Author's Note
This really came out of nowhere and kind of took over with a mind of it's own.
I'm sorry for the sad feels you guys. But I hope you like it anyways.
The Way We Were
The sound of sizzling filled the Apple Family homestead. The sounds and smells of food cooking would normally be welcome to the hard working family, but today, the need for silence made the noise too loud, and their appetites lost. At just after dawn, the family would normally be heading to work on gathering the morning crop, and not eat their breakfast until later. But today, they were not working. Big Mac had spoken to Filthy Rich about the circumstances, and he’d understood and expected his next shipment a few days late accordingly.
Applejack stood at the stove, cooking flapjacks without really being there. A shrinking sliver of her consciousness remained in the kitchen, flipping the flapjacks to be sure they didn’t burn, but her mind was far away from there. It was locked some thirteen years in the past, thinking about them. Her parents. The first major loss she’d ever encountered. She’d been fairly young at the time, but she could remember bits and pieces of that time in her life. The amount of black at the funeral, the sliding of tears down her big brother’s cheeks, the incessant crying of Apple Bloom as she cried for a mother who was no longer there.
But somepony else had been the glue holding their family together at that time. Granny Smith had lost a son, but had kept their family together like a mother would. She’d bolstered her grandchildren, comforted them from nightmares, and dried tear-stained cheeks for so long after that. She and Big Mac had been young, but Apple Bloom had just been a foal. She’d raised them all on her own. Sure, there had been family coming left and right to help out at first, but after a time, they’d been on their own. Granny had kept them all together, and showed them how to work together as a family.
But now, the glue had dissolved away.
Granny Smith had passed away a few days ago. Natural causes, thank goodness. She’d spent a long time trying to prepare them for “the day she went home”, but they all knew nothing could ever truly prepare them for the loss of the only parental figure they’d had left. She’d been bedridden toward the end, unable to even go to her favorite rocking chair. But it hadn’t dampened her spunk a bit. Her voice was much softer, but she kept the same wisdom and gravity she’d held all those years alongside them. Every day, she’d made sure to talk to each of her grandchildren as they took turns helping to care for her. Applejack had been lucky enough to have Pinkie Pie come and step in a few times a day on the farm so they could do it. As the only one of Applejack’s friends with farming experience, she’d been a lifesaver. How that pink bundle of energy could manage to get all those apples off the trees, Applejack would never know, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to know.
The fact that they had all had time with her, though, was a greater gift than Pinkie could have imagined. Big Mac helped to carry her to the toilet or lift whatever was needed to help her, Applejack prepared the food and helped with bathing, and Apple Bloom always brought her water, or snacks, and sat to tell her about what had happened that day either on the farm or at school.
For a long time, Granny Smith had been pulling Applejack aside, to tell her what to do when the day came.
“Go to yer friend Twilight n’ have her help ya send scrolls to the whole Apple Family. Ask yer brother to make me ah coffin outta one of the trees in the east field. I want ta be buried with four Appleseeds, and two pear seeds in it to remember our family by. If yer gonna mourn me, wait until after the funeral. I want all y’all there smiling and rememberin’ the good times of a good life. I want ya ta bury me next to yer Pa and Ma. After the funeral, I want y’all ta take a few days off from farmin’, just to be with yer family. Alright, child?”
Applejack had nodded every time, but it had felt like a conversation that hadn’t been real.
Until three days ago, when she’d gone to wake Granny up and seen the stillness of her chest.
“Granny?” She’d asked, peeking in the doorway. But the sound of stirring, or snoring hadn’t come. It was quiet- deathly quiet. Applejack had come inside, door fully open, and went over to her grandmother. Tentatively, she reached out a hoof to touch her face in a state of unreality. Granny’s skin was ice cold, and she’d jerked her hoof away as though she’d been burned.
There had been a noise she’d heard. Her own gasping breathing. It had taken her a bit to realize it. Her legs had gone numb, but she needed to keep standing or else she didn’t think she would ever be able to do it again. She swallowed the obstruction in her throat.
“Come on, Applejack.” She’d told herself. Granny had left her instructions, now she had to do them.
It took a while to make herself move, but she saw Big Mac standing at the door, crying silently. She went over to him. “I need ta get started on gettin the scrolls out ta the family. Is Apple Bloom at school?”
Big Mac had nodded.
“We’ll tell her together when she gets home. Ya know what ta do now, right?”
He’d nodded again, taking a while.
Applejack looked at her brother a moment, before wrapping him in a tight embrace full of all the things neither were strong enough to stay in that moment. Big Mac had hugged her back, his strong hooves enveloping her and making her feel almost as safe as when Pa had used to hug her when she was a little filly.
Then, before her emotions could catch up with her, she ran out of the embrace and toward the castle.
She’d galloped all the way there, never stopping. If she stopped before she got there, she knew she wouldn’t make it. She was playing chicken with her own feelings. She’d been sweaty and out of breath by the time she’d gotten there, but it was worth it. She’d banged on the door so loudly she could actually hear the sound of books hitting the floor before it even opened.
Spike had opened up the door. “Applejack what’s-“ He caught sight of her face, which looked somewhere beetween stricken and panicked. “…I’ll go get Twilight.”
Not long after, the Princess of Friendship had appeared. She’d taken one look at Applejack and her eyes had gone wide. “Applejack? What happened?”
Her voice was so full of concern. The first words of somepony caring about her, of being worried about her touched her ears, and an invisible dam burst in her. Her eyes began to well with tears, and she wrapped herself around her friend in a fierce hug.
“Granny.” Was all she managed to say, with tears spilling down her face and an obstruction reforming in her throat.
Twilight’s intake of breath was so sharp Applejack almost thought it was the wind blowing from a twister. “Oh, Applejack… I don’t even know what to say.”
And there it was, what she’d needed to hear. Somepony outside of her immediate family who really and truly felt sorry for her, but didn’t have to express it through big gestures. Somepony undramatic, but who could be completely sympathetic toward her.
Applejack had no idea how long she let Twilight hug her as silent sobs shook her body. But Twilight did not move. She was as strong and steady as a rock. It was completely unexpected, but totally welcome. When she’d finally stopped shaking, she pulled away a bit unsteadily to stand on her hooves.
“Ah need a favor, Twi.” She said, voice quavering.
“Anything.”
“Can I get you and Spike to help me send notice to the whole Apple Family? I can’t do it by myself, and I know Big Mac is busy getting…” She had trailed off, unable to say the last part of the sentence.
“Of course, Applejack. Whatever you need.” Twilight promised.
And so it went. In a blur of scrolls and quills and ink and a seeming haze of time, a scroll was sent to every Apple Family branch from Baltimare to Las Pegasus. When it was over, Applejack had been dazed. Her legs had felt funny and standing up had been difficult. Twilight had used her magic to set her on her hooves.
“Applejack, do you want me to come back with you to the farm? Help with anything at all?” Twilight asked.
Applejack looked at her, thinking things through a minute. “Yeah. Could you… Could you round up Rarity and Rainbow Dash? I haven’t told Apple Bloom yet and she’ll need her friends. Can ya ask them ta meet ‘em at school and bring ‘em here so she won’t be alone?”
“Of course, Applejack. Do you want me to walk you home?”
“Thanks Twi… But Ah think it’s best I take this time to get right with myself."
Twilight had nodded. “I understand. If you need anything…”
“Thanks.” She’d smiled. It was genuine, but a bit brittle. More real than anything she’d thought she’d be able to conjure up for a while. Maybe that meant something.
The time she spent walking from the castle back to Sweet Apple Acres seemed confusing. Time seemed to slow and speed up at will as her mind jumped from one thing to do to the next, then got caught up in memories that nearly made her lose her composure and cry again, and then switched to worrying about funeral details and what they’d tell Apple Bloom. She wasn’t entirely sure she would be able to find her way there. Thankfully, due to muscle memory, she made it back without really thinking about it.
Before she even got to the homestead, she could hear the sound of a hammer pounding something. Every pound made her want to jump at what it represented. She thought about going to see Big Mac but it was only momentary. He likely needed time to process everything too and she shouldn’t disturb him.
Walking back into the homestead was possibly the most difficult thing she’d ever done. The place that had seemed so cozy and inviting much of her life now held a bitter taste that couldn’t be gotten rid of so soon. Death had permeated this place once before, and she wondered if it would wear off this time. Youth took some of the sting out of the loss of her parents, but this time wouldn’t be so easily forgotten.
Everything looked the same, but it wasn’t. She’d have to get used to it again, like taking a jacket off after coming inside from winter. It felt prickly, and uncomfortable, but she knew she could adjust eventually. Still, there was a cold inside of her that seemed to seep into her bones. She tried to shake it off, but found herself going to Granny’s room.
The room smelled sweet, too sweet. The stench of the sick and dead. She tried not to think about it as she looked around. A picture of her Pa was on one dresser. Granny always made a point of it to clean that picture, and toward the end, she’d asked either herself or Apple Bloom to keep it clean. She’d always talked to that picture, even before she was confined to her room. She said it made her feel closer to him.
What will make me feel closer to Granny? She wondered, before she saw a drawer full of Granny’s shawls, and opened it. She wrapped one around herself and for a moment, it was like Granny was right there with her.
Then, the sound of the door opening startled her. She moved quickly from the room and found Rainbow Dash and Rarity in her room, looking at her sadly. The two hugged her wordlessly, having no words to express their sorrow.
“Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle are coming along with Apple Bloom in a bit. Would you prefer us to leave for the moment and have Big MacIntosh come in?” Rarity asked.
It took Applejack a moment to come up with an idea. “Can y’all wait in the other room? And Rainbow Dash, can ya get Big Mac for me?"
“On it.” She said, flying with her usual speed but none of the usual enthusiasm.
Big Mac had come in not long after, looking solemn. He made it just moments before Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo did.
The moment Apple Bloom entered, she could tell something was wrong.
“Applejack? Big Mac? What’s goin’ on?”
“Sit down, sugarcube. We need ta talk.” She said.
Apple Bloom looked confused, but obeyed.
Applejack had shared a look with Big Mac. They hadn’t prepared what to say. A script might have been helpful for something like this. At least, for the first part.
“Apple Bloom, there’s no easy way ta say this…” She looked to Big Mac for support, and he nodded tearfully. She took in a breath, then let it at. “Apple Bloom, Granny Smith passed away."
The look on the filly’s face was the most heartbreaking thing Applejack had ever seen. She went forward to her. “C’mere, sugarcube.” She said softly, and hugged her sister. There was quiet sobbing, unlike Apple Bloom’s previous histrionics. The quiet sobs served to break Applejack’s emotional barrier once more, as she wept softly. The arms of Big Mac wrapped around them both, as strong and comforting as they were sorrowful.
For a short while, the three siblings held one another for dear life. It was Apple Bloom who pulled away after a bit, to become sandwiched between Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle in a hug. The three of them wept together, and Applejack motioned for Rarity and Rainbow Dash to come out in case their sisters wanted them.
Sweetie Belle left a small puddle of tears by her, and Rarity offered her a handkerchief while Scootaloo leaned into Rainbow Dash, saddened.
“If Y’all would like ta spend the night tonight, you’re welcome ta.” Applejack said.
“Please Sis?” Sweetie Belle looked at Rarity.
“Of course, darling. You girls need each other.”
Scootaloo looked to Rainbow Dash. “Could you tell Auntie Holiday and Auntie Lofty for me, Rainbow Dash?”
“Sure thing, squirt. No problem.” She said softly, ruffling Scootaloo’s mane.
The three fillies went to Apple Bloom’s room, and Rainbow Dash and Rarity went to Applejack.
“Would prefer we stay the night, darling?”
“We don’t mind.”
Applejack smiled. “Thanks, Y’all. Big Mac and I have some work ta do for…” She couldn’t bring herself to say it. “We could use all the help we can get.”
It was so. Big Mac went back out to build, as Applejack prepared every request Granny had made of her. She gathered some apple seeds, and then went to find her grandfather, Grand Pear, to tell him the news. Grand Pear hadn’t been mobile at the time, but had assured his granddaughter he’d be there with them in spirit. He gave her two pear seeds at her request to put with Granny, teary eyed to see it would be the last thing he could give her. Finally, she stopped to see Mayor Mare to officiate the funeral, before going home for the day.
The next morning, the Apple Family came in droves to the farm. Not only them, but Applejack’s friends, all members of the Cutie Mark Crusaders, The Pie Family, Spike, and Discord all came to the funeral, as did much of Ponyville.
Big Mac had carved some designs on the coffin. Nothing too fancy, but still beautiful. An Apple Tree, with many apples, and three down on the ground. It was a simple touch, but a personal one that made all the difference.
The crowd gathered at the farm, with Mayor Mare using a tree stump as a makeshift pulpit to speak to them all.
“We meet here today to honor the life of Granny Smith. We give thanks for her life and wish her well now that their time in this world has come to an end. For Granny Smith, the journey is now beginning. But for us, there is loss, grief and pain. Every one of us here has been affected - perhaps in small ways, or perhaps in transformative ones- by Granny Smith. Her life mattered to us all. It is important for us to collectively acknowledge and accept that the world has fundamentally changed with her passing. We are all grieving. Life will not be the same - nor should it be. Together, let us open our hearts and commemorate the impact Granny Smith had on us.
Though there were well over two hundred creatures in attendance, not a noise was heard- not even from Discord.
“Please stand.” She instructed, and they all rose from their seated positions. “Granny Smith has safely crossed the barrier and is now free to experience another reality, along with all the joys which await there. For us, however, it is important to say this final farewell to her body as we commit Granny Smith's physical form to its natural end.
Granny Smith, we wish you well and thank you for being a part of our lives. We honor your life and we trust you will find ever-lasting peace. We will not forget you. Go well.” She paused. “Please sit.”
They all sat down, and she continued to speak. “The death of every one of us is in the natural order of things; it follows life as surely as summer follows spring. Let us think of the Tree of Life as a symbol. The trunk and branches of the tree represent the human race, and the leaves symbolize the individual Stallions and Mares in Equestria – appearing one spring, flourishing for a season, and then dying.
The physical presence of Granny Smith has gone, but the tree remains. In fact, it is now even stronger because of her life - and death. So it shall be for all of us, in time. Let us challenge ourselves to take advantage of our limited time in this world – let us live our lives fully, endeavoring to love one another and never faltering in the pursuit of happiness.
We have been remembering with love and gratitude a life that touched us all. I encourage you to help, support and love those who grieve most. Allow them to cry; to hurt; to smile and to remember. Grief works through our systems in its own time. Remember to appreciate each day and to live it to the full in honor of Granny Smith. We often take life for granted and yet it is the greatest gift we have.”
Mayor Mare had looked to the Apple Children, all of whom stood. They had discussed this the evening before. Applejack would speak on behalf of their family.
Applejack made her way to the tree stump, and Mayor Mare moved away so her siblings could stand beside her. Looking out into the crowd, faces swam in front of her vision, and there wasn’t one she could pick out. It looked like faces floating in a sea of black. Applejack cleared her throat to speak, and the crowd was completely silent.
“On behalf of my family, thank all y’all for comin’ here today. I know it would mean a lot to Granny to know there were so many ponies who cared about her. It means a lot to us to see y’all here to support us.” Applejack swallowed to try and wet her dry throat. “Granny Smith was the kind of pony ya only meet once in a lifetime. Feisty, full of spark, and spunky. Granny raised me, Big Mac, and Apple Bloom after our folks passed away. She was gettin’ up there in years by then, but somehow she still managed ta take care of us and give us a good home, and a lotta good memories to fill it with. Granny had the best laugh, and could make a mean Apple Fritter. She taught us how to make Zap Apple Jam, and told us stories about our folks when we couldn’t remember what they were like.”
She paused. “Granny always hoped to see my Pa again someday. She used ta talk to his picture all the time, tellin’ him things that were goin’ on in her life and her thoughts. She always talked about him as her little Appleseed, even though I can’t see him as anythin’ other than my Pa. She’d always tell me, “When I go on home, yer Pa will be waitin’ there fer me to give me a great big hug.”. I think he was waitin’ there to welcome her home. He’s there, and my Ma’s there with him, not to mention her Ma and Pa bein’ there too. At the end of this life, I think that’s what matters the most. Family. Granny may have left our family here, but wherever she is now, I know she’s with her family there. They’re probably havin’ a party there to celebrate her. So on behalf of Granny, I invite y’all to do the same here today. Granny never wanted ponies to mourn her. She wanted her life ta be a celebration. So today, I’m celebratin’.”
Applejack looked over to the coffin. “I miss you, Granny. We all do, but we’ll be celebratin’ for you today.” She looked back to the sea of faces to find not one dry eye in them. “Thank you.” She said softly.
Mayor Mare had come back to the Tree stump and had asked everypony to go toward the edge of Sweet Apple Acres for the planting ceremony.
The planting ceremony was something of a tradition in the Apple family. When somepony passed on, their immediate family members each would plant an apple seed to grow a tree for the loved one. The end of a life began another one. The three siblings walked there in silence, each carrying an apple seed from one of their favorite trees. The crowd gathered around a spot where three markers had been set, and each dug a hole, planting the little seed, and moving the dirt over it, before watering it with a tear or two.
Then, the crowds came back toward the stump for the burial of Granny Smith. Big Mac, Burnt Oak, Caramel, and Mr. Cake had volunteered to help carry the coffin as Applejack and Apple Bloom had solemnly led the processional to her final resting place. The six foot hole was dug completely by Big Mac, who hadn’t slept the night before in order to dig it. He’d chosen to do it by hoof with as few tools as possible in order to feel as though it was made a kind of home for her by him. The resting place was right next to the gravesites of their parents. Granny Smith had always wanted to be buried next to her son, and now it was happening.
The occasional sound of crying shattered the silence of the farm as the casket was carefully lowered into the ground. Apple Bloom clung to her sister, and Applejack had taken her hat off in respect to both Granny and her parents, weeping quietly but steadily. When Big Mac was done, he joined them, silently crying. When it was done, they each took turns shoveling one load of dirt on the coffin as a last goodbye.
“See ya again, Granny. Someday.” Applejack had promised her.
The wake had happened after that, with food, drink, talking, and sharing of memories. Applejack had wanted so desperately to remember the words said, but it felt as though she was a rock and the words were just water washing over her, never truly sinking in. Many ponies had come to pay their respects to her, Apple Bloom, and Big Mac, but after a while so many faces seemed to coalesce into one face saying all the same things.
“I’m so sorry for your loss.”
“She’s in a better place now.”
“Your Dad will be happy to see her.”
“She loved you all so much.”
“You were the greatest joys of her life.”
When the Wake was over, many of the Apple clan branches went back home, but a few stayed. Braeburn, Babs, Goldie Delicious, Auntie Applesauce, and Apple Rose. The three older mares went inside to share stories of their memories with Granny Smith, while Braeburn helped do some work around the farm, and Babs stayed with her cousin and the other Cutie Mark Crusaders. Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Twilight, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy all chose to stay with Applejack for the day, along with Spike too, who stuck alongside Big Mac along with Discord. They helped with housework, cooked, and mostly kept Applejack company and gave her tissues when needed.
The day was over eventually, and the older mares and Babs left to go back home, though Braeburn had insisted and stayed over. Applejack had thanked her friends for their help, but sent them away for the evening to sleep. Applejack went to bed that evening, wide awake, even though her eyes were tired from crying. A small knock came at her door, and Apple Bloom came in.
“Sis?”
“Come on in, Sugarcube.”
Apple Bloom had climbed up onto her sister’s bed. “Sis, can we get rid of the mirrors in the house?”
The request had completely befuddled the cowpony. “The Mirrors? Why?”
“I don’t wanna look at myself in them. I have her eyes and when I see them… It just makes me sad.”
That had made much more sense, and Applejack nodded. “Of course, Sugarcube.”
“Can I sleep with you tonight?”
“Of course.”
Apple Bloom had curled up next to her sister, and they’d fallen asleep together.
That had been two nights ago, and things still hadn’t seemed to sink in. They’d all honored Granny’s request and taken some time away to be with their family, but this morning was the first one they were truly alone for. The first morning of their new normal, and it felt so unreal.
Applejack finally finished cooking the flapjacks, and set them on plates, with every topping under the sun to put on them. If anypony would eat something, she would make it. This had always been a family favorite, so she’d hoped it would galvanize them into eating.
Big Mac and Apple Bloom came downstairs. The only way she knew they were there was that she could feel their presence. Even they seemed to understand the need for complete silence on this day.
There was no sound of utensils jangling together, no din of forks clinking against plates. Complete quiet. The sound of the creaking wooden stools as they all sat down to eat was what finally shattered the barrier of silence in their home.
“Applejack?” Apple Bloom’s voice came out.
“Yeah, Sugarcube?”
“I’m not very hungry."
“I know. Me neither. But we gotta eat, Sugarcube. Granny wouldn’t want us to starve.” She said softly.
Apple Bloom sighed. “I know. I just… I’m not ready. I can’t eat without her.”
Big Mac sighed and dropped his fork. “Nope.”
“I know, y’all. But… We promised.”
“I just wish she was here.” Apple Bloom whispered.
“Eeyup.” Big Mac concurred softly.
And then, just like that, an idea occurred to Applejack, that made her both smile and cry.
Her voice was quavering, and tears were running down her face, but she began to sing.
“When family cannot be here
Havin' journeyed far and wide
We sing a song to honor them
To remember days gone by.”
Big Mac and Apple Bloom had looked up at the start of the old family song, tears brimming in their own eyes, and Applebloom joined her sister.
“So take your cup and raise it high
Just as surely I'll do mine
And laugh we will at stories told
As we smile at days gone by
As we smile at days gone by.”
Finally, Big Mac Joined in.
“For family not here, my dears
Havin' journeyed far and wide
For loyalty and kindness both
We smile at days gone by."
Applejack sang alone again as her brother and sister took a moment to catch their breaths, though her voice was stronger now.
“Our paths will cross again one day
In time to reunite
For family is always near
Even when the seas are wide.”
The image of Granny Smith coming to meet them on the train filled Apple Bloom’s mind as she sang again.
“So take your cup and raise it high
Just as surely I'll do mine
And make a toast for family
And the tales of days gone by.”
They all clinked their cups of orange juice together in a toast as Big Mac joined in.
“For family not here, my dears
Havin' journeyed far and wide
For loyalty and kindness both
Take joy at days gone by
For loyalty and kindness both
We smile at days gone by…”
As the last note of the song hovered in the air, each of them could have sworn they heard Granny Smith singing with them, and laughing toward the end as she was always prone to do.
The three siblings looked at one another, sharing the similar thought, and finally smiling genuinely for the first time in what felt like years. Suddenly, their appetites had begun to resurface enough to recognize they were hungry. They raised their glasses of juice and clinked them, making a toast to Granny Smith, and how they would live in her honor now.
Then, as one, they began to eat.
Life wouldn’t be the same again. But the funny thing about life was that it went on.
