Starlight let out a long-suffering sigh as she stepped off the Ponyville Express. Her fillyhood room had finally been thoroughly cleansed and all reminders of her embarrassing teenage years carefully collected before being obliterated with extreme prejudice. Now, she just wanted to get back to the castle and unwind for a while, before seeking out Trixie and finding out if her bestie had actually followed through on her intended hunt for Twilight’s porn collection. Along the way she’d check in with Twilight and see how the Princess Summit went.

“Starlight!”

Or, not.

Starlight looked down the platform to see Twilight glaring at her, her hair frazzled and her wings stuck out at full extension. Oh no, here we go. Hitching a smile onto her face, Starlight trotted towards her old mentor, “Hey, Twilight! How did the Princess Summit go?”

That was apparently the wrong thing to say, as Twilight’s eyebrow twitched and a demented grin spread across her face, “Oh, it went fine! What could possibly have gone wrong? It’s not like somepony let me and Princess Luna take along an incredibly vile card game that was vastly inappropriate for a Princess Summit.” She laughed in an off-key way for a few seconds before her expression snapped back to one of flat anger. “Oh, wait.”

Starlight chuckled nervously, “Er, yeah, about that… I… I just didn’t know how to tell you. Princess Luna seemed so excited about having a new game to play, and we really weren’t expecting you both to show up out of the blue like that.”

Twilight’s expression softened, but she still wasn’t entirely mollified. “Why would you even have a game like that?”

“Sunset Shimmer,” Starlight replied instantly, shamelessly passing the buck. “She sent it through the mirror for me, she thought it would be a good way for my friends and I to bond at the sleepover.”

Twilight just scowled. “I think I’m going to have to have a word with her about what is and isn’t appropriate among friends.”

Starlight rolled her eyes, “Come on, Twilight. It was just a bit of harmless fun, and it did bring me and the others closer together.” Her bravado wilted slightly as a thought occurred to her, “What… er… what did the other Princesses think of it?”

Twilight kept up her frown for a second or two more, before giving up with a heavy sigh. “They enjoyed the game,” she conceded.

“Hah!” Starlight pumped a hoof in the air. She quickly lowered it, smiling awkwardly at the un-amused look on Twilight’s face. “So… are we going to go back to the castle or are we going to keep standing here having this really awkward conversation right in the middle of the station?”

Twilight looked around furtively, making sure nopony was paying too much attention to their conversation. Luckily, Ponyville’s residents had reached the point where seeing Princess Twilight having a stern conversation with her former pupil garnered no interest beyond a mild concern that either something bad might happen in the near future, or that the School of Friendship had received the wrong shade of red markers again. “Fine. Let’s get back to the castle.”

The two made the journey back to the castle largely in silence. Starlight, for her part, privately hoped that, if her twit of a best friend really had found Twilight’s secret library, then she’d at least put it back the way she’d found it. Preferably without torching any of it in the process. Still, if worse came to worst, Starlight was willing to take her share of the blame, i.e. anything that she couldn’t easily fob off on Trixie.

As they approached the castle’s front door, Starlight quickly looked around to make sure no-creature was in earshot before asking in an undertone, “So, who won?”

The annoyed expression on Twilight’s face gave way to a resigned one, with a sigh to match. “Do you know how weird it felt having Luna behaving the most like a normal, decent pony. I’ve learned things about Cadence and my brother’s sex life that is going to scar me for the rest of eternity, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to look Celestia in the eye again, and on top of that, I’m still a little sore from the after-party!”

“That doesn’t answer who won.” Starlight did a double-take as the last part of the sentence finally registered. “Wait, after-party?”

Twilight blushed and hurried up the stairs of the castle, using her magic to open the door. “I-if you really must know who won, it was-”

The princess stopped so quickly that Starlight almost collided with her rump. Peeking around to see what had grabbed her attention, her heart almost stopped as she spotted a book on the floor just inside the castle. Tales of Twilight Vol 1: Tormenting Twilight’s Teats. Twilight wordlessly lifted the book in her magic and opened it, quickly catching a note that fell out of it.

“Dear Starlight, you were right! Writing something like this was a fantastic idea! Seriously, I cannot thank you enough for putting that thought in my head!

Love, Trixie.

P.S. Maybe you could add this volume to that secret library of Twilight’s that you told me about?”

Starlight stood rigid with terror as Twilight slowly turned her head to look at her, cold fury etched into every inch of her expression. Without a word, Twilight used her magic to pull Starlight through the door, slammed the door behind them, then flipped the book to page 1 and started reading.

There was a loud pop as Starlight teleported to the outskirts of Ponyville, right outside the window of Trixie’s beloved carriage. As expected, Trixie was already leaning on the windowsill, waiting for her. She grinned the second she saw her friend arrive. “So? What did she think of it?”

Starlight glared at her. “Well, I hate to say it, Trix, but apart from the title she absolutely loves it! And why the fuck did you bring me into this?!”

Trixie shrugged. “Meh, call it revenge for making me puke during that Cards Against game the other day.”

“Bitch.” Starlight sighed heavily. “Well, your revenge didn’t go off as you expected. I guess you’ll have to get more creative next time.” The slow smirk that slowly spread across the stage magician’s face send a shiver down her spine. “Trixie… what did you do?”

Trixie’s smirk grew as she levitated a book out of her carriage. Tales of Trixie Vol. 37: Trixie, Slave of Sombra. “This is the next one that Derpy wanted to borrow, but she couldn’t figure out how to get the bookcase open. Imagine how much its going to annoy Twilight when she can’t find this one no matter where she looks.”

Starlight rolled her eyes. “Seriously? Hiding a book? That’s…huh, that’s actually pretty sadistic, considering who you’re pranking.”

“Right?” Trixie tossed the book unceremoniously back into the carriage. “That and the party cannon full of cheese I left in her bed.”

“Wait, what?! Are you fucking INSANE?!” Starlight yelled. “What do you think she’ll do when she finds out that it was you?!”

Trixie tried and failed to repress a snort, which turned into a giggle, then descended into a fit of laughter at the sight of her friend’s seething confusion. “Relax, Starlight!” she managed to get out between laughs. “I’m joking!”

Starlight stared at her in bemusement. “I… you… really?”

Trixie nodded. “Don’t get me wrong, I did consider it but, like you said, she’d easily guess that it was me who did it. Besides, I kinda went one better.”

“Oh, no.” Starlight slapped a hoof to her face as she felt her heart sink. “Just… just tell me what you did, Trix.”

“I asked Sunset if she had another copy of that Cards Against Equestria game.” Trixie’s face split into an evil grin. “Guess what Pinkie’s taking to Twilight’s ‘Welcome Home’ party?”

Author's Note

And that's the end of this little cheese-induced oddity.

If people are interested, of course, I'm considering a sort-of sequel involving Trixie reading through and commentating on each and every one of Twilight's various novels. Let me know what you think!