ten foot tarp. Because you just never know when you'll need one.

Trust me on this one. Tarps are handy.

All that managed to get wedged into the back of the rental Cadillac, which, now that I looked at it...

"Hey, Sunset."

"Yes?"

"When you picked up this car, it had a front bumper on it, didn't it?"

"I'm...not sure. You know how it was, late night, didn't bother to look at it, you know how it is."

"Uh huh..." I glanced over the car again. "And it wasn't running on a spare tire either, was it?"

"Ohhh, so THAT'S why we couldn't get it up to speed on the freeway." She shook her head. "Honestly, your company has to take better care of its cars."

"Clearly." I shook my head and glanced at the house. "Are you guys ready to go?"

~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~

We managed to limp the Cadillac back to the airport, though I had to stop after the first few blocks to re-tighten the lugnuts on the spare tire after we had a worrying amount of wobble. We left the car in the express return lane as I hustled up to the Payne Rent-A-Car office. The company might have been made of full-spectrum jerks, but at least the individuals I worked for were pretty decent, and I knew my boss would be in. I briefly felt bad that I hadn't given notice, but this wasn't the sort of opportunity I could pass up.

Sunset, oddly enough, went to accompany me, staying a discrete distance behind me. I turned and gave her a look. "Are you fascinated by the internal machinations of a more or less modern rental car company?"

She gave me a bright smile. "I just thought you might need some...moral support." She gestured for me to keep walking. "Ladies first."

I snorted and walked up the ramp to where the offices were. As I expected, I found Dennis hunched over one of the computers, going over the reservation projections for the day. He was a heavyset, balding, middle aged man, with a body that was built of too much junk food and too little exercise He didn't look up from is cluttered and disorganized desk until after I'd opened the door and knocked a couple of times. "Hey boss, you got a minute?"

"Finn!" He turned fully around to regard me with a degree of foreboding. His expression flickered, his pale, intelligent eyes going vague for a second. "You're here. What are you going to do to make my job harder, besides quitting?"

"Aw, Den, don't...How did you know I was quitting?" Don't get me wrong, Dennis was fairly sharp and had forgotten more about the business than I'd learned, but I knew the guy had limits.

"What do you mean? I've got your notice...Damn, now where did I put it." He began flipping through assorted papers, notes, correspondence, damage repair forms, and mountains of carbon copies of each. He muttered to himself as he was looking. "I know it's here because I was just looking for it..."

"Try under your keyboard." Sunset shimmer offered from the doorway. The red-headed woman was leaning casually against it, watching the menfolk work. "I usually lose so many things there."

Dennis gave her a puzzled look, but flipped the keyboard up. "Well, there she is." He pulled out an envelope and opened it, reading aloud the contents. "Dennis, I'm sorry, but I must ask that you consider this my two week's notice. Finn Kelly." He turned it around, showing it. "That's your handwriting, isn't it?"

I studied the paper. "Yeah...That's my handwriting." I glanced back at Sunset, who merely smiled and gave me an unhelpful shrug. "Yeah..." I turned back to Dennis. "I just wanted to say goodbye, Dennis. This job might have sucked sometimes, but you were a good boss."

Dennis snorted and shook his head. "Well, Can't say I blame you for wanting to find greener pastures. Good luck, kid." He held out his hand and we shook. "You too, Dennis."

He nodded and turned back to his desk. "Just leave your ID card and keys on the filing cabinet as you go."

I waited until the office door was shut behind us and we were halfway back to the others when I muttered to Sunset "What was that all about? I know damn sure that I didn't put any notice in two weeks ago."

"Not yet." She reached into one of her bags and fished around for a pen, envelope, and paper. "You remember what was on the note?"

"Yeah?"

"Here." She thrust the pen and paper at me. "Write it down." I did, with a mounting sense of confusion and bafflement. I handed it back to her, and she thrust the envelope at me. "Now write your boss's name here." I did, frowning. "Okay, but how is this going to-" She snatched the envelope from my hands, stuffed the note in, and sealed it. "What, are you planning on going back two weeks for us to deliver it?"

"Not exactly, no." She winked at me, then pulled out a lighter and flicked it on, holding a corner of the envelope over the flame. The envelope caught and in an eyeblink was engulfed in a flash of eerie green flame.

Sunset kept talking. "There isn't enough ambient Magic or Harmony in this world for us to go back in time two weeks, and the window for doing so even if we could would only be a few minutes. But, on the assumption that we would need to, Twilight and I enchanted this dragonfire parchment to go back in time two weeks. It's easier to put an enchantment on non-living objects and actually have them stay there." She glanced over at me and the expression of Near Terminal Crogglement that had blossomed over my face.

And she started Snickering, which segued into full blown Giggling, followed by a full Belly Laugh in the First Degree. It took her a full minute for her to get control of herself. "Oh! You sh-should s-see-hee-hee your fa-ha-haaaaace!" She erupted into further gales of laughter at my expression. "Oh, this is going to be fun."

I shook my head. "So, you...you were joking?" I was half expecting camera crews to jump out any minute by this point, especially the way Sunset was reacting. I was impressed by the way she hadn't missed a beat coming up with my cockamamie idea she'd go back in time.

Sunset grinned at me, and she looked like she was on the verge of breaking out laughing again. "You know what, never mind. Let's get back to the others and get going."

The others, as it turned out, were waiting in the main rental car concourse. Trixie was complaining loudly and rather vigorously adjusting her bra.

Which I took only a superficial, passing interest in. Really. She might have needed assistance.

"...cannot wait to get home. Trixie has absolutely no idea how you handled these-"
Tug
"-Elastic-"
Shimmy
"-Torture devices! The Great and Powerful Trixie would be a laughingstock if she couldn't get her tits to behave!"

Twilight rolled her eyes. "You just get used to it." She glanced over at us. "Are we ready to go?"

Sunset nodded. "Yep. We are. Right Finn? Finn?"

Sunset lightly thumped me upside the head for reasons that may or may not be connected with me being mentally preoccupied with what Trixie was doing with portions of her anatomy.

"Ow! Oh, uh, right. When's our flight?"

Trixie gave me a withering look and muttered, under her breath, "Stallions." Sunset and Twilight traded a look, and the latter woman gave me a smile. "Pretty soon. Let's get going."

We walked partway down the rental terminal, before Twilight stopped and said "Here we are!"

I looked around, confused. "Um...This is a wall." I gestured to the expanse between the Men's & Women's restrooms, which stubbornly looked completely like a nondescript part of an airport terminal. I glanced back at the other four women, who were gazing at the wall intently. Twilight, for her part, had pulled out something from her backpack; an amethyst crystal as wide as my thumb and as long as my hand. She pressed it along a seam in the wall, and suddenly the wall, just...rippled in a manner very much like a pond someone had thrown a stone into and very much unlike a solid wall.

Twilight nodded. "Alright, let's get home!" And to my increasing amazement, she stepped through the wall, vanishing as if it wasn't there.

"Finally! Trixie cannot wait to get back!"

Sunset gave her a look. "Maybe you should have stayed and listened to what Twilight said in the first place."

The platinum blonde tossed her hair back in a magnificent display of indifference. "Where would the fun in that be?" and with that, she too just walked through the wall.

"Come on," Sunset said, taking one of my hands, "The portal's going to close in a minute."

"Portal?! But, wait, wha-"

I felt a pair of hands on the back of my shoulders. "Just relax, Mister Kelly. You're on your way."

And with that, she pushed me through the wall, and into what felt like a combination of a rave, kaleidoscope, and a tilt-o-hurl. I felt like every fiber of my being was being bent out of shape, and I closed my eyes as the disorienting display threatened to bring my lunch up.

I slammed to the floor, hard, and the lack of movement was disorienting enough that I couldn't do much more than try and hold onto the ground to keep from flying off the face of the earth. Somewhere, over my head, I heard Sunset say "Hello Finn, how are you doing?"

I threw up and fainted. As my consciousness faded, I heard a woman say "Ok, who had 'Vomit and Pass Out' in the betting pool?"

~~~~~~~🏥~~~~~~~

My consciousness started to swim up from the black depths of something that could only be loosely related to sleep. My eyelids felt too heavy to lift, so I started taking a list of what I was feeling.
I was in a bed, covered to the chest in a blanket. Both were Soft and Warm to the point where I had to seriously redefine my previous standards of the terms. My limbs felt...odd. Heavier than normal. There was a strange tension in my head...almost like a hangover, but without the pain or dizziness. It was almost like...potential. Like my mind spring-loaded, ready to snap into action. At the same time, though, I felt a tremendous lassitude in my limbs and body. When I was younger, almost too young to remember, I'd spent a night in the hospital getting my tonsils removed, and when I'd been coming out of the anasthesia, I'd felt a similar disconnectedness.

After that thought, I gradually became aware that I was hearing noises in the background which gradually resolved into voices.

"...ell, it looks like the patient's vitals are perking up."

"That's good. He seemed a healthy specimen when last we saw him."

"The Solicitous and Caring Trixie wishes everyone should keep quiet. He has a way to go before he is awake."

Trixie was here. Damned if I were to let that overbearing, self righteous woman lord things over me without my being conscious. I forced myself to make a supreme effort and spoke. "Quit shouting. 'M awake." My voice was cracked and dry, and my mouth felt I had fallen asleep tongue first on an antique bear pelt, but by golly I was going to talk if I was able.

This touched off a course of nattering and crosstalk I decided was too much effort to make sense of. At least, until a voice I recognized as Sunset spoke up. "Nice to see you're back with us, Finn. How are you feeling?"

"Not Terrible, but I'm starting to reconsider the terms of my employment."

She chuckled at that. "I suppose I could see why that would be the case. How do you feel about opening your eyes?"

I shook my head. "Don' wanna. Wanna sleep for another week."

More chuckling at that. "I can sympathize, I've had times like that. Still, if you wanted to keep waking up, we would appreciate it."

"Mrnnnngh...." I muttered, shaking my head. "Want you to let me sleeeeeeeeep." I tried to pull my covers over my head, roll over and bury myself into the pillows, but my hands seemed strangely uncooperative. "Long daaaaaaaay. Go 'way and let me sleep."

But no, as the Unwritten Law of Women Who Encounter a Man Asleep clearly stated, this must not endure. Sunset kept speaking. "I don't think that's possible, Finn. Could you keep waking up? There's some folks here who'd quite like a word with you."

"Fine...Fine!" I muttered. "But under protest."

Blearily, I cracked an eyeball. Then, once the blaring assault on my optic nerves abated, another.

At first blush, the room I was lying in bore superficial resemblance to a dorm. However, it had the sanitized, industrial feel of a place that was never intended to long term livability. There was plenty of light, plenty of air, the walls were painted a pleasant, inoffensive beige... Everything screamed "Hospital" to my senses.

Of more pressing concern were the room's occupants.

I'd seen horses. I'd even spent time with a few, part of a court-mandated community service with a wild horse rescue some fifteen miles north of where I'd lived. Every year, I attended the Reno Rodeo with friends of mine, mostly as an excuse to drink adult beverages and eat fried foods while watching rednecks rope horses and wrestle cattle and all sorts of civic good-mindedness.

I'd never imagined horses like these, never mind seen them.

Nearest to my bed were a pair of horses, as different as fire and ice. One had a warm yellow coat and a mane and tail of firey red, laced with gold. She tossed her head and her mane flipped aside to reveal a horn, an honest to goodness horn-a unicorn, my brain supplied to me, as I stared in uncomprehending bafflement. On the other side of my bed, another unicorn, this one with a cerulean coat, haughty expression, and a mane and tail of palest blue-white, was regarding me with an expression of mingled pity and distaste.

I took a second to study both of them. Both resembled horses in a superficial sense: they had hooves, manes, muzzles, tails, et cetera. But beyond that, their faces were capable of expression beyond the average terrestrial equine. And, for that matter, they exhibited greater flexibility; beyond the two at the edge of my bed, one, a pale purple creature with wings folded to her sides, a deep purple mane with pink highlights, and a lavender horn that did little to distract me from how sharp and pointy it was, was sitting on her haunches at the edge of my bed, nothing so much like a great lavender dog or housecat.

The firey unicorn smiled at me and said "Hi Finn. Nice to see you among the land of the living." Her voice was familiar, and it took me longer than I cared to admit to place it.
"...Sunset?"

She grinned. "Right in one, Finn."

The icy blue-white unicorn opposite her snorted and pawed at the linoleum floor with a hoof. "Trixie is satisfied that his brain has not been damaged. Let us get him out of bed and put him to work."

I closed my eyes and shook my head. "I must have gotten my bells rung something fierce. I could have sworn you two looked like unicorns just now."

I cracked an eye again. "Huh...Sunset, why do you and Trixie look like unicorns?"

The red-maned unicorn gave me a kindly smile on her oddly expressive face. "Because...we are unicorns?"

"Hoo boy...these must be some primo painkillers then."I resolved to enjoy the trip, I opened both eyes fully and relaxed into the bed. My voice sounded funny, but I figured that was just par for the course. "Well, this should be interesting. So, where are we?"

Sunset glanced aside at the winged purple unicorn at the end of my bed, who strode forward. "You are in the private infirmary at Castle Canter."

I snorted. I must be high as a kite, I thought to myself, but out loud I said. "Pull the other one."

"I assure you, Mister Kelly, that you are probably suffering from nothing worse than the aftereffects of interdimensional travel than any chemical-induced cognitive impairment." Both the unicorns in the room turned to the door and lowered their heads in obvious deference to three newcomers who entered my hospital room.

The first was considerably taller than the others, with a white coat and a mane and tail that seemed to somehow float and waver, as if stirred by a nonexistent breeze. She wore an enigmatic smile across her face, though her eyes were hooded and gave few secrets away. From the reaction of Sunset and Trixie, she was clearly an authority figure, but even had I been alone with her, she radiated a palpable sense of authority. I mean, as much my brain could comprehend a horse radiating authority. But her eyes...her eyes had a great and terrible weight to them, belied by a mischievous glint. Put all together, I filed her immediately into the "Not To Be Messed Around With" category of my brain, a space that was previously occupied by First Responders in general, Sister Temperance Jones from my Elementary School Days, and her yardstick.

She was also, somehow.... "Mister Kelly, good to see you again."

Familiar

"...Celestia?" I ventured, also becoming increasingly aware that my brain was only clouded by the lingering fog of sleep, and that if I were high, it seemed distressingly similar to being stone cold sober.

She nodded to me, her smile broadening as she turned to regard the horse to her left. "There, see? He did recognize me. Pay up."

This one, an indigo mare with a midnight blue mane and tail that shifted the same way as Celestia's rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out. A small bag lifted out of her mane in a blue aura and floated over to Celestia, who took it with one hoof -I didn't know horses could do that- before she turned to regard me. This one had the same regal bearing and timeless grace that Celestia seemed to possess, though she was slightly shorter. Glancing between the two of them, I had the sudden thought that they must have been related, and though it wasn't anything more than intuition, I was equally certain it was correct. "Laugh while you can, Sunbutt." She glanced back at me and nodded. "It is good to see you in the flesh, Mister Kelly." A smile blossomed across her face. "Though it seems that it would be a while before you're able to play the piano again."

"I could never play it as well to begin wi-um...wait...how did you...what...?"

She glanced back at Celestia. "You were right, sister. It is more fun when you club stallions over the head with it." She glanced back at me. "I should perhaps introduce myself. I am Princess Luna, Guardian of the Night and keeper of the Moon. My sister you have obviously already...experienced." She quickly stepped to the side, dodging Celestia's sideways kick with her hindleg.

I cleared my throat. "Um, excuse me ladies, but could I ask one question?"

Celestia and Luna traded a glance before Celestia spoke. "By all means, ask away."

"Thank you." I took a deep breath and shouted at the top of my lungs "JUST WHAT THE HOWLING BLUE THUNDERCUSS IS GOING ON HERE?!"

Author's Note

Ok, been a minute since I last posted here. But since we've all got Cabin Fever (WE'VE LOST WHAT SENSE WE'VE HAD!) wanted to get this up.

You all know what's coming in the next chapter (which should be up sooner than this one was). Originally I wanted to have one really really big chapter, but I decided it'd be better to break this one in two.

Stay safe out there everyone.

Chapter 6

Both Celestia and Luna traded a look before they started chuckling. It did nothing for my mood. Luna managed to recover first. "Well, as to what is going on, that may require a lengthy explanation." She leaned forward to address the lavender horse against the wall. "Twilight, I believe this to be your area of expertise."

I was starting to catch on, and as she stepped forward and began speaking, I could match the third horse's demeanor with Twilight's. "Well, Mister Kelly, first of all, allow us to welcome you to Equestria. As an immigrant from your plane of Existence, it's my pleasure to introduce you to the concept of Harmony and how our world works." As she cleared her throat, a stack of index cards levitating next to her floated to the fore. Simultaneously, a wheeled chalkboard surrounded by the same lavender aura squeaked its way into the room behind her. At the same time, I noticed that a similar lavender aura surrounded the horn protruding from her head. Note to self: Horns equal telekinesis. Meanwhile, Celestia and Luna retreated to the background, watching me with a disturbing amount of interest.

"As you may or may not be aware, there exists a force that permeates our universe and yours. It's created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us; it-"

"Binds the universe together?" I interrupted, then tried to clear my throat. My voice still sounded weird to me.

Twilight looked up at her notes at me. "Oh, so you do know about Harmony."

"Um..." I briefly weighed the merits of seeing if I could derail the Lecture barreling down at me with my knowledge of Star Wars lore, and decided it was a waste of everyone's time. "Well, I'd read about something similar once. It was called something different, though."

Twilight's eyes narrowed at that, before she shrugged and flipped over the index card she had been reading. "Interesting. I'll have to ask you later about that." She cleared her throat and began speaking again, this time levitating a few pieces of chalk behind her that began to draw diagrams on the chalkboard behind her. "This force, or Harmony, as we call it here, manifests in different ways. In some realities that we've explored, there's little ambient Harmony to tap into or manipulate, and some realities, like yours, are only able to sense it as something intangible. In this reality, it is a powerful enough force to manifest and in some ways manipulate." Behind her, the chalk finished part of its drawing. On the left side of the chalk board stood a human stick figure with an obviously puzzled expression and a question mark over his head. On the right stood a mirrored stick figure horse with a broad smiley face, rainbows, stars, a sun, and moon (also all with smiley faces) overhead. "One thing remains constant between all different realities, however. And that is that Harmony appears to have a sense of Continuity to it. Meaning, that if somepony were able to travel from one reality to another-" At this point, she drew an arrow from the figure on the right to the figure on the left, "That Harmony finds a way to put that individual into the equivalent morphological state." This time, she drew another arrow from left to right. "In this way, Harmony manages to erase aberrations to the natural order in each individual reality." She paused in her drawing and looked up significantly from her notes at me, her manner expectant.

I frowned, parsing her words for a few seconds, and tried to ignore the bottom dropping out of my stomach. "So...so...you're saying that I'm..."

She nodded, beaming. "A pony, yes. Glad to see you keeping up!"

"But that's not..." I pointed at the chalkboard, and then froze, gazing at my limb. I had always liked my right hand.1 In its place was...A hoof, covered in silvery gray fur and, suddenly, shaking quite badly.

1:You could say he was attached to it.

A quick examination of my left hand showed it to be similarly affected and I used both to feel my face. After nearly concussing myself, I used my front hooves to continue the examination much more cautiously.

It was, arguably, the weirdest sensation I had ever experienced. My hooves- Which, for the record, was a damned odd thing to think- felt like my hands had been encased in hard but flexible oven mitts. I didn't have fingers anymore, naturally, but I did have a certain degree of sensation through them. My face extended out into a semi-equine muzzle, and I certainly had more and longer hair than I'd had before I was shoved through the portal.

I was also, I became aware, quite intensely naked, and was suddenly thankful for the blankets that covered me.

"Finn? Finn, are you alright?" Twilight was looking at me solicitously, and her tone suggested she was on the third or fourth repetition of her question. I also became aware that I was breathing rather quickly. I closed my eyes and forced myself to take deep, slow breaths before nodding once.
"Y-yes? I mean..." I cracked an eye to check and see if my hands were still hooves. They were. "I'm probably going to have a pretty solid freakout over this eventually. Right now I'm just trying to process everything. And you should really wait for a guy to sit down before springing something like that on him."

"You're lying in bed."

"...Touché."

From her spot on the wall, Luna cleared her throat. "There's more, you see, Finn." She strode forward. "You see, while in your reality, there is roughly an even split between males and females, here the divide is roughly one stallion for every four mares. And since Harmony has to keep things consistent-"

"What!?" I ducked my head under the sheets and started feeling around. Everything seemed to be more or less where I'd left it, thank goodness. Before I'd finished my examination, however, Luna's composure broke and she started laughing. "Oh...oh you should have...your face!" Over against the wall, Trixie had collapsed to the floor in a laughing heap, while Sunset was chuckling into a hoof. It was nice to know that, between both realities, I was able to provide amusement for a group of women, even inadvertently. And if they were technically horses.

Luna took a deep breath, and glanced back at Celestia. "I told you he'd do that. Pay up." Celestia rolled her eyes and floated the small bag she had taken from Luna back over to her sister. Luna took the bag in her magic and floated it back into her mane, giving me a smile. "I beg your pardon for my jest, Mister Kelly. As my sister will attest, I have a depressingly low sense of humor."

I took a deep breath through my nose, and let it out in a long sigh. "Trust me, compared to everything else, that would have been the second oddest change to have to contend with." It was nice to know that I was still...well, me, even though I had a new body to contend with and my voice was different.2
2: It stands to reason. He is a little horse.

Twilight glared over at Luna and spoke up. "If I could continue, Princess?"

Luna's eyes danced and when she spoke, it was with barely contained laughter. "Certainly, Twilight Sparkle. Please do continue your elucidation for Mister Kelly."

"Thank you." Twilight examined her notes again, searching for her spot before continuing. "Right. In this reality, there are three main races of ponies." The blackboard flipped over, revealing a triangle of stick figure horses. One, at the top, had wings- a pegasus. The bottom left one had no wings, but a horn- a unicorn. And on the right was a simple horse, with neither wings nor horn. "Pegasi, Unicorns, and Earth Ponies. And a fourth type." As she spoke, she levitated the chalk and sketched another stick figure horse in the center of the triangle, one with both wings and a horn. "Alicorns, which are immortal and embody traits of all three races. Yes?" Twilight glanced over at me as I opened my mouth to speak.

"So, I'm a..." Another cursory examination of my new anatomy revealed neither wings nor horn. "An earth pony." 3

3: Because we don't take kindly to alicorn OC's in these parts.

"Correct. The most numerous of the pony races."

In the corner, Trixie snorted. "Common Stock. But you'll do for what we need."

Sunset and Celestia gave Trixie a glare, which she ignored with magnificent indifference as she inspected one of her hooves. I used this opening to ask a question. "So...I'm getting a lot of background here, which, sure, that's going to come in handy. But, well...just what the cuss have you hired me for?"

Sunset stepped away from the wall to stand next to Twilight. "Well, as we've demonstrated, it is possible for beings to travel between different realities. What we discovered some time ago, however, is that ideas have managed to bridge the gap as well. For instance, when we happened upon your reality, you can imagine our surprise to discover that there was a children's show that, while it got many things wrong, had too many things right to be pure coincidence."

Luna spoke up from her spot by the wall, a smile playing around her lips. "We at first thought that your world's chestnut about an infinite number of monkeys and an infinite number of typewriters was ironically apt."

Sunset nodded. "But, as we explored, we began to notice a disturbing coincidence. We began to discover that while your world had managed to somehow get a glimpse of ours and used it to sell toys, our world had managed to get smatterings of yours. Ponies were discovered to have traits and mannerisms that, while previously thought to be unique, had often paralleled events and tropes from your popular culture that chronologically predated them."

"Right!" Twilight, meanwhile, was shuffling cards, discarding about twenty of them as Sunset glossed over what I suddenly realized would have been hours and hours of exposition. "So, we needed to hire several someponies who could slip into our society, recognize cases from their own world, document them, and see how hostile they could be."

I nodded at that, trying to follow along. "So...So you needed a geek from my world to recognize stuff that might not have originated from yours."

Twilight glanced over her notes, discarded another couple of cards, and nodded. "Yes, at it's core." 4
4: What, you expected a better plot hook in a fourth rate fic like this?

Luna spoke up. "That's not quite all, however." She stepped forward, her expression solemn. "While we have managed to slip into your reality and back, it's also possible that individuals from your reality have managed to infiltrate ours. Should that be the case, you and your partner will need to investigate how they came here and whether they represent a threat to Equestrian society. While your societies might be Mostly Harmless, we cannot count on those from other realities to exploit the same potential weaknesses to wreak havoc upon our reality."

I pondered that for a second, then frowned. "Wait...partner?"

There was a ladylike snort from the wall. "The Great and Powerful Trixie wasn't too fond of the idea, either."

Celestia flared a wing out and rapped Trixie upside the head with one wing. "Perhaps you should have considered that before you decided to tag along on our hiring expedition. Considering you seemed to have no objection to sheltering at his home, my sister and I thought it would be fitting for you two to work together."

As Trixie rolled her eyes, Celestia turned her attention to me as she continued. "Trixie, in addition to being an Agent of the Throne, is also a traveling performer. As such, Sunset and Luna agreed that she would be an ideal partner for you, Finn, as well as providing an appropriate cover for why you would be traveling across Equestria. But that will come later."

Luna nodded. "For now, your first task this week will be to get accustomed to your new body and immerse yourself in Equestrian culture. You have this wing of Castle Canter to your disposal, as well as Trixie, Twilight and Sunset." She paused, as if remembering something. "Oh, and one other." She turned and pressed the door to the hall outside open and called out "If you could come in, please, Miss Wall."5
5: Finally! I thought she'd never get around to it.

Another mare stepped inside. She was roughly the same size as Sunset, with piercing blue eyes, a black mane and tail which were both done up in a thick braid, and a forest green coat. Her features, as I was starting to understand pony features, were pleasant, and her face was smattered with pale freckles. As she turned, I could see a mark on her hindquarters: an ivy colored stone wall, with a hole in the middle, suggesting a window or an arrow loop. The new mare bowed to the princesses, then turned to address me. "Good afternoon, Mister Kelly. I'm Ivy Wall, and I will be the one organizing the reports that you and Trixie will be sending in regularly."6 She glared over at Trixie and gave a prim sniff. "At least once a week, please. They'll also be read by the Princesses, so I expect them to be at least more detailed than your expedition to Saddle Arabia.
6: And adding my own notations here and there. Hello, you strange shaved apes!

"Oh, give me a break, Wall. Mares were forbidden from being literate at the time. It would have blown my cover to be seen writing."

"Well, at least we know just the limits of your Power and Greatness." Ivy said tartly, turning her attention to me and giving me an appraising look. "A pleasure to make your acquaintance, sir. Hopefully you can mitigate your partner's shortcomings."

"SHORTCO-" Trixie's outburst was silenced as Celestia planted a golden-shod hoof over her mouth, giving Ivy Wall a long suffering look. "Miss Wall, is this really necessary?"7

7: Yes. Yes it is. 8
8:Behave, Miss Wall 9
9:Or What? 10
10: Or I'll have a word with the author. Your special somepony doesn't have to be Lord Flashheart Tastyflank, Stallion Supreme, He of The Dark And Magnificent Smoulder. 11
11: Point taken! Shutting Up!12
12: Splendid!

To my surprise, Ivy colored nicely as she said in a rush "Sorry, Your Highness, it won't happen again." She bowed low, then straightened. "If I've your permission to leave, I've duties to attend to."

Both Celestia and Luna nodded, and the strange earth pony mare left, giving me a lingering look and a smile so wicked that it should have been sent to reform school as she passed out the door.

Sunset shook her head once Ivy Wall had left. "What's her deal, anyway?"

Luna frowned after the departing mare, then glanced back at the red-maned unicorn. "Ivy Wall comes from a long line of Guardsponies. Indeed, her three older brothers serve in one capacity or another in the Palace Guard." Luna glanced over at me. "This may be pertinent to you, Mister Kelly. You see, while Earth Ponies are the most common of the Equestrian Races, and though their abilities tend more towards strength, stamina, plant husbandry, and physical musculature, Earth Pony use of Harmony can also manifest in mysterious ways." She glanced aside at Twilight and said "Witness your friend Pinkie, for instance."

It may have been my imagination, but Twilight, Sunset, and Trixie all looked like they were suppressing shudders simultaneously. 13
13: It wasn't. 14
14: I just don't know what got into them, either. It's not like the We Discovered a New Dimension And It's Not Horrible Party was bad. At least, not like the last three I threw15
15: I thought I told you to NEVER mention those other times again?16
16: Celestia take it, I promised I would behave in these hoofnotes, now I expect the rest of you all to butt out! For Heaven's sake, think of the poor author! He's going completely spare trying to track the color hex codes!17
17: Right, sorry author person! Keep up the good work! 18
18: I...what...Sure. I'm just not going to think too hard about this and take a long, warm bath afterward. Carry on, Ivy.

Luna shuddered herself and shook her head, returning her gaze to me. "In Ivy Wall's case, she has a particular knack for seeing through the things everypony says or does. It makes her a particularly handy archivist and secretary. She is ideally suited for this particular assignment."

I nodded, not quite sure I was following along, but certain that it was better to appear like I was. "Gotcha. So...what's next on the agenda?"

Luna smiled at that. "First, you're going to receive a crash course in dealing with your new pony body as well as not standing out in Equestrian society. After that week passes, and assuming you can stand on your own four hooves, you and Trixie begin your work."

I frowned, skeptical. "What, just like that."

Celestia nodded. "Just like that. I will be, hopefully, retiring from public life soon, and while I have every confidence of leaving Equestria in the hooves of my sister and former student...Let's just say I'd like to tie up some loose ends."

I nodded, frowning, and sure that Celestia wasn't telling the whole story. Twilight, meanwhile, had been flipping through index cards, and I was suddenly thankful that the other mares had managed to bypass more exposition. "Aha!" With an air of triumph, she held the final card up before her. "One last thing. You've got to come up with your own Pony Name."

I felt my brows knit. "How do you mean?"

"Well," Twilight said, half reading off her card, half addressing me, "Your name, while it is a good name, I'm sure, would also arouse suspicions, so we'll want you to keep a low profile. An assumed name would tie in well with the profile we're assembling. If you could come up with one over the next few days or so, that would be ideal."

Despite the strange circumstances I had managed to bumble aimlessly into and the scope of my uncertain future unfolded before me, I felt a smile spread across my face. The older I'd gotten, the less and less I tended to believe in coincidences. 19 "Nah, I think I've got it." I gave Trixie a level look, feeling my smile grow fractionally more satisfied. "See, near where I grew up was one of the largest silver strikes our world has ever seen. And the fella they named the strike after, well, he cashed out early. Never saw a cent of it. I think I'm going to let this strike play out. 'Common Stock', you said? Well, I can make that work."

I looked over at Twilight. "Put me down in your recordbooks as 'Comstock'. And I'll be at your service once I get on my hooves."

19: And more and more in lazy writing.

Author's Note

You all knew it was coming, I just had to have some fun with it.

Apologies for the excessive footnotes, but the idea of having a character who was adding their own and who was also self aware was too much to resist. She won't be As much of a nuisance in later chapters 1
2: Unless you guys really like having me around :D

Also, since folks asked, played around with images of Comstock and Ivy Wall, so here we go!

Funds are tight at the moment, and as much as I'd like to pay an artist with money, it's not in the cards right now. Unless anyone knows an artist who accepts pocket change and sarcastic comments.

Good luck everyone and stay safe out there!

Chapter 7

The day after I woke up in a pony hospital, I struggled in vain against the bonds that lashed me to an infernal torture device. My muscles ached, my limbs, still new to me, quivered with the strain. My breath came in ragged gasps, my throat raw with the strain, and I ached for a moment's respite.

My tormentors, however, had other ideas.

"Oh, for Celestia's sake! I've been pulling that wagon since I was in Filly Scouts! He's not going to be very useful to me on the road if he can barely carry his own weight." Trixie's voice was laced through with derision, doing little to assuage my own discomfort. Or pride, for that matter.

Sunset trotted around the front of the wagon, her tone clinical. "Let's get him out of the harness and traces. He could probably use a break." She leaned in front of me. "Hey! Can I get you some water? Blink once for yes, twice for no."

I nodded, panting and drooping in the traces as Sunset glanced off to one side. "Hey, Trixie, could you get Comstock a bucket?"

"Oh, of course, Sunset." I waited a bare few seconds, and then a bucket of nearly ice cold Canterlot water clattered over my shoulders and spilled over my hide. I was delighted to discover that yes, indeed, ponies do get goosebumps, all of my breath fled my body for warmer climes, and I began shivering despite the rather warm ambient temperature.

"Darn it, Trixie! Why'd you do that?" Sunset was doing her level best to hold in laughter as her aura flared and surrounded my harness. "That water's going to make these knots harder to undo." That said, a few minutes later, she had me out of the wagon traces and I was resting by the side of the road. Trixie, to her credit, had produced an extra bucket of water that I drank greedily from.

"So...how are you adjusting to life on four hooves?" Sunset glanced at me after I came up for air, her tone solicitous. I snorted water out of my nostrils. "Not bad, really. I mean, it's weird going along on all fours." I sat back on my hindquarters and held up my forehooves for examination. "It's...weird. I keep trying to reach over and pick things up, or twiddle my thumbs when I'm bored, except I don't have thumbs." I shook my head and glanced over at Sunset.

"Mind if I ask you a question?"

Trixie leaned in between the two of us. "You just did ask her a question."

I gave her a flat look. "Trixie, nobody likes someone who makes puns. And besides, that's my schtick."

Sunset was concealing a broad grin behind a hoof. "Certainly. Ask away."

I nodded, waving a hoof at her and Trixie. "Well, there's you Unicorns. I've seen you guys use levitation and, according to the Informational Pamphlet I've been reading since last night, you pointy heads can much around with...what was the phrase? 'Arcane Forces Beyond Mortal Ken', I think." I gestured overhead to a trio of pegasi, who were pushing a cloud overhead and providing for some much needed shade. "Those guys up there can fly, which would be pretty dang cool on its own, but can also manipulate the weather to boot."

Trixie rolled her eyes. "Those aren't questions."

I gave her my best glare, which she blithely ignored and stuck her tongue out at me.

Sunset, meanwhile, nodded. "I think I know where you're going with this. You're wondering what Earth Ponies can do."

I glanced back at her. "I mean, in a nutshell, yeah."

Sunset looked down at the ground, her eyes flicking back and forth for a minute while she marshaled her thoughts. It took her a minute before she spoke, her voice thoughtful and her words deliberate, as if she was reciting from memory something told to her years ago. "In many ways, Earth Ponies are the most versatile of the three main Equestrian races. Certainly, Unicorns can discover heretofore unknown Arcane Knowledge, and Pegasi can soar high in the sky, but none of them would be able to do what they do best without Earth Ponies. And woe betide the unicorn or pegasus that forgets it." She added at the end with a glance at Trixie, who ignored her with a magnificent display of indifference.

"The vast majority of Earth Ponies," Sunset continued, "Have talents that tend to run towards farming, animal or plant husbandry, or processing the fruits of the former." With that, she levitated a familiar looking bottle in front of me, pried the cap off, and let me take the bottle in my fumbling hooves. "In rare cases," she continued, prying the top off a bottle of her own, "they have abilities that seem to defy the laws of reality. You might get to meet one of them in the next week or so."1

1: In fact, she'll probably throw a party for him.2
2: Count on it! I've already got the streamers and soda and sasparilla and sunblock and...3
3: Dangit, Pinkie! Get out of my hoofnotes!

I nodded at that, mulling her words over while she took a pull from her bottle. She let out a satisfied sigh and continued. "Now, as for what your talents are, that's something you'll have to find out for yourself. Everypony's good at something."

Trixie nodded down towards my hindquarters. "You can always start with that."

I frowned at her. "My ass? I had no idea you appreciated it so much."

Trixie tossed her mane dismissively, though she was blushing. "Trixie has no designs on your flank. But you might consider the design that is on yours." She stuck her tongue out at me again. "Jerk."

Curious, I...look, I'm not the sort to stare at my own body. Especially my rear. As far as I've always been concerned, its chief benefit is that it's something soft upon which to sit. The fact that it might have destiny altering characteristics had never once entered into my mind, other than that one time I'd had the misfortune to eat a massive burrito before an important meeting.

Peering at my left...cheek...was a mark I'd not noticed before. It reminded me almost of a brand, save that it was in color. A trio of cards superimposed over a merged bass and treble clef. Two of them, the Ace of Hearts and the Ten of Diamonds, flanked a center card that I didn't quite recognize. The central card featured an intricate celtic knot circle, the whorls and twists suggesting a five pointed star. Outside, at each of the star's five points, stood minute symbols: A Staff, An Open Book, A Bag of Gold, A Pair of Linked Rings, and a Horseshoe. Huh...well that's new... Even more perplexing, a cursory examination showed that there was an exact duplicate of the mark on my other side.

"Well...I can recognize a few of those cards. It's a winning hand in blackjack...but for that other one, I don't recognize."

Sunset peered at it as well. "I can't say I recognize it either."

Trixie snorted. "It appears that your feeble minds are no match for my Great and Powerful Intellect." She poked a hoof at my flank...hard. It was only because I am supremely in control of my own faculties that I didn't flinch. Trixie continued speaking as if she hadn't noticed. "It's the Wheel of Fortune."

I gave her a look. "So...I'm going to buy a vowel?"

She poked me harder. "It's a powerful card in fortune telling. One of the Major Arcana. In a reading, it's supposed to represent that somepony's fortunes are going to change for the better. It could mean any number of things...New Travel, Increased Knowledge, Newfound Wealth, Deep and Lasting Love, and Luck in general." As she spoke, she traced her hoof over to each of the symbols in order. "Trixie doesn't know what the card means in relation to the rest of your cutie mark, but it is definitely significant." With that, she pulled her hoof off my flank and regarded me steadily.

"Every pony has a Cutie Mark. It's a symbol of their intrinsic talents and abilities." She raised the hem of her cloak and showed a very shapely flank. I nodded appreciatively before Sunset bopped me on the head with a hoof. "Quit oogling her and see what she's trying to show you, you dope."

Shaking my head, I looked again and noticed the mark on Trixie's flank, a magic wand superimposed over a wave of ether, suggesting a crescent. Trixie was blushing faintly again as she spoke. "Trixie's mark is a symbol of how good I am at stage magic and illusions." She let her cloak fall and nodded over to Sunset, who stood before me. Her symbol was more abstract: A starburst of red and yellow fire, surrounding a similarly colored yin and yang. "Sunset's mark is less specialized, but she has definite talents in magical theory, power, and all that sort of boring nonsense." Trixie waved her hoof airily.

Sunset, for her part, gave her a deadpan glare. "Why Trixie. That was almost a compliment."

"Don't mention it."

"Wait a minute." I glanced from Trixie to Sunset. "I read that 'So You're A Pony, Now What?' pamphlet about four or five times. There wasn't anything in there about...magic asses."

Sunset smiled. "Alright, first of all, the terms are 'Cutie Mark' and 'Flank'. You might as well get used to them, since you're supposed to be blending in. Second of all, there's some good reasons we didn't include a section on Cutie Marks. Mainly because when I put the pamphlet together, we had no idea if new arrivals to Equestria would even have their own cutie marks to begin with, or if they'd have to find them on their own."

Trixie snorted. "Twilight wanted us to do a run with that explanation and the one you read, but it was decided that there wasn't room in the budget."

Sunset nodded. "That too. But more importantly, it was decided that even if new arrivals had their own Cutie Marks on arrival, they would be missing out on an important aspect of them. You see, most colts and fillies earn their cutie marks just on the cusp of adolescence, and often it is a journey of self discovery, trying to find out just where everypony's talent's lie. Or, more commonly, where they don't." 4 Sunset nodded down at my flank. "The Princesses decided that in the event that a newcomer had their mark out of the gate, it would cheat them out of that selfsame journey of discovery."

4: To date, no Cutie Mark Discovery Group has ever had a member get a Cutie Mark in Property Damage, Entropy, or Arson, but it's been a very near thing.

"It also would have prevented a good deal of flailing about and whatnot." I noted, with a rueful grin.

Trixie sniffed. "It's a Mare's perogative to be mysterious. And the Princesses have to have their own fun too, I suppose."

Sunset coughed into one hoof. "Well, yes, there is that." She smiled kindly at me. "The fact of the matter is, I can't tell you where you're going to be talented. That's up for you to find out on your own."

"Lucky me." I shook my head and rose to my hooves, turning back towards the recalcitrant wagon. "Well, one thing at a time I suppose. Let's see if we can get this..." I stopped, considering the wagon for a moment, in particular what I had just noticed up against its wheels. "Hey. Trixie. After you had me hooked up in the traces, did you, perhaps, forget to remove the chocks holding it in place?"

"The Great and Powerful Trixie has no idea what you could be possibly insinuating, Comstock."

Sunset's voice had a thread of poorly concealed laughter. "Perhaps she just wanted to admire your physique as you worked."

"Why not? Isn't it a mare's perogative to enjoy a stallion's perspirations?"

"Aha! So you were admiring his physique! And you said you had no designs on his flank."

"Hardly! His flanks can keep to themselves for all Trixie cares."

While the two mares bickered, I quietly removed the wheel chocks and took my place in the wagon's traces. After all, I evidently had work to do, and plenty of time to figure out just how I was going to do it...And, for that matter, what I was going to do. As I fumbled with my hooves to get into the unfamiliar harness, I wondered, and not for the first time, just what I had managed to get myself into.

Author's Note

They're all ponies! They all have designs on their own flanks! D'oh-ho-ho...I'll see myself out.

It's been a minute, so I wanted to get the next chapter up for all ~~three~~ of you reading this. I've been fairly busy with work, but also I had been pondering for a while just what direction I wanted to take with Comstock's cutie mark.

Anyway, thanks for sticking with me thus far, and soon we'll be getting to where I really want this story to go, at least once I get to writing it.

I hope everyone's safe during this whole Lockdown, and hopefully we'll be clear of this sooner rather than later.

Chapter 8

As I plodded down the road, the wagon rattling along behind me, I glanced aside at our traveling companions, then over at Trixie. "So, let me get this straight. We're supposed to head out and see if we can investigate rumors of people infiltrating Equestria and the world at large from alternate dimensions."

Trixie nodded. "Yes, that's right."

"And we're starting our journey off at a small town two days walk from Canterlot."

Another nod. "Your grasp of the obvious is remarkable."

I let that one slide to keep pressing. "Despite the fact that the town in question is home to the-"

"Elements of Harmony." I was pleased to see a twitch had developed in Trixie's left eye. Ah Hah! Her skin could be gotten under.

"Right, them. So, my question is, why start there? It's basically Canterlot's suburbs. Surely anything unusual would show up in the local newspapers?"

Trixie gave me a level look as she spoke. "Well, in the last few years, Ponyville-"

"Wait...It's called Ponyville? That's a little on the nose, isn't it?"

"I didn't name it, shut up and let me explain." She took a deep breath through her nose before she continued. "The last few years, Ponyville" she said with a slight edge and a sideways look at me, to make sure I wasn't going to say anything sarcastic, "Has been the epicenter of the return of an elemental creature of darkness possessing one of the diarchs, ground zero for the living embodiment of Chaos...twice...local magical anomalies, the ascension of a new Alicorn princess, the battlefield for a magic-absorbing centaur escaped from Tartarus, a megalomaniacal little filly teaming up with the aforementioned centaur and a shape changing bug to overthrow the balance of Harmony, and the biggest Goof Off in the last thirty years."

"Goof Off?"

"Don't ask."

"And", added a drily amused alto voice from my other side, "Two instances of a sorceress with delusions of grandeur unleashing havoc on the town." I was starting to get a better read on pony expressions, and Princess Luna seemed to be doing her level best to hold back a smile.

"Hey!" Trixie said, bristling. "The first one wasn't my fault! If those two chowder headed foals hadn't somehow managed to bring an Ursa Minor-."

Celestia cleared her throat from her sister's left. "The point that Miss Lulamoon is trying to make is that even if there were hostile elements from outside our reality, recently it would be rather hard to tell if they were naturally occurring or simply a part of the natural weirdness of the place."

I gave the two royal sisters a look as they walked alongside us. "And that's another thing. Why are you two coming along with us?'

Princess Luna hiked her tail and gave me a sidelong glance. "'Tis our royal perogative for an evening stroll, is it not?"

In fairness, she had a point.1 it was definitely nearing high summer in Equestria, but we had passed the most oppressive heat of the day. Gentle breezes kept the worst of the heat off, along with the occasional tall trees that dappled the road beneath with shade, and the air was redolent of the smell of tree sap and the aroma of the local flora. As for the local fauna, birds wheeled and flitted from tree to tree, adding to the ambiance with their song. The sun was starting to sink towards the horizon, and it was just starting to get to the point where Princess Luna's description of time of day could be conceivably be called 'Evening'. Furthermore, my stomach reminded itself, I'd been towing a wagon since noon and that "Evening" also usually equated to "Suppertime" in my book.
1: She had wings too, but you probably knew that already.

That said, something didn't seem to add up. I couldn't be certain, but we'd probably covered something in the realm of twenty miles since we'd started our journey. Granted, the two regal sisters were certainly taller than the average pony and, given their previously hinted-at abilities, probably had the stamina to keep things up. But that was a rather long ways to go for a casual walk. And while nearly every pony we'd passed in public had bowed, curtsied, doffed their hats or otherwise abased themselves before the two, there was something...girlish in their manner that was increasingly at odds with their Royal Facade. I took further note of their appearance.

"I notice Celestia that, while you are, as you said, retired, you're still decked out in jewels and finery."

The alabaster mare arched an eyebrow at me as her golden torque glittered in the sun. "Come now, Comstock. Even back in your world, surely a lady is entitled to her accessories?"

I nodded at that. "That's a fair point. But you both also appear to be laden with fully loaded and monogrammed saddle bags."

Luna tossed her mane, which glittered like a starfield in the deepening twilight.2 "Pah! 'Tis every lady's obligation to be prepared for any hardship which might come her way." She nodded back to the wagon in Trixie's colors I was towing behind me. "Just because we don't travel with such a gaudy conveyance-" she ignored Trixie's huff with magnificent indifference "- doesn't mean that we should be ill prepared for the rigors of..." Celestia flicked a wing out and cuffed her sister's flank.
2: Not that Twilight, get your minds out of the gutter.

Trixie gave them a sideways look. "The rigors of a casual evening stroll?"

Celestia rolled her eyes as she spoke. "All will be made clear soon enough. Suffice to say, Luna and I are taking a well-deserved holiday. A very long holiday"

Trixie gave them a level look. "A holiday."

Luna nodded, recovering her composure. "Yes. I'm sure you're familiar with the concept. A pony leaves their normal routine and goes somewhere where they can sit on the beach, catch up on their reading or their sleep." She looked thoughtful for a moment. "Though I've heard rumors that one can now purchase tropical adult beverages with tiny umbrellas in them now. 'Twould be fun to sample a few."

Something didn't add up. "And...you're going to vacation in Ponyville?"

Celestia smiled, her eyes distant. I followed her gaze down into the valley below to where the road we were following wended its way between hills and gullies. A town lay spread below us, nestled up against a wild looking forest. In the distance, I could see a train gliding across the tracks as it pulled into the town station. Smoke curled from the chimneys as lamp lights started to light up. The road passed through the town, as did the railroad. Most impressive, however, was the massive crystalline structure that dominated the skyline. Standing stories above the thatched roof cottages and storefronts, it resembled nothing so much as a massive, gnarled, hoary oak tree, rendered in angular crystal. The sun glinted off of its spires and, in a flash of intuition, I realized that this must be our destination.

"No," Celestia spoke, coming out of her reverie, "Though we have been to Ponyville plenty of times and would be more than welcome, Luna and I are planning our sojurn somewhere more relaxing." She levitated a pocket watch out of her saddlebags and contemplated it. "We will take our leave of you presently, but for now we should keep going."

I nodded, another thought occurring to me. "I mean, that looks like a pretty fair distance yet. I don't think we'd make it until midnight at least."

Luna nodded. "Certainly, which is why we've made arrangements for the two of you."

Trixie and I traded a look, and spoke in unison. "Arrangements?"

Ahead, the trail curled around a small rise, and I suddenly became aware I could smell woodsmoke accompanied by the smell of roasting vegetables. My stomach howled in furious need and I found myself quickening my gait.

Around the corner awaited an unusual sight. At least, by my recent standards.

A pair of robed, bearded unicorns sat beside an uncovered, two wheeled wagon, tending a merrily burning campfire. One, gray furred, clad in a gray robe and peaked hat, was smoking a long stemmed pipe as he tended the fire and stirred the cast iron pot hanging over the fire from a tripod. His mane, tail and beard were long, flowing and white, and he wore a pointed, wide brimmed hat. I couldn't see his full expression under the brim of his hat, but as far as I could tell, he was built with plenty of apparent muscle, and only a fool would have written him off for his age. Though he was sitting down, I could tell he would have towered over me had he been standing.

The other unicorn was taller and more slender. He was clad in a midnight blue robe and hat spangled with silver stars. Both were strung with a series of small, silvery bells at the hem and rim. Though he wasn't as muscled as his gray clad compatriot, his silvery beard was thicker and better tended enough to raise his personal levels of majesty. As we rounded the corner, he noticed us and came to his hooves. "Princesses Celestia and Luna! Hail, and be welcome at our camp."

As we approached, the gray clad unicorn came to his hooves as well, snorting smoke out his nostrils. We were near enough I could hear him mutter under his breath as he tapped out the ashes from his pipe and stowed it up one of his sleeves. Celestia waved at the two of them. "Starswirl! it's been too long!" There was something...girlish in her manner, like she could barely conceal her excitement. A second glance showed me she was blushing ever so slightly. Luna hung back from her sister, giving the gray robed unicorn an appraising look, much like he was a car she was deciding to take for a test drive, or something interesting she was debating ordering on the menu at a restaurant.

The gray robed unicorn spoke as we grew nearer. "You're later than we expected you to be."

Celestia gave him a blazing, sunny grin. "Well, a Princess is never late, my friend. Nor is she early. She arrives precisely when she means to."

The unicorn with all the bells on barked a laugh that he turned into a cough. "My apologies, friend. I might have passed that particular nugget on to her when she was in her...formative years."

The gray unicorn shook his head, irritation on his face. "If nothing else, they certainly seem as beautiful as you said, Pallandro."

The blue belled unicorn kicked him in the shins with his forehoof. "I told you, it's Starswirl here. I didn't go parading around from Eriador to Harad calling you Olórin, did I?"

The gray unicorn gave him a look, and then sighed. "Hail, Princesses Celestia and Luna. Hail and be welcome at our fire." He then glanced at me and Trixie, then waved a hoof dismissively. "Oh. And your chattel."

Trixie bristled. "Chattel! I've got half a mind to-"

I clamped a hoof over her mouth, some unknown instinct warning me that these two were dangerous. "Thank you, honored elder, and we are welcome." I looked sideways at Trixie giving me a panicked, questioning look, and muttered out the corner of my mouth "Don't give these guys guff. They're more dangerous than they look." Her eyebrows quirked in a silent question, but she nodded and I removed my hoof from her mouth.

I brought the wagon around to the edge of the fire and shrugged myself out of the traces, grateful that I didn't have to go through the trouble of having to set the wagon down gently had it been mounted on a single axle.

I took a moment to...well, not admire the other wagon sitting by the fire, but appraise it. It stood over a single axle, with high sides and cargo piled high, covered with a canvas tarp. The timbers were worn, the wheels made of five separate planks banded together with steel, and the axle was un-sprung. More curious was a mark burnt into the tailgate. It resembled a tree with two upward-curving branches on the right side of the trunk, or perhaps a menorah if someone had removed all but the first two arms on the right. It seemed familiar, somehow, but I couldn't quite place it. Given that and my previous intuition, I knew it added up to something, but damned if I knew what it was.

"Something on your mind, young man?" I turned to regard the stallion slowly with a raised eyebrow, and without flinching and yelping.3

3: This hoofnote left intentionally left blank.

After getting my heart rate under control, I glanced over at the gray clad unicorn, who was giving me a shrewd look. "Just...woolgathering, sir."

Something satisfied flickered across his expression, but vanished quickly. "Well, you certainly seem to know enough to show respect for your elders, at any rate." He gestured towards the trio of mares. Celestia was chatting animatedly with Starswirl while Luna and Trixie looked on, bemused and trying to get a word in edgeways, respectively. "You seem to have fallen in with interesting people."

I smiled, despite my earlier misgivings, and nodded towards his bell clad companion. "If you don't mind my saying so, I could say the same for yourself, sir."

The gray clad unicorn rolled his eyes. "Pal-ahem, forgive me, Starswirl has always been a bit of an odd duck. Even worse than Aiwendil, if you would believe it. Although..." His voice trailed off as he took in the glade around us, the birds singing their evening song in the trees, and the rustic village below us "If I am being completely honest, he would have enjoyed this trip as well. Unfortunately, he would very much have been a...what is the expression? Ah yes...a third wheel."

Something like a mental puzzle piece clicked into place. "Third wheel?" I followed his gaze over toward Luna, then glanced back at him. His expression was contemplative, though his eyes roamed over the dusky mare, and I decided to risk saying my thoughts out loud. "Wait, so you...and Starswirl...are going on a date with..." I glanced over at the two alicorns, and back. "With them?!" I finished, because I am a talented wordsmith and not because I was gobsmacked.

"Is that so shocking to you?"

"Well..." I rubbed the back of my neck with a hoof, and increasingly feeling like I was tapdancing on thin ice in red-hot shoes. My conversational counterpart, meanwhile, looked drily amused and perfectly willing to let me continue my Fred Astaire impression. "I mean, don't take this the wrong way, but aren't they out of your league?"

"Out of my league?! Nonsense!" And with that, as all other eyes turned towards us, he cast aside his gray cloak. There he stood, grown suddenly tall. His hair and beard fairly gleamed white in the late evening sunlight, and underneath, glowing nearly as bright, was a white casual shirt patterned with tropical flowers in silver, as well as the wide brimmed, gray banded panama hat. His cutie mark, likewise, caught the evening light: a crossed staff, sword, and massive firework. I took an involuntary step back, bathed in his glow, feeling quite sure that I knew precisely who he was.

The entire glade was silent for a full thirty seconds, before Luna's wings flared in what seemed to be an involuntary reaction, naked admiration and interest spread across her delicate features. Meanwhile Starswirl came to his hooves, his eyes threatening to roll clear out of his skull. "Really? Do you ever tire of that Sudden Reveal act?"

He turned to regard Starswirl, and somehow the brightness diminished. "Well, no, not really. You only get two or three chances to pull it off properly."

Starswirl snorted. "Oh of course. That's why you were wearing your robes over that Haywai'ian shirt." He shook his head, then crooked a foreleg for Celestia. "Well, my dear, I would say that it was time we were going, wouldn't you?"

Celestia was keeping a studiously straight face, though I could hear the laughter threatening to bubble up as she spoke, threading her foreleg through Starswirl's. "Oh, most definitely. Coming, Luna?"

Luna had, meanwhile, gotten her wings under control and she regally paced over towards myself and my interlocutor. "Not before being first introduced to the stallion who is to serve as my...escort." Her eyes smoldered as she said the last word and held a regal forehoof up, and the unicorn next to me straightened briefly before sweeping his hat from his head and bowing deeply. "I have been called many names in my time. I am the servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the Flame of Arnor." He took Luna's forehoof in his own, and bestowed it with a kiss, while his eyes met hers. "You may call me whatever you wish, for currently, I burn only for yourself."

Luna maintained her composure for a bare second, then danced in one place, squealing like a teenager. "Oh...Oh Celly, I like this one!" She grabbed him by the foreleg, and with a crack of displaced air, the two vanished. Trixie and I glanced at each other, before I looked back at Celestia. "Um...your Highness, before you go, I've got a question."

She turned to politely regard me over Starswirl's shoulder. "Oh, by all means, Comstock, ask away."

I glanced at Starswirl, then back to her. "Well, if I understand it, I'm here to see if folks from my reality have been making it to yours."

"Yes, that's correct." She said, in a tone reminiscent of a kindergarten teacher with a particularly slow student just starting to grasp that two and two were four.

"Well, it occurs to me that Starswirl and his...companion would present a fairly significant incursion."

Starswirl nodded. "Young man, you would be correct, but for one thing." He nodded at Celestia before smirking. "We are here at her invitation."

Celestia nodded. "Quite so. So there's no need for you to inform me in this particular case." She patted Starswirl's foreleg with her own. "We should be going, Swirly. If we don't hurry, Luna's going to hit the buffet like a wrecking ball."

Starswirl snorted. "Only if she doesn't beat him there. The man's an absolute fiend when it comes to horse d'oeuvres." He gave me a look and nodded towards their abandoned wagon. "By the by, if you would be so kind as to bring that wagon to Ponyville for us? The contents are due for the Ponyville Summer Wrap Up Festival, and I'm afraid that we won't be available to deliver them."

I could do nothing but nod. Trixie, meanwhile was just picking her jaw off the floor as Celestia gave us both a sunny smile. "Have fun, you two! And try not to blow up any part of town." And with that, the two vanished in another crack, leaving Trixie and myself alone in the clearing with the two wagons.

I huffed out a breath, and then swore.

Trixie glanced over at me, clearly on edge, "WHAT!? What now?"

I laughed at myself, ruefully. "And I didn't even get his autograph. Come on. At least they left us dinner."

We both moved over to the cast iron pot stewing over the fire. Trixie gave it an apprehensive sniff. "What is it?"

Using my forehoof, I picked up the ladle and gave the pot an experimental stir, then brought it to my lips and sipped. Of course. "Potatoes."

Author's Note

With sincerest apologies to J. R. R. Tolkien. I couldn't resist, may the Valar forgive me.

Hope everyone's doing alright. Keep your heads up, your eyes open, and we'll all get through things on the other side.

Chapter 9

An hour or so later, stomachs full to bursting with second and third helpings of potato stew, Trixie and I settled down by the fire to let our food digest.

Though, somehow, I got stuck with cleaning out the cast iron cauldron.

For the record, if you're from my original reality and reading this, It's surprising the little things that you take for granted. Dish soap, for instance. Or sponges, particularly the abrasive scrubbing side. Seriously, try scrubbing out a pot wearing a pair of oven mitts sometime and you'll rediscover the joys of something that costs maybe a dollar.

After the fifth or sixth attempt to hold onto the rag I was using to clean the pot out was lost in the slurry of stew remnant, I decided to voice my frustrations in a very mature and erudite manner.

"Gah! These hooves are friggin useless!" I glanced over at Trixie, who seemed to be having a fit of giggles at my antics.
"No offense, but pony anatomy is pretty stupid. How, I ask you, are you supposed to get any of this stuff done?"

Trixie rolled her eyes and got to her hooves, bumping me to one side as she sauntered over and levitated the rag out of the pot and wrung it out with her magic before giving me a deadpan look. "Ta daa."

"Oh har har." I frowned as I snatched the rag from her aura and returned to my task with frustrated determination. "That's just cheating." A thought occurred to me and I stopped in mid scrub. "You got any spells in that hocus poker of yours to clean out this pot?"

She shook her head, taking another rag in her hoof and helping me scrub out the rest of it. "The Great and Powerful Trixie was never the best at such displays of domesticity. And after I melted my first few pots and pans, I decided hoof grease was the most practical way forward."

We scrubbed together for almost a minute before Trixie spoke up. "If you bend the hoof you're using back a little bit more, you can get a slightly better grip. Tr...I spent a good amount of time washing dishes before I managed to put my act together."

I glanced aside at her and smiled. "Thanks. You know, I still haven't seen you perform."

"You will, at least if they'll let me at the Summer Wrap Up Festival. There's always an appreciative crowd there, and it will be a good cover for our mission." A contemplative look crossed Trixie's face before she spoke. "You know, for the record, your anatomy is pretty stupid. I mean, no hair anywhere except your head and privates. No wonder you people have to wear those clothes all the time."

"I mean, there is some hair, it's just really-"

"And another thing!" Trixie spoke over me, with the air of one who had sitting on a complaint for far too long. "I wish to heartily complain on behalf of all the mares in your world about the placement of their udders. Your people are unsteady enough as it is walking around on two legs, and then you have all that weight up top. It's a wonder your mares aren't constantly pitching over. Not to mention the Tartarus blasted contraptions they need to hold them up! It's bad enough that all of your people have to wear clothes at all times, but what sanity forsaken reason would you wear more underneath them!"

I kept scrubbing, knowing full well that when confronted with a female complaining about her body in any reality, prudent silence is the best course of action. Meanwhile, Trixie's tirade continued unabated. "How in Celestia's name a woman from your reality is supposed to stay in shape is beyond me! There's no magic for them to burn off all the extra calories, and even whatever exercise they can do, they've got to do running around on their hind legs with their udders flopping around everywhere and toppling all over the place!" She huffed a breath, then abruptly lifted the scrubbed cauldron in her magic and dumped the slurry of water and stew off to one side of our campsite.

Seizing on something she had said, I valiantly attempted to change the subject. "You know, that's something I've been meaning to ask about."

Irate, she whirled on me, an expression of perfect fury stamped on her features. "You...you jerk! Trixie's udders are her own business!"

"Not them- that!" I managed to blurt in pure self preservative instinct. "The magic that's out here, and the way ponies burn calories." Trixie's expression of fury dwindled to something merely suspicious, so I continued. "I mean, everyo-everypony walks or flies pretty much everywhere they can, so the average individual is a lot more active than back in my own reality, but...burning magic also burns calories?"

"Of course!" Trixie shook the cauldron out behind her, then set it aside to dry by the fire. "Take that display for example. I needed to levitate the cauldron, manipulate it, and set it down with enough force to keep it from warping or breaking. That takes effort." She nodded up towards the clouds that caught the last of the day's illumination. "Pegasi have it easy. It takes a great deal of effort to keep one aloft, and they naturally have the appetites to go with it. Earth ponies like you have a great deal of stamina, but even then they are usually able to turn their abilities toward growing things like...oh, squash or some such, or crafting. It's why Equestrian food tends to run towards pastry, carbs, and massive amounts of butter."

I nodded at that, pondering my situation and gazing at the fire. Trixie settled down across from me, a curious frown across her features. Absently, I dug into my saddlebags at my side and pulled out a deck of cards I had bought for a few bits back at the Castle Canter Gift Shop. I'd always found the act of shuffling cards relaxing and soothing, ever since grandad taught me how to when I was a kid. Now, however, it was an exercise in learning how to use my new limbs. If I could eventually figure out how to cut and shuffle, never mind a double lift, it using a cleaning rag would be child's play.

"Bit for your thoughts."

I considered the deck in my hooves. "I was just thinking about our mission and how much we've got on our plates. I think we might have bitten off more than we can chew."

A pale blue eyebrow arched as she took off her spangled witch's hat and tossed her mane out, a brush levitating out of her saddlebags. "How so?"

"Well, take these cards, for instance. There's four suits, and thirteen cards for each suit. And two wild cards." With difficulty, I managed to deal out five cards. "Which is innocuous enough, but a common deck of playing cards back home are set up exactly the same way." I flipped over the cards I'd drawn as I kept talking. "Heck, even two of the suits are the same as back home. You have hearts and diamonds here too. The other two..." I frowned down at them. "Horseshoes and..." I turned the card sideways. "Horns?"

Trixie nodded, brushing her mane out. "What's your point?"

"Well, it's uncanny, that's what. What are the odds of two different universes developing a deck of cards each with the same similarities? For that matter, what are the odds of a race of beings without thumbs developing playing cards in the first place?"

Trixie frowned at that. "Well, they weren't originally for playing. They were used in..."

"Fortune telling." I said. It was just a guess, but Trixie's eyes widened as I continued. "It was the same back in my world. The suits were changed too to appeal to sensibilities. But the similarities don't end there." I held up the box the cards came in. Like the backs of the cards, they contained abstract linework and designs, but featured what could only be an alicorn on a unicycle. "The designs and brand names are too similar to the ones back home. So there's even more commonalities."

"So, you're thinking there's some sort of confluence."

I nodded. "Someone from my world could have introduced the cards at some time in the past to yours, which would account for the similarities in the fortune telling origins. And, at some point more recently in history, someone came up with the unicycle brand name. So, we have a common article here in Equestria with an equally common reference point back in my reality with potentially multiple confluences."

Trixie's manebrush paused in its trip through her mane briefly while she pondered that. "That's one possibility. But it's just as likely that somepony from Equestria brought it to your world. We know that Celestia isn't above taking particular jaunts out of our reality. And any reasonably powerful unicorn could have discovered a portal to your world."

I nodded at that. "Exactly. Something like this would take time to research, and it's not like we could go to the..." I turned the box over and read the back "'Unicycle Playing Card Co of Fillydelphia' and shake them up looking for displaced people from my universe."

Trixie nodded, her eyes distant. "When you put it that way..." She blinked. "Well. There's not much we can do one way or the other." She yawned magnificently, stowing her brush away in her bag. "So we might as well get some shut eye." She rose and trotted over to her wagon. "Can Trixie trust you to put out the fire?"

"Of course, but I was going to stay up for a little while anyway."

Trixie nodded. "Fair enough." She glanced at her wagon, then back over to me. "Trixie should warn you that my wagon door is firmly enchanted, and if you should try to enter it without my permission, you should get used to the idea of spending the next week as a teacup."

I raised my eyebrows at that. "I wasn't going to. But could you toss my bedroll out first?"

"And why wouldn't you want to enter Trixie's wagon?!" She demanded as my bedroll and blanket shot out at near supersonic velocity. I suddenly was aware of more stars in the night sky than were there to begin with. I was also on my back, and the door to Trixie's wagon slamming shut.

Sighing, I dizzily got to my hooves and started unrolling my bed for the evening. "I'll never understand women. With hooves or without."

⚜☀⚜

I awoke the next day next to a smoldering fire. The pre-dawn light was starting to filter through the grove of trees around us. Grumbling, I rolled over, grabbed a log and chucked it onto the embers of the fire, hoping to stoke it back so I could get breakfast ready. While I waited for the log to catch, I lay back and listened to the surrounding landscape start to wake up. It hadn't been too long since my last camping trip, but it was always my favorite time of day, when the world around was still, and the first birds started their songs in the morning.

"QUIET YOU POX RIDDLED BUZZARDS! TRIXIE NEEDS HER BEAUTY REST!" A wooden window on the wagon clattered open and a trio of rocks flew out at the various and sundry birds, who took wing with alarmed cries. The window slammed shut again, and all was quiet in the forest save for Trixie's surprisingly stentorian snores.

Note to self: Let Trixie get her beauty rest.

I quietly placed another log on the fire and wondered just how long it would be to safely get up and start brewing coffee without disturbing the unicorn in the Wagon.

⚜☀⚜

As it transpired, it took a half hour before I rose to Nature's Call, tip-hoofing a discrete distance away. It seemed a waste of time to go back to my bed, so I rummaged around in the other wagon, finding a coffepot and grounds. A short while after the coffee was steaming and percoating merrily , Trixie emerged from the wagon, her mane and tail tangled and her eyes half closed and gummed up with sleep, stumbling across the forest floor and, remarkably, not tripping over the upturned logs and rocks. The coffee pot floated up out of the fire, poured out a measure into a mug floating nearby, and was downed in one slug by the sleep deprived mare. She gave a satisfied sigh, and then cracked one eye open to stare at me. "Trixie is pleased that you have a second redeeming quality."

I sipped at my own coffee, arching an eyebrow. "Second?"

She nodded, pouring herself more coffee. "Yes. You're capable of puling the wagons."

I snorted at that. "What was my first redeeming quality?"

She sighed, levitating her hat back onto her head as she took a more ladylike sip of coffee. "Well, I was going to say you didn't ask too many stupid questions. Now Trixie supposes she will have to find another redeeming quality."

After a light breakfast of bread, butter, and blackberry jam, we broke our camp. Though I didn't have the fine motor skills that I used to, I was starting to become proficient enough with my hooves to bundle my kit up tight enough so it wouldn't come loose as we arrived in town. Trixie managed to levitate a small mound of dirt over the smoldering ashes of the fire and I poured the dregs of the coffee over to douse any lit ashes.

I considered it a mark of my preoccupation that I didn't notice Trixie's earlier comments about pulling the wagons, as in plural.

"Now, hold up a second. Didn't you used to pull your own wagon all up and down this land?"

She tossed her mane and bobbed her curls with a hoof, the picture of feminine daintiness. "Just because Trixie did doesn't mean she likes to. A true gentlecolt would pull both!"

"Well', I said, slipping into the traces of her wagon, "Luckily for me, I am without any of the traces of your average gentlecolt, never mind a true one. You take the fireworks wagon. Should be lighter anyways."

⚜☀⚜

The hike into Ponyville...again with that name...was reasonably pleasant as we were headed downhill still. The late summer day had the first hint of fall crispness in the air, though Summer still had enough fire left in it for one last solid hurrah before Autumn Proper set in. The trees still held plenty of green in them, cicadas buzzed their rhythmic calls in the trees and bushes, underpinning the melody of bird song.

As we plodded down the road towards the town, I started picking out details of the town. Ponies bustled here and there setting up for what had to be the aforementioned Summer Wrap-Up festival, hanging wildflowers, bunting, erecting food and game stalls, all the while going through their tasks with an air of cheerful busyness.

While I watched them work as I hauled the wagon along, I became aware of music. I don't mean that I was hearing music. It was at once like I'd walked into a spray of perfume or mist, where between one step and the next there was suddenly something. I could feel the music around me, a light but fast paced percussion driving a sense of celebration and merriness. The melody was carried by strings-violins primarily- skirling around and around in a tune that repeated itself, but then built on it, adding cellos, viols, basses as the melody crescendoed in merry, frantic energy that I found myself matching my pace to. Further strings added, not to the melody, but as sweeping chords that served to hold up the tune, supporting the melody and, simultaneously, serving to emphasize it. But despite all that merriness, the music had a minor tonality to it, as if all involved knew that it served to mark something wonderful and tremendous, but that was all the more amazing because of its transient nature.

I couldn't hear the music with my ears. But at the same time, I could feel it, much the same as if I were standing in the same room as the musicians playing it. The pulse of the percussion beat a tattoo against my limbs, and I felt almost like I had to stop and dance, grabbing my traveling companion and taking her up in the song. I must have slowed up, however, because suddenly Trixie was standing to my left, arching an eyebrow at me.

"What's the matter, Comstock? Don't tell me your strength has given out already. No mare likes to see a stallion give out so early in the day."

I shook my head, my mane flopping against my neck, and twitched my ears, trying to see if I could catch a source of the music. "No, it's not that. Can you hear it?"

"Hear what?"

Guess that answers THAT question, I thought to myself. "Um...music, I think. Sounds like a dance tune."

Trixie cocked her head to one side, her eyes going distant as her ears perked towards the town. After a silent few minutes, she shook her head. "Nothing but some ponies warming up for later this evening. Why, what's up?"

I pondered answering her question honestly. I really did. But, back in our reality, if you admit to hearing things other people can't, that's usually the time the men with the butterfly nets and free suits with the extra long arms show up to haul you off to a padded cell. While I couldn't be certain that ponies would react in the same way, I'd rather not take that chance. That even included Trixe, who, while occasionally referring to herself in the third person, seemed canny enough to recognize someone insane when she saw them.

"Nothing" I lied glibly, and then quickly tried to change the subject. "Looks like a rather large party brewing."

"Yes." Trixie said flatly. "It certainly does." As if to punctuate her statement, a mushroom cloud blasted up through the center of town, the pressure seconds later blasting my mane flat against my skull. A second glance showed me that the cloud was made up of confetti, which was drifting back down to earth with a magnificent disregard of future tidying up.

It may have been my imagination, but it looked like Trixie suppressed a shudder. "Oh Celestia, she's got it running again." She said, more to herself than me.

"What was that?"

The blue unicorn shook her head, giving me a look. "You'll find out soon enough. Come on, we've got to get these fireworks into town."

With that, she shouldered past me, and I wondered, not for the first time that morning, just what I had gotten myself into.

Chapter 2

I led Trixie back to the employee garage, which was a thankfully short walk away. Fishing around in my pocket for my keys, I unlocked my pride and joy.

Trixie stared in disbelief at my ancient Suburban. "We're going in that...thing?"

"Hey! Don't laugh. It's paid for." Ouch. The Kaburban might not look like much, but it ran well, parts were cheap, and it handled the occasional snow like a champ. Plus, it made camping a breeze.

I opened the passenger side front door and gestured gallantly for her to enter. "She might not look like much, but she's got it where it counts." That might be bragging slightly; As mighty as my ride was, it wouldn't do the Kessel Run in 12 parsecs.

Looking apprehensive, Trixie climbed into the car and I shut the door for her before making my way over to the driver's side and mounting up myself. I glanced across at my passenger, who was studying the leather seats of the vehicle with interest. I fired up the car and started to back up, then stopped.

"Could you do me a favor and buckle up?"

"What?"

What?! I thought to myself, but, calmly, I unbuckled my seat belt and showed her how it worked. It took her a good half minute to fumble with it, but finally I heard it click shut. Just what the hell is with this girl?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thankfully, the roads were blessedly empty at this time of night, so it only took me twenty minutes to drive back to my home in downtown Sparks. Even now, three years later, it was still hard to think of as Mine. When Grandad passed away, he'd left me the house he'd bought after coming home from World War Two to work for Union Pacific. It was a fairly small two bedroom affair with a modest yard and a shed. But then, like my old Suburban, it was paid for. Unfortunately, there were still occasional problems with the house, and I'd given serious thought to selling the old place. But the timing had never seemed right. Not to mention it was a ten minute walk from Victorian Square, which made things convenient if I ever wanted to dine out or have a drink.

Not that we'd be doing that this evening.

I pulled the truck through the drive to the back under the covering I'd erected last spring and killed the engine. "Well, here we are." I unbuckled my seat belt and climbed out of the car, shutting the door behind me. I was halfway to the house when I noticed that I was doing so alone.

Frowning, I walked back to the car and opened the front passenger door and had to stifle a laugh. Somehow, Trixie had managed to wrap the shoulder strap of her seat belt around her head and was furiously thrashing about and trying to fiddle with the belt release.

"About time you came to help! How do you release this blasted contraption!"

"You're kidding, right?"

"Does Trixie-OOF-look like she's-ARRRGH- kidding?! Help me out here!"

I snorted. "Hold still. You're making it worse." I reached across her body and hit the release, taking care to hold the buckle before it retracted and either smacked me in the head or strangled my absurd guest. After a minute's careful untangling, Trixie was able to exit my car, though she gave it a baleful look as I shut the door.

"Your wagon is most disagreeable."

I rolled my eyes. "Hey now. She has her days, but she runs more often than not." I nodded back towards the house. "Come on in, it's cold this evening."

She started to follow, then, frowning, she paused and scanned the night sky. "What...where...Where's your moon?"

I stopped in my tracks and turned back to her. "Eh?"

"You've no moon in your sky." This thought, more than being abandoned by her companions at a strange airport and being taken in by a stranger, seemed to affect her more than anything else. "What happened to your Moon?"

"Nothing, really. It's usually up in the day, this time of year. Give it another month, though, and it should be up in the evening."

"It...the moon in the day?"

"Yeah...are you coming?"

"Y...yes, I am."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Inside, I fired up the lights to my living room, which is small with delusions of Coziness. Most of the room was dominated by a massive sofa I'd managed to pick up at a thrift store some years ago. It clashed with the rest of the furniture, but my grandparents had not had to contend with the occasional couch-surfing college friend. I hung my coat up and made my way to the kitchen. "Can I get you something to eat or drink?"

Trixie was gazing around the furnishings with interest, and my question caused her to start. "What? Oh...if it's not too much trouble."

Lady, if it was too much trouble, I'd have left you at the airport. Out loud, I said "I haven't done much shopping in the last few days, but let's see what I can round up for you."

The fridge was from the same vintage as the rest of the furniture. It was probably older than it should be, but, like everything else I owned, it still worked. I ran a litany of what I had in. "Let's see...Cheese, some apples, a few beers...worse off than I thought." I glanced over at the pantry, which I'd left open. "Looks like I have some graham crackers, rice cakes and peanut butter."

"Peanut butter and crackers sound good."

I nodded. "Come on into the kitchen, have a seat."I pulled two beers out of the fridge, made my way over to the pantry and pulled out the peanut butter and a box of graham crackers for her and a couple of rice cakes for myself along with a butter knife. I opened both beers in front of her and set them both in front of her, followed by the aforementioned crackers. When she made no move for the crackers, I opened the box for her, and lay a few out on the kitchen table and opened the peanut butter, spreading some on my rice cake by way of demonstration.

It took her longer than I'd expected to spread some of the peanut butter on her cracker, which led me to suspect she had some sort of motor control functions. She held her knife in a hard fist, as if she was afraid of dropping it. After a frustrating few minutes, however, she was able to get enough on to satisfy her taste and she started eating.

"Trixie thanks you for your hospitality. I'm sorry, but I didn't catch your name."

I got tired of waiting for her to select one of the beers before her and chose one myself. "I suppose you had other things on your mind at the time. Finn Kelly, at your service." I said, raising my beer in a salute. "Now, did you have any way of getting in touch with your friends?"

Trixie frowned, munching away at a graham cracker, thoughtfully. "Not sure...Trixie...I...mean, I...should be able to get back with them when they return the wagon they rented from you, hopefully."

I frowned at that, searching my memory from what I could remember of their contract. "I mean, their contract was supposed to finish about..." I checked my watch, "This time, two days from now...do you mean you're just planning on waiting at the airport for them to turn up?" Something was fishy about this. Surely she must have had a return ticket, or other travel information. "I mean, it's my day off tomorrow. I could take you to their hotel and we could see about locating them, if you like."

Trixie finished a cracker and picked up her beer with both hands and took a pull from the bottle, then frowned at the bottle. "What is this brew?"

I grinned. "Great Basin Wild Horse. Best beer this side of the Sierras."

She took a few seconds to study the rearing wild horse rampant on the beer label before she shook herself. "I'm sorry...If it wouldn't be too much trouble, that would be a great help."

I nodded as I scarfed down my last rice cake. "Well, that's settled then. Now, let's see to your accommodations."

Thankfully, my guest bedroom was reasonably clean of detritus and waste. But then, I never really had guests in, though I did have the foresight to keep a futon in there. Again, couch surfing college friends. My grandfather's old Spinnet piano, my guitar on its stand, and a wall mounted television rounded out the rest of the furniture. I pulled out the futon and grabbed a trio of spare blankets from the closet, bundling one into a rough pillow and spreading the others over the bed. "Here you go. There's a bathroom down the hall, and this door has a lock. If you need me, I'll be in the main bedroom. Now, can I get you anything else?"

She gave the futon an appraising glance. "Well, I've certainly slept in worse places on the road. Thank you for your hospitality, Finn Kelly."

"Don't worry about it. It's a tough situation. I'm just, glad I could help." I tipped an imaginary hat to her. "See you in the morning."

With that I stumbled down the hall to my bed. There was nothing I could do to help Trixie until day, and I was desperate for sleep. Thinking about it for a minute, I locked the door to my room. Not that I necessarily distrusted Trixie, but I'd have been pretty dumb to take her Lost Babe in the Woods act at face value. And I know I wasn't the first person in the world to have been suckered by a pretty face in trouble.

I had just enough energy to get out of my work clothes and flop under the covers. I was asleep almost as soon as my head hit the covers.

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"FINN KELLY! GET UP THIS INSTANT! I NEED YOUR HELP!" I was jolted out of my sleep by Trixie's stentorian bellowing, punctuated by heavy pounding at my door. "CELESTIA'S SHINY HINEY, FINN KELLY, IF YOU DO NOT GET UP, I SHALL NOT BE RESPONSIBLE FOR MY ACTIONS."

I glared blearily at my alarm clock. I'd barely been asleep for a half hour. "Rrrgh...Trixie, can't it wait until morning?"

"ABSOLUTELY NOT, FINN KELLY!" The pounding resumed. "YOU ARE AWAKE ALREADY, GET OUT HERE AND HELP ME!"

Frustrated, I flung the covers off myself and stormed over to the door. "What in ODIN'S NAME is it?" I opened the door in a rush, my temper overcome.

In hindsight, I should have guessed she was going to keep pounding on the door. Unfortunately, my door opens inward, and her closed fist came down and clobbered me in the nose.

"OI!"

"Oh!" Her demeanor changed. "I'm sorry, Finn Kelly! Are you alright?"

I massaged my nose carefully. That's a painful spot to get hurt, but thankfully she didn't seem to have broken it or given me a nosebleed. "I suspect I'll live. What is it?"

By now, Trixie looked almost embarrassed, and she was squirming. "Um...The Great and...I mean, I could use your help..." She gestured to her jeans. "Trixie needs to relieve herself and she can't-" She shifted to fiddling with her belt. "-Contend with-" She kept squirming in obvious discomfort "-these INFERNAL garments."

That brought me out of my irritation. "So...you want me to..."

"REMOVE THESE CONFOUNDED TROUSERS, FINN KELLY!"

Look, it's been a while since a pretty girl asked me to take her pants off. "You're kidding."

"Does Trixie look like she's kidding? Remove these trousers. I do not wish to soil myself."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in through my nose, and then counted to ten as I exhaled. "Ok...just...just hold still." I stepped up close to her, and, very, very carefully, I undid her belt, unbuttoned her pants, and slid the zipper of her jeans down an inch. She smelt...wild, of jasmine, wildflowers and clean autumn wind. I shook my head and stepped back. "There...is that all you needed?"

She glanced down. "I am still wearing these trousers. And what appears to be..." She frowned as she managed to lower her zipper. I had a glimpse of royal purple panties trimmed in white lace. "What sort of lunacy is this with clothing UNDER pants?"

I averted my gaze to the ceiling. "Doesn't matter, I'm sure you can get them off yourself." I pointed over her shoulder. "Bathroom. Go relieve yourself!"

She turned, managing to slide her pants down around her rather shapely thighs. Royal purple, trimmed in white lace... I smiled to myself, despite the rude awakening.

Then her voice came from the bathroom. "Such a wide commode...How do you sit on it?"

After I'd burst into the bathroom, explained to her that what she was about to relieve herself in was in fact the bathtub and a hurried, eyes averted explanation of how the toilet worked, I was shambling off to bed. Again.

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I woke up again before dawn. Lucky me! Some people have the luxury of getting their sleep all at once! I get to spread it all out!

Growling to myself, I rolled over and tried to get comfortable, when I heard Trixie speaking clearly. Puzzled, I got out of bed and padded to my door, then down the hall to the guest room. Trixie had left her door opened, and I opened it as quietly as I could, lifting the door so the hinges wouldn't squeak.

Trixie was lying in the futon, sprawled in elegant disarray, tangled in the covers I'd provided, and, apparently, talking in
her sleep.

"The Grrreat and Powerful Trrrrixie resents your implications, Princess of the Night." Who rolls their tongue in their sleep? "I only followed through the portal to aid your sister and Princess Know-it-All. The fact it's a new adventure is completely immaterial to the events at hand." She breathed in and out, her features twitching as if in a dream. She paused long enough that I thought she'd subsided, and I'd turned to go back to bed when she spoke again.

"Of course Trixie can care for herself. Using her Feminine Charms, she has convinced a gullible and easily led stallion to put her up for the time being."

More like Irritable and Easily Awoken , honey. I thought to myself, but Trixie spoke again before I could do anything but ponder throwing a sock at her. "You assume too much, Mooncheeks. He has been the perfect gentlecolt. He has offered to help me search for your retired sister and her companions on the 'morrow."

More silence, then Trixie spoke again. "Yes, yes, I know why your sister and her Know-it-All students traveled to this Harmony-forsaken world. Just consider me an involuntary addition to their party." A shorter pause. "You had better NOT let me get stranded here! There's no sense to this place, Your Highness. And it wouldn't be fair to Finn Kelly. Trixie may be overbearing and arrogant, but she isn't unobservant."

A longer pause.

"Yes, your highness...I will be in touch..." And then she mumbled a few more times and began...well...

Look. I'm not entirely inexperienced when it came to women, but I know a snore when I hear one. I turned and padded back to my bed, muttering "Mad...mad as a balloon..." before flopping back into bed and pulling the covers over my head. Maybe, if I was lucky, I'd get the remaining four hours of sleep the universe owed me all lined up in a row.

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I dreamed.

It started off in a confused murmur of light, sound and sensation that resolved itself gradually into something familiar. I was sitting in what looked like a college professor's working office. Both walls to my left and right were dominated by various books of incredible thickness, though, like in most dreams, I couldn't make out the titles. The wall before me was dominated by a wide window, though curtains were drawn against the night sky. I sat before a wide mahogany desk littered with various papers, pens, pencils, and a book held open at a page by a silk ribbon that was a purple so dark it was almost black. A mug emblazoned with a picture of the Earth rising over the horizon of the Moon held a steaming amount of hot chocolate.

Behind the desk sat a woman.

Even sitting down, I could tell she was tall, easily over six feet. Her hair was dark, almost blue black in the office light, and held back in a simple pony tail. She wore a suit in midnight blue over a lighter blue blouse, with a silver waxing crescent moon necklace around her neck. She had a widow's peak, and her features were achingly, timelessly beautiful, though I got the impression that she could be equally severe or sensual, depending on her mood. Her pale blue eyes were most intriguing, however (and, given the curves concealed by her conservative dress, that was saying something). They sparkled with intelligence, wisdom, and, unless I miss my guess, a bit of sorrow.

"So, Finn Kelly, what are we to do with you?"

"How do you mean, Ma'am?"

She arched a delicate raven-black eyebrow. "What we mean, Finn Kelly, is that you have stumbled inadvertently into a situation far beyond your humble reckoning, courtesy of your new companion." She frowned, her brows knitting. "It is vexing. Your actions with Trixie have been honorable, and yet..." She shook her head. "It is a puzzle, young stallion. And I am not as fond of puzzles as my esteemed sister."

Unusually for a dream, I actually had a chance to think about my response and my situation. "Well..When it comes to Trixie, I'd like to get her out of my hair as fast as possible. Ideally back to whatever institution she managed to escape from."

My companion gave an elegant snort, and nodded. "That is not an uncommon reaction to making her acquaintance."

I smiled at that. "Glad to know it's not just me." I shook my head. "As irritating as she is, though, she doesn't seem like a bad person. Just someone who managed to get in over their head. And, let's be honest, everyone needs help every now and then."

She nodded. "Just so." She studied me again, and then seemed to arrive at a decision. "Your manners seem forthright, Finn Kelly. We will place our trust in thee." She leaned forward, and her eyes flashed dangerously. "It would be in your best interest to see that we are not disappointed."

I gulped and nodded. "Yes Ma'am." A sudden thought occurred to me. It was a long shot, but then, I might as well ask. "Say, do you suppose you could get a message to Trixie's companions? If you're concerned about her sticking around with me, they could, ah, alleviate those concerns."

Just then the room shook. Several books fell off the shelf and collapsed to the floor. The woman swore something very unladylike and started searching through the papers on the desk before her. "That is probably not possible, Finn Kelly."

"Why not?

The room shook again, and then became painfully bright, to the point where I had to squint against it. Over the roar of the books falling down, I heard the woman shout one last thing.

"Because, you are waking up."

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I swore and thrashed back under my covers as someone shoved blazing needles into my retinas.

"Time to awaken, Finn Kelly! The time has come for you to aid the Great and Powerful Trixie in finding Pretentious Perfect Princess Purplesmart and her companions!"

"It's too early to alliterate! Go back to sleep!"

I heard and felt Trixie start to flog me with what I could only guess were a pair of pants. "Get up! We are burning Daylight and you haven't made me breakfast yet!"

I briefly debated telling her just where she could stick breakfast, but settled for growling. "Alright. Alright!" I threw my covers off, frustrated. "Just give me a minute to geehhHWHY AREN'T YOU WEARING PANTS!?"

Trixie stood before me, highlighted by the morning sun streaking through my windows, wearing the shirt from last night and a pair of lacy panties. Her thighs were shapely and well toned with muscle, and I briefly considered what she might do with them, but that thought was quickly quashed by the aforementioned pants belting me around the head again.

"I am not WEARING pants, as you have so kindly noticed, Finn Kelly, because I am-" she punctuated each word with a blow
"-trying-"
WHAM
"-to-"
BIFF
"-get-"
WHAP
"-you-"
FWUMP
"-UP!"

I covered my head with my arms and shouted back "Well, if you wanted to get me up, you should have just climbed into bed."

"Oh, hah hah. Very clever." Trixie rolled her eyes, but she was also faintly blushing. "Get your mind out of the gutter and your hind end out of bed."

"To hear is to obey, Your Worshipfulness. Just give me a minute to get dressed and I'll get things going. Just...put your pants on."

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A quick trip to the bathroom to relieve myself, wash my hands and splash some water on my face, and I emerged from my bedroom ready to face the day. I'd hurredly dressed in a pair of khaki cargo pants and a pale green buttoned up shirt before I emerged, trying to smooth my hair into something at least vaguely resembling order. Unfortunately, despite my best efforts, it looked precisely as if I'd been soundly beaten around the head by a pair of jeans.

The aforementioned garments were now resolutely filled in by my temporary companion, who was hurredly fumbling with the buttons.

I may be feeling petty and vindictive, but I decided she could handle it on her own.

"So, you want breakfast, huh?"

Trixie managed to fasten her buttons and gave me a triumphant smirk. "If it would not put you to too much trouble, Finn Kelly. It is easy enough to make breakfast for two as it is for one."

I rolled my eyes. "Sure, hang on a second."

I stalked past her to get to the pantry. "Well, you have two options." I grabbed an item in each hand and turned to present them to her. "First, I can offer you bread."

She gave me a flat look. "Bread."

I nodded and gave her a . "Sourdough! Either cold or toasted, dry or buttered. The possibilities are endless." I held up the box I held in my other hand an gave it a shake. "Or, if you prefer, I have...Cheerios." I gave the box a shake for emphasis.

Trixie arched an eyebrow. "Toasted bread will be fine, Finn Kelly. Lightly buttered, and unburnt, if you can manage it."

"Certainly, Your Worship." I briefly wondered if playing up to her delusions of grandeur would come back to bite me, but what the hell, I might as well have fun with it. "And woulds't thou needs't me to butter thine bread once it has been toasted?"

She snorted and rolled her eyes. "As long as you're offering, sure."

I popped a pair of slices of toast in for her, an poured a bowl of the whole grain goodness for myself. As I ate, I pondered the situation before me. On the one hand, I had already offered to help this bizarre, demanding (though, admittedly, attractive) girl find her friends. On the other hand, I had no idea where said friends were located, assuming they'd been telling the truth, or what business I'd be interfering in. Finally, I had the odd dream this morning to contend with. I'd had lucid dreams before, but none like that one. For starters, it was almost like being awake, rather than the dream-like unlimited potential my usual lucid dreams held. For another, the dark haired woman in my dream also seemed to have an uncanny knowledge of what was going on.

Just what have you gotten yourself involved in, Finn? I asked myself as I munched on whole grain circles that promised low cholesterol, good karma and a credit score of 900.

Trixie's toast popped up an, to prove I'm a man of my word, I lightly buttered hers before resting both slices on a plate and slid it over to her.

I've known a few women who are dainty eaters. Trixie was not one of them. She attacked her toast with all the brutal savagery of a ravening wolf over a haunch of meat.

When the slaughter was over, she daintily wiped the crumbs from her mouth with a dishcloth and said. "Well, let's not stand around lollygagging, Finn Kelly."

I finished my cereal and gulped down whatever milk remained, before wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. "Agreed. The sooner we start, the sooner we're finished." I grabbed my keys and a light jacket from where they hung by the door.

And, I thought the sooner I'll be rid of you.