Author's Note

This is the SFW part. If you don't want to read....fetish related prose, don't read "Closer".

Opening

Today was a sunny day on the outskirts of the quiet little town of Ponyville. The sun pierced through the beautiful blue sky and let waves of golden light hit a grassy field. As the wind fled through the tall grass, it brushed passed an anxious yellow pegasus trot his way down the dirt path.

Quiet mutters could be heard from the pony as his eyes fixated on a small, soft cottage nestled next to a creek. The quaint sounds of the water grew louder as the pony’s strange front paws patterned against the dirt, and brought him closer and closer. His face was a half smile, half scared look that seemed to fade into the slight shade under his yellow mane. The sun seemed to glow beams off of his off-yellow coat coloration.

Finally, after moments of consideration and a few nervous flaps of his wings out of indecision, he knocked on the wooden front door. Moments ticked by as he waited impatiently for an answer. He hoped and prayed in his mind how it should all go well. However, in passing seconds, the door slowly opened to a faintly familiar face.

A humble yellow pony, with a pink mane and sparkling summer blue eyes, answered the door.

“H-hello?” She stared at the stallion for just a moment before a distant memory shot back to her. “Oh! You’re Existential Panache, right? Hehe, I almost didn’t recognize you. I’m sorry.”

With a nervous smile, he nodded, “Hey, Fluttershy. U-Uh, is Discord in today?”

“Oh no. He doesn’t usually visit today, but I’ll be sure to let him know you stopped by.” She smiled warmly.

“That’s… unfortunate.” He looked at the ground, defeated again. His eyes cast down at the floor.

Fluttershy’s ears perked up a bit as she saw the stallion this way. “Um… Do you want to come in?” Her demeanor changed as she opened the door a bit wider.

He blinked before nodding and accepting the friendly gesture. She returned with her warm smile. There was an air of unease about him, but his anxiety had subsided for now. His face had flushed off its half-tones and became calmer as he was greeted by a light, airy smell inside the home.

Looking around inside, the stallion’s emerald eyes peered over the various animal paraphernalia. Hanging from the ceiling, he could see some chimes and bird perches. As he followed Fluttershy, he was sure to keep from stepping on any small animals that may have lived in her home.

She led him to a boothed table that sat snugly against a few open windows. A tea set sat on the open table. The set itself had a white and blue quaint design that depicted animals in different poses all the way around the kettle, while the cups themselves had a gold inlay rim. The set looked to be very well made, and it was clear that the mare kept them quite tidy. Fluttershy smiled as she beckoned the stallion to sit across from her.

Passing conversation lasted a few minutes as they spoke about minor things. Their work, their lives thus far, and their hobbies. Exist slowly became more and more relaxed as his anxieties were put to rest. Discord was not here, so there was nothing to rile him up now. The light of the room, and the smell of the fresh tea made him realize how silly he looked to the other pony.

“It’s been a while since your brother came to my workplace.” Exist smiled, taking one of the empty teacups with a paw, and pouring himself a drink. “I still think about how bad of a liar he was.” He chuckled.

Fluttershy just sighed quietly and glanced out the window, “I know… I care about him a lot, but sometimes enough is enough.” She took a sip of the dark, lukewarm drink as she reminisced. “It’s silly though, pretending to be a mental patient to get free stuff…”

The stallion nodded with a more relaxed smile. His eyes peered out the window which had a wide view of the fields that cascaded against Fluttershy’s humble home. He watched as the trees just off to the right danced and moved in the breeze. Every so often he would see a bird or another animal scurry by.

“I hope me stopping in so randomly wasn’t rude.” Exist regaled in his newly poured cup of tea. “... I had heard that Discord is a good friend of yours, and I wanted… to talk to him.” He trailed off as he attempted to speak his mind.

“I-if… you don’t mind me asking-” The quiet pegasus spoke up, “What did you want to talk to him a-about? I swear, he’s turned over a new leaf.”

The young stallion couldn’t help but snort to himself as he stifled a laugh. A paw clenched into a fist as he brought it away from his face, “No, no. I… I wanted… mmm. You can keep a secret, right?”

“Of course. I’m a certified secret keeper, even Pinkie Pie said so.” She flinched as she finished speaking, her eyes agape, “B-b-but that’s a secret! So don’t tell anypony…” Quickly, her hoof was brought to her mouth.

“I understand.” Exist’s eyes peered around quickly, looking for any souls that might hear what he had to say. Fortunately, there were none, “Well… I wanted to get to know him better. I-I think I want to ask him out on a date.”

Fluttershy’s eyes stayed wide as she began to blush. Small pink flecks grew on her face as she pressed both cheeks with her hooves. She looked happy but also excited. Her ears perked all the way up, ready to listen.

“Oh that’s… That’s so wonderful. I’m sure he’d be happy to hear that!” She leaned in closely, “B-but um… Well, we’re, um, in a relationship right now, but ...”

Time stopped as her words broke into the void that occupied the space that Exist’s heart used to inhabit. Now marked with piercing darkness, her words echoed up through his chest, and welled in a painful lump in the stallion’s throat. His body flinched and shivered a bit as the realization flooded his mind - the water seeping out in the form of tears.

“W-what?” He could barely utter, “No I…”

Before Fluttershy could even continue what she was saying, Exist exited his seat with a thump. His face had fallen low as he made a dash for the door. As wings flapped upon reaching the outside in only a few trots, he could barely hear Fluttershy say something under his muffled whimpers.

Reaching the sky, his body zoomed through the sky towards his place of comfort. His paws and hooves grazed a few loose clouds as he could only see loose blobs of light and color through the tears in his eyes. Swirling and twisting emotions wretched at his heart as he clenched his chest in physical pain. He bit his teeth together hard as cheeks and eyes clenched shut.

There was a time when he’d felt this way before. A long time ago, but the memory had all but faded - the feelings remained. Dredged up emotions could never fully be extinguished through time alone, even if the memories had been whisked away by that same flow. Like the sun flowing in and out of the sky, these feelings continue to burn even should the moon’s remembrance of the sun’s rays at night should remain.

Still, as sad as he was in this moment, the comfort of home was only a drop of fresh water in the world’s oceans. As he opened the door, he was greeted by the shaded peace and quiet. Retiring for the day, he made his way up the wooden stairs in his clouded home. He left behind the couch and various homely decor alone, finding his plush, velvety blankets the only place he should be.

…

The next morning came and went as the poor griffequus stayed asleep in his bed. Unwilling to let go of his soft covers, he laid their motionless for hours into the morning. The sun began to pierce his clouded glass ceiling, making his eyelids slowly lift. Light from the sky revealed the rest of his room to him with everything where it should be. His clothes were tucked away into a small drawer set against the back wall, while a large closet lay just to the right of his bed.

On his nightstand sat a group of pictures of different ponies. Each one near and dear to his heart in some way, he couldn’t help but look at the picture of Fluttershy and her brother standing at the front gates of Cloudsdale Mental Hospital. His thoughts turned over though, as he remembered the person who took the photo. A frown appeared on his face as he sighed, pressing his paws into his forehead.

The quiet moment had ceased, however, as a familiar ring reverberated throughout his home. It was his doorbell, of course, prompting him to make his way through his home. Begrudgingly, he trot his way down the stairs and into his furnished home. As his paws pressed against the wooden front door, he was greeted to a familiar face: Fluttershy.

“Oh. Hey.” Exist flinched as his eyes laid on her figure. “...Sorry I left so suddenly yesterday.”

A look of concern had befallen her expression as she looked him over, “I-I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Um, how are you feeling…?”

One of Exist’s eyebrows creased a bit before answering, “Not great. It feels like my heart is a big black hole. But…” He sighed, shaking his head. “I know better than to get mad at you. Or him. ...It’s not either of your fault that I’m upset. You just - told me the truth.” The door opened a bit wider as he pulled himself out of the way, “Would you like to come inside?”

Fluttershy nodded as she replied, “I, yes. I-I’m really sorry that I upset you. I mean it, truly.”

As the stallion closed the door, he swallowed a bit of spit. With a soft lump in his throat, he led Fluttershy over to his small kitchen that nestled in a corner of his contemporary cloud-based home. Light refracted off of the clouds and windows that his home had been built with creating a heavenly glow in the midday sunlight.

“Did you want something to eat? I think I still have some snacks left…” Exist said, trying to take his mind off the past. His paw slowly opened one of the cupboards to reveal some long-lived goodies.

“No, no thank you. I had plenty to eat already.” Fluttershy took a seat at one of the short wooden chairs that surrounded a short stone table. The table had blue markings all over it that seemed to shine and sparkle in the sunlight. Her eyes darted to the blue speckles in the stone as she looked closer. “...Oh my, is this lapis lazuli?”

Exist paused as he had a bag of banana bread chips in his paws and looked over to his table. “I… think so. I’m not sure. I ended up buying it at a Stop n’ Swap Shop down in Trottington. I think my previous table broke or something. It’s nice, isn’t it?”

“Oh yes, it is…” She smiled warmly, looking up at Exist. “I only really know about that because Rarity likes gems like these.”

“I was about to say,” The stallion took his seat, placing his unkempt yellow tail against the glossy marble floor. “You’re more of an animal lover, right? Yeah…”

She nodded, “Animals are what I know best. Taking care of them, making sure they stay out of trouble, finding the right home for them. It’s… Oh, I’m sorry, I’m talking too much.”

“No, no, you’re fine.” Exist tried to smile, but took a bite of his snack.

Fluttershy seemed to think for a moment, putting a hoof to her chin before finally speaking up again, “I, um, wanted to know more about you, actually. You helped my brother after all, even after all he put you through, and… well, we were friends in school, right?”

The stallion rubbed his paw on the back of his head, “Well, I don’t remember much from school, other than being made fun of for having these paws. Mm… Maybe it was because I looked like a cat? Hmm… I dunno. Maybe it was because I only like stallions, too... Fillies are mean.” Exist’s elbows pressed against the glossy table as he leaned on his cat like front paws.

“I’ve felt that way before. They’ve made fun of me for being too scared to...do much. But I just know that they’re better ponies now, and I have to move on. Um, right?” She looked at the stallion with determined eyes.

“R-right.” He concurred and pressed his head down a bit with a huff. “There’s no point in staying upset over something that’s happened a long time ago.”

The mare agreed as she began to chat about her experiences in school with the stallion. Their conversation bled into other things like weaving fabric into a beautiful piece of clothing. Before long, they had begun to take a look around Exist’s home.

Having moved to the living room, Exist talked about the main reason why he wanted this house in particular. He noted the way this room was setup let him have a lot of space to fly around, or walk around if he had non-pegasus friends visit. He liked having the space open up to a balcony on the second floor, which led to his bedroom. It kind of reminded him of a tower, even though the home was very contemporary for the standards he had come to know for Southern Cloudsdale.

“What’s this small closet for?” Fluttershy asked, pressing a hoof against a small door stuck up against the wall just above his couch.

“I keep old photos in there and other important stuff. That part of the wall is actually made of rock, and so is the door. If my house caught fire, I wouldn’t have to worry about losing that stuff.” Exist floated up to the door with ease.

His wings kept balance as he carefully opened the door and removed a book full of photographs. Inside the chamber, there was other files and personal information kept neatly in the back. Slowly he descended next to Fluttershy, who had taken the liberty of making herself comfortable on the plush couch.

She rubbed her hoof against the fabric and smiled, “I love this couch. It’s so nice!”

Exist just huffed happily, and brought the pictures over next to him. “Yeah, I like lots of soft stuff. I know that’s a bit stereotypical of somepony like me, but I just can’t help it.” He opened the book.

“There’s nothing to be ashamed of. Your business is yours and yours alo--” She cut herself off with a gasp as she looked at the first few pictures that had filled the book. “Is that...?! You have pictures of… Wait, those are the animals that live in the Royal Garden up in Canterlot! But… they’re babies here…!”

The glow and sparkle in her eyes intrigued Exist as he explained, “Well, I had this picture for as long as I can remember. I just have a bunch of pictures from Canterlot, actually.” As he spoke, he flipped through a few pictures. Some of the gardens, the hedge-maze, the castle itself, and even some statues showed up. “I don’t remember where I got these. All I remember is that when I was very little, I kept them in a little shoebox in my room. I remember my mom giving me this book, too.” His somber smile was not unnoticed by the yellow pegasus.

He flipped through more of the pictures, but stopped as he got to a picture of a large statue. He sighed, swallowing some spit again, “Hmm…” He flipped passed the picture of the large stone statue as Fluttershy silently eyed the griffequus worriedly. Strangely, past that page, was a bunch of missing pictures. “Wha…? Oh, I must’ve taken some of these out when I came home yesterday.”

Fluttershy didn’t need to ask what the pictures were of. It was clear what they were, to her, and prying into that bit of detail would have been too much to handle. She just shifted her body a bit as her face got a better view of the glossy photos that laid neatly in the book, keeping her face as respectfully out of his view as she could to give him enough space.

Exist stopped at a particular photo of himself. It seemed to be of him standing in some kind of office, but most of the details are indecipherable. “I think I took this picture on my first day of work? Ah, I’m not sure. I think I look cute in this picture.”

“You look great, Exist...er Panache? E-Existential Panache is such a long name, sorry.” She apologized for the tenth time.

Panache shook his head, “You can call me Exist or Panache, either is fine to me.” More pages flipped before Exist stopped again. “Hmm… Oh, I think this photo is of my ex-boyfriend. Care Package?”

The picture revealed to be a rather sultry photo of a young pegasus stallion with a yellow coat and a red mane. Off to the side of the pegasus seemed to be a mail-stallion’s outfit. The striking blue and black rimmed hat and matching saddle really stuck out compared to everything else in the photo. Care Package himself seemed to look at the camera with a loving look, and lazily leaning on one hoof while lounging on what seems to be a red velvet fainting couch.

“I’ve met this pony before! He delivers some of Rainbow Dash and my mail from Cloudsdale Central. I’ve heard he gets around, and is quite a heart---” She cut herself off as Exist just stared at her. “U-Um, did I say something wrong?”

“No, you just seemed to know this pony a bit more than I figured you would have.” He shrugged. “It’s fine. Regardless, me and him are still friends, despite breaking up. Just too busy with his job, not enough time for me.”

“Aww… No… I’m so sorry, that must have been awful.” Fluttershy looked down. She seemed to take on Exist’s sadness.

“No need to be sad, I haven’t thought about him in a while.” He tried to smile, but felt he couldn’t. “That doesn’t mean I still wasn’t heart broken and… upset.” His paw clenched the book a bit tighter.

Without warning, Fluttershy lept at Exist with a light embrace. Her frail body got close to the stallion’s in a warm hug. “It’s going to be okay…” She hugged tighter.

Exist reciprocated albeit apprehensively. “Uh, okay…?” His mouth scrunched up as she seemed to be fiddling with something behind his back. “Wh-what are you doing?”

Right after his questioning of her doings, she let go of Exist. A small smile was on her face as she pulled up an array of photos. The griffequus flinched in shock, eyes widening as he saw what the photos were of: Discord. One photo was another shot of the statue that he inhabited, while the rest of the photos seemed to be of the draconequus from afar. Another photo was of Discord hanging out with Fluttershy out in the grassy fields. To top it all off, the photos were being held by a cat like hand.

“I… What!?” The book of photos fell to the floor with a muffled sound, bouncing only once. Blood started to rush to his cheeks. “...Discord?”